So zi fucked again, whats new.

you have to hit rock bottom sounds like your wife and kids leaving is pretty close....................go to a N/A meeting alot of people may say is crack head shit but it saved my boys life GOT PICK UP A WHITE CHIP!!!!!!!!!!! and if your going to quit you need to quit smoking as well i love weed but weed leads to other things while your judgment is impaired

You can continue doing what you are doing or you can get on your knees and get to treatment.

U need help. I'm not saying that to be an ass. Your brain has figured out a way to control you through drug use. You have lost control. I hope you bottomed out this time because your kid will lose respect for you and you will lose your wife also, then the rest of your family. And then what will you have, RIU? Oh please...man up and get help

lowrider2000 said:

you have to hit rock bottom sounds like your wife and kids leaving is pretty close....................go to a N/A meeting alot of people may say is crack head shit but it saved my boys life GOT PICK UP A WHITE CHIP!!!!!!!!!!! and if your going to quit you need to quit smoking as well i love weed but weed leads to other things while your judgment is impaired

Click to expand...

I know Drug and Alcohol counselors who don't even subscribe to that shit. And it's their job to tell people what you're telling them.

Smoking weed impairs judgement so I'd want to go smoke crack or shoot dope? Naw man, I don't think so.

lol i know it sounds funny.............ive never even seen crak but its true some people have addictive personality's ive seen it my self........ my boy was clean for like 3-4 months smoked one blunt with me then snuck out got a bottle of gin....drove home that next day all depressed n shit next thing i know hes calling me while hes running from the cops. little did i know when he left (4 hour drive home he was visiting) he drank then whent to his coke hook up punched his step dad in the mouth and stole a car...........

it helped him clean 1year and like 3 months........

but one thing that N/A put in his head was that the second he hit the blunt one time, or took one sip he through away his sobriety and relapsed so he was like fuck it and went balls to the wall

jonblaze420 said:

I know Drug and Alcohol counselors who don't even subscribe to that shit. And it's their job to tell people what you're telling them.

Smoking weed impairs judgement so I'd want to go smoke crack or shoot dope? Naw man, I don't think so.

Click to expand...

and if you were a addict it would make you wanna do those things ...

kinda like going to a trance club if you have never rolled you would chill drink maybe smoke NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT ROLLING....i go to a trance club i wanna pop 4 beans and 2 bottles....fuck i get that feeling when i hear Darude - Sand Storm THAT SHIT MAKES YOU ROLL BALLZ!!!

boneheadbob said:

No matter where you go, there you are. You are the problem.
No matter what you try to do the outcome is always the same.
It sounds like you are sicker then most, being blinded and all and you have actually been to treatment a few times and you have an offer to go again?

Dude you are messed up, I suggest you ask God for help

Click to expand...

I have been on my knees praying, could it be I have a lesson to learn. Whether people believe it or not, and I know I have been chastised for it, mainly by Doc08, I have everything in life, my bank account is 7 digits, not bragging just stating the case. Do I need to give it all away, do I need to go to another country and live like a hermit. What does God want of me?

What does the world want of me? Just a couple weeks ago I seemed to have the answers, no I have NONE.

I am not trying to whine, just trying to find answers.

The only way to find relief from these nagging questions is to blast to another realm. Which seems futile also.

plantvision said:

I am just pissed off at myself, it is like I live in a great world, I have everything I want. But when confronted with the desicision it is like I fall into a different world.

Right now both wife and daughter left, I still am under the effects, and all I can think about is taking more.

Not looking for the sympathay vote, but I wonder maybe it is best for my daughter to move on, why should she have to go through the same shit I did when I was growing up.

I can use the soft drugs and get along fine, but my body SCREAMS for more. Is death the only way out of this, not contemplating it at all, but opiates and benzos just will not let me alone.

I have been through treatment 3 times, I have my plans written down, people to call, all means jack shit when your determined to get high.

Thanks for the kind words, keep them coming maybe something will stick. Now my body is just freaking for more, more, more. No fucking will power.

Click to expand...

I had a 2 year fight with benzos myself, lost all my friends, became a theif, got beat the fuck down by my dad, house shot up by someone I owned money too, all for drugs. The only thing that helped me was growing my own powerful herb and a good friend that would litteraly stay up at night to baby sit me and it would get physical if I tryed to leave. Try to find someone who has extra time and is willing to not give up on you. its a tough road period never mind walking it along.

lowrider2000 said:

and if you were a addict it would make you wanna do those things ...

kinda like going to a trance club if you have never rolled you would chill drink maybe smoke NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT ROLLING....i go to a trance club i wanna pop 4 beans and 2 bottles....fuck i get that feeling when i hear Darude - Sand Storm THAT SHIT MAKES YOU ROLL BALLZ!!!

Click to expand...

You don't know me.

Edit: Not to be a dick. But seriously.

jonblaze420 said:

You don't know me.

Edit: Not to be a dick. But seriously.

Click to expand...

honestly i could care less what you say jonblaze420..........i hope i helped good luck to yah plant

lowrider2000 said:

honestly i could care less what you say jonblaze420..........i hope i helped good luck to yah plant

Click to expand...

Thanks, I got 6 goin right now. Just had to transplant one this morning it was root bound.

The only place where you are safe right now is in treatment. You have proven time and again to yourself that you need some help.
The 12 steps worked for me but I actually believed they would help because I saw people in AA who worked the steps and stayed sober. The first step was easy, the second was almost as easy but I knew something would work because one again, living proof was at every meeting. Many stories as bad as mine and many people who had been sober for some time.
The bottom line is you can quit. You dont ever have to drug again as long as you live
When you get ready to take the third step, turn your life over to the God of the Bible, not a doorknob. The Creator of the universe wrote a book to help you understand who He is and how you should live your life.



