# Great Stoner Quotes



## stoner_kiddie (May 16, 2007)

FAT SPLIFF said:


> ever think about how fucking
> telephones work?. its werid shit
> man.


funny shit dude!!! I want more!


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## mc.eddy.supreme (May 16, 2007)

% affects the memory..." Halfbaked


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## Onuris (May 16, 2007)

My quote was Redbull Aint got shit on my wings


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## GraF (May 16, 2007)

mine is in my sig..... by pandabear.... I thought it was a pretty damn good one too!

.


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## stoner_kiddie (May 16, 2007)

nice...remembered one of my own... " It'd be fun to have down syndrome, all bright eyed and wondering."


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## xxSmoketwo (May 16, 2007)

dude great quote me and a couple friends were eating at a chinese resaraunt while very stoned and one of them turns to me and says

"if the food were alive, would it think we were giants?"

we laughed our asses off for ages


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## stoner_kiddie (May 16, 2007)

These aren't quotes...but we think they're forking funny.






*
When Milk goes BAD...










*


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## stoner_kiddie (May 16, 2007)

Nice dude...here's another chinese restaurant one for ya Smoketwo....walked into our local china wok to see our friend standing at the buffet... when we got over to him the first thing he said was......"damn...there's alot of squirrel in this!" oh my god did we laugh... all threw munchin


sorry one more...."mmm gopher on a stick"


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## Erniedytn (May 18, 2007)

What about these:
















Dude...My hands are HUGE!!! They can touch everything but themselves....


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## stoner_kiddie (May 18, 2007)

yes....hole crap...yes....great line, is that from something?


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## fdd2blk (May 18, 2007)

"where'd i put my keys?"


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## stoner_kiddie (May 18, 2007)

crap, sorry, here's one from just today...

crusin around, (obviously burnin one) with one of my best friends ...funny lil skater chic...listening to a new cd and then she said...ya naw dude....there's some really interesting.... like....facts, about this band...but I..... ..............forgot um

holy crap we fuckin laughed at her!


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## Erniedytn (May 18, 2007)

stoner_kiddie said:


> yes....hole crap...yes....great line, is that from something?


The pictures:
Funny t-shirts, Funny shirts, Crazy t-shirts, Crazy shirts, Cool t-shirts, Cool shirts


The quote is from the "Poppler" episode of Futurama where Lrrrr eats the hippie at the end.


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## _secret (May 21, 2007)

haha, another master wok one.. 

Walkin thru the mall foodcourt completely baked, we happen to walk by this lady handing out samples for master wok, so i grabbed one, and she goes to hand one to my friend and hes like "Sorry i dont eat dog" 

bahahaha i spit my food everywhere i dont think i've ever laughed that hard in my life


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## Zekedogg (May 21, 2007)

Dude Where's my car??


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## Erniedytn (May 23, 2007)

Sir I need to see your drivers liscence.......

UUUHHHHHH----Isn't it on the bumper holmes?


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## muu232 (May 24, 2007)

I'm the lead line cook at this restaurant and a friend of mine came up to the bar baked out of his mind and asked me what was good to eat. I reccommended the filet special and he goes, "I don't eat fish." So I said, "It's steak dude." Then he says, "Filet means fish... duh." I laughed so hard at him, it was great.


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## sasarchiver (May 29, 2007)

"Dont hog that spliff, it doesnt grow on trees man." What was funny about it was he was serious, he didnt think about what he said, cos he was 

PS yeah, missing keys, so its not just me lol Godam lighters are apain too. one second ur holding it the next sec ur not. Ends up in the fridge and everything. LOL


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## heymo85 (May 29, 2007)

"im glad our last name isnt Drew cuz then youd be Nancy Drew and id be Andrew Drew"Andy from Weeds

"when does cpr become necrophilia?"Doug from Weeds


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## tokinkracker (May 30, 2007)

My hands can touch anything but themselves can touch anything but themselves... o wait....... 

You know man, they call them fingers, but you never see them fing... O there they go 

But daddys new medicine, which you can NEVER EVER use! lets him see and hear magical things.

- Medical Marijuana (simpsons)


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## tekken (May 31, 2007)

Originally Posted by *FAT SPLIFF*  
_ever think about how fucking 
telephones work?. its werid shit
man. 


hahahah that is funny shit , its so fkn true though ,it would be so hard to create.
_


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## Jordy Villain (May 31, 2007)

my homeboy and I were playing badminton in my backyard and we lost a birdie in the tree... it resulted in a 30 minute( no exaggeration) conversation about what if there was a warp to another dimension in my tree and what we'd do if one of us went up after it and disappeared.

damn that blunt was fatttt.


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## Danny (May 31, 2007)

stoner_kiddie said:


> These aren't quotes...but we think they're forking funny.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 For more like these check out Pinched Media.com! Your resource for innovative humor and outspoken merchandise!


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## 420skatekr3w (Jun 7, 2007)

stoner_kiddie said:


> nice...remembered one of my own... " It'd be fun to have down syndrome, all bright eyed and wondering."


hahahahahahahahaha


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## Biznizz Hippee (Jun 9, 2007)

this one time i was really toked out and i convinced my GF to bring me to mcdonalds and when we got in the car she was all like "arnt you gonna put your seat belt on?" and i said back, "I like to live dangerously."


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## 420thAvenue (Jun 10, 2007)

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
-Jimi Hendrix


-- Did you know there are more people behind bars for drug offenses in the United States than there are in prison for all crimes in England, France, Germany and Japan combined.


"Make the most of the hemp, seed and sow it everywhere."
-George Washington 


" Instead of all of this energy and effort directed at the war to end drugs, how about a little attention to drugs which will end war?"
-Abbey Hofmann


*Roses are red, 
Bud is green.
I love gettin' high,
Ya know what i mean?


**Pot is a plant,
That grows in the ground.
If god didn't want it,
It wouldn't be around.
So all you fuckers that don't get high,
Shut the fuck up and give it a try.


*Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? 
A: Because pot holder was taken



*
*

​


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## heymo85 (Jun 10, 2007)

420thAvenue said:


> "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
> -Jimi Hendrix
> 
> 
> ...


great quote from Jimi one of my favorites..



[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And so this is Xmas for black and for white, for yellow and red, let's stop all the fight. 
--John Lennon[/FONT]
respect​


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## fdd2blk (Jun 10, 2007)

"i was born a poor black child".
--Steve Martin


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## Major_Nuggz (Jun 10, 2007)

confusis say//'' He who stand on toilet...high on pot"
pernament dainbramage


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## Major_Nuggz (Jun 10, 2007)

Jordy Villain said:


> my homeboy and I were playing badminton in my backyard and we lost a birdie in the tree... it resulted in a 30 minute( no exaggeration) conversation about what if there was a warp to another dimension in my tree and what we'd do if one of us went up after it and disappeared.
> 
> damn that blunt was fatttt.


Sounds like you gotta good strain


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## heymo85 (Jun 11, 2007)

like a midgit at a urinal i was gonna have to stay on my toes.


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## TheJollyBrother (Jun 17, 2007)

Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


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## Reprogammed (Jun 17, 2007)

(After a respectable number of bowls of Purple Haze)

Mark: Dude, that mosquito is going to town on my fucking arm, but I don't wanna swat at it.
Justin: Haha, that mosquito sucks!
[15 mins. of retarded cacophany...of which I was a part of...]


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## JtWo (Jun 18, 2007)

"NIGGA STOLE MY YOSHI!"

"Jon...no don't...Jon seriously. NO STOP DONT ughhhhh ok NO DONT STOP!"


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## ozstone (Jun 18, 2007)

Fuck that opening scene in Super Troopers still makes me Piss myself "Dude did you like eat all those shrooms and that whole bag of weed, thats like $30 worth of shrooms man and $100 worth of pot, 
Well when you can man Im gonna need like $130 bucks

Or Cheech and Chong- when Chong has that bag of soap powder and Cheech thinks its coke and buries his face in it, then drinks Chongs Pregnant sisters Piss to was his mouth out, Fuck yeah


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## Pizip (Jun 19, 2007)

oh yeah Family guy right?
That shit was so funny.
And it made me hungry.


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## Pizip (Jun 19, 2007)

"Spit it ya wet it dont babysit it ya hit it now pass it to the left"


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## Gygax1974 (Jun 19, 2007)

Not neccasarily a stoner quote but...my buddy on sleeping with a loose women said "it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway". We were laughing our asses off when he said that.


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## Erniedytn (Jun 19, 2007)

^^^I heard that on Family Guy^^^


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## bearo420 (Jun 19, 2007)

My ex girlfriend heard that often. I teased her about how I deffinitely made her muff loose (liked doing it). And I got it off of family guy also.


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## Gygax1974 (Jun 19, 2007)

I don't watch TV, but i was sure it was not his little saying.


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## budman226 (Jun 19, 2007)

jay and silent bob

jay: "and she was like ooooh i wanna suck you two guys's dicks off"

that makes me laugh everytime.


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## Reprogammed (Jun 20, 2007)

Gygax1974 said:


> Not neccasarily a stoner quote but...my buddy on sleeping with a loose women said "it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway". We were laughing our asses off when he said that.


My buddy Mark said that, only with "It was like sticking my dick in a lukewarm bowl of runny Jell-O."


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## notsoslimjim (Jun 20, 2007)

sasarchiver said:


> PS yeah, missing keys, so its not just me lol Godam lighters are apain too. one second ur holding it the next sec ur not. Ends up in the fridge and everything. LOL


no joke man lighter are pain...... i had one end up in a bong and still can't remember how it got there....


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## TheConstantGardner (Jun 20, 2007)

SuperTroopers
"He's already pulled over! We can't pull over any farther!"

That whole scene is the funniest ever especially when baked.


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## battosai (Jun 20, 2007)

i was going to uh.. wtf.. i just forgot what i was thinking about hold on gimme a sec. 






oh yea did you wanna smoke another bowl?


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## fdd2blk (Jun 20, 2007)

TheConstantGardner said:


> SuperTroopers
> "He's already pulled over! We can't pull over any farther!"
> 
> That whole scene is the funniest ever especially when baked.




"meow".........


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## TheConstantGardner (Jun 20, 2007)

lol, oh yea! I remember that meow


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## Coma (Jun 20, 2007)

thats some funny crap right there.....i have so many and cant think of one


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## Major_Nuggz (Jun 20, 2007)

"pernament dainbramage"


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## BIGMIKE13 (Jun 20, 2007)

his name ? his name is RRRAAALLLPPHH  

UP IN SMOKE


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## fdd2blk (Jun 20, 2007)

"his name is robert polson and he was a friend of mine."


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## Pizip (Jun 20, 2007)

"i smoke rock"
" im rich biotch"
Dave Chappelle's funny.


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## notsoslimjim (Jun 21, 2007)

so as my mate and i were discussing the merits of Indoor Vs. Outdoor growing... the topic of rabbits came up...the conversation:

A- "if we move em outdoors the rabbits will eat it"
A- "then the rabbits will be getting high off our birds(girls for non-brits)"
A- "the fuckin rabbits will be baked"
Me- "fuck man.... FUCK tha RABBITS!!!" 
A- "well its okay with me only if he is peter tha rabbit or the rabbit from alice in wonderland"
Me- "you're fucking blasted mate"
A- "right... this here is the dogs bollocks(in refrence to the ganja being good)"

could not stop laughing after that for a good 15-20 minutes

Cheers


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## chips (Jun 21, 2007)

" You can't polish a turd "


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## Major_Nuggz (Jun 21, 2007)

chips said:


> " You can't polish a turd "


curious?? Have you tried?


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## fdd2blk (Jun 21, 2007)

chips said:


> " You can't polish a turd "



if it were dried and shellacked you could. hehehehe


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## Major_Nuggz (Jun 21, 2007)

fdd2blk said:


> if it were dried and shellacked you could. hehehehe


Sounds like a jailhouse weapon..lol
Btw corn pops if you dry it too fast


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## fdd2blk (Jun 21, 2007)

"i'm so high right now........"


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## Coma (Jun 21, 2007)

i know thats right, permanent brain damage..lmao!! i do kno some funny shit tho 4 real!! lol


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## space_weaseal (Jun 25, 2007)

I got a buddie that evertime we toke together he always says this.
"never eat a pussy that looks like a roast beef sandwich"
Allways in the middle of random conversation.


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## Erniedytn (Jun 25, 2007)

^^^yeah thats a given^^^


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## shunkan (Jun 26, 2007)

marijuana--a fragrantly burning weed that induces a giddy irreverence toward solemn authority figures, which probably explains why its possession is a criminal offense.........cynic's dictionary


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## MajoR_TokE (Jun 26, 2007)

Seemed like a good idea at the time......


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## BIGMIKE13 (Jun 26, 2007)




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## notsoslimjim (Jun 27, 2007)

"keep it like a VD... don't even tell the girl you fuck..." (my mate's analogy on keeping secrets)


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## ozstone (Jun 27, 2007)

I went around to a mates place the other day and he had this awesome lookin dog, I say, Whats his name?
He says
We called him Syphilis
WTF i say, 
"Yeah the fuckin thing just wont heal"

an oldy but a goody


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## BIGMIKE13 (Jun 27, 2007)




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## Pizip (Jun 29, 2007)

Somebody passes like three lighters around to three people.so they can have a lighter of their own but somehow someone ends up with all three of em or 1 lighter is missing and once everybody stands up they find one of the lighters under their leg. hah!


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## bush basher (Jun 30, 2007)

"hows about me an you makin a bastard" i shouted across the street to some random minter


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## Pizip (Jun 30, 2007)

"We're going to candy mountain charlie, yeah candy mountain!" The uncicorns say it in a high pitched voice.


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## SHOOT2KILL66 (Jul 18, 2007)

Who,s Turns It To Fire One Up


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## zakcattack (Jul 28, 2007)

We were all talking about what kind of cars we drive. One of my friends drives a mazda, so my brilliant stoner buddy said, "Well when people ask you what you drive you can just say I drive a Mazdarati." We all stared at him until we figured out he was trying to mix Mazda and Maserati. Priceless


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## Shook (Jul 29, 2007)

tokinkracker said:


> My hands can touch anything but themselves can touch anything but themselves... o wait.......
> 
> You know man, they call them fingers, but you never see them fing... O there they go
> 
> ...


you're an idiot, the top line is from futurama... idiot.


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## e22o2 (Aug 2, 2007)

In my opinion, Super Troopers has some of the best quotes.

Here's some of my friends & I - that I remember.

Myself [Implying my dad : after smoking ]: Marty is comin'.
Elaine: Where's he ?
Myself: ....
Elaine:...at.

[when making ramen noodles]
"JUST LET IT STEEP! THE STEEPING PROCESS!"

[when making mac and cheese]
"Just stir it, you know, every now and then."
Myself: "EVERY NOW & THEN?"

Yeah, then there was that time i hit that joint backwards.
hahaha I dono, so many funny things happen when u smoke.


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## Ragamuffin (Aug 3, 2007)

You know you are high when you forget how long you have been holding the blunt.


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## Sabud (Aug 4, 2007)

you know your high when u can hear the blunt burning


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## fdd2blk (Aug 4, 2007)

"chicken fucker"
"meow"


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## Sabud (Aug 4, 2007)

hahahahah "liscnese and registration CHICKEN FUCKER!!!! BACOCK!!!!"


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## diggitydank420 (Aug 5, 2007)

My favorite comes from my friend P.K. the 50 year old party man:

"Smoke that hog leg and see what happens."

He was always trying to quote Tombstone - "Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens."

Classic


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## cincismoker (Aug 7, 2007)

"if i were a rouch on a tree, tell me would you smoke me?


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## Allan Watts (Aug 9, 2007)

Publisher reading SP's Towelie's memoirs- "Million Little Fibers"........
"We can't publish this crap. 20 straight pages are about nothing but Doritos!"

Homer in the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers cut- "I hope I didn't brain my damage"

"a-motivation is a cause of heavy marijuana smoking rather than the reverse"- Rubin and Comitas, Ganja in Jamaica. 

-Cheech+Chong: "What's the problem officer? Dunkin Donuts closed"
"Behind one of these doors is 50 Kee's of Blond Lebanese Hash....Almost makes your eyes red just thinking about it huh?" -Let's make a dope deal.

"Stop Dave...my mind is going.. there is no question about it." -HAL- 2001


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## HumboldtGreenz (Aug 10, 2007)

I smoked my best friends (see non-blood related brothers) out with some of the most superb white widow I've ever had and one of them said:
"I'm half man, half retarded"

I laughed for a long, long time.


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## TurboLobster (Aug 11, 2007)

well i feel you guys on the lighter bullshit. i lost them, put them in the frige, the oven, the roof and even the toliet. 

i was cruiseing with my boy (fucked up stupid) and he says out of no where "OH shit dude i got to take a shit"


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## timmay215 (Aug 24, 2007)

long time ago everyone that wasnt stoned as i was was talking about how we call someone panda and out of no where i just say "hey isnt a panda the same as a guerrilla?"
20 sum people just turn to me and are like what the fuck....(they didn't know i smoked that night)

but it was cool cause in my head i was like picturing a panda and a guerilla and i was like acually a panda ahha it was fun


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## mazda420 (Aug 25, 2007)

"dude you shut the door on my hand" (calm voice)

i was blazed as shit lol my friend shut the car door on my hand it was completly shut and i didnt even feel it lol


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## RASCALONE (Aug 25, 2007)

get the seeds man;"seeds,they can't bust you for seeds"!cheech and chong..


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## SHOOT2KILL66 (Aug 25, 2007)

"Who left the tv remote in the fridge"


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## WhatAmIDoing (Aug 31, 2007)

Erniedytn said:


> What about these:
> 
> 
> Dude...My hands are HUGE!!! They can touch everything but themselves....


 
FUTURAMA!!!! "There was something funny in that hippie..."


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## WhatAmIDoing (Aug 31, 2007)

mazda420 said:


> "dude you shut the door on my hand" (calm voice)
> 
> i was blazed as shit lol my friend shut the car door on my hand it was completly shut and i didnt even feel it lol


had that happen, except i wasn't blazed, i was hungover...so it fucking blew..lol


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## WhatAmIDoing (Aug 31, 2007)

Best one was my friends and I were in the basement, and when we come up there's an oreo on the counter. my friend just looks at it, picks it up, and goes, "Hey. An oreo.... Cool" (in perfect Mitch Hedburg style), then eats it. LOL!


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## WhatAmIDoing (Aug 31, 2007)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


All the time dude. And it's always the same person who's got them all...


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## heymo85 (Aug 31, 2007)

my brother on the floor to EMS after a seizure....ems"do you know who you are?" brother "no" "do you know where you are" "no" "do you know who the president is?" "still bush?" lol...wasnt funny at the time but after.


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## Psychedelics and Chronic (Sep 3, 2007)

Here is one when a friend and I went to a computer store looking for the drink named Bawls.
*Me (to male employee at front): Excuse me, do you have any balls?*
*Employee: No*
I almost died laughing

*"It's mostly Maui Wowie man, but its got some Labrador in it"*

*"If anyone gonna have sex w/ my sister its gonna be ME!!!"*

*"Man, I need to lay of the Peyote"*


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## Psychedelics and Chronic (Sep 3, 2007)

"Then i thought to myself, Hansel? Haven't you been smoking peyote for 8 days straight? Turns out I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius!"

Police officer asking a friend of mine he just pulled over about the bag of herb
Pig: What's this?
Friend: ...........Personals


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## flamable221 (Sep 25, 2007)

spongebob is the only bob with a sponge


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## donnieosmond (Sep 25, 2007)

Erniedytn said:


> What about these:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LOL! Those are some funny ass t-shirts. Usually you see the same ones over and over but those are pretty good.


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## donnieosmond (Sep 25, 2007)

WhatAmIDoing said:


> All the time dude. And it's always the same person who's got them all...


That and if you're at a party you can always tell the stoners because if you borrow their lighter and there's some resin at the bottom like they used it to scrape a bowl -- bingo! Noticed this about 6 years ago when a friend pointed it out to me, I don't know if everyone knew this but me but I always look for it now.


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## potpimp (Oct 8, 2007)

Doods, why not just kick back with some Zappa CD's? That's some funny sheet there. My tagline was taken from "The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers" - back in the day. That was so weird stuff man. Cheech and Chong were at their best then too.


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## heymo85 (Oct 10, 2007)

"watch the keyboard some of my kids might still be on it.." a friend

lol..good stuff


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## 420chazz (Oct 11, 2007)

"can this thing see me?"
"nah"
"wait wait wait...... Oh my god can it?"
"hold on"
"It can, look, I'm there"
"fucking hell"
"i know, fuck dude"

we were playing with my camera phone in complete darkness and we were taking a video, the conversation seemed so serious at the time. 
i recall my best mate taking a hit from the bong and coughing into it and spraying water all over the person sitting opposite him then i laughed so damn hard i fell off my chair backwards. good times.


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## SEganja (Oct 11, 2007)

I always liked walking south, somehow it feels like walking down hill


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## WhatAmIDoing (Oct 12, 2007)

SEganja said:


> I always liked walking south, somehow it feels like walking down hill


Treebeard is the shit, don't be pokin fun. . 

..and he is the ultimate stoner hippie. protector of the forest man, come on. he works on his own timeframe, spends most of his time sleeping and walking around the forest...kicks Saruman's ass when he fucks with the forest too long, but sits and takes it until he sees there is no other choice: Saruman won't learn. damn man...lol.


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## Hiesman (Dec 8, 2007)

i hate finding lighters ten minutes after u found another solution for lighting up, lol

i was soo hungry after blazin once that i pulled into a arby's thinking that i pulled into the mcdonalds that was right next to it and tried to order a big mac and mcflurry.... and then when i got to the mcdonalds it sounded like it was a gay guy over the speaker and i pulled around it was a guy with a heavy british accent so i started talkn with the same accent and kept sayin "BLOODY HELL!!!" hahahahaha everyone in the car was laughing so hard.


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## Hiesman (Dec 8, 2007)

oh and one time while smoking with friends one of them blew a shotgun into their propel and i was like damn i wanna do that too so i did and when i drank it i was like i wonder if we water the weed plants with this if it will "propel" there growth and we started laughing, and the next day i go to check the plants and there dead i asked what happened my friend says oh i watered the plants with weed smoke and propel like u said.... i couldnt even be mad cuz i was too high to even comprehend it.. lol


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## Microdizzey (Dec 8, 2007)

"ahh that saxophone would make a great pipe"

"YES I CANNABIS!"

YouTube - WEED HOMER

haha homer's face is funny


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## Faygo22 (Dec 9, 2007)

"Life's a bitch and then you die; that's why we get high Cause you never know when you're gonna go." Nas


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## rev3la7ion (Dec 9, 2007)

hahaha
Ok so this one time I'm at a pretty small party and I'm taking hits from the bong listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn - Little Wing smoking some superb headies (I think it was Hawaiian Sativa...) and some chick wants me to go into the next room with her and smoke with her and I'm like, "Sure, whatever. Let me clear my bowl though." I get in there and apparently she'd been eying me the entire time and wanted to fuck me so we did and I could tell she's a whore. I told my friends about this and they were like, "Rate her whorish-ness." So I told them, "I myself, being a magnum man, found fucking her to be a lot like fucking a bucket of room temperature water... It's wet... but why am I fucking it?"


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## WhatAmIDoing (Dec 9, 2007)

rev3la7ion said:


> hahaha
> Ok so this one time I'm at a pretty small party and I'm taking hits from the bong listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn - Little Wing smoking some superb headies (I think it was Hawaiian Sativa...) and some chick wants me to go into the next room with her and smoke with her and I'm like, "Sure, whatever. Let me clear my bowl though." I get in there and apparently she'd been eying me the entire time and wanted to fuck me so we did and I could tell she's a whore. I told my friends about this and they were like, "Rate her whorish-ness." So I told them, "I myself, being a magnum man, found fucking her to be a lot like fucking a bucket of room temperature water... It's wet... but why am I fucking it?"


 
HAHAHAHAHAHA

aahhh, that gives me a good laugh...


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## tahoe58 (Dec 9, 2007)

I smell like porridge!


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## WhatAmIDoing (Dec 9, 2007)

"God is like Santa Clause: He exists if you believe in him, but you get your presents either way."

~Props to...some dude on another thread for the inspirations (He said "God is Santa Clause" i do believe...) if anybody knows who it was, or if it was you, let it be known. ..Credit given where due..


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## pencap (Dec 12, 2007)

In the Grocerey store check out.....the check out guys name tag said hi name was Bob
The bagger's name was Neil

Look over at my friend, "Neil and Bob, is that their names or is that what they do?


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## Gangsta Crizzab (Dec 14, 2007)

"hey dude, i can't stop smiling!"


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## l3Laze (Dec 15, 2007)

here's one: "IM SOO FUCKING BAKED!"


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## popo9er (Dec 16, 2007)

My fav. "Fuck man I left that bowl in my lap again".... the faint sound of cracking glass on tile,concrete, or asphalt.


----------



## Girlgonegreen (Dec 16, 2007)

2 stoned girls at a coffee shop
first girl says: boutique has a silent q in it right?
second girl: yah just like the word target
first girl: whaa?


