# Crazy Sex Stories. No Fake Stories Please.



## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

man i had some wild times in my life .... 
from meeting chicks on the bus, getting busy at work, and just plain crazy nympho stories.... ill elaborate soon on my favorite sex moment.... but ill wait to see what you guys post.....
tbc....


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## hyphyjoose (Oct 20, 2008)

okay, not a sex story, but true

i learned how to masturbate when i was like 6 from that ace ventura movie where he goes to africa. i learned from that scene where they show him fapping in his tent and you see the shadow of his dick and he's jerkin it rofl. well anyway after i learn how to fap i go to school (was either kindergarten or 1st grade don't remember) the next day and i go over to my gf. all i remember is fingering her in the classroom while i'm fapping. i did this for the next couple months every day in classroom until eventually i got suspended. LOL


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## hyphyjoose (Oct 20, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> shit man your an early bloomer... i was like 13 when i figured it out.... i first had this weird techinque.....it was the dough roller method.... i cant explain it..... nice pecks man....your ripped....


judging by your ... and thinking, it sounds like you're the one ripped to me brah. LOL.. what are you smoking on? and thanks for ur words. i actually like my traps + quads the most, my chest needs work still.. 

now that i reflect on my fingering my gf, i wander if i even nutted? or if it felt good? or if what i was doing to her felt good? i mean @ 6 it's not like my testosterone is spiking or her estrogen is kicking in.. D:


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

shit im smokin some kush man... i go some really weird sex stories...im debating telling them..... it would be alot of typing... traps...lol.... your funny dude... i always see you on other thread talkin bout your regiment and getting buff....lol
hey everyone needs a gimmick.... im doing the sam jack...


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 20, 2008)

Now, what is considered crazy? I'm sitting here thinking, and can't think of anything that I, personally, would consider crazy....some damn good/fun times......

Jennifer


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## Bookworm (Oct 20, 2008)

i had my first (and at present only) threesome at Safari West (which is like this zoo thing in NorCal where you take a jeep tour through different animal enclosures, kind of like the wild animal park in san diego) with a 15 and a 16 year old from Canada when I spent the night there.


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## hyphyjoose (Oct 20, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> shit im smokin some kush man... i go some really weird sex stories...im debating telling them..... it would be alot of typing... traps...lol.... your funny dude... i always see you on other thread talkin bout your regiment and getting buff....lol
> hey everyone needs a gimmick.... im doing the sam jack...


damn right i fuckin love body building..ill do it till i die..spill some crazy stories my dude!! i bet u have plenty brah. i mean, idk if anything will be as morbid as a 6 yr jackin off while he fingers a 6 yr old girl but still!! lol: )


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## hyphyjoose (Oct 20, 2008)

Bookworm said:


> i had my first (and at present only) threesome at Safari West (which is like this zoo thing in NorCal where you take a jeep tour through different animal enclosures, kind of like the wild animal park in san diego) with a 15 and a 16 year old from Canada when I spent the night there.


OMFG!!!! dude, i swear to god, one time i went to safari west and there was dry cum on the backseat of the jeep! LOL


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## Bookworm (Oct 20, 2008)

hyphyjoose said:


> OMFG!!!! dude, i swear to god, one time i went to safari west and there was dry cum on the backseat of the jeep! LOL


wasn't mine! we did it in an empty cabin (the door locks are never used there unless occupied, btw)


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## Biggravy22 (Oct 20, 2008)

I had sex with your mom while you and your little brother played playstation in the living room.









































































































I kid.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

well a year back my license was suspendid..... and i was taking the bus.... in cali theres tons of hotties on the bus...... i was waiting for the bus to come and there were these two latina girls chilling at the bus stop.... they were be all loud and shit... talkin about they were going to party ....i was nearby....listening ...but tryin not too.... 
this drunk bum guy walked up.... it was kinda a ghetto neighborhood... and started asking the chicks all kind of weird questions... they were all annoyed by the horny descent dressed 40 year old mexican drunk guy.... and then thy said " hey leave us alone or ill tell my bf"... " hes right there...thats her bf...i seen em kiss"... so i turned around and was like " yeah watsup you got a problem... is this guy meesin with you".... the guy didnt seem to believe them..... I moved closer and grabbed the chick...putting my arm around her... the other girl said yeah i seen em kiss.... so after some more discuusion with the bum... i saw my chance and went in for the kiss.... she tounged me back.... and the bum left...
the girl was like thanx for saving us from the bum... and started fondling my stash.... i told em watsup you guy drink or toke...they said oh were gonna go to this party...can you buy us some drinks..... sio they took the bus wit me tooo my pad (it was close) and we bought some drank from the corner store....they were real young and hot .... i think atleast 18 but they could have lied.... we went in my house and they drank a beer each while i smoked blunt.... long story short....i ended up bangin one chick an hour later while the other chick passed out on my couch... they finally left but i dont know if they maid it to the party....
i thought that was crazy.... mad luck..... 
i have beta stories....thats just to start it up...


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## Big P (Oct 20, 2008)

ive told this one already but lets get the grossness bar high, so here it goes- this is the condenseded version


i was pounding this gurl like ive pounded no other, i was filthy drunk and could not catch a nut for nothin, 

this bitch was on the rag too and "flowin" to put it mildly, plus from what I heard she was an intravinus drug user and supposedly engaged to some other guy


so anyway im pummleing this poor child (she was 19) and i cant catch a nut for nothin, I was too drunk plus blood was all in her puss from her period, so I make the fateful decision to put it in her ass.


so now my bloody dick is just pummlin her in the ass, her ass is all bloody, my dick all bloody, everything real bloody. i swear no exadgerations i pummled her PMS bloody ass for at least hour straight trying to catch this elusive nut. Finally i just gave up on nuttin after porkin her atleast an hour and a half or two in her respective holes.



anyway, all her freinds looked at me differently the next morning, like "they knew"


like i was some nasty beast ass reamer or somthin, i think they wanted to be pounded too i dont know but 



but really if I was sober i would have splattered in 30 seconds



anyway i washed all the blood off that night in the shower. I still havent been able to wash off the shame compleatly



but a word of advice. if you really wanna have sex and bite the bullet and hit it while shes on the rag. pls,,,, pls,,,, pls, dont ever take it to the ass after that, you have seen no evil until you look down at your dick goin in and out of 2 bloody ass cheeks


PS i tested neg for aids thank god


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

i would have just tried to get a bj.....lol
yeah ive experienced bloody dick several times in my life.....
dumb past gf's thought they were finished wit the rag.....
hey atleast you got some anal..... its hard to get...lol...


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 20, 2008)

in the aparment complex i used to live in there was a main lobby area that connect all the wings and had a little lounge area on the ground floor with like chars and vending machines and a party room

anyways my boy and his girl were over chilling with me and my chick (in her apartment, thats how we met we were neighbors) and me and him smoked while the girls drank, i stayed only puffing weed (i dont really like to drink) while he proceeded to get hammered with the girls 

anyways the girl i was with had a room mate and she had come home and gone to bed and my friend and his girl had already started making out on the couch and my girl i guess was super horney and absolutely had to hit but we didnt have anywhere to do it cept the bathroom, it was probably around 3 in the morning 4 in the morning i dont remember, but we ventured out into the hallway and started going out it in the hallway that had all the doors to the other apartments in it we worked our way out to the lobby and ended up on one of the chairs in the lounge, went on or awhile till she started getting really loud and i heard doors opening and we ran back to her place and ran in on my friend nailing his g/f, there was an aquard silence at that point, then all of us just burst out laughing and he fell over taking his girl down with him which made it even funnier and we were all naked laughing on the floor when my girls roomate came outta her bedroom getting ready to yell at us


OMG it was rediculous


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

at least you didnt get hit in the eye with any nut....lol


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 20, 2008)

no but ive gotten myself in the mouth a lil bit before


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> no but ive gotten myself in the mouth a lil bit before


uhhhhhh.....grosss.... i didnt need to hear that...lol
ive tapped in the same room with another couple and even with an unsuspecting dorm roomate....sucks for them.... they always pretend to be sleepin but there awake...lol


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## Killa Man (Oct 20, 2008)

Love this post.. Yeh i banged a chick on her period, shit was nasty not only cuz i was fuckin a bloody hole but i could also feel the blood.......ugh... 

heres my story........

A


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 20, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> uhhhhhh.....grosss.... i didnt need to hear that...lol
> ive tapped in the same room with another couple and even with an unsuspecting dorm roomate....sucks for them.... they always pretend to be sleepin but there awake...lol




dude you dont even know... like how it happened _*I*_ dont even know it was just rediculous.... i thought it was physically impossible 

i wish it had never happened, i dont need to know what that tastes like


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## Killa Man (Oct 20, 2008)

nd.........here it is ...lol 

Back a few months ago after i broke up with my ex I was on the prowl downtown looking for someone to buy me alcohol and this latino chick came up to me and told me she over heard me and offered to buy for me...well she got me the beer and then asked if i wanted to walk her to her apartment which i immediately translated as wanna fuck? so we get to her apartment, fuck, then i bounce like 2 hours later and go back the next day..she offically becomes my jump off (regular fuck buddy) ...so after a while i get to know her and a few things come to light...shes 37, im 20...she has 4 kids that are in states custody...and her babys daddy (not her man) is still living with her ....none of this really bothered me cuz she had a fat booty any way so i was like fuck it...
So one night i go over to do the regular band and bounce and she lets me in like usual and the routine begins...so shes one top riding me and im just about nut when i look over and homeboys walking in puttin his keys on the table.her babby daddy...i panicked right there and threw the bitch off me and pulled my pants up and balled my fist up getting ready to fight....dude walks over to us where i was sitting to put my shoes on and where we just got done fuckin, in the meantime the house is reeking of pussy and sweat (does dick smell?), and the dude just sits down next to us and lights a cig...hes like "whats up guys, whats up man, whats your name" and he shakes my hand...like nothing ever happened!! if it couldnt get any wierder the dude lays down and pulls a bag of weed out from his nut sack and start packin a bowl! I couldnt beleive this dude walked in on me bangin his baby mamma and this dude just wants to chat and get high...
After we smoke dude gets up and grabs his stuff and just as he was about to leave he was like "i know what u guys were doiing, its cool, continue if you want" and then he walks out...i dont know if having 4 kids with this chick made him more comfortablle watching his old lady being banged or what but i do know one thing....i felt akward as FUCK after that and i never went back there.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

great story killa.....


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## Killa Man (Oct 20, 2008)

plenty more where that came from.....ill bump this thread in a day or two with another story...this one of my favorite threads so far...stay tuned for the story of the college chick who videotaped us banging without me knowing!...well....kinda gave it away there.lol


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

Killa Man said:


> plenty more where that came from.....ill bump this thread in a day or two with another story...this one of my favorite threads so far...stay tuned for the story of the college chick who videotaped us banging without me knowing!...well....kinda gave it away there.lol


i have the three nuts in 10 miute story, the alien asian hooch story, the wild guatemalin ghetto bang, the crazy talkative just shut up and blow me story.... and many more..lol...


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## Killa Man (Oct 20, 2008)

or the chick who swallowed the condom with her pussy and shot it out making a basket from across the room... 

^the first half of that was true


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

Killa Man said:


> or the chick who swallowed the condom with her pussy and shot it out making a basket from across the room...
> 
> ^the first half of that was true


pussy muscles are insanely strong..... nice touch on the last half....lol


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## Yeah (Oct 20, 2008)

Busted my head on a rearview mirror once. I was a soldier, though, and toughed it out.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

Yeah said:


> Busted my head on a rearview mirror once. I was a soldier, though, and toughed it out.


hellla funny yeah..... in the car while you was gridin right?????
i like your posts yeah.... you cracked me up on my top 10 newb questions....


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## Yeah (Oct 20, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> hellla funny yeah..... in the car while you was gridin right?????
> i like your posts yeah.... you cracked me up on my top 10 newb questions....


yeah dude, i was climbing from the front seat to the back, while holding this girl on my .... I was like, "FUCK!!!" So I just got mad and jumped back there doing a naked cartwheel. I need darker tints.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 20, 2008)

naked cartwheel.....thats fuckin awesome...... i see the quote on the bottom...
look at that bastard cheezy, hes a beast, hes a dog, hes amutha fuckin problem.....


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## tallanasty (Oct 21, 2008)

haha i got a couple, ill start off with an easy going one. 
well in high school we were all trying to get laid for the first time. when ever we thought one of our boys were gonna get laid we would all run to the room and hide in the closet/under the bed/in a laundry basket to try and watch it go down. (hahah this shit is cracking me up) well we could tell it was finally about to happen with a friend and the girl hed been talking too. so we ran up and found some spots, and one of had a video camera. they came up shortly after and after about 20 minutes of foreplay it started goin down. lol at one point one of is in the room crawled up and tickled the girls feet. first time she didnt do anything but he did it again and she looked around and was like what the fuck. after that she goes hey, whats that red light in the closet? we start bustin out laughing and run up and get my friends face on camera with the biggest smile on his face. damn those were good times.


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 21, 2008)

I don't think this story is crazy....but it sure was a lot of fun! I went to stay with a friend of mine and we were all getting drunk. She invited this one guy over and he ended up wanting to fuck. Well, I didn't want to fuck him but I was horny as hell.....so I went and woke her drunk ass up messed around with her, then turned around and screwed her boyfriend with her watching. Granted that was the last time I seen her.....she was very pissed about it the next day! That was ok, she didn't know that it was about the 5th time I had fucked him.....

I have a bunch of stories....haha....just don't know what I should really share....couldn't decide between what I just wrote and when I was screwing/getting fisted at the rodeo with cops around. 

Jennifer


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## Big P (Oct 21, 2008)

SmokinBong83 said:


> I don't think this story is crazy....but it sure was a lot of fun! I went to stay with a friend of mine and we were all getting drunk. She invited this one guy over and he ended up wanting to fuck. Well, I didn't want to fuck him but I was horny as hell.....so I went and woke her drunk ass up messed around with her, then turned around and screwed her boyfriend with her watching. Granted that was the last time I seen her.....she was very pissed about it the next day! That was ok, she didn't know that it was about the 5th time I had fucked him.....
> 
> I have a bunch of stories....haha....just don't know what I should really share....couldn't decide between what I just wrote and when I was screwing/getting fisted at the rodeo with cops around.
> 
> Jennifer


 

aaaaah nothing like getting fisted on a hot summer day

got any pics to spice things up jen?


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 21, 2008)

I have no pics. Just on my phone....

Jennifer


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 21, 2008)

Big P said:


> aaaaah nothing like getting fisted on a hot summer day


haha talk about multiple orgasms! 

Jennifer


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## mahlye (Oct 21, 2008)

tallanasty said:


> haha i got a couple, ill start off with an easy going one.
> well in high school we were all trying to get laid for the first time. when ever we thought one of our boys were gonna get laid we would all run to the room and hide in the closet/under the bed/in a laundry basket to try and watch it go down. (hahah this shit is cracking me up) well we could tell it was finally about to happen with a friend and the girl hed been talking too. so we ran up and found some spots, and one of had a video camera. they came up shortly after and after about 20 minutes of foreplay it started goin down. lol at one point one of is in the room crawled up and tickled the girls feet. first time she didnt do anything but he did it again and she looked around and was like what the fuck. after that she goes hey, whats that red light in the closet? we start bustin out laughing and run up and get my friends face on camera with the biggest smile on his face. damn those were good times.




that was a great story lol. good laugh.

My craziest sex story goes like this

during my Jr. year I was the vocalist of a really popular band, so of course we had opportunities with a lot of girls. it got to a point where we were trading off girls like, "You can have this one, but I want her so I'll give you this one if I can have her. two for one dude." well me and my friend wanted the same girl, she was soooo so sexy. he told me I could have her and i really liked this girl so I wanted to date her, I was so happy =D but then two days later she's dating the kid that said he'd back off. I was so fucking outraged. first I yelled at him on a really busy street and he ran from me, then I calmed down and accepted it. but then we were all at band practice, right...and the girl shows up. I'm like wtf. in between songs she's going crazy like OMG OMG and kisses the kid. at that point I had enough and hated my friend for fucking me over, because I REALLY liked this girl a lot. so I thought to myself, "he's about to get a kick in his dick." his girlfriend goes upstairs and I go up with her and we're hanging out in my friends room on his bed. basically, one thing led to another and she wanted to have sex with me. I 'opened' up to her and told her how I felt. she was driven by passion and estrogen. we couldnt have sex in his bed because that's OD. we had sex in his parents bed. and got caught by his mom AND dad. and I was kicked out there house and we started practicing at mine and kicked out the loser that went back on his word. and I continued having sex with that girl. then broke up with her for another one. the end.


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 21, 2008)

I found a pic....but don't know how to load it (honestly I'm lazy right now to look to see). I just thought of another fun time

Went out to a friends for a bonfire and to party a bit. Our two choices was on the ground or in a car. So we jumped in the car. He was in passenger seat and I was riding. So after about ten minutes a friend of his jumped in the car and started driving all over this field. Pretty much mudding while we're fucking. Next thing I know we are stuck in a pond!


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

SmokinBong83 said:


> I found a pic....but don't know how to load it (honestly I'm lazy right now to look to see). I just thought of another fun time
> 
> Went out to a friends for a bonfire and to party a bit. Our two choices was on the ground or in a car. So we jumped in the car. He was in passenger seat and I was riding. So after about ten minutes a friend of his jumped in the car and started driving all over this field. Pretty much mudding while we're fucking. Next thing I know we are stuck in a pond!


as much as id love too see that pic...id have too say its okay...dont..... you might get my thread closed.... but you can send me a pm...lol....just when you post go to go advanced....and then manage attachments....not for the fist pic...lol...but for future reference....... 
You are the first lady here...watch out for these horndogs......
more stories coming soon from cheez....


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 21, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> as much as id love too see that pic...id have too say its okay...dont..... you might get my thread closed.... but you can send me a pm...lol....just when you post go to go advanced....and then manage attachments....not for the fist pic...lol...but for future reference.......
> You are the first lady here...watch out for these horndogs......
> more stories coming soon from cheez....


watch out for horndogs? haha I think I may be as bad as half of them! 

Jennifer


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

september 2006 i was 18

so i was seeing this chick for like maybe 3 or 4 days she was 20 and 
we were finally alone on my bed and we are foreplaying and all that good stuff so now its her turn im sucking on her titts and all that then i start makin my way down and im about to her bellybutton and i reallly start smellin that poon so i take her panties off and spread her legs stick my face in and i do "the tear drop" and i got dizzy it reeked hellaaaa bad i almost puked then i told her to get the hella outta my mommas house lol damn i can almost smell and taste it it was so pungent.fishy and putrid.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

KushKing949 said:


> september 2006 i was 18
> 
> so i was seeing this chick for like maybe 3 or 4 days she was 20 and
> we were finally alone on my bed and we are foreplaying and all that good stuff so now its her turn im sucking on her titts and all that then i start makin my way down and im about to her bellybutton and i reallly start smellin that poon so i take her panties off and spread her legs stick my face in and i do "the tear drop" and i got dizzy it reeked hellaaaa bad i almost puked then i told her to get the hella outta my mommas house lol damn i can almost smell and taste it it was so pungent.fishy and putrid.


that reminds me of this one chick i knew.... we worked together....and i found out she had a crush on me..... 
i didnt really think she was that hot....but at the time i had no one else besides my hand so i went out with her a couple times..... she told me she had a heart problem...and was waitin fro a transplant.....and that she was dying... i think that she was cause she looked alright but unhealthy..... but she lied about everything..... everyday it was a new story.... she would buy me clothes and take me out and pay for dinner and concerts.... but she told me she wouldnt let me hit until i made it official i was her bf.... i didnt want her that way tho...
long story short i would take her to my place and we would kiss sometimes...and i would try getting some head or something...casue she bragged about givin head....she would tease me and take out my wang and lick it once or twice and put it back..... it sucked....

So heres the crazy part..... after the gifts and pampering for 3 weeks i started geting tired and went into her pants and tried to lick around.... and the shit was nasty dank... it was rootten....and when i licked it i noticed the hairy beaver was shedding ...i got a furball...and i got up and ran to the bathroom.... woah it was so disgusting .... never saw her again....she really was sick.... a period like once every three months....


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> that reminds me of this one chick i knew.... we worked together....and i found out she had a crush on me.....
> i didnt really think she was that hot....but at the time i had no one else besides my hand so i went out with her a couple times..... she told me she had a heart problem...and was waitin fro a transplant.....and that she was dying... i think that she was cause she looked alright but unhealthy..... but she lied about everything..... everyday it was a new story.... she would buy me clothes and take me out and pay for dinner and concerts.... but she told me she wouldnt let me hit until i made it official i was her bf.... i didnt want her that way tho...
> long story short i would take her to my place and we would kiss sometimes...and i would try getting some head or something...casue she bragged about givin head....she would tease me and take out my wang and lick it once or twice and put it back..... it sucked....
> 
> So heres the crazy part..... after the gifts and pampering for 3 weeks i started geting tired and went into her pants and tried to lick around.... and the shit was nasty dank... it was rootten....and when i licked it i noticed the hairy beaver was shedding ...i got a furball...and i got up and ran to the bathroom.... woah it was so disgusting .... never saw her again....she really was sick.... a period like once every three months....


ouch thats horrible for real yall ladies need to keep that shit clean 
maybe u should have got the hint not to go into her pants.....cuz maybe she wasnt gonna be clena and shaved until u were her bf ya mean? but damn arent we so lucky we have outdoor plumbing?


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## GrowSpecialist (Oct 21, 2008)

When I was a teenager, I was traveling from Michigan to Florida on a Greyhound bus. I met this hot young chick who was horny as hell. We went into the little bathroom on the bus and had sex. then we went back to our seats and she gave me oral sex. One guy saw what was happening and gave me a thumbs up. Good times.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

GrowSpecialist said:


> When I was a teenager, I was traveling from Michigan to Florida on a Greyhound bus. I met this hot young chick who was horny as hell. We went into the little bathroom on the bus and had sex. then we went back to our seats and she gave me oral sex. One guy saw what was happening and gave me a thumbs up. Good times.


shit i wish i was there....
we could have took turns.....lol
how many people were on the bus....????


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## Keenly (Oct 21, 2008)

my story sucks...

so i was at my girlfriends house cause she wanted to play horse in the pool with her basket ball hood

after swimmin around and some other crap were both pretty damn horny so we get out of the pool and go in her room on her bed

i try to put it in, but both our skin is really dry from the chlorine

im like screw it feels so good ill go for it


i pushed too hard....

i felt a pop but just thought it was a release of tension in my cock

i look down and theres some blood, and my girlfriend is IMMEADIATLY embarrassed and apologetic and saying im sorry im sorry and i was like relax its not big deal

like 30 seconds later im putting on my pants while she is still hella sorry about it

and i look at my boxers and realize there is more blood than there was before



........

my .... IS BLEEDING

apparently some of the soft skin under the head had ripped due to not enough lubrication
...

oh my god ive never seen so much blood

she gave me a t shirt and i stuffed it down my pants and made a little .... tourniqute.... having to walk around all day with my hand on the t shirt in my croth to stop the bleeding

oh my god it was bad
i was freaking out cause my MANHOOD WAS bleeding....and starting getting light headed and shit what a bad day


,,,,


another story i used to work at wendys and the entire 3 years i worked there only 1 hot chick showed up,,,, so long story short i get her to come over to my house and never fails we start making out and blah blah

this happens several times

were both on our half hour break at the same time one night and we decide to go to my car and have sex

right as we start going at it her boyfriend pulls into the parking lot a few spots down
apparently to visit her on her break

well like 15 minutes later when were done having sex we both pop out of the car, i even zip up my pants right in front of this guy,

and she runs over there jumps in his arms and kisses him

HUGE smile on my face considering this chick just gave me head and had sex with me then tounge kissed her boyfriend... good times


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## GrowSpecialist (Oct 21, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> shit i wish i was there....
> we could have took turns.....lol
> how many people were on the bus....????


It was full.


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## GrowSpecialist (Oct 21, 2008)

Keenly, its posts like yours (which contain vulgar language) that will get this thread closed. Please try not to be vulgar when posting your stories.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

at least u didnt break your dick keenly.....lol... 
thats more of a horror story.... 
man i haope my chick aint like the wendies chick......lol


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## Keenly (Oct 21, 2008)

GrowSpecialist said:


> Keenly, its posts like yours (which contain vulgar language) that will get this thread closed. Please try not to be vulgar when posting your stories.


sorry but its kind of hard not to use vulgar language in both sex stories and stories that really have scarred you



edit: previous post edited


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## GrowSpecialist (Oct 21, 2008)

Keenly said:


> sorry but its kind of hard not to use vulgar language in both sex stories and stories that really have scarred you


Yeah I know it is. Thats why I don't agree with the "explicit language" rule. We're all SUPPOSED to be adults here... but thats the way it is so we have to choose our words carefully or threads will get closed.


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## sarah22 (Oct 21, 2008)

KushKing949 said:


> september 2006 i was 18
> 
> so i was seeing this chick for like maybe 3 or 4 days she was 20 and
> we were finally alone on my bed and we are foreplaying and all that good stuff so now its her turn im sucking on her titts and all that then i start makin my way down and im about to her bellybutton and i reallly start smellin that poon so i take her panties off and spread her legs stick my face in and i do "the tear drop" and i got dizzy it reeked hellaaaa bad i almost puked then i told her to get the hella outta my mommas house lol damn i can almost smell and taste it it was so pungent.fishy and putrid.


ok...i have to ask...whats "the tear drop"? lol
edit* this is the reason i decided not to be a piercer. i couldnt handle piercing peoples smelly bits...lol


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## sarah22 (Oct 21, 2008)

i feel so tame reading this thread...well...i mean, i am...but still! haha. the craziest thing thats happened to me was getting felt up in a back ally one night after the bar...yea yea i know...im boring...but i still felt the need to contribute


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## Keenly (Oct 21, 2008)

come on where the crazy stories at?


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

sarah22 said:


> ok...i have to ask...whats "the tear drop"? lol
> edit* this is the reason i decided not to be a piercer. i couldnt handle piercing peoples smelly bits...lol


 watch Dane Cook Vicious circle he explains it 
but its pretty much a head motion i was gonna stuff my face in that poon but just as fast as my head went down it came back up 
it was just the motion i made with my head thats called a "tear drop"


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

sarah im sorrry ...no virgins allowed...lol..its okay you can stay....
and kush king dane cook is prolly the worst comedian ever..thank you tho....for expalining....
tomorrow ill have more stories.... stay tuned....


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

really u dont like dane cook???? hes not the best but hes pretty funny 

LOUIS C.K. is one funny mofo with a dirty mouth


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## ALX420 (Oct 21, 2008)

i was having sex with a girl.
i pulled out and shot straight in her mouth.
it was a good 4 foot shot.

and once i was at my parents house and had a girl over.
i was dogging her in the living room.
i pulled out and came all over a framed painting of a sail boat.
about 6 feet.

i've also had sex in a bunch of public places.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i was having sex with a girl.
> i pulled out and shot straight in her mouth.
> it was a good 4 foot shot.
> 
> ...


wth! you got some range..... thats not to crazy from my standards...lol.
i sea shot a chick in the eye once by accident after i pulled out.... but normally id do it for fun ...... ill stop there..lol
and i dont get how you went from girl at moms house too picture frame......lol


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i was having sex with a girl.
> i pulled out and shot straight in her mouth.
> it was a good 4 foot shot.
> 
> ...



wow u could seriously make someone go blind or poke an eye out


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## ALX420 (Oct 21, 2008)

once she was on top and i came on my own chest.


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## KushKing949 (Oct 21, 2008)

when i was 17 i was doin this 14 yr old doggie style and she was bent over my bed and she ejaculated sooooo hard my dick slipped outta that vag with intensive force she made a mess all over the side of my bed lol


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

alright dude enuff with the jizz shots..... i want elaborate stories please....lol


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## ALX420 (Oct 21, 2008)

too much jizz for cheezy.

once i was having sex a girl and the my friend that had a crush on her walked in.

we played it off.

what a rush.

i would rep you cheezy. but i have given you too much rep already. aww skeet.


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## Danky^dank (Oct 21, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> once she was on top and i came on my own chest.


that always sucks


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## ALX420 (Oct 21, 2008)

it's hit my pillow before too. thats almost worse.



almost.


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## Danky^dank (Oct 21, 2008)

SmokinBong83 said:


> watch out for horndogs? haha I think I may be as bad as half of them!
> 
> Jennifer


im not a horn dog but my pm box is empty and would love to have some pics


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## Danky^dank (Oct 21, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> it's hit my pillow before too. thats almost worse.
> 
> 
> 
> almost.


LOL + rep to you man


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## CaptE (Oct 21, 2008)

One time this chick was blowin me on her bed and she got tired like most do and wouldnt give me the pussy so she was jekin me off and she was like my parents are gonna be home soon u need to hurry up and i said well u need to hurry up i cant help it. so she started jerkin me extremely fast and i grabbed her pillow and covered my face and nuted all over it and the covers behind me. her reaction was hilarious (pissed at me). it was a good nut too.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

CaptE said:


> One time this chick was blowin me on her bed and she got tired like most do and wouldnt give me the pussy so she was jekin me off and she was like my parents are gonna be home soon u need to hurry up and i said well u need to hurry up i cant help it. so she started jerkin me extremely fast and i grabbed her pillow and covered my face and nuted all over it and the covers behind me. her reaction was hilarious (pissed at me). it was a good nut too.


i hate hand jobs..... i can never get off on them.....lol....thats a little better now were gettin back on track....


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## ALX420 (Oct 21, 2008)

Danky^dank said:


> LOL + rep to you man


i would return the favor.

but it seems i have been quite the Rep whore lately.

catch you next time fo sho.


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## tallanasty (Oct 21, 2008)

heres one from spring break. so were we go to the beach with nowhere to stay but we know a lot of people with a room so we were just gonna try to crash somewhere. we ended up in a room with 3 girls. to make a long story short me and two of my boys ended up pluggin em. but it was a little extreme cuz we were wasted. it started slow but builded up to just strait desgracefullness. here are some quotes we threw out. 
"ya you sluts love these dicks."
"take that shit you dirty whore"
"you love that daddy dick dont you"
haha and they just kept gettin plowed. then all six of us moved to the shower. the girls heads were all crammed up in the corners and shit lol, and with the water on we would smack ass and it was so loud. at one point i look back and see my other two friends just sitting in the room, drinking beer, eating doritos watching the show. so after about two hours of doggin them out were like "peace sluts were gonna go find some new pussy." we walk the boardwalk for like an hour ignoring all their phone calls. eventually we realize were not getting with anything else so we call them back and ask if we can stay. they said yes, and were crying not knowing if we were alright. lol we stay the night and when we leave we take one of their lipsticks and on the mirror write, "thanks for the place, pussy, and doritos."


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

tallanasty said:


> heres one from spring break. so were we go to the beach with nowhere to stay but we know a lot of people with a room so we were just gonna try to crash somewhere. we ended up in a room with 3 girls. to make a long story short me and two of my boys ended up pluggin em. but it was a little extreme cuz we were wasted. it started slow but builded up to just strait desgracefullness. here are some quotes we threw out.
> "ya you sluts love these dicks."
> "take that shit you dirty whore"
> "you love that daddy dick dont you"
> haha and they just kept gettin plowed. then all six of us moved to the shower. the girls heads were all crammed up in the corners and shit lol, and with the water on we would smack ass and it was so loud. at one point i look back and see my other two friends just sitting in the room, drinking beer, eating doritos watching the show. so after about two hours of doggin them out were like "peace sluts were gonna go find some new pussy." we walk the boardwalk for like an hour ignoring all their phone calls. eventually we realize were not getting with anything else so we call them back and ask if we can stay. they said yes, and were crying not knowing if we were alright. lol we stay the night and when we leave we take one of their lipsticks and on the mirror write, "thanks for the place, pussy, and doritos."


wow that sounds awesome man..... 
i love yelling shit out like that....and chicks really dig that shit.... i know....i never shut up when im bangin a new girl....lol
this one girl taught me the art of dirty talk awhile back....shes my role model.... lol


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## tallanasty (Oct 21, 2008)

yo cheez lets get some more from you...


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## 323cheezy (Oct 21, 2008)

tallanastyyo cheez lets get some more from you... 



323cheezy said:


> i have the three nuts in 10 miute story, the alien asian hooch story, the wild guatemalin ghetto bang, the crazy talkative just shut up and blow me story.... and many more..lol...


there coming soon....dont bust that nut just yet...lol


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## sarah22 (Oct 21, 2008)

KushKing949 said:


> wow u could seriously make someone go blind or poke an eye out


 *sigh*...its all fun and games until someone gets shot in the eye...lol


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## PadawanBater (Oct 21, 2008)

Bahahaha damn this thread is awesome!

When I was 17, I was dating this 16 year old girl and I drove down to Riverside to meet her dad for the first time. So we got there and hung out for a bit, went out to dinner and went back to his place with him and his girlfriend. After a bit my girlfriend and her dads girlfriend decided to go pick up a pizza so me and her dad just hung out at his place. So right after the door closed, he handed me a pipe packed with some dank herb, ahaha, this was when I just started smoking, and I told him my chick (his daughter) would be pissed if I toked up (because she didn't like it), but he just said "oh don't worry about that" and I blazed haha! So then, they get back, the room smells like weed and both of us are high as a kite, she's pissed and I eat some pizza and laugh with her dad. After that she chills out a bit and we go outside and get into my truck, she gets horny and we start going at it. I think her pants were completely off and mine were down around my ankles and she was on top in the back of the truck bed. Then her dad comes out of nowhere with a flashlight walking up to the side of the camper! I don't know how much he saw, but he just walked back to his house and I ended up leaving a little while later...lmao.


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 22, 2008)

PadawanBater said:


> Bahahaha damn this thread is awesome!
> 
> When I was 17, I was dating this 16 year old girl and I drove down to Riverside to meet her dad for the first time. So we got there and hung out for a bit, went out to dinner and went back to his place with him and his girlfriend. After a bit my girlfriend and her dads girlfriend decided to go pick up a pizza so me and her dad just hung out at his place. So right after the door closed, he handed me a pipe packed with some dank herb, ahaha, this was when I just started smoking, and I told him my chick (his daughter) would be pissed if I toked up (because she didn't like it), but he just said "oh don't worry about that" and I blazed haha! So then, they get back, the room smells like weed and both of us are high as a kite, she's pissed and I eat some pizza and laugh with her dad. After that she chills out a bit and we go outside and get into my truck, she gets horny and we start going at it. I think her pants were completely off and mine were down around my ankles and she was on top in the back of the truck bed. Then her dad comes out of nowhere with a flashlight walking up to the side of the camper! I don't know how much he saw, but he just walked back to his house and I ended up leaving a little while later...lmao.



