# Wife Wants A Divorce For Smoking and Growing Weed!!!!



## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

Hello RIU, 

I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.

I feel that I have already given up on old friends, habits and sacrificed much for her. Now I think that this has gone too far and that I have changed enough for her and am prepared to go through with the divorce and move to Cali.

I really need some advice. What you would do?

Thanks.


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## Touchet (May 20, 2010)

Wow, give me a sec to soak that in before I comment and just say some stupid shit, brb buddy hang in there.


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## blaze1camp (May 20, 2010)

damn bro...im sorry to hear that...


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

i wouldnt do it around her anymore. I would still let her know that i do it just not around her..


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## stumps (May 20, 2010)

I would say see ya. But thats just me. she might be having issues with loosing a job starting classes and what ever else. I have a buddy same boat as you married this gal. She knew full well he smoked but now if he smoke she wants a split. he just sneaks around behind her back to do it. I think it's stupid to sneak. what age group you guys in? Oh one other thing. She might be having issues with something else and using the pot to vent. she might not even know she has other issues.


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## jesus of Cannabis (May 20, 2010)

marriage is a two way street. if she cant cope with a habit of yours I am sure there s a habit of hers you dont like. I say introduce some cannabis to her diet and see how she gets.


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## researchkitty (May 20, 2010)

Female perspective here. SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU IF YOU KEEP SMOKING OR GROWING. It'll eventually be the straw that breaks the camels back even if it continues now. Some chicks dig it, (most) some dont. I feel terrible your marriage has continued this long. Since your asking for advice, find a chick who is a stoner and loves you. If it were in my shoes, regretfully, I'd leave, and continue my lifestyle. This advice is ONLY if you DONT HAVE CHILDREN, which you say you dont. As for the cat, I hate them so my suggestion is a shooting range, but that's my own issues to overcome.  

You also have to be concerned during divorce court. If (when) it gets ugly, she's the one going to school and you've been the bread winner. Illegal proceeds are the same as legal proceeds in a court of law. She shows the judge how much weed you grow and how much money you make, and guess who gives you a knock on the door a little while later. 5-0! Be *VERY* cautious and NEVER grow at home for probably a year after your divorce. Grow it with a friend at their house or something. Or heed your own advice and move to California or another state of your choosing where its lawful.

Good luck man, I feel for ya, but remember, this is just one chicks point of view. ONLY your opinion matters, follow your heart and look out for yourself.


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## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

We're in our mid 30's.


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## researchkitty (May 20, 2010)

Second piece of advice, this time from a MAN...... William Shakespear:

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

Those are words from his writing in 1697 a.d., "The Mourning Bride"

"...and despite popular belief, Tarzan never said "Me Tarzan You Jane," Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam," and Sergeant Friday never said "Just the facts, Ma'am." It's all true, honest! But Shakespears line holds true even more so today in divorce court!


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## dam612 (May 20, 2010)

yea some canna cookies shell be alright lol jesus, but it sucks man, go big on ur grow and make a bundle of $$$ i bet she would like to see the financial benefits it can pose. But if its love and by the way ur distraught, dont make a mistake and mess up a good thing w a women. Stpo smoking and just get beligerant drunk everynight and i bet shell beg for u to smoke again


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## Murfy (May 20, 2010)

ya no i left my girl cause i don't need that hoe!!!!!!!

seriously , do you love her, does she let you live your life outside of the weed thing, does she give out pussy-
if you answer no to any of these it's time too go
regardless of the outcome, sorry to hear about your grief


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## SensiStan (May 20, 2010)

Hang on just a minute ....... has any1 considered how the cat feels about all this ? 

In all seriousness mate if you have done all your can, you dont have kids and she's creating negativity in your life that doesent need to be there. well i know what i would do. just make sure u take the cat with you. alternatively slowly but surely addd more cannabutter to her meals and see if that shuts her up  

Above all things in my life i need to be happy, because living is merely an existance without happiness,not a life.


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## stumps (May 20, 2010)

good point my wife would rather see me smokin not drinkin.


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## smalltownfella (May 20, 2010)

Who do you love more? Your wife, or your mistress, MJ? Nobody here can make that decision for you. I am sorry for your pain, but man up and make the choice.


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## mygirls (May 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Hello RIU,
> 
> I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.
> 
> ...


BROS BE4 HOES.. i was in your situation a few years back. the only thing my wife did smoke back when but not now for 8 years.. it was the $ i spent on it that caused my problems.. so when i go legal to grow that solved that problem , well all it did was put a bandaid on it. when the sticky wore off the band aid the bitching start again, but this time its about i smoke too much.. ITS LIKE THIS BRO, WOMAN IS WOMAN~~~~~BORN TO BITCH 24/7~~~~~~ most of the time they say yes to to bitch about it latter. from what what your saying it sounds like MJ is not the reason why she wants to leave.. sounds like she is just using it as an excuse..THEY DO THAT YOU NO...

GOOD LUCK AND I WISH YOU BOTH THE BEST AT WHAT EVER YOU, OR SHE DECIDES....


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

agreed with dam she should love you for who you are not what you do...but now and days that just isnt the case also mention to her that many other people in the world smoke the ganj


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## researchkitty (May 20, 2010)

mygirls said:


> BROS BE4 HOES.. i was in your situation a few years back. the only thing my wife did smoke back when but not now for 8 years.. it was the $ i spent on it that caused my problems.. so when i go legal to grow that solved that problem , well all it did was put a bandaid on it. when the sticky wore off the band aid the bitching start again, but this time its about i smoke too much.. ITS LIKE THIS BRO, WOMAN IS WOMAN~~~~~BORN TO BITCH 24/7~~~~~~ most of the time they say yes to to bitch about it latter. from what what your saying it sounds like MJ is not the reason why she wants to leave.. sounds like she is just using it as an excuse..THEY DO THAT YOU NO...
> 
> GOOD LUCK AND I WISH YOU BOTH THE BEST AT WHAT EVER YOU, OR SHE DECIDES....


As poor as your English sentence construction may be, I agree with your principles here.  Not liking weed in one way wont make her suddenly like it some other way. Its her or the pot, your call!


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## mygirls (May 20, 2010)

researchkitty said:


> As poor as your English sentence construction may be, I agree with your principles here.  Not liking weed in one way wont make her suddenly like it some other way. Its her or the pot, your call!


em ton lleps os doog, i wonk.....yrros.....LOL


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## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

smalltownfella said:


> Who do you love more?


 I love her (wife) more, I just am tired of always changing for her. And besides, I never hid the MJ from her and really enjoy smoking. She says that she has always been uncomfortable with it. 

Her uncle (the smoker) just got divorced for the same reason. His wife left, actually called the cops and had him arrested, for smoking. My wife just told me that her uncles ex would call her and cry that he would be smoking in the morning (which wake and bake used to be my favorite, so jealous). Is it possible she's playing copycat?

