# Quotes You Heard While Baked that Blew Your Mind



## fistfulofganja (Jul 13, 2010)

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose"

this one really got to me. had me thinking for about 30 seconds
until i forgot what i was thinking about of course (classic) 
then i remembered and pondered some more 

feel free to post some interesting quotes


----------



## NorthernChronic (Jul 13, 2010)

"It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top." -Hunter S. Thompson


----------



## FRESHLIFE (Jul 14, 2010)

"You are looking at me like you either want to fuck me or fight me... either way, you're going down!"


----------



## Virgin of Growing (Jul 15, 2010)

"Why.. Why Not?"


----------



## DoctorLembo (Jul 16, 2010)

"FUCK YOU! fuck who? Yes you. Guess who? Then Who? Not You." lol i packed the bowl, smoked and cashed it during ur trip bro, heres the other half of the joint I just rolled and smoked.


----------



## Rastamoney (Jul 16, 2010)

"Fat people are hard to kidnap."


----------



## Balzac89 (Jul 16, 2010)

Possessions own you.


----------



## Yourmomno (Jul 16, 2010)

"want some cheetos?"


----------



## NorthernChronic (Jul 16, 2010)

Here's some for the Canadians:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFuKkM-tqN0&feature=related


----------



## Total Head (Jul 19, 2010)

me: watch the road!!

stoner friend: what road?


----------



## eastsidebagel (Jul 19, 2010)

Not exactly blew my mind but got me thinking for a while: "The art of living is earning respect without appearing smuggish about it."


----------



## DoobieDrewbie (Jul 19, 2010)

"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."

I thought this was fucking epic when i first read it baked out of my skull.


----------



## JXChaos (Jul 20, 2010)

"do you like getting handjobs? yes!? do you like giving hanjobs? ew noo!! then your a hipicriter too" haha harold kumar 2


----------



## eljeffo41 (Aug 10, 2010)

We are who we pretend to be. Fear of responsibility makes cowards of us all!Oh well whatever never mind.


----------



## Cancler (Aug 13, 2010)

Burger King: Anyway you want it
Kumar Patelllll:1 Sometimes myt dad wants me to be like him cuz its good fur me or cuz he wants me to the his legacy or something
Stoned~~~


----------



## keller420 (Aug 22, 2010)

me-dude its like 5 oclock
stoned/drunk ass friend-man its just time

we said that for about a month after that night....we were fucked


----------



## treehuger84 (Sep 25, 2010)

"life is a powerful play and you MUST contribute a verse"- William Shakespeare


----------



## jackdaknife (Sep 25, 2010)

"I see the puppet, but where is the puppeteer?"


----------



## poopoo1964 (Oct 1, 2010)

No matter where you go.... There you are.


I like your approach, now let's see your departure.


----------



## sk'mo (Oct 1, 2010)

"No matter how I struggle and strive/ I'll never get outta this world alive"
- Hank Williams
"Rain a pour/ but a dirt it tough"
- Bob Marley


----------



## mistadobalina30 (Oct 2, 2010)

"God....... Please let me be the person my dog thinks i am"


----------



## IregAt420 (Oct 3, 2010)

this vid ruins it after the first few segments, but this moment is the best of that movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzcQYX9fwmk&feature=related


----------



## tardis (Oct 3, 2010)

Its easy to get what you want, whats hard is knowing for sure what you wanna get.


----------



## tardis (Oct 3, 2010)

I can't find my mood ring and i'm not quite sure how I feel about that!


----------



## tardis (Oct 4, 2010)

When man seeks too much power and gets it, he winds up with no ability to exercise it and thus no power at all.


----------



## fdd2blk (Oct 4, 2010)

"maybe a raccoon took it." - my neighbor


----------



## letitgrow77 (Oct 6, 2010)

''MArijuana doesn't lead to harder drugs, it leads to gardening''


----------



## tardis (Oct 6, 2010)

letitgrow77 said:


> ''MArijuana doesn't lead to harder drugs, it leads to gardening''


Aint that the Truth!!!!! Pot doesn't turn people into criminals, it turns them into farmers.


----------



## itcanhappen (Oct 6, 2010)

"Stop telling lies about me and I'll stop telling the truth about you." - Gordon Gekko.


----------



## Greather420 (Oct 6, 2010)

It wasn't so much the quote itself as the look on my incredibly stoned friend's face as she said it....she took one look at the freshly delivered pizza and said "I'm so happy I could SHIT!"

Which made me think...wow, a good shit really CAN make me happy! How do you spell relief? 

lol!


----------



## StonedBlownSkiller (Oct 6, 2010)

They say evil prevails when good men fail to act.....What they should have said was.....Evil Prevails.


----------



## peff711 (Oct 6, 2010)

There is no gravity....the earth sucks.


----------



## MsBotwin (Oct 6, 2010)

Way back when, in H.S.
Me, to my Best Friend: I'm not stupid, I'm just stoned.
Airy Andi: oh, okay. I'm not stoned, I'm just stupid.

This didn't blow my mind, but it did have me laughing so hard! I still chuckle when it crossesy mind, because she was totally serious!


----------



## fdd2blk (Oct 6, 2010)

"i laughed so hard i almost backfired." - my wife


----------



## april (Oct 6, 2010)

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."


----------



## Doiremick (Oct 8, 2010)

"It's better to regret something you've done than to regret not doing it at all"


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 11, 2010)

*A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects - Robert H. Heinlein, from the notebook of Lazarus Long 
*


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 11, 2010)

april said:


> "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."


&#8224;LHAO&#8224; Thats some funny shit...


----------



## tardis (Oct 13, 2010)

You know what? Tell it to my butt! Thats the only thing here that gives a sh!t


----------



## txhomegrown (Oct 27, 2010)

Young pussies are like snowflakes.........
Its fun to try and catch them on my tongue.


----------



## Kubla (Oct 28, 2010)

Eleven benevolent elephants.

total mindfuck when you're so baked you feel like a piece of furniture.


