Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member
Involuntary Muscle Contractions

... A professor at the University of Georgia was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students


Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know
what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom............

:peace:
cof
 
curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member

Great Truths

​
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to payoff with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-- Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan(1986)

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-- Voltaire(1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-- Pericles (430B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain(1866)

17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
--Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
-- Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-- Thomas Jefferson

25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
--Aesop

:peace:
cof




 
curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .
And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a
'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2.. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - H e is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE.'​
[HR][/HR]

[HR][/HR]​
:peace:
cof
 
ANC

ANC

Well-Known Member
Harare - Water is flowing again to a small, arid town in northern Zimbabwe after a traditional ceremony was held to appease "mermaids" who had been terrifying engineers trying to start the pumps at a nearby dam, officials said Sunday.
Water Resources Minister Sam Nkomo had told Parliament last week that operations to commission pumps at a dam at Gokwe town were halted after frightened workers found the machines had "broken down under unclear circumstances and without any traces of vandalism".
Trouble with "mermaids" was also reported at the major Osborne Dam in eastern Zimbabwe, Nkomo said. Divers with aqualungs where dispatched to investigate the cause of the blockages there, but returned to the surface pledging to never go back down.
"That was when we hired white consultants, thinking our people were vulnerable because they are Africans. But the whites too vowed never to go back there," Nkomo said.
In some sub-Saharan African traditions, mischievous water spirits feature prominently, and are referred to as "mermaids" in English.
The problem at Gokwe was solved late last week, however, when the water ministry hired traditional healers to conduct propitiatory rituals, said Chengeto Gozo, area manager for the Zimbabwe National Water Authority.
The rituals included brewing beer to placate the creatures.
"I do not believe in mermaids, but the community that lives in the area does," said Nkomo, the minister, about Gokwe. Ceremonies would now be held at the Osborne Dam as well.
- SAPA


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http://www.news24.com/Africa/Zimbabwe/Zimbabwe-mermaids-appeased-at-pumphouse-20120212
 
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