Ladies, have you ever felt like you might be in a potentially dangerous situation?

schuylaar said:

agreed, but there must be more to the story sorry to say..

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ruderalis88 said:

Not sure what the IT crowd gif is meant to mean..


Gonzo the fact that you wouldn't normally perceive those acts as sexual assault is indicative of the problem i'm talking about!

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ruderalis88 said:

Yeah this is a very sensitive subject. I've never actually been raped, but i have been sexually assaulted, and i have been sort of cornered into sex with guys for fear that if i say no it'll happen anyway. I'm a lesbian, and i don't actually enjoy having sex with guys, but there you go.
I've been in a LOT of situations where i've been afraid of what might be going to happen and have had to do things like say i'm going to the bathroom and sneak out/make up a boyfriend or brother who's coming to meet me/say i'm HIV positive (i'm not).

Separately, about 70% of my female friends have been either raped or sexually assaulted, and only about 15% of them have ever reported it. It's a serious problem. Especially in a culture (generalising western culture here, i'm Scottish) where rape is seen as a joke or "not that bad". If there's no consent, it's rape - end of.
All the victim blaming and rape apology stuff is just SO prevalent, just look at the Stuebenville (sp?) coverage. There was that girl in Halifax who was so bullied after being raped that she killed herself. And of course there are still all the jokes like "How do you piss off a feminist? Rape her." etc etc.
Anyone who says it's a woman's responsibility to avoid getting raped (eg don't dress like that, don't get drunk, don't kiss guys if you don't want to have sex with them, etc) is making the problem worse. The only solution is for guys to stop raping.

Possibly interestingly, most of my gay male friends have been raped but none of the straight ones. The problem in prisons is completely horrendous - i don't mean to detract from that or from the number of men who are victims (nor indeed the women who are rapists) but outside of prison, the onus really is on men raping women.

Interesting topic though, never thought i'd see a guy opening a thread like this on RIU!

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dr.gonzo1 said:

You're so so right. Never really thought about it but I guess sexual assualts happen all the time and are not seen as so.

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ruderalis88 said:

Not sure what the IT crowd gif is meant to mean..
....snip....

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schuylaar said:

Good post and I agree with you..I'm just not sure how sexual orientation comes into play..being lesbian = being heterosexual when it comes to "no"..just because we "like" men does not mean we like it or approve better than LGBTers..imo.

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curious2garden said:

It was made in response to your saying, "

Originally Posted by ruderalis88

...snip...i think all of the english-speaking West (UK, USA, Canada etc) has a terrible problem with rape culture. .......snip......."

In the western world women actually have it MUCH better than some other places. Then again I'm a woman who has traveled extensively. But I'm sure it's worse here and I'm just wrong as usual. At least if we get raped here they can't stone us to death for it.

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ruderalis88 said:

I'm keen not to come off as one of those mental feminists that linger online these days, but yup! And all the "it wasn't rape, they just regret it now" stuff...adds up to a real problem. A pal of mine recently reported a rape and my gf had to go give a statement cause she knew the guy who's been accused. The polis were just like "uhuh, yup, ok, so really if [he] came and said he was drunk and they had sex we could charge [her] with rape?". It doesn't give me much faith!

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dr.gonzo1 said:

You're so so right. Never really thought about it but I guess sexual assualts happen all the time and are not seen as so.

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schuylaar said:

oh then in THAT case may i include:

cousin
uncle
employers (several different)
indirect employers (those who have bearing on your income)
ex-boyfriend (including strangulation)
husbands of friends

NONE of which was ever reported..unfortunately, most men have the strength to overpower a women..period

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dr.gonzo1 said:

Not coming off as "one of those mental feminists" at all. Seem like an inteligent woman with a personal interest in this subject.

Whats your thoughts on the withdrawal of consent after the fact? Believe Sweden and a few states in America have such a clause/law.

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ruderalis88 said:

Why thank you very much. In "real life" i do hang out with some radical fems (and lots of them are fannies) so I'm always keen to point out that while i am a feminist, that means nothing more to me that a belief in equality of gender. For me, feminism should be the default.

Withdrawal of consent...I dunno. It's a very grey area. I think the fear that such a clause may be used in a negative way, as with those "she jst regrets it" ways, is unfounded (particularly in statistics) but there is such a possibility. It would be useful in cases where a victim is coerced into consenting. In those cases there is consent - but there shouldn't be, if you know what I mean, so it should probably still be classed as rape or sexual assault. I can't help thinking, though, that if social action moved towards less sexism/misogyny in society then there would be less of a need for such a clause; the problem would be solved bottom-up instead of top-down. If that makes sense?

What do you think of it?

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schuylaar said:

well i have two lists, those you don't know and those you know..those that i know:

cousin
uncle
employers (several different)
indirect employers (those who have bearing on your income)
ex-boyfriend (including strangulation)
husbands of friends

NONE of which was ever reported..unfortunately, most men have the strength to overpower a women..period.

damn! i missed so many good blackmailing opportunities..

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ruderalis88 said:

Ahahaha good shout my friend! You also seem nice. Wouldn't it be crazy if it turned out we knew each other in real life?!

@Padawan - What do you mean by "legitimate" sexual assaults? Like "legitimate rape"?

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ruderalis88 said:

Yeah i got that, just didn't get what the gif was saying in response to that. I haven't said - and wouldn't, because i don't believe it, that things are *worse* in the western world. But I do think they're pretty effing bad.

Strangely enough, i'm also a woman who has traveled extensively. You seem to be getting a bit aggro that I have a different opinion...what's that about?

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