# Nine Years Trapped Inside My Own Head



## CanadianCoyote (May 5, 2008)

Whoooookay. I usually don't talk about this, as it really makes me sound crazy, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Nine years ago I was a total mess. I was dealing with a lot of shit that a 15-year-old shouldn't have to deal with and I was coming apart at the seams. The doctor put me on anti-depressants and I've been on them ever since. Every day I take a handful of pills that cost disgusting amounts of money and about six months ago I decided that I'd had enough. 

I went to my doctor and told him that I wanted out. He said we'd have to ween me off gradually, very very very slowly, as coming off the particular med I'm on can cause some serious problems (not just mental ones). I've been reducing the dose steadily ever since, and it's felt like waking up out of a long and boring dream.

I thought the pills weren't helping my problem, but it seems that they WERE the problem. It seems I've forgotten what it's really like to FEEL things. My happy times are HAPPY, I actually feel GOOD. I'm more motivated to do ANYTHING than I have been in nearly a decade. Sure, I get bummed sometimes, but I know how to deal with it (as I'm not 15 and vulnerable anymore). I feel more social and ambitious and confident, things that I rarely seemed to have before. 

What sucks is that every time I reduce my dose, even a bit, I'm sick for at least a week. And not just feeling drowsy and uggy, I mean shaking and occasional puking and downright scary states of mania and depression, switching between the two at a moment's notice. That goes away and I level out, and when it's happening I at least KNOW what's causing it, but it still sucks. When I'm lucky enough to have weed, I find that even smoking one bowl a day (usually when I wake up) helps my mood and the shaking/puking thing. I'm tempted to mention it to the doctor, but I'm not sure how he'd take it. 

And, as a side benefit, I've been losing weight like mad. I haven't been doing anything differently with my eating and exercise habits (which really aren't all that bad), but since I've been coming off the meds the weight is just melting off of me. I've lost nearly 25 pounds since January. 

Yet, even as I try and free myself my doctor is hinting that I might be happier on another med. Try something new. The idea disgusts me, really. He said I might need them in order to be a stable, happy person. I told him that I have no idea who I am without the meds, so how on Earth am I supposed to know if I need them or not. I really wanna see just WHO THE HELL I AM without expensive and useless happy pills coursing through my veins, making me feel like a zombie. If how I feel NOW is any indication, I think I'll be a better person and I'm positive I'll like myself more.

This Wednesday, I'll be reducing the dose again. After this, I have one more reduction until I'm free. My doctor has warned me that this last few legs are going to be really tough, but I'm determined. As long as I keep an eye on myself I should be okay.

I think anti-depressants are evil. Yes, they can help people - and some people do need them, but doctors pass them out like candy and when you find they don't work they'll just hand you some more. At one point, a few years ago, I was on five different medications (Effexor XR, Welbutrin XL, Abilify, Lamictal, Paxil XR). They did NOTHING. I'd go back to the doctor, say they weren't working, and she'd just hand me something new and ignore me when I said I didn't want to be on anything else. "This'll work in conjuction with the others". I dumped her, obviously, and I managed to get off all but two of them. I got rid of one of those about a year later. 

This last med is Effexor XR, and my doctor has told me horror stories about other people who tried to get off of it. Some of them had to open the capsules and take out two of the little beads per day in order to shake it, and they STILL got sick. 

I'm gonna do it, though. 

Go ahead, make fun of me! I'm a crazy mental patient that's screwing Them All by not taking my meds. That's the attitude people seem to have, anyway...

Love and Peace,
CanadianCoyote


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## blinkykush (May 5, 2008)

i'm not gonna make fun of you. mental disorders are a real and serious thing, that effects millions of people everyday. I myself am on a fine cocktail of high grade KUSH and 10mg of lexapro per day. I feel better than I ever have I got on the lexapro 4 months ago because I gave alchohol up and it has helped with the mental implications that the booze can do to your brain over time. well anyways that is good that you feel better getting off of your meds, but keep in mind down the road if you ever gotta get back on it took me 3 different ones to find what works for me. AND you cannot drink on mental meds:_


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## fdd2blk (May 5, 2008)

you need more weed. i've been thru something similar. not as extreme but very similar. weed saved me. all those feelings just melt away with 2 good tokes. it works EVERY time. my Dr still gives me pills but i don't take them. i have a "second" Dr now whose advice i follow.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 5, 2008)

Anti-depressants DO work very will when kicking alcohol. A good friend of mine who was a serious alcoholic for years responded really well to Lexapro as well. After he did medical detox, that is. Glad to say he's doing great now! Smokes more bud than ever. XD

I don't like drinking all that much, really. Once in awhile I'll get drunk, but not stumbling-falling-down drunk. I like having one or two beer now and then, mostly in the summer when I can enjoy 'em outside.



blinkykush said:


> i'm not gonna make fun of you. mental disorders are a real and serious thing, that effects millions of people everyday. I myself am on a fine cocktail of high grade KUSH and 10mg of lexapro per day. I feel better than I ever have I got on the lexapro 4 months ago because I gave alchohol up and it has helped with the mental implications that the booze can do to your brain over time. well anyways that is good that you feel better getting off of your meds, but keep in mind down the road if you ever gotta get back on it took me 3 different ones to find what works for me. AND you cannot drink on mental meds:_


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## CanadianCoyote (May 5, 2008)

Ohh ... I'd LOVE to have more weed. But it's difficult to say "Gee Ma, instead of spending the $120 on my worthless meds, give me that money so I can buy a fat ounce of kick-ass hydro."

