A man finally makes his fortune and is having his dream house bulit. As he talks to the architect on how he wants the house built he says, 'See that tree there, don't cut it down because under that tree I made love for the first time.'
The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.
Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'
The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'
To which the man replies,'Baaaaaa.''
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Falkland's war
Why did the Brits bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?
War brides
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Cloning a Ewe
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for this news flash.
' Hello, this is Harddley Worthit with BAAH TV, I am standing here in a flock of sheep and would like to introduce Sam Dasham, a Texas sheep herder. Hello Sam'
There is a slight pause as Sam bows his head and spits, looks up wipes his chin, his nose and then wipes his hand on his pants.
Sam speaks: 'Howdy Harddley'
Harddley speaks: 'Tell me Sam how do you feel about the cloning of a sheep? I understand it was a ewe'.
Sam grins, exposing typical tobacco stained green teeth. He leans over again and spits. Wipes his chin off then wipes his hand on his pants. Looking at his boot, he sees he has been spitting on it. He wipes the toe of his boot off on the back of his pant leg. Then looks up and grins a little bigger.
'Well Harddley I see good things coming from this. The rams have always seemed to be a very jealous part of the heard. They git agitated when ever me and my friends come around. They leave a dye on the backs of the girls, err females, err ewe's that makes a bad mess and is hard to get off your stomach. The hair, ah, I mean wool from the ewes is much softer and much better liked by all my neighbors and family. I can rent them out and they fetch more money than the rams. If it weren't for needing liddle sheeps we wouldn't need the rams at all. Now we can get rid of them and not have to watch out for them while the ewes are tending to us, ugh, I mean while we tend to the ewes. Like I said Harddley there is nothing but good to come from this'
Harddley, staring at a drop of chew still on Sams' chin, is turning a light shade of green, but starting to get a little anxious. He turns to the camera and says: ' There you have it ladies and gentlemen. This is Harddley Worthit. Now, back to the studio.' Harddley lowers the mike and asks Sam, thinking the camera is off. 'Can I get a private interview with that cute one over there?'
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Cloned Sheep
What did the Cloned Sheep say to the other sheep?
I am ewe.
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Australia
Where men are men, and sheep are nerveous
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Wild West
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked a cocky shitkicker, 'What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?' 'Ya mean women?' asked the shitkicker. 'We ain't got none. 'Round here folks fuck sheep'. 'That's disgusting,' cried the correspondent, 'I've never heard of such moral degredation'.
However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustrations. Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares. 'You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!' the reporter yelled. 'You've been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!' One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, 'Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!'
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Australians
How do Australians find sheep in long grass?
Quite good actually.
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Desert Island
A man and his dog are shipwrecked onto a deserted island. After a few days he decides to reconnoiter the island. He discovers that the only other inhabitants are sheep. He recalls how his farm buddies would brag how they would screw sheep for kicks and he says to himself: 'I'll never be that desperate.'
Sooooo, a few days later he can't get those sheep out of his mind, and soon he's sneaking up on the flock. Just as he is about to pounce on a really cute one, the dog grabs his leg and won't let go. He snaps to, and thanks the dog for keeping him from making a fool of himself. This same scene happens every night for a month and the guy is really getting pissed at the dog.
Suddenly one day, the man spies a liferaft bobbing in the surf. In the raft is a beautiful young girl, half dead but alive. He takes her back to his hut revives her and nurses her to health. After a few days the girl is feeling fine, and that evening a rush of gratitude sweeps over her....
She confronts the man: 'I owe you my life. I'm yours forever. I'll do anything you want'
'Anything?'
'Anything!!'
'OK, hold that dog for ten minutes!!!'
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Amish
The Amish are practising safe sex here.
They paint the legs of the sheep that kick.
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Changing Jobs
A young man grew fed up with modern life and decided to leave the big city and become a shepherd, spending months in the seclusion of the distant mountains alone with his thoughts and sheep. So he went up the high mountains where he found three older shepherds with a big flock of sheep, and asked them to show him the ropes. The shepherds agreed.
The young man spent a week with them. One evening by the fire he asked casually, 'So how do you guys get by with no women around here?' Said one of the men,'Why, with so many sheep around, who needs women?' The youngster shuddered: 'Yak! How horrible! How can you...?' The three men only smiled and said nothing.
