# Why does God care if I masturbate?



## MidwesternGro (Apr 11, 2014)

Seriously. Is the guy sitting up on his cloud in heaven watching me masturbate and getting all pissed off? Is he like "Man, MidwesternGro is at it again. This is making me really mad! He knows he isn't supposed to do that!" Why does he watch me masturbate it if it pisses him off?

I love to masturbate. I find it very rewarding and I'm good at it. Hell, I wish it was an Olympic sport. All of you do it too, everybody does it! Why the heck would God care? It doesn't make sense. I would get a gold medal every time if we made it a sport. Hell, make it a team sport! We could jack each other off in circle jerks, every gay dude on earth would watch that. Think of all the advertising income. I would watch the women's masturbation team all day, and I would "practice" to it.

You could place me on a wheaties box with a huge erection and my gold medals hanging from it. Tell all your kids if they masturbate really hard they can be like me one day. I'd be the champion of that shit! Just my luck that the one thing I'm really good at is hated by God.

I can see why religion hates it. Think about it. At the end of masturbating you get a huge reward, it never disappoints. Now compare that with prayer. Doesn't even cum close, amiright? If prayer was rewarded with an orgasm I would do that instead of masturbating 2 or 3 times a day.

Everybody masturbates. Your mom and dad do it. Your kids do if they are old enough. Even grampa beats his dick! Why do we act like it is such a big deal? Welp later all, I'm off to masturbate.


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## charface (Apr 11, 2014)

He wants you to masturbate just dont swallow


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## guitarisgr8 (Apr 11, 2014)

God is not real so don't worry you can be a grade A champion wanker without any of the guilt...... and if I'm an absolute idiot and God actually does magically exist in his cloud mansion well then he is king of the voyeurs so he's in no position to judge us for spanking the monkey


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## cat of curiosity (Apr 11, 2014)

god doesn't care about anything we do. it's the devil, pretending to be god who tries to dictate our actions. no masturbation means more rape, pedophilia, animal fornication...

god said here's your home, have fun. the devil spins religion to his own gain.


'true post'

i actually read a comment similar to that bs up above yesterday. i'm catholic, and was taught that fapping was sapping (of the soul).

not sure if i believe that, but if masturbation is a sin, i'm 500% hellbound.


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## guitarisgr8 (Apr 11, 2014)

Looks like were all going to the molten hot semen pits of hell


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## MidwesternGro (Apr 11, 2014)

guitarisgr8 said:


> Looks like were all going to the molten hot semen pits of hell


It's a big deal to him. Forget about all those babies born with AIDS or the impoverished, God is preoccupied with what you do with your penis. He HATES that shit! If you rub your dick you are not good with God. He can't stand gay sex either, it's a big deal to him and it makes perfect sense. LOL!


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## guitarisgr8 (Apr 11, 2014)

MidwesternGro said:


> It's a big deal to him. Forget about all those babies born with AIDS or the impoverished, God is preoccupied with what you do with your penis. He HATES that shit! If you rub your dick you are not good with God. He can't stand gay sex either, it's a big deal to him and it makes perfect sense. LOL!


But can't I just rub one out and then pray for forgiveness?.... I'm not down with all the hip rules of this cult


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## Padawanbater2 (Apr 11, 2014)

Lol this is the greatest post on RIU


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## STLbudz (Apr 11, 2014)

Lmao ,cuzz supposudly its moraly wrong and its the devil breaking you ,with lust and adultry ,but hey im not judging you but i feel you man lol, but i.been masturbation free for months now ,it is hard but fck it , if YOU dont feel nothing wrong get yo medals man, smoke it up ,and whack it down hahahha

Sent from my N9810 using Rollitup mobile app


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## Dyna Ryda (Apr 11, 2014)

I wish I had more time to beat mydick but sleeping with 3 women takes all I got.


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## mmjmon (Apr 11, 2014)

No offense to anyone, but this is my belief. You don't have to agree or even read it. Hopefully this isn't against RIU rules either.