My state has a medical marijuana bill on the ballot for this November's election. If that passes, I'm positive I'll qualify. My Ma's only objection to weed is its illegality. 

Money is tight as it is, and when I earn a bit of money it usually goes to help with bills or rent or cigs. I'm searching for a job, desperately, but ask anyone else from Michigan - it's easier to find crack cocaine than a job, even a minimum-wage shirt-folding deal at Sears. 



fdd2blk said:


> you need more weed. i've been thru something similar. not as extreme but very similar. weed saved me. all those feelings just melt away with 2 good tokes. it works EVERY time. my Dr still gives me pills but i don't take them. i have a "second" Dr now whose advice i follow.


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## fdd2blk (May 5, 2008)

i love an ice cold beer. i hate getting drunk. i need near-beer. lol 

the thing about pot is there are different strains that have different effects on people. so will bring you down, some will pick you up. a lot of people just think "stoned" when you say pot. it's not like that for me. 90% of the time you would not know i was high.


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## fdd2blk (May 5, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> Ohh ... I'd LOVE to have more weed. But it's difficult to say "Gee Ma, instead of spending the $120 on my worthless meds, give me that money so I can buy a fat ounce of kick-ass hydro."
> 
> My state has a medical marijuana bill on the ballot for this November's election. If that passes, I'm positive I'll qualify. My Ma's only objection to weed is its illegality.
> 
> Money is tight as it is, and when I earn a bit of money it usually goes to help with bills or rent or cigs. I'm searching for a job, desperately, but ask anyone else from Michigan - it's easier to find crack cocaine than a job, even a minimum-wage shirt-folding deal at Sears.


i hope for the best in Nov. then you can spend your med money on grow lights.


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## Stinkystu (May 5, 2008)

I hear ya man...Im a partially disabled Vet. and Ive been suffering from 1 or more disorders for the past 9 years. My doctor put me on somthing like Cyto-lopram or somthing along those lines and within 3 weeks I felt like a zombie. I went back for my monthly check-up and refused any and all drugs. after about 8 months of becoming more and more reclusive a friend suggested that I try different strains to see if that would make a difference. I found my strain (Super Skunk-Aero grown) and I have never felt better. I have a very active life now without the groggy zombie like effect of the pharmaceuticals. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.


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## blinkykush (May 5, 2008)

Fdd its so true, My guy had a new strain today and i had been loving the buzz i was getting from the old stuff he was giving me.....when i got the new O and sampled it today the high was so much more energetic and dizzy. the dro smelled and looked amazing but the high just wasnt as pleasant for me as the old stuff........lol tangent,,,,Anyways not all weed will agree with everyone, some strains will some wont.


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## Stoney McFried (May 5, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> Whoooookay. I usually don't talk about this, as it really makes me sound crazy, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
> 
> Nine years ago I was a total mess. I was dealing with a lot of shit that a 15-year-old shouldn't have to deal with and I was coming apart at the seams. The doctor put me on anti-depressants and I've been on them ever since. Every day I take a handful of pills that cost disgusting amounts of money and about six months ago I decided that I'd had enough.
> 
> ...


I myself have a family history of clinical depression...my father's mother committed suicide. I have also tried as well, as a teenager. Currently, I take prozac. But i dont take two pills a day, as my doctor wants...I only take one or two when my lows get so low I can't stand it anymore. The only thing that helps with the rage I get is ....well...herbs. Those I prescribe myself once or twice a month....and its the only thing that truly keeps me sane. I'm not going to go into all the crap that goes on in my head. I've always prided myself on being able to control whatever it is thats in me.....sometimes I just take a little help. I've found out more and more about my dad, and I realize he couldnt control it as well, and he was a tough old timer. I just want to say I know what youre saying...but its very hard to explain to someone who doesnt have to go through it.


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## euthanatos93420 (May 6, 2008)

Bipolar here also found that pharmies suck. Weed rocks. Give it a couple of years tokin and you'll probably come to a point where you don't need to smoke anymore. I've come to a poit where don't smoke for long periods at a time and i'll smoke every now and then.


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## Stoney McFried (May 6, 2008)

euthanatos93420 said:


> Bipolar here also found that pharmies suck. Weed rocks. Give it a couple of years tokin and you'll probably come to a point where you don't need to smoke anymore. I've come to a poit where don't smoke for long periods at a time and i'll smoke every now and then.


