# Dying alone..



## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


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## Ringsixty (May 19, 2012)

yep think about it sometimes.
nah...no need to dick.
just kick back


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

I don't know.. like my sister I haven't seen in years told me I was gonna die alone.. a couple of my exes too. I've been kicked out of a friends place before since I was a dick.. now I have my own place, but it's empty. It sucks.


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## Matthew Rapley (May 19, 2012)

Nothing wrong with dieing alone, I'd rather do it that way than die with people watching me.
Hopefully my death will be at a time of my choosing.


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## Carne Seca (May 19, 2012)

I'm definitely going to die alone. No ifs ands or buts about it.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

Matthew Rapley said:


> Nothing wrong with dieing alone, I'd rather do it that way than die with people watching me.
> Hopefully my death will be at a time of my choosing.


You talking suicide? I was thinking of commitibg suicide, not sure though. I mean I'm only 18 so I feel like I can change somebody's life for the better good.. But I'm not sure if livin g every single day is worth it. I'm not talking about dying alone the moment you die btw.. I guess I meant to say I'm afraid of living alone until the day I die.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

Carne Seca said:


> I'm definitely going to die alone. No ifs ands or buts about it.


Awww but carne.. that's sad brother. As one human to another human, we both share the same emotions since we're human, I love you .


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## cannofbliss (May 19, 2012)

come on heph... u smarter than that to even consider ending your life there bud...


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## cannofbliss (May 19, 2012)

dont buy into the "relationship" propaganda thats out there like on lifetime and hallmark channel and other "shit"... 

its all a load of dook... and for that matter EVERY single one of your ancestors WON... 

not one of them failed to procreate... and here you are the INCREDIBLE and astounding FACT that over millions and millions of years... here you are today one of the few biological organisms that get to experience this thing called "life"... 

so you can either choose to dwell on the millions of years of "evolutionary traits of what is now flowing through your chemical body" i.e. (the need to procreate... 

or you can go out and "get it done" if you know what i mean...  

and heck even if you do "die alone"... you will have at least done what all of your ancestors have done and continued our existence here on this planet for at least one more generation... that in itself should be plenty satisfying... and who knows you may not ever have to die alone in that case either...


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## Chief Walkin Eagle (May 19, 2012)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LanCLS_hIo4


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## RyanTheRhino (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> You talking suicide? I was thinking of commitibg suicide, not sure though. I mean I'm only 18 so I feel like I can change somebody's life for the better good.. But I'm not sure if livin g every single day is worth it. I'm not talking about dying alone the moment you die btw.. I guess I meant to say I'm afraid of living alone until the day I die.



dude you need to lay off the shrooms for a bit it makes some people paranoid & self loathing . I stopped taking psychedelics when every time i looked into a mirror all my skeletons would fly out, even things i had already overcome. Find a hobby you enjoy and keep at it in time you will come across people with the same interest and new friends will be made. If someone is making you feel bad just ignore it. I have fucked up before & at the end of the day im still here. You don't need weed or drugs to be happy they can make free time more enjoyable but it shouldn't be your source of happiness. Taking pride in all the small thing you do is a good way to get out of this kind of slump. Try to paint or learn new skills and be happy with your attempts even if its not the best. Just tell your self that you are now better then when you started. 

Be happy and you will meet other happy people. When surrounded with happiness it will only grow in yourself. Unfortunately the same thing happens in reverse if you surround yourself with people who hate life.


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## Dizzle Frost (May 19, 2012)

i think everybody thinks that at least twice or five times

i guess it boils down to your version of alone


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## RyanTheRhino (May 19, 2012)

Dizzle Frost said:


> i think everybody thinks that at least twice or five times
> 
> i guess it boils down to your version of alone



Depends on what alone means to you and why its important. Some people go off the grid to be alone the rest of their life. If you die doing what you enjoy does it really matter what the meaning of a single word is.

When I am alone with free time I end up hyper focused on random things. I research the shit out of it until i know it, do it, accomplish it & then move on to the next thing that wanders across my path. But i guess you mean socially


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## 420greendream (May 19, 2012)

dont do it man. some people say life is a game but its more of a turn, in the end u either freeze or you burn, only 1 chance to live and learn.


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## darkdestruction420 (May 19, 2012)

think of the positive things in life. if you feel you need to change every few hours self reflect on how you are acting and adjust accordingly. no one is perfect and we're all dicks at times.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

cannofbliss said:


> dont buy into the "relationship" propaganda thats out there like on lifetime and hallmark channel and other "shit"...
> 
> its all a load of dook... and for that matter EVERY single one of your ancestors WON...
> 
> ...


True that.. I know my life is amazing and I'm greatful for my ancestors so I've been trying to appreciate it.. but god dammit I look to the left and there's nobody there.. I look to the right and what do you know? there's a giant rabbit.. nah jk there's nobody there. But dude, "get it done" is probably the best advice you could give me.. I really want a little heph running around so that I can show him/her the beauty of life. A kid would give my life so much meaning. But shit bro I'm only 18 and financialy in a hold, I don't love any girl enough for her to be the mother of my kid. Dude I'm weird, what kind of 18 year old wants a kid? lol. I don't wanna fail my ancestors ha. I guess I should try out a few ms.hephs.. but all the girls of my generation are just a bunch of sluts.. like seriously, I can't find a decent girl. I'm tired of hoes trying to get into your pants.. There has to be a girl that hasn't slept with all my friends ha. 

Thanks ancestors.


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## RyanTheRhino (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> True that.. I know my life is amazing and I'm greatful for my ancestors so I've been trying to appreciate it.. but god dammit I look to the left and there's nobody there.. I look to the right and what do you know? there's a giant rabbit.. nah jk there's nobody there. But dude, "get it done" is probably the best advice you could give me.. I really want a little heph running around so that I can show him/her the beauty of life. A kid would give my life so much meaning. But shit bro I'm only 18 and financialy in a hold, I don't love any girl enough for her to be the mother of my kid. Dude I'm weird, what kind of 18 year old wants a kid? lol. I don't wanna fail my ancestors ha. I guess I should try out a few ms.hephs.. but all the girls of my generation are just a bunch of sluts.. like seriously, I can't find a decent girl. I'm tired of hoes trying to get into your pants.. There has to be a girl that hasn't slept with all my friends ha.
> 
> Thanks ancestors.



Well take that as a sign you like nurturing things. Go out and lanscape your yard and grow vegtables. Watch it flourish and know its because you are caring for it. Plus it will raise the value of your household


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

RyanTheRhino said:


> Depends on what alone means to you and why its important. Some people go off the grid to be alone the rest of their life. If you die doing what you enjoy does it really matter what the meaning of a single word is.
> 
> When I am alone with free time I end up hyper focused on random things. I research the shit out of it until i know it, do it, accomplish it & then move on to the next thing that wanders across my path. But i guess you mean socially


Not even socially though.. well kinda socially. But I just feel alone and like a small spec in a giant dark world (not trying to sound emo).. kinda like this guy . I'm really bored with everything even my once loved hobbies. Don't you ever feel like ol rag doll there? Hmmm I guess I do have my dog. He won't leave me ha.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

420greendream said:


> dont do it man. some people say life is a game but its more of a turn, in the end u either freeze or you burn, only 1 chance to live and learn.


LOL I don't need to be talked down bud . This isn't a suicide thread. I'm just being honest with you guys. The thought of suicidal thouoghts has passed my mind billions of times. I hate it, I try not to dwell on them but it's kinda hard.


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## RyanTheRhino (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> LOL I don't need to be talked down bud . This isn't a suicide thread. I'm just being honest with you guys. The thought of suicidal thouoghts has passed my mind billions of times. I hate it, I try not to dwell on them but it's kinda hard.


Dude I have had that thought before too so i know what you are talking about. I dont know if it was because i got stabbed or that i changed my lifestyle since i did them at the same time,but ever since then i have never been happier. What i used to call alone is now peaceful solitude.