BTW, thank you everyone.


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## mygirls (May 20, 2010)

on the other hand you could have the aditude 
TWO TEARS IN A BUCKET MOTHER FUCK IT
and find one that wants to do the same things you do.. AND LIKES WHAT YOU LIKE....MJ 

im getting ready to start me a thread 
MYGIRLS LOOKING FOR A WOMAN THAT LIKE WHAT I LIKE......LOL


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

quiet possibly since the other woman (her aunt) is older she could be taking advice from her


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## LoopWhile (May 20, 2010)

.... Slip out the back Jack, make a new plan Stan, you don't need to be coy, Roy ....... you get the picture.
"Behind every good man there is a woman holding a bong", Me

but seriously, good luck to you...

C ya
Loopwhile


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## Touchet (May 20, 2010)

Hi, I'm actually NOT Touchet, this is his wife, Touche. He asked me to read this. I agree with kitty and I would like to add something. Personally, I think during those life changing things she has been doing lately she has done another, if ya get me? I'm really sorry to have to say this, but I think she is attacking what is your most passionate subject because she knows its her "out". As kitty said, you dont want any trouble so her divorce will be smooth sailing and she knows this. I think its just not meant to be and its better it happens now than later my sad friend. 

and to Kitty,

<span class="postlinking"><span id="yui-gen65" class="reputationpopupmenu popupmenu popupcustom" title="4186101"><div class="blockbody formcontrols"> *Add to Reputation: researchkitty*

What do you think of researchkitty's post? 

 I approve
 
<div class="blockrow"> Your comments on this post:


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## RedHairs (May 20, 2010)

That sucks. I bet you don't have any problems with her cause you toke. If you didn't, you'd probably be more irritable and some of those little things she does would bother you more and you'd want her to change 'em. I wonder if she would?

I'm not telling you to stop smoking or to kick her to the curb. I am saying that you're being very thoughful from what you're telling us. That's a good thing. How thoughtful is she being by just giving you this ultimatum? What does she love? Would she give it up to stay with you?

I'll leave you there with your gears turning. Good luck, bro.


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

Touchet's wife is right...all you can do is take a rip for all the happy years you have had and forget them


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## Touchet (May 20, 2010)

thatguy830 said:


> Touchet's wife is right...all you can do is take a rip for all the happy years you have had and forget them



this IS touchet again, and for fear of not getting laid anytime soon I'm only gonna say "what he said" ^


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## DTR (May 20, 2010)

youv done the more important things that are harder like quitting cigs and going back to school ask her why she wants you to give it up if your not hurting anyone ask her if she still really loves you and what would be next if you cave into giveing up smoking if your not in a legal state and she wants kids i could see why she would want you to quit you could always move to a legal state and tell her to save it but if shes willing to toss 11years over pot and you dont drink or do other drugs and youv done all the other things shes asked shes not good enough for you


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## cannofbliss (May 20, 2010)

Sorry to hear your predicament.... you should not have to make a choice in the first place(but it is what it is) and she should love you for who you are. YOU NEED TO ASK HER WHAT IS IT ABOUT A SIMPLE LITTLE PLANT THAT MAKES HER SO ANGRY AND RESENTFUL TOWARDS YOU. IS IT HOW YOU ACT WHEN SMOKING OR IS IT THE LEGALITIES, ASK HER TO BE SPECIFIC SO YOU CAN GET THE _*REAL*_ ISSUE OUT IN THE OPEN. FIRST OF ALL NO ONE WHATSOEVER SHOULD DIVORCE SOMEONE FOR CANNABIS PERIOD.

1.) THERE IS NOTHING EVIL ABOUT THE PLANT....AT ALL.(JUST IGNORANCE AND FALSE/MISUNDERSTOOD PURITAN/RELIGIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS)(AND LIES FED TO GENERATIONS PRIOR AND PASSED ON AS THEY WERE LIED TO(THINK REFER MADNESS HAHA WHAT BULLSHIT LOL)
2.) HOWEVER, IF YOU DO MAKE IT YOUR IDOL AND TREAT THE PLANT BETTER THAN YOU DO HER THEN YOU ARE GOING ABOUT IT ALL THE WRONG WAY.
3.) YOU NEED TO PUT HER FIRST BEFORE CANNABIS(PERSONALLY BELIEVE ALL SHOULD GET RID OF THE TERM MARIJana(misspelled on purpose so no link IT ONLY FURTHERS THE NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS THE PLANT RECEIVES KINDA LIKE THE N WORD FOR AFRICAN AMERICANS OR ANY OTHER DEROGATORY REMARKS ETC...)( IF THERE IS ANYONE ON HERE THAT DOESNT KNOW THE TRUE HISTORY OF CANNABIS THEN YOU REALLY NEED TO DO THE RESEARCH(BUT IM SURE MOST HERE DO 
4.) IF YOU SHOW HER THAT THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED _*ACCEPTANCE*_ AND IT HAS TO WORK BOTH WAYS(ONE WITH HER ACCEPTING YOUR USE OF THE PLANT AND SECONDLY YOUR ACCEPTANCE THAT SHE PROBABLY WILL NEVER TRULY APPRECIATE THE PLANT IN THE WAY YOU DO(DONT KNOW SPECIFICALLY WHY SHE DOESNT LIKE IT BUT TO MOST IT IS SAD TO SAY THIS IS OUT OF THE SAME WAY RACISM IS PROPAGATED...IGNORANCE.)

AND FINALLY, MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO LOVE. TRUE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES, TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL, AND TRUE LOVE _*NEVER*_ FAILS.

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYER NEVER HURTS.(THIS IS ALL FROM HAVING A WELL ROUNDED EXPERIENCE OF THIS PARTICULAR SUBJECT MATTER OF COURSE THUS EXPLAINING THE USE OF CAPS LOCK LOL


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

maaan, i say fuc$ all the hoes. haha jp. im dealing with issues with my girl right now and its just bringing more drama into my life. i love her but im about to call it quits because it always feels like she is jerking me around.


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## Hemlock (May 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Hello RIU,
> 
> I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.
> 
> ...


 
Dude, Man thats tuff one, hang in there don't make any quick decisions.,,,Let it play itself out...

Fucking Chicks always got ya by the bullocks....I'm no youngster, so for me it would be, OK I understand where your comin from
get your shit and get out, I'm goin to smoke a J.....