The only pharms that I found do work are the ADHD meds my doc gives me...basically legal speed...wow are those fun...I can clean a whole house in an hour with a toothbrush and a bar of soap.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

I knew a guy who was on ADHD pharms ... he hated them, so he sold them to his fellow college students. Made a killing 'round exam time. 



Stoney McFried said:


> The only pharms that I found do work are the ADHD meds my doc gives me...basically legal speed...wow are those fun...I can clean a whole house in an hour with a toothbrush and a bar of soap.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

Out of everything I've ever tried -- weed has helped me the most. Best for stress, mood and just about everything else.



euthanatos93420 said:


> Bipolar here also found that pharmies suck. Weed rocks. Give it a couple of years tokin and you'll probably come to a point where you don't need to smoke anymore. I've come to a poit where don't smoke for long periods at a time and i'll smoke every now and then.


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## Stoney McFried (May 6, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> I knew a guy who was on ADHD pharms ... he hated them, so he sold them to his fellow college students. Made a killing 'round exam time.


Yeah, if I took them every day like my doc wants, I'd never sleep and be dehydrated as hell


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

First off -- I'd like to thank you for serving your country (be it US or Canada). I have nothing but reverence for those who serve in the military. My brother served in the Canadian military for many years, and he wants to go back but he can't due to an existing medical condition. Even before he served, I've always respected soldiers.

Secondly -- I do know anti-depressants can be effective, but they don't work for everyone. But the attitude is that they work all the time and if they're not working for you than YOU are at fault. That's how I feel, anyway. 

And, as I was typing this, I've had A&E on in the background. Three commercials for three different anti-depressants have aired. The amount of money made from these drugs is ... well, it's disgusting. Making billions off of people's misery without really caring how things end up....

I'm not against making money. Capitalism is good! But not when it harms people.

As for feeling like a zombie ... well, you're not depressed anymore. You're not much of anything anymore. Happiness is muted and fleeting. Sadness is there but not, always lurking under the surface and waiting for the right time to strangle you.




Stinkystu said:


> I hear ya man...Im a partially disabled Vet. and Ive been suffering from 1 or more disorders for the past 9 years. My doctor put me on somthing like Cyto-lopram or somthing along those lines and within 3 weeks I felt like a zombie. I went back for my monthly check-up and refused any and all drugs. after about 8 months of becoming more and more reclusive a friend suggested that I try different strains to see if that would make a difference. I found my strain (Super Skunk-Aero grown) and I have never felt better. I have a very active life now without the groggy zombie like effect of the pharmaceuticals. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

Aye, I bet if you said something to the doc about it they'd add another med. 



Stoney McFried said:


> Yeah, if I took them every day like my doc wants, I'd never sleep and be dehydrated as hell


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

Gotta admit, the search for the right strain has to be the best part. ^^ 



blinkykush said:


> Fdd its so true, My guy had a new strain today and i had been loving the buzz i was getting from the old stuff he was giving me.....when i got the new O and sampled it today the high was so much more energetic and dizzy. the dro smelled and looked amazing but the high just wasnt as pleasant for me as the old stuff........lol tangent,,,,Anyways not all weed will agree with everyone, some strains will some wont.


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## Stoney McFried (May 6, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> Gotta admit, the search for the right strain has to be the best part. ^^


I hate panic weed...gahhh had that once or twice...and yes my doc is happy about adding more meds...but hes old school I guess....so I just stockpile my meds for when i may be too short on cash to buy them and really need them.


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## euthanatos93420 (May 6, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> I'm not against making money. Capitalism is good! But not when it harms people.


It isn't capitalism when the governement steps in to enforcably regulate laws (Or in some cases, a lack thereof) in favor of pharmacutical empires.

I've also experimented wtih Savlia and DXM in a handful singular therapudic sessions over the past 4 years with a moderate amount of success. They don't help his sociability but they have helped his perspective and ability to handle mood swings on a day to day and sober basis.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 6, 2008)

Damn, you have a good point there. I never really thought about it that way.




euthanatos93420 said:


> It isn't capitalism when the governement steps in to enforcably regulate laws (Or in some cases, a lack thereof) in favor of pharmacutical empires.


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## blinkykush (May 7, 2008)

have you seen my baseball?


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## tokintwin (May 7, 2008)

im a minor and im goin thru sum shit im on bipolar meds and anti-depressants if i say like its not working or sumthing they increase the mg and then i get nacious from those fuckin zolofts i hate meds i just wanna toke and be a regular kid=[ if only it were that easy


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## CanadianCoyote (May 7, 2008)

Baseball...? *suspicious* Why?



blinkykush said:


> have you seen my baseball?