----------



## mistaphuck (Oct 28, 2010)

View attachment 1237502




"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."~carl sagan




"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."~carl sagan

"We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology."~carl sagan

other quotes from carl sagan, rip.

"I am convinced that there are genuine and valid levels of perception available with cannabis (and probably with other drugs) which are, through the defects of our society and our educational system, un-available to us without such drugs. "


"There is a myth about such highs: the user has an illusion of great insight, but it does not survive scrutiny in the morning. I am convinced that this is an error, and that the devastating insights achieved when high are real insights; the main problem is putting these insights in a form acceptable to the quite different self that we are when we're down the next day. "


"The Cosmos is all that is or ever was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us &#8212; there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation of a distant memory, as if we were falling from a great height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries. "

"The size and age of the Cosmos are beyond ordinary human understanding. Lost somewhere between immensity and eternity is our tiny planetary home. In a cosmic perspective, most human concerns seem insignificant, even petty. And yet our species is young and curious and brave and shows much promise. In the last few millennia we have made the most astonishing and unexpected discoveries about the Cosmos and our place within it, explorations that are exhilarating to consider. They remind us that humans have evolved to wonder, that understanding is a joy, that knowledge is prerequisite to survival. I believe our future depends powerfully on how well we understand this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky. "


"We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it's forever."


"Relativity does set limits on what humans can ultimately do. But the universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human aspirations. "


"As the ancient myth makers knew, we are children equally of the earth and the sky."


"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."


"Every thinking person fears nuclear war and every technological nation plans for it. Everyone knows it's madness, and every country has an excuse."

"





"


----------



## SativaCulture (Oct 29, 2010)

(guy)throw that trash out...(boy) no you throw your trash out... (guy) no *points to his head* all that trash in there all that random thought that keeps you from finding out who you are.


----------



## SativaCulture (Oct 29, 2010)

one from Tankmen check it out on youtube from the sniper:
You know us snipers... wer just a bunch a sick little fucks,.. shure we can put one in your fuckin heart, but hey... taking your dick of installs fear....... in the enemy, its all about the fuckin mind games man.. fuckin lil fucks


----------



## jxpfeer (Nov 1, 2010)

here's one i like, not really a mind-blower but one i do like:

a man only has one chance at life, and if he doesn't grab it by the balls, he'll spend the rest of his life wondering how he became second rate


----------



## SquishMitten (Nov 3, 2010)

"You can't bewilder the builder, if the builder is bewildered, BEWARE!"


----------



## TOMMYPARTYS (Nov 3, 2010)

"Babe am pregnant"

-Wifey


----------



## sketchystunts (Nov 4, 2010)

Don't patrionize the captain, thats sea law


----------



## potlosophy (Nov 4, 2010)

sleeping with a fat girl is like riding a 50cc scooter......u enjoy riding them you just dont want your mates to see


----------



## JayTrinity (Nov 5, 2010)

I pointed a camera connected to a TV and it spiraled and I found out we were actually going back in time!
Frames of seconds appears backwards!

Yes! 16 uear old boys stoned on LSD! We had discovered time travel!


----------



## kine (Nov 6, 2010)

Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can? "sun tzu"


----------



## IregAt420 (Nov 6, 2010)

If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken in, I am. The Why?


----------



## Sil Dil (Dec 18, 2010)

I wish I heard it myself but anyway.....
My two buddies were at the annual weed march in downtown Toronto and as they were smoking a spliff a homeless man came up to them and said he'd make a poem up for them on the spot for a couple tokes.
So he began to think..........
Homeless man:Know but many, Turst but few.....
(5 second pause)
Homeless man:Always paddle your own canoe!


----------



## klassifyme (Dec 19, 2010)

old hippie tells me
"The lit joint waits for no man"


----------



## Perfextionist420 (Dec 21, 2010)

i was tripping considerable stoned when i said this

"Theres a fine line between people who get completely lost doing drugs and those who can keep their shit together. i keep my shit together, granted my shit is drugs"


----------



## JayTrinity (Dec 21, 2010)

"One guitar solo is as hard on your brain as two drum solos"


----------



## DaLeftHandMan (Dec 22, 2010)

" The way to transcend karma lies in the proper use of the mind and will. The one-ness of all life is a truth that can be fully realized only when false notions of a seperate self, whose destiny can be considered apart from the whole, are forever annihilated. " ~ Bruce Lee ~


----------



## Lil Czr (Dec 22, 2010)

Animals are our friends, but the won't lend us money.


----------



## Fight411 (Dec 22, 2010)

If your problem has a solution then why worry about it? If your problem doesn't have a solution then fuck it why worry about it.


----------



## 4mula420 (Dec 22, 2010)

Jesus lives in us all.. So do farts.~Shit house wall ~


----------



## Perfextionist420 (Dec 22, 2010)

"the only reason we have time is so everything doesn't happen at once"


----------



## redivider (Jan 9, 2011)

Qué es la vida? Un frenesí. 
¿Qué es la vida? Una ilusión, 
una sombra, una ficción, 
y el mayor bien es pequeño: 
que toda la vida es sueño, 
y los sueños, sueños son." 

translate:


What is life? A frenzy.
What is life? An illusion
a shadow, a fiction,
and the greatest good is:
that all life is a dream,
and dreams.... they're dreams....

Segismund, Character _Life is a Dream_ by Pedro Calderon de la Barca


----------



## Geetarman (Jan 9, 2011)

"I'm tired of hearing ya'll talk about Texas, Texas is alot like like old pussy....yeah....its down there but who in the hell cares?" -old redneck at a bar.


----------



## Cangri 9 (Jan 11, 2011)

"The Good Times Of Today, Are The Sad Thoughts Of Tomorrow" - Bob Marley


----------



## robinyo (Jan 11, 2011)

A guy ask me if I want a ciggaret

me - Not if it regular smoke


----------



## faroutthere (Jan 15, 2011)

Fabulous furry freak brothers : Dope gets you through time of no money, better than money gets you through times of no dope!