WOW thats one layed back dad, smoked you up then let you plow his daughter in his truck lmao


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## iamthatguy (Oct 22, 2008)

ok I will join in ...

During High school I had a pretty nympho of a GF. One time at an outdoor concert we were at a big tailgating party outside the concert and were surrounded by people she was all horny and wanted to go into my car. My car was a older wagon style landcruiser on 35 inch tires with limo tinting. So anyway we just start f'ing in the far back as people walked all around us. We could see them but they could not see us. It was pretty distracting but we made it work ....... lol

Another time at a Primus concert which was indoors and dark in stadium seating SUROUNDED by people she just reached over and undid my pants slipped them down got me hard and sat on my lap and just started gyrating ...... Were talking people we dont know on my left and behind us ..... SURROUNDED ...... lol ....... i miss the old days ..... lol


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## iamthatguy (Oct 22, 2008)

PadawanBater said:


> Bahahaha damn this thread is awesome!
> 
> When I was 17, I was dating this 16 year old girl and I drove down to Riverside to meet her dad for the first time. So we got there and hung out for a bit, went out to dinner and went back to his place with him and his girlfriend. After a bit my girlfriend and her dads girlfriend decided to go pick up a pizza so me and her dad just hung out at his place. So right after the door closed, he handed me a pipe packed with some dank herb, ahaha, this was when I just started smoking, and I told him my chick (his daughter) would be pissed if I toked up (because she didn't like it), but he just said "oh don't worry about that" and I blazed haha! So then, they get back, the room smells like weed and both of us are high as a kite, she's pissed and I eat some pizza and laugh with her dad. After that she chills out a bit and we go outside and get into my truck, she gets horny and we start going at it. I think her pants were completely off and mine were down around my ankles and she was on top in the back of the truck bed. Then her dad comes out of nowhere with a flashlight walking up to the side of the camper! I don't know how much he saw, but he just walked back to his house and I ended up leaving a little while later...lmao.




lol I have a similar but worse .....

So my dads date brings her daughter over and my dads tells me to take her out so he can have some time alone with his date ...... She is pretty hot but its just a weird situation soooo.......... I end up taking her out and actually having a good time. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex............. Anyway you know why he asked me to take her out .... He wanted to propose to the lady ...... so needless to say the chick I had sex with ...... well ya she is now my sister ........... lol


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## ALX420 (Oct 22, 2008)

my and a girl were at a party.
we were pretty drugged up.
the party started winding down.
so she dragged me to the living room floor.
busted a quickie.
lights were on.
people were around drinking.
nobody even flinched.
then we went back to my house.
gotta love the stamina drugs give you.

great party.


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

sigh...i could write about alot of sexy times thats wierd/crazy....

So i was dating this girl for a couple a months and she had never smoked pot in her life cause her dad was like some sort of cop idk, but she came to my house when my parents where out of town and i talked her into smokin some bomb ass nugs out of this bong i had....needless to say the first hit she took was so big she instantly coughed it all out and i couldnt even see her face for a second or two lol. So anyways we go to fuck and like shes askin me "how long does this shit last?" Shes trippin out and shit lol....well we were gettin it on pretty good, she was on top, and i had to bust a nut...so i pulled out and she just kept going up and down and some how it went right in her ass....dont know how...it seriously just popped in there...and she was killing it for a second... and she stopped ad looked at me with a wierd face and was like "Its in my butt aint it!?" I about died! I was laughin so fuckin hard...she just moved up and was like whipe that thing off before you put it back in....ROFL> True shit man....


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 22, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> sigh...i could write about alot of sexy times thats wierd/crazy....
> 
> So i was dating this girl for a couple a months and she had never smoked pot in her life cause her dad was like some sort of cop idk, but she came to my house when my parents where out of town and i talked her into smokin some bomb ass nugs out of this bong i had....needless to say the first hit she took was so big she instantly coughed it all out and i couldnt even see her face for a second or two lol. So anyways we go to fuck and like shes askin me "how long does this shit last?" Shes trippin out and shit lol....well we were gettin it on pretty good, she was on top, and i had to bust a nut...so i pulled out and she just kept going up and down and some how it went right in her ass....dont know how...it seriously just popped in there...and she was killing it for a second... and she stopped ad looked at me with a wierd face and was like "Its in my butt aint it!?" I about died! I was laughin so fuckin hard...she just moved up and was like whipe that thing off before you put it back in....ROFL> True shit man....




thats so funny man.. maybe she just has a loose asshole or something


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> thats so funny man.. maybe she just has a loose asshole or something


either that or he has a skinny stiffy....lol...
remind me of a story....ill share it soon...i really got to go....


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

nah we had done it in the ass a few time before i think i stretched it lol


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 22, 2008)

hahahahahahahahahaha

it was GAPING


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

LMAO! prolly was at that time...


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## MisterMicro (Oct 22, 2008)

im like one meeting away from getting in my step mums sweet thighs, im dieng to get in there man, i finaly got through to her about 4 nights ago, i got kicked out of my pad so i whent over there for place to stay. i ended up sleeping in her bed and the thought of fucking this bitch sensless kept me up all night. i finaly just whent for it, started massaging her thigh and shit, she finally woke up and just seisured in suprise, but not onunce did she tell me to stop she just gave me a mello what are yo u doing? so i told her i had to find out where her curiousities lie, or if she was just a big tease. she just avoided it rather than facing it and went down to have a cup of coffee. after that, the whole weekend was nothing but a flirtation orgy. but the moment just never came. ill report back when i stuck her, the kicker is im 18, shes 49.


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

duuuuuuddde i so wanted to bang one of my step moms before....i thought of it constantly hahaha. I love a MILF.


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## MisterMicro (Oct 22, 2008)

dude nothing like it. omg im going to give her the biggest load there ever was. Yeah! that shit just haunts the mind. im not going to live with the regret though, this is going down.


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 22, 2008)

fucking the same woman as my dad seems a little odd to me... but if she was hott enough... i guess i could


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## ALX420 (Oct 22, 2008)

i was having sex with a girl in a dorm.
her room mate woke up pissed.
she threw a reading lamp at us and yelled,
"hearing you guys have sex makes we want sex!"

i usually dont bone lamp throwers.
but she sounded pretty desperate.


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## sarah22 (Oct 22, 2008)

MisterMicro said:


> im like one meeting away from getting in my step mums sweet thighs, im dieng to get in there man, i finaly got through to her about 4 nights ago, i got kicked out of my pad so i whent over there for place to stay. i ended up sleeping in her bed and the thought of fucking this bitch sensless kept me up all night. i finaly just whent for it, started massaging her thigh and shit, she finally woke up and just seisured in suprise, but not onunce did she tell me to stop she just gave me a mello what are yo u doing? so i told her i had to find out where her curiousities lie, or if she was just a big tease. she just avoided it rather than facing it and went down to have a cup of coffee. after that, the whole weekend was nothing but a flirtation orgy. but the moment just never came. ill report back when i stuck her, the kicker is im 18, shes 49.


dude...that is awesome! u are my hero! Lol


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

i wouldnt raw dog that lol... not after my dads been in it haha.


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## Bookworm (Oct 22, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i was having sex with a girl in a dorm.
> her room mate woke up pissed.
> she threw a reading lamp at us and yelled,
> "hearing you guys have sex makes we want sex!"
> ...


I'd turn to my girl and be like, "wadda ya say, babe, do we let her join?"

It's not the greatest story, but I actually DID hook up at band camp.


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

haha i got asnother gr8 none im savin ....haha


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## MisterMicro (Oct 22, 2008)

sarah22 said:


> dude...that is awesome! u are my hero! Lol


 hahaha

Yeah, im definatly going in sheathed, shes to damn flirty to not consider the possibilities. 

Yeah its strange... but at the same time it makes alot of sence... the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.


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## ALX420 (Oct 22, 2008)

Bookworm said:


> I'd turn to my girl and be like, "wadda ya say, babe, do we let her join?"
> 
> It's not the greatest story, but I actually DID hook up at band camp.


my words exactly were "what do you say?"

we were on drugs, so the answer was always yes.


i have had sex with a girl in her grandmothers bed.
it was a temperpedic foam mattress.

and then in her grandmothers shower.

i am confessing, not bragging.


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## SmokinBong83 (Oct 22, 2008)

Screwed my high school ex and then turned around and screwed his dad. They wanted a 3some but I just couldn't get into it with them 2.

*His dad was the one who turned me onto toys!


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## Danky^dank (Oct 22, 2008)

smokinbong83 said:


> screwed my high school ex and then turned around and screwed his dad. They wanted a 3some but i just couldn't get into it with them 2.


lmao nice!!!!


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2008)

SmokinBong83 said:


> Screwed my high school ex and then turned around and screwed his dad. They wanted a 3some but I just couldn't get into it with them 2.
> 
> *His dad was the one who turned me onto toys!


there needs to be more chicks like you!!!lol

and micro im having a bit of trouble understanding your stories...she had a seizure....wth!.... maybe im slow or sumthin..lol

nice stories guys...but if your gonna post try to take us there ...give us all the details... and make it understandable.... i dont want this thread to be tainted with,,,,"hahahhaa....i nutted in some chicks eye".... and sarah i know your a virgin so..... give us a good bj story.....lol

its funny cause im in my schools computer lab writing this shit up.....lol


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

haha a good bj story...be ellabrate.


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## makinthemagic (Oct 22, 2008)

i was dating this girl who was a receptionist at a neurologist's office. i meet her at closing time. the doctor leaves and she goes through the lock up for the night procedure. but we didn't walk out the door. there was a bed back in one of the exam rooms where the doc did sleep studies. i banged my girl for an hour on that bed. she had to change the sheets so patients wouldn't lay in our liquid love the next day.

years later i had met this girl and, as a first date, invited her to roll with me and some friends. the pills were awesome and we were rolling balls. i made the move and we go back to my room. i had this girl cumming repeatedly and she was loud. she was a loud girl to begin with plus she was rolling for the first time. 5 other people were rolling in the next room and heard every second of it. their thoughts, "is he fucking her or killing her?" the other girl at the party never looked at me the same way again.


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 22, 2008)

hahaha thats funny.

just yesterday i had my gf in her favorite position, "doggy style"...bangin the shit outa that ass...out of the blue shes starts trying to moves away saying baby, baby, baby!...i stop and i ask her, whats wrong? she replies i already came like 5 times im trying to get away!...i start to laugh, pull her back to me and resume until i finish  hahaha.


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## sarah22 (Oct 22, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> .... and sarah i know your a virgin so..... give us a good bj story.....lol
> 
> its funny cause im in my schools computer lab writing this shit up.....lol


*sigh* if i had any stories i would have posted them by now...i've never given a bj...im completely untouched...when i say virgin...i mean..."super square never been kissed virgin"  lol


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2008)

sarah22 said:


> *sigh* if i had any stories i would have posted them by now...i've never given a bj...im completely untouched...when i say virgin...i mean..."super square never been kissed virgin"  lol


what are u a nunn?????lol.
i respect that.....


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## sarah22 (Oct 22, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> what are u a nunn?????lol.
> i respect that.....


NOOOO lol im not a nun...im just scared...thats all...and i tend to like the guys that want the skinny little blonde bitches. oh well...im not too concerned...


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## sarah22 (Oct 22, 2008)

but i really do wish that i had some stories! Lol


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## KushKing949 (Oct 22, 2008)

sarah22 said:


> but i really do wish that i had some stories! Lol


Sarah tell us one of your fantasies please?????????


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## HiAzHeLL (Oct 22, 2008)

i was 5 years old when i ate my first snatch... dont remember who it was tho. .......true story


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> i just harvested attend to my whorism!!!!!
> 
> https://www.rollitup.org/general-marijuana-growing/122925-my-shitty-harvest.html


your on the wrong thread.....lol
go to the atttention whore thread green...


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## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 22, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> your on the wrong thread.....lol
> go to the atttention whore thread green...




LOL I JUST NOTICED THAT

deleted


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## peacemane420 (Oct 22, 2008)

hahaha man this shit is madd dirty!!! lol
im not gunna tell you any good ones cuz those are for my thoughts only hehee  
this happened like aa year ago. my man had jsut got back form south carolina and was goin for 3 months. we decided to go in the shower and have some fun. i dunno what it was maybe the hott water and gettin all worked up from fuckin but i black out and fell in the shower! hahaha i banged my head so hard! my man said i was weezing and tryin to breathe. it was weird. that never happened before. kinda scary and i had a HUGE ass nasty look bruise and goose egg on my head
prolly never in the shower again! lol


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## sarah22 (Oct 22, 2008)

KushKing949 said:


> Sarah tell us one of your fantasies please?????????


hahaha which one? i think it would be fun to do it on the bus...especially one of the old rickety buses...or on the hood of a car during a crazy thunderstorm...man...theres a whole list of places i wanna...erm...have fun at...lol


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> hahaha man this shit is madd dirty!!! lol
> im not gunna tell you any good ones cuz those are for my thoughts only hehee
> this happened like aa year ago. my man had jsut got back form south carolina and was goin for 3 months. we decided to go in the shower and have some fun. i dunno what it was maybe the hott water and gettin all worked up from fuckin but i black out and fell in the shower! hahaha i banged my head so hard! my man said i was weezing and tryin to breathe. it was weird. that never happened before. kinda scary and i had a HUGE ass nasty look bruise and goose egg on my head
> prolly never in the shower again! lol


damn peace you werent supose to find this thread.....
its not my thread i think some other cheez guy imposter started it ...yeahhh..... theres some funny shit tho on here.... especially at the beggining..... just dont read my posts..lol
check the attention whore thread its more for virgin ears...lol


----------



## peacemane420 (Oct 22, 2008)

hahah why werent i supposed to find it dummy youd know i be on this shit lol


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 23, 2008)

ok lol todayisagreenday told me to put this one down.

my boyfriend Colin's old customer has a thing for ladies over 40, and ladies over 200 lbs. without those 2 extreme features n shit he won't even look at them. so i was drinking and smoking up at this party and for some reason Colin's friend has this fat fat fat bitch like all old, saggy and fat (like at least 350 lbs.) giving his skimpy ass dick head. i got freaked out because i wondered how that small of a member could fit into that much of a woman.. i got scared and went into a corner, took my bowl out and got myself so high because i was that scarred.... ickk..


thats my story!

=P


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 23, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> ok lol todayisagreenday told me to put this one down.
> 
> my boyfriend Colin's old customer has a thing for ladies over 40, and ladies over 200 lbs. without those 2 extreme features n shit he won't even look at them. so i was drinking and smoking up at this party and for some reason Colin's friend has this fat fat fat bitch like all old, saggy and fat (like at least 350 lbs.) giving his skimpy ass dick head. i got freaked out because i wondered how that small of a member could fit into that much of a woman.. i got scared and went into a corner, took my bowl out and got myself so high because i was that scarred.... ickk..
> 
> ...


yeah its wierd cause im starting to realize that this thread is more of a guy thread..... cause you know guys like to talk about ....or brag about having there way with chicks.... on the other hand when girls talk about it .. they sound more "hoeish"..... i mean its not bad for girls to have sex....but when they talk about it.... it seems different....so i respect that any girl would share ....and dont feel obligated to post a story....cause you know how some guys (not me) may percieve you.....

that being said guys just like to hear of chicks getting dirty, doing crazy sexual stuf, just for the images conjured up.... i know at work i have some younger friends who are virgins or dont get alot of booty .....so they appreciate when i tell them my wild sex stories.... 
theyre were some really great moments....but i dont consider any of those ladies who partook in them nasty or whoreish.....
post on....


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 23, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> yeah its wierd cause im starting to realize that this thread is more of a guy thread..... cause you know guys like to talk about ....or brag about having there way with chicks.... on the other hand when girls talk about it .. they sound more "hoeish"..... i mean its not bad for girls to have sex....but when they talk about it.... it seems different....so i respect that any girl would share ....and dont feel obligated to post a story....cause you know how some guys (not me) may percieve you.....
> 
> that being said guys just like to hear of chicks getting dirty, doing crazy sexual stuf, just for the images conjured up.... i know at work i have some younger friends who are virgins or dont get alot of booty .....so they appreciate when i tell them my wild sex stories....
> theyre were some really great moments....but i dont consider any of those ladies who partook in them nasty or whoreish.....
> post on....



i didn't have anything to do with it. I keep my sex life to myself unless i choose too, i just wanted to share that one because really, it is kinda funny, just because i reacted to it the way i haven't with anything else lol.


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 23, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> i didn't have anything to do with it. I keep my sex life to myself unless i choose too, i just wanted to share that one because really, it is kinda funny, just because i reacted to it the way i haven't with anything else lol.


i kno i quoted you ....
but im refering too all the girls who posted here....
i know you didnt share a personal story so im not trying to label you as anythig......
you and peace told soft core stories.... and thats cool thats alll im saying...
but this other girl not sarah...told stories of taking a fist and bangin father and son..... and even tho i dont know her ....i can see where some haters would say shes a whore.....
so i just wanted to clarify that its okay if girls dont share because of this.....but if u want i wont judge you ,,,, thanx for sharing allie...


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 23, 2008)

fuck stories( you girls can join in too)


----------



## Hydrotech364 (Oct 23, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> fuck stories( you girls can join in too)



I think thats the thread i told the story of fucking an aboriginal girl in a light house in!!!!Im not sure if ya want to read it just say ill rewrite it!!!!!


----------



## Hydrotech364 (Oct 23, 2008)

*I think ive slang DNA in every port in the seven seas,Im trashy,lol*


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 24, 2008)

ahhhhh mannnn!!!!.... bong spit was a pioneer....of making sex threads... but i just took it to the hnl.... and my thread more tastefull.... besides try to top the naked kartweel by yeah....that was hillarity,,,lol


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 24, 2008)

*that bongspit was a pervert..........*


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 25, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *that bongspit was a pervert..........*


I heard he was gay....


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 25, 2008)

Wikidbchofthewst said:


> I heard he was gay....





i not only heard it... i SEEN IT!


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 25, 2008)

Wikidbchofthewst said:


> I heard he was gay....





TodayIsAGreenday said:


> i not only heard it... i SEEN IT!


*hey....sucking your own dick is only gay if you swallow..........bitches.........*


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 25, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> i kno i quoted you ....
> but im refering too all the girls who posted here....
> i know you didnt share a personal story so im not trying to label you as anythig......
> you and peace told soft core stories.... and thats cool thats alll im saying...
> ...






lol wow yeah i get what you mean hell no really? thats weird incest shit right there!!!

=)

i don't really have any stories...

but it dont mean im boring =P


----------



## anotherchance (Oct 25, 2008)

havent had any in years, is that crazy enuffffffffff for ya


----------



## mastakoosh (Oct 25, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *that bongspit was a pervert..........*


 he once tried to seduce me lmao.


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 25, 2008)

mastakoosh said:


> he once tried to seduce me lmao.


*hell....he did seduce me...*


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 25, 2008)

pm me if you want a link to a guy sucking his own member


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 25, 2008)

wtf...who would wanna see that shit.... -rep if you say yes.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 25, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> wtf...who would wanna see that shit.... -rep if you say yes.




lol thats disgusting NO THANKS!


----------



## Sunnysideup (Oct 25, 2008)

I must be more twisted than I thought
I am sort of curious....


----------



## Louis541 (Oct 25, 2008)

I had sex with a girl on the sidewalk of a local university one time. We were goin out for about 3 days beforehand and she told me it was her first time (I don't believe that for a second though.) we were goin at it butt naked when two students walked up, they got to within 20 feet of us before I even noticed. I threw my jacket over myself (To hell with her.) When the people got close enough to see us they freaked out and turned around almost instantly.

The worst part is that girl is now my son's mother....


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 25, 2008)

lol just saying... i have the link right here... i didnt want to see it my friend sent it to me disguised as something else 


so... that being said.....


----------



## mastakoosh (Oct 25, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *hell....he did seduce me...*


 now that is crazy. a bit norman bateish lol.


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 25, 2008)

mastakoosh said:


> now that is crazy. a bit norman bateish lol.


*I knowwwww.......*


----------



## bleezyg420 (Oct 25, 2008)

SmokinBong83 said:


> Jennifer


wad up jen


----------



## bleezyg420 (Oct 25, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *hey....sucking your own dick is only gay if you swallow..........bitches.........*


thats is so queer._ like omg_


https://www.rollitup.org/grow-journals/120940-bleezys-grow-journal.html














.


----------



## bleezyg420 (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> uhhhhhh.....grosss.... i didnt need to hear that...lol
> ive tapped in the same room with another couple and even with an unsuspecting dorm roomate....sucks for them.... they always pretend to be sleepin but there awake...lol


my friend had a vw vanogon back in highschool. The pop top sleeper ones. Anyways, I use to play waterpolo and after the seasons were done we would have dual keggers 300+ people. To make a long story short, at the end of the night I was super into this hottie (literally) and we coudlnt shake off her friend who was so intrested that she joined in. Us three slept on the top bunk which eventuallly broke from the weight and pounding going on and we fell down onto my sleeping friend. Was he sure pisssed the fuck off the next da y realizing I broke his bed  and got both the chicks


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

bleez i want your med card lol


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2008)

okay welll i got a new one....an oldie but goodie( i was 16)....its not that craze but its a classsic...and one of the best experiences ive ever had....

So im at my gf's house, her parents are gone for vay kay....so shes throwing a party ..but i dont really like her friends ....so i decide to go to her parents rooom and pass out.....oh by the way she was half white and half hawwiian...... 
so theyre all getting driunk and partying and im past out upstair in the parewnts room.....
all the sudden i wake up(3am) and my gf is going to town on my dick (bj).... she is drunk as fuck and the lights are turned off..... so after about 4 minutes im all gassed out and bust a crazy nut.... but the bitch keeps pumping... i dont know if she even realized or swallowed the nut.... but she just keeps bobbing away....so by this time im trying to pry her offf my dick but the bitch wont stop... she keeps going till i bust another nut... so by this time about 7 miutes pass total... and im paralyzed.... in agony...and my gf keeps workin my shit....im in total agony.... i have no idea where my nut is going or if she knows im finished... shes totally in a dick blowing zone.... and keeps going.....and finally after about ten minutes total i bust a third nut.... and right about that time im about to throw a left hook at her face and she just paases out....
so at this time im practically a big tub of jelly.... i look at her and am like janette!...hey you alright??? she doesnt respond....so im like i killed the bitch.... so now both my dick and she are dead as elvis and tupac.... and i start panicking like maybe i choked her to death...or maybe she choked to death on my nut.... so i turn on the light and start slapping her in the face ...nothing.. i start doing cpr and pumping her stomach...all the sudden she jumps up and pukes about a cup off nut....yuck !!!! and passes out.... 
i never thought this was possible(three nuts in 10 mins)but it was great despite the agony.... the next day my gf ...didnt even remeber...but till this day i never forgot.... lol...
i dont think you chicks could top that one... best night of my life...lol true story.....


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> okay welll i got a new one....an oldie but goodie( i was 16)....its not that craze but its a classsic...and one of the best experiences ive ever had....
> 
> So im at my gf's house, her parents are gone for vay kay....so shes throwing a party ..but i dont really like her friends ....so i decide to go to her parents rooom and pass out.....oh by the way she was half white and half hawwiian......
> so theyre all getting driunk and partying and im past out upstair in the parewnts room.....
> ...




"and right about that time im about to throw a left hook at her face and she just paases out....
so at this time im practically a big tub of jelly.... i look at her and am like janette!...hey you alright??? she doesnt respond....so im like i killed the bitch.... so now both my dick and she are dead as elvis and tupac...."

That part cracked me up

lol would it hurt to just keep going and going? i always wondered that. 
=3
s 
All i know, is that last time i was on ex i fucked the shit out of my boyfriend and he came twice in like 5 minutes i was like dammn.

..K anywayysss

nice story cheez, it made the short amount of time pass.


----------



## cxt (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> lol would it hurt to just keep going and going?


YES






tencharacters


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

ROFLMAO! thats funny as hell cheez.... i had a gf like that once... i knick named her "shop vac"... 

the first night of us "going out"... it was my friends bday so we were out on the strip gettin dunk watchin the races and shit...later that night we went to his house and continued the party, where me and her went into his spare living room and she proceeded to give me the most amazing head. I was in total aww...idk how many nuts i busted i was crazy drunk...but i remember her suckin for a good 15 minutes SOLID...i squirmed all over that couch wondering how long she was gunna go....finally after what seemed an eternity, she finished and told me that my nut tasted like beer...imagine that, haha. I told all my buddies about it and we properly named her shop vac...sucks anything down like a hoover


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

cxt said:


> YES
> 
> 
> 
> ...




aww i'd never hurt one though, owww.
i hate to sound like a slut, but i respect the cock.. but yeahhh


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. thats the funniest thing ive heard all day.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. thats the funniest thing ive heard all day.




lol...you laughin at me?


----------



## Keenly (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> lol...you laughin at me?



haha well shit 

for me it doesnt hurt

it just feels so damn good that overloads my brain with sensory emissions and i freak out

you just cant take it


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

yes im sorry but it was funny. i would +rep you but it wont let me. repsect tha cock...lol.


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> "and right about that time im about to throw a left hook at her face and she just paases out....
> so at this time im practically a big tub of jelly.... i look at her and am like janette!...hey you alright??? she doesnt respond....so im like i killed the bitch.... so now both my dick and she are dead as elvis and tupac...."
> 
> That part cracked me up
> ...


sorry u had to read that .... but the shit never happened again like that... im not saying that guys cant get off 3 o4 time a day.... it just never happens that quick.... i am sure that many times guys.... and me personally, have got off three or four times in an evening with a hottie...but usually we need like 5 mins to recooperate.... unless there supper hot.... she kinda raped me ...cause she was a crazy bitch when she was drunk ...ya dig...and on ex i can never climax... i have to wait to come off e....first... then...cause people can bone for hours...withouut getting of on e........

ksmoke...im glad u enjoyed it ... i dont know if i could ever do it again....lol


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2008)

Keenly said:


> haha well shit
> 
> for me it doesnt hurt
> 
> ...


your definately feelin what im saying..


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

5 mins? shit i need like 30 minute intermissions haha. cant go back to back to back without stopping...unless like you said, shes super hot.


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 26, 2008)

you gotta stop putting pussy on a pedestal 

and woman need to respect the cock


----------



## Keenly (Oct 26, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> 5 mins? shit i need like 30 minute intermissions haha. cant go back to back to back without stopping...unless like you said, shes super hot.


'

yeah dude if she is hot enough ill suck it up and keep going


and dude i think you were able to go 2 or 3 times for a few reasons

1 your drunk

2 your tired

3. the fact that she didnt stop was unexpected, and it turned you on even more, allowing you to continue


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> sorry u had to read that .... but the shit never happened again like that... im not saying that guys cant get off 3 o4 time a day.... it just never happens that quick.... i am sure that many times guys.... and me personally, have got off three or four times in an evening with a hottie...but usually we need like 5 mins to recooperate.... unless there supper hot.... she kinda raped me ...cause she was a crazy bitch when she was drunk ...ya dig...and on ex i can never climax... i have to wait to come off e....first... then...cause people can bone for hours...withouut getting of on e........
> 
> ksmoke...im glad u enjoyed it ... i dont know if i could ever do it again....lol


guys are just horn dogs. I understand that. when people understand that, they make it a lot easier everyone. Colin's whipped though 

My boyfriend can't have sex if he takes 2 of my adderall's though. its the highest prescribed. it sucks. lol.



KaliSmok3 said:


> yes im sorry but it was funny. i would +rep you but it wont let me. repsect tha cock...lol.


Lol. well i can't +rep you either dammit. Lol i rep too much.



Keenly said:


> haha well shit
> 
> for me it doesnt hurt
> 
> ...


Wow lol. I wonder what it feels like to be a guy and have sex. Its weirding me out thinking about it though. But you know everyone's always curious about the other side hahaha.

sheesh. this thread is interesting.


----------



## Keenly (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> guys are just horn dogs. I understand that. when people understand that, they make it a lot easier everyone. Colin's whipped though
> 
> My boyfriend can't have sex if he takes 2 of my adderall's though. its the highest prescribed. it sucks. lol.
> 
> ...



haha yeah one time i took like 3 vicodin and it completely desensitized me

couldnt catch that nut for like 2 hours

had to bust out the lube


----------



## Louis541 (Oct 26, 2008)

Hey cheezy, you said it was your ex. Send me her phone number.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

Keenly said:


> haha yeah one time i took like 3 vicodin and it completely desensitized me
> 
> couldnt catch that nut for like 2 hours
> 
> had to bust out the lube



lmao.
he was. PISSED, the first time he took it, he was all nice and not being a jerk, lol and fuckin he wanted to get down RIGHT THEN. so he got all riled up and it kept going down, i thought it was my fault so i got pissed off and left and he spent an hour down stairs trying to jerk it. but finally he came upstairs and apoligized. it wasn't me, it was the adderall.

it sucked.

i didn't help it either though, said i gave him blue balls.


----------



## Keenly (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> lmao.
> he was. PISSED, the first time he took it, he was all nice and not being a jerk, lol and fuckin he wanted to get down RIGHT THEN. so he got all riled up and it kept going down, i thought it was my fault so i got pissed off and left and he spent an hour down stairs trying to jerk it. but finally he came upstairs and apoligized. it wasn't me, it was the adderall.
> 
> it sucked.
> ...



yeah my fucking girlfriend got mad at me cause it took me so long....

"dont i turn you on?"

its shit like that that ruins the fun...

i fucked you for 2 hours....and your complaining....

but yeah faded sex is always the best imo


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2008)

Keenly said:


> yeah my fucking girlfriend got mad at me cause it took me so long....
> 
> "dont i turn you on?"
> 
> ...


yeah that shit happens to me all the time....
because ladies after you go out with a guy for so long sometimes the sex starts to suck.. ive been with my girl off and on for 4 years.... and its still
great but....it ....gets olds ..
however its good in a way cause you can last for hours without nutting... and my gf hates it when a bj take more than 10 minutes.... 
i mean women sometimes get tired of doing that ...i get tired of doing it too... and its sad for us guys cause we need yall to be all made up and hair nice, ... and sex talk.... and you chicks stop geeting pretty and just put no effort afer a awhile...ukno ...just a thought.... for debate....
but a pill could fuck that up.....


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 26, 2008)

im on vicodin and weed right now.



i need a lab partner.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> yeah that shit happens to me all the time....
> because ladies after you go out with a guy for so long sometimes the sex starts to suck.. ive been with my girl off and on for 4 years.... and its still
> great but....it ....gets olds ..
> however its good in a way cause you can last for hours without nutting... and my gf hates it when a bj take more than 10 minutes....
> ...



Alot of girls get "comfy" after awhile, but i make sure to dress up everyday, and put make up on, do my hair, all that, Colin knows i only stay in pj's and a shirt or tank when i'm not feeling good and obviously he understands, but i think to keep a relationship going you can't just stop trying at a point. 



Keenly said:


> yeah my fucking girlfriend got mad at me cause it took me so long....
> 
> "dont i turn you on?"
> 
> ...



oh i'm not even naggy like that i was just like wow.. this sucks... i'm out. lol

i would NOT complain after 2 hours of sex, i'd fall asleep and wake up with a joint waiting for us when we get up. hah.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

LOL who just repped me saying "yes, respect the cock"


----------



## iblazethatkush (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> yeah that shit happens to me all the time....
> because ladies after you go out with a guy for so long sometimes the sex starts to suck.. ive been with my girl off and on for 4 years.... and its still
> great but....it ....gets olds ..
> however its good in a way cause you can last for hours without nutting... and my gf hates it when a bj take more than 10 minutes....
> ...


I feel ya on that Cheezy. It gets old after awhile. And I can never cum from her bj's nemore. She gets pissed. I just use them to 'warm up' now.


----------



## Keenly (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> Alot of girls get "comfy" after awhile, but i make sure to dress up everyday, and put make up on, do my hair, all that, Colin knows i only stay in pj's and a shirt or tank when i'm not feeling good and obviously he understands, but i think to keep a relationship going you can't just stop trying at a point.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



you make me hate my girlfriend

after like 4 hours of hanging out with her i have to kick her out...literally make up some excuse to get her to leave just so i can smoke

but of course as soon as i smoke i realize it would be better if she was there

but no the smell "gives her a headache"


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

Keenly said:


> you make me hate my girlfriend
> 
> after like 4 hours of hanging out with her i have to kick her out...literally make up some excuse to get her to leave just so i can smoke
> 
> ...




 i didn't mean to lol shh don't say that! girls know when their guys talk shit. lol.

my boyfriend has been living with me for... 8 months now! and we see and hang out with eachother everyday. it must be pretty special because we fight sometimes but were best friends too and he told me he doesn't need to hang out with his guy friends (i make him anways) because i'm all he needs and he can have sex with me too lol. that sounds bad. never mind lol

it gives her a headache.... well then.. thats a different story i guess. it calms me down, even before i started smoking, ganja was a comforting smell to me =)


----------



## tallanasty (Oct 26, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> LOL who just repped me saying "yes, respect the cock"


ha that was me. after i read that i had to do it.