As per your question, if you think about it, you are paying homage to yourself, rather to him. Satan is ruling the earth at this time, as mentioned earlier, trying to distract us all from doing Jehovah's will. Someday the earth will be made perfect again, as will we, just as it was intended. "on earth as it is in heaven" If this were to not come to pass, that would mean that God lied. Knowing that his word is true, we can look forward to it.

That is just the beginning of it though. I will go on if you'd like, but I'm sure there'd be a lot of grumbling. Remember though, to celebrate the death of Jesus as he said to do at his last meal with his disciples. This year it will fall on Monday 4/14 after sunset. Why celebrate his death rather than his birth? Besides Jesus telling us to, this was his ransom sacrifice to his father for us all. 

Someday, you will understand.


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## guitarisgr8 (Apr 11, 2014)




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## april (Apr 11, 2014)

God doesn't care but my boyfriend gets really jealous...
Dude won't mastubate..I find it very odd. He actually said he's offended that I want to finish myself without him at times. ..this annoys me I need to diddle my skittle at times..it's my body lol


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## MidwesternGro (Apr 11, 2014)

april said:


> God doesn't care but my boyfriend gets really jealous...
> Dude won't mastubate..I find it very odd. He actually said he's offended that I want to finish myself without him at times. ..this annoys me I need to diddle my skittle at times..it's my body lol


How you doin'? I see we have something in common.


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## charface (Apr 11, 2014)

...........


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## Dyna Ryda (Apr 11, 2014)

I'd diddle your skittle for u


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## cat of curiosity (Apr 11, 2014)

guitarisgr8 said:


> But can't I just rub one out and then pray for forgiveness?.... I'm not down with all the hip rules of this cult


no. you have to go to a priest and confess.


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## charface (Apr 11, 2014)

I would jerk it if I had to listen to confession. I just know I would.


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## april (Apr 11, 2014)

Dyna Ryda said:


> I'd diddle your skittle for u


No , u can sit nicely and watch...I got this one


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## MidwesternGro (Apr 11, 2014)

I love watching the chimpanzees at the zoo.


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## Padawanbater2 (Apr 12, 2014)

april said:


> God doesn't care but my boyfriend gets really jealous...
> Dude won't mastubate..I find it very odd. He actually said he's offended that I want to finish myself without him at times. ..this annoys me I need to diddle my skittle at times..it's my body lol


Your boyfriend gets jealous of you pleasuring yourself? 

Man, that's too crazily perfect not to exploit. If I were you, any time he was around, I'd pretend to make out with my hand, I'd laugh when he's in the other room and pretend like my hand just told a funny joke if he came in asking what I was laughing about

That is the craziest shit I've ever heard


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## Nutes and Nugs (Apr 12, 2014)

Padawanbater2 said:


> Your boyfriend gets jealous of you pleasuring yourself?
> 
> Man, that's too crazily perfect not to exploit. If I were you, any time he was around, I'd pretend to make out with my hand, I'd laugh when he's in the other room and pretend like my hand just told a funny joke if he came in asking what I was laughing about
> 
> That is the craziest shit I've ever heard


Why do you hate your partner Pada?

Oh I know.
It's your hand.


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## killemsoftly (Apr 19, 2014)

MWG is a genuis.

The Judeo_Christian religions seem fixated on sex. Desert cultures have big issues with sex it seems. Must be a pop'n control thing or something. 

I fail to see how tallywacking is anyones business but the tallywacker. Long as he/she is not staring through my window I don't care. Oh, and flush roomate from hell. I do not wish to see/smell your tallywackers vomit.


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## Padawanbater2 (Apr 19, 2014)

Nutes and Nugs said:


> Why do you hate your partner Pada?
> 
> Oh I know.
> It's your hand.


Did you even put a second of thought into this post?


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## skunkd0c (Apr 19, 2014)

It could be worse
Jesus stole this guys foreskin


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## Morbid Angel (Apr 19, 2014)

the christian false god is a wanker, an abusive, horribly jealous, needy, greedy, nazi.