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## throwdo (May 19, 2012)

alone is a growers lot


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## cannofbliss (May 19, 2012)

or whenever youre feeling down... you could always just chew on a handful of coca leaves...


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

lol.. fuck it guys. I'm just gonna keep trying to find a pretty cool girl so that my juices can cook in her oven and make a mini-me. That's all a man can really ask for. Well not really, but shit that's all I would need. I'm gonna make a song now.. I'm gonna name it the world is a bitch that sucks balls. .


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## EROsain (May 19, 2012)

for the last 5 years of my life i have been planing on dieing alone, but i like to remain open minded cuz maybe there is people i haven't met that might change my out look, but for now am more than 100% am better off a lone , but am a dick only when there is money involved or some thing , am usually very passive . so i don't think that being a dick makes you alone i know some dushbags that people just love


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

Maybe the world isn't that bad, but the people sure as hell are. It would be cool to make somebody happier than me. It would make the world a better place, just a little..but still. It would just suck to remember thinking these slightly positive thoughts as I'm dying with nobody to carry on my ancestors line of blood.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

EROsain said:


> for the last 5 years of my life i have been planing on dieing alone, but i like to remain open minded cuz maybe there is people i haven't met that might change my out look, but for now am more than 100% am better off a lone , but am a dick only when there is money involved or some thing , am usually very passive . so i don't think that being a dick makes you alone i know some dushbags that people just love


For real right? Like a couple of my friends will tell their girls stuff like "put that fucking shit down" and I'm just like O_O while thinking in the back of my head I would be a much better father/boyfriend than he could ever be.. yet I'm still alone ha. The fucked up irony. Good guys do indeed finish last, so it kinda sucks that you have to play the game of life by being a dick. Oh there I go with my stupid mentality. babble babble .. I love my bong and dog.. there's some positive thinking.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

EROsain said:


> for the last 5 years of my life i have been planing on dieing alone, but i like to remain open minded cuz maybe there is people i haven't met that might change my out look, but for now am more than 100% am better off a lone , but am a dick only when there is money involved or some thing , am usually very passive . so i don't think that being a dick makes you alone i know some dushbags that people just love


Why do you think you're better off alone? Don't you kinda want to grow old with somebody.. or have a homeboy.. or something?


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## RyanTheRhino (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Maybe the world isn't that bad, but the people sure as hell are. It would be cool to make somebody happier than me. It would make the world a better place, just a little..but still. It would just suck to remember thinking these slightly positive thoughts as I'm dying with nobody to carry on my ancestors line of blood.


Yea at 18 lol


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## cannofbliss (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> lol.. fuck it guys. I'm just gonna keep trying to find a pretty cool girl so that my juices can cook in her oven and make a mini-me. That's all a man can really ask for. Well not really, but shit that's all I would need. I'm gonna make a song now.. I'm gonna name it the world is a bitch that sucks balls. .



good for you heph... 

see i told you that was really the issue as to why you even started the thread in the first place...

just make sure you dont get married... and or if you insist on marriage then... have a "pre-nup" where she wont leave you destitute incase she decides to go all batshit crazy and or... where... you had mistakenly been blinded by "love" and where your eyes had never been open to realise how batshit crazy she was in the first place and also what a terrible person she is... 

that way "just incase" it wont be as bad for you...


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

RyanTheRhino said:


> Yea at 18 lol


What stops my negative thinking is the fact that I'm 18.. I mean shit, people are like 40 and they run, grow, smoke, and have fun all the time. I'm like almost half-way up the hill so it would be pretty weak of me to give up now. Sometimes I think the world CAN'T be so fucked up that I would die alone, but the world never fails to surprise me. Nah, it isn't bad.. we have pot.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

cannofbliss said:


> good for you heph...
> 
> see i told you that was really the issue as to why you even started the thread in the first place...
> 
> ...


Oh I don't trust people anymore.. hell no I'm not gonna get married without a pre-nup. I just wonder how I'm gonna bring that up lol.


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## EROsain (May 19, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Why do you think you're better off alone? Don't you kinda want to grow old with somebody.. or have a homeboy.. or something?


am one of those idiots who got betrayed ..... badly , looked like an idiot 3 times diff people. i can't look at people the same i can always tell when am getting Bsed problem is i can't turn it off . am always over thinking every thing every one does. nothing is simple any more . But i don't feel sad like most people say they are when alone. i like it . never have to answer to any one , never have to share preferences or lie to people to protect them i can actually always tell the truth all the time . when it first started i thought ad eventually get over it but nope i still feel confotable this way  ,


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *Stop being such a bitch ass emo. *


lol I'm not a emo. oh shit there's a mosquito in my house. No wonder I've been itchy. sneaky little bastard. Oh as for you uppity bitch, shut the fuck up .


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## EROsain (May 19, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *Stop being such a bitch ass emo. *


i don't think its about being Emo , i talk to people every day, am nice most of the time . ad just rather go home to no one


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## EROsain (May 19, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *&#8203;"Lie to protect them" there is your problem right there. Stop being a phony*


that's what i did, i stopped i used to be the biggest phony now i don't feel the need


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

EROsain said:


> am one of those idiots who got betrayed ..... badly , looked like an idiot 3 times diff people. i can't look at people the same i can always tell when am getting Bsed problem is i can't turn it off . am always over thinking every thing every one does. nothing is simple any more . But i don't feel sad like most people say they are when alone. i like it . never have to answer to any one , never have to share preferences or lie to people to protect them i can actually always tell the truth all the time . when it first started i thought ad eventually get over it but nope i still feel confotable this way  ,


Yeah I have trust issues with people too. Fuck I had a homeboy once and he set me up to get jumped and jacked. I only had 12 grams on me so that was pretty cool. I also got away with sneaking 200 dollars by pushing it through a little whole in my pocket when they told me to empty them. Now I feel like if I get in contact with anybody he knew (which were my friends) I will get jumped. So fuck them all, but that leaves me alone. I guess being alone is better than hanging out with snakey people though.. by a long shot. But did you see double jj's pics in the picture of yourself thread? He has a big family (some of those people were probably his friends too) and that looks like a dream to me. There's gotta be some real people out there who want the same as me. For now though, I guess it's good that I'm alone A.K.A safe.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 19, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *Reread everything you posted in this thread..... you're an emo.*


rigghhhhttt.. How about you shut the fuck up like I told you?


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## cannofbliss (May 19, 2012)

i personally think heph is more emu than emo...


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## Hepheastus420 (May 20, 2012)

cannofbliss said:


> i personally think heph is more emu than emo...


So don't be talking shit upitty bitch..


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## Hepheastus420 (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *Well good luck in finding a girl all your friends haven't already fucked.*


ummm thanks I guess.. Is that you in your avatar? Isn't that how dumbass emo people look like?


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## cannofbliss (May 20, 2012)

yes... careful heph... trolls love food... but we give them more emu... it is their natural enemy...


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## Hepheastus420 (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *&#8203;I'm just stating the fact that you're an emo fag. When you realize this you'll be a little happier*


lol now I'm a fag? would that even matter? I like gay people.. like carne is gay and he's awesome. And even if it's emo, everything I said is true. Your font size alone makes you a rather annoying troll.. Somebody's going on the ignore list .


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## EROsain (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *Well good luck in finding a girl all your friends haven't already fucked.*


i d k who you are but your too main stream in your thinking bro, there is a god chance that you will make it through life just fine, but if something relatively Real happens to you you will see, right now i know you may think you know what sux , loosing your job, or getting dumped i d k . and after i post this you might come up with some Bs shit that happened to you but , your an easy tell cuz of the way you think


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## Hepheastus420 (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *&#8203;bunch of cocks*


Go be a cock whore somewhere else.


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## cannofbliss (May 20, 2012)

i am your worst nightmare...