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## edsthreads (May 20, 2010)

Been in that situation & it was the weed that I kept rather than the missus - I have a very tolerant missus who doesn't smoke weed but doesn't mind me doing it/growing it.. in fact she encourages it.. maybe you should look for a lady that is a more like that? That way your happy, she's happy... hallelujah.. I know it's a real toughie, but you'll make the right decision whatever it is.. chin up


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

it sounds like shes just being ignorant and only wants what she wants...tell her what you want and she what she says


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## jimmyjack88 (May 20, 2010)

I am 50. When I was your age I was married to a woman that wanted to change me. I think she watched too many yuppie TV shows. Bottom line, if she is going for her masters does she hangs out in a climate that is judgemental (maybe?) Question for you? Do you rock at what you do in your job or just stay home and smoke bud all day? My personal philosophy is work hard and play hard. I am an embalmer/mortician for a large funeral home. At work I am in a suit and professional, I see alot of weird shit, me personally I am trying to stay away from alcohol. I liked the other post of just get shitty drunk and she would beg you to just get high. I am now engaged and my lady sees what I am like. She just bought me some very nice nutes at the grow shop.She is involved in my growing (my babies) As you get older you have to find that woman that will accept you unconditionally. But my parents were from Arkansas and my mom said to me 5 years before she died "better adulterous than lazy" So you don't have kids get on a sharing plan for the cat and make the most of your life!


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## Mr.Therapy Man (May 20, 2010)

I had my old lady nag me for growing for over 20 years.My only regret is not running that bitch off 20 years ago and never listening to her bullshit to start with....peace


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## Mindmelted (May 20, 2010)

Sorry to hear the bro.Went through the same thing 2 years ago.
And boy am i enjoying the single life again.
Hope all works out for ya.Stay safe and stay stoned.


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

all these people seem happier when they dont have a ball and chain connected to them...so i would take their advice...but you will always know whats best for your concern


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

hey all, dealing with a situation with my girl and could use some advice.

not trying to thread jack or anything. HERE is the thread


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## mindphuk (May 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> I love her (wife) more, I just am tired of always changing for her. And besides, I never hid the MJ from her and really enjoy smoking. She says that she has always been uncomfortable with it.
> 
> Her uncle (the smoker) just got divorced for the same reason. His wife left, actually called the cops and had him arrested, for smoking. My wife just told me that her uncles ex would call her and cry that he would be smoking in the morning (which wake and bake used to be my favorite, so jealous). Is it possible she's playing copycat?
> 
> BTW, thank you everyone.


 She sounds like a controlling person. 
Did you actually sit down and discuss this and ask her point blank why she is making this ultimatum NOW? It seems very unreasonable but she has the upper hand if you have an illegal garden. If you really want this marriage to work, regardless whether you quit smoking and growing or not, you both should look into couples counseling.


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## PlantManBee (May 20, 2010)

I'd be gone. i'd advise the same for you.


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## Jamielee (May 20, 2010)

That is difficult but maybe she is beginning to feel her age. Trust me 30's for a woman is a difficult point. I find myself looking at the last 12 years wondering where all the time went...oh yeah thats right I have been fucked up nearly all of it. I made the choice to put off college and have fun so I didn't earn a college degree until I was 28 now at 31 I have a career and all the material things you can imagine to keep my mind off what I do not have. I have friends carrying around babies and go home every night to a husband and family and I go to an empty house. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I want from life because it is getting to the do or die time, I believe she is there also.
She most likely attributes all your bad habits to your marijuana usage. I know I blame all my failed relationships and lonely nights to the fact I have spent the last 10 years becoming a professional druggy and working a job I hate because it pays well enough to keep my shopping and drug habit going. 
With 11 years together I have no doubt you are really upset over this and I wouldn't recommend to anyone giving up a relationship for drugs but I would suggest you slow the drug use down. Explain to her you can't just quit the mood swings would drive you two apart and spend the next couple of weeks seeing if you can't find out the real reason behind her concern. Maybe she wants a child but doesn't want to have a child with a guy that puts his high over her. If she has given you such good encouragement in the past maybe you should humor her and see where she takes you next. I am sure you already know she is driven out of her love for you so just trust her.
With that said if you want to be the 40 y/o stoner trying to blend in with the bachelor guys 20 years your junior then tell her "no way I already gave up my buddies" because at some point your marriage either moves forward or you grow apart. 
Everyone likes the old stoner dude down the road but no one wants his life.


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## thatguy830 (May 20, 2010)

mindphuk said:


> She sounds like a controlling person.
> Did you actually sit down and discuss this and ask her point blank why she is making this ultimatum NOW? It seems very unreasonable but she has the upper hand if you have an illegal garden. If you really want this marriage to work, regardless whether you quit smoking and growing or not, you both should look into couples counseling.


idk about all that considering the face that it is over mary jane


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## RedHairs (May 20, 2010)

Not TRYING to thread jack; just doing it, huh? Asshole. We'll get to your post too!


Anywho, I love my wife. Sure, she drives me up the wall sometimes. But thats what women do. They motivate us in one way or another. Some are better than others. So I'm not saying that I could not survive without my wife, but damn, I'd be pretty torn up. And I haven't been married for 11yrs to her. So maybe everyone else is saying kick her to the curb, I'm saying 11 yrs is a long time. It must've lasted that long for a reason. Obviously she's motivated you in the past to change, arguably for the better in some things.

Shit, everything we do in some kinda way if for a woman. Ok, not completely; but vaguely, yes. Money, house, cars = women. Yes, we may like those things too. But we also want a woman who appreciates us for our taste in the things we decide to buy, or our ability to buy the things that we do. Yes, I'd like a new M5 BMW. I think they're cool. But I'm not oblivious of it's ability to drop panties. 

I digress... if you feel that the relationship has lasted this long only because of your willingness to change; then maybe it's not time for you to change anymore. Some of the other posters are right, you can't prevent the inevitable. Maybe it is time for a change for you both.

Again, best of luck.


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## Balzac89 (May 20, 2010)

If it bothered her that much from the begining why the hell did she stick around?


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## Murfy (May 20, 2010)

i AM the old stoner guy down the road and i think i'm pretty cool


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## mygirls (May 20, 2010)

Murfy said:


> i AM the old stoner guy down the road and i think i'm pretty cool


hey now how can you be me if im me.....cause thats me too....LOL


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## SensiStan (May 20, 2010)

hmmm that would make a well funny tv show, two old stoner men and the stupid crap they get caught up in.... ones hard of hearing the others opinionated and always ranting about how it was back in his day ..... sorry if im off topic i just had the idea and had to write it down


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## Balzac89 (May 20, 2010)

^ This guy might be stoned.


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## nubiebud (May 20, 2010)

Maybe she has been cheating on you and looking to get out?


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

hye redhairs, chill out and smoke a bowl. i read through this thread and kinda sounded like i was going through, and everyone had such great advice, i also contributed, i thought someone could give me a little. its not like it really affected this thread. my bad for wanting some advice before i acted on something. this site is like a confidant to me, since i dont really open up to people, and can do it on here without anyone knowing who i really am.


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## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

Thanks everyone.

The main problem is she wants to have kids without smoke around. I have no problem smoking in the shed or out of the house if it came down to it, but we don't have any kids yet. I'm so confused, I have applied to a couple of jobs in Cali. If they call me, I guess that I'll have to make a decision, one that my heart will hate either way.