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## CanadianCoyote (May 7, 2008)

Whatever you do -- don't let them find out you toke until you're at least 18. 20 to be safe. 



tokintwin said:


> im a minor and im goin thru sum shit im on bipolar meds and anti-depressants if i say like its not working or sumthing they increase the mg and then i get nacious from those fuckin zolofts i hate meds i just wanna toke and be a regular kid=[ if only it were that easy


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## MatsuMist (May 7, 2008)

Have you found the source of your depression?
- I've never actually been "Depressed", obviously i've felt like shit before, in a mental state and a physical state, but never diagnosed with depression.

IMO. western medicine and medical practice is bullshit.

I think the worst thing to do is actually take the medicine, like you're saying you get sick when you wing yourself off of them.
thats what they want to happen, so you go back in, get something else and spend a lot more money. its all about money and keeping the population sick. repeat customers.

I believe every sickness/disease has a opposite, ie a cure whether or not we know what it is is a different story.

I would recommend obviously more of the jane if at all possible.

I have personally experiences of healing physical pain with weed, and i would imagine you could get yourself on track and in stable condition. but first of all, try and get off all types of medical pills, real healthy diet, not to many fatty foods, and get out in nature.

good luck in your journey, and may the weed be with you.


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## Hydrotech364 (May 7, 2008)

*I live on a dead end road way out in a natl forest.I have P.T.S.D and anxiety i think i inherited from my mom,shot two men on this property different times.i take 2mg of xanax a day,I know everyone hates them,the va will give me anything but them.so i have to see a crooked dr to get them.weed and xanax are my only vices.my dad says ill be handing out the fucking watchtower if i quit anything else,hes a state official [ret]anyway if there is anything out there that produces the same calming effect please let me know.anxiety is hard to describe and ptsd is something you people dont need to know about,war is hell!!!!
i dont fear any man or anything,its a different kind of feeling,worthlessness worry about everything.people plotting against you etc.....but if anyone knows something that would work plz post it.i have taken everything.else i know how they feel bro.i hope it all works out man,peace
*


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## closet.cult (May 8, 2008)

9 years ago i was excommunicated from my church. i was disowned by my family. i fell into heavy drug experimentation. i was then robbed at gunpoint, in my apartment, stripped naked.

i was put on butran, xxanex and prozac- all together, to keep me from going mad. about two months in I realized THEY were helping me go mad by deadening my emotions behind the haze of mind-clouding medications. i quit them all cold-turkey and just stuck with weed, everyday.

if you're diagnosed with depression, but its just from external forces in your life, not internal chemical imbalances, try to get off the drug company's poisons as soon as possible. cannabis is the best medicine for depression. it's the best medicine for a host of physical and mental problems. the drug companies know it. the government knows it. THAT'S why it is illegal.

you are not alone. good luck as you transverse your life in all it's full, lucid glory. high!, not doped up.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 8, 2008)

MatsuMist said:


> Have you found the source of your depression?
> - I've never actually been "Depressed", obviously i've felt like shit before, in a mental state and a physical state, but never diagnosed with depression.
> 
> ((Depression has many sources, and I can't really pin mine on any one thing. It's a combination of things, really. I'm prone to it as I have a family history on both sides (at least, relatives on both sides have been put on medication), but I really feel like the medicine is impeding me instead of helping me. In the end, it's how *I* feel that really counts.))
> ...


Thank you. Thank you so much!


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## MatsuMist (May 8, 2008)

> ((I'm working on that. Weed is a double-edged sword though ... sure, it'll cut down on my depression, but it'll also prevent me from getting a job (drug tests a'plenty...). I'll figure things out, though. I have to, so I will.))


Live by the sword, die by the sword.
-I hear ya on the drug testing, the biggest invasion of privacy known to man.

i've had a few run ins at testing places and haven't turned out good, missed a few good jobs because of it. But i believe i am a better person today because i was real about it, and i've gotten through some tough times when only the chronic was with me.

I read its been a pain to find a job in MI. that is unfortunate have you considered moving, or is all the family in the area?(my moms side moved from allegan/plainwell area where my gramps was born and raised)

obviously i don't know your entire situation, but maybe a change of pace or direction would help out, get the ball rolling.

Back to the original quote, I would say, being in good health is more important than a job. All you need to survive is, food, water, shelter and clothing, while these things all cost money, there are ways around it.


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## RandomJesus (May 8, 2008)

hydrotech364 said:


> *I live on a dead end road way out in a natl forest.I have P.T.S.D and anxiety i think i inherited from my mom,shot two men on this property different times.i take 2mg of xanax a day,I know everyone hates them,the va will give me anything but them.so i have to see a crooked dr to get them.weed and xanax are my only vices.my dad says ill be handing out the fucking watchtower if i quit anything else,hes a state official [ret]anyway if there is anything out there that produces the same calming effect please let me know.anxiety is hard to describe and ptsd is something you people dont need to know about,war is hell!!!!
> i dont fear any man or anything,its a different kind of feeling,worthlessness worry about everything.people plotting against you etc.....but if anyone knows something that would work plz post it.i have taken everything.else i know how they feel bro.i hope it all works out man,peace
> 
> 
> *


*I have PTSD some days are worse than others, But what you wrote struck a chord in me...that's how I feel*


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## CanadianCoyote (May 8, 2008)

There are certain strains of weed that have a powerful calming effect that also help depression. I believe the "Strawberry Cough" strain is one of the best for that sort of thing. Research strains, chances are you'll find one to fit your needs. 