----------



## peacemane420 (Oct 26, 2008)

hahahah tru that alie!!!
i dunno i usually am in my fuckin pjs but i dont care! i dont let myself get too comfortable. i always look cute hahahha i be living in my wifebeaters 24/7 hahah
always shave and smell nice.... cuz thats just being respectful haahahha


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> hahahah tru that alie!!!
> i dunno i usually am in my fuckin pjs but i dont care! i dont let myself get too comfortable. i always look cute hahahha i be living in my wifebeaters 24/7 hahah
> always shave and smell nice.... cuz thats just being respectful haahahha



i think its kinda gross when girls don't shave and you can see like black hair. it just shows how they take care of their body!! lol

yeahh peace girl talk again! =)


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 26, 2008)

OK.So here goes. I had worked in this one factory a while, and eventually ended up quitting.One night, while at the bar a few months later, I met one of the guys who worked there.He wasn't hot or anything, but he was a lot of fun and at closing time I wasn't done partying, so we decided to hang out.One thing leads to another, and some rather lame drunk sex ensues...I woke up with one pant leg still on if that tells you anything.
So when I get home the next day, my brother is sitting in the recliner, and I tell him, "another notch for the bedpost." Because at that time, we were having a contest to see who could get laid more.He asks me the guy's name, I tell him, and go to bed.
Later that night, my brother's friend picks him up and they get to chatting about how I got laid, and laughing about how I got another dud in the sack.His friend asks him the guy's name....when my brother tells him, his friend takes his hands off the wheel and puts them over his face, yelling "oh my god, oh my god!" My brother is grabbing the wheel and shouting"What? What?" and his friend tells him.
That night, as I return from another evening of drinking,My brother is sitting on his favorite chair, grinning.He proceeds to relate his tale to me, and then tells me why his friend reacted in such a manner.
Apparently, my brother's friend attended high school with the guy I had boinked...and one day,had had occasion to catch him in a barn...fucking a sheep.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 26, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> OK.So here goes. I had worked in this one factory a while, and eventually ended up quitting.One night, while at the bar a few months later, I met one of the guys who worked there.He wasn't hot or anything, but he was a lot of fun and at closing time I wasn't done partying, so we decided to hang out.One thing leads to another, and some rather lame drunk sex ensues...I woke up with one pant leg still on if that tells you anything.
> So when I get home the next day, my brother is sitting in the recliner, and I tell him, "another notch for the bedpost." Because at that time, we were having a contest to see who could get laid more.He asks me the guy's name, I tell him, and go to bed.
> Later that night, my brother's friend picks him up and they get to chatting about how I got laid, and laughing about how I got another dud in the sack.His friend asks him the guy's name....when my brother tells him, his friend takes his hands off the wheel and puts them over his face, yelling "oh my god, oh my god!" My brother is grabbing the wheel and shouting"What? What?" and his friend tells him.
> That night, as I return from another evening of drinking,My brother is sitting on his favorite chair, grinning.He proceeds to relate his tale to me, and then tells me why his friend reacted in such a manner.
> Apparently, my brother's friend attended high school with the guy I had boinked...and one day,had had occasion to catch him in a barn...fucking a sheep.


  i didn't expect the last part... lmao


----------



## peacemane420 (Oct 26, 2008)

ahhhh!!! hahahahhaa damn man thats fuckin intense


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 26, 2008)

Neither did I.My sex life is a disaster.


xmissxaliex said:


> i didn't expect the last part... lmao


I require a resume now, lol.


peacemane420 said:


> ahhhh!!! hahahahhaa damn man thats fuckin intense


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 26, 2008)

What made it worse was my asshole brother and his buddies(cuz he told em all) saying things like,"Did he make you wear a wool sweater? Did you have to call him daaaaaaaaady?"


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 26, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> What made it worse was my asshole brother and his buddies(cuz he told em all) saying things like,"Did he make you wear a wool sweater? Did you have to call him daaaaaaaaady?"


you've been a baaaaaaaaaad girl stoney, a very baaaaaaaad girl.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 26, 2008)

Yes, I haaaave.


ALX420 said:


> you've been a baaaaaaaaaad girl stoney, a very baaaaaaaad girl.


----------



## bleezyg420 (Oct 26, 2008)

*baaaaaaaaa*hahahaha


----------



## MountainSmoker (Oct 26, 2008)

I went anal for the first time a couple weeks ago. Shit is kinda weird cuz I been with my lady for 6 years and everytime I mentioned anything with anal she was repulsed. Then she heard it was good from her sister, so we went out and bought some lube. And some Jaeger and redbull. Did the oral and foreplay business for about an hour, then beat it up doggy style for a bit. After she came a few times, I grabbed the llube off the dresser and gave a generous dollop, and slid into her rump for the first time. I guess I went too fast at first cuz she almost jumped across the bed at first when I barely got my head in, lol. Took it slow, got it almost all the way in, and got her comfortable, and she was moaning after a minute. I started fingering her while I slid in and out of her, and she came real quick again, and her ass started clenching real tight when she was cumming too, felt so good. Shit was so sexy, I came kinda quick and left a present... lol.

Gonna do it again this Friday hopefully. Otherwise I never do anything crazy really, besides spanking and hair pulling. We use to have sex in public all the time, even at high school though.


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 26, 2008)

haha first time anal stpry always good lol.

i remember my first anal....she didnt like it at all lol.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 26, 2008)

Stoney wins, for making me laugh until I couldn't breathe


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 26, 2008)

*I picked this drunk girl up one night and I was trippn on blotter, she wants to go to her place. I was driving a 1970 corvette at the time and used a set of handcuffs as a theft deterant, put them from the shifter to the steering wheel. Well, she is playn with the cuffs and when we get to her place she brings the cuffs inside. She handcuffs herself to the bed and we have a good old time. When were moving on to different things she wanted me to unlock the handcuffs, but the key was in the car(remember I am trippn my ass off and smokd a big fatty also), so I get my clothes on and go out side to my car to get the keys, this apartment complex is huge and I have a hard time finding my car, I finally find my car and get the key and head back to her apartment only I can not find it...I do not have her phone # and do not know her last name. I looked for over an hour and it was 3 am, so i left. Several months later I was at this party and out of nowhere this good lookn chick comes up to me and is calln me names and slaps the shit out of me...guess who? I asked her if I could have my handcuffs back, but she just cussed me...*


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2008)

wow thats classic tips..... i wonder who found her ass all naked and handcuffed...lol
she probly shit the bed....lol


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 26, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> wow thats classic tips..... i wonder who found her ass all naked and handcuffed...lol
> she probly shit the bed....lol


*her roomate found her about 6 am...so 3 hours wasn't too bad. *
*Her next door nieghbor was a metro cop and he unlocked the handcuffs...*


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 26, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *I picked this drunk girl up one night and I was trippn on blotter, she wants to go to her place. I was driving a 1970 corvette at the time and used a set of handcuffs as a theft deterant, put them from the shifter to the steering wheel. Well, she is playn with the cuffs and when we get to her place she brings the cuffs inside. She handcuffs herself to the bed and we have a good old time. When were moving on to different things she wanted me to unlock the handcuffs, but the key was in the car(remember I am trippn my ass off and smokd a big fatty also), so I get my clothes on and go out side to my car to get the keys, this apartment complex is huge and I have a hard time finding my car, I finally find my car and get the key and head back to her apartment only I can not find it...I do not have her phone # and do not know her last name. I looked for over an hour and it was 3 am, so i left. Several months later I was at this party and out of nowhere this good lookn chick comes up to me and is calln me names and slaps the shit out of me...guess who? I asked her if I could have my handcuffs back, but she just cussed me...*


this story sounds vaguely familiar...

although I don't remember the part about the metro cop...


----------



## dum (Oct 27, 2008)

I've read that story before. It's one of the funniest ones for me. If I were left chained to a bed I would probaly start having a panic attack. 

Glad this tread got back to its roots


----------



## smartsoverambition (Oct 27, 2008)

iamthatguy said:


> lol I have a similar but worse .....
> 
> So my dads date brings her daughter over and my dads tells me to take her out so he can have some time alone with his date ...... She is pretty hot but its just a weird situation soooo.......... I end up taking her out and actually having a good time. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex............. Anyway you know why he asked me to take her out .... He wanted to propose to the lady ...... so needless to say the chick I had sex with ...... well ya she is now my sister ........... lol


wow, i don't think i could deal with that, wow, just speechless.

is it wierd between yall? wow that's my thing 2 stew on 4 the day


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 27, 2008)

MountainSmoker said:


> I went anal for the first time a couple weeks ago. Shit is kinda weird cuz I been with my lady for 6 years and everytime I mentioned anything with anal she was repulsed. Then she heard it was good from her sister, so we went out and bought some lube. And some Jaeger and redbull. Did the oral and foreplay business for about an hour, then beat it up doggy style for a bit. After she came a few times, I grabbed the llube off the dresser and gave a generous dollop, and slid into her rump for the first time. I guess I went too fast at first cuz she almost jumped across the bed at first when I barely got my head in, lol. Took it slow, got it almost all the way in, and got her comfortable, and she was moaning after a minute. I started fingering her while I slid in and out of her, and she came real quick again, and her ass started clenching real tight when she was cumming too, felt so good. Shit was so sexy, I came kinda quick and left a present... lol.
> 
> Gonna do it again this Friday hopefully. Otherwise I never do anything crazy really, besides spanking and hair pulling. We use to have sex in public all the time, even at high school though.




oww poor girl dude. i only did that once and it hurt really bad so i had to have Colin stop. fuck. lol...oww..


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 27, 2008)

my first anal sex story.

i was seeing this girl.(brunette)
she had a hot friend.(blonde)
brunette offered a threesome, i couldnt say no.

the brunette that i am with says "if you get her high she will do anal."

so, being curious, i got the blonde high.

shes riding away.
all of a sudden it gets a lot tighter and warmer.
she starts wailing and cuming all over the place.

i love weed.


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 27, 2008)

damnit stoney you stole my thunder..... i guess the girls always side with the girls.....but banging a guy who banged a sheep is old news too me...lol.....
if u would of had a 3some with the guy and the sheep....now that would be crazy.... lol.... but overall it was tastefully told and i appreciate that you put the time and effort into it to give us a good laugh..... i wish i could say that about everyone else on here............. 
lets keep this tastefull ...i dont want this thread to be about getting anal or i made this chick nut.....or i busted a nut on this chicks head.... i mean that shits cool but it not crazy too me (no offense alx or kalismoke....to mention a few) .... 
hey im not the law or anything but lets keep it interesting...
i still think my story three pages back was the craziest so far....lol...
and alle ..... you should start a thread called "respect the cock"....lol


----------



## peacemane420 (Oct 27, 2008)

hahahaa damn son


respect to the vaja?
si senor


----------



## dum (Oct 27, 2008)

I like the one on like the second page about the video camera and foot tickling.

then the came 3 times in ten minutes (although I liked all of your stories, they never miss.)

then I don't know


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 27, 2008)

ok well i guess i can throw another one up now...

So i was dating this girl for a few months right...me her, my buddie and his date (which was my gf's friend) decided to go to the monster truck show in town. So we get a BIG bag of tha droski and smoke tha fuck out whilst downing a few cold ones before we go. So when we get there the dam nthings sold out so we have to go back home and just party the rest of the night. When we get there my friend thinks its a good idea if we all watch some GGW (Girls Gone Wild) while we get fucked up...later on that night hes trying to smash the blonde hes with so me and my girl go do our thing in another room...ok sao were gettin it on, shes riding it pretty good and the door opens. In comes a big ass dildo flying at my head and lands on tha bed. Im like WTF?! They come in naked and were like Hey yeah lets have a foursome....mind you that i do not ever want to see another mans member...i try saying hell no, but they just come in anyways... so here we are me and my gf fuckin on the left side of the bed and they are right beside us...he dicides he wants to get some chocolate syrup. While hes gone i had stopped fuckin and looked over at this girl beside me, when she starts kissin me and jackin me off all when my girl is beside me haha. So he comes back in with Hersheys syrup and we pour it all over both girls titties and whatnot...watch them lick it off of each other and then i had to jump in that lol. Anyways someone ended up knockin on tha door and my friend went to go answer it, the blonde chick gos and shuts the door and locks it...now its just me my gf and her covered in chocolate  was the expression on my face... i fucked the shit outta both them in any postion imaginable...one of the best nights ever lol.


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 27, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> ok well i guess i can throw another one up now...
> 
> So i was dating this girl for a few months right...me her, my buddie and his date (which was my gf's friend) decided to go to the monster truck show in town. So we get a BIG bag of tha droski and smoke tha fuck out whilst downing a few cold ones before we go. So when we get there the dam nthings sold out so we have to go back home and just party the rest of the night. When we get there my friend thinks its a good idea if we all watch some GGW (Girls Gone Wild) while we get fucked up...later on that night hes trying to smash the blonde hes with so me and my girl go do our thing in another room...ok sao were gettin it on, shes riding it pretty good and the door opens. In comes a big ass dildo flying at my head and lands on tha bed. Im like WTF?! They come in naked and were like Hey yeah lets have a foursome....mind you that i do not ever want to see another mans member...i try saying hell no, but they just come in anyways... so here we are me and my gf fuckin on the left side of the bed and they are right beside us...he dicides he wants to get some chocolate syrup. While hes gone i had stopped fuckin and looked over at this girl beside me, when she starts kissin me and jackin me off all when my girl is beside me haha. So he comes back in with Hersheys syrup and we pour it all over both girls titties and whatnot...watch them lick it off of each other and then i had to jump in that lol. Anyways someone ended up knockin on tha door and my friend went to go answer it, the blonde chick gos and shuts the door and locks it...now its just me my gf and her covered in chocolate  was the expression on my face... i fucked the shit outta both them in any postion imaginable...one of the best nights ever lol.


man kalismoke you get alott of ass.... i never even get close to the shit you do.... i guess you know how to handle bidness.... i envy you..... but i dont understand why your chick was so cool like that ....my girl would be like "fuck that bitch .....she cant have no cheez".....and i guess you didnt care if that guy touched ya girl or i guess he couldnt.....but overall thats definately crazy....i need to move to your neck of da woods...lol.... ill take your word for it kali.....(man white people are crazy...lol....kiddin)


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 27, 2008)

I know, right...I'd have torn that girl a new ass if he was my man.I guess I'm not the threesome type.


323cheezy said:


> man kalismoke you get alott of ass.... i never even get close to the shit you do.... i guess you know how to handle bidness.... i envy you..... but i dont understand why your chick was so cool like that ....my girl would be like "fuck that bitch .....she cant have no cheez".....and i guess you didnt care if that guy touched ya girl or i guess he couldnt.....but overall thats definately crazy....i need to move to your neck of da woods...lol.... ill take your word for it kali.....(man white people are crazy...lol....kiddin)


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 27, 2008)

yeah i mean im being honest...lol..she was cool with it cause they were friends and i think that all the beer and chronic may have had some input on that haha, and yeah ive had alot of sex...nothing to brag about tho...after a while ppl will call you a man whore. And we dont want that do we?


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 27, 2008)

Oh yes, you do, lol.


KaliSmok3 said:


> yeah i mean im being honest...lol..she was cool with it cause they were friends and i think that all the beer and chronic may have had some input on that haha, and yeah ive had alot of sex...nothing to brag about tho...after a while ppl will call you a man whore. And we dont want that do we?


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 27, 2008)

hahaha...its been said but i take no pride in it lol...


----------



## aussieblunt (Oct 27, 2008)

alrighty well here is one.

i was at this party, smoked about a jay just to get me cruzing and a whole bunch more people rocked up. we all had some drinks and hit the lounge room for a good ol' hoe down. this girl kept giving me "The Look" so we had a bit of a dance together. as the night trailed off me, her and this other dude went into a spare room to get some sleep. the other guy then got up and left the room so i made my move. it worked to the point of me taking care of her (which i LOVE do to) and the guy came back into the room. i dont know how anyone didnt notice seeing as she was so damn loud and he at this point was still awake. so i continue doing what needs to be done and after i finish her off i go up for a post cum chat. i said something like "i noticed you checking me out the whole night, i figured you wanted something like this." and she said "what can I say, I have a thing for indian guys." seeing as im white as a piece of paper said "what? im not indian... wait, who do you think i am?" turns out she thought i was the other guy, which is impossible considering he weighs like 50lbs more than me and has a fucking beard. she freaked the fuck out, went and talked to the party host and the indian guy laughed his arse off and was high fiveing me all night. she eventually found it funny.


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## KaliSmok3 (Oct 28, 2008)

yeah so my gf came over today and got some  3 times, hahahaha.


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## bigcuban (Oct 29, 2008)

I lost my virginity on the rooftop of Bridgham Middle School in Providence Rhode Island. It was the same night I smoked weed for the first time. And yes, both were very good.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 29, 2008)

bigcuban said:


> I lost my virginity on the rooftop of Bridgham Middle School in Providence Rhode Island. It was the same night I smoked weed for the first time. And yes, both were very good.









On the rooftop of THIS school? Can you be more specific?


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## Stoney McFried (Oct 29, 2008)

Get a black light and look for DNA!


Wikidbchofthewst said:


> On the rooftop of THIS school? Can you be more specific?


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 29, 2008)

lmao

Watch, we'll try it, and the whole roof will light up like a Christmas tree


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## tipsgnob (Oct 29, 2008)

*I don't like heights..*


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 29, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *I don't like heights..*


So no sex on top of buildings?


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 29, 2008)

Ohhhh holy niiiiight.....the rooftop is gleeeeeaming.....


Wikidbchofthewst said:


> lmao
> 
> Watch, we'll try it, and the whole roof will light up like a Christmas tree


----------



## tipsgnob (Oct 29, 2008)

Wikidbchofthewst said:


> So no sex on top of buildings?


*whatever....*


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 29, 2008)

Heights don't bother me...it's the abrupt stop at the bottom.


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 29, 2008)

i had sex on the very top of a huge stone pillar above the ruins of a street that has fallen into the ocean.

it was epic.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 29, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i had sex on the very top of a huge stone pillar above the ruins of a street that has fallen into the ocean.
> 
> it was epic.


Sounds uncomfortable for whoever was on bottom...


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 29, 2008)

Wikidbchofthewst said:


> Sounds uncomfortable for whoever was on bottom...


i was on bottom.

it was flat and i put a sweatshirt down for her knees.

kept it classy.

my comfort was an after thought.


----------



## bigcuban (Oct 29, 2008)

Good times, good times.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 29, 2008)

bigcuban said:


> Good times, good times.


l m a o


----------



## SmokeUpJohnny (Oct 30, 2008)

When I lived in Germany I dated this German chic. We were gonna move back to USA together and were in the process of moving out of Germany. So we had to stay with her parents for a few days, needless to say, we were young, super horny and could never get alone time. A few days later we decided to take a walk in the forest (Germans actually go for walks a lot, so in the forest there were a lot of walkers and joggers)

so we're walking all by ourselves, horny as shit, and we find a deer stand on the edge of the woods overlooking a huge field with a house nearby...

we climbed the deer stand and I pulled down her jeans and panties to her ankles and just let her have it doggy style...

I nutted all over her ass and it dripped all over the deer stand...

We don't think anyone saw us, but if someone did, I wouldn't doubt it... Man it was memorable!

I have a lot more! I'll post later

Johnny


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 30, 2008)

nice john john...... deer stand wth???? lol.... i never dun it on a deer stand....

and wutsup with that roof...im lost ....


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 30, 2008)

haha ive totally have had the idea to fuck in a tree stand. Niice.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 30, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> haha ive totally have had the idea to fuck in a tree stand. Niice.



LOL wtf 

guys and their weird fetishes and fantasies LMAO


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 30, 2008)

call me boring,
but i prefer a bed.
the bigger the better.

with cool sheets.
i dont like warm sheets.
cotton is nice.


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 30, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> LOL wtf
> 
> guys and their weird fetishes and fantasies LMAO


haha. hey ive had alot of things go thru my mind that id like to do and havent done yet...all the time. I think of something new and im like damn i gotta try that hahahaha.

Wishful Thinking: Recieve a "Blumpkin"....rofl.


----------



## iamthatguy (Oct 30, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> haha. hey ive had alot of things go thru my mind that id like to do and havent done yet...all the time. I think of something new and im like damn i gotta try that hahahaha.
> 
> Wishful Thinking: Recieve a "Blumpkin"....rofl.


Do you even know what a blumpkin is?


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Oct 30, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> call me boring,
> but i prefer a bed.
> the bigger the better.
> 
> ...


I <3 cool sheets


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 30, 2008)

i am actually going to put the flannel fitted sheet on my bed because it is getting a little cool.

the sea has been choppy all day.
stiff breeze.
a low of only 52.
but thats cold to me.
i'm spoiled by warm weather.


----------



## johnMcClould (Oct 30, 2008)

crazy i give crazy i tore my dick was it worth it FUCK NO lol


----------



## Yeah (Oct 30, 2008)

johnMcClould said:


> crazy i give crazy i tore my dick was it worth it FUCK NO lol


elaborate please.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 30, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> haha. hey ive had alot of things go thru my mind that id like to do and havent done yet...all the time. I think of something new and im like damn i gotta try that hahahaha.
> 
> Wishful Thinking: Recieve a "Blumpkin"....rofl.




a blumpkin.. what is that again? colin said that to me once to see what i'd say and still won't tell me what it is.. lmao.


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

giving a bj while you man is on the shitter


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 31, 2008)

Yuck!Did you get that from tucker max?


TodayIsAGreenday said:


> giving a bj while you man is on the shitter


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 31, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> giving a bj while you man is on the shitter



YES! thats it never mind he DID tell me. he got his old girl drunk one day and made her do that.

i told him if he ever disrespected me like that.. well. lol. i'm mean, thats all ima sayy.

thats sick though lol he made his ex do so much shit that girl was such a slut and cheated on him with like 3 other guys at one point and was pregnant with some other guys baby while she dated him and didn't tell.

ugh.


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

yah i got a blumpkin from the ex before... she was wasted and i was just sitting there taking a shit minding my own business and she came in and just started sucking, like got down on her knees and didnt even ask just grabbed it and started going at it, not that i was gonna say anything... it was just a little wierd, i think she was too drunk to notice that i was pooping


and ive known what a blumpkin was since i was like 13, i learned that term the same day i learned how to give an angry pirate


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 31, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> yah i got a blumpkin from the ex before... she was wasted and i was just sitting there taking a shit minding my own business and she came in and just started sucking, like got down on her knees and didnt even ask just grabbed it and started going at it, not that i was gonna say anything... it was just a little wierd, i think she was too drunk to notice that i was pooping
> 
> 
> and ive known what a blumpkin was since i was like 13, i learned that term the same day i learned how to give an angry pirate



why is a blumpkin so cool, thats disgusting lol. and it would smell horrible. god. haha.


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

not mine, my shits smell like fresh cut roses


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 31, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> not mine, my shits smell like fresh cut roses



LOL..

this is a weird ass conversation.


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

lmao... yes it is... but were sum weird ass people....




and atleast its in the apropriate thread

wow im still REALLY tired

i think im gonna smoke this bowl and go back to bed before i have to go to work


----------



## 323cheezy (Oct 31, 2008)

nothing bettta than gettting some dome while your taking a dump......lol..jk.
any one who has ever done this seriously needs counseling....


----------



## iamthatguy (Oct 31, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> i learned that term the same day i learned how to give an angry pirate


Whats an angry pirate?


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

iamthatguy said:


> Whats an angry pirate?


lmao, its my favorite

You get dome from your girl then pull out and bust in her eye then kick her in the shin

that way she hops around on one leg with one eye closed going "arrrrrgh" 


and shes angry


----------



## iamthatguy (Oct 31, 2008)

lmao ..... ok


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 31, 2008)

colins ex was trying to give him a blumpkin like i said lol but she passed out and he left her there. dude i'm glad he doesn't treat me like that at ALL lol.


----------



## iamthatguy (Oct 31, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> lmao, its my favorite
> 
> You get dome from your girl then pull out and bust in her eye then kick her in the shin
> 
> ...


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

wow thats so hilarious, both the picture and the ex passing out


he obviously didn't care for her as much as he does you, woman who act like they don't deserve respect, wont get any

and passing out because your really wasted, while trying to give your man a blumpkin , isnt very respectable


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Oct 31, 2008)

iamthatguy said:


> Do you even know what a blumpkin is?


umm no i just say random things and hope they make sense? 
of course i know what it is...


----------



## Stoney McFried (Oct 31, 2008)

That's bad.Nobody should treat a girl like that.No girl should put up with it.


xmissxaliex said:


> YES! thats it never mind he DID tell me. he got his old girl drunk one day and made her do that.
> 
> i told him if he ever disrespected me like that.. well. lol. i'm mean, thats all ima sayy.
> 
> ...


Still doesn't give anyone a right to treat anyone like that.


TodayIsAGreenday said:


> woman who act like they don't deserve respect, wont get any
> 
> and passing out because your really wasted, while trying to give your man a blumpkin , isnt very respectable


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Oct 31, 2008)

what about strippers? theyll let you say anything you want to them as long as you give them a dollar


----------



## xmissxaliex (Oct 31, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> That's bad.Nobody should treat a girl like that.No girl should put up with it.
> 
> Still doesn't give anyone a right to treat anyone like that.




she was just as bad to him though, she was pregnant with someone's kid after she started going out with him, she would slap him and fuckin, hit pans over his head.. it was baddd.

so thats how he broke up with her because she did bad things and talked shit. and cheated through their relationship


----------



## tallanasty (Nov 1, 2008)

i put my pe-pe into a va-j-j and it got really itchy...crazy story.


----------



## tipsgnob (Nov 1, 2008)




----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Nov 1, 2008)

Ewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## sarah22 (Nov 1, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> what about strippers? theyll let you say anything you want to them as long as you give them a dollar


strippers are so much fun... lol


----------



## Budsworth (Nov 1, 2008)

Allright I was with this chick and we ended up at my place. She told me she loved anal so we went there and when I withdrew my meat missle it had a piece of corn stuck tight to the end of my johnson. She look down upon it and from then on out she always called me kernal.


----------



## ChinaCat (Nov 1, 2008)

Budsworth said:


> Allright I was with this chick and we ended up at my place. She told me she loved anal so we went there and when I withdrew my meat missle it had a piece of corn stuck tight to the end of my johnson. She look down upon it and from then on out she always called me kernal.


What a "corny" story..... 

Sorry guys... I had too.


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## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

Budsworth said:


> Allright I was with this chick and we ended up at my place. She told me she loved anal so we went there and when I withdrew my meat missle it had a piece of corn stuck tight to the end of my johnson. She look down upon it and from then on out she always called me kernal.


anal sex is like the movie "Cliffhanger"







dont look down.
no one wants to see a shitty carabiner.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)




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## tipsgnob (Nov 1, 2008)

*a few years back some friends and I took my RV to mardi gras for some serious ass partying...I was the the only single person on the trip, but I was trippn and it's new orleans I am bound to get laid. on the last night I still had not gotten laid and my buddies had been getting too drunk to do any fucking either, so I didn't feel to bad...so I am in the bedroom in the back sleeping away and hear the door open and a woman says Jimmy(my cousin) are you in here? the next thing I know my cousins naked, drunk girlfriend is in bed with me and proceeds to fuck and suck my brains out...the next day we were getting the RV ready for the trip home and she pulls me aside and says, "I really did think you were Jimmy" . they later got married and when I see her all I can do is smile...*


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## sarah22 (Nov 1, 2008)

tipsgnob said:


> *a few years back some friends and I took my RV to mardi gras for some serious ass partying...I was the the only single person on the trip, but I was trippn and it's new orleans I am bound to get laid. on the last night I still had not gotten laid and my buddies had been getting too drunk to do any fucking either, so I didn't feel to bad...so I am in the bedroom in the back sleeping away and hear the door open and a woman says Jimmy(my cousin) are you in here? the next thing I know my cousins naked, drunk girlfriend is in bed with me and proceeds to fuck and suck my brains out...the next day we were getting the RV ready for the trip home and she pulls me aside and says, "I really did think you were Jimmy" . they later got married and when I see her all I can do is smile...*


hahaha that must make for interesting family gatherings! does ur cousin know that u had this little rendezvous with his now wife? lol


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## tipsgnob (Nov 1, 2008)

sarah22 said:


> hahaha that must make for interesting family gatherings! does ur cousin know that u had this little rendezvous with his now wife? lol


*ohhh no...jimmy would go crazy...but she still looks good.....*


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## holmes (Nov 2, 2008)

My girl at the time, and i found an empty room in the college we are attending, and she was like come on ill help you relax for your test. we close the door and turn off the lights cause she thought that motion sensor thing on the corner of the room was a camera, now we couldnt lock the door cause we'd be fuked, so i positioned her hands to hold the door down while i took care of her from behind. 
i had to let it go in the garbage can, as soon as we walked out janitor is bout a room down getting ready to clean this one, i was like damn, i hope he doesnt realize what hes cleaning up.


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## FLoJo (Nov 3, 2008)

damn. better hope jimmy doesnt read RUI, i have on that doesnt exactly have sex in it, but it is a crazy story which i am still infamous for today lol... its long so i will try to get it on the next page so you dont have to scroll back n forth cuz of this huge ass pic lol


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## FLoJo (Nov 3, 2008)

page 27 starting.... now


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

well dammit tell the story! lol

jk bud


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

FLoJo said:


> what the hellz bellz!!!! allie you post again so i dont make a complete jackass of myself LOL too late



what??? lol 

i'll post with ya.

well OMG i have a gross story.

wasn't sex, but i'm deeply disturbed.

fuckin, kayla and my dealer and my boyfriend and me were raking leaves cuz we wanted to jump in them and me and my girl kayla walk inside and hear this weird noise from my mom and we thought she was hurt!!!!
so we peak our heads in and she was masturbating... except she was staring dead on to my dealer while she was doing it..


oh god..

it was horrible.


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

sounds like a sex story to me.
pretty weird.


did you talk to her about it?


----------



## FLoJo (Nov 3, 2008)

ok, so here is a story which made me pretty much famous through 3 counties lol...

this was back in high school when i was a senior in 05 i guess.

im not gonna go into raunchy sex stories, but this is def. one worth telling...

have i built up the suspense yet? haha

ok so i played football and our team was really badass right, we ended up getting a chance to play the playoffs and one of our games was in texas stadium in arlington where the cowboys play. it was pretty sick to say the least. we rode up there in charter busses but i had some buddys that lived in dallas so my plan was to stay up there and party after the game and come back on sunday or something like that since the game was on friday.

so there was this freshman girl who was 16, had the biggest crush on me, the whole way up she was texting me tryin to call me n shit but i was tryin to get pumped for the game right. so she sends me a few picture mails with her topless with go 51 my football number all over her tits.. i just kinda laughed it off, showed a couple of my close buddies n deleted it then forgot about it. 

so we win the game and i meet up with my homie afterwards and hes tellin me about this fine ass chick he was starin at wearin these tight lil booty shorts and all this shit, so im like oh yea really blah blah and hes like there she is!! sure enough its the girl who was sendin me the pics. so im like oh really and kinda play it off and she comes up and is talkin to us and all this shit tellin me good game n what not but i dont let my buddy know i know her n stuff just try to be cool about it and fuck with him. so anyways he gets her number n shit and i eventually tell him i know her n shit and hes all freakin out.. cant stop talkin bout her all night. later that night were wasted doin some yayo, drinkin n smokin up in dallas celebrating and guess who calls? the girl, we will call her A. So A calls and she is all chatty n flirty, we are all fucked up at a party and my buddy gets on the phone and flirts with her. hes all like oh i wish u were here blah blah the things iwould do to you.. so S says well too bad you cant have me i belong to flojo. keep in mind i never gave this girl the time of day cuz i had a gf at the time and whatever. so hes like nah hes got a girl blah blah and she says we will see about that...

about an hour later i get a video mail from A. its about 5 am and we are oblitterated to say the least.. i think i was barred out also i was twisted up thats fosho. so anyways we open it up, and its A.. still topless with my numbers on her tits, and videotaping herself.. she looks all seductive suckin her fingers n shit... then she starts moanin and shit... pans down.. this girl is buck naked masturbating and moaning my name LOL this goes on for a good minute or whatever the max time was on the vid. phones back then.

naturally we get a kick out of it and laugh, i showed it to my homies there and by the next morning it was forgotten.. 

well a couple months later my gf at the time was all on my case sayin she heard i had slept with this girl n that girl all this shit... i was like bullshit you can check my phone (i thought i was good with my phone lol which i usually was) but because i never got videomail or anything like that just the vids i shot on my phone i had totally forgot that was there.. so my girl takes it home, takes the video and proceeds to email it out to EVERYONE that she knows.. by the next day this girls video has been seen by 99 percent of the population.. and keep in mind this was a 5a school with about 4000 kids.

now, it didnt take long for the administration to get a hold of it and start questioning shit.. turns out since this girl was 16 it was considered child pornography. the adminstration turned it over to the police. so i get questioned, all my records siezed n shit and they were trying to say at first that i shot the video.. i was like helllll no i didnt i was in dallas and had sure fire proof from my coaches and my buddies parents.. then they said i tried to request it and checked all my messages and saw i never asked for it or anything and the girl said she did it volentarily. so then they tried to say i showed everyone and i had to prove i had shown nobody... and the whole time this poor girl is getting tormented by people and had to change schools.. first day at her new school people were throwing food at her at lunch callin her pornstar n shit.. quite bad stuff ended up having to go about 3 counties away to a private school to avoid this shit.

heres where it gets good. so my bitch ass girlfriend (we were on the rocks) who sent it out ended up getting questioned about the situation.. and it came out that she had something to do with this whole operation.. they siezed her phone and email records and ended up proving that she was the one who sent it out.. she was 18, and since the girl was 16, was convicted of distribution of child pornography.. so her rich ass parents had to spend like 80gs on lawyers n chit, she ended up getting like 5 years probation and had to be on the texas sex offenders website for 2 years LOL u know the site that shows the pedophiles and child rapists living near you and shit it was sweet revenge cuz she was a bitch to alot of ppl cuz she thought she was the shit bein captain of the vball team and lil miss popular.. it was quite a shot to her ego... anyways so this one girl had to change to three schools, gf got a felony and on the tx sex offenders website, in the meantime everyone thought i was just big pimpin or somethin i donno and when people heard my name they knew who i was even at the most random places lol

so ya thats my crazy story.. may not be raunchy enough for you but im keepin those in the vault so this will have to do.

hope you enjoyed the novel,

FLo


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

FLoJo said:


> ok, so here is a story which made me pretty much famous through 3 counties lol...
> 
> this was back in high school when i was a senior in 05 i guess.
> 
> ...



wow thats f'd up, i wasn't captain but if the captain of my varsity v ball team had quit or couldn't do it they had said i would be captain, but i was NEVER a bitch or even ever like that!

damn that IS pretty crazy


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> sounds like a sex story to me.
> pretty weird.
> 
> 
> did you talk to her about it?



it was weird... ugh.

no i can't even look at her i've never seen her do something weird like that before.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

it will be less awkward if you talk to here about it.


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## 323cheezy (Nov 3, 2008)

im liken your story flow.... thats crazy shit...but allies mom masturbating..... thats fuckin nuts....i cant imagine my moms masterbating......ewwwwwllll....
nice pic allie.... all glammed up......lol.... your everywhere again....on alll my threads.....