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## j.GrEeN.<,{'^'},> (May 20, 2012)

Why, as the world spins, do I stand?





Still as the leaves, when there is no wind,
Why does it hurt so much?
When everything you believe in, feels right,
Why am I falling?
When everything around me is rising with the sun,
Why look for pain?
When there is none,
Is heaven a place on Earth?
Or does it come from the heart,
Every breath I take, is another fire, burning up inside,
I know that sometimes the truth hurts, but dont ever let it slide.
Am I the only one, who takes pride in the little things?
The colour of the sky at dawn,
The feeling, knowing youve got something to give,
Even though they spit in your fire,
The freedom to run the waves, whenever the time is right,
The joy, of taking pride in who you are,
Even though they try and scar,
The flame of the candle, dancing in the window pane,
You are fulfilled; you have nothing more to gain.
Is there another part of me?
A part I do not know,
Whatever the future holds, I cannot tell yet,
But I can now see the glow,
A shimmer of light,
A glimmer of hope,
In everything I do.
Feel every moment you live,
For you do not know,
When the sun will stop rising,
Become who you were born to be,
For everyone is here for a reason,
Discover the meaning of life,
You will know when youve found it,
The warm heart, and sound of tiny toes,
Pitt-pattering on the floor,
The sound of giggling and laughter,
Where there was none before.
Feel love, when you give,
Not only when you get,
I ask for one thing,
Dont leave this world yet,
You have many more things to discover,
The light is upon you,
And remember
Youre never alone. --- S. Perkin

*______________________________________________*

*As I close my eyes* 
*I feel nothing*
*As I breathe in deep *
*I still feel nothing*
*As I sit alone*

*That's what I feel alone*

*My Eyes are closed*
*My Breathing deep *
*And my body still*
*And I feel alone*
*Or am I*

*Do I still feel alone*

*That tingling on my cheek*
*The itch on my scalp*
*The raising of my hair*
*The cold breeze around me*
*And the touch on my hand*

*Am I alone...*

*I feel the light come towards me*
*I hear the voices in my head*
*I still my mind *
*And expand my self*
*And see the world*

*I am no longer alone*

*I walk the paths of light*
*I sing with the Angels*
*The Devils join in too*
*I can never be alone*
*For you are there too*

*I am never alone*

*We walk in the garden of Eden*
*We sit 'neath the great colossus*
*We fish in sacred waters of life*
*And we talk of the mysteries*
*Like old friends, and sometimes lovers*

*We are together, together we.*

*My old friend is here*
*A guide, A guardian*
*A teacher, A healer*
*A person I trust*

*So when you sit alone and feel nothing, *
*Know that youre never alone*
*It just takes time*
*For the spirit is with you*
*Have faith *
*And walk in the light*
*Be with your darkness*
*And fear not the fight*
*For the spirits of your path*
*Will never see you wrong*
*For it is only when we think*
*That that feeling goes wrong*
*A medium you are*
*A psychic for all to see*
*Let others mock you*
*Let others deny you*
*Let others ignore you*
*For you shall see*
*The truth is always in me.*
*Put the test to yourself*
*Have faith in your words*
*If you know the truth*
*Then the heart is clean*
*Don't deny yourself*
*Don't let others dissuade you*
*Follow what is truth*
*For of it comes from spirit*
*It is the truth*
*Never alone shall you be*
*Sit with spirit *
*And you shall see*

*For never alone shall we ever be.*
*And may love and light*
*Always be with thee. *--- D. Watts


____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I desire so to conduct affairs, that if at the end... I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me. --- A. Lincoln


​​


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## RyanTheRhino (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *&#8203;bunch of cocks*


*wordz you talk like this in real life because no one cares enough to listen.*


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## Carne Seca (May 20, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Awww but carne.. that's sad brother. As one human to another human, we both share the same emotions since we're human, I love you .


awww.. I love you too. 

It's Hell being a gay Mormon. It's either live a celibate life or leave the church. I made my choice. Now I have to live with it. Such is life.


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## Grampa (May 20, 2012)

the key to a good life is to be good to the people around you. Thats all you have to do to be happy. Surround yourself with a few good people and treat them well.


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## Doer (May 20, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> LOL I don't need to be talked down bud . This isn't a suicide thread. I'm just being honest with you guys. The thought of suicidal thouoghts has passed my mind billions of times. I hate it, I try not to dwell on them but it's kinda hard.


If you can still ask yourself, why should you end yourself, then you don't need an answer.  On the other hand, I been through the dim corridors induced clinic depression. Self harm is the big risk. So, thoughts passing is one thing, but Intrusive Ideation, is a big flashing WARNING.

If we find ourself fantasizing, for example, about that Oak tree or bridge abutment and our airbags, what kind of run up distance, total velocity necessary, etc, Seek Professional Help. You may have a brain tumor or something. Our survival instincts are supposed to totally negate Intrusive Ideation.


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## lokie (May 20, 2012)

I believe when my turn comes I will be alone. 

I do not allow many friends. so by default i have very few to none I call close.

Family all live far away If i see them 1 time a year that's a good year.

So I believe I will be alone when my turn comes.


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## ThE sAtIvA hIgH (May 20, 2012)

hey heph , dont go topping yourself , the great thing about life is we dont know whats around the corner , imo you get one life that is meaningless and gone once its over , you might aswell sit it out and laugh about it when things get shitty , theres allways someone worse off than you , i used to think about things like you , now i just let life roll on , its pointless worrying about anything , i never worry about anything except the welfare of my daughter , everything else means nothing to me , the only thing i dont like about death is that i wont be around to protect my daughter , but then i wont know anything about it so why worry about it .worrying about shit aint gonna help anything when im dead , so i might awsell live my life not giving a fuck about it .


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## ThE sAtIvA hIgH (May 20, 2012)

uppitybitch said:


> *So I'm wordz and nuglets? You mods don't have a damn clue about anything. *


go away you horse faced troll


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## H R Puff N Stuff (May 20, 2012)

why are you talking about dieing your only 18 ,your voice barley changed you got a long ways to go yet and the first step is realizing more than one person is saying to chill, everyone eventually finds someone make sure the dickish side of you has chilled before then. oh and this is your world we are just characters in it you have more control over how you see the world than you think. garbage in garbage out.


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## Zaehet Strife (May 20, 2012)

Everyone dies alone, but i think you mean this in terms of having someone there holding your hand or giving you support while you take your last few breaths before you close your eyes forever. This is totally understandable, and i think it is up to the individual to decide on what is going to make them happiest. Personally, it doesn't matter to me weather or not i am going to have someone there when i die, if i get to choose when i die, which may not be the case. I think that when i am ready to stop playing this "game" i will make the decision to end my life if i find that i have nothing left to live for. I fear old age more than i fear death. The older i get, the slower i heal, the less i can do physically, the less likely i will be able to think clearly, less people that i care about will be alive, the less meaningful existence will be for me. If and when i decide to cease to exist, if there are others alive that i still love i will talk to them about it, and if the pain of my departer would be too great, i wouldn't be able to end my life until theirs had ended. The reason for this is because of my empathy.

I love life too much right now, i love learning, video games, sex, food, cannabis, cubensis mushrooms, running, playing, swimming... the list goes on and on. I am having way too much fun for me to end it now, but i know that there will come a day far off into the future when i will get tired of life... and i don't think there is anything wrong with that. 

In this day and age dude, with the technology available, being of the human species and living in america... theres just too much to do. Boredom shouldn't be in anyones vocabulary this day and age. If you are 80, all your friends are gone, you are in pain (mentally, physically) i can understand suicide. But not being 18, not being 26 (me) there is just too much damn fun to be had! And don't waste your youth away while you have it, spend every moment doing what you wanna fuckin do, you only get this one shot man, this one chance and its all gone. Make it worth it, be responsible for yourself, treat others with kindness and respect (if they show you the same in return) live life compassionately and to the fullest. 