Another week passed and one morning the young man realized that the tension in his groin had grown unbearable. He remembered what the men hadsaid, and looking at the sheep, thought, 'Hmm, why not after all...'. He chose a moment when none of the older shepherds were around, and grabbed one of the nearest sheep. However, the others showed up in a minute, and seeing him with the sheep burst out laughing.
'What? What?!!', shouted the young man, blushing. 'You told me that's what you did yourselves, didn't you??!'
'Yeah, sure! But to choose the ugliest one??!'
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Nursery Rhymes
Mary had a little sheep
With the sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram........
Mary Had A Little Lamb.
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Orgasm
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Farmer's Weekly. He looks up from the page and says to her, 'Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?'
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, 'Oh yeah? Prove it.'
He frowns for a moment, then says, 'Okay.' He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, 'Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can I tell?'
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Sex Aid
Have you heard about the latest Welsh sex aid?
Velcro gloves.
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The Sheep Shagging Blues
I like shagging sheep
Cos they don't have big clodding feet
They have little hooves instead
And they're better than most women in bed
CHORUS:
I like shagging sheep
I like shagging sheep
I've got those .... Sheep Shagging Blues
I like to shag them every day
In almost every single way
Even up against a wall
I like to shag them all
CHORUS
I like to drive them home
I like to hear them moan
I like to shag them in my car
I like to hear them baaaaaaa...
CHORUS
I'm going to buy a farm
So I can shag them in my barn
And when they get to old and tired for me
I'll cook them and eat them for my tea
CHORUS
Now I must face reality
I've been done with beastiality
NO MORE SHAGGING SHEEP.
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Safe sex
What do you call safe sex in Australia?
Marking an 'X' on the sheep that kick.
All talk
Driving along late one evening after playing a late-nighter in a lonely workingmen's club in Yorkshire, a ventriloquist's car broke down. Having walked along the road for a while, he came upon a small farmhouse on the high moors. Having explained his situation to the farmer who answered the traveller's knock, the farmer invited him in to spend the night. The farmer had no phone.
Inside the bleak farmhouse, the traveller was surprised to see no division between that part of it housing the human - the single old farmer - and the part housing the animals.
Thinking there was some fun to be had, the traveller asked the farmer if he would mind if he talked to his horse, the farmer replied 'yon horse don't talk'.
The traveller waved at the farmer's horse asking 'How's the old guy treating you then?'.
Throwing his voice, the ventriloquist answers 'Well, OK. He rides me pretty hard sometimes but nothing that a little more hay wouldn't cure'
The farmer stares in sheer amazement.
The traveller then looks at the collie slumbering on the mat in front of a sorry-looking fire and asks the farmer 'What sort of a day has your dog had then?'
'Yon dog doesn't talk' replied the farmer.
The traveller again throws his voice as if the dog were to say 'Can't complain really, a little more meat when he makes me gather sheep all day wouldn't go amiss though....'
The farmer's jaw drops lower....
The traveller now hears the bleating of an ewe somewhere in the dark corners of the barn beyond.... he asks the farmer if he can go and have a chat with her, whereupon the farmer shoots to his feet and shouts.
'No, bloody way.... that ewe tells lies'
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Blonds and Sheep
Every jokes page has to have a blond joke, so here goes
Sheep
There was a typical blond. She had long, blond hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blond jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make-over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
'That's a nice flock of sheep.' She said.
'Well thank you.' Said the herder.
'Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.' said the woman.
'Okay.' Replied the herder.
'If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?' Asked the woman.
'Sure.' Said the sheep herder.
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied '382'.
'Wow.' Said the herder. 'That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.'
So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said 'Okay, now I have a proposition for you'.
'What is it?' Queried the woman.
'If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?'
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Bar Joke
And also, every one must have a bar joke
There were these two sheep see, and one of them walked into a baa
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Cross
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a Border Collie?
A dog that rounds up Welsh-Men.
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Sex blunders for Sheep
1.Baaing too loudly.
2.Smelling of sheep dip.
3.Standing in a muddy field.
4.Pointing out that Old Jed does it better.
5.Walking away to chew some grass.
