Discussion in 'Stonable Quotables' started by Mr. Bongwater, Nov 17, 2014.
Before we were married I was banging my 1st wife's roommate.
She never found out.
as long as it was before you were married.....
a couple buds and I went to a Bubbapalooza in Calgary Alberta, after the show we hit a strip club with some of the Bubba crew and between going outside and getting high and drinking in the bar we were all kinds of fucked up. we walked from the peeler bar down the street to an all night Subway sandwich joint and ordered some subs. as we were standing in the parking lot chowing on these subs this Jamaican guy comes up to us all excited saying something was wrong with his car, and could we come have a look at it. as we walked over to it he says it's making a terrible noise...the guy had a right rear tire completely destroyed. it's a late 90's Grand Am, we tell him to get the spare and he says there isn't one. we tell him sure there is, and get him to pop the trunk. sure enough, under the carpet is one of those donut emergency spares and this guy is beside himself saying he never knew about that spare hidden in there. he's got no idea how to change it, so my buds and I dig out the jack and the wrench and proceed to do it for him, at 4 am in a Subway parking lot. this guy is super stoked, and says he will take us anywhere we want to go. we ask him if he can find us some coke, he says "you bet! get in!" so we bail into his car and away we go. about a half hour we roll up to this house, and buddy says he'll be right back. doesn't want cash or anything, says he'll grab us a ball and be out in a jiffy. as we're waiting my buddy says "hey...let's steal this fucking car."
we all laugh...then think...you know, that sounds like a fuck of a plan. I bail into the driver's seat and we're off. we rat bagged this dude's car all around downtown Calgary and about an hour into our joyride this Dodge pickup pulls up beside us and it's the guy and his buddies, they're waving a heater yelling at us to pull over. so we bolt, these guys hot on our heels chasing us around. pretty soon a cop sees us speed by and now it's on. I ended up driving this guy's car down a set of pedestrian stairs and the truck runs into one of the cement barriers either side of the steps we managed to squeeze through, we crank a left and park in an alley and scatter like roaches. last we saw of them was the cop jamming his car up against the truck as we disappeared. we walked about a mile back downtown to our hotel and laughed like retards. got away clean, headed back up north the next day.
that's my story.
1. in highschool i would go over to this girls house whom i was dating at the time and one day we were having sex in the living room her dad wasn't even supposed to be home but he walked in on us and my dick was still inside of her plus my pants were totally off while she was naked and on her knee's. i seen him come in, pushed her off me and she turned around and told me "wtf!?" because she didn't know her dad walked in and i told her lol. grabbed my pants put it on backwards and i fucking RAN home. i live about a 10 minute walk from her house. since then i never wanted to go back to her house ever again but i did. her mom was PISSED.. and her dad was pissed too but you could tell he was trying to be nice but you got the sense that he wanted to cut my dick off.
2. in highschool my friend used to slang he did that pretty much in his van he had one of those old box shaped vans and we would just chamber in there and drive around to the beach and stuff. one day we were going home from the beach it was raining hard though and a cop was infront of us and i thought it would of been funny to wave it around in the air in the car jokingly to piss everyone off but then right when i held it in the air the cops sirens and lights came on and were all panicking. we quickly put it back in the bag and his sirens went off. at that point we all thought we were going to jail.
Back before they had xray for people at the airports I was flying coast to coast and at the layover I went outside to smoke a cigarette. The thing was, I had crotched an 1/8 of some weed before going through security at the first airport and then put in in my carry-on backpack after I got through. I completely forgot about it until I was in the security line to get back into the layover airport after my cigarette. FUCK. So I'm standing in line, airport security looking right at me, 2 more people then it's my turn. Keep in mind, this happened when weed hadn't been legalized for anything yet. So as I'm putting everything in trays I reach into my backpack after unzipping it, palm the bag and use the same hand to put my laptop in a tray. Then as I was taking off my belt I slipped the bag back behind the top of my jeans under the elastic band, took a deep breath and hoped that shit wouldn't fall out for at least 20 more feet. I pulled it off without skipping a beat and felt like a fucking magician afterward. They never found the 1"x"3x1/2" block of hash that was in my tool pouch inside my checked suitcase either. Got home and got BAKED!
I've used to grow in hotel rooms (successfully I might add) ended up doing journals online of them also! Never mentioning it was a major hotel group in a or there New England area......hey those who love this cultivar will do what gots to be done!
Couple times I flew domestically with 6 pounds in my carry on bag. One time my bag went through the scanner, as it was coming out the security dude backs up the belt so my bag is going back into the scanner for a second look, at that point I reach in and grab my bag and say thanks! and keep walking...close one..that was before all the security theater they have now though.
Smoking weed in the bathroom during work break.
Separate names with a comma.