Like Richard Dawkins says, the chances of us being alive right now are so god damned astronomically small that we as individuals are the luckiest beings in existence. Yea i switched the words around, but you get the message. 

I live in the middle northern part of the states, my dream (as meaningless as it may seem for others) is to ride my bicyle to Cali and learn how to surf. Thats what im saving up for, i just wished i would have figured all of this shit out before i hit 25 so i could have gotten a head start fallowing my dreams. Don't wait man, whatever you do, don't wait, and don't waste your time.


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## drolove (May 20, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


same boat as you man. we gotta fix our shit or we might! good luck with the fight


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## Matthew Rapley (May 21, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Let me ask you guys this, when you were 25 did you ever think of suicide as a good way to leave?


Yes, but that was 30 years ago and I ain't left yet.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 21, 2012)

Matthew Rapley said:


> Yes, but that was 30 years ago and I ain't left yet.


Now I'm not trying to get you to off yourself, but what is the reason you decided to live?


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## EROsain (May 21, 2012)

wait when did die alone switch to killing your self ,


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## Hepheastus420 (May 21, 2012)

EROsain said:


> wait when did die alone switch to killing your self ,


lol.. I was just thinking to myself. So I decided to see if older people are suicidal like me. Another question. If you were depressed in your youth, do you feel happier now?


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## Serial Violator (May 21, 2012)

From the age of 13 to 20 my life was fucked I was going through shit that fucked my head up and still does a bit . I never thought I could be as happy as I am now. II've just turned 30 and 2 years ago met someone that changed my life for the better, up until I met this person I had never loved someone in that way and never thought I was going to and now i have never been so happy. So things do get better


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## Hepheastus420 (May 21, 2012)

Serial Violator said:


> From the age of 13 to 20 my life was fucked I was going through shit that fucked my head up and still does a bit . I never thought I could be as happy as I am now. II've just turned 30 and 2 years ago met someone that changed my life for the better, up until I met this person I had never loved someone in that way and never thought I was going to and now i have never been so happy. So things do get better


That's great dude. I'm happy for you. I need a cool girl.. where do you find those at?


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## Serial Violator (May 21, 2012)

iPhone app lol


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## EROsain (May 21, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> lol.. I was just thinking to myself. So I decided to see if older people are suicidal like me. Another question. If you were depressed in your youth, do you feel happier now?


 lol well am 23 i think thats still young , and ive been like this for 6 years , i know am young to a lot of people and thats why i said i keep an open mind . but i liv every day knowing the fact that am young might not count for anything when it comes to how long i have .


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## Gamer621 (May 21, 2012)

Seems to me you need to stop being a Dick. That, or accept everyone hates you. But don't fucking whine about the consequences of how you treat others.


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## EROsain (May 21, 2012)

hehe , like for example Heph i choose the second option, and its better than a lot of ppl think


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## Zaehet Strife (May 21, 2012)

Well here goes, im 26 years old and i live in the northern part of the US. I grew up never knowing my real father, i met him when i turned 16 and will most likely never hear from him again. At first this concept confused me, i wondered... why is it that my own father didnt want me around? The older i got, the easier it became to understand how humans work, and how their minds operate. It had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him. It wasn't my fault but his own fault. When i was 3 or 4 i was adopted by my step father, though i still have my real mother. He is what you would say, a hardcore christian. I was indoctrinated with stories of god from the early age of 4, until i became old enough to start asking questions. When no one could provide me with the answers to the questions i had, and all that was returned to me was anger and resentment, i caught on to the mystical and fantastical bullshit. Though at that time, i just couldn't understand why these adults lied to themselves so easily. (This is another reason why i wonder so much why i am me, and what makes me feel the way i feel) When i was younger, if i did something wrong, or if i told a lie, i wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. So every night before i went to bed, if i was dishonest about something... i would cry, and cry... until i went and got my mom, and told her exactly what was wrong, and FINALLY i would be able to sleep. I wondered how all of these humans could lie so easily and still be able to sleep at night... and as i got older, i began to understand... that the lies they tell themselves actually help THEM sleep at night. This notion made me sick, the realization of this made me feel so alone in the world, confused about why my mind refuses to let me sleep if im dishonest, and the dishonesty helps these fools rest so easily. I found out sooner than later, that fear is what motivates people to act in this way. And after careful inspection and reflection, i realized that fear comes from ignorance, fear comes from not knowing, not knowing whats going on, not knowing whats going to happen, not knowing if im going to get hurt or not etc. etc. For some reason i wasn't afraid, i wasn't afraid to live a life without answers to my most pertinent questions. I began to feast my brain upon science, which to me this is the closest as i am ever going to get to figuring out what is the closest approximation to the truth i can get. Honesty with myself is all that i cherish, all that i want, and with science... i could be completely honest with myself about what i know, and what i don't know. 

I guess the reason why i "attack" religion/spirituality/mysticism/theology/metaphysics, is because it sickens me, it disgusts me down to my very being that so many people feel so good about being so dishonest with themselves. Maybe im just jealous, i bet if i could do it i would... but i cant. Like, i don't see anything wrong at all if you tell me that you think the idea of spirituality is cool, so your gonna live by those standards... its when someone claims certainty in the absence of it, and vigorously lie to themselves so much that they actually start to believe it. The thing about this is, that when people actually believe the lies that they tell themselves, i think a part of their subconscious knows this, and it is this that drives them to talk others into believing their lie... because the more others believe in their lie, the easier it is for them to believe it too.

My christian step father and my mother got a divorce when i turned 15, this was extremely hard on me. At this point i completely dislike my father, i can finally see through his hypocritical ways, as he hides behind religion in order to justify his homophobic, racist, and selfish ways. I was forced by the courts to stay with him, but when i turned 17 i said i don't give a fuck, ill run away, im not going to stay at that place anymore. So i moved in with my mom, at this point in time in my life i was pretty depressed. I had just recently been in a very bad car accident, i broke 7 ribs, my collarbone, a vertibrea in my neck, and punctured both of my lungs. It was extremely difficult for me because im the type of person who is always outside playing around, and i had to go through physical therapy and walk with a cane for a while. It was during this time that the realization of the absurdity of existence hit me really hard, but i didn't even know that THAT was the cause of my depression at the time. It wasn't until i turned 25 that i realized what was actually happening to me. I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol after that, started with cannabis and tried every drug i could find, searching for nothing but pleasure and fun in a time of my life where nothing else mattered but having a good time, anything that would get me away from thinking about the absurd, from thinking about my depression. (Pretty much how i feel right now lol, except i am much more responsible, honest and empathetic towards others, (which fills me with happiness) and i accept absurdity with compassion rather than running away in fear) I had this girlfriend, her mom had a prescription to oxycontin, long story short i started booting it up, and started using heroin. I had gotten put on probation for cannabis, and i had moved out of my moms and had been living with different friends about 9 months after my accident... so this was right before i turned 18. I had a good job helping mentally handicapped adults and cleaning a house working 3rd shift. Well my mother had found out i had been shooting up, she thought i was going to die, she worked for the courthouse and cityhall and she knew that it was a probation violation to move, and not notify your probation officer of the new address... quite the loophole wouldn't you agree?

Needless to say, i spent the next two weeks in jail... and from there i took a plane directly to mississippi, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. It was a 20,000 dollar fuckin 4 month rehab program. Good thing my step father has some serious cash or else id probably be dead with a needle in my arm by now, either way, that was quite the experience. I hated it there, and i hated even more the twelve step program and how it had to do with god, fuck that shit, maybe those psychological weaklings need that shit but not me i said. I used this time in isolation, talking to myself, getting to know myself, asking myself questions i had been hiding from for so long. I began to understand, but not fully, the reasons behind my drug use and how i used them to hide from facing myself...and the absurdity. This was a great time of transformation in my life, but really it was just the stepping stone to getting me where i am today. The biggest transformation that occurred in rehab was the promise to myself that i would never again lie to myself, nor would i lie to anyone else (unless i came up with a really good justification, like say i ate some food at a restaurant i was working at and i would have gotten fired if i had admitted to it, that kinda shiz) Honesty with myself, became my life's ultimate goal.