----------



## VER D (Jan 17, 2011)

all we know is all we are


----------



## neosapien (Jan 18, 2011)

Love doesn't need a complicated metaphor, and sometimes nothing needs to be said at all.


----------



## redivider (Jan 18, 2011)

i heard this a lot at a job all the time, which I went to stoned all the time..... i was a server....

"Excuses are like assholes, everybody's got one and they all stink!!"


----------



## andrewcovetsall (Jan 18, 2011)

so if your fat in this bitch then throw your muthafuckn hands up! woot!


----------



## andrewcovetsall (Jan 18, 2011)

nah for real
"A man should be judged by the quality of his work, not the quality of his piss." KMK


----------



## MrMeagadam (Jan 19, 2011)

"the knife is naturally drawn to violence"


----------



## OrezO (Jan 19, 2011)

* It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything - Tyler Durden *


----------



## Spuff (Jan 20, 2011)

Time is the thief of memory.


----------



## Cannabis Krew 420 (Jan 22, 2011)

"It's better to be somebody for a day, than a nobody for a lifetime" the Kidd Frankie

thats from an awesommmmeee movie called "The Business", its about british criminals who smuggle hash from morroco. I seriously recomend it to everyone on here!


----------



## greenfarmer2high (Jan 22, 2011)

friend:"pow right in the kissa" 
me:"why the fuck would u hit me im driving"
friend:"bird bird bird bird is the word"


----------



## PineappleChunk (Jan 22, 2011)

NorthernChronic said:


> Here's some for the Canadians:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFuKkM-tqN0&feature=related


LMFAO thank you northern that made my night. haha i dont live too far from these guys haha. i dont watch it often but its humorous.

" when a shit apple falls from a tree and grows up in a field of shit, it doesnt have any choice,just like trinity,shes going to grow up and be a shit apple tree, just like her father" lol


----------



## rhino1111 (Jan 24, 2011)

"two tits and a hole will always get you into a hole" lmao


----------



## Richard Smith (Jan 26, 2011)

When life gives your oranges, yad best learn to make orange juice.


----------



## Pipe Dream (Jan 26, 2011)

money and blood don't mix like 2 dicks and no bitch, wind up in some serious shit -biggie


----------



## Hugh G Reckshun (Jan 26, 2011)

Joe Don Looney once said, "Hey Coach, if practice makes perfect but perfection is impossible why practice?"


----------



## alek mager (Feb 12, 2011)

"its like the sunlight is, is dancing on my face man, like literally doin the fuckin flamingo on my cheeks..." 

Kid- Did you just use your study guide as rolling paper?
Me- Um yeah, im out..
Kid- Wow how you gunna study
Me- I dont need to study, the answers will be inside me ^_^


----------



## RawBudzski (Feb 12, 2011)

YOU WANT QUOTES. look up Baruch Spinoza


----------



## ArcadiaAbsent (Feb 15, 2011)

While watching curling during the winter olympics a year ago with a friend who is near sited, trying to examine the flags next to the team scores of England vs Germany on tv:

"Man, Germany is kicking Britain's ass! Or wait, is that the South?"


----------



## yoquierotacobell (Feb 23, 2011)

can't remember, i'll try again tomorrow.


----------



## boogieman26 (Feb 28, 2011)

"I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground." YA BUDDY!!!!!


----------



## VER D (Mar 5, 2011)

best quote i herd high was when i was stoned outta my mind was when i was gettin pizza from the delivery chick n she told me "sir, are you okay?" i wanted to laugh so hard


----------



## Don Stoner (Mar 25, 2011)

On a summers morning after a wake n bake i came to this conclusion:
I believe that, belief without evidence [Religion] is stupidity. but i have no evidence for this


----------



## sso (Mar 25, 2011)

there is no evil, only stupidity.


----------



## newworldicon (Mar 25, 2011)

Walking up to the main stage at V festival in Cape Town in 2001 wired on acid staring at two brothers helping each other to walk in my direction....upon passing them I overheard the one say to the other....." There must be an explanation for all of this" looking bewildered!


----------



## smhsmichael (Mar 30, 2011)

I kinda like seeds in my bowl. It gives me an intense head rush


----------



## tobias123 (Apr 1, 2011)

"I kinda like seeds in my bowl. It gives me an intense head rush" ....i read them all, this blew my mind the most


----------



## bunnyface (Apr 1, 2011)

aye,,my dad always says 'everything in moderation',,
but Oscar Wilde once said ' Moderation is a fatal thing, Nothing succeeds in life like excess'.


----------



## MoeD (Apr 1, 2011)

"For real, on a scale of one to a pig rolling around in his own shit of how fucked up i am....I am the cup in two girls one cup"


----------



## HarryCarey (Apr 1, 2011)

"Instead of marching down the street with M-1's and M-16's and all these rifles and stuff why not march down the street with a couple a guitars"-Jimi Hendrix Christmas on Earth concert 1967

"If you dont sing along I'm gonna put a curse on everybody here........ all of your babies will be born completely naked"-Hendrix 1967

Second one was just funny cause you dont expect that..and of course babies ARE born naked


----------



## NLNo5 (Apr 11, 2011)

Total Head said:


> me: watch the road!!
> 
> stoner friend: what road?


Doc: "Where we're going we don't need roads"


----------



## Green Inferno (Apr 11, 2011)

"I used to drink, I still drink, But I used to too".

I believe that was Steven Wright that said it.


----------



## benny blanco (Apr 16, 2011)

Say man, you got a joint? No not on me. You'd be a lot cooler if you did


I love high school, I get older and they stay the same age


----------



## benny blanco (Apr 16, 2011)

One thing bout music when it hits you feel no pain ~ bob marley


----------



## smokeymcnuggetz (Sep 21, 2011)

Green Inferno said:


> "I used to drink, I still drink, But I used to too".
> 
> I believe that was Steven Wright that said it.


 its actually... i used to do drugs, i still do but i used to too. and its mitch hedberg R.I.P


----------



## sasquatchstrain (Sep 21, 2011)

"I'm going to blow your bowels out!"