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## 323cheezy (Nov 3, 2008)

my mom never caught me beating my meat...... but i have been caught ....and that shits embarrasing.....lols


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> im liken your story flow.... thats crazy shit...but allies mom masturbating..... thats fuckin nuts....i cant imagine my moms masterbating......ewwwwwllll....
> nice pic allie.... all glammed up......lol.... your everywhere again....on alll my threads.....


i told you cheez! im on to you! lol ima catch up!
=)



ALX420 said:


> it will be less awkward if you talk to here about it.


i know.. its just lol. its weird. she hasn't said much either, even though she doesn't know i saw it.


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 3, 2008)

you willl , cause im starting to fall off....riu is gets old sometimes..... but u always keep it crackin....


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

i was snooping around with my ex, looking for a stash, and we found her moms green vibrator dildo.

it was shocking at the moment.
but i can understand why she would have one.

dont see your mom differently.

she has been masturbating since before you were even born.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i was snooping around with my ex, looking for a stash, and we found her moms green vibrator dildo.
> 
> it was shocking at the moment.
> but i can understand why she would have one.
> ...



hahaha! i know its just.. its my MOM! she hasn't gotten any for years up until like a month or two ago. wow. lol. but she shouldn't have done it when we were all at the house

as for the dildo XD my friends mom had anal beads in her drawer.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> you willl , cause im starting to fall off....riu is gets old sometimes..... but u always keep it crackin....



eh. its not that boring, when i'm bored i'll just come up on here till my boyfriend wakes up.


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## peacemane420 (Nov 3, 2008)

gross i found my moms dildo one time lookin for her weed!


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

hahah its always a bit awkward.


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## peacemane420 (Nov 3, 2008)

i didnt actually see it cuz it was in a purse all the way in the back. it was wrapped in a big towel and as i started to unfold it i could just tell by the shape what it was!!! so i just wrapped it back up and put it back.
i was like fuckin traumatized man hahah

i think i might have been on the phone with her as well at the time too.... cant really remember


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

hahah

"oh.. by the way.."

lol


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

turn on fox news. 

this is right up the street from me.


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

nvm.

back to election bullshit.

there is a gunman on a bridge over the freeway surrounded by police at gunpoint.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

what am i looking for?


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

oh yeah cuz i saw the elections. aww too late lol


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

hes waving an american flag.
shouting political shit.
swat team is setting up behind him.

it is pretty much shutting down the university.
major traffic.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

and thats right by your house? sheesh!


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

up the freeway about 10 min.
he put his gun on the ground.

he is an iraq war veteran.


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## peacemane420 (Nov 3, 2008)

jesus!!! thats some insane shit.


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## ZenMaster (Nov 3, 2008)

I'm watching that shit man

think they got him

*edit*

nope nevermind


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

it happens.
too many guns in the hands of the mentally ill.

i used to live in l.a.
where this stuff doesnt even make the news.
plenty of guns.
plenty of mentally ill.


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## ZenMaster (Nov 3, 2008)

They should open up the freeway, I'm sure there are alot of pissed of people needing to go somewhere and they'll flatten him if it means they can go haha


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## ALX420 (Nov 3, 2008)

the swat team have him lined up for a beanbag or something.
they are just waiting for the order.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

what the hell.. lol?


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## ZenMaster (Nov 3, 2008)

I dunno, i lost my feed on the situation.

Last thing I saw was a dude waving a flag with a bunch of guns pointed at him, then the video got cut off.


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## KaliSmok3 (Nov 3, 2008)

haha i hope they nailed him with the beanbags... haha they look like they hurt waaaayyy worse than a paintball hahaha.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 3, 2008)

sheesh.

lol. its crazy


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## victron (Nov 4, 2008)

im a noob to this site but ive been stoned since 15 

well one of my favorite sexuall extravagandas was the time my bf and i were on a private dock on the water in someones back yard[very rich neighborhood] , it was really cold and windy and the stars were out, and the scent jazmin flowers was intense wafting every where so we decided to smoke a blunt, and cuddle and watch the huge bright moon.
after we finnished he laid back on the dock, and so did i and of corse we started the sloppy make out stoner style  and this was our first make out as a couple lol and on top of that he was a virgin haha. so i started my hand on the trial to the crotch, and i stroked him gently and he gets all hot and heavy on me, all happy and shit the way guys get when they know there gonna get some haha. so he flipps me over and un buttons my jeans haha, btw its about 50 dgrees on the water so we are keeping eachother hot as best we can haha.
he is fingering me so skillfully, then he eats me out like a pro, so i owe him some gratitude lol, he gets head from me for the first time ever  i thought i was going to ge hypothermia, but after 5 minutes [he took for-ever thanks to the cold lol] he cums in my mouth, and of corse i swallow. he almost died. bad news was he stayed a virgin untill 3 weeks later when we fucked in his car haha.

that story is coming after a few people view this
it involves lemonheads.


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 4, 2008)

victron said:


> im a noob to this site but ive been stoned since 15
> 
> well one of my favorite sexuall extravagandas was the time my bf and i were on a private dock on the water in someones back yard[very rich neighborhood] , it was really cold and windy and the stars were out, and the scent jazmin flowers was intense wafting every where so we decided to smoke a blunt, and cuddle and watch the huge bright moon.
> after we finnished he laid back on the dock, and so did i and of corse we started the sloppy make out stoner style  and this was our first make out as a couple lol and on top of that he was a virgin haha. so i started my hand on the trial to the crotch, and i stroked him gently and he gets all hot and heavy on me, all happy and shit the way guys get when they know there gonna get some haha. so he flipps me over and un buttons my jeans haha, btw its about 50 dgrees on the water so we are keeping eachother hot as best we can haha.
> ...



damn dude you said it was only 50 degrees in water? how cold was it? because that doesn't sound that cold to me hahaha


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## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

what a lucky guy..... wow you really know how to treat a man...hahha...
you are a lady right victron????....i hope...lol.....
i bet he wasnt a virgin..... you cant believe men sometimes we do anything to get a bone...haha...thanx for sharing.... you nasty ass!....haahhah...


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

hahaha nasty ass...?
you little bitch  LOL


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## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

peacenugs....your back ????
wit you nasty ass....lol...jk....


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

what you talkin bout... ive always been here... 
i was gone for a min now im back in the jump off
lil kim is the nasty asss
damn those nips... and how they look at the floor!!


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## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

man peace u bettter go bust your man out da pin....or vote or something....
hey lets see some smokin vids!!! you tube style.... sucks i have to got to class in 10.....dammit !


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## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

nah hes ridin it out. he better be doin some productive shit in there... like workin out or findin god or somethin hahahaahah
have fun at school!! hahaha nah youtube stays on youtube... it would be mad weird if people on RIU saw my videos lol


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## victron (Nov 4, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> what a lucky guy..... wow you really know how to treat a man...hahha...
> you are a lady right victron????....i hope...lol.....
> i bet he wasnt a virgin..... you cant believe men sometimes we do anything to get a bone...haha...thanx for sharing.... you nasty ass!....haahhah...


of corse im a girl >:{ the names vicki...
im glad you liked it haha 

are you a chick?


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 4, 2008)

victron said:


> of corse im a girl >:{ the names vicki...
> im glad you liked it haha
> 
> are you a chick?



haha cheez is a dude


mann.

im bored.


----------



## HiAzHeLL (Nov 4, 2008)

well if you guys are bored i got another story thats kinda funny.



this one time me n my g/f went to our local lake to swim there was a bunch of people swimming at this beach part with sand n stuff. we went out to the end of the swimming area and just acted like we were floating there together but we were actually boning there beside other people swimming. THEY DIDNT EVEN KNO ...LOL so i busted a nut and it floated to the surface of the water. we freaked out and started swimming away from it (yeah i know, fuckin nasty) then we left. thats probably my only crazy story that i know of for right now.


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## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

hahaha woah watch out for the load floatin there right past your face


----------



## HiAzHeLL (Nov 4, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> hahaha woah watch out for the load floatin there right past your face


 
yeah i kno that would suck for those people that swim for exercise, go swimming along and bring up the head for a breath of air instead get a breath of jazzyness


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

there was probly worse shit floatin around...like fish turds...lol....or piss..... loads are the least of you worries.... hahahha


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

hahahah man!! i remember when i was like 10 i was out on my dads boat with my 2 other sisters. so i whispered to my dad i had to take a dump and he said "alrght girls yall can get off the boat and swim around here." hahha so i shit in the water man and my fuckin turd was like following my sister HAHAHAAH (cuz of her current) so was like "aj turn around and look!!" the fuckin shit log hit her in the face


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

wow thanks for that mental image...aahhhhh im getting hungry...lol
if u dont mind ....do u have to wipe when u take a dump in the lake...always wanted to know.... man peace ..you and your shit stories...hahahha


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

i dont know... i was a crazy ass tomboy back then... i prolly never wiped my ass lol


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

Halloween was awesome. my fiance introduced me to he two friends and the 4 of us had alot of fun that night. i think you catch my drift. Oh and my fiance said it was a one time thing but its cool cause how many girls would do that for you. Man i love that hell out of her


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

hey devil dog.... your a lucky man...... happy late halloWEENY!...lol


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

were they the chicks in your avtitar????


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

ya thats what im wondering =)


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

Yup. my fiance is the one on the far right


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

oh shit! i was about to stay i thought that was you in a girls costume!
damn that sounds really mean.... shes got some nice jugs dude 
=)


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

I don't know what it is about white girls,they love latin guys around here. its awesome and i'm a former Marine (hints the name) so that helps out alot cause i'm in shape and all tatted up. anyways. life is great. everyday i smoke a blunt and or a bowl and always come home to a meal.The only problem is that she doesn't like me growing or smokin but she knows that it helps me with my medical condition and wounds. Sorry people but i promised her yesterday that when she gets pregnant i will stop everything. Does that make me a pussy?


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> oh shit! i was about to stay i thought that was you in a girls costume!
> damn that sounds really mean.... shes got some nice jugs dude
> =)


 Devil dogg....wow you even have your quote saying that you did... im sad to say i never was cool enuff to do that.... i never had a dime but i had two nickels in the same day once...lol

and peace yeah i thought that was him tooo..lol.... she does got nice jugs tho...


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> oh shit! i was about to stay i thought that was you in a girls costume!
> damn that sounds really mean.... shes got some nice jugs dude
> =)


*Lol. yeah i know. she is just plain hott! and i'm hispanic so i wouldn't pass as a white girl. well maybe sarah (far right) cause she is dark but she is all white. oh and pink *


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## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

no it doesnt make you a pussy dude! if you love her then you will make sacrifices for her to show her you love her. its a beautiful thing =)
you are a lucky man!


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

thats not pussy ....i give props to anyone who can go without cheeb.... plus if your a father it would be the right thing too do....


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> no it doesnt make you a pussy dude! if you love her then you will make sacrifices for her to show her you love her. its a beautiful thing =)
> you are a lucky man!


 
*Thats what i said. i mean i don't want to stop but i know that when we have kids i don't want to be playing with them and then just forget what the hell i was doing. lol. i don't want to be watching him/her and fuck up and hurt him/her. you know?*


----------



## 323cheezy (Nov 4, 2008)

if your all into threesomes and get mad chicks...and are all tatted up...dont get married yet....just enjoy being single... maybe you still have some other thing you wanna get out of your system...bfore.... besides threres plenty of girls out there....

damn peace you beat me ...lol


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 4, 2008)

lol yes i know
good luck


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 4, 2008)

You do what you gotta do, but someone who tries to change you...eh, never mind.


DevilDogg3103 said:


> I don't know what it is about white girls,they love latin guys around here. its awesome and i'm a former Marine (hints the name) so that helps out alot cause i'm in shape and all tatted up. anyways. life is great. everyday i smoke a blunt and or a bowl and always come home to a meal.The only problem is that she doesn't like me growing or smokin but she knows that it helps me with my medical condition and wounds. Sorry people but i promised her yesterday that when she gets pregnant i will stop everything. Does that make me a pussy?


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 4, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> if your all into threesomes and get mad chicks...and are all tatted up...dont get married yet....just enjoy being single... maybe you still have some other thing you wanna get out of your system...bfore.... besides threres plenty of girls out there....
> 
> damn peace you beat me ...lol


 
*Well you see, i was in the Marines. So i've been everywhere and have had sex with almost every race. i'm done. i'm only 21 but after being in Iraq for a total of about 3 years you start to think of the important things and me being infantry, you start to think of the things you are fighting for. and she is diffently worth fighting for and marrying. You'll find that out soon enough. I was just pushed forward in the way i think of life and my love for nature and people changed. P.S i'm fucking baked and i smell her cooking something but it smell fuckin awesome*


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Nov 4, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> You do what you gotta do, but someone who tries to change you...eh, never mind.


someone who tries to change you shoudl get tha fuckin boot!
they need to love you for you...not for who they want you to be.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 4, 2008)

I was gonna say that...but it seemed like too much effort, cuz then there would be disagreeing, and I'd have to explain my position, and then there'd be a long ass conversation...and that seemed like too much effort.


KaliSmok3 said:


> someone who tries to change you shoudl get tha fuckin boot!
> they need to love you for you...not for who they want you to be.


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 5, 2008)

DevilDogg3103 said:


> *Well you see, i was in the Marines. So i've been everywhere and have had sex with almost every race. i'm done. i'm only 21 but after being in Iraq for a total of about 3 years you start to think of the important things and me being infantry, you start to think of the things you are fighting for. and she is diffently worth fighting for and marrying. You'll find that out soon enough. I was just pushed forward in the way i think of life and my love for nature and people changed. P.S i'm fucking baked and i smell her cooking something but it smell fuckin awesome*


 
id say you are a very lucky man
yea my man loves that i cook bomb ass food as well lol


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 5, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> id say you are a very lucky man
> yea my man loves that i cook bomb ass food as well lol



hell yeah man i took 4 or 5 cooking classes in high school and my boyfriend LOOOVES my cooking. he doesn't even know how long to put popcorn in for, poor guy lol


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## sugaryDAVE (Nov 5, 2008)

hello i once did it under our family christmas tree haha it got pretty crazy kicking and pushing lil little sisters presents out the way wile listening to jingle bells haha


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## KaliSmok3 (Nov 5, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> hell yeah man i took 4 or 5 cooking classes in high school and my boyfriend LOOOVES my cooking. he doesn't even know how long to put popcorn in for, poor guy lol


haha. thats about as bad as my gf. she tried to cook noodles in the microwave and fucked it up. lmao. i was like....umm before you try and cook me anything your learning from my mama haha.


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## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 5, 2008)

*My bestfriend growing up,Ashley, couldn't even boil eggs. her mom told her to boil some eggs cause we were making something that i can't remember and when i turned around to see how they were looking she had cracked the eggs into the boiling water. lol. one of the funniest things that i had ever seen. *


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## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 5, 2008)

*And i made the promise to quit,she didn't ask me to. I'm gonna do it for me and my future kids when the time comes. But until then i'm toking*


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## xmissxaliex (Nov 5, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> haha. thats about as bad as my gf. she tried to cook noodles in the microwave and fucked it up. lmao. i was like....umm before you try and cook me anything your learning from my mama haha.




aww lol colin too, he made that ramen in a cup, but not enough water, and it was weird looking and he just looked at me all innocent and sad and i felt so bad but at the same time it was soo funny. so i made him some chicken alfredo and he smashed the whole thing!


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Nov 5, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> aww lol colin too, he made that ramen in a cup, but not enough water, and it was weird looking and he just looked at me all innocent and sad and i felt so bad but at the same time it was soo funny. so i made him some chicken alfredo and he smashed the whole thing!


ROFL. thats what she did. ramen in tha cup and didnt add ANY water. my house smelt like nasty burnt noodles all day. i had to pine the smell out haha.


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## sugaryDAVE (Nov 5, 2008)

waht happen to the sex stories  ? waths this cooking class?? no one commnted on mine


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## ALX420 (Nov 5, 2008)

i've had sex in the kitchen closet and dinning room of a restaurant.

we kept it clean.


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## KaliSmok3 (Nov 5, 2008)

you must be a lil fella. to fit in the closet i mean.


----------



## peacemane420 (Nov 5, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> hell yeah man i took 4 or 5 cooking classes in high school and my boyfriend LOOOVES my cooking. he doesn't even know how long to put popcorn in for, poor guy lol


i dunno cookin just came natural to me lol it started with scrambled eggs when i was 7 and i was cookin steak on the grill by age 10 hahaahah!
cookin is my love! i want to be a chef but i dont want to go to school for it lol


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## MediMaryUser (Nov 5, 2008)

323cheezy said:


> shit i wish i was there....
> we could have took turns.....lol
> how many people were on the bus....????



COULDa MADE THAT SHIT A BANG BUS.


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## KaliSmok3 (Nov 5, 2008)

well how bout you two love cookin so much, come cook for me!

breakfast i want pancakes, eggs, bacon, ham, and hash browns.
lunch i want something good i usually dont eat lunch...
dinner i want a BIG steak-medium, half rack of bbq ribs, baked potatoe and maybe some chocolate mouse cake for dessert.

think you guys can handle that? lol


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## 323cheezy (Nov 5, 2008)

and some flapjacks...lol ....ooppss....you already said that....


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 5, 2008)

big juicy sandwich for lunch.


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## peacemane420 (Nov 5, 2008)

KaliSmok3 said:


> well how bout you two love cookin so much, come cook for me!
> 
> breakfast i want pancakes, eggs, bacon, ham, and hash browns.
> lunch i want something good i usually dont eat lunch...
> ...


 
yea nigga i got that shit!
i dunno bout the mouse tho... that consistinsy is hard to get tho


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## Yeah (Nov 5, 2008)

Have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes!

YouTube - Road Trip - Dog scene

One of my all time favorite movies.


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## KaliSmok3 (Nov 6, 2008)

peacemane420 said:


> yea nigga i got that shit!
> i dunno bout the mouse tho... that consistinsy is hard to get tho


ok well you can make any dessert you can make as long as its good 

cheez you kbnow i had to put the flaps in there i love me some pancakes.


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## tipsgnob (Nov 6, 2008)

*happy birthday peace.... *


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## Louis541 (Nov 6, 2008)

HiAzHeLL said:


> well if you guys are bored i got another story thats kinda funny.
> 
> 
> 
> this one time me n my g/f went to our local lake to swim there was a bunch of people swimming at this beach part with sand n stuff. we went out to the end of the swimming area and just acted like we were floating there together but we were actually boning there beside other people swimming. THEY DIDNT EVEN KNO ...LOL so i busted a nut and it floated to the surface of the water. we freaked out and started swimming away from it (yeah i know, fuckin nasty) then we left. thats probably my only crazy story that i know of for right now.


I've tried to have sex in the ocean, but I couldn't pull it off because I had like a foot and a half on her so I had to hold her up, and the waves were crashin pretty hard that day. KEpt gettin salt in the face. I like to think I'm a trooper when it comes to sex but I told her look, either we go up to the shore or I'm puttin my pants on. She was scared someone was gonna end up comin to our part of the beach so I didn't get to finish ti'll when I took her back to my place in the shower.


----------



## zarf (Nov 7, 2008)

in a church on a sunday during service in the bathroom....i felt the lord that day


----------



## SmokinBong83 (Nov 8, 2008)

Now I've never done it on a Sunday in a church, but I've done it on the second story of a church when it was being built, in a cemetary, just off the railroad tracks, and an abandoned house....all within a 4-5 block radius. That was when I was 17.

OK, I just thought of one. First time I had smoked ice (staying up isn't my thing; I love sleep). It'll have to wait until I go pick up my pit from the vet. Poor baby has sugery yesterday.

Jennifer


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## victron (Nov 9, 2008)

i gots a new one!!

well this happened on thursday, [ this is back story][ i really like this guy named sam he is a fucking sexy boy with a matching ego, he is the kind of guy boy wish they were for reall, he is a damn animal in bed, but ill get to that] sam and i were in his sweet ass disconnected garage that has an upstairs with a sitting area, so his friends and i smoke a blunt with im, it was so great. but other than that, i was so damn horney, swo when it was my turn to get a shot gun, i rubbed my hand on his dick thru his jeans, haha. then we exchanged smoke thru a kiss. after th blunt was dubbed a dunzo roach, he pretty much forced his friends to leave haha. and i followed him into his room, and before i could dropp my purse and take off my sweater, he says " ive been waiting to do this" ahhh! and he grabbs my face and we make out like we never have before haha, hard core kissing is what i call it haha. but any ways, his bed was right there, we start stripping each other haha, all crazy like. and we whent thru 4 positions {doggy first,side ways, spooning, then missionary} before i came, he was doing all the work haha, so i turned the tables and got on cowgirl and started grinding. mind you tis is all going in fast motion, so im sweaty and he is sweaty, so slippery, i fuck him hard and long then he goes down on me with out me asking [ i love a guy with initative ] and i came again, in his mouth, haha so good!, i was like its your turn, so i start sucking his dick and playing with is balls haha, that shit gets him off, he has long hair so i pull it the whole time he loves that too, i bite his nipples, give him a belly hicky, and then he pulls out, and says i want to cum on your tits, haha i love that! [ no swallowing, grooses me out unless the guy likes it ] i play with my pussy in front of his dick, then he shoots all over my stomach and tits haha. then [ this is the kinky part] he spells out his name SAM in his own sperm, the whole while im breathing all hard and i cant stop giggling!
then he licks his finger, and says mm tasty! no joke lol, this is why we are fuck buddies.

i like sam lots! 
i ll give you sexuall updates about or sexcapades later


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## tallanasty (Nov 9, 2008)

that gave me wood


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 9, 2008)

victron said:


> i gots a new one!!
> 
> well this happened on thursday, [ this is back story][ i really like this guy named sam he is a fucking sexy boy with a matching ego, he is the kind of guy boy wish they were for reall, he is a damn animal in bed, but ill get to that] sam and i were in his sweet ass disconnected garage that has an upstairs with a sitting area, so his friends and i smoke a blunt with im, it was so great. but other than that, i was so damn horney, swo when it was my turn to get a shot gun, i rubbed my hand on his dick thru his jeans, haha. then we exchanged smoke thru a kiss. after th blunt was dubbed a dunzo roach, he pretty much forced his friends to leave haha. and i followed him into his room, and before i could dropp my purse and take off my sweater, he says " ive been waiting to do this" ahhh! and he grabbs my face and we make out like we never have before haha, hard core kissing is what i call it haha. but any ways, his bed was right there, we start stripping each other haha, all crazy like. and we whent thru 4 positions {doggy first,side ways, spooning, then missionary} before i came, he was doing all the work haha, so i turned the tables and got on cowgirl and started grinding. mind you tis is all going in fast motion, so im sweaty and he is sweaty, so slippery, i fuck him hard and long then he goes down on me with out me asking [ i love a guy with initative ] and i came again, in his mouth, haha so good!, i was like its your turn, so i start sucking his dick and playing with is balls haha, that shit gets him off, he has long hair so i pull it the whole time he loves that too, i bite his nipples, give him a belly hicky, and then he pulls out, and says i want to cum on your tits, haha i love that! [ no swallowing, grooses me out unless the guy likes it ] i play with my pussy in front of his dick, then he shoots all over my stomach and tits haha. then [ this is the kinky part] he spells out his name SAM in his own sperm, the whole while im breathing all hard and i cant stop giggling!
> then he licks his finger, and says mm tasty! no joke lol, this is why we are fuck buddies.
> ...


YES!



i love it.
sounds like my thursday night.
but i am not as colorful story teller as you vic.
i love this thread!


----------



## TodayIsAGreenday (Nov 9, 2008)

this one time... me and cheezey cybered... shhhhhh


----------



## Danky^dank (Nov 9, 2008)

victron said:


> i gots a new one!!
> 
> well this happened on thursday, [ this is back story][ i really like this guy named sam he is a fucking sexy boy with a matching ego, he is the kind of guy boy wish they were for reall, he is a damn animal in bed, but ill get to that] sam and i were in his sweet ass disconnected garage that has an upstairs with a sitting area, so his friends and i smoke a blunt with im, it was so great. but other than that, i was so damn horney, swo when it was my turn to get a shot gun, i rubbed my hand on his dick thru his jeans, haha. then we exchanged smoke thru a kiss. after th blunt was dubbed a dunzo roach, he pretty much forced his friends to leave haha. and i followed him into his room, and before i could dropp my purse and take off my sweater, he says " ive been waiting to do this" ahhh! and he grabbs my face and we make out like we never have before haha, hard core kissing is what i call it haha. but any ways, his bed was right there, we start stripping each other haha, all crazy like. and we whent thru 4 positions {doggy first,side ways, spooning, then missionary} before i came, he was doing all the work haha, so i turned the tables and got on cowgirl and started grinding. mind you tis is all going in fast motion, so im sweaty and he is sweaty, so slippery, i fuck him hard and long then he goes down on me with out me asking [ i love a guy with initative ] and i came again, in his mouth, haha so good!, i was like its your turn, so i start sucking his dick and playing with is balls haha, that shit gets him off, he has long hair so i pull it the whole time he loves that too, i bite his nipples, give him a belly hicky, and then he pulls out, and says i want to cum on your tits, haha i love that! [ no swallowing, grooses me out unless the guy likes it ] i play with my pussy in front of his dick, then he shoots all over my stomach and tits haha. then [ this is the kinky part] he spells out his name SAM in his own sperm, the whole while im breathing all hard and i cant stop giggling!
> then he licks his finger, and says mm tasty! no joke lol, this is why we are fuck buddies.
> ...


wow that was a good one hands down!!!


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear penthouse......


victron said:


> i gots a new one!!
> 
> well this happened on thursday, [ this is back story][ i really like this guy named sam he is a fucking sexy boy with a matching ego, he is the kind of guy boy wish they were for reall, he is a damn animal in bed, but ill get to that] sam and i were in his sweet ass disconnected garage that has an upstairs with a sitting area, so his friends and i smoke a blunt with im, it was so great. but other than that, i was so damn horney, swo when it was my turn to get a shot gun, i rubbed my hand on his dick thru his jeans, haha. then we exchanged smoke thru a kiss. after th blunt was dubbed a dunzo roach, he pretty much forced his friends to leave haha. and i followed him into his room, and before i could dropp my purse and take off my sweater, he says " ive been waiting to do this" ahhh! and he grabbs my face and we make out like we never have before haha, hard core kissing is what i call it haha. but any ways, his bed was right there, we start stripping each other haha, all crazy like. and we whent thru 4 positions {doggy first,side ways, spooning, then missionary} before i came, he was doing all the work haha, so i turned the tables and got on cowgirl and started grinding. mind you tis is all going in fast motion, so im sweaty and he is sweaty, so slippery, i fuck him hard and long then he goes down on me with out me asking [ i love a guy with initative ] and i came again, in his mouth, haha so good!, i was like its your turn, so i start sucking his dick and playing with is balls haha, that shit gets him off, he has long hair so i pull it the whole time he loves that too, i bite his nipples, give him a belly hicky, and then he pulls out, and says i want to cum on your tits, haha i love that! [ no swallowing, grooses me out unless the guy likes it ] i play with my pussy in front of his dick, then he shoots all over my stomach and tits haha. then [ this is the kinky part] he spells out his name SAM in his own sperm, the whole while im breathing all hard and i cant stop giggling!
> then he licks his finger, and says mm tasty! no joke lol, this is why we are fuck buddies.
> ...


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 10, 2008)

TodayIsAGreenday said:


> this one time... me and cheezey cybered... shhhhhh






.....LMAO wow...ReALly


----------



## gmrajen7 (Nov 10, 2008)

it look like crazy.........


----------



## Louis541 (Nov 10, 2008)

victron said:


> i gots a new one!!
> 
> well this happened on thursday, [ this is back story][ i really like this guy named sam he is a fucking sexy boy with a matching ego, he is the kind of guy boy wish they were for reall, he is a damn animal in bed, but ill get to that] sam and i were in his sweet ass disconnected garage that has an upstairs with a sitting area, so his friends and i smoke a blunt with im, it was so great. but other than that, i was so damn horney, swo when it was my turn to get a shot gun, i rubbed my hand on his dick thru his jeans, haha. then we exchanged smoke thru a kiss. after th blunt was dubbed a dunzo roach, he pretty much forced his friends to leave haha. and i followed him into his room, and before i could dropp my purse and take off my sweater, he says " ive been waiting to do this" ahhh! and he grabbs my face and we make out like we never have before haha, hard core kissing is what i call it haha. but any ways, his bed was right there, we start stripping each other haha, all crazy like. and we whent thru 4 positions {doggy first,side ways, spooning, then missionary} before i came, he was doing all the work haha, so i turned the tables and got on cowgirl and started grinding. mind you tis is all going in fast motion, so im sweaty and he is sweaty, so slippery, i fuck him hard and long then he goes down on me with out me asking [ i love a guy with initative ] and i came again, in his mouth, haha so good!, i was like its your turn, so i start sucking his dick and playing with is balls haha, that shit gets him off, he has long hair so i pull it the whole time he loves that too, i bite his nipples, give him a belly hicky, and then he pulls out, and says i want to cum on your tits, haha i love that! [ no swallowing, grooses me out unless the guy likes it ] i play with my pussy in front of his dick, then he shoots all over my stomach and tits haha. then [ this is the kinky part] he spells out his name SAM in his own sperm, the whole while im breathing all hard and i cant stop giggling!
> then he licks his finger, and says mm tasty! no joke lol, this is why we are fuck buddies.
> ...


And his friends were there the whole time?


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## victron (Nov 10, 2008)

your an idiot louis541.


----------



## victron (Nov 10, 2008)

thanks for liking it haha, dear penthouse lolz.
srsly.


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## strangerdude562 (Nov 10, 2008)

hyphyjoose said:


> okay, not a sex story, but true
> 
> i learned how to masturbate when i was like 6 from that ace ventura movie where he goes to africa. i learned from that scene where they show him fapping in his tent and you see the shadow of his dick and he's jerkin it rofl. well anyway after i learn how to fap i go to school (was either kindergarten or 1st grade don't remember) the next day and i go over to my gf. all i remember is fingering her in the classroom while i'm fapping. i did this for the next couple months every day in classroom until eventually i got suspended. LOL



_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I learned how to masturbate from watching There's Something About Mary, it was the part when he drained the pipes before going on a date with Mary._


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## strangerdude562 (Nov 10, 2008)

_*As for the sex story. When I was 16 years old my girlfriend at the time had invited me to Disneyland with her family, and on the way back home she gave me a blow job in the back row of the mini-van while her parents and sibling were seated ahead of us. This girl was crazy, there is plenty of more stories that were created by her.*_


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## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 11, 2008)

Ive had some crazy sex over my past 7+ years of getting it on but the craziest has to be from 2006. 

I was seeing this girl for 2 months and things were going ok but she was becoming alil attached so i was about to break up with her but something horrible happened. I went out on sept 9 for my friends 21st birthday and to cut a very long story short I ended up Hurting my self severly bad at the club and then proceeded to leave/drive while extremely intoxicated. I ended up fliping my mustang 10+ times with out a seat belt on. I ended up in the backseat of the mustang with the roof smashed to the doors. After the firefighters cut my roof off and got me medivac'd to the hospital I passed out from the massive scalp lacerations (you wouldnt believe what ive been through) and a fractured jaw, fractured skull, and crushed sinus cavity. 2 days later i wake up with a tube in my mouth helping me breath in the ICU. after a week and an operation I went home only to find my girlfriend really cared about me and was happy i was alive. 

Here's the sex story: My girlfriend wanted to have sex with me SOOOOO bad only after 1 week of being back from the hospital. I had massive bandages and a drain in the back of head, draining fluid from my lascerations which where stapled shut. Next thing I know im fucking her on my couch and almost passing out in the process from being extremely dizzy from the head trauma i had been through. I finished up while trying to not pass out due to the elevated heart rate and extreme flow of blood to my Hemmoraging brain. 

That has to be the utmost craziest sex I have ever had in my life.


----------



## Danky^dank (Nov 16, 2008)

puffpuffpassedout said:


> ive had some crazy sex over my past 7+ years of getting it on but the craziest has to be from 2006.
> 
> I was seeing this girl for 2 months and things were going ok but she was becoming alil attached so i was about to break up with her but something horrible happened. I went out on sept 9 for my friends 21st birthday and to cut a very long story short i ended up hurting my self severly bad at the club and then proceeded to leave/drive while extremely intoxicated. I ended up fliping my mustang 10+ times with out a seat belt on. I ended up in the backseat of the mustang with the roof smashed to the doors. After the firefighters cut my roof off and got me medivac'd to the hospital i passed out from the massive scalp lacerations (you wouldnt believe what ive been through) and a fractured jaw, fractured skull, and crushed sinus cavity. 2 days later i wake up with a tube in my mouth helping me breath in the icu. After a week and an operation i went home only to find my girlfriend really cared about me and was happy i was alive.
> 
> ...


holy shit.........


----------



## tipsgnob (Nov 16, 2008)

*I don't know what to say....*


----------



## Lumsden (Nov 16, 2008)

im keen on a root


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## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 16, 2008)

So do i qualify as the craziest sex story?


----------



## scragelynugz (Nov 16, 2008)

You da man puffpuffpassed out - haha, was it any good?


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 16, 2008)

Hey i wasnt complaining


----------



## tallanasty (Nov 16, 2008)

puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:


> So do i qualify as the craziest sex story?


no way youre close to the craziest. did u not read that girls before you?