So here's what she's most scared of, it was almost done. 


We compromised and I offered to take the little ones to her uncles house, and for now, just grow vegetables in the cabinet. She agreed. Hopefully, I'll be able to bring a girl to flower within the shelter of the other plants. Are there any vegetables that look like MJ so that I could sneak one in every once in a while? 

I know it may sound sad, but you guys (RIU community) are the only people I can honestly ask for advice and have a conversation with about this. So, thank you again.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

man you would HAVE to do NL # 5. virtually no odor. as in veggies no. flowers definitely yes


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

or atleast another low odor strain


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## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

ElectricPineapple, what type of flowers or plants can mask the MJ and grow in the same climate?


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

damn, put me on the spot. lol hold on, let me check my archives haha.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

here we go. check this THREAD out


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

look at chleome. smelly and looks like MJ


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## CrackerJax (May 20, 2010)

There it is finally...the real reason...kids. I was just going to say....ask her for the REAL reason. She has lived with it for years...and now a change has occurred.... ppl usually don't say the true core reason...they pick at the flanks...in this case it's weed. 
Take her out to a nice place...not too fancy...just nice... food is important when talking things out.... don't get bombed... but show her you care...and see if she mellows a bit. Marriage is about compromise... on BOTH sides. Meet her halfway...but that also means she has to move too...and not just from "I want a divorce".


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## siht7419 (May 20, 2010)

Thank, those look just like MJ!

Yea, but we don't have kids yet. She is so bent on having everything perfect that children were never within our grasp. And with my lifestyle (according to her), they never will be.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

man, if you love the chick, and you want to be with her, you will do whats right. if you want to grow, get a 1 bedroom apartment and grow in it.


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## cdrippper2 (May 20, 2010)

Just came out of a relationship, where eventually, anything and everything i did was made to be not okay after a while. I feel for you man. Been there, done that (except weed wasn't the main issue round here)
Not to talk badly about your wife either, but sounds like she's one of those perfectionist types...Sounds like she needs a reality check of some (psychedelic) kind. But then again, like pineapple is saying, YOU gotta chose what YOU wanna do. Don't take our advice. This is a VERY important life decision and is yours alone.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

yes, we can only give you different perspectives on the situation. you know how you feel, just follow your heart, your brain and balls will follow haha.


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## PlantManBee (May 20, 2010)

ElectricPineapple said:


> yes, we can only give you different perspectives on the situation. you know how you feel, just follow your heart, your brain and balls will follow haha.


it's usually balls first for most guys i know LOL


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## ElectricPineapple (May 20, 2010)

haha ya it usually is... but by thinking like that, ive lost a girl i truly care about.


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## CrackerJax (May 21, 2010)

Exactly.... that sort of approach works every time.... but you will also be single or miserable the rest of your life.


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## thatguy830 (May 21, 2010)

how about you just stop growing and just stick to smoking??


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## Smotz (May 21, 2010)

I could tell you a few fucked up stories, but instead I'll just keep it short, and state the conclusion that I have came to out of my own experiences.

Life is FAR too short and fucked up, to have someone in your life that doesn't accept you for who you are 100%. That means loving you for who you are, and not trying to change anything about you whatsoever. I've been through it time and again, and Personally I'm over the BS from women. Anyone of them that comes into my life and trys to change me now, gets kicked swiftly to the curb. Luckily, I have a great woman in my life right now, who actually does accept me for who I am, crazy ass lifestyle and all, and I do love her. She even smokes up, and eats shrooms with me sometimes, which is awesome. I couldn't ask for a great deal more. She doesn't know about any of my Illegal activities or my grow though, which even though she is trustworthy, that is always for the best, as you never know what people might do, or if they will turn on you, when the $hit hits the fan. So, I always play it safe there.

Still, that love, and that connection that we share, even as strong as it may be perceived to be inside my mind, will not stop me from kicking her out of my life should she ever try and change me in any way. I'm not co-dependent at all, so I really don't need a woman in my life to function normally and be happy. It's just the way to has to be, my peace of mind and happiness in my life, is much more important than any attachment that I may form with any person on this earth.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 21, 2010)

those are great words of wisdom, smotz. helped me decide what i need to do with this girl.


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## Anjinsan (May 21, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Thank, those look just like MJ!
> 
> Yea, but we don't have kids yet. She is so bent on having everything perfect that children were never within our grasp. And with my lifestyle (according to her), they never will be.


DO NOT HAVE A KID TO KEEP HER HAPPY. DO NOT. Do not. do not. Divorce is better for you imho. If you think she's laying down the law now...she'll have MORE power when she has a baby in the oven.


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## ElectricPineapple (May 21, 2010)

hellll yes she will and wait till the kid is out. you think you have a ball and chain now. try a maximum security cell when you have a kid. dont fuck up a kids life because you two couldnt get your shit straight or didnt do the right thing. a kid doesnt deserve that. i didnt grow up with a dad because he couldnt get his shit staight. and let me tell you, that SUCKED!


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## PlantManBee (May 21, 2010)

if you are not OK with what she is dictating and she doesn't relent it can only get worse. Leave. if you tell her that and she gives in you may have a chance.

Bottom Line: not compatible


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## CLOSETGROWTH (May 21, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Hello RIU,
> 
> I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you have done alot of change for her already..

I mean, ya stopped hanging around with your friends, and this and that for her.

She needs to compromise with ya, instead of belting out the "rules".

This kind of shit is why i never married anyone..

Seen too many of my friends get all pussy wipped over a woman.. no backbone at all... YES MY LOVE, NO MY LOVE! 

I dunno bro, I think you need to make yourself happy, your #1 remember that.

Thats how I look at it.

No biotch is gonna tell me that I can, or cannot grow.

Its your gig man, your personality.. your desires..

Honestly, I think theres more to it.

imho, Id let her go before she turns you into someone your not.

Your not gonna be happy being someone else, and it'll problem come down to a divorce sooner or later anyways.

Ive been in situations like yours before, and I bagged em before it got too serious.

You only live once, for now on, do the things that make "you" happy.

Maybe your wife does make you happy.. I dont know.

Sounds to me like she wants a donny and marie lifestyle.. corny.

Im a good counselor to alot of my friends, and I think she's just bringing ya down.

Life is too short..Enjoy yourself..

There's plenty of fish out there, next time dont marry one.

Best of luck to you.


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## Dirtfree (May 21, 2010)

If you dont have kids with her, move on before its too late!!!!! You will never change how she feels about it and she will never change you unless you want to change. I was with a girl just like yours, only difference, we had a kid together. She will always break your balls about it and hold it over your head. 
You have to find a chick that loves you for who you are!! I spent six years with a chick that didnt smoke. Thats six years I could have been happy with someone else! There is someone out there that will put up with your shit and smokes. Dont let your life pass you bye!