----------



## Hiesman (Dec 17, 2007)

"im higher than giraffe pussy" hahaha one of my buddys says this everytime he gets high its hilarious


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2007)

We're sitting on my friends porch passing the bong around and no one has said anything for awhile because we're all real baked. My friend completely randomly goes, "you know, I guess you do seem to find alot of things on the ground."

At the McDonalds drive through we're trying to order food but we're all so stoned that no one can get anything ordered. We finally get up to the window and they start asking us normal questions like do you want sauce with that but everyone is just like "huh?" One of my friends yells, "They're trying to confuse us! And it's working! RUN!" and the guy driving just speeds off.

Driving to my friends apartment, seems like its taking forever because we're baked. I say, "this drive takes forever" and the same kid as the first one goes, "it's ok, im used to having people take me on journeys."


----------



## nomad (Dec 19, 2007)

me and my boyfriend were sat eating a bag of chips wasted and they were none too good and he looked at me with disgust and said these are like eating a poke of yodas
(a poke is scottish for bag)
i laughed so much i spat yodas everywhere


----------



## Philly_Buddah (Dec 19, 2007)

"Then Get me an avocado an icepick and my snorkel. Trust me bro, Ive made bongs with less."

Famous half baked quote lol Im sure every1 on this site knows that quote by heart.


----------



## Gangsta Crizzab (Dec 19, 2007)

Friend with a bag of shwag. We smoke some, and it is no good. =[ It tasted horrible and was just nooo good. 

A little later im like dude..lets smoke a lil more, and my friend goes, "Nah man! I dont wanna smoke anymore of that squash!" He ment shwag..but oh man it was funny.


----------



## Reprogammed (Jan 3, 2008)

Aly: Where the fuck did you go?
Nate: I've been sitting here the whole time.
Aly: Oh...

[While We're All Talking]
Hailey: Wow, that was an awkward silence. (She was serious...)

Nate: Fucking tree kicked me off!

Matt: What the fuck are you doing?
Serena: This ketchup tastes fucking _awesome..._


----------



## Girlgonegreen (Jan 5, 2008)

"I just realized Jasmine and Aladin are Indian"
"Wow, I just Realized Mulan is asian"


----------



## chiknmunky (Jan 7, 2008)

after seeing a commercial where 2 hot chicks are eating whipped cream:
roommate: "I wish I could find two chicks with whipped cream...(5 second pause) 'cause I'm hungry."


----------



## Reprogrammed (Jan 8, 2008)

Alyssa: Where the fuck did the pile we just broke up go?
Peter: We smoked it...about an hour ago.

[In a car]
Josh: Watch the fuckin' road! Jesus Christ Maddie, are you drunk?
Maddie: A lil bit. (somehow she managed to slur that)
Josh: Fuck it, pull over, I'm driving!
Maddie: But you're stoned! (again...SLURRED)
Josh: Oh fucking well, it's better than you.
[Pulls over]
[5 mins. later]
Me: Watch the fucking road, Josh!
[Josh pulls over two lanes going 50 mph and screech stops about and inch from a ditch]
Josh: Are any of you whiney bitches sober?
...
Josh: Exactley!
[Guns it]


----------



## moonbeam (Jan 8, 2008)

"no we're not smoking out of this" - me, refering to my pellet gun

5 min later

"I love how the gun that we were using to play the last video game (AWW MAN WHAT THE FUCK!?) exploded" - friend with me in the background, he melted the plastic around the metal barrel while people were smoking out of it. 

i have an hour and a half long raw copy of the radio show from that night if anyone wants it


----------



## urinmyrice (Jan 13, 2008)

1st time high at work...."man this ho ho taste so gooooood"
or newyears 08 stoned and drunk last ones at the party i go man look at that keg...i think we should put it in a cooler... the keg was emptied into the cooler and ended up in my fridge in coke bottles still fresh 2 days later


----------



## acridus (Jan 17, 2008)

my mate iain while severely fucked ha:

"i wouldn't care if my parents died... as long as it was sunny"
was pretty funny at time 

i cant remember some other things
we were blowing smoke into bubble through those weird bubble blower tings and frank decided how to measure how good you were:

"people are measured on how big there bubbles are, if there small there a nobody, but if there big they can rule the world"

that was proper funny too haha


----------



## xtrapeppers (Jan 18, 2008)

was smoking with some people I don't usually smoke with and they were passing the bong to the right. me and my friends always pass to the left. I was so fucked up that every time i hit it I would just pass it right back to john who was on my left

John: Would you stop trying to pass the fucking bong left
Me: I don't usually talk about this but....I'm not an ambipasser. It's a problem I've had since I was a kid. I can't pass right


----------



## Girlgonegreen (Jan 19, 2008)

After smoking hella.

me:"Wow everything is so Opek"
Friend:"wtf does Opek mean?"
me:"I dont know I think it means transparent"
Friend:"Wanna go lazer pen houses?"


----------



## GIJoe8383 (Jan 19, 2008)

"its Cash.."


----------



## budforever442200 (Jan 24, 2008)

Mines about toasting a drink..

"If i had a dog that could piss this stuff
and i thought he could piss enough,
i'd tie his ass to my bed, and suck his dick tell we both droped dead. Cheers."


----------



## heymo85 (Feb 1, 2008)

"you dont want girls to think u suck dick at fuckin pussy"Superbad lol...best movie


----------



## steve024 (Feb 9, 2008)

Hey. Hey man, open the door

Who is it?

It's me man, c'mon open up, I got the stuff.

Who?

It's Dave, man, c'mon, open the door, man, I got the _stuff!_

Dave?

Yeah man, c'mon, hurry up!

Daves not here

No man, _I'm Dave!_

Dave?

Yeah, man!

Daves not here.


----------



## dx1martin (Feb 9, 2008)

Im sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.
Its powdered sugar.
The lice hate the sugar.
Its delicious


----------



## massbaster (Feb 10, 2008)

ever noticed how "jihad" and "yeehaw" sound an awful lot alike?

maybe that all they really saying.....after alittle toke maybe...


----------



## TheTokenOne (Feb 10, 2008)

next time you're high..you HAVE to roleplay with ur friends.

such as this one time me and a couple of buddies were blazin up and i had this awsome idea to do this thing were we act as a newsstaion and jus say whatever came to mind..."now over to trucker f*er with weather"
"thank john jiggle, today we will see clouds rainng from the sky with a side of gopher"..it went on and on and it was hilarious

or i was slapping my hands together with a beat then one of my frends joined in with a funny bell noise and like there was 10 of us jus sttin around playing a song in perfect..and i mean perfect...unison

aferwards we were rollin so hard because of the noise that my friend was makin...sorry so long


----------



## Minos53200 (Feb 12, 2008)

(heavily stoned bill collector speaking on phone) Ok, lady, look at out conversation like a lake of water. Whenever i talk Im throwing in rocks and your exploding like waves. Now lets just get in the sailboat and if we dont rock the boat we can get to the other side. *click*


----------



## sqeto (Feb 12, 2008)

i dunno bout any of you but i ride a bike alot if ur ever high driving ur bike is like ur on a rollercoaster that u control its really fucking awesome


----------



## smillingassasin (Feb 12, 2008)

"if i had a picture of the sun as a screen saver, will it grow all my plants for me?"

this was just yesterday, or the day b4. we were talking about last year april 20th.

me: yo imagine what 4/20 will be like this year!
buddy1: what no its 436
buddy2: what
me:what
buddy1: its only 4:36

after that we just kept laughing. it went on about another minute.


----------



## smillingassasin (Feb 12, 2008)

this just happened to. lol
**after smoking a few bong packs of dro**

me:yo im mad hungry alright,ima get somthin to eat
friend:ight
me:yo! you got pizza!! ima cop me like 2 ight?> (its digorno...)
friend:ight just make sure you unravel the plastic over the sink.
me: ill unravel it wherever i like
friend: unravel it ov..
me: ILL UNRAVEL IT WHEREVER I LIKE


----------



## rev3la7ion (Feb 12, 2008)

You do know 'dro' isn't a type of weed but how it's grown right....? 'dro' stands for 'hydro' meaning it was grown using a hydroponic system. I hate it when people call bud 'dro'.


----------



## GIJoe8383 (Feb 12, 2008)

its cash.... 

as always


----------



## GIJoe8383 (Feb 12, 2008)

rev3la7ion said:


> You do know 'dro' isn't a type of weed but how it's grown right....? 'dro' stands for 'hydro' meaning it was grown using a hydroponic system. I hate it when people call bud 'dro'.


yeah..icould care less but...you can really taste the difference in the smoke..i had some dro just the pask week..well atleast he said it was dro...and it was bomb....you couldnt taste anything but dank.


----------



## rev3la7ion (Feb 12, 2008)

Not really because you can grow anything in a hydro system. You can make shit mids, beasters, dank, or headies all from a hydro system. So calling something 'dro' because it was grown hydroponicly doesn't make sense considering you don't know if it's mids, beasters, dank, or headies. Calling something 'dro' is the equivalent of calling airoponically grown bud 'air'. Why the fuck would you do that?


----------



## GIJoe8383 (Feb 12, 2008)

beasters vs headies..wtf is the diff lol


----------



## GIJoe8383 (Feb 12, 2008)

i thought dro was the water buds??? im lost...i think we have beat sally up too mcuh


----------



## rev3la7ion (Feb 12, 2008)

GIJoe8383 said:


> beasters vs headies..wtf is the diff lol


Beasters is commercial dank. The normal stuff on the market. Mids is the seedy, has tons of stems, and is primarily shake at the bottom of the bag. Mids taste like shit and generally give you a righteous headache. Dank is actual nugs of some decent quality buds but still not the best. Headies is top quality stuff like White Widow, AK-47, Train Wreck, White Rhino. Actual strains.

The term 'dro' is short for 'hydro' or 'hydroponics' which is just how they are grown. Hydroponics are a water based grow system where no soil is used.

There are primarily 3 different types of ways to grow pot (And when I say 3 primary I mean the three main ways to grow them). There is organically, which is growing bud in soil. There is hydroponically, which is growing bud in only water with no soil. And there is airoponically, which is growing bud using a nutrient spray which is misted onto the roots of the plant.

So, calling bud 'dro' is not correct because there is no strain called 'dro'. 'dro' just refers to the way it way grown and not the quality of the bud. You should call bud by its proper terminology depending on its quality (ie. mids, beasters, dank, or headies) and not the way it's grown. Now if it's dank or headies then normally it will actually have a name such as granddaddy purp, White Widow, etc., etc. That name is the strain.

So what have we all learned today? Do not call pot 'dro' because that is not its name. It's either mids, beasters, dank, or headies. And if it's dank or headies it will generally have a strain name by which to actually call it. NOT 'DRO'.


----------



## raeman1990 (Feb 12, 2008)

ha i got one my friend was with me the first time he got high, several hits later he ask me
"Why the fuck wont this joint light"
me "dude your trying light my chap stick"
friend "wait, so i should get another lighter?"

Funniest shit ever i laughed until i couldnt breathe.


----------



## overfiend (Feb 12, 2008)

im glad you cleared that up for me. i'm old school my rating goes 
dirt
schwag
alright herb
kind bud

last year i was at creek and looking for kind and everyone was saying headdies. i diddnt get any because i diddnt know what the hell it was.
i also bought "marley" i said whats that and he says its E so i bought it
and it was powder like i dont like drugs for my nose guess i need to educate myself on the correctness of slang.


----------



## chiknmunky (Feb 15, 2008)

commercial of two girls in bikinis and wipp creame, spraying it on each other and eating it. Buddy says "I want to girls with wipp creame because i am hungry"


----------



## KholdStare (Feb 15, 2008)

We were at a pizza place after smoking two of my friend's (who have never smoked) down with stuff I grew:

Friend 1: *Laughter for ~ 2 solid minutes* - "Dude... I forgot what I was laughing at." 

Friend 2: "I just told you your eyes were super cracked out."

Friend 1: *More laughter* Oh, right.

Me: "I am never smoking weed with either of you ever again."


----------



## Budsworth (Feb 15, 2008)

Whats the most said word a stoner ever says??????Here.....


----------



## TheTokenOne (Feb 15, 2008)

my one friend gets really smart when he gets high..well he talks smarter...so if you are debating him or if you say something stupid.you know hes gonna go on a rant when he starts his sentence .."OBVIOUSLY....."


----------



## smillingassasin (Feb 16, 2008)

me and a friend were driving pretty far away from our town, were smoking out of the bong, after like 3-4 packs he stomps on the break for a red light. bong falls water falls out all over and the car reaks instantly..

friend-"OMFG IT SMELLS LIKE POOP WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU HOLD THE BONG! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET THE SMELL OUT OF HERE>?<

me-"i dunno dude, how are we going to get more water in here..."

that cheered up the situation for a good 5 minutes of laughter.


----------



## smillingassasin (Feb 16, 2008)

Budsworth said:


> Whats the most said word a stoner ever says??????Here.....


"wheres the lighter"


----------



## loveformetal1 (Feb 16, 2008)

*Random speech* *30 seocnd delay* "what?"


----------



## smillingassasin (Feb 16, 2008)

loveformetal1 said:


> *Random speech* *30 seocnd delay* "what?"


werd lol all the time


----------



## The Eye (Feb 17, 2008)

My signature.


----------



## wes87t (Feb 17, 2008)

this thread is awesome. I often come here baked and laugh my ass off everytime.....sweeet......


----------



## 420 (Feb 22, 2008)

tekken said:


> Originally Posted by *FAT SPLIFF*
> _ever think about how fucking
> telephones work?. its werid shit
> man.
> ...


my grandma wondered how fax machines work. she asked me, "how do they roll the paper up and send it down the wires?" 
funny!


----------



## LION~of~ZION (Feb 23, 2008)

year - 1988 Orlando, Florida

Good friend and I standing in the parking lot of the condos we lived in stoned off our asses after school on some Incredible Acupulco Gold bud...

HIM - dazed in a monotone voice eyes wide open and fire red - "Duuuude, theres a naked guy behind youuu"

ME - baked out of my mind looking at him and laughing - "youre stoned dude, you are reeeealllyy stoned"

HIM with a shocked, scared look on his face eyes blazing red- "DUDE! theres a naked guy behind you near the dumpster he's coming over here!"

ME - laughing my ass off hysterically- "You are stoned off your ASS! whoaaa!"

HIM - grabbing me and turning me around while im laughing hysterically - "LOOOK!"

ME- in shock - "Holyshit dude theres a naked guy over there by the dumpster and he's coming this way..."

HIM- "I told you!!!..."

Me - "theres a naked dude over there climbing that fence wtf is he doing!?"

HIM -quietly looking at the guys hairy butt very disturbed - "I dont knowwww..."


Some naked guy was walking around our town and climbing fences into peoples backyards looking in their windows. The next day in the morning paper there was a write up about it - 30 people called the police the day before claiming they saw a naked man looking in their windows and/or walking down the street in the middle of town.

lmao.


----------



## 420 (Feb 23, 2008)

> Some naked guy was walking around our town and climbing fences into peoples backyards looking in their windows.


holy shit that would freak me out.
maybe he lost his pants somewhere.


----------



## LION~of~ZION (Feb 23, 2008)

420 said:


> holy shit that would freak me out.
> maybe he lost his pants somewhere.


It did freak us out and the funny thing was the guy kept walking toward us

like he wanted to have a conversation. He climbed an 8 foot wooden fence

to get to us. We just happened to be on the other side of that fence in the parking 

lot stoned off our asses (what are the odds) he was pretty shocked when he saw us too lmao. 

apparently he lost his pants and his mind that day


----------



## Orangeman (Feb 23, 2008)

"I did not inhale"


----------



## TEUFELHuNDEN420 (Feb 23, 2008)

Iite me and a few of my buddies were smokin out of this nice glass pipe that i had for a while... 
Me: "its about time to scrape this pipe of all this resin" 
Friend1: "Of all the smoke that goes through that pipe and into our lungs, i bet i've got at least five times as much resin in my lungs!" 
Me: "how can we scrape out our lungs then?" 
Friend2: "Shoooot, if i die, you guys can scrape my lungs and smoke my lung resin." 
Everyone: "WORD."


----------



## 420 (Feb 24, 2008)

whoa that's darkside man - lung resin


----------



## nomad (Feb 24, 2008)

yeah still laughin bout lung resin man that is soooooo funny!!!!!!!


----------



## titanium3g (Feb 25, 2008)

WhatAmIDoing said:


> had that happen, except i wasn't blazed, i was hungover...so it fucking blew..lol


Haha, try having your head shut in the sliding door of a minivan, not fun.


----------



## hom36rown (Feb 27, 2008)

"is there a problem occiffer?" lol


----------



## bloodshotEyz (Feb 28, 2008)

me: how was your day?
my friend: my day was glorious. i dominated in every aspect of life today.

friend: they think i'm godlike.
me: what kind of god are you?
friend: i'd say i'm like a mix between zeus and artemis


----------



## MrPerfect744 (Feb 28, 2008)

Me and my buddies were on a mountain ride recently. So on the way down we are crazy blazed. The blunt is tiny but I smoke it until it usually burns my fingers. Then we had this discussion:

Me: Yo dude you [email protected]#$ squed the shit out of it!
Buddy: SQUED? what the hell is that! you mean i squeezed it.
Me(argumentatively): No dude u squozed it!
Buddy: What...SKUOZED! what happened to squed. 
(all of us laughing histerically)
Me: yea yo to have squed is to already have been squeezed. and to have skuozed is to already have been squeezing. (still laughing)
Buddy: Your a retard dude. Theres no such words as SQUOZED and SQUED.
Me: Ur just not educated in the terms of squishing and squeezing blunts!
Buddy: WOW! YOUR HIGH!
(a moment of silence)
All 3 of us: Word!!


----------



## overfiend (Feb 28, 2008)

hom36rown said:


> "is there a problem occiffer?" lol


dont you mean "lucifer"


----------



## hom36rown (Feb 29, 2008)

i meant to say officer, but thats what came out...occiffer...get it I was talking to a cop...and I started laughing right after I said it, so it was a dead give a way I was high.


----------



## rev3la7ion (Feb 29, 2008)

No, he knows what you meant to say and the joke behind it but he was trying to make the point that cops are essentially the devil. hahaha


----------



## TEUFELHuNDEN420 (Mar 1, 2008)

haha, its not illegal to be high!


----------



## rev3la7ion (Mar 2, 2008)

Thank god... lol


----------



## taknitEZ95 (Mar 3, 2008)

Me and some friends got really REALLY baked before eating lunch one time. While we were eating, this really dumb friend of mine who had been stairing into space for like 5 straight minutes all of a sudden busted out with "dude...what if we took a bunch of jews and dressed them up as Nazis and put them in a mosh pit with guns...only some of them didnt have amo?" It was easily THE most random thing I have ever heard...ever.


----------



## hydronewbie (Mar 11, 2008)

I still think this one is one of my favorites.

What seems to be the officer problem??


----------



## Erniedytn (Mar 12, 2008)

Wow...I can't believe this thread is still kicking. The author is looooong gone. I made some of my firsts posts here.


----------



## Take a Toke (Mar 13, 2008)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


man that seems to happen a lot to me
oh but i was walking down a street smoking a blunt with two friends and the cops roll up on us (my friend courtney was drinking a 40) after her failing a sobriety test she gets put in kuffs and before she goes in the back of the cop car she turns to the cop and says "your more bacon then you are grease" and we all just busted out laughing.


----------



## Gordy (Mar 13, 2008)

some years ago I was stoned and said

"How beat does that suck"


----------



## delta96 (Mar 13, 2008)

after taking a hit "SAS dude fuckin SAS"

my friend "whats SAS?"

"Sh!ts are Shut" my eyes feel shut and i cant open them. haha


----------



## Bamm Bamm (Mar 13, 2008)

"I love those high school girls, I get older....They stay the same age...."

Wooderson


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 13, 2008)

The funniest quote I know was said by my friend to a cop, when we got pulled over. We had been smoking, and were all pretty faded. The cop asked us if there were any drugs in the car. My friend sitting in the back seat says "Not anymore," and starts giggling his fucking ass off.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 13, 2008)

Bamm Bamm said:


> "I love those high school girls, I get older....They stay the same age...."
> 
> Wooderson


Dude, I love that movie! I love the scene where Mitch finally gets caught and paddled. lol, I even love the Family Guy episode where they redo that scene.


----------



## WoRRaLL (Mar 13, 2008)

"Actually, that is definitely, probably, what it was." 


not sure why i said this but it was pretty funny.


----------



## Bamm Bamm (Mar 13, 2008)

"Ok listen here you freshman fucks we're going to give you a chance to get it over with now meet us outside after school and oh.....Mitch Kramer.....Mitchy, mitchy mitchy.. Mitch kramer we're especially looking for you today. Mitchy your ass is going to be blue before the days over.."

Yeah I love that movie...

I was watching the Big Lebowski earlier and theres some fucking great lines in it but cant remember them at the moment..too much hash


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 14, 2008)

Bamm Bamm said:


> "Ok listen here you freshman fucks we're going to give you a chance to get it over with now meet us outside after school and oh.....Mitch Kramer.....Mitchy, mitchy mitchy.. Mitch kramer we're especially looking for you today. Mitchy your ass is going to be blue before the days over.."
> 
> Yeah I love that movie...
> 
> I was watching the Big Lebowski earlier and theres some fucking great lines in it but cant remember them at the moment..too much hash


Oh man, I'm pretty high, and when I was reading your post, I started laughing cuz I could totally picture the whole scene, and now I want to watch the movie at 12 in the morning. lol, thanks for that


----------



## Bamm Bamm (Mar 14, 2008)

I just woke up and Im about to scan ondemand to see igf its there or throw the dvd in


----------



## iDookie (Mar 14, 2008)

So I was reading these stoner quotes and my dad asked me,
"So where has all the butter gone because I realized I need to buy more, and I replied. "Because me and Dusty (My brother) go crazy on those waffles." And my dad said "Well, people do get hungry". And I said "Nah, We just get high".


----------



## Bamm Bamm (Mar 14, 2008)

Nice....Im watching dazed and fused I motivated myself


----------



## f u z z (Mar 14, 2008)

This isn't a stoner quote, but it referes to Xanax..

"Dude, where did all my bars go?"


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 14, 2008)

"Wipe that face off your head, bitch."
~Dazed and Confused

&#8220;Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?&#8221;
~Bill Hicks


----------



## sams0n (Mar 14, 2008)

me to pig.
while pig is dangling my oz of dank into the window of the patrol car which i was handcuffed and stowed in..."go f*** yourself you stupid f****** pig"
and as the pig opened up my cell and handed me a ziplock bag with a few grand in cash (which the pigs had taunted me all night about how they were going on vacation with it and how they werent even going to put it in evidence) "go f*** yourself you stupid f****** pig"


----------



## Rudy18 (Mar 21, 2008)

Ok so after 20 min of silence spaced out and watching the stars I hear my friend say
" you hear that, thats the sound of bullfrogs having sex". 
I laughed so hard i pissed my pants lol


----------



## Psychedelics and Chronic (Mar 21, 2008)

Rudy18 said:


> Ok so after 20 min of silence spaced out and watching the stars I hear my friend say
> " you hear that, thats the sound of bullfrogs having sex".
> I laughed so hard i pissed my pants lol


hahhhahaahhahaha thats hilarious. maybe its just that I'm coming down of acid and I was laughing all night but i read this and my sides are in pain from laughing again.
Also I have a quote my friend thought of as a way to say, "want to take acid?" His girlfriend was downstairs and we came down and he poked his head around the corner and said "Hey little girl, You wanna taste the rainbow" 
We've been saying that to everyone all night and it's still hilarious. It might just be me but whenever I want to trip again I'm just going to ask if anyone wants to taste the rainbow. Later in the night we were playing off of it like if you were talking to a guy on crack and he's like man I'm messed up but you guys are wild, what are you on? The Rainbow. hahaaha. and Hey kids be careful around those two, they're on the Rainbow.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 21, 2008)

Psychedelics and Chronic said:


> hahhhahaahhahaha thats hilarious. maybe its just that I'm coming down of acid and I was laughing all night but i read this and my sides are in pain from laughing again.
> Also I have a quote my friend thought of as a way to say, "want to take acid?" His girlfriend was downstairs and we came down and he poked his head around the corner and said "Hey little girl, You wanna taste the rainbow"
> We've been saying that to everyone all night and it's still hilarious. It might just be me but whenever I want to trip again I'm just going to ask if anyone wants to taste the rainbow. Later in the night we were playing off of it like if you were talking to a guy on crack and he's like man I'm messed up but you guys are wild, what are you on? The Rainbow. hahaaha. and Hey kids be careful around those two, they're on the Rainbow.


LMAO...except around here, when we talk about "tasting the rainbow" we're talking abut someone being gay...


----------



## The Boy (Mar 21, 2008)

I say to my sober roommate "You know... Christopher Columbus was a complete idiot... everyone was like 'no, bro. The world's flat' and he was all like 'fuck that'. What an idiot."


----------



## purpletrainwreck (Mar 21, 2008)

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk will drive thru a stop sign
While a stoner will wait for it to turn green.... haha.


----------



## lil' miss left hand side (Mar 22, 2008)

the fist time i got my old bong buddy stoned she fully tripped out thinking that my room was full of tv cameras and we were on big bother. oh shit that was funny she hid under my blanket for like half and hour before the munchies drove her out.