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 16, 2008)

Hmm i just went back and read the story... I must admit it wasnt a bad story! ...But it was alil to childish for me. I would guess that girl isnt that far from 18... And for me the real freaks arent born til after 21 so it really inspired me to write one of my own super sexy (porno like) Sex story of my own 


.... ok here it goes I met this girl on myspace (well she found me) and she says she knows my friend Katie. Im like ok cool (not really caring becuase she was hot anyways lol) We get to talking on AIM and eventually i ask her out to the bar. At the time i was still 20 but we knew of a bar where all underage college kids went and bottomline we go and drink. We then go to taco bell and then back to my house to blaze. One thing leads to another and we are getting naked. 
I take her clothes off and proceed to go down on her but she stops me! I tend to like eating puss (i mean i did have the munchies  haha). She tells me No So i go "I need to get a condom then" shes like "Oh what you dont trust me?" so I begin to fuck the shit out of her. Im hitting it missionary when My dick begins to take over my body. I pick her up with her legs hanging over my arms and her holding behind my head while facing me (Keep in mind im 6'5 athletic and she is 5'2 with a tight body) Im pounding it HARD then she starts saying how im hurting her and i put her on the edge of the bed and begin to take it alil bit slower while she is holding the back of my neck still moaning like crazy. (i think at the time my roomate was over his girls) So after some doggy we go to her riding me... I had her nice ass tits in my face (36C's i think), they were so firm while i was playing with them...She starts to cum again and she's really laying it on thick, I mean i thought she was gonna blow off my cock from her orgasm lol.... Im in the mood to cum and she says "cum inside of me" I hesitate but then release one of the hardest nuts i ever had in my life! This was the first time I ever busted in a chick. Ive always wore condoms before this point and man did they suck so bad. ...Then we sleep

The kicker is i start seeing this chick after this. I mean the pussy was just to good, and she drove to see me everyday after college which was in the area. I was in heaven. Hell i remember the first time she gave me head, lol it was on her period! she would blow me everyday she was on her period... she got too attached after a few months so i stopped it but still i continue to see her once in a while 


...ive got some more but hey im not getting paid for this so why the hell would i want to type this damn much? lol


----------



## Busmike (Nov 16, 2008)

*I'm not tellin.....*

*What happens in my bedroom is a secret between me and my right hand!*


* .*


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Nov 17, 2008)

10:55 am EPT. Nut #1 has departed.

Nut #2 Sheduled in a minute... hahaha.

Cheez where you at!


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 17, 2008)

Busmike said:


> *I'm not tellin.....*
> 
> *What happens in my bedroom is a secret between me and my right hand!*
> 
> ...



woooah.


----------



## Louis541 (Nov 17, 2008)

tallanasty said:


> no way youre close to the craziest. did u not read that girls before you?



Wow, after reading some of those posts that is the one you think is the craziest? If it's true then I'm gonna have to go with the dude who's girl got busted for child porn, But that's just me. That story was decent, but two people having sex in a bedroom is crazy now adays?


----------



## Louis541 (Nov 17, 2008)

puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:


> I take her clothes off and proceed to go down on her but she stops me! I tend to like eating puss (i mean i did have the munchies  haha). She tells me No So i go "I need to get a condom then" shes like "Oh what you dont trust me?"



Do you trust me? The correct answer to that question is and always will be hell no. You're pussy is not worth my dick falling off. And she wouldn't let you check the merchandise beforehand? You are a brave man.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 17, 2008)

To be fair, some chicks hate being eaten.Like me.


Louis541 said:


> Do you trust me? The correct answer to that question is and always will be hell no. You're pussy is not worth my dick falling off. And she wouldn't let you check the merchandise beforehand? You are a brave man.


----------



## Louis541 (Nov 17, 2008)

I'm sure. That's just cause noone ever did it right. And if I'm thinkin of the right person you don't like sex anyways. But to conciously ask a guy not to wear a rubber? Sounds like a burner to me.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 17, 2008)

Oh, on the burner count I agree with you, as far as the no condom thing..But please, the whole right one hasn't done it thing?They all say that.And yes, sex ain't that great.


Louis541 said:


> I'm sure. That's just cause noone ever did it right. And if I'm thinkin of the right person you don't like sex anyways. But to conciously ask a guy not to wear a rubber? Sounds like a burner to me.


----------



## tallanasty (Nov 18, 2008)

Louis541 said:


> Wow, after reading some of those posts that is the one you think is the craziest? If it's true then I'm gonna have to go with the dude who's girl got busted for child porn, But that's just me. That story was decent, but two people having sex in a bedroom is crazy now adays?


the way that chick told it made it good, and it was just used as a compairson to that dudes story fuckin some chick wrapped up like a mummy.


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## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 18, 2008)

Louis541 said:


> Do you trust me? The correct answer to that question is and always will be hell no. You're pussy is not worth my dick falling off. And she wouldn't let you check the merchandise beforehand? You are a brave man.


You have to remember this girl was 18 at the time and now she is 21 and has gotten her trust fund of ummm 875,000 Yes 875 Thousand.... 

...I was very brave still though becuase come to find out she had another guy tagging it. Damn slut haha ...But you gotta love the rich ones lol

If i could go back and do it over I would hit it raw and then bust on her face! hahaha


----------



## Yeah (Nov 18, 2008)

Nothing like hitting it raw, but sometimes it just not worth it. Speaking of which, I need to make a doctor's appointment.


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 18, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> Oh, on the burner count I agree with you, as far as the no condom thing..But please, the whole right one hasn't done it thing?They all say that.And yes, sex ain't that great.


i would put money on it that you dont orgasm during sex

...the last girl i was with was like this. TALK ABOUT STINGGY WITH THE PUSSY! Hit it for a week str8 when i first met her then its like once a week. Wow i was turned off to find she didnt cum during sex. Its like Jason van derbiek said in The Rules of Attraction "I wont have sex with a girl who doesnt cum while having sex, Whats the point? ...Its like asking questions in a letter" 

But hey im sorry for your luck.

...Oh and PS: you wouldnt happen to be someone who likes "angry" sex do you? because this chick told me that she LOVES to get pounded so hard so she cant walk the next day. I might put money on it that you like it ruff too


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 18, 2008)

No, I hate it rough.I like it easy.I don't cum during sex very much, that's a fact.I had a fucker pound it so hard,I'm surprised his balls weren't in a sling.I hate that.Take your time, do it right.If I want pounded on, I'll get in a bar fight.


puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:


> i would put money on it that you dont orgasm during sex
> 
> ...the last girl i was with was like this. TALK ABOUT STINGGY WITH THE PUSSY! Hit it for a week str8 when i first met her then its like once a week. Wow i was turned off to find she didnt cum during sex. Its like Jason van derbiek said in The Rules of Attraction "I wont have sex with a girl who doesnt cum while having sex, Whats the point? ...Its like asking questions in a letter"
> 
> ...


----------



## SmokeyMcSmokester (Nov 18, 2008)

slow and easy..that's the way my woman like it...


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Nov 18, 2008)

Do you have to pick one? You can't like both?


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 18, 2008)

You can like whatever you want!


Wikidbchofthewst said:


> Do you have to pick one? You can't like both?


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 18, 2008)

I dont like it that rough though. She was scary. The more i punished her the more she would moan... Wierd ...big turn off too

Not to mention it was too much work! haha


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 18, 2008)

puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:


> I dont like it that rough though. She was scary. The more i punished her the more she would moan... Wierd ...big turn off too
> 
> Not to mention it was too much work! haha




tisk tisk. those damn moaners -=)

take it for what its worth lol she liked it biiiggg time.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 18, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> tisk tisk. those damn moaners -=)
> 
> take it for what its worth lol she liked it biiiggg time.


i guess we know what alie likes.




i love it when a girl lets me know how she feels. the louder the better.

they all moan.

they cant help it.

but a screamer is always fun.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 18, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> i guess we know what alie likes.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





hey lol...


never screamed, but. if a girl doesn't moan, your most likely not doing it right.


----------



## tallanasty (Nov 18, 2008)

lol i had a screamer once. i was drunk and beatin it up doggy at the end for about 30 minutes. she got off twice before i did, and when i was finally finished and she begged me to keep goin.


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Nov 18, 2008)

tallanasty said:


> lol i had a screamer once. i was drunk and beatin it up doggy at the end for about 30 minutes. she got off twice before i did, and when i was finally finished and she begged me to keep goin.


Lol I know how that feels... I used to see this chick (We were fuck buddies) and she was a screamer too. She was going to college for theater though so i think she was over acting sometimes lol. But I would finish up and like 5 mins later she would be sucking my ding-a-ling like we just started to fuck. Well next thing I know im banging out 3 nuts over the course of a couple hours and she still wanted more lol. I guess some girls just cant get enough


----------



## Grimsoul (Nov 21, 2008)

i once rolled a joint while getting my dick sucked


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 22, 2008)

Grimsoul said:


> i once rolled a joint while getting my dick sucked




how could you focus on that while getting one? lol.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 22, 2008)

xmissxaliex said:


> how could you focus on that while getting one? lol.


it obviously wasnt that good.


----------



## xmissxaliex (Nov 22, 2008)

ALX420 said:


> it obviously wasnt that good.



probably not. i mean just going on with your business while a girl is going down on you, well.. that's really embarrassing for the girl haha


----------



## Grimsoul (Nov 23, 2008)

lets just say my love for marry jane , is stronger than my love for blow jobs


----------



## Louis541 (Nov 23, 2008)

Did you put a mirror on top of her head to break the weed up and roll?


----------



## ghanjastian (Nov 24, 2008)

getting a bj in the 2nd floor of my school, teacher walks in and says " oh I'm sorry" and steps out, the best part was we didn't even stop, I nutted all over her sweater.


----------



## hornedfrog2000 (Nov 24, 2008)

ghanjastian said:


> getting a bj in the 2nd floor of my school, teacher walks in and says " oh I'm sorry" and steps out, the best part was we didn't even stop, I nutted all over her sweater.


I know you are probably schizophrenic and this never happened, but good story.

It reminds me of the time I was banging your mom and then I blew it on her face, and said we should probably just be friends... She was devastated.


----------



## Dre773 (Nov 24, 2008)

It was Senior year and there was this girl (bad as hell) I walks up to her and grab her on the ass and asked her "Whats good Ma" (never said a word to her till that day) she smiled and we went into the girls bathroom....... banged her brains out in the stall......the crazy thing is that my girlfriend was in the next stall taking a shit.......What a fuckin day!! 1


----------



## victron (Nov 24, 2008)

fucking liar!!


----------



## victron (Nov 24, 2008)

drunk sex is good, yes?


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 25, 2008)

drunk sex is awesome.

thats how i have been doing it last few weekends.

it's unavoidable really.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 25, 2008)

Wait till you get whiskey dick.


ALX420 said:


> drunk sex is awesome.
> 
> thats how i have been doing it last few weekends.
> 
> it's unavoidable really.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 25, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> Wait till you get whiskey dick.


i've been too drunk to fuck.
crown royal in the hot tub.

i sobered up and handled in the morning.

best cure for a hangover.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Nov 25, 2008)

Not for me.Ugh, hangover=leave me be.


ALX420 said:


> i've been too drunk to fuck.
> crown royal in the hot tub.
> 
> i sobered up and handled in the morning.
> ...


----------



## victron (Nov 26, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> Wait till you get whiskey dick.


what the hell is whiskey dick?


----------



## tipsgnob (Nov 26, 2008)

*that's when you drink so much whiskey your dick wont get hard...*


----------



## T O K E (Nov 26, 2008)

Wow, You fellas started young , I fingered a girl at like 4. She lived near me and I was like um sure whatever until her mom found out. Then my dad tought me how to use my be be gun and I shot her mom in the leg lol.


----------



## tipsgnob (Nov 26, 2008)

*that's very interesting T O K E...how did that make you feel?*


----------



## hornedfrog2000 (Nov 26, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> Wait till you get whiskey dick.


Been there done that... Sucks because you don't get laid 1, and you feel like a fucktard.


----------



## hornedfrog2000 (Nov 26, 2008)

T O K E said:


> Wow, You fellas started young , I fingered a girl at like 4. She lived near me and I was like um sure whatever until her mom found out. Then my dad tought me how to use my be be gun and I shot her mom in the leg lol.


You shouldn't be fingering 4 year olds when you are like 25 bro.


----------



## victron (Dec 10, 2008)

eww 4 year olds cant even pee straight yet, plus no erections yet, or arousal, and then there is the fact that a finger can barely enter a girl untill aout 10 years old lol., and there is no such thing as sexuallity untill about age 9. so your lying dude...

and that shit is gross to think about. kids that ageare copying their parents as in only forced smooches.


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Dec 10, 2008)

victron said:


> eww 4 year olds cant even pee straight yet, plus no erections yet, or arousal, and then there is the fact that a finger can barely enter a girl untill aout 10 years old lol., and there is no such thing as sexuallity untill about age 9. so your lying dude...
> 
> and that shit is gross to think about. kids that ageare copying their parents as in only forced smooches.


I beg to differ...I fooled around with girls when i was a tot. I was 3 maybe 4 when I began to feel up my long time friend. I grew up with her. We werent related but her parents know my parents. We fooled around til puberty then things spread out if you know what i mean.

So yes 4 year olds DO fool around.


----------



## Bleedmaize (Dec 10, 2008)

Big P said:


> ive told this one already but lets get the grossness bar high, so here it goes- this is the condenseded version
> 
> 
> i was pounding this gurl like ive pounded no other, i was filthy drunk and could not catch a nut for nothin,
> ...


 lmfao....that is some funny shit...i think they wanted to be pounded too...lmfao....


----------



## Pdiddy (Dec 11, 2008)

I was dating this petite korean girl once. I had been trying to get her to let me put it in her butt. She would always act like she oneday would let me but never would. Then one night we went out and both got pretty hammered, her especially. We got back to my place and that night she was totally down. We had been doing the dirty dirty for a little while now and I decided to pull my wang out of her pooper and nut on her back. As I pulled out, she lost control of her bodiliy functions and pooped all over the place. Absolutely f*cking disgusting. However, I can now say that I have f*cked the sh!t out of a girl.


----------



## Gfreeze (Dec 16, 2008)

This one time my and my girl were doin it and she like bit my ear kinda and like licked the inside of it a few days later i got an ear infection. Pretty sure it was from her saliva being in my ear.


----------



## ALX420 (Dec 18, 2008)

Gfreeze said:


> This one time my and my girl were doin it and she like bit my ear kinda and like licked the inside of it a few days later i got an ear infection. Pretty sure it was from her saliva being in my ear.


so was it worth it?


----------



## yapayapapayaya (Jan 9, 2009)

I met this chick and I was trying to get her to squirt
so we do it once and I can feel she's close but we finish
and nothing happens. Then she tells me she was figting to stop
it. I ask her why and she said because she felt she couln't
controll it "I felt I was going to pee and fart she said"
so next time I "really" enphasize and try to get my job done
and she replies I feel like am going to pee!
so I increase speed and she freakin craps all over my bed!!


----------



## blazindapurple (Jan 9, 2009)

okay i just had sex for the first time so i have no idea if this is crazy or not... but i think it is. so anyways im going out with this nymphomaniac asian that is fucking tiny. she gets on me and we start bumpin uglies for about an hour, she started screaming crazy shit like just the most random stuff possible it was shit like "oh my god! i want your cum in my hair!" so i think well, alright then. so as im about to bust a nut in her hair her fucking mom walks in with a new teddy bear for her sees me about to do what im working on screams "WHY ELIZABETH!!!!" and rips the bear in half, faints and if thats not worse she then craps her pants and then her dog walks in the room and starts trying to bite my dick. needless to say i ran outta there with my clothes in my hands and nothing but a rubber on.


oh btw in minnesota it gets to be about -10 in the winter at night so just imagine running about 5 miles with just a rubber on. i think it froze


----------



## Woomeister (Jan 9, 2009)

blazindapurple said:


> okay i just had sex for the first time so i have no idea if this is crazy or not... but i think it is. so anyways im going out with this nymphomaniac asian that is fucking tiny. she gets on me and we start bumpin uglies for about an hour, she started screaming crazy shit like just the most random stuff possible it was shit like "oh my god! i want your cum in my hair!" so i think well, alright then. so as im about to bust a nut in her hair her fucking mom walks in with a new teddy bear for her sees me about to do what im working on screams "WHY ELIZABETH!!!!" and rips the bear in half, faints and if thats not worse she then craps her pants and then her dog walks in the room and starts trying to bite my dick. needless to say i ran outta there with my clothes in my hands and nothing but a rubber on.
> 
> 
> oh btw in minnesota it gets to be about -10 in the winter at night so just imagine running about 5 miles with just a rubber on. i think it froze


 And then the hypnotist clicked his fingers.......


----------



## blazindapurple (Jan 9, 2009)

dude im not shitting you im grounded now for about a year


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Jan 9, 2009)

I think the craziest sex is the sex you have with yourself. I mean how fucking pathetic is it to masterbate. Its just so low lol


----------



## blazindapurple (Jan 9, 2009)

okay fine so i made up the part about the mom shitting her pants and fainting and the fucking teddy bear thing
what really happened is we were both virgins and basically her mom walked in got pissed and threatend to have her husband beat me. what eventually happened is my parents came and picked me up. im still grounded for a year tho


----------



## Woomeister (Jan 9, 2009)

Sound smore like it..


----------



## blazindapurple (Jan 9, 2009)

yeah sorry about that i only did it because eveyone else had some funny stories and i felt it would be weaksauce if i told the truth


----------



## Stoney McFried (Jan 9, 2009)

How old are you that you get grounded for a year?


blazindapurple said:


> yeah sorry about that i only did it because eveyone else had some funny stories and i felt it would be weaksauce if i told the truth


----------



## 420DrGreenthumb (Jan 9, 2009)

Have to get this off my chest.. I was just house sitting for my uncle recently.. went away for like 3 weeks. 

Anyway they have a pool and it was hot so i used it heaps to swim, and i had this girl i'd been kinda seeing to come over and we started fooling around in the pool then went inside and screwed on the couch, in about 4 different styles (expensive couch too)

All good so far, then i saw a little box in the corner of the room up high.. i was like 90% sure it was a home privacy camera and i spoke to my mum and nan about it and apparently they have these cameras indoors they use when they go away. Im still waiting on a call from him, he's been back about 4 days now lol.


----------



## diemdepyro (Jan 9, 2009)

He is still watching the movie.


----------



## 420DrGreenthumb (Jan 9, 2009)

diemdepyro said:


> He is still watching the movie.


Lmfao, oh lord


----------



## tipsgnob (Jan 10, 2009)

420DrGreenthumb said:


> Lmfao, oh lord


*I hope you made him proud............*


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Jan 10, 2009)

Mmmmm Cum stains on the expensive leather/suede..... I would be upset.... unless she was hot


----------



## 420DrGreenthumb (Jan 10, 2009)

puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:


> Mmmmm Cum stains on the expensive leather/suede..... I would be upset.... unless she was hot


Haha yes, Korean


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Jan 10, 2009)

420DrGreenthumb said:


> Haha yes, Korean


Koreans arent that hot in my book :-/


----------



## theonesx (Jan 16, 2009)

okay the stories have seem to dropped off, so here is one although I would not necessarily consider it one of my craziest...

In grade 12 in between finals I had a major project due in my AI class which was photography at the time. I was working in the dark room alone when my Gf at the time came in and locked the door behind her. This gal had amazing breats.... to die for... Needless to say one thing led to another and I had her naked while my pictures were soaking in the solution. I started by getting her soaking and sat her on the table in there and slid it in. I pounded away for a while before I moved to the chair and she rode cowgirl for a while. After a while we switched positions once again and I laid my shirt down for her as a pillow. As you can imagine the floor was cement thus ice cold so she used her shirt under her. things got pretty heated and I ended up giving her a huge present. After we cleaned up and left the room to the main lab there were a few other people that were their finishing up their projects. You could clearly tell by her messed up hair and the stains on her shirt for her cum and mine (remember we were in the dark room so we could not see at the time). When we came out what had gone on. I got an couple grins from the guys and a couple dirty looks from the gals 9a couple gals seemed impressed). In any case we sort of created a legend of the dark room that day. Considering it was a small high school of about 100 students it was quite the memories even to this day....

now lets hear some more stories...


----------



## KaliSmok3 (Jan 17, 2009)

i wanna know where tha fuck my man cheez is? have not talked to this nigga in a minute.... WHERE YOU AT CHEEZ!?! We Miss You!


----------



## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Jan 19, 2009)

theonesx said:


> okay the stories have seem to dropped off, so here is one although I would not necessarily consider it one of my craziest...
> 
> In grade 12 in between finals I had a major project due in my AI class which was photography at the time. I was working in the dark room alone when my Gf at the time came in and locked the door behind her. This gal had amazing breats.... to die for... Needless to say one thing led to another and I had her naked while my pictures were soaking in the solution. I started by getting her soaking and sat her on the table in there and slid it in. I pounded away for a while before I moved to the chair and she rode cowgirl for a while. After a while we switched positions once again and I laid my shirt down for her as a pillow. As you can imagine the floor was cement thus ice cold so she used her shirt under her. things got pretty heated and I ended up giving her a huge present. After we cleaned up and left the room to the main lab there were a few other people that were their finishing up their projects. You could clearly tell by her messed up hair and the stains on her shirt for her cum and mine (remember we were in the dark room so we could not see at the time). When we came out what had gone on. I got an couple grins from the guys and a couple dirty looks from the gals 9a couple gals seemed impressed). In any case we sort of created a legend of the dark room that day. Considering it was a small high school of about 100 students it was quite the memories even to this day....
> 
> now lets hear some more stories...


Closest i ever came to public sex was banging a girl on the hood of my mustang at 3am. I was in the back parking lot of a VFW. haha Memoriesss


----------



## Mr. Bitti (Jan 20, 2009)

heres some funny shit... back when i was a kid in high school i was out with my gf one night drinking and went back to her parents. she was really horny but she was on the rag and wouldn't let me touch her pussy so after she sucked me off for a bit i convinced her to put it in her ass. we were pretty drunk and couldnt fit it in her ass. well i kept trying for a while going from ass to mouth trying to get it lubed up...anyway we both ended up passing out at her parents family room. carpet i had my jeans by my ankles and she was wearing a skirt up by her tities when her mom woke her up in the morning hahahaha i was upset to embarass her with her parents but at the same time i was laughin inside for a while it was pretty crazy i thought... i could say something nastier or more about sex i just thought this one would be fun!


----------



## Stoney McFried (Jan 21, 2009)

From ass to mouth, huh.Thanks for the lovely images.


Mr. Bitti said:


> heres some funny shit... back when i was a kid in high school i was out with my gf one night drinking and went back to her parents. she was really horny but she was on the rag and wouldn't let me touch her pussy so after she sucked me off for a bit i convinced her to put it in her ass. we were pretty drunk and couldnt fit it in her ass. well i kept trying for a while going from ass to mouth trying to get it lubed up...anyway we both ended up passing out at her parents family room. carpet i had my jeans by my ankles and she was wearing a skirt up by her tities when her mom woke her up in the morning hahahaha i was upset to embarass her with her parents but at the same time i was laughin inside for a while it was pretty crazy i thought... i could say something nastier or more about sex i just thought this one would be fun!


----------



## Stoney McFried (Jan 21, 2009)

And hey...this isn't a sex story, but sound advice for any guys threatened by their woman's use of toys.From the stranger's savage love column.
*Buzz Kill*

*January 22, 2009*

By Dan Savage 




*I love the wife* I married two years ago, but she absolutely can't come unless she uses a vibrator on herself. She's asked me to let her use it during sex or for me to use it on her, but I've refused. It's bad enough knowing I can't compete with that thing without having to look at it.
Let's Insert My Prick
Yeah, yeah, LIMP, you can't compete. Like a lot of other men, you've fallen in love with a woman who needs intense, focused stimulation in order to come, the kind of sensation that hands, fingers, tongues, and cocks just can't providea woman who requires a vibrator. Now let's take a little time to grieve, shall we?
Time's up.
Now stop being such a douchebag about this, LIMP, and go ask the wife to show you just how to hold the vibrator and just where to apply pressure so that youYOU!can start giving her orgasms during sex. See the vibrator as a tool, moron, not a threat. If you love your wife and want her to stay married to you, LIMP, get on the proverbial stick. Because if being with you means going without orgasms during sex for the rest of her lifeall because she was foolish enough to marry an insecure bag of slop who refuses to do what needs to be done to get her offthen your wife just might decide to be with someone else.
And now an important message for all straight guys everywhere: Some women need vibrators to get off. Why? Well, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that most of a woman's clitoral tissues are _inside_ her body; the exposed part of her clitoris is just the tip, comparable to the head of your penis. Now imagine if the shaft of your penis were buried inside your body, guys. You might need the help of a vibrator to get off then, too; you might need a tool that could stimulate your shaft through layers of skin and muscle and fat. We've been over and over this since the early 1990s, fellas, and there's no excuse anymore for freaking out about your wife/girlfriend/mom needing a vibrator, okay?
But any ladies feeling smug about guys feeling insecure about your sex toys might want to check out RealTouch, a new sex toy for men. A self-lubricating, self-heating sex toy with gears and belts and bells and whistles, the RealTouch simulatessomehow or otherthe sensations of twats, asses, and mouths, according to its manufacturers. It can be plugged into a computer and synced up with porn clips so that it speeds up, slows down, grips, whatever, in time with the speeding up, slowing down, gripping, and whatever that you're watching on the screen.
While I doubt a RealTouch is going to "make all of your fantasies come true" (unless you've always fantasized about getting your dick caught in a coked-up Dust Buster), it looks like we're one step closer to those sexbots we've heard so much about. We're certainly closer to sex toys for men that women are going to feel like they have a hard time competing with. (I know, ladies, yes. But the internet isn't _technically_ a sex toy.)
Now, I haven't placed my cock in a RealTouch, so I'm not vouching for it. I'm also not remotely interested in trying out a first- generation RealTouch, because I don't want the thing going all _Westworld_ on me with my cock jammed inside it. (Readers under the age of 35 might want to ask someone over 35 to explain the _Westworld_ reference.) So please don't send me one, manufacturers. But anyone out there who has tried one and lived to tell the tale, I'd like to hear from you at [email protected].


----------



## tipsgnob (Jan 21, 2009)

Stoney McFried said:


> And hey...this isn't a sex story, but sound advice for any guys threatened by their woman's use of toys.From the stranger's savage love column.


*why would a guy be threatened by the use of toys....hell I recommend it....*


----------



## Stoney McFried (Jan 21, 2009)

Some guys are because they think it means they're inadequate.


tipsgnob said:


> *why would a guy be threatened by the use of toys....hell I recommend it....*


----------



## CanadianCoyote (Mar 27, 2009)

I chained a girl to the bed in her dorm after a night of wildness and then went to her classes in her absence. Took notes for her and everything... 

Ah, good times...


----------



## ALX420 (Mar 28, 2009)

i had sex with a chick at the top of this thing.
it's a piece of a street that is falling into the ocean.
great view.
great sex.


----------



## Stoney McFried (Mar 29, 2009)

If it were me, there'd have been a Great Fall.


ALX420 said:


> i had sex with a chick at the top of this thing.
> it's a piece of a street that is falling into the ocean.
> great view.
> great sex.


----------



## tipsgnob (Mar 29, 2009)

http://www.youtube.com/[youtube]_BAZgG9FMvg[/youtube]


----------



## ALX420 (Mar 29, 2009)

tipsgnob said:


> http://www.youtube.com/[youtube]_BAZgG9FMvg[/youtube]


excellent.
same girl gave it up in a few parks around town.
handcuffed to her grandmothers sofa, lots of ways.

it was the best of times...


----------



## 323cheezy (Jul 18, 2009)

Well i got a new one but it sucked..... but it was fuckin carazey 4sure.....
So my friend met this hot chick on craigslist.....So i figured since my friend could get ass on cl.... i should check it out.....
So after hours of replies from fake webcam chicks and prostitutes.... i finally found a legit hotttie.... i send her my picture and she wanted me too come ova.... mind you her add said "need three guys to bang today.....
So anyhow.... she confessed to me that she had this frat guys dorm to herself.... right by santa monica beach and if i could come over and "jizz on her head".... Yah it sounds nasty .... but i was fascinated at the thought.... so i end up getting there..... and i call her and she s..... oh just go in and the frat guy will be there.... So i get there and theres like three other guys there siting on the couch.... and a guy whos hosting the whole shabang.....so were sittin around and the host guy is giving us drink and food.... and then she shows...... now im gettin nervous thinking about all these other guy....and its kind of wierd cause i never banged a chick while others guy were banging the same girl.... so now im just getting all these paranoid thought. So homegirls pretty attractive and start gettin touchy feely wit one guy and starts takin off her clothes....

This is wherre it gets really wierd..... shes still in her bootyshorts but no brawl .... and starts tellin us she has this fantassi..... To punk a guy..... what ???? punk a guy i think whats that????.... she then explains that it turns her on too see a guy get cummed on (punked) and then she licks it off ..... wth! im thinking theres no way i can do that .... so long story short..... me and another guy are like im outta here.... but then she starts blowing one willing guy and wacking off the other....
and she say please dont leve just stay ...maybe youl change your mind.... So now im thinkin the dorm guy is gay.... which i should have know.... so me and the other dude go to the other end of the room and watch..... 

So this is where it gets horrible...

The girl starts tellin the dorm guy to help her blow these guys.... i dont know why im still there ..... 
So now the gay dudes blowing the guys while shes fingerbanginherself.... and shes telling the confussed looking guy that its okay she gonna bang whoever punks htis guy...... 

Bye this time im gone..... i couldn take it so i left before they nutted on the dorm guy.....

So i email her the next day ...and she say "oh you missed out" apparently they nutted on that guys head right after i left .... and she liked the whole thing up ...and banged both the remaining guy..... 
that probly the craziest shit ive ever seen.... im done wit cl.....


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## Louis541 (Jul 18, 2009)

LMAO! That's the type of shit you need to clear up in an email before hand. That's so fuckin gay.


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## 323cheezy (Jul 18, 2009)

Louis541 said:


> LMAO! That's the type of shit you need to clear up in an email before hand. That's so fuckin gay.


yeah man .... i was duped.....lol


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## Louis541 (Jul 19, 2009)

It could of been worse. I just found this on craigslist.

If you don&#65533;t know what a Realdoll is, either look it up or you should probably just move on. For those that are aware, I&#65533;ll give you the stats on my girl: Gabrielle has a Face 16, Body 5, she is about 4&#65533;10&#65533;, lighter skin tone, black hair, trimmed pubic hair, and 32 E breasts. She is a hottie in every sense of the word. 

If you are serious about this, we would like to hear from you. You must be respectful of both Gabrielle and myself. Neither of us have ever had a threesome before, so this will be new to both of us. Also, she isn&#65533;t the most cooperative girl as far as positioning goes &#65533; although she is tiny, she is quite heavy. Perhaps with another guy present, it would open up additional possibilities. I&#65533;m not as picky as she is, so it would probably help your chances if you addressed your messages to her She would love to hear your basic info and any thoughts/ideas for our threesome. She has several outfits she could wear for us.


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## PadawanBater (Jul 20, 2009)

Louis541 said:


> It could of been worse. I just found this on craigslist.
> 
> If you don&#65533;t know what a Realdoll is, either look it up or you should probably just move on. For those that are aware, I&#65533;ll give you the stats on my girl: Gabrielle has a Face 16, Body 5, she is about 4&#65533;10&#65533;, lighter skin tone, black hair, trimmed pubic hair, and 32 E breasts. She is a hottie in every sense of the word.
> 
> If you are serious about this, we would like to hear from you. You must be respectful of both Gabrielle and myself. Neither of us have ever had a threesome before, so this will be new to both of us. Also, she isn&#65533;t the most cooperative girl as far as positioning goes &#65533; although she is tiny, she is quite heavy. Perhaps with another guy present, it would open up additional possibilities. I&#65533;m not as picky as she is, so it would probably help your chances if you addressed your messages to her She would love to hear your basic info and any thoughts/ideas for our threesome. She has several outfits she could wear for us.


 
...so if I'm reading that right, a dude posted that in the hopes of luring another guy into a 3some with him and his fuck doll because it's too heavy to lift himself and get it into the fuck positions he wants?

lmfao!


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## MediMaryUser (Jul 20, 2009)

PadawanBater said:


> ...so if I'm reading that right, a dude posted that in the hopes of luring another guy into a 3some with him and his fuck doll because it's too heavy to lift himself and get it into the fuck positions he wants?
> 
> lmfao!



ahahhahhahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhaahahahah dude ahahha ahahhahahahah craigslist is funny i saw a 6 foot weed plant for sale in a 10 gallon pot for 500$


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## MediMaryUser (Jul 20, 2009)

323cheezy said:


> Well i got a new one but it sucked..... but it was fuckin carazey 4sure.....
> So my friend met this hot chick on craigslist.....So i figured since my friend could get ass on cl.... i should check it out.....
> So after hours of replies from fake webcam chicks and prostitutes.... i finally found a legit hotttie.... i send her my picture and she wanted me too come ova.... mind you her add said "need three guys to bang today.....
> So anyhow.... she confessed to me that she had this frat guys dorm to herself.... right by santa monica beach and if i could come over and "jizz on her head".... Yah it sounds nasty .... but i was fascinated at the thought.... so i end up getting there..... and i call her and she s..... oh just go in and the frat guy will be there.... So i get there and theres like three other guys there siting on the couch.... and a guy whos hosting the whole shabang.....so were sittin around and the host guy is giving us drink and food.... and then she shows...... now im gettin nervous thinking about all these other guy....and its kind of wierd cause i never banged a chick while others guy were banging the same girl.... so now im just getting all these paranoid thought. So homegirls pretty attractive and start gettin touchy feely wit one guy and starts takin off her clothes....
> ...



what the fuck wow lol holy funny shit


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## 323cheezy (Jul 20, 2009)

MediMaryUser said:


> what the fuck wow lol holy funny shit


true shit man.... 
everychick on cl has some kinda tweek....
That guy i know who met a chick took her out and then the next day .... they did it... but i met her a while back.... and she looked descent... but was a total retard.... reminded me of a chick from jerry springer...


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## Skateforlife6 (Jul 28, 2009)

Well mines not that crazy but its pretty cool i was dating this girl we had been going out for abut 3 months and we both had friends who were guys and girls but we both trusted each other so id been friends with this other girl who has a daughter and im friends with her little sister so the more i spent time with the girl that has a duaghter the more i started to really like her so one day i was watching a movie with her and her sister the movie finished her sister went and took a shower while her lil sis was in the shower the girl with the daughhter started to kiss me and started grabbing my junk i kinda didnt want to do it but i really liked her and she was really hot so we started doing it on the couch in her house and her sister comes back from showering and catches us doing it but she didn't do anything she just left and i finsish about 2 weeks later almost the same exact thing happens with the lil sister but eventully i left my GF and started dating the girl with the daughter and 4 weeks later i got her pregnant.