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## CLOSETGROWTH (May 21, 2010)

Great advice DF... 

Its like that, and thats the way it is.


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## Dirtfree (May 21, 2010)

Hopefully he gets out before its too late! Hoping someone will change is like hoping to win the lottery. Its fun to daydream about but most likely its not going to happen


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## cdrippper2 (May 21, 2010)

As Jay-Z sang...On to the next one!


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## siht7419 (May 21, 2010)

cdrippper2 said:


> As Jay-Z sang...On to the next one!


 And Gang Starr, x girl to next girl.

After a horrible afternoon trying to work out the best way to split everything and even taking care of some today like; cell phones, bank accounts, car insurance, gym membership, we have made many changes to our lives. This evening I went to take care of the last part of a previous agreement, taking the plants out of the house. I brought the youngens over to her uncles today and had an enlightening conversation with him. He reminded me that we love each other and have worked through many ups and downs and we can fix this with compromise. 

I took his advice and met with my wife after I returned home. Unfortunately, growing did not win, but I can't say that I blame her though. Now instead of growing weed we will be growing tomatoes and herbs in my grow box and she promised to take on some of my other interests. I then agreed not to smoke every day, that is mainly what she was upset about. Our compromise was that I'll only smoke twice a week and she can only go on FB for 15 minutes a day. I know it's lame but for me it's better than the alternative. It was good for us to split the banking, we should have separate accounts from the beginning. It doesn't look like we are finished yet. 

Thanks again for all of your advice and intuitive insight on my problem.

I won't be growing now but I'll be back someday.


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## cannofbliss (May 22, 2010)

haha LOL siht7419 your signature reads.....*I am a pathological liar, don't believe a word I say.(obviously for being funny about protecting yourself legally haha but nevertheless)......

one more bit of intuitive insight here for ya.... DONT LET YOUR WIFE SEE YOUR SIGNATURE HAHAHA LOL JK. PEACE and glad to hear its working out.


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## Smotz (May 22, 2010)

ElectricPineapple said:


> those are great words of wisdom, smotz. helped me decide what i need to do with this girl.


Thanks. I know most of the time a person can get alot more out of hearing someone elses experience, than just with someone telling them what they should do in their situation. Which is why I try and relate my experiences and conclusions to people, rather than just preach to them about what they should do. 

Smoking these heavy Sativa strains that I have been on lately, helps me to think alot more clearly. Staying off the Indicas for a while, tired of feeling "dulled out" and sedated all the time.

To the OP, good luck to you and your situation.


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## poopmaster (May 22, 2010)

I say go through with the divorce. You'll look back on it as the right decision as time goes on.


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## jahjah kush (May 22, 2010)

say you quit and dont smoke around her and you either have 2 move ur grow outside or just buy the shit hope this helps


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## bigmblazin (May 22, 2010)

that is a tough break man. I think when it comes down to it you gotta follow a combination of your heart and your head and do what you think is going to make YOU happy overall in the longrun, good luck with your tough situation, hope whatever you do makes you HAPPY cuz life is to short not to be.


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## donkey.420 (May 22, 2010)

i would give her a reason to not like pot by putting a joint out on her forehead. shortly followed by throwing her shit on the curb. life is too short to live fucked up. now put your chin up and get your ass to cali where you will find true happiness.


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## OregonMeds (May 22, 2010)

"Everyone likes the old stoner dude down the road but no one wants his life"

Uh huh, but you can find lots of company who you can kick out of bed and send home any time you like. And you can have the same deep bonds and friendships without all the bad drama. It's not all bad to be the carefree stoner dude and you won't have to deal with the woman in your life as she's turning into a fucking crazy annoying old lady. Do you know even one old lady you would want to be with when you are that age? Will you want to be with your bitchy controlling chick when she's that ugly old and crazy? 

They only get worse... MUCH WORSE

You need to at least not waste one more second and talk to her and see if you just aren't right for each other any more. It happens.


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## mygirls (May 22, 2010)

OregonMeds said:


> "Everyone likes the old stoner dude down the road but no one wants his life"
> 
> Uh huh, but you can find lots of company who you can kick out of bed and send home any time you like. And you can have the same deep bonds and friendships without all the bad drama. It's not all bad to be the carefree stoner dude and you won't have to deal with the woman in your life as she's turning into a fucking crazy annoying old lady. Do you know even one old lady you would want to be with when you are that age? Will you want to be with your bitchy controlling chick when she's that ugly old and crazy?
> 
> ...


yep sometimes holes just grow old....hahahaha lol
maybe she just wan'ts a guy to get past the worn out part....LOL
sorry i just couldn't help myself with that one....


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## Rob Roy (May 22, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your situation. Emotions can override things in life, breakups are no fun. No relationship can last though, if one party doesn't want it to. You may be forever chasing your tail, trying to make her happy if she wants out.

Does she drink? If she does and she tells you to quit the weed, you may have a person that has confused legal with "correct" and illegal with "incorrect". Sounds like her aunt might be meddling too and dangerous to your well being, if you
are growing. DO NOT trust her, period. 

I think if you give up an important part of your life because another person has told you what you MUST do to keep the relationship, you won't be happy. If you can't bring about a reasonable compromise, I'd say live your life the way you want to. You likely will find somebody that is more compatible, but even if it takes awhile, staying with somebody that you are INCOMPATIBLE with will eventually be worse than being alone for a short time. It's hard to imagine, but life does go on. Good luck.


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## mygirls (May 22, 2010)

Rob Roy said:


> Sorry to hear about your situation. Emotions can override things in life, breakups are no fun. No relationship can last though, if one party doesn't want it to. You may be forever chasing your tail, trying to make her happy if she wants out.
> 
> Does she drink? If she does and she tells you to quit the weed, you may have a person that has confused legal with "correct" and illegal with "incorrect". Sounds like her aunt might be meddling too and dangerous to your well being, if you
> are growing. DO NOT trust her, period.
> ...


very true, i gave up hunting back in 1992 cuz of the old lady. i just started back up in 2008 and its been hell ever sence.. i was a very unhappy campernow im back were i belong IN THE WOODS and the wife hates it. she says she never sees me but yet she chooses not to, but yet i do every thing she wants to right down to watching all the girly movies..... my sheets are spliting very slowly, and that sucks cuz i love her...


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## donkey.420 (May 22, 2010)

love and marriage isn't about giving shit up. its about choke holds and drop kicks. oh wait, thats sex...