----------



## jakesnake (Sep 21, 2011)

where am I?


----------



## Clonex (Sep 21, 2011)

Me and my mate driving home from a 100 mile trip to collect a batch,
me "tony , your eye is closed , dont fall asleep at the wheel"
Tony "its ok mate , he's asleep - but the other 1's on the road "!!!


----------



## buddha webb (Sep 22, 2011)

Where were you going when you were coming back!Who tied my Donkey loose!..................TRUE....at school a boy named Ivan Franklyn was asked what a dozen was,im 40 so this was 27 yrs ago...Ivan replied ..................Eggs!!! I swear he said this,and i still love it!!!!................The Answers 12................just in case your related to Ivan..


----------



## Snowed (Sep 22, 2011)

" I feel like I'm dreaming, am I high???"


----------



## skunkpunk13 (Sep 22, 2011)

"time only heals when your letting go" -john oliva


----------



## justcallmenasty (Sep 22, 2011)

smokeymcnuggetz said:


> its actually... i used to do drugs, i still do but i used to too. and its mitch hedberg R.I.P


mitch hedberg cracks me up.


----------



## RavenMochi (Sep 23, 2011)

priest - "Use these precious few moments left to renounce Satan."
Voltaire - "Now, now, my good man, this is not the time for making enemies."


----------



## 2fast92 (Sep 28, 2011)

One time I was listening to Trenchtown Rock with my brother and I suddenly said "What if I was playin' this on my pubes?"

And then another time I was buying cigs for a friend and the cashier asked me what kind I wanted and I said, "I don't care, they're not for me." The total was 5 bucks flat and I gave the cashier 3 fives.

The best one was one time I was vapeing with my friend and he suddenly said, "Dude, when I'm sober I understand things, but when I'm high, I overstand them!" It blew my mind.


----------



## MrMeagadam (Oct 2, 2011)

"you see all that black shit in between the stars? ya its tripping me the fuck out." said by me on top of a roof really reallly fucked up, dont relly rember how i got off of there


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 7, 2011)

Staring at the night sky high or on acid will trip you the fuck out...


----------



## Jayy's (Oct 8, 2011)

RavenMochi said:


> Staring at the night sky high or on acid will trip you the fuck out...


Fuck a quote this is better! 

 jayy's


----------



## 2fast92 (Oct 9, 2011)

Jayy's said:


> Fuck a quote this is better!
> 
> jayy's


The only time i've looked at the stars when I was tripping was on shrooms.


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 9, 2011)

To me, its the enormousness of the whole thing. Not looking at it as dots in the sky, but that those are stars, with planets, the fact that were on a small dome, looking out. Like when your on something really high like a building, and they say don't look down, but you do. And you take in how high you are, that in reverse is what I feel. The vast emptiness, even if every one of those stars had a planet with life, the sheer distance makes us the same as someone stranded hundreds of miles from any signs of civilization. That same feeling of isolation sweeps over me. Crazy as shit, but thats the best I can describe it.


----------



## 2fast92 (Oct 12, 2011)

RavenMochi said:


> To me, its the enormousness of the whole thing. Not looking at it as dots in the sky, but that those are stars, with planets, the fact that were on a small dome, looking out. Like when your on something really high like a building, and they say don't look down, but you do. And you take in how high you are, that in reverse is what I feel. The vast emptiness, even if every one of those stars had a planet with life, the sheer distance makes us the same as someone stranded hundreds of miles from any signs of civilization. That same feeling of isolation sweeps over me. Crazy as shit, but thats the best I can describe it.


That's exactly what I think.


----------



## Tyron Biggums (Oct 13, 2011)

Before I do anything, I ask myself, "Would an idiot do this?" If the answer is yes, then I do not do that thing. - Dwight Schrute


----------



## Dislexicmidget2021 (Oct 13, 2011)

I may have boned a lot of fat chicks in my time but i never fornicated any of them,
-Billy Bob Thornton on bad santa


----------



## jamboss (Oct 14, 2011)

Blow your nose and not your mind.


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 15, 2011)

"I didn't think I would be running forever, I was just gonna ride till the wheels fall off..."

"So yea, I'm on the run, they don't know that, they don't need to know that." - Robert Spencer 

I watched that boys story, he had me laughing my ass off.


----------



## Da Almighty Jew (Oct 16, 2011)

" I'm a banana". " I like turtles"


----------



## 0calli (Oct 16, 2011)

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. 
Daniel J. Boorstin


----------



## BA142 (Oct 16, 2011)

"The past is certified as a finished product"

Not an amazing quote, but with what I was dealing with at the time it helped me a lot


----------



## Vietnamese Jesus (Oct 17, 2011)

ass n tittays


----------



## AMileHigh (Oct 19, 2011)

"were not getting fucked down... were getting fucked up"


----------



## AMileHigh (Oct 19, 2011)

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, 
which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." -Dr. Seuss


----------



## RavenMochi (Oct 19, 2011)

Dr. Suess is wicked on acid...&#8224;LOL&#8224; sorry, just had to say...


----------



## MJstudent (Oct 19, 2011)

NorthernChronic said:


> Here's some for the Canadians:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFuKkM-tqN0&feature=related


ahahahahaha TPB are the shit. "you know what a shit-berometer is bub?... measures the shit pressure in the air, you can feel it, listen bubs, you hear that, the sounds of the whispering winds of shit" hahahah


----------



## eye exaggerate (Oct 22, 2011)

...a french speaking person asks a question regarding smoking and nasal congestion on an english forum: "will I be able to breed deeper if I quit?"

True story


----------



## Psychedelic Breakfast (Oct 23, 2011)

Here's my favorite from dune

""Muad'Dib learned rapidly because his first training was in how to learn. And the first lesson of all was the basic trust that he could learn. It's shocking to find how many people do not believe they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult."


----------



## welshsmoker (Oct 23, 2011)

i sell happiness at 10 quid a gram, i still laugh at that.