6.Eating the man's jumper.
7.Listing sexual blunders.
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Pulp Fiction Boyo!
Script for Pulp Fiction 2 - The Boyos are back in town, isn't it?
The Scene: John Trovolta and Sammuel J. Jackson sitting in car talking.
Pulp Fiction music fades off...
S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh.
J: Whaddya wanna know?
S: Beastiality is legal there right?
J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They want you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.
S: And those are valleys?
J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice you've got a sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the interlect the police in Wales DON'T have.
S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never fuckin' goin'.
J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing about Wales is?
S: What?
J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.
S: Example.
J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a lump of coal, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in MacDonalds. Do you know what they call it?
S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the fuck a 1/4 pounder is.
S: So whadda they call it?
J: A (assumes welsh accent) 'Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch'.
S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
J: That's right.
S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent again).
S: (immitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
J: Ha ha ha
S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French Fries in Swansea instead of ketch-up?
S: What?
J: Coal.
S: Arrr man...
J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.
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French and Sheep
The French, the only race to molest sheep and burn the evidence as
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Australia
What do you call four sheep tied to a lampost in Sydney
An Australian leisure centre
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Missionary
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!
One day, the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. 'You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!'
The missionary replies: 'No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.'
The chief pauses for a moment then says, 'Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child.'
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New Zealand
You may not know that before I moved to the UK, I worked on a farm in New Zealand, shearing sheep.
One day I walked into the woolshed and to my horror discovered a workmate being extremely familiar with one of our woolly friends.
'MATE!' I said, 'you're supposed to be SHEARING that sheep!'
With a grin (and a grunt) he replied 'I'm not sharing Matilda with ANYONE!'
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Welsh Navy
Why did our Welsh navy get lost at sea?
They lost their sheep to shore radio.
What happened when they found it?
They radioed an ewe-boat.
What happened to the ewe-boat?
Ask the English, they rammed it......
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A PhD in sheep shagging
So, there is a guy in his final year at University, and he decides to do a thesis on Sheep Shagging. (Strange behaviour, considering he was studying Electronics ... but, never mind ... I digress).
He calls upon a Surrey Sheep Farmer to ask his opinions.
'Well, I gets the hind legs ... stuffs them into me wellies ... and then takes them from behind. That's it.'
'Oh, thank you' says the student, taking copious notes along with sketches etc.
Next he visits a farm down in Dorset.
'What are your view on sheep shagging?' he asks boldly.
'Well, you've got to take the hind legs, stuff them into the wellingtons, and then take the sheep from behind. That's all there is to it'
'Oh. Thank you very much for your information' the student replies, once again scribbling away in his notebook.
The Student, intent on finding out the most about sheep shagging from farmers far and wide, visits Wales.
'How do you sheep shag?' he confronts one farmer.
And once again he gets the same reply. 'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Give the sheep one from behind.'
Scottish farmers gave The Student the same answer. Maybe it was something to do with Great Britain or something ... so he travels to Europe.
All across Greece, Turkey, Italy, Austria, France ... no matter where he went he got the same answer 'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Take the sheep from behind.'
The Student began to get depressed. No matter where he went, would he ever get a different answer? Surely there must be someone, somewhere, that shagged sheep differently.
He travelled to the Southern Hemisphere.
At New Zealand he obtained the same answer to the same question.
'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Take the sheep from behind.'
Finally he manages to find a small outback farm in the middle of Australia. He approaches the sheep farmer and explains his predicament. Gladly the Australian sheep farmer explains his method.
'Well, you get the sheep; throw it on its back; spread its legs and then do the business.'
'Eh? ... ' replied The Student, incredulously. 'You don't put the legs in the wellingtons and take the sheep from behind?'
'WHAT!?', says the Aussie Farmer ... 'And miss out on all the *kissing* ?'
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Taxidermist
Two Aussie sheep drovers are sitting in their tent after a hard days work. Because of the size of the property they work on, they are miles from home. In fact, they're bloody miles from anywhere, totally the back of beyond. They are both enjoying a beer under the shade of the awning of their tent when a man in a pin-striped suit, carrying a small brown briefcase and wearing a bowler hat passes by.
'Go and see who that bloody clown is, Bruce, he must be lost,' says the senior of the two.