When we saw my mum she's taken one look at us and said "your stoned arn't you" (shes a massive smoker herself) we couldn't even answer, we tried to say no but all that came out was laughter, we laughed so hard we fell over right there in the kitchen. mum just smiled at us and told us not to eat everything in the house.


----------



## Kate622 (Mar 25, 2008)

"It's like I have to see either you or the wall behind you and I can't decide which is more interesting."


----------



## Miracle Smoke (Mar 25, 2008)

"you wanna get high?"


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Mar 25, 2008)

Kate622 said:


> "It's like I have to see either you or the wall behind you and I can't decide which is more interesting."


lol, but that kinda reminds me more of shrooms...


----------



## boooky (Mar 25, 2008)

"Babbys dont know what they suckin.."


----------



## cotyvkon (Apr 3, 2008)

my frend waz high and he waz like 

dude if i had a red dick would a bull chase it i thought it waz funy


----------



## Moragrifa (Apr 3, 2008)

*Takes drink of Dr. Pepper*

I can taste.... ALL 23 FLAVORS? - Friend of mine.

"What if one day I was singing so obnoxiously that it was put on the news....... Ohh and I was singing a Slipknot song.. and the band Slipknot was on the show to tell everyone how they "feel" about my obnoxious interpretation of their song, and they actually enjoyed it, then later I rocked on stage with Slipknot. That would fucking rock." - Me cruising around town with some friends 

I laughed at how stupid it was.


----------



## lvfrmtp08 (Apr 3, 2008)

Classic quote from american pie ( Live life Get paid and get laid)


----------



## i<3pot (Apr 7, 2008)

so we were smoking in my friends room and his dad walks in and says "It smells like Bob Marleys ass in here" laughed for about an hour


----------



## mc.eddy.supreme (Apr 7, 2008)

walking around with freinds when stoned

"dude we just walked into a small square, and this shit is alive"


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Apr 7, 2008)

OMG, mc eddy's post reminded me of this. Three of us got stoned before going to visit our friend in the hospital. We walked through the lobby and got into an elevator. The doors closed, we stood there, then the doors opened, and we all walked out passed this nurse. 

We couldn't find our friend's room, and then my brother looks out the window and says: "Dude, we're still on the first floor" We hadn't gone anywhere. The nurse pressed the button and reopened the door. We all giggled our asses off wondering what that nurse must have thought.


----------



## eatAstar (Apr 8, 2008)

confucius say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day
confucius also say, better to run behind car and be exhausted, that to run in front of car and get tired!


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Apr 8, 2008)

heres a couple for ya!

Much virtue in Herbs, little in men.
?Benjamin Franklin. 

Make the most of the hemp 
seed and sow it everywhere.
?George Washington​


----------



## eatAstar (Apr 8, 2008)

"Yeah, well, that's just like uh, your opinion, man."
The Big Lebowski


----------



## Ivory (Apr 9, 2008)

Me and one of my buddies were in my car smoking a bowl after another. Well, my mom calls and she wants me to cut the grass. I told her i would do it so i drove him home and got up to my mom's house. Trying to act sober''

Mom: Tj, Why are your eyes so red? have you been smoking?
Me: No Mom i swear to high im not god
Mom: hahahahahahaha

she laughed so hard you wouldnt believe it!


----------



## t dub c (Apr 9, 2008)

Rock out with your cock out!!!!


----------



## panhead (Apr 9, 2008)

Strother Martin, Hard times. 

A black cloud rolled into town & i left with it,((morphine)).

For reference Strother is the actor who played Tommy Chong's father in Cheech & Chong up in smoke,you know,the shit finkelstien kid guy


----------



## nysurfer12990 (Apr 17, 2008)

Heres a funny one, me an my friend greg were on the highway, and we were goin 70 in a 55 zone, high as kites, Greg was driving and we get pulled over, and the cop goes "Excuse me sir, lisence and reg." like usual and then he says "Sir do you relize you dont have my phone number" and we looked at each other, and the cop started laughing, walked away and got in his car, and sped off. we laughed all the way to fuckin tocobell best night ever period


----------



## nysurfer12990 (Apr 17, 2008)

friend sayd to me "Yo man, have u ever thought about the word boob? Its like, sooo, boob..... you know, with the b and the other b its like boob but boob and boob at the same time"


----------



## nysurfer12990 (Apr 17, 2008)

" yo man you know that crazy guy, with the white hair, i think his name is like Albert Einsomethingoranother? Yeah thats the kinda guy to blaze with"


----------



## nysurfer12990 (Apr 17, 2008)

From my fav movie of all time

Thurgood "Dude you have finally done it, you have officially smoked yourself retarted"

coke addict " Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana"


----------



## i<3pot (Apr 21, 2008)

^^i think its funny that bob sagget was the coke addict in that movie^^


----------



## BadBeach420 (Apr 22, 2008)

"I think we're weedaholics. We need to go to WA, I bet we could meet some awesome hookups there." -- My ex.


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Apr 22, 2008)

"Time is going really slow...and I think we're dead. Yeah, we're dead."


----------



## blonddie07 (Apr 23, 2008)

"man why the fuck do i always have to take a shit when im high" 

When my friend said this, i was dying....


----------



## surfnugget (Apr 26, 2008)

my boy-"these straws suck"

me-"we need some sort of gasoline powered super straw"



lil' chef diner R.I.P.


----------



## Peg (Apr 26, 2008)

Comment From Friend: "Dude, fat Kids totally are harder to kidnapp ... that sucks ..."
Me: "But don't worry man, they're totally easier to snipe ... "


----------



## PETE247 (Apr 26, 2008)

Ever wonder why we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?


----------



## cincismoker (Apr 26, 2008)

"take your nostrilles on an individual journey to funky town an smell my nuts 3 times"


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (Apr 27, 2008)

"hey...that shits like imPOSSible man...."

said by my VERY stoned friend after he had just spent 15 minutes trying to lick his elbow because I told him I'd give him something if he could do it.


----------



## PETE247 (Apr 27, 2008)

"its not you its me" said the dirty skank that left...


----------



## THC.Easyas1,2,3 (Apr 27, 2008)

ME: dude, do you think it hurts weed and ciggarretes wen smoked?
FRIEND: no, why?
ME: because there alive
FRIEND: i never thought of it that way
ME: ahhhh!!!....
FRIEND: what?
ME: they joint just burnt me
FRIEND: im spinning...

IDK, JUST THOUGHT ID SHARE A GOOD HIGH TIME WITH YOU ALL..=]


----------



## Peg (Apr 27, 2008)

Me to a friend after just bitching him out for no reason: "Oh baby I'm not yelling at you I'm just yelling at the devil inside yah"


----------



## PETE247 (Apr 27, 2008)

"No sorry man i'm all out" said I to the scavenger


----------



## the2happyhippies (May 11, 2008)

Responsibility is a heavy responsibility!


----------



## the2happyhippies (May 11, 2008)

ALSSOOOOO

Hey how am I driving, man?

I think we're parked man..


greatest part of the movie


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (May 12, 2008)

*cop knocking on the window*

I hear chu knocking but chu can't come it!


----------



## PETE247 (May 12, 2008)

every time i leave the house i think i forgot somthing,think know i got everything,get to were im going only to realize i forgot something.....dam short term memory loss..


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

Me: *perfectly impersonating Barney Rubble* You know what they say about me Fred, I'm ONE SICK MOTHERFUCKER, heehuhuhuhuhuhooo....


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

Oh yeah, and this one:

"I saw them planets. The big one was makin' eyes at me ... so I fired a couple of rounds into the air. Showed it who's boss."
~Close friend, referring to the planetary alignment of a few years back (Mars, Venus and Jupiter were in this straight line ... clearly visible, even in the city.)


----------



## PolyploidyPrince (May 13, 2008)

With out a doubt the best stoned cop encounter EVER... I'm on probation and one of the local cops comes by my house while me and a buddy are tokin.

Pig: I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd check up on you
Me: great......
Pig: (super cocky) Yeah.....I just chased down a perp a few blocks from here and decided to come on over.
Me: so uh..... you shoot him?
Pig: (not so cocky) Well....uh......no......
Me: *psh Pussy (door slams in his face)
Buddy: Did you just call that cop a pussy cause he didn't shoot the guy?
Me: yeah......I think I did.
Buddy: where did this dog come from?


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

LMFAO!!!

By the way, where DID the dog come from?



PolyploidyPrince said:


> With out a doubt the best stoned cop encounter EVER... I'm on probation and one of the local cops comes by my house while me and a buddy are tokin.
> 
> Pig: I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd check up on you
> Me: great......
> ...


----------



## PolyploidyPrince (May 13, 2008)

It was my dog I had it for 6 years.....and he was at my house every day......


----------



## PolyploidyPrince (May 13, 2008)

YAY I'M ABLE TO ROLL A JOINT NOW!!!!........well, better get started.........


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

Shit yeah!! Keep going and be a Marijuana Toker, like me. ^_^

Sadly, in real life, my joint-rolling skills are abysmal ... 

But that's what friends are for!



PolyploidyPrince said:


> YAY I'M ABLE TO ROLL A JOINT NOW!!!!........well, better get started.........


----------



## nysurfer12990 (May 13, 2008)

Oh yeah.. how do i get that under my name changed?


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

It has to do with how many posts you've made. Sorta like gaining levels in a console RPG.



nysurfer12990 said:


> Oh yeah.. how do i get that under my name changed?


----------



## bearo420 (May 13, 2008)

so me and a friend took some 2ci. were watching visuals and just finished a blunt.


me "dude. what u wanna do, lets play some frisbee or something im bored"

friend "what u mean, I got mad ill shit here, I got a xbox, i got mad games, i got poptarts, got a ipod"

me laughing mad hard core point out he just mentioned pop tarts in his electronics stuff to do list 

friend "well they are mad ill" 

me "doooooouuuuuussshhhhhh, jesus"



the guy was naming the reasons to not go outside and poptarts and ipod were included with xbox


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 13, 2008)

Why shouldn't they be? Poptarts ARE mad ill!


----------



## Stoney McFried (May 14, 2008)

If you shave your box, does that make you a bush light? ___me


----------



## Twistyman (May 14, 2008)

Stoney McFried said:


> If you shave your box, does that make you a bush light? ___me


*Bald beaver........oysters cockafeller*


----------



## Stoney McFried (May 14, 2008)

Isnt a jockstrap just a cockpit?


----------



## skatterman420 (May 14, 2008)

"I Payed Good Money For The Way I Feel"


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 15, 2008)

You ever see a humming bird?


----------



## Twistyman (May 15, 2008)

CanadianCoyote said:


> You ever see a humming bird?


**said with English accent* No but I saw a bird giving a hummer.................*


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 15, 2008)

Fuck shit Jesus!


----------



## BoB772420 (May 15, 2008)

Biznizz Hippee said:


> this one time i was really toked out and i convinced my GF to bring me to mcdonalds and when we got in the car she was all like "arnt you gonna put your seat belt on?" and i said back, "I like to live dangerously."


hahahahaha


----------



## nysurfer12990 (May 15, 2008)

"Yo... How does one fuck a fish?" -tom
"Fuck a fish, thats butter, how does one fuck an ant" -chris
"wow you guys are fuckin skilled" - Me


----------



## doped909 (May 20, 2008)

The grass is greener, but just as hard to grow.
- John Butler

The world has enough for every man's needs, but not enough for every man's greed.
- Ghandi

How can we help you occifer?
...
Man it's a good thing she didn't look in the bag.
Police: what's in the bag? (looks in the bag)
Police: why is there dogfood in this bag?
Dogfood? Oh shit what did I give my dog?
- Tommy Chong and Police in That 70's Show

And btw that quote about hands being so big is from Donna on That 70's show. Good Ep!


----------



## focus.on.the.grow (May 21, 2008)

"what?" and "dude.......................what where we talking about?"


----------



## Wikidbchofthewst (May 21, 2008)

When I dropped a nug in the car: "Jesus!"

My faded friend next to me: "Where?"


----------



## regrets (May 21, 2008)

"Having someone randomly shit on your head is like being an astronaut" 
-Ultramagnetic RK


----------



## PolyploidyPrince (May 22, 2008)

"hey lady your no spring Turkey"
*"don't you mean chicken?"
"your a chicken......"
"no.....SPRING CHICKEN"
"fuck you I'm not jumping"

This happened today.......I question my friends.....


----------



## rdkll (May 22, 2008)

guy(stoned): dude come to my place, nobody's gonna be there. (referring to parents etc. gone out)
the other guy goes there and finds that nobody is actually there.. hehe


----------



## CanadianCoyote (May 23, 2008)

"Dude, we gotta get our hands on some YEAST!!!"

Friend of mine came running up to me, out of breath and panting ... and that's what he had to say. He wanted to bake fresh bread. ....

I question MY friends, too. XD


----------



## yafeelzmeh (May 27, 2008)

BEST SAYIN EVER: Touchdowns are for losers, the only thing i wanna score is some GOOD drugs!!!!


----------



## Ethnobotanist (May 27, 2008)

Not exactly relating to cannabis, but a friend of mine once said:

"Dude... I just smoked like four beers!"

This was shortly after smoking a blunt of some good, mind you.
Well, it was hilarious at the time.

~Ethno


----------



## garrett420 (May 27, 2008)

if the ocean were weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up , but the ocean aint weed and i aint a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up


----------



## TEUFELHuNDEN420 (May 27, 2008)

whenever im smoking with someone who accidentally drop the blunt/joint/nugget/pipe.. 'Drug Abuse wwwwwaaaaaaayyyyyy to gooooo.'


----------



## Crumbles (Jun 4, 2008)

me and some former friends when we were baked

Code - "YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS MAKIN FUN OF ME. HE ONLY DOES IT CAUSE YOU LAUGH"

Me - I cant help it that your flaws entertain me.

Josh [non smoker] : i do it because i enjoy it.


----------



## reddvdub (Jun 7, 2008)

This early morning playing GRID on ps3. While playing someone yelled out
"this car handles like I wish my dick would"


----------



## Trey57 (Jun 7, 2008)

I heard this on Grounded for Life this morning:

"Get High, cause PIGS can't fly!"

He said it while a punk ass cop was walking by... hilarious!


----------



## frankz (Jun 8, 2008)

"honest officer we had no idea lsd was illegal in the state of ohio"


----------



## CanadianCoyote (Jun 8, 2008)

"Can I ask you to do something REALLY weird for me?"


----------



## stoney08 (Jun 9, 2008)

I'm under 18


----------



## Maleachs (Jun 10, 2008)

"oh man my legs just found the chicken!"

"dude its like there are little gnomes chillin in my Achilles"

"HELLLP MEEEE (presented in the voice of a breed between adam sandler and a walrus)"

these were all me in the last 2 days


----------



## Maleachs (Jun 10, 2008)

"You look like a retard trying to be sexy" - said by my friend Kaileena to our friend Rachel also within the same time frame as my others


----------



## johnq (Jun 16, 2008)

"I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long"

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit

Heres one i found on another forum this morning discussing car battery problems:

"If you get a battery with a larger capacity and more CCA that will fit in the awkward hole you are further ahead. Think of it like this. The recommended specs is the money your bro recommends to carry with you to the club when you take a girl out. If you take more, you'll be better off. "


----------



## CanadianCoyote (Jun 17, 2008)

johnq said:


> "I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long"
> 
> CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
> 
> ...


I'm STILL trying to figure out the second one. o_o;


----------



## thebigbudder (Jun 18, 2008)

can we just get along and hit a bong


----------



## purplextc (Jun 19, 2008)

lmao so me and my best friend were soooo baked we had this jumbo container of jelly beans we were goin through it eating the good ones.. she picks up one and eats it and goes "eww dont eat the green ones" "why what did it taste like" "alien poop" lol it wasso funny i have no idea why she said that


----------



## 1234abcd (Jun 19, 2008)

not a quote but

i had my phone in my left hand and a candy bar in the right and my phone got a text message and i started trying to text on my candy bar and my freind was like dude thats not your phone i was like what the fuck and ate it


----------



## Budda_Luva (Jun 21, 2008)

*If it aint green than it aint me*


----------



## shadow316 (Jun 22, 2008)

Man made booze.
God made grass.

Now tell me which one's better for you?


----------



## donkeyballs (Jun 22, 2008)

"dude, you cant buy shrooms with change"

all i had was Quarters and dimes.


----------



## donkeyballs (Jun 22, 2008)

i was drivin my friends hella baked and my friend yelled turn right so i turned on my right turn sig. then he yelled "john, right!" and i turned on my left turn sig and he yelled john right and i turned my right turn sig on again. they dont trust my driving anymore. i dont really blame them. haha


----------



## kylerox22 (Jun 28, 2008)

lol my favorite quote by far was said when I was smoking with some newbies to smoking and I was talking about how I was already high because I smoked earlier in the day and my friend chelsea turns to me and says "Yeah it's like murdering the same person twice, the second time is easier " I could not stop laughing about how idiotic and yet provocative that statement was


----------



## BigBudBalls (Jun 29, 2008)

"I"m not Polish! I'm Catholic!" "Thats trigonometry; thats not math" "Rigimortis was a dinosaur" (All from straight/sober college educated people)


----------



## toasty42088 (Jul 6, 2008)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


 

this happened the other day. me and some friends were all smokin and then all of a sudden no one had a lighter. but when we started everyone had one but my friend lil dan. then he hada go to work and he calls about 20 mins later and is like dudes...i got like 10 lighters. we're like wtf man.


----------



## Anguissette (Jul 6, 2008)

i can remember a friend once asking me out of nowhere "do they have to wait till its a full moon before they can land on it?"


----------



## toasty42088 (Jul 6, 2008)

MrPerfect744 said:


> Me and my buddies were on a mountain ride recently. So on the way down we are crazy blazed. The blunt is tiny but I smoke it until it usually burns my fingers. Then we had this discussion:
> 
> Me: Yo dude you [email protected]#$ squed the shit out of it!
> Buddy: SQUED? what the hell is that! you mean i squeezed it.
> ...


 

lmao....word.


----------



## stonerboy1 (Jul 7, 2008)

a friend with weed is a friend indeed


----------



## herbose (Jul 7, 2008)

stonerboy1 said:


> a friend with weed is a friend indeed


Freewheelin Frank...I believe that was?

I was walking through a SE Asia city one day when this friend says "How come all the dogs look the same here?"
"That kind doesn't taste good" I says.


----------



## raeman1990 (Jul 26, 2008)

My friend was stoned and i said we had to help my other friend cause he needed help with some heavy shit.. so he said.....

"a friend in need is a friend indeed

a friend with weed is better.. "


----------



## snoodies (Jul 26, 2008)

"DUM MARO DUM"
"Cannabis flight 420, ready for take-off!"
"Oooh! that's a spicy meatball!"


----------



## BigBudBalls (Jul 26, 2008)

"Shhhh! They will see us"

"Why did they put a dog as the hood ornament on a Jaguar?"


----------



## Inebriation (Jul 30, 2008)

"Yo, what the fuck are we gonna do now?"
"The fuck you think we gonna do? We gonna smoke his ass then start askin' questions."
"Wait a minute, didn't you put the ashes in the soil BEFORE you grew the plant?"

Love that movie (How High)


----------



## DawnOfTheEnd (Jul 30, 2008)

One of my friends said: "If we could smell as well as dogs, would we compose with scent?"


----------



## Budda_Luva (Jul 31, 2008)

snoodies said:


> "DUM MARO DUM"
> "Cannabis flight 420, ready for take-off!"
> "Oooh! that's a spicy meatball!"


HAHAHAH MARIJUANA MAN hes a fukkin pothead hippie but hes co makes me laugh evrytime


----------



## Jfred2006 (Jul 31, 2008)

dude the best line when me n my friends were toking on our block at around midnight we all have our own bowls and shit but the problem was we only had one lighter and i had to piss (i forgot the lighter in my hand while walking to piss) then my friends are talking then my buddy mike yells who has the lighter? then friend 1 says not me friend 2 not me friend 3 nah dude josh must have the lighter, wait he has THE! LIGHTER! that asshole. then as i am pissing i get tackled to the ground and he says dude do you have the lighter and i say "no dude i dont know where it is, then i was like wait as he is walking away and i say dude it was in my left hand the whole time


----------



## Jfred2006 (Jul 31, 2008)

Also yesterday we waked and baked made a gravity bong and my friend matt yells at my tv saying take that George Clinton haha


----------



## InToX (Jul 31, 2008)

"Wake and Bake!" You gotta love waking up to friends saying that in your ear


----------



## Jfred2006 (Jul 31, 2008)

my friend matt woke up to my call said i will be over in a min he was over in that time we made a gravity bong out of 2 five gallon buckets and we drilled a hole in the top and made a huge bowl and we got stoned as shit after the first hit ha


----------



## ZigZagZac (Jul 31, 2008)

My friend and I were hanging out smoking as usual. He spills bong water on himself so I lent him a pair of my sweatpants while he threw his pants in the wash. About an hour later he remembers he has to call someone, reaches down and says "Dude! I think someone stole my pockets." 
I laughed my ass off for so long


----------



## CHEEEEETO (Aug 1, 2008)

"I dont hate people who dont want to, I just feel really bad that they dont know what they are missing." cheeto <3


----------



## Chewwy1234 (Aug 1, 2008)

Confucius say he who stand on toilet high on pot


----------



## NautiK (Aug 1, 2008)

I was at work the other day and was going to a jobsite so i figured id smoke a bowl on the way there. As i turned the corner...the golden arches caught my eye so i said forget it and pulled into the drive through. Ordered a fish sandwich, and a quarter pounder with fries. So the lady says, if you make that a large meal you get a free coke. So im like score, supsersize me. As i waited in line i took a few more tokes and pulled up to the window. While waiting for my order i figured id better pull out my money. Thats when it happened. This dude i guess had his hand outside the window, didnt say anything, and when i turned around he was handing me something and all i could think was..what the fuck is that...and i actually said it out loud...as i reached out to take it from him in a haze i couldnt think. Took the cup from him and was like whoa...thats cool. I havent seen these before. Well, apparently it was some promotional thing and the lady had said free coke glass..and i missed the glass part :\ So as im pullin away and gettin crazy eyes from this guy all i could think was shit..total half-baked moment...


still havent gone back either...


----------



## ease8 (Aug 1, 2008)

"you guys wanna go to mcdonalds drive thru and run over a little girl on a bike?"

"hey you got any guns we can point at ourselves?"

obviously in reference to over-the-top anti-marijuana ads

"in an infinite universe we'd be kissing right now. fag." among countless other infinite universe hypotheticals

"marijuana tree plant"

K: "okay we'll burn one, let me go get my can"
C: "wait you guys smoke off a can? cuz i have a piece in my car i can grab..."
K: "no no, it's a Barbasol can, it's a safe"
C: "actually it's NOT safe, you're inhaling aluminum fumes"
K: "..."


----------



## Maxw3ll (Aug 3, 2008)

This is my first post here. 


We're in my friends basement, and we go upstairs to get some munchies. We think we grab some slim jims and then grab a dog treat that looks like a slim jim to give to our other friend. We give it to him, he takes a couple bites and while he's chewing, he just yells out "THIS SLIMJIM TASTES LIKE SHIT" 

we were all so fucking blazed we cryed for the rest of the night.


----------



## Mr CJ (Aug 4, 2008)

a great one from my friend when she was high as shit "look el pads and kneebow pads"


----------



## KoseGrower (Aug 5, 2008)

at macdonalds...

'what the fuck are you doing here rayner' 'you havent even got any food'


----------



## Ultra Haze (Aug 5, 2008)

at mcdonalds to
"rayner, are you like indian or something, your definitely from around here"


----------



## KoseGrower (Aug 5, 2008)

this is england on rayner


----------



## Ultra Haze (Aug 5, 2008)

haha yeah i know, well its not his fault


----------



## BigBudBalls (Aug 6, 2008)

Overheard a Mc Donalds clerk comment 

"Man, them Chinese people be stupid"


----------



## focus.on.the.grow (Aug 8, 2008)

Cruising with a buddy baked and we pass a water fountain. He points at the fountain and says "dude...what if.....what if....that was a giant bong.....what?" haha


----------



## honkeytown (Aug 8, 2008)

sitting at the bar with my friend and he leans over and whispers in my ear...."Am I yelling?"


----------



## RollingInNc (Aug 12, 2008)

me- is raping a hooker sexual assualt or burglary?
friend- um man i think its rape
me- no shit dumbass but thats not wat im askin 
friend-... oh yea did you ask where my bong was?
me- wow your dumb...... 

me and a friend were at his grandpas house and i was talkin to his grandpa tryin to act sober and we got on the subject of there being fish in the creek behind his house so we talked about that for a min and then we switched to discussing wat is better cable or dish after a heated argument(mainly because i was stoned) his grandma looks up from the newspaper and says i like flounder...
i laughed so hard i ran outside lol  its ok if i poke smot and type im smart enough


----------



## Scuba (Aug 12, 2008)

one of my quotes "Some say drugs ruin your life, Personally i could get used to talking to flowers!"