----------



## Kleptomaniac (Nov 1, 2011)

*My friend once asked me "what do you want on your epitaph?" I replied "As long as I can smoke dope and fuck my girlfriend"*


----------



## RavenMochi (Nov 6, 2011)

"I think I can hear a microwave on the other side of this wall, must be like a break room or something..." - me
"so what does that mean?" - heph
"we should be quiter.." - me
"oh...well...its your hit *hands over bong*...so...hit it quietly?" -heph


----------



## bud nugbong (Nov 7, 2011)

"i used to work in a pepper factory, picking out flyshit with a boxing glove" -anonomous....i laughed for 10 mins when i heard a guy say this.


----------



## spandy (Nov 7, 2011)

If we choose to exist purely in a reality of our own making, does that render us insane? And if it does, isn't that better than a life of despair?


----------



## Super Toker (Apr 4, 2013)

JXChaos said:


> "do you like getting handjobs? yes!? do you like giving hanjobs? ew noo!! then your a hipicriter too" haha harold kumar 2


I like but was hypocritocizer too.


----------



## Super Toker (Apr 4, 2013)

What if Cat really meant Dog?


----------



## The Haze (Apr 7, 2013)

There is a war on drugs and the people on drugs are winning. ha....


----------



## The2TimEr (Apr 10, 2013)

texas was hit by a tragic tornado .... reports suggest $10M worth of improvements were made.


----------



## ricky1lung (Apr 10, 2013)

"ever wonder why guys have a seam line on their sac"

Never thought of it until I was asked.


----------



## mudminer (Apr 11, 2013)

i heard this, literally 2 sec. before being driven into a lake."i'm a good driver."


----------



## MrSteroids1 (Apr 14, 2013)

While in a psychedelic experience " Think with your spirit, not with your brain. "


While playing Team Fortress 2 " One day, I will not respawn. "


----------



## Rancho Cucamonga (Apr 14, 2013)

"Tastes like chicken" 

I heard this said in a car full of my friend's as we were getting baked when we were roading to a gravel pit keg party in our teen years and for some reason we all laughed hard, I can't remember what tasted like chicken.


----------



## Rancho Cucamonga (Apr 14, 2013)

ricky1lung said:


> "ever wonder why guys have a seam line on their sac"
> 
> Never thought of it until I was asked.


That's a short Dice Clay bit from the audio album "The Day The Laughter Died". One of the best raw comedic albums ever behind Eddie Murphy's video album "Raw" and Sam Kinison's audio album "Have you seen me Lately?"

Here is the bit line for line.

"What's that thing? That that separates them? You know what I mean that thing in the middle? Like the divider. I've been thinking about that for 3 weeks straight. I can't think of nothing else. Every day I wake up all I think about is the divider in my balls. Why? Why is that there? And after thinking about it. I figure it this way right. Some chick is blowing you right, could be any chick, it gives your balls like somewhere to rest. You know what I'm saying? I mean for instance let's say all you had was like one big bulldog ball, right? Now a chick is blowing you once again. So what's gonna happen? The ball is gonna roll off her nose block her vision right? I mean depending on which way your laying you could knock her fucking teeth out. You know it makes sense. "

I'm bored, a fan of this album and a speed typist.


----------



## Milovan (Apr 14, 2013)

I used to have a drug problem but
now I got money. - David Lee Roth ( '79 Van Halen)

It's better to be hated for who you are then to be
loved for who your not. - Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)


----------



## mudminer (Apr 17, 2013)

"would you please step out of the vehicle, sir."


----------



## mudminer (Apr 17, 2013)

"would you please step out of the vehicle for me, sir."


----------



## zzwasted (Apr 17, 2013)

_&#8220;Some even believe we are part of a secret cabal working against the best interests of the United States, characterizing my family and me as &#8216;internationalists&#8217; and of conspiring with others around the world to build a more integrated global political and economic structure &#8211; one world, if you will. If that&#8217;s the charge, I stand guilty, and I am proud of it.&#8221;
_-David Rockefeller, &#8220;Memoirs of David Rockefeller&#8221; p.405


