So zi fucked again, whats new.

yeah you can do it brother it took me years of being in and out of jail and one trip to prison then one day i said enough , and i got to tell you all i do now is smoke pot and the quality of my life is somuch better ,YOU CAN DO IT I PROMISE YOU

Thank every2111111body, the strange thing about it is 90 percent of the time I am winning, my mind is clear, I understand that it will kill me, and I envision my daughter looking in my casket. And it is such a unbelievable HELL NO, but that 10 percent shows up and it is like I am on another planet, with no one the else around, and it feels so very good. I start taking and for the first week complete euphoria, then the walls begin to collapse, till everything is a living hell.

Clear my mind and I just completely forget about the hell, and all I think of is the euphoria..
Makes me wonder am I insane, or different from other people.
Should I move to a place where I will never see another human again.....

Mind TOTOALLy messed up right nowl
plantiviwion

Are you going to let Mr. 10% screw up your life? The drugs may be your escape, from what, thats always a matter of personal feelings, but for me it was depression and loneliness. I didn't have anyone like you do, and you have to realize how important those people are in your life... I mean to me, the feeling of having someone who cares about you is greater than any drug you'll ever do. And I have the same tendancy still, but I think it's because it's easy to be alone. You don't have to explain yourself, you can do what you wanna do, and you don't have to have any responsibilities. It sounds great but what are you really going to accomplish in this? Maybe you feel you don't need to accomplish anything and maybe you feel as though it's not important, but thats not YOU, thats the craving... If you already have a wife and family, if you've spent your life building up this, then look at this as one of many accomplishments that might never be available again.... just because of a drug...

This is just how I look at it, I'm not going to be spot on, but my main reason to do this is that I'm not trying to give you the answer, it's easy to listen and believe, but now you have to go out there and find what you can do in place of this. It may seem hard, but where there's a will there's a way, and you will find the way....

now if you find anything useful out of my rambling then i know i said something right

I like to use this quote too, like carl sagan once said, "an organism at war with itself, is doomed...."

This thread is just too sad. I hope your family situation turns out for you plantvision. You have to do this for yourself though. One love.

plantvision said:

Thank every2111111body, the strange thing about it is 90 percent of the time I am winning, my mind is clear, I understand that it will kill me, and I envision my daughter looking in my casket. And it is such a unbelievable HELL NO, but that 10 percent shows up and it is like I am on another planet, with no one the else around, and it feels so very good. I start taking and for the first week complete euphoria, then the walls begin to collapse, till everything is a living hell.

Clear my mind and I just completely forget about the hell, and all I think of is the euphoria..
Makes me wonder am I insane, or different from other people.
Should I move to a place where I will never see another human again.....

Mind TOTOALLy messed up right nowl
plantiviwion

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have you been on suboxone yet? a friend of mine has been struggling for a few years, finally got on suboxone, it works for him, actually i've seen suboxone help a few other people i didn't know as well also.. but i know my friend wouldn't be off opiates with out it.

plantvision said:

.

Makes me wonder am I insane, or different from other people.
Should I move to a place where I will never see another human again.....

Mind TOTOALLy messed up right nowl
plantiviwion

Click to expand...

Thats called stinking thinking. You will overtime be able to push those thoughts aside especially if a Higher Power removed the obsession. I learned to fill my time and energy and efforts doing positive things that did not reinforce the stinking thinking. Thats why they say 90 meetings in 90 days. I went into AA in case you had not noticed
In my case and many others that I witnessed, AA worked.

boneheadbob said:

Thats called stinking thinking. You will overtime be able to push those thoughts aside especially if a Higher Power removed the obsession. I learned to fill my time and energy and efforts doing positive things that did not reinforce the stinking thinking. Thats why they say 90 meetings in 90 days. I went into AA in case you had not noticed
In my case and many others that I witnessed, AA worked.

Click to expand...

Do your fellow AA members know you smoke weed? The AA'ers I've known look down on it.

I have not been to AA in over 16 years and I have not had a drink in almost 19

AA sucks and I spent lots of time in there miserable listening to idiots spout crap but I wanted to stay sober one day at a time more then I wanted to go out and drink/drug.
I learned lots about life and love and helping my fellow man there as well.

boneheadbob said:

I have not been to AA in over 16 years and I have not had a drink in almost 19

AA sucks and I spent lots of time in there miserable listening to idiots spout crap but I wanted to stay sober one day at a time more then I wanted to go out and drink/drug.
I learned lots about life and love and helping my fellow man there as well.

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See, I've seen people who are labeled alcoholics handle drinking okay once it's made alright in their household. So if your wife is always bitching at you not to drink, then you'll over do it. I've been to a million AA and NA meetings myself, and I didn't get off hard drugs until I stopped going to those meetings.

Thats why I dont say "my way is right"
Instead I share how I took the first three steps and God removed the obsession to drink that I lived under for 20 years.

Most people today have drug problems and may be better off going to NA and others are still too prideful to walk in and ask for help. Theres always lots of excuses for not doing everything and then some to defeat your demons. Its easier to succumb

AA is defently not for evreyone , personaly being around all those people listning to there stories would not help , i got sober when i was ready but for some people they just dont relize it in time good luck and i hope the best for you

Shit, Friday morning, my mind is just a cloud, don't have a clue what to do.

My eyesight will not come back either, been mixing chenicals like crazy.. God I do not want to go back to treatment.

Wife drove me there yesterday, and all is set to go, kinda wondering when the police are going to show up.

Feel like running, starting a new life. But my precisous daoghter. My wife I really could care less, she fucking hates me, told me last night about 30 times.

I just keep blinking in and out, somebody give me the easy answer,.

you have been on the easy answer for to long...there are no beneficial easy answers, u have to go through hell again to get back to heaven.

He said it brother, you KNOW the easy answer...you gotta get the courage to do the HARD one.

plantvision said:

Shit, Friday morning, my mind is just a cloud, don't have a clue what to do.

My eyesight will not come back either, been mixing chenicals like crazy.. God I do not want to go back to treatment.

Wife drove me there yesterday, and all is set to go, kinda wondering when the police are going to show up.

Feel like running, starting a new life. But my precisous daoghter. My wife I really could care less, she fucking hates me, told me last night about 30 times.

I just keep blinking in and out, somebody give me the easy answer,.

Click to expand...

Quit being so fucking weak, you have a family to worry about.

Yeah I understand, why cant I find moderation, preparing for a sweat lodge in the middle of nowhere.

No vehicles to get me anywhere just me and nature.

Sorry guys I am a hell of a nice person untill I overindulge. Right now I hate something not sure what though.

420God said:

Quit being so fucking weak, you have a family to worry about.

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Thanks brother, this is what I need to hear, you are a good friend.

I like ya man, you give out great advise and you're constantly helping people but this thread bothers the shit out of me.

I thought your were a stronger person than that, I hate seeing people go down this path.

You have more important priorities in your life that you need to worry about.

It may sound quacky,but pay attention to your mind state at all given times of any day,its not easy but try and try again until u feel the passing of another craving, focus of positive imagery is a key to helping u out of this state or find some kind of distraction anything you havent tryed in a while music,physical activity,walking/hiking anything to keep the mind off the easy button .-just sayin-

No matter where you go, there you are. You are the problem.
No matter what you try to do the outcome is always the same.
It sounds like you are sicker then most, being blinded and all and you have actually been to treatment a few times and you have an offer to go again?

Dude you are messed up, I suggest you ask God for help