A Prayer to the Lord (Languagee Revised for the 21st Century).

NorthofEngland

NorthofEngland

Well-Known Member
Dear God,
You are one fucking AMAZING dude!
You can do everything, everywhere, to anyone
AND you're INVISIBLE!
We think your Son, Jesus, was fabulous.
He's the most popular son of a virgin, impregnated by a God
that the earth has ever known
If he was alive today
He'd be more popular than The Beatles AND Miley Cyrus, COMBINED!
But YOU, GOD, are even MORE ADMIRED than JC.
When you made the World
Six thousand years ago
You installed bits that convincingly demonstrated that it was MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD
So you obviously have a whacky sense of humour
And the stories you sent to the publishers of your book - The Bible
included talking snakes and singing bushes
and you endorse limitless love
as well as slavery and genocide
So you're also quite a complex character.
You also vouch for absolute forgiveness
but you have been used as justification for countless executions.
And you never did a thing to stop them....
You are the tops.
Just one more thing, God.
Why did you design testicles to dangle in a flimsy, skin sack?
Bit of a fucking flaw, don't you think?
Testicles would be better off in mass of muscle,
caged in thick bone
In a place where it would be almost impossible to kick them,
or for dogs to bite them
or to get them caught in a conveyer belt
whilst having sex with a co-worker
at the Foxes Biscuits Factory in Batley, West Yorkshire.
But you, God, in your infinite and infallible wisdom
decided that testicles should hang
in a pouch that resembles a soft walnut
with hairs like a rambutan
and a propensity to sweat.
You are a brilliant God
Thanks for being so brilliant
If you went on Pop Idol YOU WOULD WIN
EVEN IF YOU JUST SAT DOWN AND WASHED A WHORES FEET
YOU ARE THE BEST GOD, EVER.
CHEERS
AMEN.
 
SunnyJim

SunnyJim

Well-Known Member
You're like this anti-religion fanatic. I'm trying to figure out what separates you from a religious fundamentalist, as you're both desperate to spread your message to the world.

For someone who doesn't believe in any God, you seem pre-occupied to the point of obsession with the concept of faith. Smoke a joint and let it go, man. You'll sleep better.
 
NorthofEngland

NorthofEngland

Well-Known Member
Dogmatic Atheism
That's anti-religion taken to extremes.

I just refuse to show religion any reverence or respect.

In our times whenever someone says something completely unacceptable
but then says:
"It's part of my religion"
or
"It's part of my culture"
no one will criticize it.

"We blind every fourth baby born, in the Church of the Circumcised Sombrero because, in Shalamar V6,Ch 7 it says 'Of every eight eyes, God enjoys only six to shine'"
"You blind new born babies...?"
"Yes, it's my religion"
Oh well then....Carry on.

Every year hundreds of babies bleed to death or die from infection after having their foreskins sliced off.
It has NO merits whatsoever but 'It's part of my religion AND my culture'.
Genitally mutilating their own babies is how believers of backwards, retrograde ceremonies throw a fucking party....
 
F

fr3d12

Well-Known Member
NorthofEngland said:
Dear God,
You are one fucking AMAZING dude!
You can do everything, everywhere, to anyone
AND you're INVISIBLE!
We think your Son, Jesus, was fabulous.
He's the most popular son of a virgin, impregnated by a God
that the earth has ever known
If he was alive today
He'd be more popular than The Beatles AND Miley Cyrus, COMBINED!
But YOU, GOD, are even MORE ADMIRED than JC.
When you made the World
Six thousand years ago
You installed bits that convincingly demonstrated that it was MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD
So you obviously have a whacky sense of humour
And the stories you sent to the publishers of your book - The Bible
included talking snakes and singing bushes
and you endorse limitless love
as well as slavery and genocide
So you're also quite a complex character.
You also vouch for absolute forgiveness
but you have been used as justification for countless executions.
And you never did a thing to stop them....
You are the tops.
Just one more thing, God.
Why did you design testicles to dangle in a flimsy, skin sack?
Bit of a fucking flaw, don't you think?
Testicles would be better off in mass of muscle,
caged in thick bone
In a place where it would be almost impossible to kick them,
or for dogs to bite them
or to get them caught in a conveyer belt
whilst having sex with a co-worker
at the Foxes Biscuits Factory in Batley, West Yorkshire.
But you, God, in your infinite and infallible wisdom
decided that testicles should hang
in a pouch that resembles a soft walnut
with hairs like a rambutan
and a propensity to sweat.
You are a brilliant God
Thanks for being so brilliant
If you went on Pop Idol YOU WOULD WIN
EVEN IF YOU JUST SAT DOWN AND WASHED A WHORES FEET
YOU ARE THE BEST GOD, EVER.
CHEERS
AMEN.
Click to expand...
:clap:

NorthofEngland said:
Dogmatic Atheism
That's anti-religion taken to extremes.

