Great Stoner Quotes

Friend with a bag of shwag. We smoke some, and it is no good. =[ It tasted horrible and was just nooo good.

A little later im like dude..lets smoke a lil more, and my friend goes, "Nah man! I dont wanna smoke anymore of that squash!" He ment shwag..but oh man it was funny.

Aly: Where the fuck did you go?
Nate: I've been sitting here the whole time.
Aly: Oh...

[While We're All Talking]
Hailey: Wow, that was an awkward silence. (She was serious...)

Nate: Fucking tree kicked me off!

Matt: What the fuck are you doing?
Serena: This ketchup tastes fucking awesome...

"I just realized Jasmine and Aladin are Indian"
"Wow, I just Realized Mulan is asian"

after seeing a commercial where 2 hot chicks are eating whipped cream:
roommate: "I wish I could find two chicks with whipped cream...(5 second pause) 'cause I'm hungry."

Alyssa: Where the fuck did the pile we just broke up go?
Peter: We smoked it...about an hour ago.

[In a car]
Josh: Watch the fuckin' road! Jesus Christ Maddie, are you drunk?
Maddie: A lil bit. (somehow she managed to slur that)
Josh: Fuck it, pull over, I'm driving!
Maddie: But you're stoned! (again...SLURRED)
Josh: Oh fucking well, it's better than you.
[Pulls over]
[5 mins. later]
Me: Watch the fucking road, Josh!
[Josh pulls over two lanes going 50 mph and screech stops about and inch from a ditch]
Josh: Are any of you whiney bitches sober?
...
Josh: Exactley!
[Guns it]

"no we're not smoking out of this" - me, refering to my pellet gun

5 min later

"I love how the gun that we were using to play the last video game (AWW MAN WHAT THE FUCK!?) exploded" - friend with me in the background, he melted the plastic around the metal barrel while people were smoking out of it.

i have an hour and a half long raw copy of the radio show from that night if anyone wants it

1st time high at work...."man this ho ho taste so gooooood"
or newyears 08 stoned and drunk last ones at the party i go man look at that keg...i think we should put it in a cooler... the keg was emptied into the cooler and ended up in my fridge in coke bottles still fresh 2 days later

my mate iain while severely fucked ha:

"i wouldn't care if my parents died... as long as it was sunny"
was pretty funny at time

i cant remember some other things
we were blowing smoke into bubble through those weird bubble blower tings and frank decided how to measure how good you were:

"people are measured on how big there bubbles are, if there small there a nobody, but if there big they can rule the world"

that was proper funny too haha

was smoking with some people I don't usually smoke with and they were passing the bong to the right. me and my friends always pass to the left. I was so fucked up that every time i hit it I would just pass it right back to john who was on my left

John: Would you stop trying to pass the fucking bong left
Me: I don't usually talk about this but....I'm not an ambipasser. It's a problem I've had since I was a kid. I can't pass right

After smoking hella.

me:"Wow everything is so Opek"
Friend:"wtf does Opek mean?"
me:"I dont know I think it means transparent"
Friend:"Wanna go lazer pen houses?"

"its Cash.."

Mines about toasting a drink..

"If i had a dog that could piss this stuff
and i thought he could piss enough,
i'd tie his ass to my bed, and suck his dick tell we both droped dead. Cheers."

"you dont want girls to think u suck dick at fuckin pussy"Superbad lol...best movie

Hey. Hey man, open the door

Who is it?

It's me man, c'mon open up, I got the stuff.

Who?

It's Dave, man, c'mon, open the door, man, I got the stuff!

Dave?

Yeah man, c'mon, hurry up!

Daves not here

No man, I'm Dave!

Dave?

Yeah, man!

Daves not here.

I’m sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.
It’s powdered sugar.
The lice hate the sugar.
It’s delicious

ever noticed how "jihad" and "yeehaw" sound an awful lot alike?

maybe that all they really saying.....after alittle toke maybe...

next time you're high..you HAVE to roleplay with ur friends.

such as this one time me and a couple of buddies were blazin up and i had this awsome idea to do this thing were we act as a newsstaion and jus say whatever came to mind..."now over to trucker f*er with weather"
"thank john jiggle, today we will see clouds rainng from the sky with a side of gopher"..it went on and on and it was hilarious

or i was slapping my hands together with a beat then one of my frends joined in with a funny bell noise and like there was 10 of us jus sttin around playing a song in perfect..and i mean perfect...unison

aferwards we were rollin so hard because of the noise that my friend was makin...sorry so long

(heavily stoned bill collector speaking on phone) Ok, lady, look at out conversation like a lake of water. Whenever i talk Im throwing in rocks and your exploding like waves. Now lets just get in the sailboat and if we dont rock the boat we can get to the other side. *click*

i dunno bout any of you but i ride a bike alot if ur ever high driving ur bike is like ur on a rollercoaster that u control its really fucking awesome

"if i had a picture of the sun as a screen saver, will it grow all my plants for me?"

this was just yesterday, or the day b4. we were talking about last year april 20th.

me: yo imagine what 4/20 will be like this year!
buddy1: what no its 436
buddy2: what
me:what
buddy1: its only 4:36

after that we just kept laughing. it went on about another minute.