Your favorite sayings

during the day I say "yes dear" a lot. At night I rub my wife's head until she falls asleep, then I usually say "go to the light".

I also find myself saying "is it just me" all of the time. Usually it is.

Bugeye said:

More tired than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

I see, said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Fuck you, clown.

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How about....
More pissed off then a one armed man driving a stick shift in traffic

LOL @Clayton Bigsby

Singlemalt said:

LOL @Clayton Bigsby

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you can relate, no?

Indubitably

I like this one
Im gonna fuq u 3 weeks from sunday!

When someone's in a hurry I'll sometimes say "wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night"

yes, I know it's revved up like a duece

Let's make like a fetus and head out

Make like Tom and Cruz

"Off by a cunt hair"

Or my racist grandfathers fav. "Sticks out like a niggas dick at an asian orgy"

torontoke said:

"Off by a cunt hair"

Or my racist grandfathers fav. "Sticks out like a niggas dick at an asian orgy"

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lol

My ex whore's grandfather was an old Texan through and through. He said some of my favorites:

More twists than a pretzel factory

Slicker than a slop jar

Colder than a witches tit

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens

Drier than a popcorn fart


He told me one time that he was a man of integrity. Hahaha. This is making me laugh thinking of him... Then he says in this super deep, sloooowwwww drawl "if I say a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing for the can."

grandpa used to say " that girl looks like dammit ill bite ya"

mom used to tell us when we were askin for it "yall dont believe fat meats greasy"

recently heard "if ur too fly for coach better get those arms and hands flailin and jump like van halen and pray for a damn tailwind"

i like "im out this bitch" lots of ways to finish it
like a miscarriage
like a hysterectomy
like tears for no reason
etc.

"the party dont stop till everybodys pregnant"

"dont be no bitch"

You cant excuse a dog after its done bit ya

oh yea and "arguing online is like being in the special olympics, even if u win, ur still retarded"

polo the don said:

I'm South Louisiana born and bred, Coon-Ass thru and thru.

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Ever been to Chauvin?
Know any Bergeron's?

ClaytonBigsby said:

"wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night"

yes, I know it's revved up like a duece

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For the longest time I actually thought those were the lyrics

Slicker than greased whale shit in an ice flow.
" " snot on a door knob.
" " cat shit on a linoleum floor

Nunya.

Busier than a one-armed man in a handshakin' contest.

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.

Looked like a monkey tryin' to fuck a football.

Darker than a well diggers ass. (back when they used shovels)

If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't even be able to blow your own nose.

Dummer than a box of rocks.

Doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

Cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey. (This one has naval origins, Google it.)

Doesn't know shit from shinola.

Finer than frogs hair.

Diabolical666 said:

How about....
More pissed off then a one armed man driving a stick shift in traffic

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I knew a one leg man that drove a stick shift. He turned the idle up so he could use the one leg on the clutch.


Here I sit broken hearted. Thought I had to shit and all I did was farted.

If its not broken don't fix it.

F**k em and feed em fish heads.

ur softer than a dick in the deep end

ebgood said:

ur softer than a dick in the deep end

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So cold my dick shriveled into a stack of buttons