----------



## GregS (May 7, 2013)

Or a long sentence moving at a certain pace down the page aiming for the bottom-if not the bottom of this page then some other page-where it can rest, or stop for a moment to think out the questions raised by its own (temporary) existence, which ends when the page is turned, or the sentence falls out of the mind that holds it (temporarily) in some kind of embrace, not necessarily an ardent one, but more perhaps the kind of embrace enjoyed (or endured), by a wife who has just waked up and is on her way to the bathroom in the morning to wash her hair, and is bumped into by her husband, who has been lounging at the breakfast table reading the newspaper, and doesn't see her coming out of the bedroom, but, when he bumps into her, or is bumped into by her, raises his hands to embrace her lightly, transiently, because he knows that if he gives her a real embrace so early in the morning, before she has properly shaken the dreams out of her head, and got her duds on, she won't respond, and may even become slightly angry, and say something wounding, and so the husband invests in this embrace not so much physical or emotional pressure as he might, because he doesn't want to waste anything-with this sort of feeling, then, the sentence passes through the mind more or less, and there is another way of describing the situation too, which is to say that the sentence crawls through the mind like something someone says to you while you are listening very hard to the FM radio, some rock group there, with its thrilling sound, and so, with your attention or the major part of it at least already rewarded, there is not much mind room you can give to the remark, especially considering that you have probably just quarreled with that person, the maker of the remark, over the radio being too loud, or something like that, and the view you take, of the remark, is that you'd really rather not hear it, but if you have to hear it, you want to listen to it for the smallest possible length of time, and during a commercial, because immediately after the commercial they're going to play a new rock song by your favorite group, a cut that has never been aired before, and you want to hear it and respond to it in a new way, a way that accords with whatever you're feeling at the moment, or might feel, if the threat of new experience could be (temporarily) overbalanced by the promise of possible positive benefits, or what the mind construes as such, remembering that these are often, really, disguised defeats (not that such defeats are not, at times, good for your character, teaching you that it is not by success alone that one surmounts life, but that setbacks, too, contribute to that roughening of the personality that, by providing a textured surface to place against that of life, enables you to leave slight traces, or smudges, on the face of human history-your mark) and after all, benefit-seeking always has something of the smell of raw vanity about it, as if you wished to decorate your own brow with laurel, or wear your medals to a cookout, when the invitation had said nothing about them, and although the ego is always hungry (we are told) it is well to remember that ongoing success is nearly as meaningless as ongoing lack of success, which can make you sick, and that it is good to leave a few crumbs on the table for the rest of your brethren, not to sweep it all into the little beaded purse of your soul but to allow others, too, part of the gratification, and if you share in this way you will find the clouds smiling on you, and the postman bringing you letters, and bicycles available when you want to rent them, and many other signs, however guarded and limited, of the community's (temporary) approval of you, or at least of it's willingness to let you believe (temporarily) that it finds you not so lacking in commendable virtues as it had previously allowed you to think, from its scorn of your merits, as it might be put, or anyway its consistent refusal to recognize your basic humanness and its secret blackball of the project of your remaining alive, made in executive session by its ruling bodies, which, as everyone knows, carry out concealed programs of reward and punishment, under the rose, causing faint alterations of the status quo, behind your back, at various points along the periphery of community life, together with other enterprises not dissimilar in tone, such as producing films that have special qualities, or attributes, such as a film where the second half of it is a holy mystery, and girls and women are not permitted to see it, or writing novels in which the final chapter is a plastic bag filled with water, which you can touch, but not drink: in this way, or ways, the underground mental life of the collectivity is botched, or denied, or turned into something else never imagined by the planners, who, returning from the latest seminar in crisis management and being asked what they have learned, say they have learned how to throw up their hands; the sentence meanwhile, although not insensible of these considerations, has a festering conscience of its own, which persuades it to follow its star, and to move with all deliberate speed from one place to another, without losing any of the "riders" it may have picked up just being there, on the page, and turning this way and that, to see what is over there, under that oddly-shaped tree, or over there, reflected in the rain barrel of the imagination, even though it is true that in our young manhood we were taught that short, punchy sentences were best (but what did he mean? doesn't "punchy" mean punch-drunk? I think he probably intended to say "short, punching sentences," meaning sentences that lashed out at you, bloodying your brain if possible, and looking up the word just now I came across the nearby "punkah," which is a large fan suspended from the ceiling in India, operated by an attendant pulling a rope-that is what I want for my sentence, to keep it cool!) we are mature enough now to stand the shock of learning that much of what we were taught in our youth was wrong, or improperly understood by those who were teaching it, or perhaps shaded a bit, the shading resulting from the personal needs of the teachers, who as human beings had a tendency to introduce some of their heart's blood into their work, and sometimes this may not have been of the first water, this heart's blood, and even if they thought they were moving the "knowledge" out, as the Board of Education had mandated, they could have noticed that their sentences weren't having the knockdown power of the new weapons whose bullets tumble end-over-end (but it is true that we didn't have these weapons at that time) and they might have taken into account the fundamental dubiousness of their project (but all the intelligently conceived projects have been eaten up already, like the moon and the stars) leaving us, in our best clothes, with only things to do like conducting vigorous wars of attrition against our wives, who have now thoroughly come awake, and slipped into their striped bells, and pulled sweaters over their torsi, and adamantly refused to wear any bras under the sweaters, carefully explaining the political significance of this refusal to anyone who will listen, or look, but not touch, because that has nothing to do with it, so they say; leaving us, as it were, with only things to do like floating sheets of Reynolds Wrap around the room, trying to find out how many we can keep in the air at the same time, which at least gives us a sense of participation, as though we were Buddha, looking down at the mystery of your smile, which needs to be investigated, and I think I'll do that right now, while there's still enough light, if you'll sit down over there, in the best chair, and take off all your clothes, and put your feet in that electric toe caddy (which prevents pneumonia) and slip into this permanent press hospital gown, to cover your nakedness-why, if you do all that, we'll be ready to begin! after I wash my hands, because you pick up an amazing amount of exuviae in this city, just by walking around in the open air, and nodding to acquaintances, and speaking to friends, and copulating with lovers, in the ordinary course (and death to our enemies! by and by)-but I'm getting a little uptight, just about washing my hands, because I can't find the soap, which somebody has used and not put back in the soap dish, all of which is extremely irritating, if you have a beautiful patient sitting in the examining room, naked inside her gown, and peering at her moles in the mirror, with her immense brown eyes following your every movement (when they are not watching the moles, expecting them, as in a Disney nature film, to exfoliate) and her immense brown head wondering what you're going to do to her, the pierced places in the head letting that question leak out, while the therapist decides just to wash his hands in plain water, and hang the soap! and does so, and then looks around for a towel, but all the towels have been collected by the towel service, and are not there, so he wipes his hands on his pants, in the back (so as to avoid suspicious stains on the front) thinking: what must she think of me? and, all this is very unprofessional and at-sea looking! trying to visualize the contretemps from her point of view, if she has one (but how can she? she is not in the washroom) and then stopping, because it is finally his own point of view that he cares about and not hers, and with this firmly in mind, and a light, confident step, such as you might find in the works of Bulwer-Lytton, he enters the space she occupies so prettily and, taking her by the hand, proceeds to tear off the stiff white hospital gown (but no, we cannot have that kind of pornographic merde in this majestic and high-minded sentence, which will probably end up in the Library of Congress) (that was just something that took place inside his consciousness, as he looked at her, and since we know that consciousness is always consciousness of something, she is not entirely without responsibility in the matter) so, then, taking her by the hand, he falls into the stupendous white puree of her abyss, no, I mean rather that he asks her how long it has been since her last visit, and she says a fortnight, and he shudders, and tells her that with a condition like hers (she is an immensely popular soldier, and her troops win all their battles by pretending to be forests, the enemy discovering, at the last moment, that those trees they have eaten their lunch under have eyes and swords) (which reminds me of the performance, in 1845, of Robert-Houdin, called The Fantastic Orange Tree, wherein Robert-Houdin borrowed a lady's handkerchief, rubbed it between his hands and passed it into the center of an egg, after which he passed the egg into the center of a lemon, after which he passed the lemon into the center of an orange, then pressed the orange between his hands, making it smaller and smaller, until only a powder remained, whereupon he asked for a small potted orange tree and sprinkled the powder thereupon, upon which the tree burst into blossom, the blossoms turning into oranges, the oranges turning into butterflies, and the butterflies turning into beautiful young ladies, who then married members of the audience), a condition so damaging to real-time social intercourse of any kind, the best thing she can do is give up, and lay down her arms, and he will lie down in them, and together they will permit themselves a bit of the old slap and tickle, she wearing only her Mr. Christopher medal, on its silver chain, and he (for such is the latitude granted the professional classes) worrying about the sentence, about its thin wires of dramatic tension, which have been omitted, about whether we should write down some natural events occurring in the sky (birds, lightning bolts), and about a possible coup d'etat within the sentence, whereby its chief verb would be-but at this moment a messenger rushes into the sentence, bleeding from a hat of thorns he's wearing, and cries out: "You don't know what you're doing! Stop making this sentence, and begin instead to make Moholy-Nagy cocktails, for those are what we really need, on the frontiers of bad behavior!" and then he falls to the floor, and a trap door opens under him, and he falls through that, into a damp pit where a blue narwhal waits, its horn poised (but maybe the weight of the messenger, falling from such a height, will break off the horn)-thus, considering everything very carefully, in the sweet light of the ceremonial axes, in the run-mad skimble-skamble of information sickness, we must make a decision as to whether we should proceed, or go back, in the latter case enjoying the pathos of eradication, in which the former case reading an erotic advertisement which begins, How to Make Your Mouth a Blowtorch of Excitement (but wouldn't that overtax our mouthwashes?) attempting, during the pause, while our burned mouths are being smeared with fat, to imagine a better sentence, worthier, more meaningful, like those in the Declaration of Independence, or a bank statement showing that you have seven thousand kroner more than you thought you had-a statement summing up the unreasonable demands that you make on life, and one that also asks the question, if you can imagine these demands, why are they not routinely met, tall fool? but of course it is not that query that this infected sentence has set out to answer (and hello! to our girl friend, Rosetta Stone, who has stuck by us through thick and thin) but some other query that we shall some day discover the nature of, and here comes Ludwig, the expert on sentence construction we have borrowed from the Bauhaus, who will-"Guten Tag, Ludwig!"-probably find a way to cure the sentence's sprawl, by using the improved way of thinking developed in Weimer-"I am sorry to inform you that the Bauhaus no longer exists, that all of the great masters who formerly thought there are either dead or retired, and that I myself have been reduced to constructing books on how to pass the examination for police sergeant"-and Ludwig falls through the Tugendhat House into the history of man-made objects; a disappointment, to be sure, but it reminds us that the sentence itself is a man-made object, not the one we wanted of course, but still a construction of man, a structure to be treasured for its weakness, as opposed to the strength of stones.