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## Morbid Angel (Apr 19, 2014)

kind of off topic but I love COSMOS. Here is the creationist version: CREATIONISM COSMOS

link

I can't seem to post the video, but it's hosted on I Fucking Love Science, so you know its good.


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## bomboclaat (Apr 21, 2014)

he doesn't because he doesn't excist. all hail the flying spaghetti monster


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## Skuxx (Apr 21, 2014)

bomboclaat said:


> all hail the flying spaghetti monster


Blessed be his glorious noodle appendages, Ramen


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## MidwesternGro (Apr 21, 2014)

.....


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## rory420420 (Apr 21, 2014)

chumming for sharks?


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## Padawanbater2 (Apr 24, 2014)

"Why does God care if I masturbate?"

[serious]

_God_ cares if you masturbate because _God_ want's to have complete control over you. Words, thoughts, desires, everything. Making you believe it's a sin to masturbate, and that if you do, you'll go to Hell, effectively ensures you won't deviate from the chosen path. Well, most won't, anyway... that's probably why the religious outnumber nonreligious


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## tyler.durden (Apr 24, 2014)

Guilt is a fantastic tool to gain control. The church is genius for taking something every single healthy mammal does and associating it with guilt. They do this with many things, but none is as ubiquitous an activity as masturbation...


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## beastbub (Apr 24, 2014)

god gave you a dick, god gavd you hands, now use em and enjoy 

Sent from my MI 2 using Rollitup mobile app


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## greasemonkeymann (Apr 24, 2014)

i'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this thread, as much as I hate to use internet acronyms, I damn near WAS laughing my f-in ass off


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## ghostdriver (Apr 24, 2014)

Seamen is your seed man gotta respect your body, masturbation is abusing it man and your ether watching porn people exploiting each other, these are people who have familys mother and fathers and wifes. or fantasizing about a women your not with both is chains of evil around your soul clouding your judgement and changing your life for the worse and changing the path you go down. Overcoming masturbation was the hardest thing I have ever done. And sex before marriage also a sin. sex before marriage makes single mothers or worse abortions.. research the kentucky meat incident GOD hates abortions. made it rain human infant flesh check my thread for more info about God


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## MonkeyChimp (Apr 25, 2014)

It's not a sin to wack off, no religious text says it's wrong to masturbate, not even the quran. 
Onan was killed for refusing to impregnate his brother's wife not masturbation.


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## Padawanbater2 (Apr 25, 2014)

ghostdriver said:


> Seamen is your seed man gotta respect your body, masturbation is abusing it man and your ether watching porn people exploiting each other, these are people who have familys mother and fathers and wifes. or fantasizing about a women your not with both is chains of evil around your soul clouding your judgement and changing your life for the worse and changing the path you go down. Overcoming masturbation was the hardest thing I have ever done. And sex before marriage also a sin. sex before marriage makes single mothers or worse abortions.. research the kentucky meat incident GOD hates abortions. made it rain human infant flesh check my thread for more info about God


Seriously... just... fuck.. wow..


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## ru4r34l (Apr 25, 2014)

ghostdriver said:


> Seamen is your seed man gotta respect your body, masturbation is abusing it man and your ether watching porn people exploiting each other, these are people who have familys mother and fathers and wifes. or fantasizing about a women your not with both is chains of evil around your soul clouding your judgement and changing your life for the worse and changing the path you go down. Overcoming masturbation was the hardest thing I have ever done. And sex before marriage also a sin. sex before marriage makes single mothers or worse abortions.. research the kentucky meat incident GOD hates abortions. made it rain human infant flesh check my thread for more info about God


Comedian in disguise...

regards,


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## canndo (Apr 25, 2014)

MidwesternGro said:


> Seriously. Is the guy sitting up on his cloud in heaven watching me masturbate and getting all pissed off? Is he like "Man, MidwesternGro is at it again. This is making me really mad! He knows he isn't supposed to do that!" Why does he watch me masturbate it if it pisses him off?
> 
> I love to masturbate. I find it very rewarding and I'm good at it. Hell, I wish it was an Olympic sport. All of you do it too, everybody does it! Why the heck would God care? It doesn't make sense. I would get a gold medal every time if we made it a sport. Hell, make it a team sport! We could jack each other off in circle jerks, every gay dude on earth would watch that. Think of all the advertising income. I would watch the women's masturbation team all day, and I would "practice" to it.
> 
> ...


