Great Stoner Quotes

"if i were a rouch on a tree, tell me would you smoke me?

Publisher reading SP's Towelie's memoirs- "Million Little Fibers"........
"We can't publish this crap. 20 straight pages are about nothing but Doritos!"

Homer in the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers cut- "I hope I didn't brain my damage"

"a-motivation is a cause of heavy marijuana smoking rather than the reverse"- Rubin and Comitas, Ganja in Jamaica.

-Cheech+Chong: "What's the problem officer? Dunkin Donuts closed"
"Behind one of these doors is 50 Kee's of Blond Lebanese Hash....Almost makes your eyes red just thinking about it huh?" -Let's make a dope deal.

"Stop Dave...my mind is going.. there is no question about it." -HAL- 2001

I smoked my best friends (see non-blood related brothers) out with some of the most superb white widow I've ever had and one of them said:
"I'm half man, half retarded"

I laughed for a long, long time.

well i feel you guys on the lighter bullshit. i lost them, put them in the frige, the oven, the roof and even the toliet.

i was cruiseing with my boy (fucked up stupid) and he says out of no where "OH shit dude i got to take a shit"

long time ago everyone that wasnt stoned as i was was talking about how we call someone panda and out of no where i just say "hey isnt a panda the same as a guerrilla?"
20 sum people just turn to me and are like what the fuck....(they didn't know i smoked that night)

but it was cool cause in my head i was like picturing a panda and a guerilla and i was like acually a panda ahha it was fun

"dude you shut the door on my hand" (calm voice)

i was blazed as shit lol my friend shut the car door on my hand it was completly shut and i didnt even feel it lol

get the seeds man;"seeds,they can't bust you for seeds"!cheech and chong..

"Who left the tv remote in the fridge"

Erniedytn said:

What about these:


Dude...My hands are HUGE!!! They can touch everything but themselves....

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FUTURAMA!!!! "There was something funny in that hippie..."

mazda420 said:

"dude you shut the door on my hand" (calm voice)

i was blazed as shit lol my friend shut the car door on my hand it was completly shut and i didnt even feel it lol

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had that happen, except i wasn't blazed, i was hungover...so it fucking blew..lol

Best one was my friends and I were in the basement, and when we come up there's an oreo on the counter. my friend just looks at it, picks it up, and goes, "Hey. An oreo.... Cool" (in perfect Mitch Hedburg style), then eats it. LOL!

TheJollyBrother said:

Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?

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All the time dude. And it's always the same person who's got them all...

my brother on the floor to EMS after a seizure....ems"do you know who you are?" brother "no" "do you know where you are" "no" "do you know who the president is?" "still bush?" lol...wasnt funny at the time but after.

Here is one when a friend and I went to a computer store looking for the drink named Bawls.
Me (to male employee at front): Excuse me, do you have any balls?
Employee: No
I almost died laughing

"It's mostly Maui Wowie man, but its got some Labrador in it"

"If anyone gonna have sex w/ my sister its gonna be ME!!!"

"Man, I need to lay of the Peyote"

"Then i thought to myself, Hansel? Haven't you been smoking peyote for 8 days straight? Turns out I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius!"

Police officer asking a friend of mine he just pulled over about the bag of herb
Pig: What's this?
Friend: ...........Personals

spongebob is the only bob with a sponge

Erniedytn said:

What about these:

Dude...My hands are HUGE!!! They can touch everything but themselves....

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LOL! Those are some funny ass t-shirts. Usually you see the same ones over and over but those are pretty good.

WhatAmIDoing said:

All the time dude. And it's always the same person who's got them all...

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That and if you're at a party you can always tell the stoners because if you borrow their lighter and there's some resin at the bottom like they used it to scrape a bowl -- bingo! Noticed this about 6 years ago when a friend pointed it out to me, I don't know if everyone knew this but me but I always look for it now.

Doods, why not just kick back with some Zappa CD's? That's some funny sheet there. My tagline was taken from "The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers" - back in the day. That was so weird stuff man. Cheech and Chong were at their best then too.

"watch the keyboard some of my kids might still be on it.." a friend

lol..good stuff