Post a joke

hey everyone, post a joke in here ill start

your jokes not funny, just jokeing. but really im jokeing about jokeing.

lolll your comments a joke

A duck walked into a bar,
sat down and asked the bartender, got any bread?
Bartender replied no, so the duck sat there for another minute,
looking at the bartender and asked, got any bread and once again the bartender replied no,
and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar.
The Duck sat there for another moment, and asked the bartender, Hey, you got any nails?
Bartender says no, why?
Got any bread?

Hold on, let me find my electric bill!

Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

How do you prevent homos from getting AIDS? Tell 'em to sit down and keep their mouth shut.

A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work. The Boss says: "when I am sick, I fuck my wife ... try that?" Two hours later the Chinese man rings back and says: "Me better now you got a nice house!"

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

lollll, keep em coming

There was a white guy, Mexican guy and a black guy and they stumbled upon a genie lamp,
The genie appeared and told them he would give each guy 1 wish each,
The white guy wished for a 20 foot penis, the genie said granted and the white guy walked away.
The mexican guy thought that was a great idea and also wished for a 20 foot penis, the genie said granted and he walked away.
The black guy said well I mind as well also, so he wished for a 20 foot penis and the genie said granted and he walked away.
Next day they all came back to see how their new penises had been working out for them, Well the white guy wanted to take his wish back, and the genie asked why?
He proceeded to tell the genie that he could no longer fuck his girlfriend and she is now unable to walk.
The mexican guy had the same issue and also wanted to take his wish back and the genie granted them both back their regular sized penises.
They white guy and mexican guy turned to the black guy and said, you don't want to return your wish?
The black guy replied, no, I don't have a girlfriend, but you see that girl over there? BAM!GOT HER!

A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Two-hundred dollars? What do you mean $200?!

If two gay men are traveling to California racing against two lesbians who do you think will win?
It's hard to determine since the gay guys will take the back roads while the lesbians will get there lickety split.

Twas the night before christmas and all through the house, my wife was not speaking because my cocks in her mouth,
The children were tucked away with tenderness and care, so I told my wife to go shave her thick pubic hair,
She did as I said and that was that while grabbing her pussy lips and flew off like a big pink bat.

Ok so 3 business men r sitting in the steam room, and one guy looks over at his buddy and he's pressing the palm of his hand like he is pressing buttons, so the guy asks watz that ur doin and his friend says I had a calculator installed its the latest thing. Just then the guy next to em chimes in and says, oh yeah well check this and does the same thing but he then holds his thumb up to his ear and his pinky 2 his mouth and says beat this its the latest phone, so the 3rd guys disappears and a min later he comes around the corner and his buddies c he has toilet paper hanging outta his ass, and they both look at him and say WTF is that and he says I had a fax installed.

A man boards a train, finds a seat and sits down. The train leaves the station, and the journey begins.
After a short while, the man produces a bag of prawns from his pocket, heads and shells them, throws it all on the floor and eats them one by one, then throws the bag on the floor.
A lady sat opposite gets a bit pissed off with the man's unruly behaviour. 'Excuse me!' shouts the lady, 'Can you not do that, it's disgusting!'
'You can fuck off!' says the man, 'I've paid for my ticket, which includes the cleaning!' The man then settles back and tries to have a sleep.
Meanwhile, the still pissed-off lady gets her knitting out and starts to click away.
The man opens one eye and says 'Can you stop that, I'm trying to sleep!'
'You can fuck off!' says the lady, 'I paid for my ticket the same as you did. I'll do what I like!'
So the man gets up, opens the window, snatches the knitting, wool and needles from the woman's lap and throws the lot out.
The woman then gets up an pulls the communication cord.........The train grinds to a sudden halt.
'You stupid bitch!' shouts the man, 'You'll get a £200 fine for doing that!'
'That's nothing' says the woman, 'You'll get 6 years when they smell your fingers!'

doctor says i have good news and bad news ,

bad news you have alzheimer's ,

good news you can hide your own easter eggs now

SirGreenThumb said:

A duck walked into a bar,
sat down and asked the bartender, got any bread?
Bartender replied no, so the duck sat there for another minute,
looking at the bartender and asked, got any bread and once again the bartender replied no,
and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar.
The Duck sat there for another moment, and asked the bartender, Hey, you got any nails?
Bartender says no, why?
Got any bread?

Click to expand...

[video=youtube;MtN1YnoL46Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q[/video]

A man walks into his doctors surgery and sits down.
'What seems to be the problem,' says the doc.
'I cant pronounce F or TH' says the man.
So the doc says, 'Well you can't say fairer than that'

A man goes to the doctor with a steering wheel sticking out of his arse.
'Fuckin' hell!' says the doc, 'That looks painful!'
'I know' says the man, 'It's driving me nuts'