Donald Barthelme-"The Sentence"


----------



## GregS (May 7, 2013)

Nexxt question.


----------



## ILoveYouSweetLeaf (May 19, 2013)

What significance or relevance 
Do the inner perturbances have on the fulcrum


lyrics from a song by Christian death


----------



## Confucious (May 20, 2013)

Getting awesome socks the other day at the store and the clerk said to me, " Life is just to short to wear shitty socks."


----------



## TalonToker (May 26, 2013)

Because of you, half the time I don't even know I'm smiling.

I'm starting to like you less because I'm starting to love you more.


----------



## Lookwhatimblazn (May 27, 2013)

"it depends on what your definition of the word is, is" lol dont know if it has been previously said but i thought it was funny as all hell


----------



## jrainman (May 28, 2013)

is the Hokey pokey really what it is all about ?


----------



## beuffer420 (May 29, 2013)

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failures!


----------



## d3dm4n (May 30, 2013)

I once sat around for like an hour trying to figure out which came first the chicken or the egg... btw i figured it out


----------



## d3dm4n (May 30, 2013)

"I used to do drugs... Still do, but used to..."


----------



## dolamic (Jun 1, 2013)

The old chicken or the egg one always gets me.

As I go outside and garden I ponder the same thing with my vegetables.
Everything has a seed inside it, or produces seed somehow. 

So which one came first?

Very much a Confucius say, Yin-Yang thought.


----------



## hollerbomb (Jul 18, 2013)

"But the boy was not sorry for he was jealous of the dead man and before he went away he visited that place and cast away the rocks and dug up the bones and scattered them in the forest and then he went away. He went away to the west and he himself became a killer of men."
-The Judge


----------



## mr.maryj (Aug 4, 2013)

how about infinity times infinity..........


----------



## playallnite (Aug 9, 2013)

"anyone can be happy" Bob Dylan


----------



## chernobe (Aug 9, 2013)

"sir, keep you hands where i can see them and step out of the vehicle."


----------



## mr.maryj (Aug 21, 2013)

(kingofthehill) con sais happy thanks giving hank and peggy hillllbilly


----------



## Christianiadelic (Jun 17, 2014)

"A man is whatever room he is in" - Japanese proverb


----------



## spazatak (Jun 18, 2014)

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”


not sure who said this but I like it : When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."


----------



## sir-smoke-alot (Jun 27, 2014)

"Did you ever have a job that you hated and worked real hard at? A long, hard day of work. Finally you get to go home, get in bed, close your eyes and immediately you wake up and realize... that the whole day at work had been a dream. It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free"


----------



## cassinfo (Jul 2, 2014)

She spin on my cock and did a flip.


----------



## Mr. Bongwater (Jul 3, 2014)

"if all somebody does is eat, shit, fuck and sleep, and don't use their brain, how are they any different then dogs?"


----------



## Farmer Will (Jul 8, 2014)

Life is what happens when you're working on your dreams.


----------



## torontoke (Aug 12, 2014)

" the only thing that matters less than what i think....is what i want."