Xanax can be good for temporary relief of stress an anxiety, but taking it for long periods of time can create a horrible dependency on it. There's a reason doctor's don't like to prescribe it, it's highly addictive and has a lot of "potential abuse" qualities. If you can, I'd recommend getting off the Xanax as soon as possible.

I'd recommend finding a therapist to talk to. The VA would definitely help you there. While it's tempting to control your symptoms with pills, I think talking out your demons would help. That's just my two cents, just a suggestion. It's hard to talk about shit, especially horrendous and life-altering shit, but if you don't talk about it it eats your insides. If you DO go to a therapist, be open and up front about your marijuana use. You'd be surprised. Make sure you're going to a THERAPIST and not a PSYCHIATRIST. The psych'll dope you up so fast ... 

Weed is a wonderful thing, and I hope it's helping you. It's certainly better for you (mentally and physically) than the Xanax. Just hang in there, that's all any of us can do. 



hydrotech364 said:


> *I live on a dead end road way out in a natl forest.I have P.T.S.D and anxiety i think i inherited from my mom,shot two men on this property different times.i take 2mg of xanax a day,I know everyone hates them,the va will give me anything but them.so i have to see a crooked dr to get them.weed and xanax are my only vices.my dad says ill be handing out the fucking watchtower if i quit anything else,hes a state official [ret]anyway if there is anything out there that produces the same calming effect please let me know.anxiety is hard to describe and ptsd is something you people dont need to know about,war is hell!!!!
> i dont fear any man or anything,its a different kind of feeling,worthlessness worry about everything.people plotting against you etc.....but if anyone knows something that would work plz post it.i have taken everything.else i know how they feel bro.i hope it all works out man,peace
> *


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## Stoney McFried (May 8, 2008)

hydrotech364 said:


> *I live on a dead end road way out in a natl forest.I have P.T.S.D and anxiety i think i inherited from my mom,shot two men on this property different times.i take 2mg of xanax a day,I know everyone hates them,the va will give me anything but them.so i have to see a crooked dr to get them.weed and xanax are my only vices.my dad says ill be handing out the fucking watchtower if i quit anything else,hes a state official [ret]anyway if there is anything out there that produces the same calming effect please let me know.anxiety is hard to describe and ptsd is something you people dont need to know about,war is hell!!!!
> i dont fear any man or anything,its a different kind of feeling,worthlessness worry about everything.people plotting against you etc.....but if anyone knows something that would work plz post it.i have taken everything.else i know how they feel bro.i hope it all works out man,peace
> *


 I know what anxiety is like...I barely leave my house because of it. I'm telling you what worked for me...herbs, and visualization. For a long time I controlled my mind by getting into a meditative state, envisioning my brain and the anxiety and depression as darkness engulfing it. I would use a white light as a purifier and push it out of my brain. You'd be surprised at the resistance you feel. I did this over and over until things were "clean" and then i washed it in blue light to heal. Yes, it probably sounds like a bunch of new age bullshit, but it kept my dad's leukemia in remission for 15 years. You can do anything with your mind...you just have to train it.



CanadianCoyote said:


> There are certain strains of weed that have a powerful calming effect that also help depression. I believe the "Strawberry Cough" strain is one of the best for that sort of thing. Research strains, chances are you'll find one to fit your needs.
> 
> Xanax can be good for temporary relief of stress an anxiety, but taking it for long periods of time can create a horrible dependency on it. There's a reason doctor's don't like to prescribe it, it's highly addictive and has a lot of "potential abuse" qualities. If you can, I'd recommend getting off the Xanax as soon as possible.
> 
> ...


While I agree with your post, I'd like to interject that for some such as myself, therapy is not the way to go. I hate having my head picked, and I'm stubborn as all get out. I want to rely on myself....must be a childhood thing but I hate to be weak. And I believe that your mind is the master control to your body...a lot can be done with it, in terms of healing. However, I dont recommend telling therapists about marijuana use. Theyre not your friend...theyre your therapist...and if for any reason your medical records are subpoenaed, well, there ya go.


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## Seamaiden (May 8, 2008)

I have a lot of questions for you, but I need to get showered up. I am STUNNED at the number and types of meds your doc has had you on. Just STUNNED.

Curious, first, what are your diagnoses? Are you prepared to reintroduce any meds if the weed doesn't help you as you'd hoped?