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## 323cheezy (Jul 28, 2009)

Skateforlife6 said:


> Well mines not that crazy but its pretty cool i was dating this girl we had been going out for abut 3 months and we both had friends who were guys and girls but we both trusted each other so id been friends with this other girl who has a daughter and im friends with her little sister so the more i spent time with the girl that has a duaghter the more i started to really like her so one day i was watching a movie with her and her sister the movie finished her sister went and took a shower while her lil sis was in the shower the girl with the daughhter started to kiss me and started grabbing my junk i kinda didnt want to do it but i really liked her and she was really hot so we started doing it on the couch in her house and her sister comes back from showering and catches us doing it but she didn't do anything she just left and i finsish about 2 weeks later almost the same exact thing happens with the lil sister but eventully i left my GF and started dating the girl with the daughter and 4 weeks later i got her pregnant.


your a manhewer.....


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## i grow everglades bud (Jul 29, 2009)

Skateforlife6 said:


> Well mines not that crazy but its pretty cool i was dating this girl we had been going out for abut 3 months and we both had friends who were guys and girls but we both trusted each other so id been friends with this other girl who has a daughter and im friends with her little sister so the more i spent time with the girl that has a duaghter the more i started to really like her so one day i was watching a movie with her and her sister the movie finished her sister went and took a shower while her lil sis was in the shower the girl with the daughhter started to kiss me and started grabbing my junk i kinda didnt want to do it but i really liked her and she was really hot so we started doing it on the couch in her house and her sister comes back from showering and catches us doing it but she didn't do anything she just left and i finsish about 2 weeks later almost the same exact thing happens with the lil sister but eventully i left my GF and started dating the girl with the daughter and 4 weeks later i got her pregnant.


 
 IDONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY??

WOW.... bro good luck with that shit and hope everything works out. HOPE ITS A BOY. one dick is easier to deal with than every dick in the city!!!!!!!! and this is for you you sound like you need it lmao


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## phil dabong (Aug 9, 2009)

_Never_ have anal sex after a fish dinner. 

Most people contract some form of food poisoning at least once a year. Most of the time the symptoms are mild, and can even be mistaken for a 24 hour flu bug. Other times, the symptoms are similar to one having a very bad case of the flu, but rarely do people ever need to go to the hospital for food poisoning. 

Just by its nature, the probability of contracting food poisoning from fish is always higher than most other foods. This is why, based on personal experience, I recommend that no one ever engage in anal sex after your date ate a large fish dinner. 

We hadn&#65533;t been dating that long, only about a month. Even though we'd only been dating a short time, we were having sex since the second date, and it was the best, freakiest, porno-style sex of my life. Seriously, this was the kind of sex that every man, deep down, dreams about having at least once in his life. It was the kind of sex that I had wished for ever since my voice started changing. It was with this woman, and only with this woman, that I was ever addressed with the phrase, &#65533;Use your whole fist for Christ&#65533;s sake.&#65533; 

On one now infamous date night, we were enjoying a romantic dinner at an upscale seafood restaurant. Through the entire meal, however, sex was all that was on our minds. In retrospect, every date we ever went on seemed to just be a temporary diversion from the best part of the night, which involved animalistic insertions, feral lickings and brazen misuse of food products. We emptied wine bottle after wine bottle over the course of the dinner, and by the time the main course arrived, fish for her and lobster for me, she slipped off her shoes and casually masturbated me under the table with her stocking covered feet. Completely plastered and horny by the end of the meal, we decided to skip dessert in the restaurant because a much sweeter dessert &#65533;was being prepared in her hot, wet crotch,&#65533; she said. I paid the bill and narrowly avoided getting a speeding ticket, not to mention a DUI, during the drive back to my place. 

By the time we got into my apartment, we were tearing each other&#65533;s clothes off. Sloppy in our drunkenness, we knocked over two lamps during our horny, groping journey into the bedroom. Once in the bed, she got down on all fours, arched her back, and presented her delicious ass to me. I grunted my approval while aiming my rock-hard cock missile at her hairy silo. When the head of my cock began to penetrate her lips, she stopped me. 

&#65533;No. In my ass,&#65533; she hissed at me, sounding both horny and angry at the same time. 
&#65533;Are you sure,&#65533; I asked? 
She giggled as she said, &#65533;If I could handle last night. . .&#65533; 
Oh yeah, I thought. Last night&#65533;s adventure involved a clown mask, three packets of Pop Rocks, and a twenty-inch replica of the Eiffel Tower. What the hell was I thinking? Of course she could handle some anal-action. She reached between her legs and began lubing up her asshole with her own pussy juices. Where did I find this girl? I thought. I was in horn-dog heaven. Blessed. Not being an expert in anal intrusion, I slowly eased my way into her lovely stink-star. First the head, then a quarter of the shaft, and soon I was buried to the hilt between her ass-cheeks. 

&#65533;Go slowly,&#65533; she said, half moaning, half panting in both pleasure and pain, I think. I did as she bid, and very slowly began pulling out, like a steam piston on an old locomotive beginning its first run in a century. Almost all the way out of her, but keeping the head firmly planted in her ass-iris, I slowly began inserting again. 

&#65533;Yeeeeees!&#65533; she moaned and began diddling her clit. Soon she said, &#65533;Faster.&#65533; So faster I went, the tempo increasing until the train was running at full speed, the piston pumping in and out so fast my cock became a complete blur, her hand rubbing her clit like she was trying to start a friction-fire in her pussy. 

&#65533;Gnnnnnnnah!&#65533; she screamed. Thinking she was close to orgasm, I pumped that ass even faster, faster than Amish meth-head churns butter. 
&#65533;Gnnnnnahstoooop,&#65533; she screamed, or something like this, because the noise in my head was drowning out the reality around me, for in my head I heard a steam locomotive, chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-Woo-Woo! Barreling down the tracks, and somehow I pumped even faster. 
&#65533;YES!&#65533; I screamed. 
She started reaching behind her and flailing on the bed in what I thought was ecstasy&#65533; 
&#65533;&#65533;Stop!&#65533; she screamed, able to finally get out the word I had mistaken for groans of ecstasy moments ago. She screamed this with such volume and guttural, primal force that it had the effect of pulling the emergency brake on a 100,000 pound locomotive running at full speed. The sex act squealed to a halt, and I pulled my cock out of her ass like the rip-cord on a parachute. Did someone order champagne? No, that popping noise was my cock coming out of her ass. 
&#65533;Arrrrrrgh!&#65533; She screamed, as I yanked my cock free. And then it happened. 
Immediately after my cock popped out, I was sprayed from belly to thighs with watery, fish-smelling diarrhea. 
&#65533;What the&#65533;-?&#65533; I said, not able to get the word &#65533;fuck&#65533; out of my mouth because of my shock at the brown funk lining my body. As she sprayed me, she seemed to be propelled forward by the force of the jet-propelled diarrhea, and she collapsed onto her stomach. 
&#65533;Oh. My. Fucking. God.&#65533; I murmured, completely shell-shocked. Everything was still. I could hear my wind-up alarm clock ticking on my dresser. I stared at my shit-covered body. I surveyed the room to see if there was any collateral damage. The trajectory of the diarrhea spray was similar to buck-shot in a sawed-off shotgun; it was everywhere. Unfortunately, during the sex act she had been facing the feet-side of the bed, which meant that the headboard, my bedside table and lamp had poop on them as well. Even my bedside clock had a few speckles staining its face. The bed sheets: Killed in Action. A total loss. 

I looked at my date, lying there motionless. I called her name. No response. I called her name while shaking her a bit. Nothing. Fear shot through me, as I thought, &#65533;Oh my god, what if she&#65533;s dead?&#65533; But this fear quickly dissipated when I heard her snoring. She was passed out from the wine. I on the other hand was no longer blasted drunk, because the blast from her ass rendered me completely sober. This night was definitely going down in the (ahem) annals as the all time worst date of my life. In fact, I had to invent a new special category, &#65533;Even the Devil would feel sympathetic,&#65533; to describe this night. 

I cleaned up. I cleaned her up. I cleaned the headboard, the dresser, the lamp and the clock. With some manipulation of her passed out body, I was able to wrangle the sheets from the bed and throw them down the garbage chute. By two in the morning, I found myself lying on my couch, drinking Jack Daniels from the bottle. I don&#65533;t remember passing out myself, but I can say that unconsciousness didn&#65533;t come soon enough. 

&#65533;It was food poisoning,&#65533; her voicemail message explained to me the next day. After some silence, she added, &#65533;The fish.&#65533; More silence. &#65533;Sorry.&#65533; She left this message the following day, around 2:00 p.m. I had slept until Noon, and, thank God, she was gone when I woke up. How do you face that? She never called me again. I never called her. I definitely learned two valuable lessons that night: 1) Never have anal sex after a sea food dinner. 2) Be careful what you wish for. There&#65533;s only one other experience in my life that entered into the &#65533;Even the Devil would feel sympathetic&#65533; category, and frankly I don&#65533;t know if I&#65533;ll ever be able to tell that story. Let&#65533;s just say that the morning after a great one-night-stand, the beautiful woman you banged the night before can certainly use your bathroom. . .but she shouldn&#65533;t be more comfortable standing up while she pees.


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## InThEwOoDs (Aug 9, 2009)

Me andmy recently ex-girlfriend (in rehab now for roxys, found out she was doing them behind my back) snuck out onto our local pier in the middle of the night. We smoked a nice fat blunt of miami haze and fu**ed against the railing way out on the end. One of the maaany strange places we burned n' banged while we dated!


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## 323cheezy (Aug 9, 2009)

phil dabong said:


> _Never_ have anal sex after a fish dinner.
> 
> Most people contract some form of food poisoning at least once a year. Most of the time the symptoms are mild, and can even be mistaken for a 24 hour flu bug. Other times, the symptoms are similar to one having a very bad case of the flu, but rarely do people ever need to go to the hospital for food poisoning.
> 
> ...


wow man! 
i was gonna quote some parts ... but the whole thing was great ...
i know exactly what tyype of sex your talkin about....
ive had amazing sex with a couple of old acquantances ...
and this one girl utterly blew my mind.....
i still have amazing sex with my gf now...
but i remember that dirty nasty , just met the girl, second date sex....
sorry it ended that way ....
but all great sex comes too an end till you meet a new one....
great metaphors .... your a great writer


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## Cannabolic (Aug 10, 2009)

ok im gunna be real honest with you guys so if this gets too graphic im sorry, but things get crazy when i have sex. well there was this one time with my girl,(she's a nymph forreal!!!) we were messing around, and we did the 69 and i was going hard with it. i started fingering her in the position, and i'll admit i love licking her asshole lmao. anyway, i was fingering her while i was tossin her salad and out of know where she blasts me in the face with what i thought was piss. and i get so grossed out, i start feeling like im gunna throw up and i go WTF!!!!!!!!!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????? and she thinks she pissed on me. and she is all embarassed, she starts crying, and then we realized it wassnt piss, she squirted for the first time. lol and now she does it all the time. its so bad that my water bill is kinda high because i have to wash my sheets almost every day but hey, what can ya do?


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## Cannabolic (Aug 10, 2009)

phil dabong said:


> _Never_ have anal sex after a fish dinner.
> 
> Most people contract some form of food poisoning at least once a year. Most of the time the symptoms are mild, and can even be mistaken for a 24 hour flu bug. Other times, the symptoms are similar to one having a very bad case of the flu, but rarely do people ever need to go to the hospital for food poisoning.
> 
> ...


 .......................................LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit (no pun intended) r u serious!!!? your reaction reminde dme of when i thought i got my face pissed on, you were probubly shaking with your moth open, and your hands open like your looking at your palms right? omg im sorry man, you should call her up give it another go, she sounds like a freak, plus i dont know what you did with the eiffle tower but it was most likely somthing you'd wanna do again right? give her a call man, you should leave that SHIT in the past......................lmao


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## smokinmayne (Aug 10, 2009)

U never go ass to mouth


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## fried at 420 (Aug 10, 2009)

lol wen i was younger like 8
i used to always get payper view and watched spice channel and anything boobs
my mom caught me one day the bill was like $500 lol
my first experience was wen i was 9 i was about 2 fuck a 10year old named amanda
i was wonderin how it worked
of course i was young couldent even get it up
so she just sucked my balls and i ate her out lol

good times.


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## Cap K (Aug 10, 2009)

Bout motherfucking time somebody strated this thread! Anyway real talk for ya'll I used to fuck one of my homeboys ex- girls from back in the day. Long story short she was sniffing around me, tripped and landed on my cock. Honestly the only thing holding her back from giving me the pussy was the fact that she was scared about it getting back to my boy. So I reassured her that I was'nt gonna say anything and next thing you know we're fuckin. So we had gotten busy a few times at which point I told my homeboy the deal (bros before ho's). He appreciated my honesty, but started confronting her about it and of course she tried to lie her ass off cause she aint wanna burn the bridge with him. Next thing she's calling me trying to regulate, but I staightened her out real good and let her know that I thought she was a whore so I trated her that way and she was happy to oblige. Went on to say that we aint friends "whore" and If you come to my house you're gonna fuck me or go home cause we aint friends. So I'm thinking that's the end of that, no couple days later she calls me wants to come by. Anyway we get to fucking and she starts saying so you think I'm a whore hunh? Call me a whore! I happily complied, but then I'm like na lemme hear you call yourself a whore. Ladies and gentlement I shit you not I had this girls legs in the air listening to her call herself a whore! The shit I pull out of em sometimes!


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## Cannabolic (Aug 10, 2009)

smokinmayne said:


> U never go ass to mouth


 Clerks 2 lol. na actually any girl will tell you it drives them crazy. just make sure she took a shower right befor.


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## jfgordon1 (Aug 10, 2009)

Cannabolic said:


> Clerks 2 lol. na actually any girl will tell you it drives them crazy. just make sure she took a shower right befor.


your a better man than I 

So where do you draw the line ? lol


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## Cap K (Aug 10, 2009)

jfgordon1 said:


> your a better man than I
> 
> So where do you draw the line ? lol


Your avatar is tight work my dude!


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## Cannabolic (Aug 10, 2009)

jfgordon1 said:


> your a better man than I
> 
> So where do you draw the line ? lol


 

her licking my asshole lmao


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## Cannabolic (Aug 10, 2009)

Cap K said:


> Bout motherfucking time somebody strated this thread! Anyway real talk for ya'll I used to fuck one of my homeboys ex- girls from back in the day. Long story short she was sniffing around me, tripped and landed on my cock. Honestly the only thing holding her back from giving me the pussy was the fact that she was scared about it getting back to my boy. So I reassured her that I was'nt gonna say anything and next thing you know we're fuckin. So we had gotten busy a few times at which point I told my homeboy the deal (bros before ho's). He appreciated my honesty, but started confronting her about it and of course she tried to lie her ass off cause she aint wanna burn the bridge with him. Next thing she's calling me trying to regulate, but I staightened her out real good and let her know that I thought she was a whore so I trated her that way and she was happy to oblige. Went on to say that we aint friends "whore" and If you come to my house you're gonna fuck me or go home cause we aint friends. So I'm thinking that's the end of that, no couple days later she calls me wants to come by. Anyway we get to fucking and she starts saying so you think I'm a whore hunh? Call me a whore! I happily complied, but then I'm like na lemme hear you call yourself a whore. Ladies and gentlement I shit you not I had this girls legs in the air listening to her call herself a whore! The shit I pull out of em sometimes!


 lol good shit...........


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## Anonymiss1969 (Aug 10, 2009)

phil dabong said:


> _Never_ have anal sex after a fish dinner.
> 
> Most people contract some form of food poisoning at least once a year. Most of the time the symptoms are mild, and can even be mistaken for a 24 hour flu bug. Other times, the symptoms are similar to one having a very bad case of the flu, but rarely do people ever need to go to the hospital for food poisoning.
> 
> ...


Wow... I feel for ya. Damn.


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## fried at 420 (Aug 10, 2009)

Cap K said:


> Bout motherfucking time somebody strated this thread! Anyway real talk for ya'll I used to fuck one of my homeboys ex- girls from back in the day. Long story short she was sniffing around me, tripped and landed on my cock. Honestly the only thing holding her back from giving me the pussy was the fact that she was scared about it getting back to my boy. So I reassured her that I was'nt gonna say anything and next thing you know we're fuckin. So we had gotten busy a few times at which point I told my homeboy the deal (bros before ho's). He appreciated my honesty, but started confronting her about it and of course she tried to lie her ass off cause she aint wanna burn the bridge with him. Next thing she's calling me trying to regulate, but I staightened her out real good and let her know that I thought she was a whore so I trated her that way and she was happy to oblige. Went on to say that we aint friends "whore" and If you come to my house you're gonna fuck me or go home cause we aint friends. So I'm thinking that's the end of that, no couple days later she calls me wants to come by. Anyway we get to fucking and she starts saying so you think I'm a whore hunh? Call me a whore! I happily complied, but then I'm like na lemme hear you call yourself a whore. Ladies and gentlement I shit you not I had this girls legs in the air listening to her call herself a whore! The shit I pull out of em sometimes!


 wow cap yer fucked
lol u sick bastard!


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## Dr. Bluntenstien (Aug 12, 2009)

one time i was seven and had sex with my friends little sister who was 6 but it was fucked cuz we didnt know wtf to do


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## Cap K (Aug 14, 2009)

fried at 420 said:


> wow cap yer fucked
> lol u sick bastard!


I know, somebody stop me! hehehe


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## i grow everglades bud (Aug 15, 2009)

lmao this thread is gettin good but my favorite story so far is the fish dinner lmao


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## northwoodsmoker (Aug 15, 2009)

No sex stories for me to tell.. Dont kiss n tell but i can say that im a nympho..for a chick that is.....


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## coolio069 (Aug 15, 2009)

wow this is pretty cool


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## Riles (Sep 26, 2009)

Okay so I have one. One time when I was 13 or 14 me and my bro and our friend-who was a guy, both of them were 15 or 16 went to the movies. Scary Movie, either 2 or 3, my bro drove us so it was just us 3 so me and our friend burned a couple bowls on the way to theater and then when we got to theater playing the movie, we were the only people in the room! So me and our friend were like what the hell, let's smoke some more. So we smoked like 5 more bowls and it was almost to the end of the movie and my friend leaned over and was like will you give me a blow job? We'd already had sex, (we lost our virginity to each other in my bed) so I was like yeah but not here bcuz my bro was sittin right there and he was like meet me in the bathroom. So I got up and left the movie room and went into the guys bathroom and locked myself into the stall. About a minute later I hear the door open and then someone is knocking on the stall door. I open it up and there's my friend, grinning like a m'f'. He comes in and shuts the door and stands against it while I get down in front of him and suck him off. He tried to push my head out of the way so he could come in the toilet but I still had my mouth on him so some of it went in my mouth (not an issue so I'm not sure why he was moving my head) and the rest of it got in my hair. He started to pull his pants up but I was mad bcuz he had jizzed in my hair so I told him he had to give me something so we switched spots and he banged me from behind. We cleaned ourselves up and then he walked out of the bathroom and I followed him. 

Not really the same story, but one connected to this. One day me and my bro had went to this friends house. He had 2 younger brother and sister and an older brother, 19. I don't know what the deal was but evidently he had told his brother about what we had been doing and his bro decided he wanted some too. So he got the younger kids riled up into playing hide and seek and got them to talk their other brother and me into playing with them so we were playing hide and seek, I forget who was it but my friend's brother offered to hide with me so I said sure. They live out in a rural area and they own a lot of property so there were a lot of sheds and small buildings so we went into one of those and he told me to get into the corner. I did and he came and stood in front of me. At first he just stood there and then he bent forward and kissed me and then he started to feel me up, it was unexpected but I was cool with it so I let him push my pants down and finger me and he told me to take his dick out and jerk him off so I did. He had just cum into my hand when we heard someone coming up outside so he pulled my pants up real quick and wiped my hand on his stomach. 

Good times, I have more, I just have to remember them.


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## leeny (Sep 27, 2009)

^^^ ahahaha this one cracked me up-awesome dude!!


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## 323cheezy (Sep 27, 2009)

This thread lives on ....
i havnt had any new stories.... 
but since im the propieter of this thread ill repost my own.... enjoy



323cheezy said:


> okay welll i got a new one....an oldie but goodie( i was 16)....its not that craze but its a classsic...and one of the best experiences ive ever had....
> 
> So im at my gf's house, her parents are gone for vay kay....so shes throwing a party ..but i dont really like her friends ....so i decide to go to her parents rooom and pass out.....oh by the way she was half white and half hawwiian......
> so theyre all getting driunk and partying and im past out upstair in the parewnts room.....
> ...


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## MediMaryUser (Sep 27, 2009)

ewwwwwwww that fish shit was blah


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## redivider (Sep 27, 2009)

i got a crazy sex story, it was my b-day and we were at this club.... we had been playing circle of death before and were preeetty hamered by this time...

so i'm with this girl and she's like it's "ur birthay aint it?, go to the 2nd girls b/r in 5 minutes." so i did and i ended up fuckin this girl over the sink in the girls bathroom inside this rather posh and expensive club on my birthday. needless to say i didn't ask her for her number, never talked to her again. 

another cool story: i was gettin a bj in a hot tub where I used to live, the stairs leading down to the hot tub were behind me (kinda the neighborhood pool), i was looking towards the woods. i then pull this girls panties down and start fukin her from behind and when i turn around there's a realtor standing on top the stairs, giving some people a tour of the neighborhood, showing them the pool and jacuzzi, basically staring at my ass and this bottomless girl moaning.......

good times....


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## 323cheezy (Sep 27, 2009)

alvin.blazed.420 said:


> Ok so last year during memorial weekend me my best friends and one of my friends family decided to go to new braunfels I dont know if any of yall know where that is but its in texas and its a river where people go and get drunk and partybut every night they had dj asmathic come and throw like a ravei was at the party dancing with a girl with the biggest bottle of jack they make in my handi was really drunk when the lil party ended so i walked back to our tent where my friends mom is laying...she is really hot for her age 39 and has fake boobs so she is all the more atractive but i laid down in the tent and she like rolled over and put her arm around me and lol skip some time haha i fingered my best friends mom haha major age difference and the next day i wanted to say something to her but it was way to awkard so we just never said anything about it hahahaha i still have never told my bestfriends the story...you know lol dont want to start anythign


That reminds me off this time wen i used to go downtown.... to this girls house ....who we went to school with ....
me and 3 of my friend went to drink at her house after skipping school....
long story short.... i endud up drinking so much i passed out.. i was only 16 or 17...
i passed out at about 5 or 6pm....
my friends just left without me.....

so i wake up in the middle of the night at like 1 or 2am ....
and the girl that im goinmg to school with ... who i kinda like and thinks hot.... little sister is pumping my dick with her hand....
shes only like 15 .... about 2 yrs younger than me.....
shes not as attractive as the sister ...(short hair blonde.... was like gi jane)
but i figured id lett her have fun with my tools....

then all the sudden she realizes im awake and stops...

So i guesss i was raped by a 15yr old...

i never came.. but it was good for like 3minutes..... lord knows what she did to me when i was sleeping....

Funny part is wen i woke... in the mourning..... the girl ,her sister , and the mom made me breakfast and then dropped me off...

i never told anyone this.... and never talked to the sister again....lol


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## leeny (Sep 27, 2009)

alvin.blazed.420 said:


> Ok so last year during memorial weekend me my best friends and one of my friends family decided to go to new braunfels I dont know if any of yall know where that is but its in texas and its a river where people go and get drunk and partybut every night they had dj asmathic come and throw like a ravei was at the party dancing with a girl with the biggest bottle of jack they make in my handi was really drunk when the lil party ended so i walked back to our tent where my friends mom is laying...she is really hot for her age 39 and has fake boobs so she is all the more atractive but i laid down in the tent and she like rolled over and put her arm around me and lol skip some time haha i fingered my best friends mom haha major age difference and the next day i wanted to say something to her but it was way to awkard so we just never said anything about it hahahaha i still have never told my bestfriends the story...you know lol dont want to start anythign


.lol Stifflers mom? 
way to go bro....

ok this one's bad, but i don't care 

so It's a saturday or sunday night and I'm all ready to party. Got on a hot new dress two HUGE bottles of cheap ass wine and I'm headed to my best friends house... well she lives with like 2 guy roommates and their friend comes over all the time..

well im throwed by the time i get there and they're chillin' ... we all decide to just stay in get real drunk and high and just play some music. (I'm still convinced they were conspiring against me  )

so we smoke/drink and my BF and her boyfriend passout. I go out on the balcony and well I blow one guy, we smoke a cig, and then I go into one of the bedrooms to lay down. that guys best friend was in the bed next to me.. lol. I blow him twice. it's fucking 4 in the am and I have to work the next morning. shit. then I go home, and question how many bj's in one night to friends = whore?? lmao... funny fucking night


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## 323cheezy (Sep 27, 2009)

leeny said:


> .lol Stifflers mom?
> way to go bro....
> 
> ok this one's bad, but i don't care
> ...


can i have your number....lol...sereiously
god bless chicks like you...
this shit nevar happens to me....
getting blown by unusual woman...
i usually have to work for it...

on the bad side it makes me wonder if my gf would ever do this ....
i think shes faithfull but who knows....

what inspired u to blow all these guys????


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## leeny (Sep 27, 2009)

well mr.cheeze, I think since they were my friends I just really loved them and I love giving bj's. 
it's like that old hippie notion of sex not being bad it's just pleasure, and if you can trust the people your around
than fucking go for it.
but the next day I told my bf and apparently it's not as bad as sleeping with two guys in one night! lol

and yeah I don't have a boyfriend... otherwise it would be different- I would always tell the person I'm truely with 
what I was doing, and that person would probably have to be okay with the fact that
I fall in love with lots of people. 

you and your girl will be cool as long as you both are truthful and can handle the truth


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## 323cheezy (Sep 27, 2009)

leeny said:


> well mr.cheeze, I think since they were my friends I just really loved them and I love giving bj's.
> it's like that old hippie notion of sex not being bad it's just pleasure, and if you can trust the people your around
> than fucking go for it.
> but the next day I told my bf and apparently it's not as bad as sleeping with two guys in one night! lol
> ...


no wonder u dont have a boyfriend ...
cause u told em you blew two guys....lols

I couldnt handle the notion of my girls blowing two guys ... id probly would leave her...

Im no one to talk tho... 
cause i cheated on my gf n the past ..
i told her ... she was mad but somehow were still together....
i guess im a hipacritasizer...


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## leeny (Sep 27, 2009)

that's cool we're all hypocrites I think


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## PadawanBater (Sep 27, 2009)

leeny said:


> well mr.cheeze, I think since they were my friends I just really loved them and I love giving bj's.
> it's like that old hippie notion of sex not being bad it's just pleasure, and if you can trust the people your around
> than fucking go for it.
> but the next day I told my bf and apparently it's not as bad as sleeping with two guys in one night! lol
> ...


 
Were you the one to innitiate it "hey, want a blowjob?" or were they "hey, can I have a blowjob?"

Also, was this the first time having a sexual encounter with both people? 

Interesting situation, I kinda agree with your philosophy, though I've never put it into active practice.


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## poopmaster (Sep 27, 2009)

Damn lenny, that's fucking hot.

I was dating this high school senior and I was 19. She blew a co-worker and we broke up. Later I took her back and told her I wanted to see her with another guy. Holy shit did things get out of control after that. I probably saw her get fucked like 5 times and suck like 20 dicks ... this is total from when we got back together 'til we split. Big as swinger parties in Tampa and stuff. Totally wild. She's married with kids now, though I occasionally wonder if she's still a super slut.


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## Riles (Sep 27, 2009)

I got another one. This one night I was over at some friends' house. It was 3 of 'em, 2 guys and a girl who was dating 1 of the guys. I worked with the girl and the guy who wasn't dating the girl. Well it was pay day and between the 3 of us and 1 other friend we got a lb and a half and then we went to the l store and got a bunch of shit. So we're chillin at the crib, smokin and drinkin and playin music. Well, I started out drinking beer and then after a few beers I was wanted to fire things up so I started flirting with this 1 guy, and I told him that I would match him shot for shot and drink for drink. Basically telling him without saying it that I wanted to screw. Lol, its so funny to think about. But anyways, he was like bet so he jumped up and took a HUGE swig from the vodka bottle and I'm sittin there like dang this dude is serious. But I done said I was game so I grabbed the bottle out of his hand and swallowed like 2 shots, and then he mixed a crown and coke in a 24 oz cup with like more than half of it being crown and we each drank half and then I was too throwed so I was like lets smoke a blunt. While we was rolling the blunt I mixed some vodka and red bull in a coffee cup, about half and half and we split that while we was smoking. After that we had some more beer. I'm not much of a drinker, more of a smoker, but I'm both drunk and high off my ass and we're all just chillin, having a cig. I'm sitting on the couch in between the 2 guys and the girl is over in this reclining chair. I'm drunk and leaning all over the guy I was flirting with, sort of feeling him up and he puts his arm around me and starts doing the same. We're all just talkin and all of a sudden, this girl's bf starts to hit on me. Asking stuff like, "Are you drunk enough to fuk me yet?" and askin about if I was shaved and what my favorite position was. I don't know, I just sort of laughed at him, and answered a few of his questions and then his girl starts TRIPPIN on him! I'm sitting over here just chillin, and the dude I'm leaning on pulls me onto his lap with my back to his chest and he starts humpin me but now I am sort of trippin cuz I don't wanna fuk this dude with them 2 over there arguing so I get up and we go down to his bedroom and we basically start going at it as soon as we get the door shut. We've only been going at it for 15 minutes or so (didn't seem like a very long time) and one of them starts knockin at the door. We're like you have to be kidding. So we ignore them and go back to screwing cuz we're not all that messed up about it. Then whoever it is knoks again and then opens the door! There had been some disrobing (I think I had my shirt off and my pants, and he only had a shirt) so we're like what the crap? We look up and it's the guy and he was like my girl left, and I went "where?", and he was like "down to the gas station" (just down the road, no car so she was walking and she would be back in like 30 mins). I was like oh and am all set to go back to doing this dude and then the guy was like "will you give me a blow job, cause she said she wasn't giving me none tonight" I was like "whatever man just get out" so he left the room and I finally get to go bak to what we were doing and then after a few minutes the guy I was screwing was like, "will you do a 3-some with the both of us?" At this point I am so horny and drunk and tired of being interupted and I really just want to cum so I was like yeah. To make this long story short, I did indeed end up doing both of them and the each got a blow job, but I was so horny from it that after the girls bf went to get cleaned up, I ended up going down on the other guy again. Alot. I slept in his bed that night and it seems like I gave him head at least once an hour. The girl came bak and gave the guy some so we had to sit there and listen to it so we ended up going at it again before the night was over. That was one of the longest nights, but only cuz we didn't go to sleep.  I wish I could have another night like that.


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## jsteezy1290 (Sep 27, 2009)

if my girl blew 2 of my friends she would have no teeth and neither would my friends, thats trashy and grimey as hell imo


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## Riles (Sep 27, 2009)

I slept with one of my ex's boys who was one of mine too. Like when we first had sex, my ex was locked up and we were just talkin and weren't together yet and I didn't know they were homeboys or anything or that I was going over to my ex's momma's house with his homeboy while he was locked up, homeboy was their hookup. Then he got out and we made it official so me and the other guy stopped, cuz I knew my bf would beat my ass and that my homeboy would always be bro's before ho's so I wasn't going to risk it. But me and him broke up and like the next day my homeboy was calling like "can we take a ride?" Lol. Never cheated, though I was a cheatee once. Or whatever you call out. One of my homegirls was pregnant and I was pretty much there for her from 5 mos til birth. Smoked her out, bought her cigs, gave her money. When we first started kicking it her bf was locked up and then he got out and we all 3 started kickin it. I was better with the homeboys so a lot of times dude would bring me along when he went places and we got to be tight. Homegirl was saying he was the baby daddy but that it was only bcuz he was the most likely out of 3 possibilities (it turned out to be another dude's kid) but dude told me that he was sure that wasn't his kid. 2 or 3 days after the baby was born, I get a call from my homegirls # but I missed the call and then I get a couple txt messages. I finally responded and he was like its me, not my girl and i was like whats up and he was like can you meet me and i was like but he wouldn't tell me so met him at his old apartmart complex and got into his suv and right off the bat he grabbed his junk and was like I'm so horny and she been pregnant and won't give me none (even though he slept around the whole time) and she can't have sex for 6 weeks and I think you're cute and I wanna fuk your brains out. I thought dude was kidding but he convinced me he was serious so we climbed into the bak cuz there was a lot of room, he wanted me to blow him first and then we had sex and then he was like I'm gonna eat my cum outta you and I was like this dude a freak bcuz it was the first time I had ever let a dude eat me out. But I drove home with this stupid grin on my face and to this day aint told my homegirl that I fuked her dude while they were still together and he aint either.


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## Iron Lion Zion (Sep 28, 2009)

iamthatguy said:


> lol I have a similar but worse .....
> 
> So my dads date brings her daughter over and my dads tells me to take her out so he can have some time alone with his date ...... She is pretty hot but its just a weird situation soooo.......... I end up taking her out and actually having a good time. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex............. Anyway you know why he asked me to take her out .... He wanted to propose to the lady ...... so needless to say the chick I had sex with ...... well ya she is now my sister ........... lol


Greatest Story Ever.


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## smokinmayne (Sep 28, 2009)

jsteezy1290 said:


> if my girl blew 2 of my friends she would have no teeth and neither would my friends, thats trashy and grimey as hell imo


word
That's nasty As fuck


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## leeny (Sep 28, 2009)

PadawanBater said:


> Were you the one to innitiate it "hey, want a blowjob?" or were they "hey, can I have a blowjob?"
> 
> Also, was this the first time having a sexual encounter with both people?
> 
> Interesting situation, I kinda agree with your philosophy, though I've never put it into active practice.


yeah dude I def didn't initiate it, and the first guy I had been flirting with for a while so that one wasn't that weird, the other guy was just one of my friends


jsteezy1290 said:


> if my girl blew 2 of my friends she would have no teeth and neither would my friends, thats trashy and grimey as hell imo


I've said I'm a slut before, but I never have a boyfriend when I do these things, and I don't use the word " slut" in a bad connotation


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## Radiate (Sep 28, 2009)

The stories not mine but I'll tell it anyways.....





A buddy of mine and his girl went to a restaraunt that was big on chicken wings and such. My buddy is real big on hot sauce, so he ordered the hottest sauce they had. Long story short, he and his lady got into that night and when he went down on her.......... he set her world on FIRE!!!


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## chitownsmoking (Sep 28, 2009)

leeny gives that make your toes curl derb huh girl?