I left rehab and immediately began smoking cannabis again, and vowed to never touch another drug. Which lasted for a while, but not for too long lol. A few months after i moved back in with my mother, she decided she was moving to ohio with my little brother (i have two brothers, my older brother is 29 and he is a sociopath, my little brother is 20 and he is my other half, my best friend) so i moved into an apartment with my best friend at the time. It was nothing but party central, different chicks every night, gettin fuckin hammered playin guitar hero, switching chicks with my friend and talking about how it was. Just pure crazyness, alcohol, women, sex, women, cannabis, women.. pretty much how it went for about a year or so. One night my friend and i had taken some zanax, and i decided to drive to the store, about a half a block away from the apartment i got into a wreck, and was taken to jail, pissed dirty, and spent a good 5 months there... When i got out i moved back in with my buddy, and things were very different then. No more parties, no more chicks, just pretty much workin, saving money, playing video games, and smokin pot...

I'm going to end this story right here, even though there is much more to say, and so many experiences left out that got me to the point i am at today. Don't forget man, there are people out there that have it SO MUCH worse off than we do. We worry about being happy, about girlfriends, about going out to bars (if thats your thing) while there are millions of others who worry about weather or not they are going to get to eat today, if they are going to get to drink water and not get sick from it, if they are going to be killed in their sleep.

In time, and this took me 20 years to figure out, is that happiness is a choice bro, its up to you. You must take action and do the things that give you the most happiness, and stop doing things that make you sad. Here's something i wrote when i was going through my transformation and i think it might make sense to you.

_The Art of Being_;

Everyone has the ability to change who they are whenever they want. There are no restrictions when it comes to making decisions about yourself, about who you are or about who you really want to be. I personally find things about myself all the time that I try to change, not that I dont like myself dont get me wrong. I love myself and consider myself to be a good natured person. But that there are aspects about myself I find I dislike sometimes. Its so hard to see those things, its possibly the hardest thing any individual could ever do to admit to yourself there are things about you that you dont like, or need to change. It takes courage, patience and a very strong mind. Sometimes it even takes others help or influence to help you recognize aspects about yourself you never knew existed, or have been hiding from yourself for as long as you can remember. Once we gain the ability to criticize ourselves, to analyze ourselves not our lives. Those are the moments we can become one with who we are and who we truly want to be. And maybe, maybe that is where true happiness comes from, and from there we can share it with the rest of the world. Happiness does not come from something external of you, it resides within.

Good luck dude, you can do this shit. I may not have any beliefs... but that doesn't mean i don't believe in you.


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## Doer (May 21, 2012)

Very nice, very candid. Thanks for the story. We just have to ask ourself the dual question of existence. "to be or not to be....." A little Shakespeare can help me.


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## H R Puff N Stuff (May 21, 2012)

everyone feels overwhelmed at times none are immune the older you get the more you realize it was hard because you did not know how things will work out but things usually do and you realize it wasnt that hard after all thus proving to yourself you are stronger than you thought.


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## NoDrama (May 21, 2012)

Everyone dies alone.


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## Doer (May 21, 2012)

NoDrama said:


> Everyone dies alone.


Exactly, just like when we are born. A wise man may wish to be alone when he dies. He has so much not to think about.


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## cannabineer (May 21, 2012)

Carne Seca said:


> I'm definitely going to die alone. No ifs ands or buts about it.


The way things are going, I'll be right there next to you. Figuratively. cn


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## cannabineer (May 21, 2012)

Doer said:


> Exactly, just like when we are born. A wise man may wish to be alone when he dies. He has so much not to think about.


I was certainly not alone when I was born. And no; mine was a solo pregnancy. cn


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## Doer (May 22, 2012)

cannabineer said:


> I was certainly not alone when I was born. And no; mine was a solo pregnancy. cn


As far as we could discern with our senselessness we were gushed into a space where the concepts of alone or together was meaningless. We had no concepts.

We had no memories and so we can't really say. That's what I mean. We were alone in a water bag, then we gushed.


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## Zaehet Strife (May 22, 2012)

^watersliiiiiide! bloodslide? NOOOOOOOOO!!

/sigh, my jokes will never be as funny as CN's...


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## EROsain (May 22, 2012)

this thread is taking a turn for the nasty


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## Hepheastus420 (May 22, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> ^watersliiiiiide! bloodslide? NOOOOOOOOO!!
> 
> /sigh, my jokes will never be as funny as CN's...


As long as it makes you crack up, it's all good .


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## cannabineer (May 22, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> ^watersliiiiiide! bloodslide? NOOOOOOOOO!!
> 
> /sigh, my jokes will never be as funny as CN's...


I'd probably work the breech-birth angle: "whoah ... what is THAT? It's ... beautiful. Why am I leaving it?? NOOOO! (huge loud cry) I wanna go BACK!!" 

And so began one young man's lifelong quest ...
cn


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## missnu (May 22, 2012)

Hmmm...I feel like I don't want anyone to see me die....I am not sure I would be lonely... I usually feel my loneliest when there are a lot of people around me, as opposed to 1 person that I feel totally gets me, but I don't sleep with... everyone needs that one person that just knows who they are and want to be..someone that knows all their secrets...


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## missnu (May 22, 2012)

But as I said dying seems like a somber thing that would be better to do alone...I don't think there is anyone I would want to share my dying with...if I meet someone before then I am that comfortable with then perhaps I will rethink this...but right now it seems like a really serious thing to be with someone at the exact moment their life leaves their body, and I don't think it should be taken lightly...my husband is afraid to die, so he doesn't even want to talk about it like it is a possibility, but I have always lived knowing it is an inevitability and being generally alright with that fact...It is the same ending everyone else has had and will have until science gets just a little crazier...I find his reaction to the mention of the inevitability of dying is a little strange...but things like that work themselves out in time. I mean he will have to deal with it one day. I think perhaps he hasn't had anyone terribly close to him die and it get dealt with properly...
Then again perhaps my view on it is the one that is flawed...pot-AY-toes pot-AH-toes...lol...But the odds are in favor of my views for sure...


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## missnu (May 22, 2012)

Wow...I hadn't read the whole thread---my bad...glad I could show up and bring everyone down...


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## cannabineer (May 22, 2012)

missnu said:


> But as I said dying seems like a somber thing that would be better to do alone...I don't think there is anyone I would want to share my dying with...if I meet someone before then I am that comfortable with then perhaps I will rethink this...but right now it seems like a really serious thing to be with someone at the exact moment their life leaves their body, and I don't think it should be taken lightly...my husband is afraid to die, so he doesn't even want to talk about it like it is a possibility, but I have always lived knowing it is an inevitability and being generally alright with that fact...It is the same ending everyone else has had and will have until science gets just a little crazier...I find his reaction to the mention of the inevitability of dying is a little strange...but things like that work themselves out in time. I mean he will have to deal with it one day. I think perhaps he hasn't had anyone terribly close to him die and it get dealt with properly...
> Then again perhaps my view on it is the one that is flawed...pot-AY-toes pot-AH-toes...lol...But the odds are in favor of my views for sure...


I believe it was A. C. Clarke who said "no creature of intelligence resents the inevitable". cn


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## Zaehet Strife (May 22, 2012)

cannabineer said:


> I'd probably work the breech-birth angle: "whoah ... what is THAT? It's ... beautiful. Why am I leaving it?? NOOOO! (huge loud cry) I wanna go BACK!!"
> 
> And so began one young man's lifelong quest ...
> cn


My joke... just got pwned. ^HEHEHEHEHE!!!!