----------



## chadbomb (Aug 13, 2008)

procrastanaters unite tomorrow


----------



## chadbomb (Aug 13, 2008)

the concept of the flame thrower..by george carlin..

what this tell me is that at some point at some time someone said to them selves ...hay...i sure would like to set those people on fire over there...damn, but im to far away to get the job done ...hummm if only i had somthing that would throw flame on them ..ya know the idea could have died right there...but 
his friend...his friend thats good with tools was standing there when he said it and damn right 2 weeks later fruuukkkkkksksksks <--(flamethrower sound) he walks up with one...our friend that had the idea says ...hay you think i can borrow that....


----------



## chadbomb (Aug 16, 2008)

so im learning as much as i can about growing this summer and ive learned that seakelp is good for plants and like 60 micronutreants...so off i go to the beach and venice beach is the closest to me...
so i go to the shore, bag up my kelp, tie it up in the bag all nice and off i go to go back home with my new (fertalizer) kelp...i stop to talk to some stoners put the bag o kelp on the bench for about 5 min and when i turn around its fucking gone ...ok i think maybe someone threw it out ...cheched nope...after a min i relize someone stole it....fuckin hallarious... thinking it was someones goodies from shoping someone took it ..what a smuck..remember i did say i baged it up all nice ..but i just didnt want that stuff leaakin in my car......

so someone ran off with what they thought was loot to only find kelp ..i love it ...this is to funny.. americas dumbest criminals here we come..
have a nice day.


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Aug 16, 2008)

diggitydank420 said:


> My favorite comes from my friend P.K. the 50 year old party man:
> 
> "Smoke that hog leg and see what happens."
> 
> ...


dude...does this guy play guitar for a guy named John Eddie man?


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Aug 16, 2008)

a while ago I was in my room with my friend, both of us high as hell, and I was playing a video game. I just stopped playing halfway through the game and fell down to the ground and my friend just bust out laughing, which in turn made me laugh and my friend uttered "duude you sound like a rhinosaurus dude!!" we laughed together for at least ten minutes lol.

another occasion, the first time I got high actually, me and that same friend were baked again and sitting on my couch and I looked to the other couch across the room where there was a pile of laundry. I said "dude there's a pink bunny in the clothes man!" we busted out in laughter and fell over on each other and just sat there laughing our asses off for a while.


----------



## imaginativethinker (Aug 16, 2008)

this was after three or so big bowls...
friend- dude you are spilling the water on you
me- yeah i know
friend- you are still spilling it.
me- oh shit, i spilled the water on my pants

my pants were rank with the smell of bong water.


----------



## chuckbane (Aug 16, 2008)

"i'm high as a couch!.. errrr.. wait..."


----------



## imaginativethinker (Aug 19, 2008)

Jfred2006 said:


> dude the best line when me n my friends were toking on our block at around midnight we all have our own bowls and shit but the problem was we only had one lighter and i had to piss (i forgot the lighter in my hand while walking to piss) then my friends are talking then my buddy mike yells who has the lighter? then friend 1 says not me friend 2 not me friend 3 nah dude josh must have the lighter, wait he has THE! LIGHTER! that asshole. then as i am pissing i get tackled to the ground and he says dude do you have the lighter and i say "no dude i dont know where it is, then i was like wait as he is walking away and i say dude it was in my left hand the whole time


i have one kinda like this. me and a friend were smoking and i had the liter and i went to piss behind a tree, so i walked out of eyeshot and unzipped and started pissing (it felt soo good). i was about half way through and i realized i was holding the liter not my dick. turns out i pissed all over my pants...


----------



## jinmaster (Aug 20, 2008)

Omg thats funny shit, my mate did that but he just forgot to unzip his jeans completely, we loled so hard at him.


----------



## K1Ng5p4d3 (Aug 20, 2008)

" When i die, I wanna go peacefully, and in my sleep, just like my grampa did - Not screaming for my life, like the other four passengers in his car."


----------



## K1Ng5p4d3 (Aug 20, 2008)

OR

"In the end, i know that 13 1/2 people will decide my fate for the remainder of my life. 12 fuckin jurors, 1 god damn judge, and the 1/2 assed lawyer i hired thats too god damn stupid to get me off of the fuckin charge."


----------



## insane 559 jc (Aug 20, 2008)

premature dank...

The Drought Season

three finger bag

sixty dollars !?! i could get blown for that!

dont pixie my lighter

this sack is pre - pinch


----------



## Mikejuana (Aug 22, 2008)

Alright i got good one that jsut happened few weeks back

*me and some buddies walking down pathway to road afer burning some bong hoots*
Me- Man im so fuuucked, lets grab some pizza munch
Buddy1- Agreed, pizza fuckin key
buddy2 - O shit man look fireworks

( guy on bike passes us)
Bikedude- *pointsup* hey look fireworks

(bikedude hits curbs and flips head over on bike)

me, buddy1, budd2 - HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA ooh shhhhhiiit... ha.. haha..ha


----------



## imaginativethinker (Aug 22, 2008)

Mikejuana said:


> Alright i got good one that jsut happened few weeks back
> 
> *me and some buddies walking down pathway to road afer burning some bong hoots*
> Me- Man im so fuuucked, lets grab some pizza munch
> ...


nice dude, by the way, fireworks are the shit while toked out


----------



## GFresh (Aug 23, 2008)

my dogs know i'm stoned!


----------



## BoB772420 (Aug 24, 2008)

imaginativethinker said:


> i have one kinda like this. me and a friend were smoking and i had the liter and i went to piss behind a tree, so i walked out of eyeshot and unzipped and started pissing (it felt soo good). i was about half way through and i realized i was holding the liter not my dick. turns out i pissed all over my pants...


 
hahahahahahahahaha


----------



## Deep Mind (Aug 25, 2008)

Few months back, theres a group of me and some mates done a nice blunt was all stoned like fuck. I started to think I was hydrating - paniced - whitied, my mates were pissing there selfs laughing while I was fucking thinking I was gunna die and needed a drink (I was feeling drowzee and sick possibly the worst feeling of my life lol) they kept laughing and I just randomly fell on the floor pissing myself while I was white as an albino.. Was some funny shit, some strong bud too.


----------



## vanslyke (Aug 25, 2008)

"man you guys don't know how to party man, back in my day...we partied man"


----------



## RollOneOrTwo420 (Aug 29, 2008)

Hers one every stoner has said: Fuck It!


----------



## Kialhimself (Aug 29, 2008)

how do we know we're not all just part of a bigger picture? and the earth is a piece of bacteria!


----------



## bearo420 (Aug 29, 2008)

yo im flambayed

yo im feelin chippy chap chongo chim


----------



## extracrispy90 (Aug 30, 2008)

ok i got a giant dresser in my room I NEVER use I just neatly stack my cloths at the foot of my bed...

Well we were smoking and we got talkin about cutting down trees and what not, I didn't have any sensible input on it & thought about my use less dresser at home and was like "They should stop making dressers & coffins and start BUILDING more trees out of all that wood!"


----------



## MrFishy (Aug 30, 2008)

"Sometimes when you stop to wonder, it really makes you think"


----------



## Mr.Bong (Aug 30, 2008)

"guys im too home take me stoned"


----------



## Mr.Bong (Aug 30, 2008)

Well i wasn't there when this happened but ill tell it anyways cause my friends have passed down the story.......
Well one of my friends just got kicked out of his friends for smokin in the house, So he calls up my best bong buddy and asks,"Yo! leme come over and smoke this 20 sack with you!" and he says " no i can't smoke i have court soon, but u can come hang out."So he comes over they play GTA for a bit and then my bong buddy says,
"gimme ur weed" other guy asks, "why?" bongbuddy says " Im gunna roll u a joint"other guy,"Oh awesome"so he rolls up the joint they go to the backyard and he lights up and starts to toke. About half way threw the joint they see lights down in the culdisac across the street and the stoned guy(also forgot to mention this guy is incredibly light weight) and says "WTF WAS THAT MAN YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!"bongbuddy says "Yeah man wtf was that" stoned guy screams "FUCKING ALIENS!!!!!" at like 2 in the fucking morning Haha and now every time he gets high with us he will talk about that damn light! (;p sorry long story)


----------



## Hairy Bob (Sep 1, 2008)

Drunk/stoned mate: This weed sucks, it tastes like cardboard.
Me: Dude, you lit the wrong end...


----------



## webber (Sep 1, 2008)

one day me and my friends were in a field behind my house and my friend wasnt on the path but we all were (already baked to shit) i yell "PATTY HOLY FUCK YOUR WALKING IN TONS OF POISON IVY" (not true) but him being convinced anyways.

3 seconds later my other friend yells out "IVE GOT GOLDBOND" the look on his face had me laughing for a good hour and a half


----------



## anonymoushippy123 (Sep 1, 2008)

me: "oh a frog lick it!!!"
friend starts chaseing the frog
me: "no dont lick it you might give it mono!!!"


----------



## mr thc (Sep 1, 2008)

Lol...I have a good one....a month or so ago my friend and I were walking down the street, after having a munch at Macdonalds, and a few pigs drive by. So we start this conversation about how the pigs are out to get everyone and why should we obey these officers of the law, when they have man made laws themselves and humans have flaws and therefore so do the laws and all this crap. Let me just tell you how stoned we were....this was about 4 o'clock....and I was at my prime buzz. We had a 1 gram each wake n' bake (Purple OG Kush....more potent then you would expect from a purple...) at around 11, at around 12:30 we finished Pineapple Express, so I just had to roll a cross joint lmao...which was AMAZING btw...everyone try it who has weed now! At that point we were really high and turned on some awesome music , smoked some cigarettes. We may have had another bong session, I can't remember but we were pretty cut....drunk and stoned...around here we call getting really drunk sloshed so I was "Sloned" you might say. I was like I'd like to sit on a rooftop and snipe some of those mother fuckers, and my friend turns to me and says yeah but you'd go to jail. So I was like yeah, true....or I could train a monkey to snipe people...and we burst out laughing and both turn to each other, still laughing and say "Because you can't charge a monkey with murder" just like that...exact same words lol...then I very nearly dropped to the ground. It was the best lol...or when me and my friends were tripping on shrooms and my gf came down the stairs, eating a banana and I was like "yeah suck that banana" and she said "what? wtf is wrong with bananas? They're delicious"


----------



## mr thc (Sep 1, 2008)

MrFishy said:


> "Sometimes when you stop to wonder, it really makes you think"


Love it....+rep


----------



## averagefred (Sep 1, 2008)

No left turn unstoned


----------



## averagefred (Sep 1, 2008)

I walk into money mart after puffin one. The girl behind the counter is looking at the computer screen. She says, You smell like weed. And I said, Does it say that on the screen? She laughed and I said if someone comes in here and uses my name, and doesnt smell like weed, Dont cash the cheque cuz its not me


----------



## CannaPanda (Sep 1, 2008)

i was in my room with a girl and she starts with the guys r jerks talk... and she ends up saying.. 'guys get everything good, why do the girls parents have to pay for the wedding? its the guys choice' i say 'thats easy.. cuz the guy pays for the divorce...' needless to say, i end up taking her home early 

thats f**ing gold or platinum, averagefred!!!!


----------



## corral hollow kid (Sep 1, 2008)

CannaPanda said:


> i was in my room with a girl and she starts with the guys r jerks talk... and she ends up saying.. 'guys get everything good, why do the girls parents have to pay for the wedding? its the guys choice' i say 'thats easy.. cuz the guy pays for the divorce...' needless to say, i end up taking her home early
> 
> thats f**ing gold or platinum, averagefred!!!!


I must agree that is GREAT!


"Hey Bud...Let's PaRtY!!!"


----------



## JonoPsychonaut (Sep 5, 2008)

So one night, a few friends and I were smoking a few blunts in my basement. We were all pretty stoned and started talking.

Somehow, the topic of this old abandoned mental institution that's down the block came up. We were talking about how we should go there and throw a party one night, and as a joke my friend was imitating what it would be like to be there by saying "Damn nigga, this shit's CRAZY"

GET IT.

har.


----------



## Zardokk (Sep 5, 2008)

I can only really think of one. It was the first time I'd ever smoked weed, and I was driving around with a few friends, passing around a bowl. We were all pretty young (sophomores in high school I think) and inexperienced with smoking weed, so as we were doing it, it was kind of a constant "You feeling anything" kinda thing going on. My friend who's driving keeps saying no, he doesn't feeling anything. Then he comes up to a stoplight. He looks over to my friend in the passenger seat and goes "Dude...that brake...was sooooo weeeeiiiiirrrrrddddd." We all burst into laughter, then we went to a local music venue and a couple of the dudes played a show. Good times.


----------



## amelia bedelia (Sep 9, 2008)

haha just tonight i got one of my roomies stoned for like the 3rd time in her life hahaha. she was the funniest thing.

"ohhh no, no no no no, you don't put peanut butter in the refrigerator!"
"i want to call you chaucer."
(with a mouthful of pb&j sandwich) "i've got to stop this sandwich business."
"i'm trying to save the planet people. i don't see what's funny here."
"do you feel like you're a microscopic thing living on a mushroom? because you're THERE. you'd have so many stories to tell."
"do you ever think the earth is a mushroom inside a giant earth?"
"ohhhh look at all this pepperoni that might get wasted if you don't put it on."
"davíd, do you need to hug it out, bitch?"


----------



## Yeah (Sep 9, 2008)

Alright, got a couple. First happened last year when we went over to a friends house and started taking bong hits in his back yard. I brought 3 g's of the dankest weed I've ever possessed in my life and took 3 hits. Then, I suddenly remember that I had to pick my dog up from the vet. So I say goodbye to everyone and jam over to the vet hoping that they weren't closed. I get inside and I'm standing at the counter. The lady looks up from her computer and says, "Yes...?" I then reply "I'm here to pick up my dog." She asks, "What's your dog's name?" ME: "Ummmmmm..." I couldn't remember my dog's name for a good 10 minutes. It was a sad day for humanity, but a funny one! 


One more. Me and a few of these girls I knew decided we'd go to a park and smoke a bowl or 2 at around midnight. We decide to smoke on a bench which directly faces a chainlink fence separating us from a wooded area. So we were sitting there, chilling on a bench when one of them says something about how the park "closes" at 10 pm. Then the other one says, "shit, what if the cops come?!!?!" Then I say, "Calm the fuck down. If the cops come, we'll just hop the fence to Oregon. What are they gonna do, extradite us?!?"

I still don't fully understand that one, but somehow I was under the impression that we were on the state line separating California from Oregon, which we weren't. lol


----------



## theganman (Oct 16, 2008)

ME WHEN I FIRST STARTED SMOKEING... "MAN U EVER WONDERED WHAT THE GUY WHO DOES SCOOBY DOOS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE IN REAL LIFE!" lol damn all caps.


----------



## SEF (Oct 16, 2008)

A month ago this shit happened.

Me: "His name was Robert Paulson." (I keep chanting this)
My friend: "Dude I thought his name was Bob. Wait, unless it's Bobert?"
Me: "No dude, Bob is the nickname given to dudes named Robert."
My friend: "Oh, what the fuck dude?! You should have told me that earlier! We wouldn't be having this conversation!"

This one happened 3 years ago.

This little bitch kid: "Yeah man me and her got back together."
My bro: "Really? How'd you fix that?"
Bitch: "I bought her a promise ring."
Me: "A promise ring? Dude how old are you? This isn't fucking sixth grade."

Me and my bro laughed for days about that shit.


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Oct 16, 2008)

Smoke untill my eyes bleed!


----------



## surfnugget (Oct 18, 2008)

"just dont drop the bowl."


----------



## budtoker91 (Oct 22, 2008)

On the bike path with 3 friends burnin one down and 2 bikers ride by. my friend goes..


"Watch out for the 90 degree drop at the end"

I laughed my ass off for ever


----------



## Jero (Oct 26, 2008)

my favorite one i remeber right now. My buddy Dylan and i chillin in our school's caf one morning. I had just finished blazin with a buddy and i totally got a mad rush for the munchies so i ordered the schools "Minnie". One hashbrown, two peices of toast, 2 slices of bacon and one egg scrambled. The ultimate stoner breakfast, when the krew shows up. I could totally tell they too had just finished blazin and dyl and i started talking about how shitty the bacon was. I was just about to throw it away when dylan looked at me real serious, grabbed my arm and said "Dude....What if they shipped this bacon off to indonesia and the little kids there make tires out of them. NO...WAIT....What if they did burn outs, and the fuckin ground smelt like cooked bacon when they were down?.....DOOD, THAT WOULD BE SO TIGHT"


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Oct 27, 2008)

"smoke weed every day"


----------



## Jou (Oct 27, 2008)

"Dont give a fuck!"


----------



## buffalosoulja (Oct 27, 2008)

a line said by dialated peoples

i can smoke an 8th in a spliff, some call it a prob, i call it a gift.


----------



## buffalosoulja (Oct 27, 2008)

Ah man i really screwed up this time ,rents due, and I dont have any money, i better shape up and find a new job quick, but first maybe i'll get a little high.
-Towelieeeee


My thoughts exactly


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Oct 28, 2008)

SHIT!.....wheres my lighter?!?


----------



## crippledguy (Oct 28, 2008)

"smoke weed
get drunk
and fuck!"


----------



## Baz (Oct 28, 2008)

Knock Knock.....

stoner 1: Dude, someones at the door
stoner 2: ya i kno..
stoner 1: shouldn't you like answer it?
stoner 2: erm i dunno, who you think it is?
stoner 1: (pause) i don't know dude
stoner 1: Shall i answer the door dude?
stoner 2: yea sure man, you go answer the door
stoner !: i wonder who it could be this early (1:45 pm)

stoner 1: man! theres no fuker there, wtf is all that about..
stoner 2 thats fuken freaky man.


----------



## jfgordon1 (Oct 28, 2008)

"who ate my fries?.."

"dude... u ate ur fries"

"(chuckle)...oh yah"


----------



## alexis plant (Oct 28, 2008)

After a session a friend said," my memory sux, it ain't the weed either, I been forgetting shit as long as I can remember" that had us rolling for a while.


----------



## ALX420 (Oct 28, 2008)

"this is you brain.
this is your brain on drugs."

"MMmmmmm, BrAInS!"


----------



## iplaystoned (Oct 29, 2008)

Friend 1: "I heard smokin' doesn't actually make you thirsty, you just think you are thirsty"

Friend 2: "Not true cause I'm thirsty as shit"


----------



## anotherchance (Oct 29, 2008)

"daves not here man" who was that again? oh ya god i think


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Oct 29, 2008)

Duuuuuuuuuude!
Sweeeeeeeeeeet!


----------



## Dislexicmidget2021 (Oct 31, 2008)

Confuseus once say: It is better to have lobster on piano than crabs on youre organ.

-You can pick youre friends and you can pick youre nose,but you cant wipe youre friends on the back of the sofa!


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

a woman is only a woman.

a good joint is a smoke.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

my whole life i spent my money on drugs, booze, and women.




all the rest of my money, was wasted.


----------



## tckfui (Nov 1, 2008)

tellephons are fucking crazy!!! how does a magnet pick up the vibrations of my voice and translate it into some strange electrical code, and than a second magnet translates this electrisity into some vibrations... that happen to be my voice, simply amazing... I'm high... or am I?


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

tckfui said:


> tellephons are fucking crazy!!! how does a magnet pick up the vibrations of my voice and translate it into some strange electrical code, and than a second magnet translates this electrisity into some vibrations... that happen to be my voice, simply amazing... I'm high... or am I?


wires wrapped around the magnet emit electricity and interrupt the magnetic field of the magnet. that causes the magnet to vibrate against the cone which amplifies it into recognizable sound.

still cool.


----------



## tckfui (Nov 1, 2008)

yea rite, nice try!!! if only it were really that simple! if it was I would have a phone!


----------



## BigBudBalls (Nov 1, 2008)

tckfui said:


> yea rite, nice try!!! if only it were really that simple! if it was I would have a phone!


It is that simple. Thats how sound waves are transformed into electrical signals. Then off to a preamp then amp and conditioned and sent down the line. How did you think Alex Bell made one back in the late 1800's?


----------



## DevilDogg3103 (Nov 1, 2008)

Katt Williams- "You see that,i can see why they call it a couch,but this Mother fucka here nigga,this shit right here nigga,this is a love seat.I can't even sit in it if i'm not in love. What kinda shit is that"


----------



## insane 559 jc (Nov 1, 2008)

what were we just talking about....


----------



## tckfui (Nov 1, 2008)

BigBudBalls said:


> It is that simple. Thats how sound waves are transformed into electrical signals. Then off to a preamp then amp and conditioned and sent down the line. How did you think Alex Bell made one back in the late 1800's?



yea thats soo typical of you big balls!!! take his side then!!! 
alex bell didn't make the first phone according to a plaque on my corner, it was some Italian guy, and then bell fucked him over, so take that!


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

"aint nothin' worse than a smart dumb nigga."


----------



## tckfui (Nov 1, 2008)

haha!!! I thought the dumb dumb ones were the worst 
man now I feel like going down there and reading it... only one problem I lied!!! its like 6 blocks away


----------



## anotherchance (Nov 1, 2008)

Inagaddadavida, baby!


----------



## BigBudBalls (Nov 1, 2008)

tckfui said:


> yea thats soo typical of you big balls!!! take his side then!!!
> alex bell didn't make the first phone according to a plaque on my corner, it was some Italian guy, and then bell fucked him over, so take that!



Actually a giant sorry to the thread. Forgot it was a stoner quote thread.
(typical tech-head am I)

But then there was many first inventors of 'things'. Airplane comes to mind. Alex got the credit in history, so it sticks (right or wrong)


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 1, 2008)

"dont quote me bitch, i aint said nothin' yet."




sorry Easy, had to quote you G.


----------



## ragged crushing (Nov 1, 2008)

"dont threaten me with a good time"


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 2, 2008)

"Cigarellos!~"


----------



## GuLaMaStEr (Nov 2, 2008)

good times at university in my dorm lol...

my buddy "did you just fucking febreeze the closet man?" me "......man i dont have a closet, thats the door"


----------



## Impulse13 (Nov 3, 2008)

If the ocean was weed, and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom, and smoke my way up.

But the ocean ain't weed, and I ain't a duck, so hand me that bong, and shut the fuck up ^_^

I've known that one for years... and my favorite afro man remix

ORIGINAL: Roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems! Feelin' high as hell, flyin' through Palmdale, skatin on dayton rims.

REMIX: Roll, roll, roll my joint, pas it down the line! Take a toke, hold your smoke, and blow your fuckin' mind!


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Nov 3, 2008)

1 dolla 2 dolla 3 dolla 4,
get ur ass out there and find me a whore!


----------



## looselikeanoose (Nov 3, 2008)

A few off the top of my head, which Im sure have already been said but ehh ah well.


"Have you ever seen the back of a twenty dollar bill man? Have you ever seen the back of a twenty dollar bill on..WEED MAN! There's some trippy shit man!"

"I'm way to stoned to drive to the devils house"

Our old saying for packing a bowl - "Pack it strong"
Can't remember anymore off the top of my head, oh year here's one

*Ring Ring* "Marajuana affects the memory"


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Nov 4, 2008)

life sucks,then u die,
fuck the world,lets all get high!


----------



## DaGambler (Nov 4, 2008)

especially apt for growers...

"Never give up on a dream because of how long it will take to accomplish it, the time will pass anyway."


----------



## easybud (Nov 7, 2008)

this is kinda one of those you had to be there.

me and my boy get pulled over and i look at him and he looks at me and he goes "dude, im too high to run from the cops."


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 7, 2008)

"yo' lil lungs is too small to hot box with god."

-Xzibit.


----------



## BigBudBalls (Nov 7, 2008)

Not a quote, but cute.

Had an ex GF. Her ex left a bag of weed behind (I wasn't smoking at this point) But she tried and tried to smoke it. She even held her nose closed as she took a hit. 
She just never got it.


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 8, 2008)

"I can't stop moving my foot!" -little kid smoking in the bushes.


----------



## rehab (Nov 10, 2008)

figured I throw this up here for good measure. Its our saying for when we smoke...

"in for a hit, in for a bowl. In for a bowl, in for the bag."

speaks the truth doesn't it 


and this is more u had 2 be there... (we were at dragon buffet)

dude i ain't walkin all the way back there (to the table), it's like a god damn marathon!


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 10, 2008)

"fuck that mission" -my fat ass when asked to make a "quick run" to costco accross town.


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 10, 2008)

FluffyToke said:


> "fuck that mission" -my fat ass when asked to make a "quick run" to costco accross town.


there is no such thing as a "quick run to costco".
which costco do you go to dude?


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 10, 2008)

it's on washington I think.


----------



## slackjack (Nov 10, 2008)

Sign at the bar I used to go to (when I drank):
"Stress - The result of the mind's overcoming the body's basic instinct to beat the shit out of some asshole that deserves it"

definetly more of an alchy quote, but...meh


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 10, 2008)

hey, I laughed.


----------



## slackjack (Nov 10, 2008)

haha, I thought of another had to be there quote while reading through. It happened over a bowl of ramen my buddy had just microwaved:

"SHUT UP!!! I mean, STOP BEING HOT"


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 10, 2008)

"swear to god those aren't my batteries"
when talking faded about it being the remote's fault that the TV sucked that day.