I just refuse to show religion any reverence or respect.

In our times whenever someone says something completely unacceptable
but then says:
"It's part of my religion"
or
"It's part of my culture"
no one will criticize it.

"We blind every fourth baby born, in the Church of the Circumcised Sombrero because, in Shalamar V6,Ch 7 it says 'Of every eight eyes, God enjoys only six to shine'"
"You blind new born babies...?"
"Yes, it's my religion"
Oh well then....Carry on.

Every year hundreds of babies bleed to death or die from infection after having their foreskins sliced off.
It has NO merits whatsoever but 'It's part of my religion AND my culture'.
Genitally mutilating their own babies is how believers of backwards, retrograde ceremonies throw a fucking party....
Click to expand...
Well said.
Don't forget the Catholic church, decades of juvenilicide, abuse and abuse being covered up by the hierarchy to protect the money making enterprise.
I'd prefer to be a so called heathen anyday.
 
Nevaeh420

Nevaeh420

Well-Known Member
I can see why people dont like the Biblical God and dont believe in the Biblical Jesus, Im one of the people that doesnt agree with much of the Bible.

But why dont you make up your own God? The Jews made up their own god and the Christians followed.

Let your inner god enlighten and guide you. Let you and your inner god dictate your beliefs and ideology. Let your inner god be your God. Let your inner god be yourself.

I believe we are all gods.

~PEACE~
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
Nevaeh420 said:
I can see why people dont like the Biblical God and dont believe in the Biblical Jesus, Im one of the people thar dont agree with much of the Bible.

But why dont you make up your own God? The Jews made up their own god ans the Christians followed.

Let your inner god enlighten and guide you. Let you and your inner god dictate your beliefs and ideology. Let your inner god be your God. Let your inner god be yourself.

I believe we are all gods.

~PEACE~
Click to expand...
So, let me get this straight: we have an inner god, and we are all gods. If we are gods, why do we need an inner god? And how did it get in there?
 
Nevaeh420

Nevaeh420

Well-Known Member
tyler.durden said:
So, let me get this straight: we have an inner god, and we are all gods. If we are gods, why do we need an inner god? And how did it get in there?
Click to expand...
I believe we are all gods.

Your inner god is your (best) conscience.

We were born gods, "made in the image and likeness of God", and we all have our inner god- our conscience

What Im saying is let your conscience be your (inner) god.

But its also possible that we are just animals and nothing is remotely divine about us, but I prefer to believe we're all a little divine. Divinity is subjective, so its simply My biased opinion.

~PEACE~
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
Nevaeh420 said:
I believe we are all gods.

Your inner god is your (best) conscience.

We were born gods, "made in the image and likeness of God", and we all have our inner god- our conscience

What Im saying is let your conscience be your (inner) god.

But its also possible that we are just animals and nothing is remotely divine about us, but I prefer to believe we're all a little divine. Divinity is subjective, so its simply My biased opinion.

~PEACE~
Click to expand...
I get it. Cool beliefs ;)
 
Nevaeh420

Nevaeh420

Well-Known Member
tyler.durden said:
I get it. Cool beliefs ;)
Click to expand...
Thanks.

Are you trying to discredit Me again in your signature? Whats the point that youre trying to prove here? Thats Ive been to some mental hospitals or the fact that the court printed the things I was saying on RIU as "evidence" against Me, or both?

I liked your old signature better, the one that said "I dont know why the alien was on My neighbors roof, but I have speculated its because Im Christ," or something like that.

~PEACE~
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
Nevaeh420 said:
Thanks.

Are you trying to discredit Me again in your signature? Whats the point that youre trying to prove here? Thats Ive been to some mental hospitals or the fact that the court printed the things I was saying on RIU as "evidence" against Me, or both?
Click to expand...
How can I discredit you with a direct quote from you, wouldn that be you discrediting yourself? I thought it was a succinct quote that shows that you've been hospitalized multiple times, once against your own will for which they used your crazy posts from RIU in order to achieve this. May be useful information for members in judging your credibility...



I liked your old signature better, the one that said "I dont know why the alien was on My neighbors roof, but I have speculated its because Im Christ," or something like that.
Click to expand...
I liked that one, too, but this one is better...
 
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