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## PadawanBater (Sep 28, 2009)

leeny said:


> I've said I'm a slut before, but I never have a boyfriend when I do these things, and I don't use the word " slut" in a bad connotation


 
My kind of chick. Good to see there are some ladies out there who understand the dynamics of reality...


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## 323cheezy (Sep 28, 2009)

leeny said:


> yeah dude I def didn't initiate it, and the first guy I had been flirting with for a while so that one wasn't that weird, the other guy was just one of my friends
> 
> I've said I'm a slut before, but I never have a boyfriend when I do these things, and I don't use the word " slut" in a bad connotation


you should right a book ...lol
i think your my new hero.....

altho i would love a thousand word essay on that night... with all the juicy details....you can pm it or post it.....hehe...

there needs to be more gals like leeny...

I dont think your a slut...
you just know how to have a good time..


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## greengrowthexpert (Sep 29, 2009)

Welll. These are all great stories and I guess ill throw my 2 cents in. I was like 16? So young I barely even remember it, And I was at my girlfriends house. I just got my car, And I was fucking happy. It was actually a pretty nice car, Because of course I worked my ass off for it since I was like 12. Well, My girlfriend lived on the ocean and I lived in the other town over, But to tell you the truth it was about a 5 minute drive from my house to hers. I went to her house, And from her room there's a big balcony. We went out there, Began to kiss pationatley, And it felt really romantic and I was loving it, And she was so cute. ( I don't use hot, I use cute, Girl's tend to like that =] ) So I began to kiss her neck blah blah blah...

And we began to have sex on this fold chair, All of the fucking sudden her mom, Dad and little brother pop out of the damn door WITH COOKIES and were like "WANT SOME COOKIES" And of course I jumped the fucked up like a mad man ready to jump and the chair like folded up on my girl! I was like oh fuck! I was still trying to put some clothes on! My dick was hard as a rock and it was so wet and the mom dad and brother were just like "We can bring cookies back in a hour or so" And I go "Maybe wait 2 hours I want to teach her something new" and they all went inside. It was fucking hilarious. Guess what... I married that girl =]


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## smoker toker (Oct 4, 2009)

lmfao... that's hilarious....

Well my story is pretty simple, but somewhat funny nonetheless. Me and my girl, was just a normal night like always.. in our bedroom, in our bed... decided to get it on... So I'm on top.. doin my thing, and I'm kinda goin like a fuckin jack-rabbit and.. I could SWORN we were in the middle of the bed, but when I pulled out and went to roll over so she could get on top I ended up rolling off the fucking bed. I was stunned like a deer in the headlights of a car for like 10 seconds. Bruised my fucking ass on my laptop I landed on and looked around the room going "What the fuck? I thought the bed was there!" My girl was laughing her ass off for 5 minutes straight... I'm not so quick to roll over now.. haha

 Smoker Toker


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## Permabuzz (Oct 4, 2009)

i had sex in the back of a public bus before.. mostly everyone else was seated up front and i jus sat on my bf's d**k and rode it the whole time on the bus lol..

>>tht same day i gave him a bj at tht bus stop lol 

>>>we had also done it earlier tht day in the parking lot of our workplace before going to the busstop lol

>>>>we also went home and did it some more later in the day.. it was a good day lol


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## jackdirty (Oct 4, 2009)

i fuck my buddy's 50 year old mom who grows bud so after i fucked her guts she gave me a sack and i went on my way i sometimes wish i would have stayede a little longer


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## MediMaryUser (Oct 4, 2009)

hewaspluggingsluts said:


> So one night when I was seventeen I went to my friends house. He wasnt home yet so I walked to the house next door because i was friends with the kid who lived there also(but I didnt know him very well yet).The kid that lived there is named emmet and he was having a family party that night. all his women relatives were sloppy drunk and stinky. Aunts and female cousins generally middle aged and beyond. So i'm sitting there in this house while these crazy drunk bitches are dancing and fallingall over the place and i'm just waiting for my other friend to get home so i can leave. While i'm sitting there i notice emmet is gone. he was standing right beside me a minute ago. i was not going to be left alone in that horrible place so i went to look for him. i walk around the house nothing. cross the living room where the slutty wrinkle maidens danced again. no emmet. so i walk upstairs.... the second bedroom to the left is his bedroom and the door is just barely cracked and the light is off but i hear something. not sure what but voices. I do not want to be alone so i peak into the door. i cant see anything so i push it open a little more little by little until I saw it.... there was emmet(remember i dont know him that well i met him about a week before) on his bed with his thirty something,sixfoot plus, COUSIN squatting over him with his face in her butt. ok this "cousin" is no ordinary cousin. picture a large pear shaped body. white skin. jagged teeth. pretty short black hair and some bushy ass eyebrows. yes. extremely bushy brows. and the worst part is....before i turned away i caught a glance of the ugly ass bitch PISSING and (i know i heard a fart) on fucking emmet! while he was nose deep in her brown eye. I got the hell out of there and just went home. I know this is kinda out there but believe me its something i'll never forget. I didnt give a fuck about keeping it to myself so i told a bunch of my friends at school afterwards and word got to emmet that i was saying shit and he approached me and was like, "DUDE it was my second cousin man!". and i just turned around and walked away from him. moral of the story.. never judge a book by its cover?



i think i smell bullshit. if its fake or real smells shitty lol


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## Skateforlife6 (Oct 7, 2009)

Well I missed alot, Some of this stuff is insane we've got alot or crazy people on here.
So i haven't had any crazy crazy thing happen to me. I've only been with this 1 girl for like 7 mouths now. but lemme tell ya shes a nympho!!!!!!!!!
but Now is the 4th mouth of pregnancy with my girl. But man ill try to remember some of theme crazy stories from awhile back.
If you wanna hear some real crazy stories lets talk about sex with prego girls? has anyone done that?


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## FuZZyBUDz (Oct 7, 2009)

Skateforlife6 said:


> Well I missed alot, Some of this stuff is insane we've got alot or crazy people on here.
> So i haven't had any crazy crazy thing happen to me. I've only been with this 1 girl for like 7 mouths now. but lemme tell ya shes a nympho!!!!!!!!!
> but Now is the 4th mouth of pregnancy with my girl. But man ill try to remember some of theme crazy stories from awhile back.
> If you wanna hear some real crazy stories lets talk about sex with prego girls? has anyone done that?


 

.....naw!!!!!!!!!.....how..uu.. is it tho?


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## AKDrifter (Oct 7, 2009)

> but Now is the 4th mouth of pregnancy with my girl. But man ill try to remember some of theme crazy stories from awhile back.
> If you wanna hear some real crazy stories lets talk about sex with prego girls? has anyone done that?


 Smoke a fatty and rent the movie "Knocked up". I have been there myself, have a couple little ones. That movie just about sums it up, I nearly pissed myself watching that one.

Its all good now, give it a couple months bro ..hea haaa 

Congrats on the upcoming little one.


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## Skateforlife6 (Oct 7, 2009)

well prego sex isnt that gross its just a lil awkward but wats more awkward is when my girls lil daughter comes in and says what are u guys doing and your like a deer in head lights like uhhhhh?
well heck when anyone walks in on you no matter what age its awkward.


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## luckydog82 (Oct 7, 2009)

Skateforlife6 said:


> Well I missed alot, Some of this stuff is insane we've got alot or crazy people on here.
> So i haven't had any crazy crazy thing happen to me. I've only been with this 1 girl for like 7 mouths now. but lemme tell ya shes a nympho!!!!!!!!!
> but Now is the 4th mouth of pregnancy with my girl. But man ill try to remember some of theme crazy stories from awhile back.
> If you wanna hear some real crazy stories lets talk about sex with prego girls? has anyone done that?


Yeah been there done that nothing special you can't be as rough as normal 

I've a bit of a funny story about an ex i was with her a while and we were gettin it on at my house ,anyway i was going down on her givin it large when suddenly a lump flew into my mouth,it was coagulated blood from her period which was "finished" ,I nearly puked my ring up ,then after that thinking i was the great fella i went down to the fridge and got a can of spray cream i had seen in it.Sprayed it all over her breasts and went to lick it off but i never checked the date of the cream it was rancid i puked everywhere,i will never forget that smell for the rest of my life even now i can't stomach the smell of sour milk uurrghh


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## luckydog82 (Oct 7, 2009)

Skateforlife6 said:


> well prego sex isnt that gross its just a lil awkward but wats more awkward is when my girls lil daughter comes in and says what are u guys doing and your like a deer in head lights like uhhhhh?
> well heck when anyone walks in on you no matter what age its awkward.


Yeah that can be awkward my little boy,he's 5, often walked in on us and asked the same.He was at school the other day and they were doing push ups and he told his teacher "my daddy does this on my mammy" ah to be that innocent


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## burninghope13 (Oct 9, 2009)

best i had was probably with my ex when we where in the middle of a park and im sure there was a couple on the other side of the hill doing exactly the same was all good till the exs friend decided 2 come over 2 see where we were and ruined the moment. second best was in bus toilets on the way to a festival and then at the festival. tip for you all dont try and fuck someone in a tent in the midle of a roasting hot day stoned and half drunk its not good just sweaty and tiring


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## PadawanBater (Oct 10, 2009)

burninghope13 said:


> best i had was probably with my ex when we where in the middle of a park and im sure there was a couple on the other side of the hill doing exactly the same was all good till the exs friend decided 2 come over 2 see where we were and ruined the moment. second best was in bus toilets on the way to a festival and then at the festival. tip for you all dont try and fuck someone in a tent in the midle of a roasting hot day stoned and half drunk its not good just sweaty and tiring


 
What's so outrageous about that?? 

Check the title of the thread son!


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## taylormade (Feb 24, 2010)

i got caught jacking off by my nan


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## taylormade (Feb 24, 2010)

that wasnt a sex story it happened like 5 minutes ago, as 1 was reading this thread


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## one11 (Feb 24, 2010)

me and my girlfriend were looking for an aprtment once. we found this nice little complex. it had one of those apartments that they kept unlocked so you could look around and see what it was like. we knew anyone could come in at anytime, but I put her over the kitchen counter and fucked her.

and this was with a different girl. but we were driving from the city back home. we were on this long straight stretch of highway, and no cars around, and it was dusk. i asked her for some head, and she started sucking away. then I tell her to hop on, and she's like..."are you serious". so she started riding me as I was driving and trying to keep my eyes on the road. it was mad hard trying to focus on staying alive AND busting a nut. but it was accomplished.

theres a bunch of others i just dont feel like typing tha tmuch this morning.. so bum biddy bye bye.


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## 323cheezy (Feb 24, 2010)

WTH.... this threads stilll going....

Actually the thread was closed a several montrhs back ....
However when i first made the thread ..... the mods changed it from toke and talk too spirit ans sexuality.....
So after that happened ... i had the same thread split into 2 threads..... 
The origonal thread was so huge and grew so fast...cause of the raunchiness..... that it eventuallly closed....
But for the most part .... most of the origonal posts survived..... yea who cares ....i know.....lol


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## jfgordon1 (Feb 24, 2010)

323cheezy said:


> WTH.... this threads stilll going....
> 
> Actually the thread was closed a several montrhs back ....
> However when i first made the thread ..... the mods changed it from toke and talk too spirit ans sexuality.....
> ...


because of this... every time i see you post, i think "horny bastard" 

sex threads were running wild lol


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## 323cheezy (Feb 25, 2010)

jfgordon1 said:


> because of this... every time i see you post, i think "horny bastard"
> 
> sex threads were running wild lol


You act like its a bad thing......

oh comon atleast im hornest......


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## Louis541 (Feb 25, 2010)

A couple years ago I was drinking with a couple of big girls, getting high and I was GOOD and drunk. These two girls were WASTED though. So they started making out, trying to get me into a threesome. I wasn't that drunk, so I kept trying to avoid them. Well they weren't taking my hints at all, so I told them to go into the bedroom and get started without me and I would be in in a minute. As soon as they went in there I finished off the bottle of bourbon, and bailed on them. I walked around the corner to another girls house, and fucked her, then went back and got yelled for about 5 minutes until I convinced them they imagined the whole thing.


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## jfgordon1 (Feb 25, 2010)

323cheezy said:


> You act like its a bad thing......
> 
> oh comon atleast im hornest......


lol i never meant for that to be an insult. I was just stating what i think 

Being horny is just part of being a dude... i'm looking to hump something every hour of every day


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## bleezyg420 (Feb 25, 2010)

323cheezy said:


> WTH.... this threads stilll going....
> 
> Actually the thread was closed a several montrhs back ....
> However when i first made the thread ..... the mods changed it from toke and talk too spirit ans sexuality.....
> ...


lol cheezy i was thinking the same thing i clicked on it cus i had some naughty fun but things are probably better left unsaid. how you dooin buddy ol pal


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## sarah22 (Feb 26, 2010)

this thread always makes me feel like an outcast  

hahahahahahahaha


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## PadawanBater (Feb 26, 2010)

bleezyg420 said:


> lol cheezy i was thinking the same thing i clicked on it cus i had some naughty fun but things are probably better left unsaid. how you dooin buddy ol pal


you MUST explain!


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## HookdOnChronics (Feb 26, 2010)

this thread is hilarious! hahahahaha


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## HookdOnChronics (Feb 26, 2010)

taylormade said:


> that wasnt a sex story it happened like 5 minutes ago, as 1 was reading this thread


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## ReelFiles (Feb 26, 2010)

Took some acid with my wife years before we got married and we got lost in the fog on the field behind my old high school. LOL we ended up in the middle of the footballl field making out and started gettin' it on when it started raining, we just looked up, shrugged our shoulders and kept going, that shit was hot!

Another time wifey and I had this younger girl over, just chillen at my 'bachelor' pad, when they called me into the bedroom.. 'nuff said, that shit was even better LOL


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## PadawanBater (Feb 26, 2010)

ReelFiles said:


> Took some acid with my wife years before we got married and we got lost in the fog on the field behind my old high school. LOL we ended up in the middle of the footballl field making out and started gettin' it on when it started raining, we just looked up, shrugged our shoulders and kept going, that shit was hot!
> 
> Another time wifey and I had this younger girl over, just chillen at my 'bachelor' pad, when they called me into the bedroom.. 'nuff said, that shit was even better LOL



Wtf? Why would you tell us the first story when you have a number two like that?! A ménage à trois with the wife and a young hot chick!


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## ReelFiles (Feb 26, 2010)

i dunno had just as much fun both times


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## ultimopyro (Mar 12, 2010)

Heres one of my favorite stories..(not as crazy as some lol)

So i was 17 and was in a real small town visiting relatives and shit. It was the middle of summer and the kids there have big parties every night.

Every time i go there theres a couple of buddies of mine i go drinking with.

The first night out i got completely hammered, and just passed out on top of my cousins car. One of my buddies had some chick making out with him that night in the car and he was kinda bragging about it the next day. His story started that he got some ass..then it slowly degraded to just making out. Was funny to hear him tell it to different people around town and each time it got a little more sad.

So the next night comes and we go out partying with the same crowd. This time however my friend is the one that gets hammered and passes out inside his car. Then after i was flirting with some extremely hot ass chick i brought her inside the car and started making out with her and shit in the backseat where my buddy was passed out drunk. I totally knew it was torture for him lol, he just wanted to get some ass and instead, there i was just starting with this chick right next to him. It diddnt end there..

After i figured i annoyed him enough i took this chick and we broke into the town school(strangely enough there was one door left unlocked to the gym). We then fucked in;

the gym on gymnastic mats.
the principles desk (after i threw off whatever shit was on it!)
few different classrooms(on teachers desks  )
and we even found a room with washer and dryers in it for home ec class( i turned on the dryer and let it do a little work)

Once i left some new stains on the gym mats and felt that i had properly disgraced the school enough, we decided to go elsewhere.

Our next stop was the outdoor swimming pool, we snuck under the fence and then went swimming naked for about 10 mins, it got cold pretty quick lol.

Then we went to the shower rooms and fucked there for a bit.

After that we were looking for any other locations but all we could find was a shitty old tractor in the middle of town at some tire shop. So we used that lol.

Then after that i said thank you and goodnight. i got her number but never called.

The next day i told my buddy about all the shit i did, he was pretty blown away by my story. I told him the chicks name and he said he knew her and she had a boyfriend. Some big ripped guy apparently. So then we were bored cruising around in my car around town, we pulled up to the ice cream/candy store to get a drink and then guess who pulled up next to us. The chick and her boyfriend.... 

I was immediately alert and wasnt sure what to expect, but she gave me a "holy shit don't say anything!" look. I looked at the guy, and laughed to myself. Its a weird feeling looking at a man when you screwed his woman all over town and he doesn't know shit.


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## mastermind303033 (Mar 23, 2010)

so this one time i was playing hackysack in my moms room and it went so high that it hit the ceiling fan and went flying into my moms sock droor. The whole fuckin thing started vibrating like crazy. Needless to say i didnt get my hacky sack back cus i got the fuck outta there.


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## Macko (Mar 23, 2010)

My boyfriend and I share a 2 bedroom house. Once, my sister and my nephew (4 years old) visited us and stayed in the spare bedroom. It was late afternoon, and when my boyfriend and I got home from a hike, we walked by the spare bedroom and saw that my sister and nephew were asleep, so we knew we had a chance to have sex before we had to cook dinner.

We were in our room and I was giving my boyfriend head. All of a sudden, we hear a little kids voice yell, "Mom!" but it sounded like it was coming from our room. I turned around, and sure enough, it was coming from our room! We had left the door unlocked and I didn't hear my nephew come inside. He was looking right at us and we were both naked - my boyfriend was standing up and I was on my knees. He yelled out one more time, "Mom!" and then turned around and ran out of our room. 

We both got dressed, and I waited for my sister to get through having a talk with my nephew. Later, when I spoke with my sister, she said that my nephew was really upset because he thought that I was hurting my boyfriend. She told him that no one was hurt and that "aunty and uncle were just being silly". Now, it's a running joke between my boyfriend and me - even when no one else is in the house except for us, we always ask each other, "Did you lock the door?" before we have sex!


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## Oldreefer (Mar 26, 2010)

Ate pussy on a greyhound bus ....while in college.


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## puffpuffPASSEDOUT (Mar 26, 2010)

mastermind303033 said:


> so this one time i was playing hackysack in my moms room and it went so high that it hit the ceiling fan and went flying into my moms sock droor. The whole fuckin thing started vibrating like crazy. Needless to say i didnt get my hacky sack back cus i got the fuck outta there.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH


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## dukeofbaja (Mar 27, 2010)

There is a Mormon church in Gilbert Arizona that has a temple stretching high enough above the surrounding houses to be visible from the nearby main road. I commented as we saw it on our way to the movies that night, "We should fuck in that Mormon church parking lot after the movie tonight"

"OK" she said

We went to the movie, enjoyed it, left, and drove back home. Walking in the door, I remembered what we talked about earlier. I reminded her about it, completely in jest, and the thing I least expected to hear came from her mouth.....

"Let's go then"

Well, I thought it about it for a second and grabbed my keys. We drove in almost complete silence for those two miles back to that church on the way to the movie theatre. We got there,I circled the lot and found an obscure enough place to park. Fully expecting to call her bluff, I said something along the lines of 'well, let's get to it then'.

She called my bluff. 

So I am getting some awesome head in the parking lot of a Mormon church at 1 am in my 92 Toyota Corolla...I am dumbfounded...but the icing on the cake was when she stopped, stripped her jeans and panties, and started fucking me.

I came quicker than I can ever remember. I am usually anything but a quick cummer, which can be as much of a curse as being too quick a cummer.

We both casually got fressed and drove back home. SHe used her panties to clean the you know what. Those panties were still in the car when I sold it to the salvage yard a few years later. And the girl from that story is now my fiance.

Not the craziest story but I tried to tell it the best I could...


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## thizz13 (Mar 27, 2010)

Kinda sounds like how I met my girl, bit we just did it on my car in the park a few times


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 2, 2010)

when i was about 16 my boyfriend who was at the time 24 was in my room, we were goin at it, kinna kinky but heyy, thats wat we like, so i was tied up, had wax down my back an my mom walks in...we both were naked, hes covered in tattoos,im covered in candle wax an for four years thought i was a virgin, an hes 24...needless to say she freeked out an he pulled on his pants an ran out the window to his car. lucky for us she didnt call the police cause neither of us would have passes the pee test lmao. so the next day i was cleanin my room an found his boxers washed them with my laundry. she checked the dryer to make sure clothes werent in it an found his boxers right on top an freeked out the second time. now just for embaressment she has them framed on the wall for everyone to see


lol an yea im new to the site, wats up wit ppl hit me up if u wanna talk


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## M0de Grow (Apr 2, 2010)

*NOT A CRAZY STORY* HAHA

I pulled off the side off the road (pretty visible) and had sex on the hood of my car!


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## 323cheezy (Apr 2, 2010)

Twiztid Juggalette said:


> when i was about 16 my boyfriend who was at the time 24 was in my room, we were goin at it, kinna kinky but heyy, thats wat we like, so i was tied up, had wax down my back an my mom walks in...we both were naked, hes covered in tattoos,im covered in candle wax an for four years thought i was a virgin, an hes 24...needless to say she freeked out an he pulled on his pants an ran out the window to his car. lucky for us she didnt call the police cause neither of us would have passes the pee test lmao. so the next day i was cleanin my room an found his boxers washed them with my laundry. she checked the dryer to make sure clothes werent in it an found his boxers right on top an freeked out the second time. now just for embaressment she has them framed on the wall for everyone to see
> 
> 
> lol an yea im new to the site, wats up wit ppl hit me up if u wanna talk


Reminds me of a story ....but its not tooo crazy.....
I had been living with this one chick......okay well just going to her house at night to get it onnnnn...chuckle...
I guess her parents bought or paid the rent at this establishment.,,,,appartment...laugh...
So we were always freeked out that old mom and dad might catch on.....
and sure enuff one mourning we woke up early.....somebody was wiggle the door knob.... Fuck i thought ....its her dad and im naked.....
So i played dumb....and pretended too sleep .....he then karate kicked me in the leg ....so i jumped up and pulled the blanket over my stash (balls and nuts)....
All the sudden the dad and daughter were yelling at the top of their lungs... and im laying naked and even worse moms there tooo.... So the dad ripps the blankey off and exposes the jewels.,.. the mothers now staring at my shlong like she never seen one that magnificent...lolz... and starts blowing me.....jk.... 
\but seriously at this point i pick up my clothes and fumble with my boxers....and i hit that door running threw the street with my boxers on...finally gettin in my car...;.

The craziest part is the next day a car rammed into that exact apartment and tore down the whole wall.....
I probly would have been there if the parent didnnt kick us out.....true story ...


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 2, 2010)

lmao thats crazy shitt, shitt i woulda freeked the fuck out
another crazy story is my boyfriend is a tat artist so he was doin his thing tattooin theses old ppl when in the middle of nowhere he stopped tatting an walked over to me picked me up when i was playin L4D2 with our girlfriend an went into the tiniest bathroom i have ever seen, pulled down my pants an we just started gettin it on, mind u we were bakked outta our minds from afgani weed an the whole time we were doin it, i had the xbox controller still in my hands lmao


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## 323cheezy (Apr 3, 2010)

Twiztid Juggalette said:


> lmao thats crazy shitt, shitt i woulda freeked the fuck out
> another crazy story is my boyfriend is a tat artist so he was doin his thing tattooin theses old ppl when in the middle of nowhere he stopped tatting an walked over to me picked me up when i was playin L4D2 with our girlfriend an went into the tiniest bathroom i have ever seen, pulled down my pants an we just started gettin it on, mind u we were bakked outta our minds from afgani weed an the whole time we were doin it, i had the xbox controller still in my hands lmao


spontaneous sex is the best .....just like three days ago....
my gf and me walked in too my room....
I hadnt seen her for a a couple days....
She had on some tights, the black thin spandex type....
So as soon as we walked into my dungeon... i bent her down a litte and slapped each cheek....
The jiggle immeditely cued my animal instinct.....
So needless to say i pulled those damn seethough tights and just banged her styright doggy... 
shes the tyupe too like it a bit rough...
the whole time im squeezing her big 34c's with my hands.....
hahaha....
I think i just rammed her for like a half hour straight ....
ahhhhhh .... shes w keepeer....


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 3, 2010)

lol that reminds me of a couple days ago i was over chillin wit my guy an his cuz, they were playin xbox, an i got up lookin for bandaids cause my hand got bitten by a pitt bull an i was upstairs, he comes up grabs my hair bends my neck back, bites me on the neck then bends me over an starts fukkin me doggy style, we went downstairs an his cuz gave us a weird look but kept on playin....the bandaids were right in front of the TV the whole time lol


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## 323cheezy (Apr 4, 2010)

your always playin video games ....smile.....
i got too many stories this could go on for days....
Id rather be in a new story than tell one....lolz


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 4, 2010)

lol we love video games, plus there isnt much else considerin that where i live is boring as fuck


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## nubiebud (Apr 4, 2010)

I had some wild and crazy sex in a major Dept Store bathroom a few times. In both the male and female restrooms.


Granted I was all alone, but still a great and wild time.


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## 323cheezy (Apr 4, 2010)

Twiztid Juggalette said:


> lol we love video games, plus there isnt much else considerin that where i live is boring as fuck


Sometimes you got to meet your destination....Nothing in my life has ever stood in my way .. but still i say i gotta get away ..... I gotta go somewhere ...... I dont know where im headin .. I swear im not leaving ....but i gotta run away....


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## 323cheezy (Apr 4, 2010)

nubiebud said:


> I had some wild and crazy sex in a major Dept Store bathroom a few times. In both the male and female restrooms.
> 
> 
> Granted I was all alone, but still a great and wild time.


mastubated?????


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 4, 2010)

> Sometimes you got to meet your destination....Nothing in my life has ever stood in my way .. but still i say i gotta get away ..... I gotta go somewhere ...... I dont know where im headin .. I swear im not leaving ....but i gotta run away....


o trust me we go everywhere to, its just that there wasnt much places to go an when we play video games is when were bored an dont wanna get shoes on, yea we play alot but hell, thats usually after work when i get home an stuff


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## Ring'n (Apr 4, 2010)

I have 2 decent ones..... They both involve the same girl.

We came home to see my family for a reunion, the night we arrived we went out with my brother and his friends. She and I 
were riding in the back of the truck (no more room up in the cab and it was a sausage fest up there anyways...lol)

All we had to sit on was a couple spare tires, she hoped on and went for a ride while the guys were up front, she didnt care if they saw
and I must say getting rode down a road at 45-50 mph is a blast. Not much better than a set of titties and a strong breeze in your face.

Later the same weekend we were at my parents for the reunion, there was a ton of people there, we went out front to the driveway to smoke a fatty,
one thing leads to another and we were going at it in the hood of a car.... Not caring who was where, seeing what, it was very exciting to say the least.

Good times! Too bad she was just as crazy in every other aspect of her life...... But man she could be fun at times.....lol


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## LEDZePPeLiN1969 (Apr 4, 2010)

i have alot of crazy stories but the craziest and funniest i think was when i was at a freinds highschool party...

well i was hangin out with my boys smokin the herb etc when this chick we knew tori came around and ofcource she was drunk and i guess picked me to start flirting with... so eventually this girl is un zippin my pants givin me head in the den right by the front door !! i mean she was just bobble heading it.. while people were walkin by gving thumbs up and stuff ,, it was pretty cool intill i said heyyy... lets go upstairs and find a room! so we did and we were maybe 20 minutes into doing it..when i hear a knock on the door .. and its my freind and his mom that just came home. bangin on the door getting threatened and etc ... while this girl iz tryna find her pantys hahahhahha and so im like what are we gonna do ? next thing you know i get a call from another friend saying the police is there breaking up the party soo im like hey me n this chik are not doing nothing wrong lets just stay in here cops arent going to come in here .. so door locked everything hour maybe more goes by when i start to hear the party come back outside... so i peeped my head out the door and learn that the mom and the kid that had the party were both arrested for supplying youngins with booze and everybody had ran to a nearby kids house back yard then relocated after the mom and son were arrested .. so i think its gods payback for interupting us and we stayed in that room till the mom came home at 7 o clock in the morning... at that time i ran out down stairs almost breaking my wrist becuase the mom was yelling ( the cops are here)ofcource i left the girl in the room and the girl never spoke to me again because i didnt help her find her cloths hahahah 

another crazy zex story was basically an orgy in my moms ford escape... while one girl drove i fucked each for like 5 minutes then would switch..(these were some lesbian ho's) and ofcource i say drive carefull.. but nope she runs a stop sign ..old cop pulls us over while im tryna switch seats with the driver girl ... i rolled the window down and first thing the cops says is... what are yall doing playing strip poker?? hahahahahahah he made me stand in the road with my boxers while he searched the car ..thank god there was no weed in there i would have gone to jail in boxers..


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 4, 2010)

lol thats the shitt, my boyfriend went to jail in his boxers once, the reason tho y he went to jail is cause his crazy ex, he never got charged wit anything an the police even apoligized, but not for him goin to jail in his boxers, they laughed their ass off at that lmao, so did i


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## LEDZePPeLiN1969 (Apr 5, 2010)

yea it is a funny scene ... every one was smiling as they drove by. 

although the only time i was in jail they had this dude they brought in.... this dude looked like dmx or a football player(big black dude)... but he was in orange boxer things i forgot what they called them it was like johnny bridges or sumthing but we watched him get tased. and stuffed in an isolation cell.... basicaly naked but the funny part was he was fighting back yelling : giv me cloths and shit ... it was hillarious ...intill they took him into our holding block to take a piss and then no one laughed....


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## imLIFTED (Apr 5, 2010)

I had sex with a rack of sweaters in Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve.


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 6, 2010)

lol my boyfriend isnt a tiny guy, he is 200 pounds of muscle an 6'2'' in heart boxers lmao


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## LEDZePPeLiN1969 (Apr 7, 2010)

hahah i had the kind with 2 frogs on top each other lol that wouldnt be cool going to jail...

o yea the time i went to jail (this is off topic ) i opened a cops new pack of ciggs in the back of the squad car that he left behind the seat(dum pig) and i snuck 10 ciggs in and i shared them with some people ... but they didnt have a lighter in there cells so i watched them rip the cigg apart and put it in there mouth!!! and sucked on the tobbacco like dip!! and they were watchin across the hall me smoking it hahhhahaahhaha then i had this hott blonde nurse that liked me and didnt make me take a drug test!! and i said i needed xanax and she hooked me up with valiums ...sooo it wasnt that bad for 5 days haha


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## Twiztid Juggalette (Apr 11, 2010)

lmao thats the shitt, dont u hate an love it when cops are dumbasses


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## leeny (Apr 29, 2010)

ok so. Eeyores Birthday party is a crazy festival in austin with tons of costumes, may poles, pot, drinking, drum circles body/ face paint live band basically all the austin hippies getting together in a park to do what they do best. I *accedently* cough cough... drank an ENTIRE bottle of rum (not smoking sucks balls btw) I danced in the drum circle for hours made out with and danced with probably 5 girls... then laying on the ground met a really hot/drunk/ high guy we end up making out and getting realy steamy and with no where else to go we opt for the PORT_O_POTTY! (I'd like to reiterate how drunk I was now, and that yes, I AM blaming it on the alcohol) after being in the portopotty *much to the dismay of the line that really had to pee* for a long ass time we go and meet his friend who drives us to 1.get more to drink and 2. to get us tacos. after practically having a threesome in the truck and the resturaunt we drop off the guy I met at eeyores. then me and the driver find some woods and go fuck in the woods for about two hours... I left the night with a ripped vag *sorry for the detail* no wallet and no sense of dignity left... eventually got my wallet back but itll be a while for my dignity to find me again


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## 323cheezy (Apr 29, 2010)

those sound like wild times ....
Wish i could have been there lol.... Good stuff...

Thats one perk about alcohal over mj...
Shit like that tends too hapoen more when you smashed..


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## iblazethatkush (Apr 29, 2010)

323cheezy said:


> those sound like wild times ....
> Wish i could have been there lol.... Good stuff...
> 
> Thats one perk about alcohal over mj...
> Shit like that tends too hapoen more when you smashed..


LoL me too. I love free puss! That's why in some ways alcohol>weed


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## leeny (Apr 29, 2010)

you dirty takeradvantagers! lmao yahhh I definitely need to chill on the alcohol intake


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## 323cheezy (Apr 30, 2010)

oh man im just itcching to tell a dirty story...
Lenny your kinda more of exhibitionist.... group person ...god bless ya....

So back when i first moved to california....
I started going to pcc ... a city college... with lots of ass....
So i was in this english class ....mind u i was young....19
and very outspoken in class...
Anyway i made friends rather fast ...mainly with these two chicks...
One was latina.... short...about 5''2'' alittle older than me , named vanessa , with huge tits (D"S) atleast....
And the other was Cori... an exchange student from hong kong....
She wasnt as hot ... and she had an accent.... but she was cute and had a very good personality ...
Andd her butt was nice too....kinda a tomboy tho... not your typical glamour puss....
So long story short alll three of us became friends ...i could tell they were both starting to like me.... cause im cool and shit....
We started going to the library anfd studying...after class..... but eventually vanessa met another guy .... i really loked vannessa she wass hotter than the other girl..... The asian girl started to like me too.... especially cause i think she was jealous i liked vaneessa....
So i even told the asian chick how started to have feelings for me that i didnt want to be her bf ... and we could be friends.... This made her even want me more i guess.... 
So we started too hang out....
(me and cori) allot cause we were both new to la....

Then one night she came over the house... 
I gave her a beer ... and she started to get allitle loose....
Then i told her i smoked weed...
She had never done it... but she basically was in lust with me and i got her to hit the blunt i was hittting...
So now she fucking just laughing, smiling, and just allitte tipsy high watever....
Now shes telling me how has nevar been wit a guy or had sex... 
And wanted to try with me..... 
i couldnt believe it....yes.....
So i started off by pulling my dick out ....
She was fascinated with it started stroking it...
You could tell she had no idea what she was doing....
So i grabbed her and threw her on my bed ....
took her pants off and started sucking her pussy ....
for about a good 5mins....
Then i put my cock in her face... she caught on quick and put it in her mouth....
Finally her pussy was so wet that i really didnt have a problem popping that cherry...
I didnt see any blood but i did tear that shit up... alittle discomfort....from her part atleast...
At this point im ready to blast .... she right under me ....missionary....
So i whip it out.... and wahhhmmmmmm!!!!!
All the nut flies at her face ,chin, chest..........
Maybe klike 5 or 6 blasts ....lol
At this point im just in exstacy ..... 
but when i finally snap out of this nut ....
\I realized i really drenched this girl....oppss....
And shes fucking shooked.... She just stood there with a look of disgust....(you could tell she was disturbed)
Didnt barely said anything whiped herself off and left...
The next day she called me and said i cant believe u pissed on me.....
I guess she had no idea what cum was....
I still kinda feel bad for taking her virginity ...but lifes to short...lolz true story!!!