1 We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him

plantvision said:

I have been on my knees praying, could it be I have a lesson to learn. Whether people believe it or not, and I know I have been chastised for it, mainly by Doc08, I have everything in life, my bank account is 7 digits, not bragging just stating the case. Do I need to give it all away, do I need to go to another country and live like a hermit. What does God want of me?

What does the world want of me? Just a couple weeks ago I seemed to have the answers, no I have NONE.

I am not trying to whine, just trying to find answers.

The only way to find relief from these nagging questions is to blast to another realm. Which seems futile also.

Click to expand...

The reason you dont know your way in this world is because it is all wrong.
Its the world, not you.

Maybe you should think about going to a Bible Believing Church and see if God prompts you to swallow your pride and ask for help during the altar call. You can sit there and walk out with noone the wiser or you grow a set of balls and you can hit your knees in the prescence of an allmighty God who can pluck the obsession straight from the flesh you reside in and give you an immortal soul that will reside in Heaven forever and ever

I am not lieing. I promise you that you dont ever have to use again and if you PM me I will find you a church near you.

I may just be planting seeds now but someday I pray you come to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour.

I lost my family before I found the strength to seek help. I was alone and had been trying to drink myself to death for almost a year. I was too big a puss to kill myself but drinking myself to death seemed rational. I was done to about 130 pounds and looked sick as hell. I came to in the apartment and looked through smoe stuff the ex had left and I found some notes she had written down.

One page said " you know when someone is the love of your life, when you love them like you love your children, I love Bob more then anything. He is a very good person, a hard worker, he makes me laugh and he is very intelligent, he is a great kisser, a earth shaking lover
and he is an alcoholic.

Well that hit me hard, it opened my eyes. I knew I was stinking drunk but something cut me to the bone when I read that. I have not had a drink since then and I walked into AA that afternoon. My old drinking/drugging buddy was sitting there when I walked in with a goofy grin on his face. He said sit down, this chair has your name on it.

My friend who later became my sponser told me the same things I am telling you. After that first meeting everyone held hands and said the Lords Prayer. A few people gathered around me and thought I needed to go to the hospital right away because of the shakes and withdrawls. I never saw anyone come in while I was there where people thought they were so sick they needed to call an ambulance. But some of us are sicker then others.

So over the next week I took the first two steps and 7 days later he took me to a house where Jesus/AA people lived. I was sorta a lowlife but this place was filthy and the people there were not like me. I disliked it right away.

Treatment is a good idea, but with something like 60% of drug users relapsing(god knows how many times), a treatment on your own terms is probably better. So long as you don't have physiological dependence to anything you should be safe, sorry I mean so long as you won't go through withdrawals.

I would suggest getting off of everything. The things your physician would give you generally mix very badly with most recreational drugs. Depends on what you have been using but you are probably burning yourself out. Losing your daughter could be detrimental condition or the push you need to get you better.

You need to have will power. Will power is the intention and ability to pursue a modulated activity basis in order to promote wellbeing for yourself and the community.

Your brains left hemisphere intends to keep things the way they are, keep you using drugs, to serve its own purpose which is likely a primal gratification or else an escape, or masquerade, from the reality of some aspect of your life. Your brains right hemisphere is trying to remould your world view, stop you behaving in the way you do, in order to help you survive or to help you regain social composure. Its a balancing act these two parts have to do to protect the 'person' from realizing that they exist at all.

A new city or country could be a good idea. So long as the move is comfortable, financially and with your family.

Because you can't see right now I suggest you stop using drugs of anykind. If you will go through withdrawals do small amount until you find the minimum dose to prevent withdrawals, find a substitute drug you can use to try and break habituation of that same pill or powder.

Its hard if you don't know the end game. Its even worse if you believe there is no underlying pattern to the world. Not god in particular, but a feedback pattern just like how our brains work. Infinite cycling that produces a series of events that are ultimately consistent and yet infinitely unique.

The world is amazing if you just stop and moderate how you look at it.

We never needed drugs, the drugs needed us!!

You know what your real problem is? You love playing the victim. it's not about the drugs. It's about you getting rescued. You are always looking for a savior or an epiphany from on high. You can stop the drugs anytime you want to. The thing is.. you don't want to. It's a great way to get attention. You have all those safety cushions to keep you from going too far. Your money. Your support people (and you are losing those one by one). Keep it up and you really WILL hit rock bottom. You don't want to be there. Trust me.

You're looking for an easy answer. There aren't any. There is just blood, sweat and tears. Hard work. Changes. Things YOU have to do that will turn your life around. These are things YOU have to do. No one else can do them for you. You talk about dying and your daughter looking in the casket. How romantic. The reality is, she will probably find you lying in your own shit and vomit and have to be the one to deal with it. All I see from you is complete selfishness.

You don't need treatment. You need therapy. Find a damn good therapist and deal with your shit. Quit making everyone else deal with it. All dying will do is leave behind some wrecked lives and years of damage and grief. Stop being a selfish asshole and start taking responsibility for your own life.

Fix yourself.

plantvision said:

I have been on my knees praying, could it be I have a lesson to learn. Whether people believe it or not, and I know I have been chastised for it, mainly by Doc08, I have everything in life, my bank account is 7 digits, not bragging just stating the case. Do I need to give it all away, do I need to go to another country and live like a hermit. What does God want of me?

What does the world want of me? Just a couple weeks ago I seemed to have the answers, no I have NONE.

I am not trying to whine, just trying to find answers.

The only way to find relief from these nagging questions is to blast to another realm. Which seems futile also.

Click to expand...

sounds like you're going through some profound changes. and i think they're for the better. i'll pray for ya pv but thats about all i can do atm. good luck and God bless