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## MrFrance (May 23, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


speaking as someone who has actually died alone (ya one multitasks) i found it is the opposite to your dick. i found a profound love for others (didn't last) you'll phone your mom, tidy your room, give up the booze and the one night stands maybe settle down in a quiet little town and forget about everything. Batman x


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## Hepheastus420 (May 23, 2012)

I was thinking about mmoving to start "new".. But I said fuck it, I like it here and people can just fuck off. I just wish there were people here so I could tell them to fuck off .


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## Zaehet Strife (May 23, 2012)

I would recommend not being a dick... you make more friends that way lol.


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## cannabineer (May 23, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> I would recommend not being a dick... you make more friends that way lol.


The other way is ... harder. cn


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 27, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


all you will do is change bodies and continue your life you just wont remember your past life or know your future,but you will have dejavue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMjGzQ93XO4


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## Weedasaurus (May 27, 2012)

not worried about it. once it happens it happens and in an instant its over. i just worry about dieng a slow agonizing death.


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## hornedfrog2000 (May 27, 2012)

Weedasaurus said:


> not worried about it. once it happens it happens and in an instant its over. i just worry about dieng a slow agonizing death.


Maybe that is better though. Dieing slow that is. Had a relative get Lou Gehrig's disease about 10 months ago, she lived about 6 months after diagnosis. She had plenty of time to be spoiled, and say goodbye from family all over the country. Then about a month ago I lost a cousin that was 20. Had a deadly accident, and was gone like that. Maybe the long pain is worth it to say goodbye.


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## mindphuk (May 27, 2012)

420IAMthatIAM said:


> all you will do is change bodies and continue your life you just wont remember your past life or know your future,but you will have dejavue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMjGzQ93XO4


You appear to be saying this quite matter of factly. I'm sure you really meant to preface it by saying, "I believe....", right? If not, I have to ask, how do you know this is how things work if we really have no memories of our past lives?


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## BillyBonnie (May 27, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


If I've ever heard anyone channel me, it's you with this post...almost scary


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 28, 2012)

mindphuk said:


> You appear to be saying this quite matter of factly. I'm sure you really meant to preface it by saying, "I believe....", right? If not, I have to ask, how do you know this is how things work if we really have no memories of our past lives?


its matter of putting 1.5 and 1.5 together, dejavue,the recognizing of truth,and that which is written or spoken.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMjGzQ93XO4


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## Zaehet Strife (May 28, 2012)

^This is a matter of telling yourself what you want to hear, plain and simple.


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 28, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> ^This is a matter of telling yourself what you want to hear, plain and simple.


O' yes I do enjoy hearing truth,its like a glass of water,after walking through the desert for three or four days with nothing to drink... plain..simple..and very refreshing!


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## Hepheastus420 (May 28, 2012)

420IAMthatIAM said:


> O' yes I do enjoy hearing truth,its like a glass of water,after walking through the desert for three or four days with nothing to drink... plain..simple..and very refreshing!


Well I'll give you something refreshing. Most evidence points to us just being dead after we die. Now you can say "ahhhh" from the nice refreshing truth .


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## Balzac89 (May 28, 2012)

I find it hard not to be a dick when everyone is so fuckin dumb.

The last relationship I broke off was about a month ago and she was straight stupid.

She got a text from some random number asking for her bank info because her account was locked so she calle the number and gave them all her info.

I asked her if she was fucking retarded


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 28, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Well I'll give you something refreshing. Most evidence points to us just being dead after we die. Now you can say "ahhhh" from the nice refreshing truth .


thats the body!!!hello


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## Zaehet Strife (May 29, 2012)

Uncertainty in the presence of vivid hopes, dreams and fears can be extremely painful... but must be endured if we wish to live life without the support of comforting fairytales.

I wish you luck in escaping your delusion of certainty in the absence of it. This is something most will never be able to escape... Plato's "the allegory of the cave", you should read it. <---Still chained to the walls seeing nothing but the illusory shadows of subjective thought.

Ps. Using large and colorful font does not make your arguments any more valid, more so makes you look desperate.


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## cannofbliss (May 29, 2012)

420IAMthatIAM said:


> thats the body!!!hello



dude i swear this site is being inundated with a bunch of shitty trolls as of late...


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 29, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> Uncertainty in the presence of vivid hopes, dreams and fears can be extremely painful... but must be endured if we wish to live life without the support of comforting fairytales.
> 
> I wish you luck in escaping your delusion of certainty in the absence of it. This is something most will never be able to escape... Plato's "the allegory of the cave", you should read it. <---Still chained to the walls seeing nothing but the illusory shadows of subjective thought.
> 
> Ps. Using large and colorful font does not make your arguments any more valid, more so makes you look desperate.


you have got to be old and alone...if not you need... to grow up.


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## eye exaggerate (May 29, 2012)

mindphuk said:


> You appear to be saying this quite matter of factly. I'm sure you really meant to preface it by saying, "I believe....", right? If not, I have to ask, how do you know this is how things work if we really have no memories of our past lives?


...a bodhisattva is said to remember past lives. And, given evolution, I'd say that past lives are possible. It's kinda like a theme 

I think of Ionic Bonding when I read your post. Look at William Blakes' Ancient of Days from *1794*. God splits the atom and makes both male and female. God removes the electron (rib) from adam and creates something new. We know that energy does not die, it changes into another form of energy. I'm quite sure this is why a lot of Christians think the lhc experiments are like 'playing God'.


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 29, 2012)

So sure that what you hear is the truth, you forgot something plain,simple and refreshing,there is only here and now,that other people will tell you what they think and believe is the truth yet it dose not make it so.The minds subjectivity is an open field for creating delusion on an almost infinite level when unchecked by reason and understanding of the natural laws that govern each and every one of us.You believe dejavu is something seen from a past life and experienced once more in this one,like a buddhist would believe.Dejavu is an experience from previous moments in the same life,the one you are living ,the only one you get,there are no other lives.Moments that are forgotten then reoccur in the same subjective sequence as the first time you experienced it in your life,this is what constitutes dejavu and is still a subjective occurance.I hope you can realize that it is a Buddhist teaching in which it revolves around the punishment and reward ideology,just because it is said to be karma that directs you up or down in the conciousness realm dose not actualy make it so.But if it is what you believe and what you truely want to believe then do it. Im sure you can expect opposition with your stance,If you do, then realize it is pointless to attempt a preachdown upon people in the forums or anywhere else for that matter.Karma is simply another subjective route for directing ones behavior into the religious guidelines.Realize it or not,it dose not matter what you do with your life,there are no cosmic consequences to deal with,this is just another way to manipulate behavior of the person seeking "truth".


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## eye exaggerate (May 29, 2012)

Dislexicmidget2021 said:


> So sure that what you hear is the truth, you forgot something plain,simple and refreshing,there is only here and now,that other people will tell you what they think and believe is the truth yet it dose not make it so.The minds subjectivity is an open field for creating delusion on an almost infinite level when unchecked by reason and understanding of the natural laws that govern each and every one of us.You believe dejavu is something seen from a past life and experienced once more in this one,like a buddhist would believe.Dejavu is an experience from previous moments in the same life,the one you are living ,the only one you get,there are no other lives.Moments that are forgotten then reoccur in the same subjective sequence as the first time you experienced it in your life,this is what constitutes dejavu and is still a subjective occurance.I hope you can realize that it is a Buddhist teaching in which it revolves around the punishment and reward ideology,just because it is said to be karma that directs you up or down in the conciousness realm dose not actualy make it so.But if it is what you believe and what you truely want to believe then do it. Im sure you can expect opposition with your stance,If you do, then realize it is pointless to attempt a preachdown upon people in the forums or anywhere else for that matter.Karma is simply another subjective route for directing ones behavior into the religious guidelines.Realize it or not,it dose not matter what you do with your life,there are no cosmic consequences to deal with,this is just another way to manipulate behavior of the person seeking "truth".