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## Philly_Buddah (Apr 30, 2010)

^

LOL wow that girl mustve been really sheltered.


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## Muppets On Drugs (Apr 30, 2010)

once at florida as a teenager we were playing around in the hot tub with some random hos from another part of florida at the timeshare or whatever. we were playin truth or dare, cause at 16 we were trying to get a nut, and we were really drunk and high. so she dares me to show her my dick. and im like ok and when i look down that thing had SHRUNK. like unforgivably small. so i told em that happens and luckily my friend agreed with me.so she decided to get me hard somehow . in broad daylight, somehow that girl preceded to give me a footjob while there was 5 other kids and her bestfriend in the hot tub. she said "tell me when its hard enough" but i knew i wasn't about to do that. i looked up and saw all their faces(random kids in the hot tub) after i nutted and just smiled


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## 323cheezy (May 1, 2010)

HAHAHA...thats just wierdo .... footnut....lolz


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## Northpinellasdan (May 3, 2010)

HAAHAHAHAHAH Muppets your killingme man... 

dude.. im 17 now.. i live in florida also, florida is the fucking shit.. the girls are sexy as hell, you jyst gotta find the right girls also.. 

but when i was 16 i was doing oxycodone like hardcore as hell, in tampa where i kinda live.. like i live on the outskirts west of tampa...
in tampa though.. they dish out oxycodone like nothi ng.. i have multiple freidns with scripts.. each script on the street goes for about 2k-3k.. so thats a steady income per month... its very sketchy to slang tho.. i used to sell it.. but i got super addicted... 

but 0on to the story.. this russian girl named margaret.. was my first girlfreind when i was like 15 or 16 i dont remember... and she loved blues..
but before that.. idk i was like insecure so i didn't try to do stuff with girls.. i just played video games like a douchy nerd.. and thats it.
but margaret was raw as hell.. are group of freinds was a bunch of fuckups and some junkies lol... it was funny.. but margaret never knew i was a super amatuer.. until like she made out with me or whatever.. 

me n margaret would like carhop her hood and come to her crib with like 500 dollars in electronics and sometimes cash money n gold.. me n her would be sick as hell withdrawling from blues..
these 0oxys we do in florida are these little light blue pills with a m with a square around it.. and a 30 on the back.. for 30 milligrams.. its instant release and we snort it..

but we were feeling sick so we jacked her neighborhood... after scoring a crapload of stuff we went back to her crib.. we were tired.. we went to bed.. i didn't do not9in with her idk why.. its because i liked her older sister... ill get on to that in a bit lol... but the next morning i slang the gps at a pawn shop.. i sold it to a lady outside the pawn shop.. which is awesome.. then i went n payed this old guy a blue for a ride to pickup my blues... so i picked up a ten pack of BLUes OMG i had the funnest day, i came back to margarets.. and i she gave me ten bucks for a blue she was sooo happy.. but she was still sleeping idk why.. i was up and energized doin blues.. shit makes me into a party animal. so i sold some blues to my freind and made some profit.. and tolod him what i did last night.. then me n margaret went to te movies with her girlfreind later that night, i was on like 6 blues at the end of the night lol... i couldn't feel shit LOL.

But thats the lame part of the story.. basically i loved her older sister nadia... margaret was hot.. but nadia.. was a goddess.. and she was into blues even more.. so i thought she was soo cool... she was 19 n i was 16, basically one night im chillin with my junkie freind way later after that carhoppin crap.. like weeks ahead... and nadia wants a blue.. and my boy dan bohne.. said gimme some dome for a blue in a text message lol.. and idk what she said.. but like we were goin over there to do that.. and nadia has this sexy latina freind that i was gonna hook up with.. basically what happened was.. dan gave nadia a blue.. and decided to fuck him over LOL.. she din't give him shit.. and dan was trying to get with nadia's freind.. (which was awesome because she waas prude n lame)
So what happened was i gave nadia a half a blue.. which is 5 bucks LOL.. and she gave me some dome.. it was my first head i ever had.. and this girl was a fucking pro.. and she was gorgeous and i loved her.. so it was the best..

my boy dan was SOOO pist LOL.. i was laughing so hard when he took me home lol.. he was pist, he got scammed. so the next day im like feening to hang out with nadia because i like her alot and she hooks up wit me.. (she jus tells me to keep it on the low-low) so i don;'t hang out with nadia the next day cause its not like you think...just cause we did shit doesn't mean we are girlfreind/boyfreind.. it mean't nothing..

So the next day im feening for some dome or sometin.. and later that night i sell a blue to this older girl who's 21 for 20 fucking bucks.. so i made 10 bucks.. then this girl had no place to stay for that night,. so i told her she could stay at my cribby.. but then i decided i can't have a 21 yr old chick stayin at my crib.. my parents would b pist..

Idk how it happened.. we were just talking and chillin.. we each did a blue.. i did one cause i made a ton o money that dauy.. idk howit happened.. but i was feening for dome. n i asked her if she would.. which is retarded.. and then i relized how stupid i sounded and i said im sorry lol.. 
but idk she wanted to fuck.. n i was still a virgin back then.. n i ddn't want to.. so i told her i jus want some dome.. i said i'd finger her or something LOL.. so she started givng me some more dome.. she wasn't nearly as hot as nadia tho.. and also she was a fuckng amatur at giving head... i have been spoiled by nadia man.. this girl was a godess, i loved her.. so i went home at like 2 A.m

by the way.. on blues you can't rly have a orgasm expecially if your on a ton.. my ex-girlfreind i would smash her for hours cause i'd be on blues... she'd have like three orgys and id be sitting there.. lol. also that means that you don't gotta wear a condom cause you dont rly skeet at all... its better to be safe then sorry but i like not waring one.

Lately i been single with no poontang.. i got this bluehead girl who can get em for ten who lives close to me i met the other day.. who is sexy and freaky.. i wanna chill wit her.. she thinks im hot, but i aint got a car and im broke right now.. it sucks..

But damn that wasn't the coolest story but it was just one of my favorite moments with a girl.. That wasn't the last time nadia gave me dome for a half a blue niether lol.. i got it again and again n again different times, then her boyfreind found out.. n got pist as fuck n tryed to rob me he neve rcould tho.. but i stopped talking to nadia n margaret.. im sad about it.. but itys whatever.. can't turn a hoe into a housewife anyway...

non-sex related storys i have to tell.. crime related are aweosme but idk it takes to long to read for you guys.. sorry for the wall of text lol.
i've had alot other girlfreinds or whatever.. but this one was my favorite.. nadia popvlosky my nigga..


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## 323cheezy (May 3, 2010)

thats allot to digest ... soo much info...lol
But heress what i got out of it ...
You were doing mad drugs(OXY...you were young) and got some junkie chick to get u some dome...
And u fell in love with the more exp. one... The older sis..

Yhis remonds me of a story ...but i will save it..
I feel u tho Ive fell in love with this one girl....
She the best thing that ever happened too me 
sexually)...
I had to let her go ... she left me of course.. she was way outta my league....


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## one11 (May 3, 2010)

i was with the girl once. and i fucked her.


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## Yeah (May 5, 2010)

Ooooooh, I got a good one for you cheez. This happened to me this last christmas. 

I met one of the homie's cousins who was on leave from the military. Anyways, we ended up buying a couple fifths/gallons of E&J, christian brothers, and something else. We got fucked up.  So this girl is kissing and grabbin on me all night and we finally get back to the house.

At this point, I'm borderline too drunk to even fuck. And she was drunker than me. So I slide in it, doin' the nasty and my shit starts gettin soft and flimsy. So of course, being the gentleman I am, I say, "you should suck my dick for a minute". That was my downfall...


About 15-20 seconds in I see her start to gag and as I'm yelling "NOOOOOO" she puked on my dick and balls. She even got my new blanket. 

So we took a shower and I finshed the job. And haven't talked to her since lol. I can't get the thought of having puke on my balls out of my head.

there's more funny details, but I hate reading long ass posts so I simplified it to get to the point. TRUE STORY


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## Northpinellasdan (May 5, 2010)

Yeah said:


> Ooooooh, I got a good one for you cheez. This happened to me this last christmas.
> 
> I met one of the homie's cousins who was on leave from the military. Anyways, we ended up buying a couple fifths/gallons of E&J, christian brothers, and something else. We got fucked up.  So this girl is kissing and grabbin on me all night and we finally get back to the house.
> 
> ...


Omfg.. thats so gross, and yea cheezy thats basically what happened lol.. i fell in love wit a hoe that can suck a mean dick.. notin special.. but it waas special to me because i was amatuer at errthing and i was a virgin...

thes experiences are great tho.. cause these little highschool bitches are all amature and i tear it up n they all gossip.. its great lool;


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## 323cheezy (May 5, 2010)

Word word....yeah,,,
I skim righ tover them shits.... i think thats ideal post size for this thread....nice work

And what a gentleman you are.....LOL....

Unfortunatley i have nevar had the luxary of having some drunk chick puke all over mt balls..
but surely it would be nice just to reminise on it...

Sucks for me cause i fucked up too many times getting whiskey dick on potentails.....


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## 323cheezy (May 5, 2010)

Northpinellasdan said:


> Omfg.. thats so gross, and yea cheezy thats basically what happened lol.. i fell in love wit a hoe that can suck a mean dick.. notin special.. but it waas special to me ;


Man thats good stuff ..... Im sure she was a great person...lol
I guess if i think about it that is essentailly what my life is all about ....well except of course for blunts and shit...lol


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## jewfr00 (May 5, 2010)

waay way back in 8th grade, i think i was 13 or 14 at the time. i had a girlfriend, maddie, i lost my virginity to her she lost it to me, blah blah blah. we used to always fuck at her house but her mom caught us one time so i wasnt allowed to come over anymore. 

soooooooooooo, we started to fuck in school. first it was just "a one time thing" but then it became an everyday ritural to fuck in the girls locker room during 5th period. that happened for a good 2 months straight. that girl could ride a dick. even now being almost 20 and having fucked 6 other girls, no ones rode my dick like her. hmmmmm

well, i remeber it was near the end of the school year, and we were gettin it on the locker room bench like everyday, and Coach. iForgotHerName walks in (which has never happened cuz she had break that hour) and ohhhhh man, she fliped her shit. called security. principal called both our parents. we both got 10 day suspensions. i only got to see maddie twice after getting caught. the chicks mom put her in a problem for teens with sex problems which was really fucked up. 

almost 4 years ago when i was about 16, i saw her at the mall with her friends. ended up fuckin' in the mall

true events true story, goooooood times


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## nubiebud (May 5, 2010)

I hooked up with a chick at the bar one night. YOu know the type, when you are drunk. She is dressed just right to make you hard with the hair spray and makeup. But the next morning you ask yourself, WTF was I thinking. Oh well to late now, so I better hit it one more time. But anyway, she took me back to her house and things real exciting. She wanted me to stick it in her pooper. Who am I to argue. So there I was shagging her dirt box when she started yelling. I was a bit drunk so i mistook the yelling as her really digging it. So I started hammering away and exploded in her anus. When I pulled out, she has shit on my cock. Kind of ended the romantic evening. I used her shirt to wipe my junk clean and then soon passed out. Next morning when I woke, I left as quickly and quietly as possible and showered as soon as I got home. Never saw her again. Wonder if she still likes anal.


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## 323cheezy (May 6, 2010)

if she wanted anal ... i dont see why she didnt clean her ass...dumb hoe....lol


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## one11 (May 11, 2010)

so this was back in high school. it was my friend john and he and a girl hannah were fucking in his car after band practice or whatever. (they were band geeks) lol. apparently she was riding him with his cock up her stinker. this was a fiirst timer for her, i dont know about him. now picture this. this bitch is about 190-210lbs at least. just a real hefty flappy saggy nasty fat bitch. and I'll never know exactly how it happened, but johns dick popped out of her stinker real fast, and human shit flung all over his car, and shit continued to dribble out of her ass everywhere. there was shit on the windshield, steering wheel, both seats, all over the floor, and himself. 

they both tried their best to cover it up. but how can you keep that shit from getting out? lmfao. high school mayne..


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## Northpinellasdan (May 11, 2010)

omg.. thats fucking disgusting hahahahahah


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## PASSTHE215!!! (Jun 24, 2010)

hd sex w.my gf n i told her my dad was sleepin n she was moaning and screamin so loud i think he heard her he was a wake n we heard him walk down the hallway i think he heard her lol she was all scared and embarased


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## Brick Squad (Jun 25, 2010)

I was on a Road trip with my GF in HighSchool at the time we were going to Florida or some shit i forget but they had a 3rd row seat in the SUV and her parents and sister was in front of us and we acted asleep and she layed in my lap and gave me head  was kinda neat.
and another time at a high school football game (boring as shit)
so we went out to the car to fuck and the game ended and ppl were everywhere around the car and we kept on going at it


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## farmboss (Jul 30, 2010)

Big P said:


> ive told this one already but lets get the grossness bar high, so here it goes- this is the condenseded version
> 
> 
> i was pounding this gurl like ive pounded no other, i was filthy drunk and could not catch a nut for nothin,
> ...


dude holy fuck i've never laughed so hard.


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## ChronicObsession (Oct 16, 2011)

balls in the mouth and blinders on the eyes


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## tyler.durden (Oct 17, 2011)

In my early twenties, I was living with my mom in her decked out condo while I was finishing school. My best friend lived down the street, and he had a gorgeous wife. After hanging out together for a few years, we were comfortable enough to have a threesome a few times (friend and I didn't get it on, just did the wife, not that it matters). We even had the wife's friend over for four way fun a couple of times. It was difficult to bring girls over to the condo unless mom was at work. My best and most spontaneous day was when she was out of town: My girlfriend (who I couldn't stand) came over during her lunch break for some action, then I walked her downstairs (we were both a little disheveled) to catch a cab back to work. Then, my friend's wife called saying that she wanted to come over, which resulted in the only time we ever had sex without my friend present. I then walked her downstairs to her car. I showered again and THEN the wife's friend called to come over. After I banged her, I walked her downstairs to her car, and again our clothing and hair were a little messed up. I turned to go upstairs, and the doorman was just smiling at me: he had been working all day and saw all of this and said to me, 'Good day, huh?' I said, 'Yeah, I couldn't have planned it any better'


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## eye exaggerate (Oct 17, 2011)

...I was at an outdoor party in the country. Tons of people, live band, and the whole acreage to play on (farmyard). At one point, this girl sits beside me and my friends. She leans over and says to me "you know, I do just about anything when I'm drunk". We both got up without saying a word, and walked to the nearest clearing. I was pretty hammered, and at one point while in the act, the band started to cover "back in the saddle", I was like "fck yeah!"...and raised my arm in the air...  Anyway, job done we get up and she says "will you remember me? I say "for sure!"...she says "good, my brother is huge and hates it when I'm sad"  As we're walking back, she says, "sorry, what's your name?" I say "Tyler...Steven Tyler", and we go our way. I get back to where my friends are and sit down. WIthin about 10 minutes, a girl I knew from school walks up and says "my boyfriend just went on a beer run, go for a walk?"...

Holy 22 years ago, batman. The rest of the night is a major blur. One of my friends said while talking the next day 'man, do you know how many times you asked me to hold your beer for you?' Good laughs, good laughs.

*I wouldn't change it, but I doubt I'd go back to it... the loose cannon deal can be trouble.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 17, 2011)

im glad to see my thread lives on ...
Even after it was deleated ... i had this one still in tact since it was under two diifferent topics....
They left one by accident... or they just kept one since they were both identical ..

Doesnt matter.... happy to hear these crazy stories.... nothing crazy's happened to me for a long time.
I
m working on a new one...loll


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## eye exaggerate (Oct 17, 2011)

323cheezy said:


> im glad to see my thread lives on ...
> Even after it was deleated ... i had this one still in tact since it was under two diifferent topics....
> They left one by accident... or they just kept one since they were both identical ..
> 
> ...


...nice avatar. Used to be a big fan of Dr. Claw - though he was fairly inefficient.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 17, 2011)

ya dr. claws a good look....
at least i thought... i used to be the samuel jackson avi.... 
Lokking back at the first couple pages.... 
This thread is certified classic.....
game on!


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## malignant (Oct 17, 2011)

crazy thread,glad it survived


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## Luger187 (Oct 21, 2011)

i just read through this whole thread. good shit!

in high school i was bangin this one chick. one day(during the summer i think), for some reason i go over to her place to bang her. i had never been there before, but her dad was gone. so we go upstairs and start makin out/taking clothes off. im about to put the rubber on when we hear the front door open. were both like FUCK. so she puts on her robe and goes down to see who it is while i lay naked next to the bed, incase he comes inside the room lol. she comes back in and tells me he is in the kitchen, and she is going to go down and distract him. im supposed to run down the stairs and go out the front door. so i put on my clothes, wait at the top of the stairs for a few seconds, then go down quietly. when i open the front door, it makes a really loud creaking sound(it was one of those metal door things). so thinking fast, i spin around, shut the door quickly and stand there as if im knocking. she comes up and 'answers the door' and i talk to her for a few seconds. i can see her dad over her shoulder looking at me with a questionable look. after saying some stupid nonsense, i left. i dont think i ever fucked her again lol

another time i was with a different girl at a hotel 'party' with like 6 people. this other chick shows up and immediately shows her tits to everyone. no joke. so after a few, everyone leaves except me and my girl, and the other girl that showed her tits. me and my chick start fucking on one of the beds, while the other girl sits on the other and watches tv, pretending not to notice. to this day, i REALLY wish i had the balls at the time to ask if she could join. but honestly, the whole showing her tits thing made me think she was dirty, so i didnt think it was worth it. i should have though =D
the next morning we had nice shower sex too


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## jadeey (Oct 22, 2011)

lol damn I have some dirty stories ! Hmmm lemme think 

1. It's just the damn location that really does it. My boyfriend was really shitfaced one day and we live near each other so he was walking home with his friend and I found him and he asked me to take him home so I walked with him and the other guys leaves and we're walking through this alley from a highschool that's near by and he sees like a bed on the floor it looked pretty cleanly and all I guess somebody was just throwing it out and he's like I need to rest and he lays down and hE signals for me to sit on his lap and I always do what he says so yeah. But then the whole time there were like kids that were gonna toke it passing by but at the moment we didn't care 

2. Back in highschool one of my friends showed up drunk and horny to school. And once she got there she does started making out with me like in front of teachers and everything. And she had a boyfriend at the time so I hang out with her after class right and were just making out all over the place than she's like imma go to the bathroom so I was like alright imma go with you. So I could handle you know. So were like making out and taking off clothes and shit and right before she was gonna take her shorts off she says that she's sobering up and thinks it's a bad idea -.-


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## Farfenugen (Oct 22, 2011)

I was 17 and my gf was 16, we were at her house after school and no one was home, so we were in her room fooling around and then things sort of heated up. A week before we were talking about sex and condoms, and turns out she bought some, so after a little fooling around she hands one to me (we're semi-nude by that time) and so one thing leads to another, it's not an earthquake (not for 17) but it was nice, maybe a little quick, but we both felt like pros back then. 

So, after we are done, I slip off the condom, head into the bathroom, clean up etc, never knowing that I left the ballon-sized bag of love liquid on the counter. We get dressed and head into the living room, watch TV and basically chill out. About an hour later her parents come home with her little sister who's about 10 I think. Pleasantries pass and as I am about to leave there's this loud shrill coming from the bathroom. Out comes her sister with the evidence in hand, gripped by two fingers now dangling for all to see. Of course, by this time I had my shoes on and was heading out the front door (after realizing what the scream meant). 

Well, I dashed for it and the next day my gf comes up to me in the hallway and explains she was grounded, no TV etc and wasn't able to see me anymore. And a message that if I was to come around again, I'd get the shit kicking of a lifetime. Needless to say my gf was driven to and from school every day after that and the parents had moved a grandmother in full time.

All in all, an experience.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 22, 2011)

This was an old posted i posted about 2years ago when the thread started ... i dont even know how this thread still exist...

okay welll i got a new one....an oldie but goodie( i was 16)....its not that craze but its a classsic...and one of the best experiences ive ever had....

So im at my gf's house, her parents are gone for vay kay....so shes throwing a party ..but i dont really like her friends ....so i decide to go to her parents rooom and pass out.....oh by the way she was half white and half hawwiian...... 
so theyre all getting driunk and partying and im past out upstair in the parewnts room.....
all the sudden i wake up(3am) and my gf is going to town on my dick (bj).... she is drunk as fuck and the lights are turned off..... so after about 4 minutes im all gassed out and bust a crazy nut.... but the bitch keeps pumping... i dont know if she even realized or swallowed the nut.... but she just keeps bobbing away....so by this time im trying to pry her offf my dick but the bitch wont stop... she keeps going till i bust another nut... so by this time about 7 miutes pass total... and im paralyzed.... in agony...and my gf keeps workin my shit....im in total agony.... i have no idea where my nut is going or if she knows im finished... shes totally in a dick blowing zone.... and keeps going.....and finally after about ten minutes total i bust a third nut.... and right about that time im about to throw a left hook at her face and she just paases out....
so at this time im practically a big tub of jelly.... i look at her and am like janette!...hey you alright??? she doesnt respond....so im like i killed the bitch.... so now both my dick and she are dead as elvis and tupac.... and i start panicking like maybe i choked her to death...or maybe she choked to death on my nut.... so i turn on the light and start slapping her in the face ...nothing.. i start doing cpr and pumping her stomach...all the sudden she jumps up and pukes about a cup off nut....yuck !!!! and passes out.... 
i never thought this was possible(three nuts in 10 mins)but it was great despite the agony.... the next day my gf ...didnt even remeber...but till this day i never forgot.... lol...
i dont think you chicks could top that one... ...lol true story.....


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## Farfenugen (Oct 24, 2011)

That sort of happend to a friend of mine back when he was in college. He goes to his gf's house (she lives with her mom), they have one too many drinks, end up passing out in her bedroom. He wakes up to find the gf has left for school but that his dick is being sucked, turns out it was the mom giving him one, she thought he was still out of it. Needless to say, he didn't mention anything, both he and the gf's mom had this thing go on for over a year until the gf found out. Messed up family.


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## Samwell Seed Well (Oct 24, 2011)

we did it . . . .


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## Nusky (Oct 24, 2011)

Well, I moved around a lot, every time I actually found a girl who was genuinely attracted to me, it was time to move (military family). Seriously, we wouldn't move then all of a sudden I know for a fact a girl likes me, it's time to move. So about 7 years ago I got a job at walmart. I worked at night for 3 years. After the second year, this new (to me) duty manager was there. She ALWAYS walked down past me during the meetings to go to the front office, so I always got to check out her ass. She was the last good looking women I got to see before work started, ever other female I worked with was REALLY old or just not that attractive.

So eventually I got a job during the day shift. I've been listening to erotic hypnosis at the time, it seemed to have a pretty good effect on me although not orgasmic, it was something good to do before watching porn. One day there was a pickup at the cash register, sure enough it was her. Next thing I knew I just blurted out I love you. I explained to her that I think shes really hot, and that she was the last good looking women I saw each night. She didn't say anything, so I just continued talking and talking and talking. I don't know why but I grabbed her hand and put it down my pants, no joke, I was really hard. She held it for a few seconds then took it away. Still didn't say anything or even move for that matter. I even asked her if she was going to do something, walk away, or slap me, or report me, but nothing happened. I told her a few things that would improve the store, and believe it or not, I took a programming class in which we built an inventory system, I told her how to improve and modernize the inventory system, which they did end up implementing.

I told her if she said the word glow I'd have a full body orgasm, and probably cum too. I must have been standing there for 10 minutes at least, then I said well I'm going to go I hope you don't report me, I just really like you. As I'm about to turn away, she says it. Just waves and waves of every emotion came at me over and over. I was crying and laughing at the same time. My whole body was shaking and tingling all over, and I eventually dropped to the floor and just spasmed there for a good 5 minutes. This all happened on a sunday, there were barely any customers in, in fact if I remember right there was maybe 5 people at the most in line and 2 cashiers, this was at the express checkouts.

After I was done I said I made a click click sound and boom, took the return item from her, and said "uhh... thanks for this", as if I were talking about the item, turned around and went back to work. I think it's something we're both going to remember for the rest of our lives.

She is married though and at least 20 years older than me.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 24, 2011)

Nusky said:


> Well, I moved around a lot, every time I actually found a girl who was genuinely attracted to me, it was time to move (military family). Seriously, we wouldn't move then all of a sudden I know for a fact a girl likes me, it's time to move. So about 7 years ago I got a job at walmart. I worked at night for 3 years. After the second year, this new (to me) duty manager was there. She ALWAYS walked down past me during the meetings to go to the front office, so I always got to check out her ass. She was the last good looking women I got to see before work started, ever other female I worked with was REALLY old or just not that attractive.
> 
> So eventually I got a job during the day shift. I've been listening to erotic hypnosis at the time, it seemed to have a pretty good effect on me although not orgasmic, it was something good to do before watching porn. One day there was a pickup at the cash register, sure enough it was her. Next thing I knew I just blurted out I love you. I explained to her that I think shes really hot, and that she was the last good looking women I saw each night. She didn't say anything, so I just continued talking and talking and talking. I don't know why but I grabbed her hand and put it down my pants, no joke, I was really hard. She held it for a few seconds then took it away. Still didn't say anything or even move for that matter. I even asked her if she was going to do something, walk away, or slap me, or report me, but nothing happened. I told her a few things that would improve the store, and believe it or not, I took a programming class in which we built an inventory system, I told her how to improve and modernize the inventory system, which they did end up implementing.
> 
> ...


Interesting read dispite the unhappy ending...thanx for sharing..


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## 323cheezy (Oct 24, 2011)

Farfenugen said:


> That sort of happend to a friend of mine back when he was in college. He goes to his gf's house (she lives with her mom), they have one too many drinks, end up passing out in her bedroom. He wakes up to find the gf has left for school but that his dick is being sucked, turns out it was the mom giving him one, she thought he was still out of it. Needless to say, he didn't mention anything, both he and the gf's mom had this thing go on for over a year until the gf found out. Messed up family.


Once when i was in high school ... i passed out on some cheap liquor me and my friends bought ...and i couldnt wake up so i stay at the chicks house we had been chilling at ... all the sudden i wake up ....only to find out i was being raped by her lil sister..
Was nothing crazy ... i think she just got off and went to sleep as did i but it was awkward cause the next day the mom and sisters drove me home at 8 in the mourning...


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## Nusky (Oct 24, 2011)

lol, now that I think about it, the first thing I said right after she said it was "you bitch you!" then after that my muscles in my lungs were spasming back in forth and I couldn't get any words out. I was humping the shit out of the wall, like you could hear it, and I swear to god it felt like I was fucking her, then I just stopped kinda tilted my head and made a huhhh? kinda sound because I realized she wasn't getting any pleasure at all out of this, then I look down and realize I wasn't even doing her.

Erotic hypnosis is some pretty serious shit lol, I highly recommend you guys try it out. I can't guarantee you will get off like I did though. Look up jackpot no hands on thepiratebay, put it on an MP3 player with some good headphones and just relax on the bed and do what she tells you to do. It's not even sexual things that she tells you to do. It's like when I say this picture something that makes you relax, when I say this picture your favourit sexual experience. At first you have to force your self to think about these things, but very quickly it just comes in as automatic flashes and it just gets more and more intense as you do it.


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## 323cheezy (Oct 24, 2011)

haha....ill look into that ..nusky


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## MediMaryUser (Oct 25, 2011)

i been sprayin alot of skeet but still no crazy stories .....


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## 323cheezy (Oct 26, 2011)

if u like skeet stories..
pages 1 threw 5 are good for you....


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## The Byronic Man (Oct 28, 2011)

Once upon a time, when the Jager flowed free and the green was in VERY healthy supply, I attended a party. At this party, I met two EXTREMELY hot redheads (That's my thing. LOOVE the gingers...) These two busty young ladys proceeded to escort me to the host's spare bedroom and commence to the dual-doming (\m/ fuck yeah!) Then we got into doin the hippity-dippity. Unbeknownst to me, the rest of the partiers were plotting a way to embarrass me (Which I have found to be REALLY fuckin hard to do) After an hour and a half into us doin the dirty, EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE burst into the room. The two beauties I was just plowing into oblivion dove under the covers, leaving me with no way to hide my kuttlefish. So, instead of going all red-faced and shamed, I stood up on the bed (much to the surprise of EVERYONE) and stagedived into the crowd of on-lookers. Attempted to, anyways. The ceiling fan was on, and just as I left the bed, I said to myself, 'Shit.' 

Needless to say, the whirling fan-blade struck on the forehead, and down I went. When I got up, someone in the room passed me his joint, and said, "Here you go. You need this more than I do.."

I finished that threesome proudly that same night.


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## thump easy (Oct 28, 2011)

Does she farted count not a cweef but a fart that made my eyes water


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## 323cheezy (Oct 28, 2011)

The Byronic Man said:


> Once upon a time, when the Jager flowed free and the green was in VERY healthy supply, I attended a party. At this party, I met two EXTREMELY hot redheads (That's my thing. LOOVE the gingers...) These two busty young ladys proceeded to escort me to the host's spare bedroom and commence to the dual-doming (\m/ fuck yeah!) Then we got into doin the hippity-dippity. Unbeknownst to me, the rest of the partiers were plotting a way to embarrass me (Which I have found to be REALLY fuckin hard to do) After an hour and a half into us doin the dirty, EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE burst into the room. The two beauties I was just plowing into oblivion dove under the covers, leaving me with no way to hide my kuttlefish. So, instead of going all red-faced and shamed, I stood up on the bed (much to the surprise of EVERYONE) and stagedived into the crowd of on-lookers. Attempted to, anyways. The ceiling fan was on, and just as I left the bed, I said to myself, 'Shit.'
> 
> Needless to say, the whirling fan-blade struck on the forehead, and down I went. When I got up, someone in the room passed me his joint, and said, "Here you go. You need this more than I do.."
> 
> I finished that threesome proudly that same night.


nice touch..... i love the way you write.... so eloquently..... make the story so much more interesting....
Sounds like your some big celeb or something....
Anyhow great story and use of the word kuttlefish...lol
oh and sorry bout your head....


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## 323cheezy (Oct 28, 2011)

thump easy said:


> Does she farted count not a cweef but a fart that made my eyes water


thats just down right discussting.... but it actually doesnt meet the criteria of bein a crazy welll documented story...
lol your eyes watered ......damn!
funny nonetheless...


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## @emilyshrouds (Jun 23, 2013)

She's too old for you bro


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## @emilyshrouds (Jun 23, 2013)

My friends dad is soo sexy. I'd do the hell outta him.


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## BygonEra (Jun 26, 2013)

@emilyshrouds said:


> My friends dad is soo sexy. I'd do the hell outta him.


Bahahahahah I like how this chick joined RIU to bring up a 2 yr old thread by posting about having the hots for her friends dad...


That is fantastic. You're awesome @emilyshrouds.


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## Zombiegirlloves (Nov 2, 2013)

Ok so lol I'm a newb at this, and so this isn't that good right now...

so my friend was parting, she needed a lift, but she didn't call me, so she went with this guy, waiting to get a taxi, and then she was like where do you live? And the dudes high as fuck, so try go to his house, and they like f**k and stuff, but then the next morning, they wake up, and my friend is like hi and she is blushing, and the eat some Doritos and then she just leaves.


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## Zombiegirlloves (Nov 2, 2013)

Like wtf girl!?


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## tyler.durden (Nov 2, 2013)

Zombiegirlloves said:


> Ok so lol I'm a newb at this, and so this isn't that good right now...
> 
> so my friend was parting, she needed a lift, but she didn't call me, so she went with this guy, waiting to get a taxi, and then she was like where do you live? And the dudes high as fuck, so try go to his house, and they like f**k and stuff, but then the next morning, they wake up, and my friend is like hi and she is blushing, and the eat some Doritos and then she just leaves.


Dude, that story was HOT! I busted, like, three nuts before getting all the way through it. And Crazy! Doritos??? I was like, WTF, seriously? Doritos? That's crazy. Thanks for posting, man...


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## Zombiegirlloves (Nov 5, 2013)

tyler.durden said:


> Dude, that story was HOT! I busted, like, three nuts before getting all the way through it. And Crazy! Doritos??? I was like, WTF, seriously? Doritos? That's crazy. Thanks for posting, man...


Thanks ill have more to come soon just have to remember them lol


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## Zombiegirlloves (Nov 5, 2013)

So my other friend was home alone, and the neighbor came in. She was high, and she just looked at one of them and said "hi dad." Then she offered them some pot, and patted the seat next to her. After a while, she took off her pants, and shirt. She gave him a lap dance. And he called his friend, and he came over. When he got there they had a hot threesome, and now they fuck like that almost every day. I don't know how she hasn't gotten pregnant, but hey not me so I don't really care.


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## UncleBuck (Nov 5, 2013)

Zombiegirlloves said:


> So my other friend was home alone, and the neighbor came in. She was high, and she just looked at one of them and said "hi dad." Then she offered them some pot, and patted the seat next to her. After a while, she took off her pants, and shirt. She gave him a lap dance. And he called his friend, and he came over. When he got there they had a hot threesome, and now they fuck like that almost every day. I don't know how she hasn't gotten pregnant, but hey not me so I don't really care.


no doritos?

wtf.

1/10, can not masturbate, did not nut.


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## mr sunshine (Nov 6, 2013)

One time i was fucking this chick in the ass i was drunk so i didnt notice all the shit on my dick till it was caked on . So i pull out give my cock a tug and get all this shit on my hand. I was grossed out to say the least ,well anyway i end up rubbing it on her back and keep fucking her. I gave her a shit back massage till i nutted then i showered. O then i ate a bag of doritos!


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## ebgood (Nov 9, 2013)

i banged a friends mom when i was 16. to this day, the most magical thing thats happened in my life


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