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## sensisensai (May 22, 2010)

Sorry if this comes across as asshole offensive or blunt but,
From what I've gathered she was aware of who you were and what you do. Did she not fall in love with YOU? Change is an unnecesarry shift encouraged by insecurity and often fueled by something, jealousy, envy, hate. If it were me " u fell in love with me for me. You knew who I was and loved me for it." "If u can't handle who I still am and will always be *creek* here's the door bitch, use it" light a blunt and go back to pruning the only ladies in your life who will fully respect, love, and understand you. Women are complicated and expensive, so is growing. Wouldn't you rather take the route that will let you have your way with them. And the charges are less if u hit a hard spot and start salin ur dope than they would be for pimpin a wife. Plus u wouldn't have trouble lookin at these ladies the same afterward ya know? 
Seriously though. She knew it and now she's not ok with it, people change. Take what uve learned from her and apply it. Remember the good times and don't let any hate or spite in your heart. Look at it as her loss, she's leaving someone who obviously truly cares about her unconditionally. Shell likely never find someone like you again.... Her loss yeah? Now, "go hit the bong til ya face get long. Ass out on da couch wit ya tongue hangin out..."


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## PlantManBee (May 22, 2010)

donkey.420 said:


> love and marriage isn't about giving shit up. its about choke holds and drop kicks. oh wait, thats sex...


hahahahahahahaha


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## mygirls (May 23, 2010)

how to get over a woman is buy geting under another. LOL


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## CLOSETGROWTH (May 23, 2010)

I guess alot of us dont get credit for our input? .. that kinda sucks.

Well, we told him whats up, guess he'll find out for himself.

He's in for a "wake up" call, and soon.

The "Brady Bunch" lifestyle aint gonna last too long.

Mark these words.


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## PDN247 (May 23, 2010)

if she is willing to divorce over such a minor issue she may need to rethink her priorities. weather she agrees or disagrees with your choices to smoke weed the relationship should hold a higher precedent. If she is willing to go so far as to threaten a divorce, it doesn't sound like she's in it for better or worse. Seems like the stress of losing her job and going back to school could have built up into this disagreement.


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## MI Bluntsmoker (May 23, 2010)

researchkitty said:


> Female perspective here. SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU IF YOU KEEP SMOKING OR GROWING. It'll eventually be the straw that breaks the camels back even if it continues now. Some chicks dig it, (most) some dont. I feel terrible your marriage has continued this long. Since your asking for advice, find a chick who is a stoner and loves you. If it were in my shoes, regretfully, I'd leave, and continue my lifestyle. This advice is ONLY if you DONT HAVE CHILDREN, which you say you dont. As for the cat, I hate them so my suggestion is a shooting range, but that's my own issues to overcome.
> 
> You also have to be concerned during divorce court. If (when) it gets ugly, she's the one going to school and you've been the bread winner. Illegal proceeds are the same as legal proceeds in a court of law. She shows the judge how much weed you grow and how much money you make, and guess who gives you a knock on the door a little while later. 5-0! Be *VERY* cautious and NEVER grow at home for probably a year after your divorce. Grow it with a friend at their house or something. Or heed your own advice and move to California or another state of your choosing where its lawful.
> 
> Good luck man, I feel for ya, but remember, this is just one chicks point of view. ONLY your opinion matters, follow your heart and look out for yourself.


LOL ur name is researchkitty and you hate cats... and you have a cat as an avatar, thats soo funny

And to siht, MJ should be your main girl, shes my main girl, and any womaan that doesnt see that Id say good bye to!


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## siht7419 (May 25, 2010)

CLOSETGROWTH said:


> I guess alot of us dont get credit for our input? .. that kinda sucks.
> 
> Well, we told him whats up, guess he'll find out for himself.
> 
> ...


I continually thank you all for all of the advice and words of encouragement. I am still trying to figure this out. As I said before, I am willing to continue to give to her whatever she want's, but it can't always be one sided. She need to show major improvements and changes that I want for her to continue with this relationship. 

As it stands right now, I brought all my plants to her uncles house and I'm only smoking on the weekends which kind of sucks, but I do love her more than weed.


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## thatguy830 (May 25, 2010)

glad u could work things out....mutual agreements is good...and at least u didnt have to quit all at once...and at least the plants werent destroyed or thrown away at least u can access ur plants still...got to look at the brighter side of things sumtimes


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## laceygirl (May 25, 2010)

Sounds like things are pretty broken to begin with... Pot can't be the only issue, but I will agree it will be the straw that breaks the camels back... 

Its hard to be in a relationship when one enjoys and the other doesn't... I was in a relationship like that for 2 years, its didn't last... My husband of 10 years is a smoker, things just work better... 

What gets me is, did she know all this about you before she married you? If so, then allowances have to be made on her behalf... Marriage is such a delicate dance, but it really shouldn't be this difficult... 

You know what my hubby and I argue about most in our household? Whether or not Batman can be called a real Super Hero as he has no superpowers.... I'm a huge superman fan...

You know if you're with your match... You just know... Everything should feel natural and right... If it doesn't and it sounds like you are not fulfilling each other anyway, you can walk away... But do you remember what it was that made you fall in love with her in the first place...?? 

Also don't be too much of a push-over by giving her everything she wants... You need to let her know that you're still the Alpha Male, even if you don't feel it... I let my husband believe he's the boss from time to time, its healthy...lol... 

But we've got a three year history before we got married and we covered all the topics we didn't want to have spring up, like he's ok for me to stay home and look after the kids, he's ok that I smoke and grow pot, he's ok that I want to go back to work full time...I'm Ok with the fact he loves WWE, I'm ok with him wanting to stay at home and look after the kids while I go back to work full time.... We've already crossed the hard bridges..Sticky issues too like, divorce, child raising, sex education...All that shit has been discussed at length and is still open for discussion if we wish. If more people did this, then more marriages would work.....

Its all about compromise, my hubby and I are often broke after paying all the bills and taking care of the kids needs and wants, but it don't matter... I have him, and he will always have me.... Money is the one thing that breaks more people up than anything, the next on the list is drugs... Do you really want to be that kind of statistic????? If you can be with your partner, in times of no cash and no fun, you have a pretty good chance of going the distance... If, when things are going well, you don't feel passion or deep emotion for your partner, then its time to go....

Money and drugs are two really stupid reasons for two people in love to be apart, but even more stupid if it keeps them together....


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## siht7419 (May 25, 2010)

Wow, thanks for that. We have been through many moneyless times and our love has never floundered. Now in her defense, I did spend our last 100.00 dollars on a fan because I needed to get more air flow through the grow box. In my rational, I was going to be able to bring in extra income once the harvest came. I think that's what "broke the camels back". She is starting to ease up a bit.


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## laceygirl (May 25, 2010)

I spent our last six dollars last night on transplant pots...... Things are tough as my hubbys new job doesn't start until 13th June...I get paid tomorrow..whew...


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## charranoid (May 26, 2010)

maybe explain to her what marijuana does for you...for me it gives me back my sanity


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## researchkitty (May 26, 2010)

MI Bluntsmoker said:


> LOL ur name is researchkitty and you hate cats... and you have a cat as an avatar, thats soo funny
> 
> And to siht, MJ should be your main girl, shes my main girl, and any womaan that doesnt see that Id say good bye to!