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## CanadianCoyote (May 8, 2008)

I was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder. My major problem then (and even now) is motivation. Getting myself to do anything for any reason was hard, and whenever I expressed this they'd either increase my dose or put me on a new med. 

I remember the exact moment I got fed up with the pills. I was about to take them and I counted the number of pills in my hand and realized that they were not the path to better health. My current doctor said my last doctor was "irresponsible" for putting me on those meds. It's scary, as you're supposed to trust these people with your lives but I wonder sometimes ... do they even care?

If my depression and anxiety come back with a vengence (read: get to a point where I can't manage on my own), I've conceded to trying something else. But, if I have my way, I'll kiss the pills goodbye forever.



Seamaiden said:


> I have a lot of questions for you, but I need to get showered up. I am STUNNED at the number and types of meds your doc has had you on. Just STUNNED.
> 
> Curious, first, what are your diagnoses? Are you prepared to reintroduce any meds if the weed doesn't help you as you'd hoped?


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## CanadianCoyote (May 8, 2008)

That IS true ... there isn't one thing that's a cure-all for everyone. If there was, nobody'd be depressed anymore. It's good to try different things.

I'm not sure if therapy records count as a medical record, as therapists (once again NOT PSYCHIATRISTS) don't have a license to practice medicine. Some psychs act as therapists as well, but I mean the kind that don't have a PhD at the end of their name. 

Visualization and meditation have helped me loads, it's about conditioning your mind to think in a different way. Positive thinking is ALWAYS a good thing!



Stoney McFried said:


> I know what anxiety is like...I barely leave my house because of it. I'm telling you what worked for me...herbs, and visualization. For a long time I controlled my mind by getting into a meditative state, envisioning my brain and the anxiety and depression as darkness engulfing it. I would use a white light as a purifier and push it out of my brain. You'd be surprised at the resistance you feel. I did this over and over until things were "clean" and then i washed it in blue light to heal. Yes, it probably sounds like a bunch of new age bullshit, but it kept my dad's leukemia in remission for 15 years. You can do anything with your mind...you just have to train it.
> 
> 
> While I agree with your post, I'd like to interject that for some such as myself, therapy is not the way to go. I hate having my head picked, and I'm stubborn as all get out. I want to rely on myself....must be a childhood thing but I hate to be weak. And I believe that your mind is the master control to your body...a lot can be done with it, in terms of healing. However, I dont recommend telling therapists about marijuana use. Theyre not your friend...theyre your therapist...and if for any reason your medical records are subpoenaed, well, there ya go.


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## Stoney McFried (May 9, 2008)

Hm....then if theyre not a doctor technically...are they bound by the same confidentiality agreement?


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## euthanatos93420 (May 9, 2008)

YEs, Mental health practicioners at all level are bound by confidentiality agreements


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## soulflyx2k (May 9, 2008)

I really have only one suggestion. 
Maybe you guys are already into it. But I'm just trying to help, so here ya go!
This is directed to anyone felling even remotely depressed, or curious.
The advice is to read some books, and actually practice the stuff in them.

A overview of the these books: Stuff that is absent from mainstream culture, but is vital to happiness as well as balance.

*Mantak Chia*
Awaken Healing Energy Through the Tao
Healing Love Through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy
Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy
Transforming Stress Into Vitality

*Anything by Stewart Swerdlow....*
-Blue Blood, True Blood: Conflict and Creation
-The True Reality of Sexuality
-Journey Into Hyperspace

*Sangra Ingerman*
Shamanic Journeying 

Everyone just is in search of Energy...High Energy is happiness, energy leaks lead into depression. Leaks can be physical or metaphysical or psychic... These books will help to seal the leaks. We as humans do not need to search outside ourself for energy source, But when we deplete our energy... usually we have no other choice but to seek EXTERNAL ENERGY. So Either you don't know that you have a inextinguishable INTERNAL ENERGY supply, or you think it is too difficult to achieve. It really comes down to the point of... ARE YOU ACTUALLY READY TO FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY? Or do you still want to keep digging deeper. You cant know peace until you have had suffering.

Again, I can't help you. I can only help you help yourself.
=D Enjoy, Any questions, Ask!

Edit:
As far as the energy stuff goes, when looking at the Two Sexes, Practices really break down into the individual sex at first. 
However, Once the energy leaks are sealed it becomes very general, and the two sexes are generally the same.


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## soulflyx2k (May 10, 2008)

that font hurts my brain =|


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## pokey (May 10, 2008)

fdd2blk said:


> the thing about pot is there are different strains that have different effects on people. so will bring you down, some will pick you up. a lot of people just think "stoned" when you say pot. it's not like that for me. 90% of the time you would not know i was high.


Could you give me a list of your strains that people can't tell you are high?


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## MatsuMist (May 11, 2008)

Its more of the way you present your self, than strains IMO.