So Bruce scampers off after the city type gent. After about fifty yards he catches him up.
'Scuze me mate, are you bleedin' lost or summat.'
'Not at all, my man. I am conducting some field work connected with my employment.' was the haughty reply.
'You must have a funny kind of job, mate. What do you do for a living?' said the drover.
'I am a taxidermist.'
'No good you being out here then, there's no taxi's in the outback.'
'You don't understand, I stuff animals for a living.'
The drover is shocked but eventually asks, 'What sort of animals do you stuff?'
'Well, I've stuffed all sorts in my time, fish, birds, snakes, rabbits, crocodiles and I even stuffed an emu once.'
The drover is now very suspicious,
'You ever stuffed a sheep?'
'Why certainly.'
When the sheep-man eventually returns to the tent his mate asks,
'Well, who was that bloody Charlie?'
'Nobody special,' was the reply, 'Just another drover.'
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Cornwall
A Yuppie, from the City of London, takes his young family out for a day in the country, driving along, and the 2 angelic kiddies cried (In an AWFULLY upper class voice)
'Daddy, Daddy, what is that strange beast ?'
'That, my children is a Cow.'
( National Curriculum doesn't cover Animals...)
More driving.
'Daddy, Daddy, What is that building ?'
'That, my children is a Tin Mine.' ( Driving in Magnificent Cornwall.)
More driving..
'Daddy, Daddy, What is that man doing ?'
'Well, I'm not exactly sure, my angels..'
'Oh, But Daddy, we want to know' Chorused the children.
So 'Daddy' parks up, and calls down to a man, bent over a sheep.
'I say, Country Yokel-Type person, are you shearing that sheep ?'
The Yokel replies 'Whaatt D'Yer Zay, M'boy ????'
'I said, are you shearing that sheep ?'
To which the yokel shouts, 'No - Bugger off and find yer own !!!'
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The Trial
A couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal an' all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw:
'Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.'
'And then what?' asked the prosecutor.
'Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.'
'And what happened after that?'
'Well,' said the witness, 'they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!'
Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, 'You know .. a good sheep'll do that.'
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Plane Crash
An American pilot named Sims and Polish co-pilot named Kowalski are flying a four-engine transport aircraft across country hauling a load of sheep.
When one of the engines conks out, Kowalski gets nervous, but Sims magnetos calm him. 'We can still make it easily to our destination on three engines,' he says.
An hour later a second engine falters and stops running. Kowalski is sweating now and getting more nervous. 'Calm down,' Sims says. 'We're at 30,000 feet. We can still reach our destination by entering a shallow dive.' And Kowalski returns to normal.
An hour later a third engine ceases to function. Kowalski is nearly frantic, but Sims comes through again. 'We're very close to our destination now, and we still have plenty of altitude. I promise you we'll make it!' And Kowalski is okay again.
Fifteen minutes later they're down to 5,000 feet altitude, 75 miles short of their destination, and the last engine quits.
Kowalski is in a frenzy of fear. And quite frankly, Sims is too. 'We have to bail out,' he says.
'But what about the sheep?!' Kowalski asks.
'Fuck the sheep!' Sims shouts.
'You mean we have time?' Kowalski says.
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Driving Test
An Aussie was taking his driving test and the instructor says 'Can you make a U-Turn'.
The Aussie replies, 'make her turn, I could make her eyes water'
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True story
True story on the sheep theme
Man is being prosecuted in Chester Crown Court for unnatural acts with a sheep. Prosecuting counsel wants to get away for an early bath so he says to the defence barrister that a guilty plea from the defendant for attempting the said act would be acceptable to the Crown and the defendant would probably get away with a modest fine.
Defence barrister refuses to accept the offer. 'Why not?' asks the prosecutor.
'Well, if my client pleads guilty to attempt he will never be able to show his face in the pub again.'
Prosecuting counsel looks puzzled
'Just imagine', says defence counsel, 'the things people would say ....'
Prosecuting counsel looks even more puzzled
'..... here comes Dai - can't even fuck a sheep'
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New Use for Sheep
The Welsh Have invented a new use for sheep.
Wool.
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Questions
Why did God invent women????
Because he couldn't teach sheep to type!