Kitty is the nickname for one of my dogs.  Never did like cats! The hello kitty seemed appropriate for an avatar, since its perfectly girly. Like me!


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## DjAeroFluxxx (May 27, 2010)

the only woman thats never let me down is Mary Jane, but if she really wants you to quit everything after 6 yrs of marrage it kind of makes you think why you got married to her in the first place if shes so against marijuana, cuz its obviously a big part of your life as it is with a lot of people on RIU, if she cant accept you for who you are then find someone who will, you'll be much happier 

it all comes down to what you think is important, if you think you've sacrificed enough then go with the flow and if its meant to be then it is

no bitch is worth YOUR happiness


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## dinobelly (May 27, 2010)

Just one more thing...........one more thing............one more thing........one more thing............and then you're dead.

Ditch the bitch. That is all. -BGK


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## robert 14617 (May 27, 2010)

she wants out and will find anything you do that she can use to get what she wants , did she thank you for putting her through school? she may already be seeing her new man in transition, doing it in the field


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## jarhead0811 (Jul 10, 2010)

tom lykis would say to DTB but i am just quoting him


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## The Potologist (Jul 10, 2010)

One word for ya brotha : GOODBYE  Leave the foolish to flock with birds of the same feather

Peace, Love and Happiness


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## CueTrott (Jul 13, 2010)

Im not sure what its like to be in a relationship as serious as yours but try to talk to her and cope with her like dont sqay your going to leave if she doesn't like it but say that you have made alot of changes for her and lost some friends becasue of her but you just dont think this is a big deal because its not like your selling the weed and your not indangering anyone.

Lemmie know if that helped 

Just tell her your honest fellings.

-CueTrott


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## weed4cash (Nov 5, 2010)

Don't sneak around with smoking. Lies don't belong in a marrage. They are never healthy for a life long relationship. She will know eventually. THEY ALL DO! And when that time comes she will realize all the times you lied. Hard to take you serious after that.

Look. Either you love weed or her. That's it. Make a choice and start your life. But remind her of this:

She married you for the man you were. Those vows were for who you were. If she loved you then and that has changed now, how much more will your love change with her? Will your love flop every time she sees a defect in you? Just make sure she loves you and not her idea of you. Because if she marries her idea of you, maybe that is where love is falling short. She is starting to realize you are not adding up to her idea of you was.

But also, date a bit more. She is focusing on you probebly because she is frustrated or lonely. She might just be using the weed thing as a crutch to pick on you because she needs to get out and she maybe even needs some 
BIG JOHNSON.

Tell her tonight, honey you are going to get a neck rub and then I'm going to fuck you four ways from Sunday.


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## Maulstrom (Nov 5, 2010)

researchkitty said:


> As for the cat, I hate them so my suggestion is a shooting range, but that's my own issues to overcome.


I think I'm in love!!


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## six8 (Nov 30, 2010)

sounds like your wife sees MJ as the other woman. im a truck driver and met this chick 2 days after i gave up my apartment, put my belongins in a storage unit and hit the road tuff. i would roll into town every every three days or so, chill for a hot minute, and b out again. then i bought my own truck and i would stay gone for longer periods. when i did come through, i would do some work on the truck, or if we were out and headed back in, i'd run by my truck. anyway, my lifestyle was cool with her up to a point and even though she knew i was a trucker for real b4 her, the lifestyle didnt work for her. she may have loved me, but she didnt love my lifestyle and it led to envy towards the truck. honestly i loved my truck more. which do you love more?


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## brownbearclan (Nov 30, 2010)

Stop smoking, start drinking (daily), do some stupid shit and then maybe the weed might not look so bad anymore.


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## researchkitty (Dec 2, 2010)

I wonder how things turned out between them........... Its been 6 months or so?! Still together? Kill each other? Have babies???


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## Dirtfree (Dec 6, 2010)

YEs please update...did you kill her?


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## fabfun (Dec 6, 2010)

well his profile shows last activity as 11-30-10 but last post was july 
or maybe his wife killed him and was looking at what everyone said about her lol


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## malicifice (Dec 6, 2010)

Sorry to hear bro, either way things get better. I don't think your weed issue is the problem just an excuse. You said she went back to school, any new friends? Maybe she is getting outside influence from a male friend... I don't mean to put ideas in your head. Best advice I ever got was that, "men think rationally, women think emotionally" good luck my friend and keep your head up.


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## naomisrollin (Dec 6, 2010)

smokers plus non smokers don't mix.


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## DaLeftHandMan (Dec 8, 2010)

just replying to the OP.

Sorry to hear that man, trust me..my wife and i battled for like 7 years about it. she did the whole "ill leave you" and " its me or the weed" thing for a long time..and i just called her bluff and said "well if you wanna throw all we have away because of weed, then do it, i dont need someone like you in my life then". and here we are 7 years later and im still high and happy and she accepts it. 

#1 reason to take a stand: Pot isnt and doesnt(SHOULDNT!) define your relationship to begin with, ya know? her not wanting you to do it, is just immature manipulative control. you DO NOT have to be in a relationship that is more dictatorship then union. if your bills are paid, food on the table and whatever else you need, is provided for yourself and her? **pfffttt...you best tell her to go take a chill-pill. 

growing could be a different arguement because of the rammifications if your caught by the law or family/someone you/she doesnt want to know you do it.


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## FeFiFoFUM (Dec 10, 2010)

Id leave her ass in a heartbeat. ive been with my wife for 11 years now and Ive smoked the entire time Ive known her, now granted she got me to quit smoking ciggs, but hell I wanted to do that anyway but was addicted to them and was having the hardest of times. but pot Ive never even thought of quitting, not even for a second, she did try the " i dont want to be in a relationship with a pothead" when we first got together but I told her to kick rocks if thats how she felt, NOT because I loved weed more than her, but because I was not going to be told what I could or could not do by anyone. she accepted that and has NEVER said anything to me since about smoking pot. I later transitioned naturally into growing my own, for reasons of quality and the money I was wasting buying it. now this bothered her because of the consequences if I get caught however I logically explained to her that me going out and buying it was far more dangerous because I was transporting it home, not to mention I could get robbed in process of buying it, and even if I didnt get robbed that there was someone else who KNEW that I had it, and that person could potentially rat me out. anyway sorry to be longwinded the moral of the story is. DONT let people dictate to you what you can or cannot do. especially if you were open about what you did when you met the person, she should have chosen then NOT to be in your life.

in summary.
MEN do what they WANT, boys do what they can.