I smoke down before i go to work every morning for the last year. I work at 100% everyday and have one of the more difficult and multitasking jobs in the place. But I also don't need to hide it since, there are only a few people who start at the same time and they're usually smoking with me.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 11, 2008)

Thanks for the book recs! I'll check them out when I have time. I've found that D.J. Conway's books are helpful with meditation (especially "Flying Without a Broom").

Relaxation has to be practiced and practiced hard, ironically. ^^



soulflyx2k said:


> I really have only one suggestion.
> Maybe you guys are already into it. But I'm just trying to help, so here ya go!
> This is directed to anyone felling even remotely depressed, or curious.
> The advice is to read some books, and actually practice the stuff in them.
> ...


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## CanadianCoyote (May 11, 2008)

Ugh, I can't be stoned when I'm working. I've tried, and it just doesn't work for me. 



MatsuMist said:


> Its more of the way you present your self, than strains IMO.
> 
> I smoke down before i go to work every morning for the last year. I work at 100% everyday and have one of the more difficult and multitasking jobs in the place. But I also don't need to hide it since, there are only a few people who start at the same time and they're usually smoking with me.


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## soulflyx2k (May 11, 2008)

Be at one with the wind
Even if it's a struggle
Make this your priority


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## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

Y'know, this actually gave me a lift. I'm in the middle of a dose-reduction-induced state of mania (LET'S CLEAN OUR ROOM AT 3:30AM! AND MAKE SURE ALL THE PICTURES IN THE HOUSE ARE STRAIGHT!! HOLY SHIT, WE HAVE MUFFIN MIX! I'M GONNA MAKE MUFFINS!!) ... when this wears off, I'm going to be a slug that's praying for death to come. 

Gonna hang in there, though. 



soulflyx2k said:


> Be at one with the wind
> Even if it's a struggle
> Make this your priority


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## Dfunk (May 22, 2008)

Cannabis is illegal mostly beacause of it's positive effects. Just think, If more people were using the world would much more peaceful. This is not good world business simply because it would hurt money. More high people=less wars & better understanding of one another=less profits for the international bankers. It's so much more profitable being illegal because they can fund government operations to eradicate crops & this in turn produces more revenue for the banks because of that wonderful thing our money has attached to it called INTEREST!


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## tokintwin (May 22, 2008)

they know now


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## CanadianCoyote (May 23, 2008)

If I recall correctly, it was made illegal in the first place because of a racial issue more than anything else.


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## Dfunk (May 23, 2008)

That's what they want you to think. You should check out a film on Google called Esoteric Agenda, it was very interesting.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 23, 2008)

Really? I'll have to check that out!

Right now, I'm heading out for the weekend. Haven't been away from the house in months and months ... It's gonna be sweet!



Dfunk said:


> That's what they want you to think. You should check out a film on Google called Esoteric Agenda, it was very interesting.


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## Dfunk (May 23, 2008)

Have fun - it's important!


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## Dank O Licious (May 23, 2008)

Dude, your doc just wants you to buy the pills( more $$ for her). tell him/her to go fuck himself/herself and get off them meds. its all in your head man.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 25, 2008)

That's what I'm up to. ^^ It's gonna take awhile, as stopping these meds abruptly can cause me to have seizures....




Dank O Licious said:


> Dude, your doc just wants you to buy the pills( more $$ for her). tell him/her to go fuck himself/herself and get off them meds. its all in your head man.


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## Manjinken (May 27, 2008)

one time i tried a certain substance and i accidentally created 5 years i spent in tibet as a false memory in my head. i got really pissed off.


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## SouthernOregonOrganic (May 28, 2008)

Manjinken, did u really imagine 5 years of living in Tibet because of a pharmaceutical? 

Canadian coyote, i feel you totally. Since 3rd Grade i was/have been on a laundry list of pills. You can not just quit like most of these people are suggesting. There mentally and physically addictive. You should not rush the process of weaning off your meds.And if i were still in your position, i would get a second opinion as to what meds you should still take and what meds you should get off of. 
Your physician wasnt trying to screw you over by prescribing you the numerous pills. Even though money may have been an underling factor, he still probably had you best interest at hand. He's not paid to bring excessive distress upon his patients, he's paid to relieve it. So like i said, a second opinion would be a good idea, especially from some one who practices alternative style medicine.thats just my opinion


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## Dank O Licious (May 28, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> That's what I'm up to. ^^ It's gonna take awhile, as stopping these meds abruptly can cause me to have seizures....


Yea, thats why there so dangerous! Wish the best of luck to you! stick to da erb!