 
I don't think you are that good at it.


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## MidwesternGro (Apr 25, 2014)

Are you calling me out? Do you want to have a contest?



canndo said:


> I don't think you are that good at it.


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## thepenofareadywriter (Apr 27, 2014)

mmjmon said:


> No offense to anyone, but this is my belief. You don't have to agree or even read it. Hopefully this isn't against RIU rules either.
> 
> As per your question, if you think about it, you are paying homage to yourself, rather to him. Satan is ruling the earth at this time, as mentioned earlier, trying to distract us all from doing Jehovah's will. Someday the earth will be made perfect again, as will we, just as it was intended. "on earth as it is in heaven" If this were to not come to pass, that would mean that God lied. Knowing that his word is true, we can look forward to it.
> 
> ...


understand this... I am... the almighty MASTERBAITER


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## ibob (Apr 27, 2014)

guitarisgr8 said:


> God is not real so don't worry you can be a grade A champion wanker without any of the guilt...... and if I'm an absolute idiot and God actually does magically exist in his cloud mansion well then he is king of the voyeurs so he's in no position to judge us for spanking the monkey


this is very false


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## guitarisgr8 (Apr 28, 2014)




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## rory420420 (May 1, 2014)

ibob said:


> this is very false


prove it


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 10, 2014)

God caring if you masturbate?I find it Laughable at best.Dose man care if he masturbates?Yes,.Can not one enjoy a good bate session without the guilt of a subjective authorithy figures disapproval?Absolutely.The senseless Guilt only serves to degrade the pleasure of our sexuality and self love.You can even masturbate without ejaculating and reap very healthy benefits from it.Just look up Tantric Masturbation techniques,that shits quite real and holy fuck one can have multiple non ejaculatory orgasms when soloing, it takes a bit of self control though, so practice is a must,but its the absolute best when you have a chick to practice the tantric techniques with.


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## auswolf (May 12, 2014)

Of course god hates it.
Take for example when my dog starts humping my carpet, I start screaming
"FUCK......YOU FUCKING DIRTY FUCK"
And yes I fucking hate it.........

When you like get to heaven gods going to be saying "Ahh lets see midwestergro 
you been blowing ya load all over my earth, and ya think your going to heaven??
Yeah right, like I want ya dropping your load all over heaven.......get the fuck out of here"


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## Padawanbater2 (May 12, 2014)

auswolf said:


> Of course god hates it.
> Take for example when my dog starts humping my carpet, I start screaming
> "FUCK......YOU FUCKING DIRTY FUCK"
> And yes I fucking hate it.........
> ...


What the fuck kind of Heaven wouldn't let you orgasm?


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## Skuxx (May 12, 2014)

auswolf said:


> Of course god hates it.
> Take for example when my dog starts humping my carpet, I start screaming
> "FUCK......YOU FUCKING DIRTY FUCK"
> And yes I fucking hate it.........
> ...


lmfao


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 13, 2014)

auswolf said:


> Of course god hates it.
> Take for example when my dog starts humping my carpet, I start screaming
> "FUCK......YOU FUCKING DIRTY FUCK"
> And yes I fucking hate it.........
> ...



So,,,,"God" hates it ? That sounds more like your opinion,IMHO.Just as it is also an opinion of mine that he really could care less.To each there own.