...I don't know who this was directed at but there are some really good points in here. When I think of Blake having 'religious visions' that drove his art, I think of how long ago he worked. So a guy has religious visions, doesn't ascribe to a religion per se, but believes in a creator (and believes fiercely in the freedom of the artist / creator). Many years later science is 'doing the math on his vision'. I think it's pretty cool. There are many such examples of artists that knew then what we are getting to know now. It is likely that they weren't consciously mapping out quantum physics, but instead creating visuals that would inspire the current scientific trends. (My 2¢)


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## 420IAMthatIAM (May 29, 2012)

eye exaggerate said:


> ...I don't know who this was directed at but there are some really good points in "here. When I think of Blake having 'religious visions' that drove his art, I think of how long ago he worked. So a guy has religious visions, doesn't ascribe to a religion per se, but believes in a creator (and believes fiercely in the freedom of the artist / creator). Many years later science is 'doing the math on his vision'. I think it's pretty cool. There are many such examples of artists that knew then what we are getting to know now. It is likely that they weren't consciously mapping out quantum physics, but instead creating visuals that would inspire the current scientific trends. (My 2¢)


like the art or move on to the next piece" me i enjoy my life


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## Zaehet Strife (May 29, 2012)

Weather we enjoy our lives in delusional thought, or embrace the truth of our existence, it matters not... just as long as we respect eathother and do no harm, i really dont see a problem with anything that anyone thinks is true or false.

But this doesn't mean im not going to call people out on ther stupidity lol.


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## Doer (May 29, 2012)

Dislexicmidget2021 said:


> ...The minds subjectivity is an open field for creating delusion on an almost infinite level when unchecked by reason and understanding of the natural laws that govern each and every one of us.


This a logic bomb, isn't it? You are acting as if you have certain knowledge. (I cut out the parts where you are so SURE your belief is what's true) 

My friend, you just can't have it both ways. The subjectivity you grant for us all, extends to yourself, as well. Reason is the least realiable indicator on this subject. It's quite easy for me to propose, as emphatically as you, the very opposite. There is no Objective Reality. So called, day to day reality is only what your senses can grasp, an Illusion, only. There is much proof of this in Science.

Sure, Reality can be manipulated within the model of Objectivity. But, at the edges, there is no Objectivity. That is the Heisenberg/Schroedinger Conjecture that rules Quantum Science, since 1921.

You cannot say anything about Subjective Reality, because you define Objective only as your rule base. Make sense?


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 29, 2012)

I hold only one certainty,that there is always uncertainty which coincides with the constant change happening on all levels of life, I wont try to convince anyone here of something that is readily observable and available to understanding.I would never go so far as to exclude myself from subjectivity,surely as I can perceive my own mind and am soundly aware of it,I to contain subjectivity,I am no different here.I simply posit that one should keep themselves in check with reality before believeing in something that someone else has told them.To check within the self for answers.I also stated that dejavu is its own subjective experience because it was experienced in the mind first and foremost,It was stated in another post that it was experiences from past lives which is touted in the Buddhist principles,I disagreed with the statement and sub-expounded that the experience comes from moments in this life that have been forgotten then remembered with a subconscious simulacrum of previously experienced events or moments,yes while it may have sounded as if I were touting certain knowledge,I was not,it is something that can be conceived logicaly.BTW I know It is a bit persnickety when i say this the term subjective reality is a paradox in base form, thought I would point that out.


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## mindphuk (May 29, 2012)

eye exaggerate said:


> ...a bodhisattva is said to remember past lives. And, given evolution, I'd say that past lives are possible. It's kinda like a theme


My next-door neighbor could claim to remember a past life...so fucking what? Personal testimony is rarely good evidence. Even when and if it is completely true, if it is something that can't be verified independently then it is very weak at best. If you haven't figured that out by now with the number of threads where this is discussed, you will just have to be content to recognize your standards of evidence are much lower for woo than it is (or should be) for mundane things. 

Given evolution has nothing to do with the continuation of some essence of our being after death, a prerequisite for reincarnation, all I can make from this argument is a non-sequitur. Putting your 'argument' in a syllogism would be, Evolution occurs, therefore past lives. Similarly we can say, given chemistry, I'd say that unicorns are possible, it's sort of a theme.


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## Nice Ol Bud (May 29, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> Do you guys ever think you're gonna die alone? No friends no family. It seems that I always turn into a dick with everybody I meet. I get into a mentality where I honestly start believing everybody is a dick so I need to be a dick too.. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though.


Change your trace of thought now.
I would never ever look at it that way.

Not everyone is going to understand you, not even me..
I dont know what you've been through, but all I know is that even thinking that way is not the way to go at all.
Im not ganna be like, "Its people like you that fucks this world up!".. Cause you have your reasons..
But im here to say choose a different route.
If they dont want to listen they dont want to listen.

Peace & Love.
NoB


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## Doer (May 30, 2012)

Dislexicmidget2021 said:


> I hold only one certainty,that there is always uncertainty which coincides with the constant change happening on all levels of life, I wont try to convince anyone here of something that is readily observable and available to understanding.I would never go so far as to exclude myself from subjectivity,surely as I can perceive my own mind and am soundly aware of it,I to contain subjectivity,I am no different here.I simply posit that one should keep themselves in check with reality before believeing in something that someone else has told them.To check within the self for answers.I also stated that dejavu is its own subjective experience because it was experienced in the mind first and foremost,It was stated in another post that it was experiences from past lives which is touted in the Buddhist principles,I disagreed with the statement and sub-expounded that the experience comes from moments in this life that have been forgotten then remembered with a subconscious simulacrum of previously experienced events or moments,yes while it may have sounded as if I were touting certain knowledge,I was not,it is something that can be conceived logicaly.BTW I know It is a bit persnickety when i say this the term subjective reality is a paradox in base form, thought I would point that out.


Interesting you define Subjective Reality as a paradox, yet to you, Objective Reality contains no paradox. However, you cannot describe Objective Experience in a way that would withstand the truth that your experience and description is totally Subjective, only. 

It's the argument for Objective Reality that contains the paradox.

We only possess a Subjective sensation, touch, feel, etc, that combine to create reasonable and limited Subjective Reality for our survival. Therefore, none of our experience is Objective. A paradox, right?


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## jokerindustries187 (May 30, 2012)

I used tk be the same way until i realized that i wasnt getting anywhere...you know what they say...you can catch more flies with sugar


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## BillyBonnie (May 30, 2012)

Hepheastus420 said:


> You talking suicide? I was thinking of commitibg suicide, not sure though. I mean I'm only 18 so I feel like I can change somebody's life for the better good.. But I'm not sure if livin g every single day is worth it. I'm not talking about dying alone the moment you die btw.. I guess I meant to say I'm afraid of living alone until the day I die.


Man stop. Stop right now. Talk to someone about your suicidal feelings. You have too much to live for. Think of all the dank weed you'll smoke if you live to be 75.

Just like you see a doctor when you have a physical ailment, see a professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, counceller) for your mental needs. 

I have a son a little older than you. So I'm a lot older than you (49). I've been rocked by suicide in my family (my mother and sister-in-law). It hurts.

I've also thought about suicide. But suicide is a big lie. It solves nothing. I now take an antidepressent and it really helps.

Just do it. Reach out for some help, and you'll get it.


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## Zaehet Strife (May 30, 2012)

hes gonna be just fine


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## BillyBonnie (May 30, 2012)

Zaehet Strife said:


> hes gonna be just fine


What makes you think so? No disrespect intended...I'm just wondering...

Suicidal thoughts are serious...I should know.