Because sheep can't cook.
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Why then are there so many sheep in Wales?
Because God couldn't teach the Welsh to read.
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Whats the fastest thing in Wales?
A Virgin Sheep.
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Whats the second fastest thing in Wales?
The virgin sheep's shepherd.
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What do the welsh call a flock of sheep?
A Harem/Girl Friends/a good time etc....
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Why do men marry women?
Because sheep can't cook!
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What do you call a Welshman with more than one sheep?
A bigamist.
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What do you call a Welshman with 500 girl friends?
A Shepherd.
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Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
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Why are Border Collies so quick on their feet?
They've seen what happens to slow sheep.
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Why do so many Welshmen marry English women?
Because sheep can't fetch beer from the fridge.
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Why don't Scots count sheep to fall asleep?
Because they want to sleep, not have a wet dream.
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What do you call an Irishman with a sheep under his arm?
A pimp.
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Why did God create women ?
To give the sheep a rest.
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What do you call an Irishman with sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other?
A bisexual.
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Why do Australian like sheep so much?
Because kangaroos are just too damn fast!
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What's the most common excuse used by American sheep farmers?
I was just helping this sheep over the fence. Honest!
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Why do kangeroos jump so high?
They have seen what happen to the sheep.
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Why do Australians screw sheep?
For the shear pleasure of it.
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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a Kangaroo
A wooly jumper
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Where do you get virgin wool?
Ugly Sheep
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Elephants
What do Elephants use as tampons?
Sheep.
Morals
What is the moral of the story ?
Don't wear red sweaters.
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Tampons
There's the old story of elephants using sheep for tampons but the stopped.
They were getting toxic flock syndrome.
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Tails
Why do sheep have tails?
So elephants can pull them out.
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Used Sheep
When a sheep is rammed, does it then become ewes'd?
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Irishman
What do you call an Irishman with a sheep under his arm?
A pimp.
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Irishman
What do you call an Irishman with sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other?
A bisexual.
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Top 3 sheep shagging tips..
1.Place sheep on back. This allows you to French Kiss the sheep at the same time (Plus it can't run away).
2.Shag your sheep near the edge of a cliff, this causes the sheep to push back harder.
3.Always wear 501 jeans. Sheep can hear zippers from 100 yards!
4.
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Local customs
A Londoner visiting an upland region and a local shepherd were tending sheep in the mountains when they came across an ewe with her head caught in a fence.
The shepherd dropped his trousers, got down on his knees and had his way with the ewe.
Satisfied, the shepherd buttoned up and turned to the Londoner.
'Fancy a go?' asked the shepherd
'Don't mind if I do...' said the Londoner, so he drops his trousers, gets on his knees, and sticks his head in the fence.....
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Wales
Where men are men and sheep are nervous....
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All tangled up
Two old Welsh farmers were walking out in the field one day and they spotted a sheep tangled in the wire fence.. 'Boyyo!' said the first farmer 'I wish that was a woman all tangled up in that there fence.'
The other farmer said 'I just wish it was dark!'
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BSE
Recently, almost everyone has heard about the 'Mad Cow' dieease, which has been linked to a fatal human disorder. But, what most people don't know is that it originated in sheep.
Until, of course, the lonely Scots got a hold of it, and spread it to other barnyard animals.
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Light bulb
How many New Zealanders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first.
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Jose
Jose and his son were sitting on top of a hill, outside the township that Jose had founded. Jose turned to his son and began to speak.
'My son, I trecked through uncharted wilderness and many dangers to find the place to build this fine town, but do they call me 'Jose the explorer'? No.'
'And I built the beginnings and majority of this town. Eight out of ten homes were built by my hands,' he indicated towards the town, 'but do they call me 'Jose the constructor'? No.'
'And I farmed five thousand acres of land with no aid from anybody, with cattle, sheep, and a great deal of produce, but do they call me 'Jose the farmer'? No.'
'But you fuck one lousy goat....'
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Reasons why Sheep are better than Women:
Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth
You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear
Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather
Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease
Nuttin' beats mutton
Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel
Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be
home early
Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down
Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them
No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe
Sheep are never concerned about their reputation
Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up
Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time
Sheep never insist on eating out
You'll never catch your sheep masturbating
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