Kids say the darndest things...

Discussion in 'Toke N Talk' started by neosapien, Jan 31, 2017.

    v.s one

    v.s one Well-Known Member

    A while back me and my wife and daughter were at the doctor. We're sitting in the room waiting for the doc. Me and my wife start talking about what we're getting my son for his B day. Well my daughters starts getting jealous, and we're trying to teach her it's not good. I start teasing her saying "you got jelly in your belly". She gets mad and looks at me and says" you have jelly in your butt". We were rollling after that . The nurse even came in asked if we're having a good time.
    dangledo, Possum1, Singlemalt and 6 others like this.

    whitebb2727 Well-Known Member

    This was back when we went on vacation. The kids took their tablets. One of them gets stepped on and the screen gets extremely cracked.

    Not only did the kids not tell me they tried to get one over on me.

    I mention it going down the road and without missing a beat my middle one says "its not cracked. Its that app that makes it looked cracked." He then proceeds to show me one of the other tablets with the cracked screen app running.

    What could I do. Lying makes me mad. On the other hand it was such a good try I had to laugh.

    giglewigle Well-Known Member

    lol why do i always picture evryone one here youngbyoure all old as fuck lol
    v.s one likes this.
    v.s one

    v.s one Well-Known Member

    My daughter has been misbehaving lately. Yelling at her mom kicking and punching her brothers. "So I told my wife she needs a spanking." My wife says fine I will do it. My wife tells her to clean up and my daughter yells I AM. My wife goes come here I'm going to spank you. My daughter runs away and tells her your not suppose to hit girls. We start laughing .
    Venus55, dangledo, neosapien and 3 others like this.

    Possum1 Well-Known Member

    Literally yesterday. Could tell daughter was pooping, pulled top of diaper away to see if she got it out, poop on finger. 1/4 inch from coming out top. Get her and put 2 paper towels down as I know it's squishing out when I lay her down (#experience) Get diaper off and cleaning up, big grunt, poops again, catch most with baby wipe. Coughs twice, poop on arm up to my elbow.
    This morning walking into school after hitting deer. Daughter tells wife "We've had quite a morning"! Cheesy I know, but where do they learn this stuff.
    Runs to class in middle of announcements and yells "We had a deer crash!"
    Must be doing something right, as her main worry this morning was I need to take him home and hang him up so we can eat it.

    Possum1 Well-Known Member

    Didn't want to carry daughter out to the car this morning. Told her she's a big girl and can walk herself. After thinking for a second she looks at me and says in all seriousness, "You'll pay for this."
    I might be a little scared.

    whatscooking Member

    A buddy and his wife were telling me about a time when their very young son just happened to pop up along beside the bed as they were hot and heavy into sex. The little boy popped up and said, it will be ok mommy.
    The Outdoorsman

    The Outdoorsman Well-Known Member

    Ok so I was maybe 6yo chasing my brother. stopped mid sprint. pulled down my pants, took a crap pulled them back up and kept running. Dad said it was one of the funniest things hes seen

    Singlemalt Well-Known Member

    A dish best served cold. You are doomed

    jerryb73 Well-Known Member

    Today my daughter asks if I can wink, I wink at her once with each eye. She says," you have ambidextrous eyes" lmao!!!

    ANC Well-Known Member

    The other day my wife was nagging the 5-year-old about a missing toy.
    She just cut my wife off saying "don't start with that again!"

    giglewigle Well-Known Member

    lol i rememeer when my niece was at that age where there talking but learning new words n lik reapering them shed randomly start saying fuk it lol was aslways in public to

    ANC Well-Known Member

    It is strange my daughter hasn't picked it up yet, I curse like a sailor.
    Bet she could make your ears ring in English and Afrikaans if proded... she has a mean streak.
    Bareback, jerryb73 and giglewigle like this.

    lokie Well-Known Member

    My grandsons 3rd birthday party was in our restaurant.

    I could see the by look on his face his mind was working on something
    when all of a sudden he whipped out one of these with a look of pride.

    LOL, little fucker. :finger:

    That's the only time I ever saw him do that, but now at 19
    his attitude has not changed much. I guess it has something to do with the red hair.:fire:

    ANC Well-Known Member

    Jimmyjonestoo likes this.

    neosapien Well-Known Member

    Uhhhhhhhh. Just had one of those super embarrassing kid moments. So embarrassing. We're checking out of the grocery store and our clerk is not the most attractive woman. She is quite ambiguous looking actually. I thought she was a man til I saw her name tag said Jocelyn. Doesn't matter until the
    little one says "excuse me daddy, why does that man have nail polish, he's a man." I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to say and acted like I didn't hear her and hurried out. Uhhhhhhhh..

    InigoMontoya Well-Known Member

    Went to a Chinese restaurant with some family and we were greeted by an Asian lady and the 4 year old of the groups jaw dropped when she said hello and was like "you speak English??" :shock: *dead silence*

    lokie Well-Known Member

    My sister used to have a neighbor who's favorite phrase was "Mother Fucker".
    MF this, MF that, MF all yall.

    It was no big surprise that when his kid started to talk one of the first things you could
    hear him say was "Bucka Bucka".:mrgreen:

    RetiredGuerilla Well-Known Member

    Long time ago my kindergartner brought home some pictures done in crayon for science. Until I came to one that looked like a crooked hypodermic needle. I asked what it was and they said tincha burr. I'm like what's a tincha burr? OHHHH ..Trying to say temperature because it was a thermometer. Sooooo cute

    jacksmuff Well-Known Member

    kid said his first words today. it was @neosapien has a small dick. I was so proud.

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