----------



## BigBudBalls (Nov 10, 2008)

Saw a HUGE guy, I mean like 400-500lbs with a t-shirt that read: 
" I beat anorexia "


----------



## slackjack (Nov 10, 2008)

LMAO... I love this thread, thought of some more:

HS counselor: "Where on this scale does your addiction fall"
me: "oh, just passed seeking the buzz"
HS counselor: "Really? I'd put you alot more on the addicted side."
me: "well, in the words of the big lebowski 'Thats just like...your opinion, man'"

My boy Paul as we're hotboxing: "Dude these kids are gonna think the cars on fire!"

Me: "Listening to Primus makes me want to drop acid and take over small countries"

My friend before running away from a DUI: "Law don't go around here, law dog" (he was trying to quote tombstone)


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 10, 2008)

lol I got one from primus

"It's pudding time"  check it, it's a real song.


----------



## slackjack (Nov 10, 2008)

LOL, good call, Primus is full of stoner quotes!! I saw them righ before the elections in 04 and Claypool gave a long speech on why we should elect him in which he promised only to ingest mushrooms and pot while in office. I love that band!


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 11, 2008)

primus is full of tweaker quotes.


that is some tripped out shit.


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 11, 2008)

hahah, you can't ever really hate primus, just listen to them less.


----------



## crippledguy (Nov 11, 2008)

here they come dun dun, here they come..

here come the bastards!


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 11, 2008)

heheheh. one of my faves.


----------



## slackjack (Nov 11, 2008)

a quote from Les on a live recording i got:

"You know, throwing things on stage is a sign of small and insignificant genitalia"


----------



## crippledguy (Nov 11, 2008)

sea of cheese...........................


american cheese that is


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 11, 2008)

happy cows come from california.


----------



## harryt43 (Nov 11, 2008)

One time my friends and I were crusing around real late and it was dark and my friend who was driving just looked up and goes, "Dude where the fuck are we?" Funniest shit ever


----------



## crippledguy (Nov 11, 2008)

where about in cali?


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 11, 2008)

prolly NoCal, I don't see many cows down here


----------



## GNOME GROWN (Nov 12, 2008)

boompoolaa


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 13, 2008)

it's gnome grown! word up!


----------



## slackjack (Nov 14, 2008)

lol, fluffy did all that ginger name calling make you change your photo??


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 14, 2008)

nope, but I guess it certainly solves the problem I had


----------



## Baz (Nov 14, 2008)

FluffyToke said:


> nope, but I guess it certainly solves the problem I had


 Why, people aint been calling you a ginger cunt have they bud?


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 15, 2008)

it doesn't matter if they do, I can show em.


----------



## Baz (Nov 15, 2008)

Lol good good, i wrote that when i was high as a kite last night, good some real good blueberry, can't wait till 7:30 to smoke some more!!


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## FluffyToke (Nov 15, 2008)

nice, I'm supposed to wake N bake with a homie round 8


----------



## evan420asheville (Nov 16, 2008)

i dont remeber any, but i guess that was one


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 17, 2008)

every stoner has atleast said this once. "what? "


----------



## buffalosoulja (Nov 17, 2008)

what? 
bump


----------



## ALX420 (Nov 17, 2008)

"she called me the next day to tell me i owed money for the hotel room" -CASHOLE


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 17, 2008)

"the universe is infinitely complex and unimaginable, a man's brain on the other hand has the cognitive efficiency of a tennis court.


----------



## Crispy (Nov 17, 2008)

This is hilarious! I'm just now getting back into smoking, I got into some trouble when I thought I was some hot shot dealer back in the day...but here's a small story I remember from a few yrs ago.

It all takes place at a round table at my apt. where me and my roomie always smoke. After gettin demolished one day, we start talking about the different kinds of weed, and different highs you get. This conversation quickly moved to dumbass' on the street that make up names and shit for their weed, just to bump the price up. I.E. "crippy" " yellow pajamas" etc...
Naturally, we started making up our own names, as a joke between us. Whenever one of us would get some new stuff, we'd call the other one and say," yo man I got that new shit...that that frosted flakes type shit, I'm talkin some fruity pebbles baby". I guess you guys had to be there ,but this went on for a good 1/2 a year.


----------



## stalebiscuit (Nov 18, 2008)

my fried bob gave a good one once

"what stays in rome, goes on in las vegas"

"i hope they get hit by a dumb bus"-taylor my brother
"........WHAT?!"-me

and then this one

"Cuz I needed ta check out a book fo' pickin' locks (Why? Cuz I iz gangsta!) Da librerean wuz a bitch, especially when I tried ta check out. She wuz like: "Sir, you cannot take that book out." And I wuz like: "Bitch, why?" And she den said dat cuz I wuz a black man, dey don't serve my kind! Dat wuz da last straw! So I pulled out my gat and den I said: "Yo hoe! Tell da Lawd dat you be ovadue!" I shot hurr in da head, and stole all of da cash from da ovadue fines. Dayum, da librearay sho' be a good place ta lurrn!"


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 18, 2008)

"I can't believe it's not butter"


----------



## Baz (Nov 18, 2008)

Hamerite! does exactly what it says on the tin.


----------



## FluffyToke (Nov 18, 2008)

"bag balm is the shit" when talking about bag balm, a special oil meant for cow utters.


----------



## slackjack (Nov 18, 2008)

dude, i was milkin cows not long ago and can honestly say bag balm is the shit! 
...but remember that applies _mostly_ to cows


----------



## wurzel75 (Nov 29, 2008)

(another chinese resturant one)
went for chinese buffet stoned to fuk the other week with a few pals,
while we was sitting down having a munch a fit sexy ass bitch was trying to squeeze past our table to get to hers and my pal was trying to drop some lyrics on her she just turned round and said dont look like you got much down they little dick..and most of the other customers heard to..man that would have crushed me and sent me on a para trip.
well not my pal he just turned and said, Baby it might be small but ive got a fast arse..we and most of the other customers were laughing our heads off lol a few started choking because they had a mouth full off food, and that was making us laugh even more.....easy people


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## FluffyToke (Nov 29, 2008)

I remember the last time I went to a chinese buffet. they are the shit. all the eggrolls and chinese food you can fucking eat. DELICIOUS.


----------



## crippledguy (Dec 2, 2008)

SPAM SPAM SPAM and Ketup!


----------



## Budda_Luva (Dec 2, 2008)

ok now that i rember 
there was this one time when it was me n like 7 of my homies chillin gettin str8 blowed in my room.. lol i juss bought a new bong n i had put blue party lights on n all ove a sudden my guy next to me ( apu ) said "damn" i look at him n he has his hand up " i feel like im in the ocean" n he starts movin his head in a weird ass way n i lost my breath cuz i busted out laughgin shit was hilarious


----------



## FluffyToke (Dec 2, 2008)

I've been doin shit like that for years ;D


----------



## funkdocKT (Dec 2, 2008)

"where's my fucking keys?" or "what was i talking about?"

^ my ultimate stoner questions


----------



## Baz (Dec 3, 2008)

or eva been looking for a blunt u just made and the fukers in your mouth?


----------



## FluffyToke (Dec 3, 2008)

or behind ya ears


----------



## Baz (Dec 3, 2008)

when i was young i was walking accross the kitchen to the table with a plate of really nice food in one hand and a plate with some bread on in the other, upon noticing the bread slipping away i threw the meal to catch the bread.

I had a really nice meal that night lol


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## FluffyToke (Dec 3, 2008)

I'm going to make a comic about a kid eating food off the floor for you baz. it will be filled with lol.


----------



## K1Ng5p4d3 (Dec 4, 2008)

On the real though, i think this has GOT to be the greatest stoner quote of ALL TIME!!!!

but...unfortunately, i cant repeat it and have the same effect as it would have if you guys actually heard it from the horses mouth.

so....HERE!! 

http://tinyurl.com/Greatest-Stoner-Quote-Ever


* HAPPY HOLIDAYS RRIU!!!*


----------



## BigBudBalls (Dec 4, 2008)

FluffyToke said:


> I'm going to make a comic about a kid eating food off the floor for you baz. it will be filled with lol.



LOL Had a buddy. The dog stole his RingDing. So he went and got it back!


----------



## FluffyToke (Dec 4, 2008)

his name is billy.


----------



## Setadoon420 (Dec 4, 2008)

My stoner quote while watching national geo, "Whoa Dude....alligators are just really big lizards."


----------



## FluffyToke (Dec 4, 2008)

"that thing zig-zags!!"


----------



## growinman (Dec 4, 2008)

I stole it....in my sig. I 've used it for years and dont even remember where I found it.....

"I'd love to see things from your point of view.....I just cant get my head that far up my ass"--_stolen_


----------



## JGkcu (Dec 5, 2008)

One of my own- "Time goes by so fast, and so slow"


----------



## Illegalbreather (Dec 6, 2008)

I just saw one here a few days ago - 

"Weed merely indroduces you to yourself" wow


----------



## SEF (Dec 6, 2008)

A few years back when me and my bro started smokin' weed together he made up this little rhyme:

_Balls are a penis too,
just cut in half,
without the Shroo!_


----------



## runsfromdacops (Dec 6, 2008)

Illegalbreather said:


> I just saw one here a few days ago -
> 
> "Weed merely indroduces you to yourself" wow


i like this one.


----------



## mulishadude (Dec 7, 2008)

im no vegetarian but im off my chops ha ha


----------



## budbomb (Dec 8, 2008)

so so true



Majikoopa said:


> For somebody on a board that is about marijuana, you are awful voilent. Blow a hit and calm down. Peace


----------



## Budda_Luva (Dec 9, 2008)

Illegalbreather said:


> I just saw one here a few days ago -
> 
> "Weed merely indroduces you to yourself" wow


thats bob marly but he put it in a different way 

"Smoking the herb reveals you to yourself"


----------



## Hairy Bob (Dec 9, 2008)

Far too many times I've rolled up, put the joint behind my ear while I go get food, come back, sit down and roll another. Once I did it twice and ended up with one behind either ear and a fresh rolled one in front of me. I usually only notice when it falls out/I scratch my head.
I'ts good finding joints you forgot about, but makes me think I should smoke less. Especially after chain-smoking 3 doobies!


----------



## Woomeister (Dec 9, 2008)

pavements(sidewalks) arent they brilliant, everywhere you walk there seems to be one.


----------



## Baz (Dec 9, 2008)

Woomeister said:


> pavements(sidewalks) arent they brilliant, everywhere you walk there seems to be one.


 Man dont ya ever.. like take your Nikes off road man?

You can buy 4x4 Nikes now..down at JJB LMAO


----------



## Baz (Dec 9, 2008)

Hairy Bob said:


> Far too many times I've rolled up, put the joint behind my ear while I go get food, come back, sit down and roll another. Once I did it twice and ended up with one behind either ear and a fresh rolled one in front of me. I usually only notice when it falls out/I scratch my head.
> I'ts good finding joints you forgot about, but makes me think I should smoke less. Especially after chain-smoking 3 doobies!


 Lmao

Always good to find unexpected ear trasure huh


----------



## Budda_Luva (Dec 9, 2008)

HAHAH pretty funny when it falls down i bet ur like .. wtf?!?


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Dec 14, 2008)

here's a couple conversations I had with my firends last night....sorry the first one is REALLLY long. I just copy and pasted.

#1
Friend: the shit poeple come up with these days..
Me: like dick in a box
Friend: hayeah?
Me: who would've known a thousand years ago, that such a concept would be funny!?!?
Friend: i know for serious!
Me: yeah!! it would sound absurd in those days!! the day's of 1008!!
Friend: hahah definetly
Me: you know what they were doing? building fucking boats, that take 5 years to make!! because they don't have technology like we do!! of course they couldn't think about that shit you know why? they had most of their time on making that god damned boat!! and then after the day was done, they'd think about how good they did making that fucking boat. that piece of shit boat. and then they slept and when they woke up they went!! breakfast...THEN THE FUCKING BOAT!! then the times changed
Friend: hahahhaha
Me: we were thinking more and more to think less!! and you know what!?!?! WE SUCCEEDED TO WELL!! and now I have fucking nostradamus and shit making fun of me. you know, fucking nostradamus, he didn't think of no boats. he just thought, and thought, and thought, and THOUGHT SOME MORE!! not about a boat, but everything, and he fucking predicted shit. he fucking...he was this, and he was that. that's what he was. and ALBERT EINSTEIN!! he didn't cease to think. he had the technology to not think, but that wasn;t good enough for him!!! so he thought some more, and now look at his dead, wasted, useless body in the ground, six feet under. but he was a geniuss!! from Germany!! I think...yeah, GERMANY!!!!!!!!!! that's where they come from man,you hyad Hitler who was a nut bar and a half, then fucking Einstein!! but they used their thoughts for different reasons
Friend: that's true
Me: Einstein was for the betterment. Hitler...of mand kind*
Friend: worserment!
Me: Hitler, he was the anti man. he thougth of this crazy shit man!! for the betterment of his kinda mankind, but not for everyone else. he was in his own little fucking world there man. he didn't know what the fuck was going on outside him. he was a crazy man man. he was a bit cuckoo. insane in the membrane you know what I'm saying?
Friend: i do ido. nowyou neeed to relaxmatt! that was amazing, but still...
Me: what do you mean by amazing man?
Friend: you just typedall that crazy shit! haha. fuckinnnnn....rediculous
Me: did it make sense!? is it something that if i rad it in the morning, I won't be all like "AWW WHAT THE FUCK!?" or willl it be like "...I fucking wrote that shit man!"
Friend: hahah. ye thesecond one
Me: ..yesssssssss
Friend: are you high or some shit man??
Me: extremely

#2
Friend: yea..thought you were high as hell
Me: dude, hell is low man. I'm fucking...I'm fucking high as shit
Friend: High as heaven
Me: because when shit is floating in the toilet, it's at the top of the toilet as opposed to the bottom. so right now, I'm high as shit

#3
Me: I'm back up and it feels like my left (your right) eye is melting
Friend: Nice. what if were facing the same direction tho?
Me: then it would be your left too man. but you wouldn't be able to see it so you look at me from straight on, then it would turn into your right
Friend: ..yea..i would
Me: but!! if you were starting into a mirror
Friend: weill..i dont start at mirrors
Me: it would be your left and my right. or wait....no I fucked that up. brb
Friend: kk
Me: ok, if we were looking into a mirror, it would be my left and your left. except you would be able to see it not. now*
Friend: ...i dont like mirrors..i have a phoabic phobia


----------



## Baz (Dec 14, 2008)

HoppusTheCaveman said:


> here's a couple conversations I had with my firends last night....sorry the first one is REALLLY long. I just copy and pasted.
> 
> #1
> Friend: the shit poeple come up with these days..
> ...


 Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... WTF were you on dude lmfao!


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Dec 14, 2008)

Baz said:


> Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... WTF were you on dude lmfao!


 idk what kind of weed it was, but it was SOO goooood lmao.


----------



## Baz (Dec 14, 2008)

Lmao send some my way...

The melting eye bit had me laughing ha ha


----------



## funkdocKT (Dec 14, 2008)

"damn, i broke another bong"


----------



## FeRiZaJLI (Dec 17, 2008)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?



alllll the fuckin time dude agagagagaahahhahahagghaghaghaghaghaaghahg 

i hate that shit u ask for a light cuz the blunt went out everyone is high out there minds and they all look at you like ur stupid


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Dec 18, 2008)

marching down the street yelling like a German dictator "ES-TRO-GEEENNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"(estrogen)


----------



## nirvanaphreak24 (Dec 20, 2008)

"oh theres going to be more violence, i hate violence you gotta go in there and beat em up!" 

+rep to whoever can figure out what movie its from


----------



## MisterMicro (Dec 20, 2008)

dude people are so talk alot.

ya man, thats so true.

Edit: haha now a regenerated stoner quote, altert once more from the effect of buddah.


----------



## bluebudmagnus (Dec 21, 2008)

HoppusTheCaveman said:


> he was a crazy man man. he was a bit cuckoo. insane in the membrane you know what I'm saying?


 
haha sick, i do the man man thing all the time.

after smoking a few doobies my friend invented something incredible. He'd be a revolutionary thinker had he been born aboout 10,000 years ago. The words that came out of his mouth went a little something like this...

Friend: Ah, wouldn't it be sweet if, instead of being paid in money, we got paid in skins, tobacco and weed....Ah shit no, _VOUCHERS_ for skins, baccy and weed! That'd be sick, right??

Me: That'd be pretty nice man, but it sounds familiar...

Friend: Shit, I just invented money, fucking currency man. I'm good, I know.


Myself and another friend were enjoying a new glass pipe that he'd bought of the magical internet in my car one evening outside a cinema...

Friend was holding said pipe and ading a gauze...

Me: you want the first hit? It is your pipe..your weed...
Friend: you know what? It is my pipe, my weed and, _IT'S MY TIME..._
Me: Alriiiighttt


Check back for more inventions and cheesy quotes


----------



## bluebudmagnus (Dec 21, 2008)

I've just remembered something, I regularly buy a prticular type of skins/papers called Highland Skins. Not sure if you can get them outside the UK. But, they come with dedicated roach card with slogans/poems/generally witty shit.

some of my favourites are...

Don't get angry, get STONED...then get EVEN

When in Rome, Eat Lions.

and...

Fed up? Skin up!

I need another doobie, anyboyd else got anything related??


----------



## MisterMicro (Dec 21, 2008)

When in doubt, Smoke a fat joint.

Lifes a bitch an then you die, so smoke a fat joint.

and my favorite

Smoke a fat joint.

haha, let me get some divine inspiration


----------



## bluebudmagnus (Dec 21, 2008)

MisterMicro said:


> When in doubt, Smoke a fat joint.
> 
> Lifes a bitch an then you die, so smoke a fat joint.
> 
> ...


 
that is some good shit, i want some of that inspiration xx


----------



## Ghosteh (Dec 22, 2008)

Here's one that happened in a car with my brother and some friends.

Him: I'm high as God right now.
Me: Nah. God's not this high.


----------



## Perfextionist420 (Dec 22, 2008)

"Seek truth, observe nature, and educate yourself, and live while you live. Enjoy this life, it's short."


"When the world learns the power of love over the love of power we will experience peace"

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol or violence to anyone but they've always worked for me"

"Buy the ticket take the ride"

"When the going gets weird the weird turn pro"

"The edge... there really is no way to explain it because the only people who know where it is are the ones who have gone over."

"The tendency is to push it as far as you can"

"The question is not why, but why not?"

"Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?"


----------



## skint (Dec 23, 2008)

ok just a convo i had in my head resenly and been tripyin on it. ok so im baked as fuck right then i just ramdomly think this up.


Theres two worlds, one the boring normal day life one with war hate and destruction. And then the other world love, peace and joy, no existence of hatred. Now to get to this world of love and peace joy, you have to smoke the herb now, if only every one was stoned every day would there be war? would there be all this hate? would there be all this destruction? all this judgement? all this.

"herb is the gateway to another world of peace love and joy."


----------



## jinmaster (Dec 23, 2008)

bluebudmagnus said:


> I've just remembered something, I regularly buy a prticular type of skins/papers called Highland Skins. Not sure if you can get them outside the UK. But, they come with dedicated roach card with slogans/poems/generally witty shit.
> 
> some of my favourites are...
> 
> ...


I used to get them skins before I found better ones you get in the UK, go for Bob Marley Kings they are amazing.
+rep for knowing highland skins.


----------



## Kodank Moment (Dec 23, 2008)

Me and a friend were baked, when someone took a picture. I said "hey this is a kodank moment!..get it?" No one laughed and I felt retarded. It stuck though and hence my name.


----------



## Roseman (Dec 26, 2008)

DO YOU FEEL MORE LIKE YOU DO NOW, THAN YOU DID A WHILE AGO?

OF DID YOU FEEL LIKE THAT A WHILE AGO, MORE THAN YOU DO NOW?


i JUST KNOW I FEEL LIKE THIS ALL OVER MORE THAN ANYWHERE ELSE.


----------



## cannabis14 (Dec 26, 2008)

'' No pinkeye for me, i am HIGH.'' -Knocked Up


----------



## Wiconi (Dec 28, 2008)

Background:
My 17, year old was home and on the night before her 18th birthday, she said she wanted to get stoned as soon as she turned 18. So, At the stroke of midnight, she has the bowl, hits it, and passes it, with the warning, 

"You might want to be careful, I think I mighta drooled on that." 


Two minutes later, she reflects:

"You know - it's kinda forked up that the first thing I had to say upon turning 18 was ' You might want to be careful, I think I mighta drooled on that."

WE haven't stopped laughing yet - and she is STILL getting $hit for it!!





CYA byline: This is all made up!


----------



## xXGun4HyreXx (Dec 29, 2008)

Me, and 2 friends were at a friend of ours' house.
I had to make a phone call, so I went outside for 2 minutes to do the call. I come back inside and my friend James says "Uh, Jack. Matt got totally stoned when you went outside"
So Matt walks in and is like "Dude.. wait a minute.. when the fuck did Jack get here?"
The sad part about it was, I was with him the whole time. I had even bought him an energy drink about 20 minutes before.
So I told him that and he was saying "OOOOOOHHH!" for like 5 straight minutes.
So funny.


----------



## HoppusTheCaveman (Dec 31, 2008)

here's another really long one. I was doing a survey kind of thing and I just rambled on and on so it probnably doesn't make much sense.

"What is your favor&#8203;ite kind of ice cream&#8203;?&#8203;&#8203;&#8203;
don't have a favorite ice cream. it's just whatever's floating my boat. or maybe I just wanna try something that I haven't tried before. look at fucking Ben & Jerry's man. they have some whacked out fucking ice cream, and I've tried preotty much all of them. I could honestly say that I love almost all of them too. like, ice cream was supposed to be fucked with. any kind of food is supposed to be. tastes get boring and you just need to throw some spice on it and see if it works. sometimes it's for the worst, but with the right decisions it can become something great. something fucking revolutionary to this world. I mean, imagine what ice cream was branched over from? that's fucking insane. as with everything else nowadays. got to a supermarket and just examine everything that there is. your head would fucking explode thinking hhow someone could've just thought up something like that to make it taste good to not only them, but other people as well. how. it can't just be a mistake that made all of this possible, some real shit was put into figuring out how cupcakes will be tasty. not saying that it doesn't happen by mistake though. look at fucking cavemen. fire, the discovery of fire was revolutionary to what the human race is today. it's like it sparked real thoughts within everyone and the more we thought the better things got. or no, the easier things got, because we fucked up somewhere and now you have big brother sitting on your shoulder, looking at everything that we're doing. and if you do something someone doesn't like, or a certain group of people don't like, he's gonna fucking fuck you. but those groups of people are like the people that make their food to taste better. thy think up of something that they personally like. they give it to people, some like it, others don't. it's like a continuing exchange of minorities of food. a certain group of people who like this specific group of food will just fucking sell out to make everyone else like it even if it doesn't taste all that good. like, look at water. water is the fucking base to most things. we could've just had plain old water, but water kinda sold out to fucking everything. some things that made an even better ingredient.and no we have fucking ther other main things, and they sold out to other things as well. milk sold out to cheese, and butter and shit. all of these things are interconnected somehow and they make one specific thing that can be fucked with a little, but just to a certain extent. those groups are small and weak and sometimes just temporarily exist. like this shit is fucking true with everything, fucking everything. it's like a law that was created by mistake. thought has fucked us so bad in the long run. the only way to unite back to that certain equilibrim where everyone can just like everything, or at least be open minded enough, than that would be a perfect world. that can't happen, it won't. no matteer how much you fight for it, certain people just don't want to listen. there can be peace though I believe. if just we all met half way in a way. we can still disagree with one another, but as long as we can meet to an agreeable point where no one will lose their lives, where no one has to brop that bomb, then we are at peace. I don't think many people can really understand that's what peace is. you have the fake hippie people who just toatlly contradict what peace actually is because they're just being that way as a trend. nothing with a true meaning should be able to stoop to that level. that level of just doing it just to be cool. just to be with the in crowd. look at anything. look at anarchy. I honestly can say that I don't know much about anarchy, but I'm sure the intentions of anarchy wasn't supposed to be sold from Hot Topic and Spencer's. it's a crazy and sadistic world out there children...

soo uuuh....I don't have a favorite flavor of ice cream"


----------



## SmokeyMcSmokester (Dec 31, 2008)

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." 
Hunter S. Thompson


----------



## RetiredToker76 (Dec 31, 2008)

I'm sitting on the floor next to my wife who's buzz for the first time in her life.

Our two best friends (novices) are sitting diagonal to us on the couch.

I'm playing my Zune and the 1968 play 'Hair' has come up in my play list.

All of us being stoned, me VERY stoned, I started singing along. 

Our friend: 
"Do you realize your husbands sitting on the floor singing show tunes?"

My Wife (Looks down at me):
"Yup"

I break during the chorus:
"Man you just completely don't get it, dude." 

My Wife:
"You're stoned."

Me:
"Let the sunshine in, the sun-shine in..."

Wife:
"Shit he's singing show tunes.."




It's really hard to tell a story stoned. 

-RT76


----------



## Immortalica (Jan 3, 2009)

I always smoke with my buddies, and we always say some stupid yet hilarious stuff, but I can never really remember them. But here's a couple.