" it amazes me that your little tiny neck hasnt givin out yet...carrying around all that fukin knowledge!"

Things ive said to my boss while high lol


----------



## AlphaPhase (Aug 19, 2014)

"You are who you are now, not who you used to be." 

And, q - "where's the lighter?" a-" it's in your hand. '


----------



## Big Perm (Aug 19, 2014)

Common sense is not so common.


----------



## Big Perm (Aug 24, 2014)

Seeds are like fishing lures.
Some are made to catch fish, some are made to catch fishermen. -Big Perm


----------



## Letstrip (Aug 24, 2014)

_What damages you're "brain"is your own mind. Blockage to accept what you are seeing hearing or experiencing can cause ticks or a stutter. These are due to the self and ones thoughts beliefs and notions toward a situation or imagined there of. Psychedelics are good. It is one's recklessness with ones self that is an issue. Always fixable if they are ready to accept._


----------



## Letstrip (Aug 24, 2014)

The message of these plants takes us on to the next stage in life. In them the Earth has implanted deep wisdom, in spontaneous ways, we subconsciously learn and energetic methods are learned, psychic awareness is increased and intuition, the vision joins with life and actually reveals a subtle humor in all things, a subtle loving humor which is somehow the source of all things, divine compassion.


----------



## Letstrip (Aug 24, 2014)

"It is entirely possible that behind the perception of our senses, worlds are hidden of which we are unaware." - Albert Einstein


----------



## Mr. Bongwater (Aug 25, 2014)

"man, imagine u collected every roach from every joint u ever smoked in one big pile"


mine would be size of mountain Everest lol


----------



## N0iZ (Sep 24, 2014)

"Today is yesterday's tomorrow"


----------



## Milovan (Sep 24, 2014)

It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy!

 

"It's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you're not..."
-Kurt Cobain
----------------------------------
Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place
----------------------------------

The Very Best Cannabis is the stuff you grow yourself. 

Location be damned!

Sub


.


----------



## Milovan (Sep 24, 2014)

'The beautiful are never desolate
but someone always loves them.'

O she is all perfection,all that the blooming earth can send forth fair.
All that the gaudy heavens could drop down glorious.


----------



## Scroga (Sep 29, 2014)

A cockaroach can live for days without its severed head but... Can it surgically reattach it's severed penis? NO it cannot


----------



## TwistItUp (Oct 19, 2014)

"In life all there is is time. In time all there is is death."

Or maybe it was...

"In life all we have is time, with time all we have is death."

I recall wanting to get this as a tattoo along with a grim reaper holding a scythe and a hourglass. Times ticking type of thing.
I might have f*&@'ed up the quote but it was something to that effect. Don't recall where I saw this. If you figure out it was from some place bad, then you didn't hear this quote from me.


----------



## Roobarb (Oct 19, 2014)

Religion is like a penis. If you have one and touching it everyday makes you happy, then good for you. But if you take it out and wave it around and stick it in my face I'm gonna get upset


----------



## Cloud The Wizard (Nov 17, 2014)

Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.
Made me think for days.


----------



## thinn (Dec 5, 2014)

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways, going to bangkok.


----------



## TBoneJack (Dec 27, 2014)

"The hardest thing in life if figuring out what's important, and leaving everything else alone."


----------



## a senile fungus (Dec 27, 2014)

Milovan said:


> 'The beautiful are never desolate
> but someone always loves them.'
> 
> O she is all perfection,all that the blooming earth can send forth fair.
> All that the gaudy heavens could drop down glorious.



Beautiful...


----------



## dadio161 (Jan 10, 2015)

Camping without weed ...... is just sleeping outside .


----------



## dannyboy602 (Jan 10, 2015)




----------



## panhead (Jan 10, 2015)

This will only hurt for a little while , i'll only put the head of it in & i promise not to cum in yer mouth .

DAC .


----------



## SabreKittie (Jan 13, 2015)

"Sauteed chicken liver?! Might as well be eating afterbirth!"


----------



## SabreKittie (Jan 13, 2015)

"Hair color is just a formality."


----------



## rory420420 (Jan 13, 2015)

Alabama bitch,hairy snatch and turned up tits,makes my asshole want to itch..snakeshit!


----------



## rory420420 (Jan 13, 2015)

Equality is a lot like water,you pay it no mind till you don't get it and need it.
Wanna get wet?


----------



## doingdishes (Jan 20, 2015)

have you ever taken a crap so big your pants fit better? Ron White


----------



## Hot Diggity Sog (Jan 22, 2015)

TwistItUp said:


> "In life all there is is time. In time all there is is death."
> 
> Or maybe it was...
> 
> ...


I like this one a lot and I think the 1st version is a little better than the 2nd.


----------



## Lucifder (Jan 24, 2015)

"Animals have never had wars, so who are the real animals???" 

-Professor Farnsworth 
(Of futurama) 

I was pretty baked and when I heard him say it just blew my mind


----------



## vro (Jan 24, 2015)

fuck society i want to be free


----------



## Panjia (Feb 4, 2015)

"You have to be odd, to be number one" Dr. Seuss


----------



## BuzzD2Kill (Apr 12, 2015)

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln


----------



## ogreballerina (Apr 16, 2015)

My dad died peacefully in his sleep.
His friends in the backseat died screaming trying to wake him up .


----------



## Annieharp (Jun 8, 2015)

Naboo: Where's my frog?
Bollo: You smoked it last night.
Naboo: Oh yeah.


----------



## catherine kuenzi (Jun 22, 2015)

Rastamoney said:


> "Fat people are hard to kidnap."


XD


----------



## MidnightWolf (Jul 19, 2015)

"It makes me want to cry, when Angels deserve to die" System of a Down. Get stoned and ponder that.


----------



## bearkat42 (Jul 19, 2015)

Anything Rakim has ever said into a microphone.


----------



## MidnightWolf (Jul 19, 2015)

ogreballerina said:


> My dad died peacefully in his sleep.
> His friends in the backseat died screaming trying to wake him up .


Coffee thru the nose, thanks alot


----------