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## Romanito420 (May 31, 2014)

Jack away mate, gotta be free


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## ghostdriver (May 31, 2014)

Seamen is your seed man gotta respect your body, masturbation is abusing it man and your ether watching porn people exploiting each other, these are people who have familys mother and fathers and wifes. or fantasizing about a women your not with both is chains of evil around your soul clouding your judgement and changing your life for the worse and changing the path you go down. Overcoming masturbation was the hardest thing I have ever done. And sex before marriage also a sin. sex before marriage makes single mothers or worse abortions.. research the kentucky meat incident GOD hates abortions. made it rain human infant flesh check my thread for more info about God

-Post 36


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## Da Mann (May 31, 2014)

mmjmon said:


> No offense to anyone, but this is my belief. You don't have to agree or even read it. Hopefully this isn't against RIU rules either.
> 
> As per your question, if you think about it, you are paying homage to yourself, rather to him. Satan is ruling the earth at this time, as mentioned earlier, trying to distract us all from doing Jehovah's will. Someday the earth will be made perfect again, as will we, just as it was intended. "on earth as it is in heaven" If this were to not come to pass, that would mean that God lied. Knowing that his word is true, we can look forward to it.
> 
> ...


A JW on a Pot Growing Forum. Sounds like a typical JW to me.I can hook you up with something that will fix you.


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## tyler.durden (May 31, 2014)

ghostdriver said:


> Seamen is your seed man gotta respect your body, masturbation is abusing it man and your ether watching porn people exploiting each other, these are people who have familys mother and fathers and wifes. or fantasizing about a women your not with both is chains of evil around your soul clouding your judgement and changing your life for the worse and changing the path you go down. Overcoming masturbation was the hardest thing I have ever done. And sex before marriage also a sin. sex before marriage makes single mothers or worse abortions.. research the kentucky meat incident GOD hates abortions. made it rain human infant flesh check my thread for more info about God
> 
> -Post 36


No wonder you're so manic and irrational, your invisible friend won't even let you bust a nut regularly. All mammals masturbate, I wonder why god made them that way if he detests it so much. That seems retarded of him. The Bible no where specifically forbids or denounces masturbation. If one were to masturbate thinking only of one's spouse, the bible would be fine with it. The bible does, of course, denounce all forms of sexual impurity and fantasies that would involve adulterous relationships whether actual or mental. And that's where some of the genius lies, in the concept of thought crimes. Even back then they must have know that we cannot choose what we think from moment to moment, so they attached guilt to that process. Brilliant, really, making people feel guilty for what is not in their control. That way they can affect everyone who buys into the joke. Scientific studies show how healthy masturbation is for your physical body, your emotional state, and how it is a deterrent toward rape and violence. It always amuses me that christians tend to enjoy the fruits of modern technology and science in their everyday lives, yet choose their philosophical and spiritual beliefs from a bronze age book. Why not live the other parts of your life this way? Leeches instead of antibiotics, hammer and chisel striking stone instead of typing on your laptops, donkeys and carts in favor of cars. No? Why? Because things from the Bronze Age SUCK! That's why. Hypocrites...


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## Da Mann (May 31, 2014)

I keep hearing in this thread it is not in the Bible. It is. I have read it. I am not a Bible Thumper so I can not say go to John.....But it is there. Talks about wasting your seed and spilling it on the ground. I believe it was in the old Mosaic Law.


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## tyler.durden (May 31, 2014)

Da Mann said:


> I keep hearing in this thread it is not in the Bible. It is. I have read it. I am not a Bible Thumper so I can not say go to John.....But it is there. Talks about wasting your seed and spilling it on the ground. I believe it was in the old Mosaic Law.


Bible.org disagrees with you - https://bible.org/question/does-bible-say-masturbation-sin

Someone will have to post that bit of scripture to prove your point...


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## Romanito420 (May 31, 2014)

why is the bible such a big deal to everyone on this site? My god.


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## ghostdriver (May 31, 2014)

18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
- Corinthians 
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
- Matthew


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## Romanito420 (May 31, 2014)




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## Romanito420 (May 31, 2014)

It's rule made up by man. Don't listen to the bs rumor about God hating you.

We are men, *99% of men in the world masturbate.* Even the preachers, gurus, ministers, rabbi's, and yes even the pope. It's natural, that's right ladies!!


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## ghostdriver (May 31, 2014)

No I stopped don't listen to lies by mankind, listen to GOD.


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## Romanito420 (May 31, 2014)

don't listen to this guy ^^^ he's an idiot


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