Most Stupid Things

at the office christman dinner, my girlfriend asked, "how do I look." and I answered honestly.

"that's a nice blouse. but you have better ones."

lessoned learned. she's been my wife for 3 years now so it turned out o.k. but damn that was a bad couple of hours.

Once i was really completly fried and i was smoking a ciggerette and i set it down for some reason or another and when i picked it back up i took a long drag off it and then my lips started hurting, i took a couple more hits off it and one of my friend said , Dude your joes in backwards! i turned it around and kept smoking on it. The next morning i woke up and went to brush my teeth, and i had a huge burn on my lips. it hurt for like 4 days

Sometimes (i just did it, lol), when I am smoking, I pack the bong bowl and have in my hand, instead of putting it in the bong, go to light it. Look down and just the bowl/slide is in my hand, ha ha. Too funny.

nongreenthumb, Are or were you in the military? just wondering about the u/w joke.

man this ones pretty bad but i'll tell it anyway. i was driving to my parents house which is like 3 hours away from my own for fathers day weekend. i smoked a joint i had prepared for the weekend then at this point i was like 15 mins from gettin there and hadnt had to stop once but i had to piss so bad so i decided id pee in this cup i found in my backseat from wendys. so everythings going good and im peein and i forgot that i had put my phone between my legs (i put it there so i dont lose it......it happens from time to time) well anyway im peein and all the sudden my phone just starts vibratin and i look down and the cup im peein is has a huge hole in the bottom and my phone is gettin soaked in piss, man i was so pissed. needless to say it didnt work anymore i had to get another one that weekend.

Alright once at a cousin's birthday party that I was hosting at my house. we decided to get out the good stuff instead of the schwag she had brought, needless to say ALL of us were baked silly. So One of her friends start singing some song about pink elephants. to which I replied," There are no pink elephants you silly girl, you need to be worrying about the purple chimps jumping on your head." At that point everyone started staring at her head expecting there to be a purple monkey on her head. then someone told me "well there's a mongoose chewing at your eyelids" I started freaking and put duct tape over my eyes and stayed that way till I woke up the next morning. Goddamn did I feel stupid afterward.

I went to Amsterdam for a short break. I leave my wife in the hotel to get dressed and tell her I am going to the reception to get a phone directory for a resterant. Instead I sneak out and go around the corner and smoke a joint of Ice white quickly. I got so stoned I couldnt remember where the hotel was and for a good few minutes what country I'm in. I was wandering around in circles. I had to phone my wife to fetch me. She still brings it up.

I remember in my younger years having a session at a mates house, there was about four of us sitting around smoking a bag of this Weed we had just got, after a pretty serious session lasting a couple of hours, One mate choked on this bong that he just had, he reached for the nearest thing that looked like a drink, he found the Coke can in the middle of the table that everyone had been ashing there cigarettes in for about an hour. Fucked we laughed, poor bastard spewed his guts up

Alright I was 17 or so at a friends house at a party after a long day of drinking, smoking, and acid. I had some oil and a dude at the party got excited and wanted to do knives. So we pull out the torch and knives and away we go, well its now my turn and I forget I have a white hot knife in one hand and a bent up safety pin in the other. well of course being used to hash not oil i press hard and melt my whole upper lip real bad. I had to deal with that on 4 well dosed sugar cubes of acid for another 8 hours. I felt pretty stupid and looked pretty fucked up for the rest of the party and then school until I healed.

NO GROW said:

One time I was sitting up late as hell and I couldnt sleep so I thought I would (milk my snake) if you know what I mean. I thought maybe it would help me sleep. So anyway i'm doing the deed and I wake up with my viana sausage in my hand. LOL I fell asleep on my couch in the middle of masterbation.

I thought it was hilarious.

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Hahahahaha I guess it worked.

i had basbeall praktice for highscool baseball (mad high and late) so i was doin the warm up runnin drills and i fell and the grass felt so good i just layed there laffing till my coach told me to get up and yelled his ass of at me while the others looked on and laffed too lol

I worked at a pharmacy for a couple years and one time after a huge smokeout i slept at my friends house and had to work in the morning. I get up im feeling great Im on time and in uniform the begining of a good day. about ten minutes into my shift my boss comes in and he looks really serious he says I look like I need a couple days off and I should go home right now I protest of coarse and he tells me to go home anyway so I get to my house and go to the bathroom and as I walk by I realize there is an enormous cock and balls sharpied on my cheek squirting in my eye....

on regular occasion, i will come to a complete stop.

at a greenlight.

kp

ha ha ha ha lol lol lol that was fuckin hilarious!

I remember this one time at band camp LOL

Nah seriously a mate and I a few years back went fishing, we drove about 70kms to this spot drinkin and smokin all the way and all day, On the way back after catching a few fish we came to a gate as we were on a cattle property, we decide we would drive through the shut gate in his little suzuki just like in the movies you know.

We hit this gate with the Suzuki and the bonnet got caught in the mesh and spun us around 360, no worries we thought lets get the Fuck out of here, we got about 1 km down the road and the car breaks down, we had blown a hole in the radiator and cooked the motor, we had to walk no shit about 15km across a Desert like country back to the main highway with one pair of thongs between us, by the time we got back to town and got another car and went back to the fucked one, we were well and truly sober and this fish had gone rotten, DICKHEADS!!!

I've ate about 5 pounds of pork-fried rice today.


Yesterday we went on a fishing trip smokin the whole time, we smoked a nick between 4 of us. didnt catch a damn thing.

MorningYearning said:

I worked at a pharmacy for a couple years and one time after a huge smokeout i slept at my friends house and had to work in the morning. I get up im feeling great Im on time and in uniform the begining of a good day. about ten minutes into my shift my boss comes in and he looks really serious he says I look like I need a couple days off and I should go home right now I protest of coarse and he tells me to go home anyway so I get to my house and go to the bathroom and as I walk by I realize there is an enormous cock and balls sharpied on my cheek squirting in my eye....

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LMAO.........Dick face....lol

MorningYearning said:

I worked at a pharmacy for a couple years and one time after a huge smokeout i slept at my friends house and had to work in the morning. I get up im feeling great Im on time and in uniform the begining of a good day. about ten minutes into my shift my boss comes in and he looks really serious he says I look like I need a couple days off and I should go home right now I protest of coarse and he tells me to go home anyway so I get to my house and go to the bathroom and as I walk by I realize there is an enormous cock and balls sharpied on my cheek squirting in my eye....

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HAHA! Something similar happened to me too!
Except I was completely drunk, and my friend's sister decided to draw penises, and doodle all over my body!
I had a huge cock on my back, but I cant say I didnt enjoy it

NO GROW said:

LMAO.........Dick face....lol

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He said "dick face"

anyone ever fart and shit themselves?