Me: "Dude! My hands are TINY!!! HOLY SHIT! GAAAAHHHH"
Friend: "DUDE YOUR HANDS ARE FUCKING TINY AHAHAHAHAH"
I actually thought my hands were like microscopic.

Another time me and one of my friends are in the town over, waiting at a bus stop. So were sitting on the curb high as shit, laughing at everything that moves. We see this one stereotypical gangster Jay-Z look alike and we just start making monkey noises.
Me: "Look at this guy. Look at his hat. Hahaha..."
Friend: "Yo it's Monkey Boy"
Together: "Ooh-ooh ah ah!"
We continued to laugh at this guy until he went away, making fun of his flat-brimmed hat, yellow pants, and Obama shirt.

Moments later, this one guy across the street yells over to us so everybody can hear (there's quite a few people in this area)
Guy: "Heeeeey! I know you guys!"
Us: "Uhhhh...."
Guy: "Hey everybody! Look it's Beavis and Butthead! They're laughing at everything! Musta got some good shit!"
We just look at each like WTF then continued laughing like nothing happened.


----------



## RzLrd (Jan 3, 2009)

*trying to stand up after sitting*
"Dude, there's so much gravity"

*Jumping in a parking lot*
"It's like I know I can fly, but they won't let me"

This isn't so much a quote as it is something funny that happened. We'd just finished smoking, and were coming up the hill from the valley we were in, and there's one of those little like 4 foot metal gates to keep cars out. And i hop it, and i turn around just i time to see my friend try and hop it, but catch his foot on it as he jumps, and fall face first into the dirt. After a minute of laughing, he gets up on his knees, and raises his hands to the sky (covered in dirt) and screams "Looook at meeee!" in a rather pathetic whimpering voice.


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## blazindapurple (Jan 3, 2009)

yeah i dont have a quote but when i get high i start to do the wave and bobble my head like an indian its fuckin hilarious


----------



## chronik4lyfe (Jan 3, 2009)

they walk upright like a homoerectus... did i say homo.. i diddnt mean that - half baked


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## blazindapurple (Jan 3, 2009)

lol i got so high one time i thought i was speaking alould when i thought so i stared at my friend for like 5 mins and he was like dude? wtf? dear god i laughed so hard


----------



## Hazmat (Jan 4, 2009)

babanananananannan


----------



## WhatAmIDoing (Jan 4, 2009)

"Is this smoke blue?"

~"I don't know, it looks like every other color."


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## Psychedelics and Chronic (Jan 5, 2009)

This one isn't a quote, its a story of about 2 weeks ago.

I was with my friend J and we got home from a bar at 2 am. We go inside and J has work at 6 in the morning, has to leave at 5:30 so he passes out. I go downstairs where his sister and like 5 of her friends are downstairs playing drinking games. I go down and smoke them down and they toss me some beer and we all start playing some drinking game together. (some random card one, haven't played it before) After like 20 minutes I want to smoke again, great weed but it was a big circle and I only packed 1 bowl. I decided to pack 2 more bowls. We all smoke again and everyone looses interest in the game and passes out except for J's sister. 4:20 comes around so I pack another bowl, we were smoking out of an apple, and when I pass it to J's sis (24 years old and been smoking since she was 15) I watch as she almost burns her hair twice. She keeps trying to hit it and the flame is not being pulled into the weed. I assume its clogged, and get it back from her, it wasn't, gave it back and again the flame doesn't get pulled into the weed and she almost burns her eyebrows, I lean over next to her to see from her view, and moved her thumb that was on the apple, TURNS OUT SHE HAD HER THUMB ON THE HOLE AND WAS JUST SUCKING ON HER THUMB. Possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen. She really had no idea, was trying so hard to hit it...her thumb. HAHA


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## cokeisgood00 (Jan 5, 2009)

I smoked a little today, and said this.


> Dude I'm not wrong if i'm right.


My buddy said this


> Holy shit dude, my legs are giant!


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## raju05 (Jan 5, 2009)

I come home, relatively calm and collect, which was not easy, due to the massive buzz circulating through my cranium. I scurry to my basement to find my thermos, filled with six hour cold tea. It smelled like peppermint iced tea, so I decided to have a taste test...but it tasted like pedialyte (that children drink to fight diarrhea). 
What the fuck is that, how the fuck do I know it tastes like pedialyte. A 21 Year old man should not know what pedialyte tastes like.


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## ctmjrhoops2 (Jan 8, 2009)

so frat buddies and i are chillen at one of the members house. there are like 5 of us. getting high and drinkin. we decide to make a gravity bong in the kitchen. after we all hit it and of the guys is like we need to finish this bag of weed and the only way to do that is through this gravity bong. Mind you there is about a 1/8th in the bag. Someone makes the mistake of suggesting we barricade ourselves in so I, being high as shit, go into the living room and grab the couch to barricade ourselves in. I proceed to stand the couch on its side and put it in the doorway and close the other doors that lead to the kitchen. After we take a couple turns of the grav bong I start wigging out cuz i've hit "marijuana hell" (you get so high where you start freakin out and cant control it) then the quote comes:

"Stop freaking out and put the couch back where you found it."

we all died laughing for about 5 minutes.


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## sab from rehab (Jan 8, 2009)

a good quote me an my buds have when were smokin if someone is talkin their asses off like someone says ' its not a microphone hit it !' its not funny but it shuts them the hell up


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## RetiredToker76 (Jan 8, 2009)

My famous quotes:

Age 15 (1991): "Dude my eyebrows are getting in the way of my head."
-Second time I ever smoked.

Age 16: (1992) "If you'd get high instead of drinking I could get you to fuk me!"
-To a hot chick who just would not light up.

Age 17: (1993) to myself: "Dude I'm going to get home eventually." 
-I was walking around in the driveway waiting for myself to get home.

Age 18: (1994) "Man I'm never goin' to get this floppy drive installed."
-Point of education don't work on broken computers stoned.

Age 242001) "Dude, I'm high, in the Rocky Mountains, I have a Rocky Mountain High. My mom loves John Denver, she'd be so proud."
-Hadn't smoked since I was 18

Age 27: (2004) "Man that old hippies shit is so good I'm actually enjoying Snoop Dogg. It still sucks he's opening for the Chilies. I think I should tell that hippie that the Greatful Dead won't be playing any time soon." 
-Hadn't smoked Since I was 24

Age 32: (three weeks ago) "I'm too old and responsible to do this shit anymore. I think I'm going to take another hit."
-Hadn't smoked since I was 27

-RT76


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## xXGun4HyreXx (Jan 10, 2009)

A few days ago I was stoned with my friends Matt and Julius. We just came out from a little path after getting baked out of our minds.
So, we're walking down the street, and I turn around and see Julius waving at a window so I'm like, "Dude, Julius, why are you waving at that window!?" and he was like "I swear to God I saw a fucking person in there!" So I'm like, "If there's people in there then why did you wave at complete strangers!?" and he was like "I just wanted to say hi!"
5-10 minutes later we're at the convenience store buying a drink and a couple packs of gum. I had a bottle of Axe in my pocket, so when I was paying for the stuff, the Korean woman was like "What's that in your pocket?" so I'm like, "Oh, a bottle" so she's like, "What kind of bottle?" so Matt cuts in and is like "It's his deodorant! It's his deodorant!" so I'm like "Yeah! It's my deodorant bottle!" so she just looks at me like an idiot and I'm totally confused for a couple of minutes until Matt literally pulls the bottle out of my pocket to show her.
Then we were at McDonald's 10 minutes later, and it took me about 5 minutes just to pay. Counting change is a bloody chore when you're stoned.


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## Hazed N' Confused (Jan 10, 2009)

watching the florida oklahoma game my friend turns to me after smoking a few bowls  n a few more lol with a bag of lays chips in his hands he says ima couch baked potato!!!!!!!


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## smokeysmokey9 (Jan 11, 2009)

retired toker, that kind of made me depressed how fast your life seemed to go by thankfully ive got a longgggg way to go..i hope


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## Yeah (Jan 11, 2009)

"pizza guys!!! Those sons of bitches!!!"


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## chronik4lyfe (Jan 11, 2009)

"Fuck i'm stoned... let'S smoke another joint" 
unbelievable how funny tht was when my friend first mumbled it out in a stoned daze


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## Immortalica (Jan 12, 2009)

"I'm in Terminator mode."


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## VonTimur (Jan 12, 2009)

If people think same way as animals and robots, life would be much better.


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## ToHighToType (Jan 19, 2009)

man... me and a buddy that i would get high with more than anyone else would always park his car by this lake and just chill and watch people and get baked. Man, my buddy would always do this thing: he'd pop his head up, like sitting straight up, and look EVERYWHERE, like 360 degrees. Just out of nowhere. I would be taking a hit off whatever we happened to have, and he'd just pop up and do this. So i eventually just stopped mid hit and looked at him and said, "dude... just quit that. you look like a fucking meer-cat man. why don't you go on animal planet or some shit with that crazy act man."

From then on we've never forgot it. IF ever there's a reasonable situation, he'll just bust out with "you look like a meer-cat"


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## ChiefCheeba (Jan 19, 2009)

I had a girlfriend recently who said, "Everytime I close my eyes it's like I'm dreaming" (because we were super high) lmao


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## ALX420 (Jan 19, 2009)

"sorry Abel's mom, i'm baked."


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## ToHighToType (Jan 19, 2009)

Few more... about a month and a half ago, right before i went to juvy.

Dude... look at that bowl. Oh my god. It's looks like a brownish green Afro.

And then... oh Shit! the buds on fire!!! (which it really wasn't, i just had a mental lapse between taking the flame away and realizing i did so)

And my buddy was like... Fire! shit... put it out... Wait, hold on. Should we really be doing that. I forget the point of all this.
Don't you need fire to smoke it?

this led to us analyzing pretty much every step we could think of into the smoking of weed... which being high happened to be a rather lengthy process


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## pencap (Feb 1, 2009)

stoner_kiddie said:


> These aren't quotes...but we think they're forking funny.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Been using that in my sig for two years!


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## pencap (Feb 1, 2009)




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## mulishadude (Feb 1, 2009)

i seen harold and kumar escape guantunamo bay the other day its a fucking top movie if you havet seen go get it out anyways kumar says isnt it a bit hipocritical that u put ppl in jail for smoking weed and you smoke yourself to george bush then bush simply sez do u like geting handjobs? kumar says yes then bush say so u like giving handjobs and kumar says no bush then says well ur fuckin hipocritisal to arent ya no smoke my weed ha ha ha i beleive it was alabama kush they had from memory


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## Baz (Feb 2, 2009)

Not stoner quotes just stupid questions..

Im a painter and decorator and for the last week ive been painting a staircase yellow, one woman comes up to me after i have just painted on the first coat and asks "is that what colour its going to be, yellow?" im like "well i F'in hope so!" lol what did she think the paint was gonna change colour over night?

Next stupid question, im on the second floor of a 3 story building painting the staircase again and a currier comes up the stairs and asks "how do i get to the top floor?" im like "erm keep going up steps untill theres no more steps!"

Made me laugh anyway


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## DodgeDread (Feb 2, 2009)

My friend said to me when they were younger they thought bridges were there to stop the land from pulling apart!


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## Charfizcool (Feb 2, 2009)

Baz said:


> Next stupid question, im on the second floor of a 3 story building painting the staircase again and a currier comes up the stairs and asks "how do i get to the top floor?" im like "erm keep going up steps untill theres no more steps!"


Thats not stupid at all...if your painting the stairs on the 2nd floor how is anyone gonna walk up them to the 3rd floor?...Unless the building has an elevator but idk.


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## Baz (Feb 2, 2009)

Ok the building has a lift but that is erelevant, im talking about a staircase u know the standard type and im painting on the second floor next to the next set of stairs...

And i was only there with a paint brush, no obstruction at all, this guy was just stupid


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## WhatAmIDoing (Feb 2, 2009)

Baz said:


> Ok the building has a lift but that is erelevant, im talking about a staircase u know the standard type and im painting on the second floor next to the next set of stairs...
> 
> And i was only there with a paint brush, no obstruction at all, this guy was just stupid




lol. I thought it was pretty funny 

That's like when my friends make some comment like, "Dude, how are you outside with no shoes on? There's snow on the ground man!" 

--"Well, it's pretty easy. I picked up one foot, put it down in front of the other one...."

And then, you can see where it's going. Depends on how much of a smartass I want to be, I could go on like that for mad long. lol. (but I usually don't...)


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## Brick Top (Feb 7, 2009)

Many years back I had a friend that was a lot like Yogi Berra. He would say the dumbest sounding stuff but in its own way it still made perfect sense. 
One day, in the early to mid-80&#8217;s, we were watching a show, I believe it was on Chicago&#8217;s PBS station, about some Doctor or Scientist that had been doing research trying to find out what makes gay people gay. 
At one point there was a minute or two of video of gay guys walking together holding hands or kissing or dancing together in clubs and my friend took a big bong hit and then let it out and said; "poor guys, they must have been born with something that wasn&#8217;t there."
It made me laugh my ass off and I still do every time I think about him saying it. It both made no sense and perfect sense all at the same time. It was perfect. I miss that guy, he was always saying things like that.


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## NYC Diesel (Feb 7, 2009)

this one time i was using a light bulb vap with my friend and our candle went out. I yelled out "STUPID SANDLE!" mixing up the sound of the c, and my friend couldnt stop laughing haha


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## cookin (Feb 7, 2009)

gas is bad for the environment, lets burn it all

my mate drops the spliff and screams, i'm like what, he thought his finger had fallen off. More to do with the Ket though lol

My mate wanted to borrow a dvd, i grab it get distracted by something and put it down on my bed, turn around and am like sorry man can't find it.

Pretty much everytime i smoke something stupid gets said just hard to remember.


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## NYC Diesel (Feb 7, 2009)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


lmao happened to me once, everyone brought matches or a lighter, and then 10 minutes later nobody had one.

i went home and wen i emptied my pockets i had 3 lighters and like 4 packs of matches


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## PineAppleXpress (Feb 7, 2009)

*Scientist*: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for seven minutes and thirteen seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel? 
*Private Miller*: Ah well sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter... melting on top of a big-ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.
------------------
*Saul*: Man, why'd we have to go to the woods? 
*Dale Denton*: Well you didn't come up with any ideas! 
*Saul*: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's. 
-----------------
*Police Liaison Officer*: What the hell is that? What the hell is that? 
*Dale Denton*: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have a horrible anorexia. Honest, I thought it was decriminalized. 
*Police Liaison Officer*: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school, and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dic


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## Zeppelin540 (Feb 10, 2009)

This one is from me New Years Eve 2008, I had to stay home and watch my little brother while my parents went out so i got blazed and just went on xbox live.. A few of my famous words were..

"Dude..did I ever tell you how when they say stuff like.. Enemy Intel.. They actually mean Enemy intelligence?? I just blew your mind.." 
"Woah.. my eyes are like as wide as plates."

Then someone had the idea to say i was acting delusional.. and me being completely offended by this could only respond: "Uhh no man.. Youre a delusional.."

Good Times... Gooooood Times haha.


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## Grimsoul (Feb 11, 2009)

" what the fuck is the internet? " - j and bob


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## emericakush714 (Feb 17, 2009)

A good friend once said to the other, "Hey man let go home and shit."

The friend replied stoned as all hell,"I would if I could and I would if I would."

Makes sense if you think about it...haha


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## emericakush714 (Feb 17, 2009)

"Haha this thread is the shit when your stoned!"

(said just one minute ago)


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## cookin (Feb 18, 2009)

to my mate "when are you going home?" 

guess where we were...


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## XMaNeverDYE (Feb 18, 2009)

"Wait, i said dog because i saw a picture in this magazine of a bear, wait, I ment a goat"


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## XMaNeverDYE (Feb 18, 2009)

Thats funny as hell because its to true...


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## mightystoned (Feb 18, 2009)

"you got a joint man?" "No not on me man" "You'd be a lot cooler if you did!"


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## KQ10 (Feb 23, 2009)

ADVERTISEMENT: I will be moving into a new apartment in 1 month. on my bedroom wall i am mounting an 8x3' coarkboard and my friends and i will be thumb tacking all stoned quotes to the board. In the other room we will have polaroid pics on another 8x3'er. anybody want to assist in the fun, send photos and quotes. could be interesting.


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## BigBudBalls (Feb 23, 2009)

ADV:

Going out of business. Everything must go

now hiring.






No shit, I actually saw this.


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## Hedgehunter (Feb 24, 2009)

where can i get a bigmac 5AM ?


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## Baz (Feb 25, 2009)

Hedgehunter said:


> where can i get a bigmac 5AM ?


 Austrailia..


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## 4led2head0 (Feb 26, 2009)

so it was 4/20 like 2 years ago, my friend p passed out on my bed and after sleeping for like 10 minutes he jerked out of his sleep and said "did i fall off my skateboard?" while hes laying on my bed.

confucious say: "he who go to bed with itchy but wake up with stinky finger"

just a month ago my friend was drunk and high, he was talkin about his kid, who after trying to swollow solid foods, like meat and noodles and stuff, throws up all over the place. anyways he said "i cant really feed my kid with out him provectile jomiting all over the place" obvously trying to say projectile vomiting.

"oh man now im gonna have to go back to sucking meth for dick"- still waiting


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## KQ10 (Feb 27, 2009)

im so high, i can feel my facial hair but im not using my hands...see! look my hands are down here, but i can feel my facial hair, and its growin! ... me


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## Baz (Mar 1, 2009)

Wtf to the 2 previous posts lol


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## Can.We.Be.Best.Friends? (Mar 2, 2009)

"Being high is like, well it's like if you take life and well you turn it up from LOW to HIGH..."


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## BigBudBalls (Mar 2, 2009)

I know you have read RIU, 




but have you read it on *weed*, man?


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## iM HiGHer tHAN NASA (Mar 2, 2009)

i said m"y lips are dry as fuk i jus feel like tyrone biggums rite now..."
i wuz walkin across the street, dropped everything in my hands nd jus said "SHAZZAM!" and started harlem shakin


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## mmmsticky (Mar 3, 2009)

mightystoned said:


> "you got a joint man?" "No not on me man" "You'd be a lot cooler if you did!"


haha wooderson is the man


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## hackertc (Mar 4, 2009)

a friend of mine said something like this: Duude the stearing wheel it's getting away! (he was driving)


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## Ramen Shaman (Mar 4, 2009)

I was high as hell with a couple of my friends when we decided to crash another friend's party. Everyone there was wasted, and we wound up walking into a badass lesbian makeout session. 

As we leave, my friend turns to me and says, "Man, did you her chest? I'd have loved to have some teeth on that shit." 
And I just go, "Hells yeah, man! Take a bite out of that crime!" 

My friend dropped his shit and laughed until he cried. 

Same party, we were all sitting down doing random shit. I'm on the back porch, nursing my final beer when my friend comes up behind me. 
"For what have you come here, my friend?" I asked. I was so fucking high.
"Your soul!" He said.
I squint my eyes and put down my beer. "You know not with whom you speak!" I proceed to throw energy balls at him and squawk at him to 'begone!'


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## JSchroe (Mar 5, 2009)

Holland isnt a Country, its a state of mind


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## Knowledge420 (Mar 5, 2009)

What seems to be the officer problem?


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## got2loveit (Mar 5, 2009)

ok a couple of years ago we still were at college back then were at a friends house on a friday night! we were 4 good friends started chilling around 8 in the evening we barbecued had lots of beer and smoke sooooo much weed were almost passing out at like 5 in the morning while in my friends room hes on his bed im on the couch and our other two friends were on their matres beds on the floor its been completely silent for like ten minute when one of my friends on the floor asks with his half dead sleepy voice "is the sun coming out or is the ceiling just white?" we couldnt stop laughing for hours


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## LetMeBe (Mar 7, 2009)

I think it's one of those "had to be there" times but I was baked standing waiting for my cousin in the other room and he wanted me to come or something and I said all calmly "I can't dude, I'm in a sleeping bag."


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## 420DrGreenthumb (Mar 8, 2009)

My mate spent about 5 mins staring real close at this bud, then he turned and said 'I think i can see the atoms on it'


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## nickfury510 (Mar 8, 2009)

"Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica." - Abraham Lincoln (from a letter written by Lincoln during his presidency to the head of the Hohner Harmonica Company in Germany)


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## blazindapurple (Mar 8, 2009)

"some fish are dumb" i said after watching a salmon trying to swimm upstream and get nabbed by a bear after i had smoked a bowl of the dankest bud ever for some reason it was hilarius but now its lost its novelty..


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## JJD (Mar 18, 2009)

Lol just smoked a bowl with my roomate, after its cashed he proceeds to go to the bathroom. About 30 seconds later I he says "Yo, I forgot which eye I just took my contact out of and now I have 2 in my right eye."

Got a good laught from that lol

JJD


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## cookiedough (Mar 19, 2009)

dunno if anyone said this one. The simpsons marijuana episode and Otto looks at his hands and says "they call them fingers, but uhh... ive never seen them fing"


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## ALX420 (Mar 23, 2009)

cookiedough said:


> dunno if anyone said this one. The simpsons marijuana episode and Otto looks at his hands and says "they call them fingers, but uhh... ive never seen them fing"


"oh there they go!"


"sorry Abel's mom, IM BAKED!"


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## FM420 (Mar 30, 2009)

Sis was round the other week and wanted something for her lunch...asked me what I reckoned tuna and cheese would be like, I was stoned as fuck at the time and came up with..

"well its either gona taste like cheesy fish...or fishy cheese" 

she looked at me like thanks for the help but I was too busy laughing lol


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## Mem (Mar 30, 2009)

i was so stoned once and i said "im chillin so much that i could save global warming" or something rofl


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## cincismoker (Mar 31, 2009)

"these snosh berrys taste like snosh berrys"


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## marijaneindeed (Mar 31, 2009)

Best one yet.

"dude, wait what?


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## acexxacer (Mar 31, 2009)

"i could make a bong out of a paper clip and a piece of tissue" me and my friends laughed so hard at that but its not funny now :/


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## marijaneindeed (Mar 31, 2009)

this thread seems like its dying.....=[

"i cant focus unless im high"


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## Boogaloo Bud (Mar 31, 2009)

"Dude, wouldn't it be awesome if we could somehow get to other rooms in the house without actually.......moving?"


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## lozac123 (Mar 31, 2009)

in a really high pitched bronx singing voice while looking at a bottle of water,

"mr water, make me a drink, bam bum bam bam"

ah man, you had to be there.


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## ALX420 (Apr 3, 2009)

nice pants trynanaus.


----------



## NigguhRigguh (Apr 3, 2009)

**completely lit in a wooded area at night with a few pals**

"I'm not scared...but I may have shit a little."
...and the quote from my sig, too.


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## RetiredToker76 (Apr 3, 2009)

Dude so what would it be like to ya know....

Fuck where'd that go, I'm sure I just discovered the answer to the universal question, and I completely forgot it. Damn!

-RT76


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## darkdestruction420 (Apr 4, 2009)

ALX420 said:


> "oh there they go!"
> 
> 
> "sorry Abel's mom, IM BAKED!"


 i love when otto is getting kicked out and he says to homer "remember when i dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringing"? and homer laughs "oh yeah" then gets serious again and is like "get out"


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## Solstice07 (Apr 4, 2009)

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.


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## RetiredToker76 (Apr 5, 2009)

From last night..

"Is your hand hungry? I'm trying to feed it..."

"No I'm trying to protect him from the evil oreos"

Me: "Good job babe that was a power hit!"
Wife: <goofy grin> walks towards me and falls in my arms.
Friend: "Wow were you trying to give it back?"

-RT76


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## Solstice07 (Apr 5, 2009)

There are two rules to success. 1) Don't tell everything you know.


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## juststartin (Apr 6, 2009)

Whilst trying to reverse a 40 foot canal boat out of a yard with other boats EVERYWHERE, I was stoned as fuck and had 9 people shouting at me cos i was doing it all wrong.

"FUCKING SHUT UP YOUR MAKING ME NERVOUS!"


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## Dragonus (Apr 6, 2009)

while walking through a field after blazing, came across a large puddle

"holy shit! it's a river!"

stared at it for about a minute, amazed, then realized everyone else had already passed it and was leaving

you had to be there


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## Ramen Shaman (Apr 6, 2009)

Last weekend:

Friend: "Shit, man, I don't feel good, man. I feel like those cars, man...those cars be creapin'. Like, they be creapin'. 

Me: And what's gonna happen if they see us, man? Jack shit. 

Friend: Naw, man. We're gonna be in trouble (in a sing-song voice).

Me: (stereotypical slave voice) We gonna be in whole HEAPS of trouble!


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## Solstice07 (Apr 6, 2009)

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?


----------



## BigBudBalls (Apr 6, 2009)

Solstice07 said:


> What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?


The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.


----------



## ALX420 (Apr 7, 2009)

how, high are you?


----------



## crippledguy (Apr 7, 2009)

ALX420 said:


> how, high are you?


 
haha


super, im high!


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## BigBudBalls (Apr 7, 2009)

Who is known as 'high'?


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## NigguhRigguh (Apr 7, 2009)

*chillin in a hotboxed car when a song comes on the radio*
This is the only way my friend was able to voice his distaste for the song(wish i could remember the song):
"This song is like big clumps of grass."


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## Solstice07 (Apr 7, 2009)

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.