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## MsBotwin (Dec 14, 2010)

Well, I can see her not wanting you to grow, if it's for more than personal use. If you get busted, so does she. As to the smoking, seems unfair. She knew you smoked up BEFORE you got married. Maybe ask her why she suddenly has issues with you smoking when you've done so all along. Also, you said she is back in school. Is she going into some sort of law enforcement career or trying to become a lawyer? If that's the case, you have your reason for her suddenly wanting you to stop having anything to do with MJ. Busted would be the end of her career.
Try to see if she is willing to compromise. You stop growing or move your op away from your home, but keep smoking. Tell her the truth about smoking, but agree not to do it around her. This sounds like a reasonable compromise to me.


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## sm0keyrich510 (Dec 17, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Hello RIU,
> 
> I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.
> 
> ...


the answer to this question is VERY simple...WHICH ONE CANT YOU LIVE WITHOUT?

thats the hard part of it.


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## Hidden Door (Dec 17, 2010)

naomisrollin said:


> smokers plus non smokers don't mix.


not true everytime, my wife and are coming up on our 25th wedding anniversery and i can only think of 2 times that she has smoked and i can't think back to the last day i didn't smoke.


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## angrygranola (Dec 19, 2010)

after 11 years... it's probably not about the weed, TBH. guess that's a dick thing to say, but c'mon 11 years is a long time to live with someone who uses and manufactures a schedule 1 narcotic, to one day all of a sudden be all... "that shits not cool" my experience tells me that bitches need excuses to make moves in their life. they can't do it themselves they need something to push them in whatever direction they think they should be traveling. my 2 cents.


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## fabfun (Dec 19, 2010)

i agree most male and females look for excuses to justify 



angrygranola said:


> after 11 years... it's probably not about the weed, TBH. guess that's a dick thing to say, but c'mon 11 years is a long time to live with someone who uses and manufactures a schedule 1 narcotic, to one day all of a sudden be all... "that shits not cool" my experience tells me that bitches need excuses to make moves in their life. they can't do it themselves they need something to push them in whatever direction they think they should be traveling. my 2 cents.


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## bikerguy333 (Dec 20, 2010)

So i havent posted on here in awhile but saw this and wow.Is this me?Im going thru the same thing right now.Was married for 4 years to a lady i thought to be the nice most caring hot girl that didnt smoke."My bad wont do that again."Ive been smoken for many year befor i met her and had told her that up front.well i got medical 2 year into it are marriage and she was all about it because im in pain all the time due to alot of broken bones.She went to school and got a job she wanted as a vet.Then one day she came home and was like you must stop smoken or im gone.I truely thought she was just in a mood.WELL I SAID IM NOT STOPPING I AM WHAT I AM.TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.she left it.I actullay help the bitch pack and move.I couldnt believe someone that says they love you could ask you to stop something that help you so much.She was like take painkillers.Thats what everyone else does.Wow right.Well i have nerve issues and pain meds dont work very good nor are they good for you.so im very stoned so dont mind the spelling.i hope the guy that started this is doing good.he didnt need that lady.


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## SCARHOLE (Dec 20, 2010)

I hate the way women marry you so they can try and fix you.

Somday im getting a divorce from my non smoking wife an moving back to colorado.
But ill wait tell the kids are grown up in about 10 yrs.


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## Japanfreak (Dec 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. .


Don't be an asshole, it's only weed. It's your fucking wife man. I haven't bothered reading what has been said in this thread, but if it's anything other than put your wife first it's fucking bad advice. Put her first, make a deal to stop growing but fight for the right to smoke and maybe she will let you grow again in the future.


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## grow space (Dec 20, 2010)

It makes me laugh..dude had gone, and i bet hes not coming back in here, but still people give him advice like hes still here....I bet He didint left her and now his smoking crack


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## CSI Stickyicky (Dec 20, 2010)

This is why i'm glad my long term girlfriend smokes. 

So hopefully, the OP comes back, so we can hear what happened. This looks like it's 7 months old. If you ever read this, good luck man. You have to decide what's most important to you. Personally, i'd leave her and move to Colorado.


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## Vento (Dec 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> *The main problem is she wants to have kids without smoke around.* I have no problem smoking in the shed or out of the house if it came down to it, but we don't have any kids yet. I'm so confused, I have applied to a couple of jobs in Cali. If they call me, I guess that I'll have to make a decision, one that my heart will hate either way.
> 
> ...



Hey dude ... tough spot to be in ... *BUT* i think the baby excuse is bullshit ... Why go and get a degree and then become a mom ?...it makes no sense to me ?

Sounds to me like your being manipulated a bit .

Bottom line is this ... It's up to you and her to sort it out ... Just try and be adult about it , *IF* its just about a smoke free enviroment for a child ... then you both have to make the rules and stick to them ... She would agree to something like that don't you think ? 

But i have a feeling its nothing to do with that .

You come across as a decent kind of guy ( hard to find in this day and age ) ... Try calling her bluff ... Tell her you want to continue and are willing to stick to the rules if a baby is on the way .... But you will be doing it with or without her if need be .... see what she says 

Good Luck man ....i hope she can see your point in the end


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## Lil Czr (Dec 20, 2010)

I've been through this before.

In my opinion she is just looking for an excuse to leave because she has her eye on someone else.

That's they way they play it, so it will be YOUR fault when you divorce and not hers for cheating.

It's funny how it's all of a sudden a problem now.

She's gonna leave one way or the other because she thinks the grass is greener on the other side.

Sorry you're going through this, but you'll get through it.


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## IAm5toned (Dec 20, 2010)

siht7419 said:


> Hello RIU,
> 
> I am seriously distraught over this. We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. I have always smoked weed around her and even with her uncle. She has only taken a few hits in her life and is not a smoker. I have changed my life for the better since I've met her; she encouraged me to go to college, to quit smoking cigs and to be more financially responsible. We don't have children but do have a cat together. After she lost her job a few months ago, she decided to return to school to get a masters degree and has been working part time in the field she wants to transition to. I do not want to get a divorce but I also don't want to stop smoking and growing weed. I suggested that I quit growing and she wants weed out of my life all together, so that is not even an option now.
> 
> ...


someone that loves you, for who you are, wont ask you to change.....


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## Weed Daddy (Dec 20, 2010)

Well, first I want to say, I feel for you Man. I dont think its really your smoking & growing herb that is bothering her, since you were together 5 years before you got married... Have you considered going to a counselor? Im no expert, but they can help you both determine what is the real problem and what you each may really want... good luck, and the coolest thing that I have ever heard is... "what you focus on grows" so what that means is concentrate your energy on something good and you will bring more good to yourself. Peace


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## Lt. Dan (Dec 20, 2010)

nubiebud said:


> Maybe she has been cheating on you and looking to get out?


 *LOL*
BINGO, We have a winner..... Going to school and being the hot older woman (Ohh!, I'm sorry, I was thinking about my *X*....)

The bad thing is,...... The *D word(divorce)* has been used, and it's hard to take that one back.


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## researchkitty (Dec 21, 2010)

On the next episode of 16, growin weed, and pregnant.................


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