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## Hepheastus420 (May 30, 2012)

BillyBonnie said:


> Man stop. Stop right now. Talk to someone about your suicidal feelings. You have too much to live for. Think of all the dank weed you'll smoke if you live to be 75.
> 
> Just like you see a doctor when you have a physical ailment, see a professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, counceller) for your mental needs.
> 
> ...


I've seeked professional help before. I've called a suicide hotline not to talk me out of it but just to talk to them you know? I don't have anybody I can talk to (just people that flash by in life), so I hit them up. I asked them a bunch of questions and their answers were so set up lol. Like pathetically set up. I told them that it would be better if they talked to people more like people and not like patients then I hung up. I shouldn't have hung up without telling them that I would be fine because they traced my call back to my apartment and sent two cops after me. I'm so fucking glad I didn't smoke weed in my house that day lol. Anyways, they took me to a psychiatric hospital and made me wear some stupid as robe for two months. It sucked seeing people get clothes sent to them by family while I had to wear the stupid flower pattern robe. I wasn't in a very happy mood so they prescribed me trazodone and celexa (I think that's what it's called), which is a anti-depressant. I don't take it though because I have a fear of pills. Ironically I love the trazodone since it helps me sleep at night. Point is, professional help sucks IMO. 

But like strife said "hes gonna be just fine".

I've realized that life is too short to be mad or sad. It really is too short. I regret any moment I've thought of suicide or any day I just laid in bed not wanting to move. I regret it because that's time I could have spent helping others or just straight fucking chilling in my place hitting the bong and playing zelda. I've wasted some of my life, so now I hope I can talk somebody else out of depressing thoughts and making them stop that instant because I know they will wish for that moment back when they're on their death bed wishing they had spent their life better. But I'm young, I can still live a great life.


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 30, 2012)

Doer said:


> Interesting you define Subjective Reality as a paradox, yet to you, Objective Reality contains no paradox. However, you cannot describe Objective Experience in a way that would withstand the truth that your experience and description is totally Subjective, only.
> 
> It's the argument for Objective Reality that contains the paradox.
> 
> We only possess a Subjective sensation, touch, feel, etc, that combine to create reasonable and limited Subjective Reality for our survival. Therefore, none of our experience is Objective. A paradox, right?


lol Doer, I was stating THE TERM subjective reality to be a paradox in base form not its principle definition.As i said i was being persnickety.You looked a bit to far into that one.


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## Doer (May 31, 2012)

Dislexicmidget2021 said:


> lol Doer, I was stating THE TERM subjective reality to be a paradox in base form not its principle definition.As i said i was being persnickety.You looked a bit to far into that one.


No, actually, I used the opportunity to point out that the term Subjective Reality is not a base form paradox, at all. I never said you were being anything. But, to say Subjective Reality is a term of base paradox is incorrect.
No way around it.

The oxymoron, the paradox is Objective Reality. It's Objective Reality that cannot be proven at the edges, no matter how hard, far or deep we look.


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## Dislexicmidget2021 (May 31, 2012)

Doer said:


> No, actually, I used the opportunity to point out that the term Subjective Reality is not a base form paradox, at all. I never said you were being anything. But, to say Subjective Reality is a term of base paradox is incorrect.
> No way around it.
> 
> The oxymoron, the paradox is Objective Reality. It's Objective Reality that cannot be proven at the edges, no matter how hard, far or deep we look.


the subjective point of view dosent trust itself as purely correct so that it may harbor potentialy intellegent models of reality without certainty of being correct or acting as if it were infallible,By definition Subjective reality dosent trust in its own correct form of unbias clarity as a viewpoint. After all, if we cannot disprove something, then our model should account for the possibility that it is true (without blindly assuming it&#8217;s true either). a form of prudent perceptive reality? ,,,,,is there no paradox to assume such a careful model of reality, when reality itself is still subject to so much uncertainty?is there corectness in this form of certain uncertainty,while not being bias is a milestone for approaching that possible truth,there cant be definitive affirmation of any truth even on this level,it still boils down to how you perceive reality dose it not?.


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## Doer (May 31, 2012)

It really does. How we describe our reality to ourselves. Objectivity perception tools is how we operate the Subjective Reality. We don't the sense to be totally objective. And to me this idea of correctness is just part of the Subjective.


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## Nice Ol Bud (May 31, 2012)

*














5-31-09 <3



ME & UB <3











​




*


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## Sir.Ganga (Jun 13, 2012)

We ALL die ALONE!

Think about it!


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## cannabineer (Jun 13, 2012)

At least we're not born that way. That's gotta count for something. cn


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## VILEPLUME (Jun 14, 2012)

cannabineer said:


> At least we're not born that way. That's gotta count for something. cn


That's true. I think a lot of people visit when you die though, plus they put you on morphine sometimes if you are really sick. Or you die in your sleep.


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## cannabineer (Jun 14, 2012)

VILEPLUME said:


> That's true. I think a lot of people visit when you die though, plus they put you on morphine sometimes if you are really sick. Or you die in your sleep.


Only if you have family that cares and friends who stayed.  cn


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## high|hgih (Jun 14, 2012)

I didnt read the thread however I think everyone dies alone(which grants the fact that nobody dies alone, due to the order of things, the scale man). Animals run off and hide to die instinctively. Itd make sense that humans do the same.. In a sense.

Death isnt bad though I promise


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## Cut.Throat. (Jun 14, 2012)

Ah the fear of death.. the reason humans invented god.


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## high|hgih (Jun 14, 2012)

^ couldnt have said it better myself

However most people are so unintelligent they need a god to tell them to be good. So it serves its purpose.
Again though, its not all bogus, it makes you think, and thats what I need


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## lightitsmokeit420 (Jun 14, 2012)

depressing thread lets smoke a bowl guys


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## Zaehet Strife (Jun 14, 2012)

It's only depressing if you perceive it to be so. I think it is fascinating, especially reading everyone's ideas.

But i will take you up on that, and smoke a bowl =)


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## high|hgih (Jun 14, 2012)

Hahaha down.


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## RoguePlant (Jun 14, 2012)

There are so many things I could say after reading the first post all the way up to this post before mine, like how everything will be ok if you just hang in there, or I could write about personal stories of how I've dealt with losing family and friends, or I could speak of personal demons I've battled, but what I cant do is see the world through your eyes Hepheastus420, but what I CAN SAY is, as close as I've come to the edge, the one thing that always brings me back, and I know this might sound strange and even a little crazy but, at my lowest point when there is no doubt in my mind that it cant get any worse, for some reason this pops in my head ( I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, FOR BETTER OR WORSE )


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## RoguePlant (Jun 14, 2012)

Now i don't know if that helps you, but for me at the end of the day when it come down to it, I know when I leave this earth I can say for better or worse it's been one hell of a ride, and I didn't miss a second of it.


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## Hepheastus420 (Jun 15, 2012)

cannabineer said:


> Only if you have family that cares and friends who stayed.  cn


Neer, when you die you better tell me. I'll fly out there and bring a stone to carve some of your wise quotes on it.


I know.


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## forgetiwashere (Jun 15, 2012)

i used to feel alone all the time. i was surrounded by people and so called friends but for some reason i never felt like i meshed with them. im just an odd sock. i dont understand the way society works and i never managed to make any long lasting bonds. 

i removed myself from everything and became a true loner. i learned more about who i was and realised how much of my life i wasted trying to fit into society and faking through life. i have never been happier i focus on the things i have always wanted to do and i no longer worry about what other people might think. i dont have to make compromises with other people i just do what i want. and the best part. after i found myself and got to know who i was and what i was all about i met a beautiful girl who wanted to get to know me for who i was and now we live happily ever after.

society is broken. bin it and move on.


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## high|hgih (Jun 15, 2012)

> *
> 
> Neer, when you die you better tell me. I'll fly out there and bring a stone to carve some of your wise quotes on it.​
> 
> ...


Agreed. I too have taken a liking to canibineer haha

INTOSPECION IS KEY. KNOW THYSELF


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