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## blazindapurple (Apr 7, 2009)

okay i dont have a quote but i got a story. okay so i was smoking out my bro and our blunt was at a roach and i had my third finger just hanging on the cherry for like 10 seconds and i couldnt feel it then my brother looked at me and said "if you dont take your finger off that it will start on fire" the statement isnt funny but you should have seen his face.


----------



## Solstice07 (Apr 7, 2009)

I bought a new computer so I could reboot faster.


----------



## SummerDawnDay (Apr 15, 2009)

-*"Access to Medical Marijuana should be a Right not a Fight!" 
* _ -Scott H. Day R.I.P. 2008_


----------



## RezzinTehSeahorse (Apr 15, 2009)

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"(screams an angry man in traffic)
"Now theres something i'd like to see"( me to my buddy)

"EWWWW, biblical buttsex"


----------



## blazing brute (Apr 20, 2009)

"look dude, thats the door. when you go through it, you're in another room.. do you know what the means man? DO YOU? it means you just changed habitats, like the little bunny rabbit at the stream"

my friend said this while i was recording us takin hits from the bong in his garage


----------



## purpz (Apr 21, 2009)

funny ass episode of homer on weed coming home from work all baked and walk into the next room and says, "What!?!?...
WE HAVE A KITCHEN!!!!" (simpsons did it)


----------



## trapper (Apr 21, 2009)

heres one i made up 30 years ago"whats my name were's my lunch box"i used to be so out of it come mourning.


----------



## johnpie (Apr 21, 2009)

anybody seen the movie gummo? there are a ton of funny quotes in that one.


----------



## Immortalica (Apr 26, 2009)

"Just let a niggah drink his drank niggah!"


----------



## louhan (Apr 29, 2009)

monkey
from evil bong


----------



## Axelbro (Apr 29, 2009)

"Ah dammnit! i locked my keys outside my car again" - peter griffin! xD


----------



## Prot3us1 (Apr 29, 2009)

Lol my mate, my gf and I were at a mall, and We went to a cheap shop and got a chocolate egg for my gf (kinder surprise haha..she loves them). The checkout chick was hot as, and my mate was flirting with her while my gf and i started to walk away. I grabbed the bag of goods, and as i pulled it off the counter the egg fell out onto the floor...I was so baked im like:
"Shit my girls eggs ust fell out of the bag..." I looked right into the eyes of the checkout chick and went 
"QUACK QUACK". 

My mate was so embarrassed lol...I unno why i said that but it came out...I guess i was thinking dirty haha

prot


----------



## thedoorman (May 4, 2009)

I was chillin with one of my friends when he suddenly burst into laughter and says "Yo. I just had a high moment." Mildly intrigued I asked "What happened?" he responds "I dunno, I can't remember!" I couldn't help but laugh forever when I heard that.


----------



## EZgoin (May 5, 2009)

A little while after me and my roommate had just smoked a bowl, he turns to me and says "I think I see better without my glasses when I'm high dude" I look at him and say "Really, that's pretty weird" There's a brief moment of silence as we sit on the couch watching TV and then he says "Oh shit, I forgot to take my contacts out!" I just about lost it, I was laughing so god damn hard.


----------



## Boogaloo Bud (May 5, 2009)

me...."what if the names of things got mixed around over night?" actually a thought I had a few moments ago....


----------



## mygirls (May 5, 2009)

a couple quots of mine. one is in my signature and the other is, TWO TEARS IN A BUCKET MOTHER FUCK IT


----------



## fly (May 5, 2009)

"cant make the scene if you dont have the green" - the mask


----------



## ALX420 (May 5, 2009)

"i wonder if i can flex every muscle in my body."


----------



## Scuba (May 5, 2009)

This isn't really a joke more of a life leason. Today I've found three Mary Jane plants just... growing in my backyard, Nature will always win.


----------



## PoTaHoLiK (May 9, 2009)

heres sum good quotes i came up with while smokin a fatty, 

Lifes a bitch and then u die, so roll a spliff and lets get high

feed the need!!!! where the fu*ks my weed!!!

a buddy came up with this one

Life is like a country road, Never straight, and always stoned


----------



## mygirls (May 9, 2009)

PoTaHoLiK said:


> heres sum good quotes i came up with while smokin a fatty,
> 
> Lifes a bitch and then u die, so roll a spliff and lets get high
> 
> ...


 +reps,nice ones


----------



## Scuba (May 12, 2009)

mygirls said:


> +reps,nice ones


 hella dude.


----------



## ONEeyedWILLY444 (May 14, 2009)

it at first you dont succeed, fuck it off and blaze some weed


----------



## mygirls (May 14, 2009)

Woman born too bitch 24/7


----------



## BakedinBC (May 14, 2009)

half baked "i dont do drugs, just weed"
Pineapple express: "todays my cats birthday"
"how many women have you slept with?" "like two and a half"
"even if he found that roach, how could he find us?" " Um... heat-seeking missiles... bloodhounds... and foxes... barracudas...


----------



## Guerilla grower... (May 15, 2009)

" can you feel the floor sinking " 

"its got a werid after taste liek someone hit you over the head with a shovel "

"isit alright if i warm biscuits in youre microwave ? "

"isnt it werid how telivisons move .. its only made out of metal but it still moves"

"imagen that we was in a documentary on drugs and it was before and after smoking pot fucking hell " 

" shhhh .. i can hear something ... " "what isit ..." " aww its the fire alarm "

"Why the fuck are you rolling a spliff in my living room ? "


----------



## Superiorsuccess (May 16, 2009)

Do you think god is sad because, he put these plants on this earth for a reason and then the fucking goverment doesn't make it legal, and according to the bible you have to follow the law, but if it was legal I would go to heaven... So I think he is sad that I am a sinner ... So god wants me to be his little trooper and help legalize weed. hahahahahah wtf


----------



## mcpskills2000 (May 20, 2009)

I got one.... about 1000 years ago a wise China man once said and I quote "man who go to bed with itchy booty...... wake up with stinky fingas"


----------



## Jimmy Luffnan (May 21, 2009)

_*One of my favorites...
*~ A thought shared is a seed planted in the mind of another~_


----------



## GreatGanjaRepublic (May 31, 2009)

Dude, do you know some states actually let you pick your way of being executed..!

Well if I got to pick, I would want to disco dance to death! Like do the robot till I die! (dancing)--(in a robot voice) "batteries.....low......"

``buddy aaron


----------



## spagettiheady420 (May 31, 2009)

my dad usta tell me //'' by the time you go and come, i already dun came and left!"


----------



## goten (Jun 1, 2009)

one small toke for man, and one small toke for mankind


----------



## lozac123 (Jun 1, 2009)

(of a blackberry plant)
wow, this leaf is real furry. feel it!


----------



## hahahahahaha (Jun 5, 2009)

okay,

me and 3 other friends just sitting there chillin waiting for our 2 bowls to really hit home 

and my one friends stands up 

he goes on for a good 45 minutes about (keep in mind he was just fucking around) being in nam and fighting all the niggers with civil war guns in the marijuana bushes in he accent of uncle grandfather from perfect hair forever

laughing our asses off

he stops, sits down and relaxes

pause


"you guys, i think im high.." in this worried tone

soooo fucking funny laughed forever


----------



## ONEeyedWILLY444 (Jun 6, 2009)

hahahahahaha said:


> being in nam and fighting all the niggers
> 
> 
> wow


----------



## hahahahahaha (Jun 6, 2009)

it was fucking great, wish i taped it lmao


----------



## DragonsFire (Jun 6, 2009)

Ahh stoner quotes...

A favorite around here is to get really really really stoned, and then..

"This must be what stupid people feel like..."

Or if its a really silly high my husband threatens to record our enlightened comments to listen to them when we're sober..just to hear ourselves being stupid...

I say no..I don't want to hear myself when I'm sober..


----------



## majek (Jun 7, 2009)

20 years ago they smoked columbian gold

today we packin skunk in that columbian fold


----------



## hahahahahaha (Jun 7, 2009)

i wish i was kickin in the 80's

i heard the weed was fucking awesome

and cheap


----------



## DeviousDave (Jun 9, 2009)

Meee and my friends a couple months back where smoking down some skunk, tasted like anus... ut man did it pacl a punch... the 4 of us... we was riding down the road.. when we started pakin the 4th bowl my friend is like stop the car!

stop the fucking car!

he gets out and runs off the road... starts screaming "why god, WHY!"

he slowly get back in.. we all lookin at him like what the fuck... he sais "we are out of weed..." then the little one sais... 

"but wait... we have seeds... and within every seed... theres alittle bit of weed!"

so we smoked 20 seeds... fuking stupid... lol...


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jun 11, 2009)

my buddy( a stoner) was working at a pizza place that has three phone lines. One night they basically all rang at once. he grabbed the 1st one-"thank you for calling Pops pizza can you please hold", he then grabbed the 2nd ringing line- "thank you for calling Pops pizza can you please hold" he said again. Same thing on the 3rd line. Now with all 3 lines on hold, he went back to the 1st phone that rang, took it off hold and said "thank you for helping can I hold you?....ahhh...I mean...." LMFAO


----------



## lozac123 (Jun 11, 2009)

haha, thats a great one growing!


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jun 11, 2009)

Still funny to this day. A true classic in the pizza biz.


----------



## chronicj69 (Jun 11, 2009)

TheJollyBrother said:


> Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?


oh fuck ya that happens haha glad to know it happens to others lol its 8:39 am here im rippin the bong


----------



## JSchroe (Jun 16, 2009)

"Holland isnt a country, its a state of mind"


----------



## oldmandroman (Jun 16, 2009)

[i was once so high i mean so high 


my teacher came to my house to tell my mother i was coming to school high and when she walk in the door i said



HIGH u doing

in stead of how you doing i was so busted the old days i miss


----------



## oldmandroman (Jun 16, 2009)

check out my grow please leave coment


----------



## harrkken (Jun 23, 2009)

My grandfather shakes uncontrollably and being a good grandson I made him a special tin of brownies. He ate one and spent the whole time after speaking in yiddish to me. Who the fuck knows yiddish haha


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jun 23, 2009)

The final outcome of any endeavor will be painted by the motives present at its origin.


----------



## CrshrTstDmm (Jun 24, 2009)

I was at a party one time and we rode bicycles home from there. As we were riding home one guy was playing an acoustic guitar while riding a bicycle. 10 minutes after we got home I says to him
"Dude, if jesus knew, how to play the guitar, and if jesus had a guitar, you would be jesus."


----------



## rickymac21 (Jun 26, 2009)

hahaha. this is funny stuff.... well might as well share... we were at a buddies house. just smoked like 4 bowls of some decent bud... anyways.. me n my buddy were watching some comedian and he looks at me and says "dude, i have no idea what he's saying, but its the funniest shit in my life" hahaha. we were laughing so hard we cried and abs were on fire...good times


----------



## mrfloaty (Jun 26, 2009)

easy guys loving some of the quotes i was sitting with some people chillin and one of the lasses said in the middle of the conversation "anyway, i am more intelagent when i am stoned" Fuck me did everyone laugh,

and one i like " i am not tired i am just stoned"...........


----------



## SEF (Jun 27, 2009)

This is one from a few weeks back:

"Dude do you like, dream?"


----------



## 420Wizard (Jun 29, 2009)

So a few weeks back, there we're like five or six of there smoking 4g of some really nice hydro, when the dude who's holding it, Ben, hold the lighter in his mouth by the bottom and just sits there holding the pipe. No-one notices, so eventually I decide to speak up and get the bowl going again. The way he had the lighter in his mouth kinda made me think of a turtle (shh I was high) and then I just messed up the words "take a toke".....

So the final result was everyone sitting around, being baked and having their own conversations ignoring me and ben for the most part, so I, without warning, exclaim loudly the words "Someone tell that turtle man to cook a coke...." to be followed by .........."WHAT!?" "Oh I uh.. I mean take a toke."


Had two people on the floor with laughter


----------



## gugfugr (Jul 2, 2009)

its like gods vagina!!!


----------



## Rivaldmans (Jul 2, 2009)

"Ever tryed farming not him? Its bored as shit."


----------



## SowdenLFC (Jul 3, 2009)

Onuris said:


> My quote was Redbull Aint got shit on my wings


 
lmao i like it


----------



## SowdenLFC (Jul 3, 2009)

Hairy Bob said:


> Drunk/stoned mate: This weed sucks, it tastes like cardboard.
> Me: Dude, you lit the wrong end...


 
LMFAO hahaha i would of laughed for hours after that lol


----------



## tuffles (Jul 3, 2009)

Some welsh people i know were having a smoke round mine when one of them points to a pair of sneakers on the floor and exclaims ' who's shoes dem trainers'


----------



## Stardust (Jul 4, 2009)

Haha I have so many....just gotta remember them 

So I was high and eating some frosting. My sis and Em wanted some, so I let them have some. They each dipped in with their index fingers and ate some. Then they went to do it again and I was like, "Whoa! Not with those fingers, you just like molested them."
And they were like, "Fine!" And flashed another finger at me.
But they actually flipped me off, at the same time without even knowing it haha. Idk, to us it was a totally badass moment. 

"Dudes....I'm Baked Alaska...." Referring to how high I was

My sister, Em, and I were trying to split our last Mike 'N Ike three ways so we could all have a little and Em just blurted out, "That's not a starfish man, you can't split it any way you want." 

Good times


----------



## Stardust (Jul 12, 2009)

Wait I have some more.

So it was my turn to get greens finally, _but_ we didn't have a full bowl pack of greens left, so they gave me these half burnt nugs. So I took the bong and was like, "These are nice greens guys, they're all burnt and _shit_." My sis and Em almost died laughing, but I was being dead serious.

Em: "Dude I thought we were talking about people's ribcages!"

And then, after not talking for a while, "For the last two minutes....I had nothing to say!" Me and my sis just started laughing at Em. Everything's just so much more funny when you're stoned


----------



## SJV (Jul 14, 2009)

I was pretty much high as a kite the once, and i was sitting in a field near mine. Now i was lying on my back just chilling, watching the clouds go by, appreciating the high. Some clouds then proceeded to roll by that had flat bottoms (anyone seen these? Pretty cool) and I'd never seen them before so i stood up and announced "The Clouds Are Flat, The End Of The World Is Nigh!" 
I guess you had to be there


----------



## vlokdog (Jul 22, 2009)

Hey guys, Just looked at top 10 marijuana quotes on bakedlife.

There some real goodies!

Peace

*10.* "Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could."- *William F. Buckley Jr.*



*9.* "Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton." - *Jay Leno*



*8.* "I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast" - Ronald Reagan

*7.* "The drug is really quite a remarkably safe one for humans, although it is really quite a dangerous one for mice and they should not use it." - J.W.D Henderson Director of the Bureau of Human Drugs, Health and Welfare, Canada 

*6.* "Casual drug users should be taken out and shot" Darryl Gates Head of Los Angeles Police Department United States Senate Judiciary Committee 


*5.* "When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again." &#8211;Bill Clinton

*4.* "When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point." - Barack Obama 

*3.* "Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" - George W. Bush


*2.* "I think pot should be legal. I don&#8217;t smoke it, but I like the smell of it." Andy Warhol

*1.* "I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk." Steve Martin


----------



## vlokdog (Jul 22, 2009)

Steve Martin's is my favourite


----------



## TheWheelman (Jul 22, 2009)

We went to a dealers house before. Being sketched out as we were, The kid in my car tried comforting us by saying "He's my boy its straight. We're partners and the smartest there is in dealing around here." So he proceeded to go inside and we waited for about 15 mins, we were already really high, and he came out Stoned as a mother fucker. Turned out he smoked a bunch of Kripy out of a vape. As we started to drive away he started getting antsy and started hyperventilating and shit so we got freaked out and asked what was wrong, his reply : " I FORGOT THE OZ, TURN AROUND!!! QUICK!!!!" We got back to the house and he ran inside and the 3 of us that were still in the car Laughed so hard we coulda sworn we died!! Lmao


----------



## Mortloch (Jul 22, 2009)

hahahaha nice


----------



## Radiate (Jul 22, 2009)

The first half of being smart is understanding how stupid you are.


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jul 22, 2009)

Radiate said:


> The first half of being smart is understanding how stupid you are.


 Whats the second half?  LOL


----------



## happysnowman123 (Jul 22, 2009)

not really an herb quote, but one of my faves- "Sex is like air, it's really not that big of a deal unless you're not getting any!"

saw that on a shirt in the mall five years ago, been laughing since


----------



## purple blues (Jul 22, 2009)

"that's cashed man."
"puff tuff."


----------



## TheWheelman (Jul 23, 2009)

Dudeeee, This bowls' so deep. It Goes on FOREVERRRRRrrrrrr


----------



## kho20 (Jul 23, 2009)

lol so we were all gettin blazed one day and we always got some lil debbie snack cakes so we'd get all high and shit and be sittin there and me thinkin i was bein all sneaky kinda roamed off into the kitchen and found em hiding in the kitchen eatin the hell outta some zebra cakes i heard them comin so i hid the snack cakes ya kno all for me lol hehe then my buddies lookin thru the cabnits says where ther fuck are my lil debbies" me trying to keep a straight face and a mouthful of em said "dude i umm dont kno lol" he instantly turns and is like " you snake dick chicken fucker" (he says this all the time were from tx its okay) me jus laughin , he then says im gonna slice u up like scooby doo" now im dieing laughing and im like, "dude wtf your gonna commit murder over snack cakes holy fuck lol" "shit you can have one lol" i hand him the box and he looks at it and says " bastard ass" lol there werent any left haso i say "haha ya fuck" and we all crack up and go smoke another blizzy


----------



## kho20 (Jul 23, 2009)

i dont even kno why i typed all that all i wanted to say was "DUDE, YOUR A FUCK" lol


----------



## cbtwohundread (Jul 23, 2009)

"if you ride like lightning you will crash like thunder"///////"who feels it knows it"////////"unity said the unicorn,collie is a must said the hipopotamus"////"if you spit in the sky itll fall in ya eye"////"forward for dread backward for baldhead"


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jul 23, 2009)

Referring to disrespectful foul language he said "we're from Texas so its OK" 

That had me rolling! LMFAO


----------



## kho20 (Jul 23, 2009)

lol yeah jus repeating what was said lol srry bout that


----------



## gotdawork (Jul 26, 2009)

" if your Darker then me your my enemy" I was on xbox live and some black dude was hating whites,My eyes were as red as the devils dick.


----------



## Herbal Healing 420 (Jul 27, 2009)

Herb is the healing of the nation-Bob Marley


----------



## kho20 (Jul 27, 2009)

"WHATEVER WHATEVER I DO WHAT I WANT": CARTMAN lol


----------



## Rivaldmans (Jul 27, 2009)

"ill have 2 mcdoubles and another mcdouble please?"


----------



## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Jul 27, 2009)

At the drive thru...."excuse me, but what comes on your ham, egg, and cheese biscuit?"


----------



## samus1 (Jul 30, 2009)

After smoking with a freind he says: "Man.. I wanna get hit by a car, u no, just to see what its like."


----------



## k-town (Jul 30, 2009)

" That's what I like about them high school girls, I get older they stay the same age. " -Dazed and confused-

Peace
K-town


----------



## streff420 (Jul 30, 2009)

_secret said:


> haha, another master wok one..
> 
> Walkin thru the mall foodcourt completely baked, we happen to walk by this lady handing out samples for master wok, so i grabbed one, and she goes to hand one to my friend and hes like "sorry i dont eat dog"
> 
> bahahaha i spit my food everywhere i dont think i've ever laughed that hard in my life




lmao i can imagine sum1 sayin that and the chinese lady is pist


----------



## 001 (Jul 30, 2009)

"yeah mabey later"


----------



## Mammoth22 (Jul 30, 2009)

me and a few friends were so high once, at the mcdonalds drivethru one of them asked for two doublecheeseburgers with cheese. it may have been a you had to of been there moment, but we were all laughin our asses off.


----------



## megs (Aug 3, 2009)

Does anybody really understand how well cocain and waffles go together!?!?!?!?!

My friend ripped off his rocker


----------



## Scuba (Aug 3, 2009)

megs said:


> Does anybody really understand how well cocain and waffles go together!?!?!?!?!
> 
> My friend ripped off his rocker


 LMAO omg that is great. mixed up the white powders at breakfest.


----------



## Johnny Retro (Aug 3, 2009)

Me and my buddys are talking about a movie and someone gave away the ending. (btw were all baked of course)
So i was like, common man..now i dont wanna see the movie, you ruined it
And my other buddy, "wait stop thinking about it...youll probly forget"


----------



## k-town (Aug 3, 2009)

Johnny Retro said:


> Me and my buddys are talking about a movie and someone gave away the ending. (btw were all baked of course)
> So i was like, common man..now i dont wanna see the movie, you ruined it
> And my other buddy, "wait stop thinking about it...youll probly forget"


 
"Wait stop thinking about it...your probably forget" 

LOL! Thats good stuff.

Peace
K-town


----------



## kho20 (Aug 3, 2009)

me and a couple buddies jus chillin one day and my friend josh ends it like this
"man i'm cooked, dude im blazed, i'm i'm ...... fuck i forgot"

same kid 

" hey dude lets go um um um ....." i say "smoke" he says " smoke"

i think hes a victim of the good ole short term memory loss or i like to call it brain shits


----------



## sollidamra (Aug 3, 2009)

Johnny Retro said:


> Me and my buddys are talking about a movie and someone gave away the ending. (btw were all baked of course)
> So i was like, common man..now i dont wanna see the movie, you ruined it
> And my other buddy, "wait stop thinking about it...youll probly forget"


LMAO - AWESOME MAN..
I was with a group of friends at uni well baked and lost the draw for the late night trip to the 24hr garage. My friend Dan decided to come with me. When he was at the counter buying cigs i was checkin out the cake and biscuits for my cravings when i spotted something that looked like a swiss roll but written on the front in big letters was "DAN CAKE".
Not particularly funny now but at the time it took 5 mins of me rolling on the floor in fits of laughter before the guy behind the counter threw me out.


----------



## The sim's Bob Newbie (Aug 4, 2009)

God, HALF MOON DAN CAKES are brill if you got the munchies!


----------



## sollidamra (Aug 6, 2009)

The sim's Bob Newbie said:


> God, HALF MOON DAN CAKES are brill if you got the munchies!


No way man, your the first person who's ever heard of them.
i thought the cake was called a dan cake but its the maker, just found their websit dancake.com, salivate at your leisure.
Where bouts in uk u from???


----------



## palehawaiian (Aug 7, 2009)




----------



## felloffscooterstoned (Aug 9, 2009)

i remember a time we were smoking cracking weed i looked out of the window and tured to my buddy daz and said it was windy outside he said no it's thursday then my other mate said so am i letts go to the pub i could'nt stop laughing for ages has anyone ever miss heard things when stoned another time we were at a friends house completly mangled mate was laying on bed when my other friend asked him if he wanted a pillow he tured round and said yes i want a polo


----------



## BigBudBalls (Aug 9, 2009)

Not a quote, but on on boy scout camping trip we all were walking on a set of railroad tracks blazing away. We heard a train coming, we all panicked and ran in all directions. All we _had_ to do was take 2 steps to the side.

(yeah, we had a ultra cool troupe and troupe leader)


----------



## jfgordon1 (Aug 9, 2009)

BigBudBalls said:


> Not a quote, but on on boy scout camping trip we all were walking on a set of railroad tracks blazing away. We heard a train coming, we all panicked and ran in all directions. All we _had_ to do was take 2 steps to the side.
> 
> (yeah, we had a ultra cool troupe and troupe leader)


haha it's amazing how toking makes you over think things sometimes


----------



## kho20 (Aug 9, 2009)

BigBudBalls said:


> Not a quote, but on on boy scout camping trip we all were walking on a set of railroad tracks blazing away. We heard a train coming, we all panicked and ran in all directions. All we _had_ to do was take 2 steps to the side.
> 
> (yeah, we had a ultra cool troupe and troupe leader)


hahahaha this reminds me of one time we smoked while we were takin shrooms (gotta do it before they set in or youll be freaked out haha) but we were walkin around downtown and a damn cab came behind us ( we were walkin in the middle of the road) and he started honking and flashing his lights lol we all ran like full speed off and my buddy yellin holy shit a dinosaur lmao ity took like forever to find his ass lol


----------



## gypsyum (Aug 9, 2009)

So a bunch of us were sitting around smoking and one of my buddies say "Try to blow the smoke out of your ears. I Know it's impossible but it gets you hella high."
Of course we all tried haha


----------



## ihatebud (Aug 13, 2009)

One time my cousin and I were smoking, and I was telling him how I blaze at work all the time and this was said :

Cousin: "Dude you're such a pot head. You're probably lazy as hell at work"

Me: "Bitch, I will build an ark high as fuuuuuck. I will make Noah's Ark look like the Forrest Gump shrimping boat"

we were laughing hysterically for 15 minutes lol 

and no, neither of us are religious lol just random THC induced convo


----------



## Smoked2joints (Aug 13, 2009)

"Dam wouldnt it be funny shiit if the bong tiped over???? BOOM!! FUUCKKKKKKK it DID!"