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## Dank O Licious (May 28, 2008)

SouthernOregonOrganic said:


> Manjinken, did u really imagine 5 years of living in Tibet because of a pharmaceutical?
> 
> Canadian coyote, i feel you totally. Since 3rd Grade i was/have been on a laundry list of pills. You can not just quit like most of these people are suggesting. There mentally and physically addictive. You should not rush the process of weaning off your meds.And if i were still in your position, i would get a second opinion as to what meds you should still take and what meds you should get off of.
> Your physician wasnt trying to screw you over by prescribing you the numerous pills. Even though money may have been an underling factor, he still probably had you best interest at hand. He's not paid to bring excessive distress upon his patients, he's paid to relieve it. So like i said, a second opinion would be a good idea, especially from some one who practices alternative style medicine.thats just my opinion


 
Dont kill his motivation. yea its ganna take dicipline but he can do it


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## SouthernOregonOrganic (May 28, 2008)

Im in no way trying to discourage coyote from stopping his/her meds. Im now completely prescription free While pills may be bad for your liver and possibly your over all quality of life, you have to wonder; did the doctor prescribe me these pills for nothing? You have to remember, MD'S go through years and years of rigorous training. Its one of the toughest professions to make it in. Doctors are Not Stupid, as much as some hippie douche bags would want u to believe. I commend coyote for having the courage to quite the regimen of medication he/she has been prescribed. 
If you honestly believe in your heart that what the doctor has given you is Wrong, then by all means do every thing you can to get your self in a better situation.


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## CanadianCoyote (May 30, 2008)

I'm a girl, BTW. ^^

When I was put on the medicine, I was given the impression that it would be a temporary thing. Just until I leveled out (if there really is such a thing). I was 15 when they started shoving pills in me, and now it's been proven that giving anti-depressants to teens can cause some serious damage. 

The main reason I wanted to get off of these meds was ... well ... they didn't seem to be working. I'd take a huge dose every single day and feel like all I'd done was waste a lot of money. The med I'm getting off of is extremely expensive - even with insurance. I've had my share if incompetant doctors - ones who didn't seem to listen to what I was saying - but the one I have now is very supportive of my goal and is helping me through it. He understands why I want to do it and has seen first hand how much my mood/energy level/overall sense of wellbeing has improved since I started down this road.

I reduced my dose last Monday, I'm now taking 1/8th of my original dose, and when my prescription runs out ... that's it. I'm done. I've felt like absolute shit since Monday ... but I know that it'll pass. I have a good feeling about the future, something I've been lacking for nearly a decade.


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## Dfunk (May 31, 2008)

Positive Thoughts = Postive Results


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## Dank O Licious (Jun 1, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> I'm a girl, BTW. ^^
> 
> When I was put on the medicine, I was given the impression that it would be a temporary thing. Just until I leveled out (if there really is such a thing). I was 15 when they started shoving pills in me, and now it's been proven that giving anti-depressants to teens can cause some serious damage.
> 
> ...


lol, SORRY!!! even if your a girl, YOU CAN DO IT!


And its good to hear your reducing your doses


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## Dank O Licious (Jun 1, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> but the one I have now is very supportive of my goal and is helping me through it. He understands why I want to do it and has seen first hand how much my mood/energy level/overall sense of wellbeing has improved since I started down this road.
> 
> .


 
If your serious about this then stick to the doc you have now. cause hes a winner!


now heres the bad news, being off all drugs will increase your mood/energy level/ overall sense of wellbeing... Even dope. now im not saying theres no time for dope. but stoping all drugs(including caffine and sugar will increase all of the above)  just a tip from your neibhorhood stoner 


best of luck to you!


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## Mr.Marijuana420 (Jun 1, 2008)

finally some one sees it my way i felt so dull and boring when i was on pills and the funny part is all that happened and yet the goverment worried about pot....i juz think that there pised bc we make a hell of alot more money than them and they aint gettin a cut


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## CanadianCoyote (Jun 3, 2008)

Mr.Marijuana420 said:


> finally some one sees it my way i felt so dull and boring when i was on pills and the funny part is all that happened and yet the goverment worried about pot....i juz think that there pised bc we make a hell of alot more money than them and they aint gettin a cut


I think THEY'RE the ones making more money ... it benefits them to keep marijuana illegal as they get tons of money from prescription drug companies that would lose a lot if marijuana were legally available.


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## CanadianCoyote (Jun 3, 2008)

Dank O Licious said:


> If your serious about this then stick to the doc you have now. cause hes a winner!
> 
> 
> now heres the bad news, being off all drugs will increase your mood/energy level/ overall sense of wellbeing... Even dope. now im not saying theres no time for dope. but stoping all drugs(including caffine and sugar will increase all of the above)  just a tip from your neibhorhood stoner
> ...


Thanks!! Now, when my prescription runs out ... I'm done. No more Effexor XR. Another side benefit (and it's actually a HUGE benefit) has been weight loss. A LOT of weight loss. Since I've started coming off the meds, I've lost a bit more than 25lbs. I'm really, really heavy ... but still, that's a significant amount no matter which way you slice it. I've also noticed that I don't crave carbohydrates as much. I used to be able to make 2/3rds a box of spaghetti and sit down and eat the whole thing... sometimes waking up in the middle of the night to do it because the craving was so strong. Don't seem to have that problem now. ^^


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