----------



## i grow everglades bud (Aug 22, 2009)

ok guys i never really had one untill now and i found it tonight and it is now my sig. 
i couldnt believe the dude really did this!!
but its funny lmao well to me is is!


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## Scuba (Aug 22, 2009)

i grow everglades bud said:


> ok guys i never really had one untill now and i found it tonight and it is now my sig.
> i couldnt believe the dude really did this!!
> but its funny lmao well to me is is!


 OMFG that is retarded dumb. hahahahahahhahahahaha like all condom are latex. WTF does he use, a milkyway wrapper?


----------



## fireduck (Aug 24, 2009)

fuck that "i cant find my keys" weed, this is "i cant find my couch" weed. 
lol


----------



## PadawanBater (Aug 24, 2009)

kho20 said:


> hahahaha this reminds me of one time we smoked while we were takin shrooms (gotta do it before they set in or youll be freaked out haha) but we were walkin around downtown and a damn cab came behind us ( we were walkin in the middle of the road) and he started honking and flashing his lights lol we all ran like full speed off and my buddy yellin *holy shit a dinosaur* lmao ity took like forever to find his ass lol


 
Goddamn I couldn't stop laughing at that shit! Good stuff man!


----------



## Dan Halen (Aug 25, 2009)

My personal all time best comes from my first time smoking weed. My friend got some cheap weed. Well we start smoking it and it and I wasn't getting as high as I thought I should. So I said, how did he know this wasn't bunk. H e said he had been getting his weed from this guy for for as long as he'd be smoking, about 3 weeks. I then asked how would he know if he was smoking bunk. He said he just would. 

I then go on to say if he had never smoked the real thing he'd never know what it was like. Kinda like a placebo. Or like in The Matrix where the one guy talks about chicken and what it tastes like. 

The epic stoned quote "Dude, what does chicken taste like?"

And another is the high test my friends and I came up with. Get your friend's attention and say "ham and cheese sandwich" slower than normal. If you both don't bust up laughing, you aren't high.


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## BigBudBalls (Aug 25, 2009)

Rigamortis is a dinosaur. (the rigamortis, the stiffest of all dinos)

Thats trigonometry, not *math*.


----------



## Bluntman and Chronic Boy (Aug 25, 2009)

Heres a great stoner story 

I have a Bukket a (Waterless Gravity Bong) me and my friend karl were taking hits, 1hit=1 bowl when i wasnt looking he packed the bowl full of cigar tobacco, i took the full Gravity Bong hit of cigar tobacco started coughing my brains out while karl is siting there laughing at me, then i say* "DAMM MUST OF BEEN A LOT STEAMS IN THAT BITCH"* not knowing that it was cigar tobacco 

The Bukket


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## exidis (Aug 26, 2009)

Karma's a bitch.


----------



## KameronG (Aug 26, 2009)

Mines. I'm Kameron. Kyle's my sober friend.

Kyle: dude what are you doing
Kameron: I'm trying to imagine what that tree would look like if it had a soul.


Kameron: these birds need to stop talking shit. only because i cant fucking understand bird


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## kho20 (Aug 27, 2009)

haha trees do have souls jus we dont speak tree,


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## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Aug 27, 2009)

I speak tree. Not fluently but....enough to get through the woods. lol


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## iNVESTIGATE (Aug 27, 2009)

This one is from one my favorite TV shows.. 'Trailer Park Boys'

..it's a variation of the 'hit two birds w/ one stone' saying..

"Getting two birds stoned at once"

lol.. its much better when heard from the actual show 


PeachOut.


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## leetsoup (Aug 27, 2009)

"Aw that's tight!! I don't like it!"

"It's right where it is"


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## BigBudBalls (Aug 27, 2009)

Ahhh the 'Ricky-isms' gotta love 'em



iNVESTIGATE said:


> This one is from one my favorite TV shows.. 'Trailer Park Boys'
> 
> ..it's a variation of the 'hit two birds w/ one stone' saying..
> 
> ...


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## blakkmask (Aug 28, 2009)

"My Grandma Drank All My Pot"


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## Human Canvas (Aug 31, 2009)

i'm the one that always has them all. seriously, its just habit to put a lighter in my pocket


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## Euph0ria (Aug 31, 2009)

He who makes a beast of himself takes away the pain of being a man


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## MisterMicro (Aug 31, 2009)

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Saying weed is illegal is like saying god made a mistake.


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## kho20 (Aug 31, 2009)

RE-LEGALIZE IT - robin banks


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## 1sofakingg (Sep 3, 2009)

In this world of toil & sin, Your head grows bald, but not your chin


----------



## WannahGangja (Sep 4, 2009)

At work the caller ID on the phone will read the caller's name outloud. After I wake n bake I get to work this morning to find a few people waiting on me to open already. Halfway into my first transaction the phone reads out loud "Gay Peggy calling". I just could not stop laughing for anything. Had to go to the back of the shop to gain my composure. lol


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## k-town (Sep 4, 2009)

WannahGangja said:


> At work the caller ID on the phone will read the caller's name outloud. After I wake n bake I get to work this morning to find a few people waiting on me to open already. Halfway into my first transaction the phone reads out loud "Gay Peggy calling". I just could not stop laughing for anything. Had to go to the back of the shop to gain my composure. lol


LOL! That is pretty funny.


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## Trypt (Sep 5, 2009)

Sanity is a madness put to use;
Waking Life is a dream controlled


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## wake n' bake (Oct 8, 2009)

sex, drugs, rock n'roll,
speed, weed, birth control.
lifes a bitch and then u die,
so fuck it all, lets get high

pece, pot, tequilla shot,
fuck the one you think is hot,
stoners live and stoners die,
but in the end we all get high,
so if at first you dont succeed,
fuck this world lets smoke some weed


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## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Oct 8, 2009)

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Thomas Jefferson


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## Permabuzz (Oct 9, 2009)

Jordy Villain said:


> my homeboy and I were playing badminton in my backyard and we lost a birdie in the tree... it resulted in a 30 minute( no exaggeration) conversation about what if there was a warp to another dimension in my tree and what we'd do if one of us went up after it and disappeared.
> 
> damn that blunt was fatttt.


 

HaHaha! lol haha


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## Certain Shade o' Green (Oct 9, 2009)

purple blues said:


> "that's cashed man."
> "puff tuff."


hahahahahaha that is hilarious


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## Permabuzz (Oct 11, 2009)

I just spent three mins lookin for my right headphone... I found it.. In my ear lol


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## Permabuzz (Oct 11, 2009)

Budsworth said:


> Whats the most said word a stoner ever says??????Here.....


 
no im pretty sure its, "what?"


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## KushBear (Oct 16, 2009)

"Dude, is peach a country?" Lmao.


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## ol hippy (Nov 14, 2009)

What do you call a rastafarian proctologist.?....pokemon!


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## greenlanter (Nov 18, 2009)

ol hippy said:


> What do you call a rastafarian proctologist.?....pokemon!


 i forgot to post the pics.


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## SEF (Nov 20, 2009)

Permabuzz said:


> no im pretty sure its, "what?"


Or dude. I know I say dude a lot.


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## Philouza (Nov 20, 2009)

close only counts in horseshoes and mayonnaise.


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## Straight up G (Nov 20, 2009)

tekken said:


> _hahahah that is funny shit , its so fkn true though ,it would be so hard to create._


Tekken eh, I bet I'd kick your ass.


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## palehawaiian (Nov 21, 2009)

"its seems to me that you have stumbled upon someone that just dont give a fuck ....your dismissed"


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## super2200 (Nov 21, 2009)

Wikidbchofthewst said:


> "Time is going really slow...and I think we're dead. Yeah, we're dead."


Lol that dumbass cop this is the funniest quote. haha thanks for the reminder


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## vallytoker (Nov 26, 2009)

put that in you pipe and smoke it.......mmmmmmm smokes so good


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## IregAt420 (Dec 8, 2009)

Me and My best friend at my place after 2 bowls...yeah we were pretty new to it.
Best bud: sandwhich sounds sooo good
Me: i know man, i know
(after moving to kitchen and starting the process)
Best bud: Fuck, where my miyo? (he meant mayo) miyo=My-Oh
I couldnt stop laughing. kinda stupid


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## GNOME GROWN (Dec 8, 2009)

yo u cant make a sandwich with no miiiiyyyooooo!!!


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## itsgrowinglikeaweed (Dec 10, 2009)

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought. But World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Einstein


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## palehawaiian (Dec 10, 2009)

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.


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## redchief (Dec 10, 2009)

"what if something happened that you just could not handle. How would you handle a situation like that"

-First time I ever smoked


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## IregAt420 (Dec 10, 2009)

redchief said:


> "what if something happened that you just could not handle. How would you handle a situation like that"
> 
> -First time I ever smoked


 
So simple, yet complex. I'd hate to try and wrap my head around that when im high


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## greenlanter (Dec 10, 2009)

some times i think about the things a would do if i wasnt getting high...


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## redchief (Dec 16, 2009)

IregAt420 said:


> So simple, yet complex. I'd hate to try and wrap my head around that when im high


I know man - just imagine how I felt


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## hempcurescancer (Dec 19, 2009)

"I got a question for you. Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot, he himself couldn't eat it?"- Homer motherfucking Simpson. Good shit.


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## aetneerg (Dec 20, 2009)

my own... the first or second time I got seriously blazed, sat with a couple friends in a car for awhile in my driveway just listening to music, then we get out to go raid my fridge, and there's these offset crazy stone steps down to my apartment, and I got all concerned for them and just kept saying "no! nononononono... these stairs will EAT you!" but we were laughing like crazy.


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## tusseltussel (Dec 20, 2009)

dead sleep on the couch pop up say ,"all in due time you will get the nugget" fall back asleep.


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## dankenstine (Dec 21, 2009)

someone tap him out the window, he's cashed


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## Ghosteh (Dec 22, 2009)

I'm sorry officer.. Honestly, I'd swear I'd let you hit it.. but there's none left.  

*Actually didn't go to jail! (idk how though, that window was renamed 'the chimney'.)


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## tusseltussel (Dec 22, 2009)

pulled over for doin 120mph, cop says "I been waitn for you all day"... i got here as fast as i could officer


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## Otacon (Dec 22, 2009)

"We should, like, totally make a instrument that plays, like, electronic sounds. And we should call it a psychedelitron."
"Dude, there already is one, and it's called a synthesizer."
"Oh yeah."
*the sound of 4 totally stoned guys laughing their asses off goes here*


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## keller420 (Dec 22, 2009)

will this make my soilder stand at attention?
no, this will make you forget that he isnt standing at attention


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## hempcurescancer (Dec 23, 2009)

"You start thinking about how fun it was to play games like Battleship when you were a kid, and how as we get older we forget how to just have fun so you say guess what, I'm gonna make a game and it involves a porcupine and a baseball bat and i'm gonna try to kill a porcupine with a baseball bat but you dont know where to find one so you do a websearch but people dont sell porcupines on the internet, so you say ya know what world, you've got me cornered again. I'm gonna roll another joint."

.......It goes something like that


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## Bubbleponic Chronic (Jan 2, 2010)

I take my bongos wherever my bong goes.


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## mcpurple (Jan 2, 2010)

why drink and drive when u can smoke and fly


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## justperk (Jan 2, 2010)

"i dont know where i am but thats exactly where i want to be." - this guy -->http://theinternettaughtmealliknow.blogspot.com/?zx=7d19e007e49edd27

my friend from school..pretty interesting guy


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## oldmancronic (Jan 2, 2010)

"see i figure i study high, take the tests high, get high scores"
-how high


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## Mercer (Jan 4, 2010)

would a booger be a fruit or a vegitable? thats the real question


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## Pipe Dream (Jan 7, 2010)

popeyes chicken is the shiznit 

(so is this thread)


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## bobmarleyghost (Jan 18, 2010)

smoking cigarettes is about looking cool. Smoking weed is about feeling cool


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## MeMes (Jan 24, 2010)

"GREENS!!!!!" "DEUCE!!!" OR "CHEECH" "CHONG"!! "awww **** you i always get a cashbowl"


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## frizzi12345 (Jan 28, 2010)

Erniedytn said:


> The pictures:
> Funny t-shirts, Funny shirts, Crazy t-shirts, Crazy shirts, Cool t-shirts, Cool shirts
> 
> 
> The quote is from the "Poppler" episode of Futurama where Lrrrr eats the hippie at the end.



I love futurama, and i love bud. youre the man dude.


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## just blazee (May 18, 2010)

Whenever i stretch my arms out my ears pop so this one time i was smoking with some mates and i yawned and stretched and i was like 'holy crap i went deaf for a second there...but now i can hear EVERYTHING...i can hear my cat think.' I swear to god i could hear my cat talking hahah shit i was sooo blazed.


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## Ramen Shaman (May 18, 2010)

"Man, why the fuck do all the stoner commercials come on when we're baked? Like, that dude's high, and this chick's blazed, and here's a fucking commercial for Taco Bell. Goddamnit, let's get in the car. We've got a dozen tacos to pay for in spare change.."


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## Vermilion (May 19, 2010)

damn...you got down syndrome so bad you prolly got up, left, and right syndrome too


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## budforever442200 (May 19, 2010)

Chuck Norris fucked your mom, and you dad hi 5d him.

Chuck Norris Fucks every girl once a month.


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## canniboss (May 20, 2010)

It's funny watching deaf people notice the smell a fart when everyone else heard it.
---long story


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## dtRepeat (May 21, 2010)

a while back I got quoted saying "...dude, I know they say that there is no way you could ever over-dose on Cannabis, but Fuuucckkk." 
lol. not hilarious I know, but it was great during the time.


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## dtRepeat (May 21, 2010)

more great quotes from a great movie:

"...my grandma drank all my pot..."
"dude, you can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion."


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## GNOME GROWN (May 21, 2010)

damn im stoned!


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## D.tea (May 22, 2010)

Great thread, tonnes of great quotes!

My Contribution!
Her-"You've never lasted this long before"
Me-"I've never been this high before"

True story


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## dtRepeat (May 22, 2010)

D.tea said:


> Great thread, tonnes of great quotes!
> 
> My Contribution!
> Her-"You've never lasted this long before"
> ...


lol, nice one!


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## D.tea (May 22, 2010)

Thanks man, I laughed...she..well you know girls, plus she was busy


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## GNOME GROWN (May 24, 2010)

hahahahahaha good shit man!


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## thatguy830 (May 24, 2010)

a quote i said to my buddy when we were tokin in the woods "DUDE ITS SASQUATCH!! nah thats just a hairy fat guy....oh...why is there a hairy fat guy in the woods??"


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## PDN247 (May 25, 2010)

me n my friend were approached by the marines or sommin and "the recruiters opening line was would you be interested in joining the marines?" my friend instantly replied "can i still smoke weed"
you may have had to be there but isnt that the case with most stoner stories?


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## WeeGogs (May 25, 2010)

Why Drink and Drive When You Can Smoke Dope and Fly.

but then on a more even note check out this stuffView attachment 955850


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## WeeGogs (May 26, 2010)

WeeGogs said:


> Why Drink and Drive When You Can Smoke Dope and Fly.
> 
> but then on a more even note check out this stuffView attachment 955850


and it looks alright but it smells like shite.


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## ALIENSHADZ (May 30, 2010)

*New Hiphop instrumental *- Nice to bubble 2 when high !
*Subscribe*
All love ! 





*
ALIENSHADZ*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CADECAHWY_k






YOUTUBE - ALIENSHADZ

the link might not work
but please go on youtube and type m in


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## dtp5150 (Jun 1, 2010)

i quit facebook today and have some reasons:

i quit facebook because I really don't care what other people are doing. I just want to endlessly tell other people what I'm doing.

i quit facebook because if I knew your political views, we might not be friends

i quit facebook because my friend requests were ghetto fools, ppl wishing they knew me, spammers, or fat chicks

unrelated: next time I want career and relationship advice from an unemployed, middle aged, serial dater lesbian with a foreclosure, I'll ask thank you


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## akgrown (Jun 1, 2010)

I dig music......I'M ON DRUGS!!!!!!!!


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## CyberSecks (Jun 1, 2010)

prolly been said but,

you got a joint on you?

naw man.

itd be alot cooler if you did.

dazed and confused


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## thizz13 (Jun 1, 2010)

hungry happy sleep that's it.


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## The Potologist (Jun 4, 2010)

I got so high today I was told, by my wife, that I made "down syndrome look like a hobby"......women .....they just dont understand the reasoning behind a mans madness...lol


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## The Potologist (Jun 4, 2010)

Word! Fuck facebook! Stop being lazy and write a book if you want the world to know your business....Its bad enough the Government knows to much, why in the fuck would I want to tell the world about myself....unless for some reason I am not okay with who I am, maybe I could pretend to be somebody else until I feel better about myself, but for the mean time I just missed my bus and now I get to get beatup by the bullies as I walk to school.....Looks like they will have new posting for Facebook!

Facebook......A morally bankrupt degenerate that proves just how increadible bored and lazy our world has come....thats why CANNABIS is my facebook 

PS....I LOVE FARMVILLE ....wtf....seriously, dont we have anything better to do than to "Pretend" we fucking farming.....my god what have we become is so sad


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## purpz (Jun 4, 2010)

HAHA farmvile! my phucking family always try to out-DO one another on that game & i'm like why don't you do some real gardening ,then they give me the snake eye... funny shit


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## mastergrowth (Jun 6, 2010)

ctmjrhoops2 said:


> so frat buddies and i are chillen at one of the members house. there are like 5 of us. getting high and drinkin. we decide to make a gravity bong in the kitchen. after we all hit it and of the guys is like we need to finish this bag of weed and the only way to do that is through this gravity bong. Mind you there is about a 1/8th in the bag. Someone makes the mistake of suggesting we barricade ourselves in so I, being high as shit, go into the living room and grab the couch to barricade ourselves in. I proceed to stand the couch on its side and put it in the doorway and close the other doors that lead to the kitchen. After we take a couple turns of the grav bong I start wigging out cuz i've hit "marijuana hell" (you get so high where you start freakin out and cant control it) then the quote comes:
> 
> "Stop freaking out and put the couch back where you found it."
> 
> we all died laughing for about 5 minutes.


This LOL'd me


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## lozac123 (Jun 7, 2010)

'i went home the other day and started stroking my sister's bag.
i thought it was my cat!'


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## diizzy matt (Jun 16, 2010)

one day me and my friends were hitting a bowl then one had to leave but he took the lighter with him and repeatedly said he didnt but as he was driving away screamed thanks for the green BIC. that was the only lighter...


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## Bag Lady (Jun 16, 2010)

From Timothy Leary, the man you who really liked LSD-a lot, 'If I had known I'd live this long I'd taken better care of my body.'


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## FULLTIMESTONER2 (Jul 11, 2010)

*i forgotten what i was gonna say now....*


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## MrNotorious (Jul 24, 2010)

*While being arrested*
Officer: Do you have anything in your pockets that can cut or hurt me?

Me: Ugh...... nope!

Officer: What do you call these? (found 2 small box cutters in pocket)

Me: Oh those are just blunt splitters.

*
After arrest, in court*.
Lawyer: How do you know he had urine in the bladder of the Whizzinator?

Probation Officer on stand: Well it was yellow.

Lawyer: Did you Smell it?

Probation Officer on stand: No

Lawyer: Stick your finger in a twirl it around?

Probation Officer on stand: No..

Lawyer: Well sir, I certainly hope you didn't taste it.

Probation Officer on Stand:............


I won that case *lmao!*


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## DropsOfJupiter (Jul 25, 2010)

Im watching the boondocks, Grandad just smoked a joint starts looking around then say " Damn, its beautiful." lol


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## StonedBlownSkiller (Jul 25, 2010)

"Am I driving ok?.... Ithink were parked man...."


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## DropsOfJupiter (Jul 25, 2010)

I'm so high you couldn't reach me with a fuckin antenna. -smokeymcpotz


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## DropsOfJupiter (Jul 25, 2010)

jfgordon1 said:


> haha it's amazing how toking makes you over think things sometimes


Speaking of overthinking I hAve a pretty long story from one of my first times smoking
me and two friends were blazin from a water bottle pipe behind a building across the street from our local mall. After about seven or eight bowls ( schwag) I blacked out when I woke I was walking across th highway back to the mall, one of my friends somehow made it to the mall by the time I was at theroqd about to cross my other friend was behind me saying she was looking for a piece of her lung that she coughed up, I got into the mall parking lot and noticed a white suv with flaming oil dripping under the engine area ne t thing I know the whole front of the car is blazin and my friend behind me starts saying that it is going to blow up and we will die so ifreak out and take off jogging to down the highway all the way to an h e b about 3 miles down the road( the whole time contemplating how I was going to tell my parents I was blazin and had been for a while but never did thank godlol)then used an old ladies phone to call my parents to pick me up. Still don't kno why lmfqo


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## ShadowReaper (Jul 29, 2010)

I was smoking a blunt with me ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time) when she said that she never smoked weed. I looked at her a little weird and asked her what she meant. She said that while I was gone for the month and a half, she promised that she wouldn't smoke weed. She just looked at me and told me to put the blunt, lit end, in my mouth and blow. So I did. After she slapped her leg and coughed for a bit she said "I never touched the stuff." Shortly after we used a McDonalds straw on the end of the blunt. It was an amazing night.


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## SgtAwesomePants (Jul 30, 2010)

One time after hot boxing my cousin's camper we came out for some fresh air and one of my friends started playing with a pogo stick and i was like "Dude what if we saw a midget riding a pogo stick?. He'd hop up to eye level each hop" and then we started talking about midgets


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## Space Captain (Jul 31, 2010)

Whoa, I thought I had feet in my shoes. But I did!


----------



## DropsOfJupiter (Aug 5, 2010)

"Dude, gimme that candle."
"Thats not a candle its a match."


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## DropsOfJupiter (Aug 5, 2010)

shit this threads dyin out, we gotta strike it up again.


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## xcyraxx (Aug 5, 2010)

M group of friends are chalk full of stupid shit...

1. holy shit a second
2. Flavor flav said "its flavor flav in the place to be, i went to saint john university. Phych, cuz i never went to college." we cracked up


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## oAUSTiNo (Aug 9, 2010)

A LOT of shits gonna go down when pigs can fly... lol


----------



## xcyraxx (Aug 10, 2010)

lol thats brilliant


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## Tzortzis (Aug 10, 2010)

that's a quote i thought of my own situation where i live, i don't know if anyone said it before if so let me know so i can check him/her out: I've been under the perfect sun and yet it's so illegal to smile under its shine.


----------



## pearce (Aug 10, 2010)

A friend from college asked a group of us when we were all stoned ''If I get chinese eyes when im stoned, what do chinese people get!!!'' we all got stomach cramps from laughing so much.


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## kloopa (Aug 10, 2010)

Haha one time we were so baked that no one would get up to put the movie in the dvd player, so we sat in silence for about an hour staring at a blank screen when finally my friend breaks the silence with "I fucking hate my friends" and goes to put the dvd in.


----------



## brock (Aug 11, 2010)

my friend "you need to spray yourself so the police dont smell you when you smoke weed it makes your clothes smell more like green"
me "what green smells of?"


----------



## DarKev (Aug 25, 2010)

I tend to say things backwords or sideways when I am stoned. 

Like......................Very well, Good done!


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## xcyraxx (Aug 25, 2010)

and thread= officially dead

edit: i was stoned when i quoted that


----------



## maryjanesbitch (Jul 2, 2011)

after having a session with my friends in a staircase we walked down the stairs and saw a sign that said "No Smoking". This guy, Frank points, at it and laughs. The rest of us look at it and laugh then we walk away and a a couple of minutes later. Frank says " Man whoever laughed at that is a pot head"


----------



## maryjanesbitch (Jul 3, 2011)

I am determind to revive this thread ! Please don't make me talk to myself people pleaseee ! 

I have two more little stories:
We're having a session on a roof top when one person leaves and she says "Don't smoke it all without me" She leaves. And we continue the session. We smoke it all and she comes back and asks me "What happened to the Weed?" I look at her confused and say "I don't know I was high." Moral of the story: Never leave the session!

Another time I was sober actually but some random person goeas up to me and says
"You look like a pothead" and I say "I do........ I am !" It was pretty funny


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## CR500ROOST (Aug 26, 2011)

One time i was at the gas station and there was a bum walking so i pulled out a nice big quarter sized kush nug and called over and asked him if he wanted it.he didnt say anything but he grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth and ate it and just left lol.


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## purpz (Aug 26, 2011)

ahhh yea, bums are awesome. When i was in my teens my friends and i would always smoke them out, then we would trade them candy so they would go buy us alcohol and blunt raps...good times.


----------



## ckelly66 (Aug 28, 2011)

You know your stoned when you can't find your lighter or pipe only to notice 15 minutes later that their in your hands


----------



## stuckonsticky (Aug 28, 2011)

"what the hell is wrong with you..you rolled seeds in this??"--ME


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## Southern Liter (Nov 18, 2011)

When I was around 15 a friend and I had thing saying/routine going where if there was still smoke in the chamber after a bong we called it the "genie" and if you smoke it you get a wish. Obviously if you made the wish it was always for another bong. So always smoke your "Genies" to ensure the next smoke comes through !


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## Stonerman Enoch (Mar 30, 2012)

Theres Three types of people in the world, Those who can count and those who can't.


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