I would be an asshole
- Thread starter mora
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UncleBuck
Well-Known Member
also, you mentioned the birth control that limits her to twice a year: is it seasonale (a pill), depo-provera (a shot), the one that goes under the skin (implant), or another? yasmin, to the best of my knowledge, does not limit menstruation in the fashion the OP described.
could be a factor that neither of you are actually aware of.
could be a factor that neither of you are actually aware of.
MellowFarmer
Well-Known Member
the only reasonable time Ever to not allow a man porn is when he isn't putting out!
I'm sorry but I have to side with Johnny -if you haven't done anything to piss her off not feeling well would excuse a BJ but why not offer you an easy lay on her back pity fuck on your Birthday?
I'm sorry but I have to side with Johnny -if you haven't done anything to piss her off not feeling well would excuse a BJ but why not offer you an easy lay on her back pity fuck on your Birthday?
olylifter420
Well-Known Member
Sounds to me she b beating around the bush ifyou know what i mean.
That does suck that you get no dice.
Find yourself a girlfriend
That does suck that you get no dice.
Find yourself a girlfriend
malignant
Well-Known Member
you are in a tough battle, celibacy can lead to spiritual enlightenment, sense gratification dulls spiritual sharpness. i highly recommend yoga, meditation and taking this time to learn to move beyond your physical desires. once you can be freed from your senses and no longer enslaved by your body, the conscious mind can achieve true liberation.
Pipe Dream
Well-Known Member
I am in a very similar situation and I know that feel bro. We will go through times were we have sex once a month, maybe. Then other times, usually because of some incident, I will get laid a couple days in a row, but like you said, it putters out real fast. It's super annoying, especially as you said she promised you and has you anticipating it only to be disappointed and you can't sleep because your mind just races as it feels like you are unworthy and you just have a never ending boner. You are mad and feel so insignificant at the same time. Trying to have sex with a sleeping person makes you feel like a rapist, and the pity fucks you mentioned is not even worth it. I for one am turned on when a woman is into it not just "hurry up". I remember once she said that after I woke her up and I lost my erection and just stopped. I usually get it on my Bday but I probably have not got laid more on Valentine's days then I have, which is so cruel considering the things we do to show our affection. It seems we are left to instigate all sexual encounters, but if we actually tried to fuck every time we were horny we would never leave them alone.
There's really no easy answer. The one thing you have to do though is tell your wife how you feel. I know you have, but woman must here it over and over agin I think or they forget and become complacent or w/e. She needs to know that sex is probably the most important thing when it comes to a man's view on a relationship and that you want her to want you ya know. I told my girl, look it's unfair to expect me to stay faithful to you, when you don't want to have sex with me. If you're not interested in sex then let me know and we can go our separate ways as friends. That's not what I want, but I have desires...etc. I understand if your in pain and the last thing I want to do is hurt you (my wife has chronic pain too), in fact it's a major turn off for me, but there's more we can do then just intercourse. Give me a blowjob or a HJ or let me jerk off to you playing with yourself, I don't care. As long as your not getting sex from me, I have to wonder if you're getting it somewhere else. That will kind of talk will usually get ya a couple really good sessions but you just kinda got to stick to your guns about it sometimes.
Other things will get you in the panties too, like household chores, romantic gestures, any hotel stay is a given for me(If I'm paying for a hotel/vacation I will wake her ass up I don't care and neither does she), compliments, and just showing interest. But again, sometimes these fixes are short-lived and not reciprocated. The other thing, which is kind of fucked up, is that I can usually get laid before I leave if I'm going to be spending time away from my wife where I might come into contact with another woman (everytime you are not in your wife's view am I right?) it's like they didn't want anything to do with you before but now they will give you something to remember and mark their territory. I sometimes use this to my advantage. The good thing is my wife has always been fine with me watching porn because she knows that all men do it, and she would rather have me spanking it than roaming the city looking for the real thing. It's still a secretive act I do when the opportunity arises (LOL) but, if I ever got caught it would be okay, hell it might get me laid even. I actually remember my wife asking me about my porn one day, maybe I left the DVD in the player or something, and she said something to the effect of why were you watching porn. I said why do you want to have sex? She said No. And I said well then, there ya go.
Anyways, good luck my friend. Hopefully you can work it out because sometimes when you least expect it, you can change your sex life and have some incredible sex, which in turn gets you even more of it. The fire is rekindled and it all started with you standing up for yourself and expressing your needs/desires.
There's really no easy answer. The one thing you have to do though is tell your wife how you feel. I know you have, but woman must here it over and over agin I think or they forget and become complacent or w/e. She needs to know that sex is probably the most important thing when it comes to a man's view on a relationship and that you want her to want you ya know. I told my girl, look it's unfair to expect me to stay faithful to you, when you don't want to have sex with me. If you're not interested in sex then let me know and we can go our separate ways as friends. That's not what I want, but I have desires...etc. I understand if your in pain and the last thing I want to do is hurt you (my wife has chronic pain too), in fact it's a major turn off for me, but there's more we can do then just intercourse. Give me a blowjob or a HJ or let me jerk off to you playing with yourself, I don't care. As long as your not getting sex from me, I have to wonder if you're getting it somewhere else. That will kind of talk will usually get ya a couple really good sessions but you just kinda got to stick to your guns about it sometimes.
Other things will get you in the panties too, like household chores, romantic gestures, any hotel stay is a given for me(If I'm paying for a hotel/vacation I will wake her ass up I don't care and neither does she), compliments, and just showing interest. But again, sometimes these fixes are short-lived and not reciprocated. The other thing, which is kind of fucked up, is that I can usually get laid before I leave if I'm going to be spending time away from my wife where I might come into contact with another woman (everytime you are not in your wife's view am I right?) it's like they didn't want anything to do with you before but now they will give you something to remember and mark their territory. I sometimes use this to my advantage. The good thing is my wife has always been fine with me watching porn because she knows that all men do it, and she would rather have me spanking it than roaming the city looking for the real thing. It's still a secretive act I do when the opportunity arises (LOL) but, if I ever got caught it would be okay, hell it might get me laid even. I actually remember my wife asking me about my porn one day, maybe I left the DVD in the player or something, and she said something to the effect of why were you watching porn. I said why do you want to have sex? She said No. And I said well then, there ya go.
Anyways, good luck my friend. Hopefully you can work it out because sometimes when you least expect it, you can change your sex life and have some incredible sex, which in turn gets you even more of it. The fire is rekindled and it all started with you standing up for yourself and expressing your needs/desires.
malignant
Well-Known Member
seriously it becomes easier once you realize sex is unimportant, and that its nothing more than a physical sensation. other than reproduction it serves no real purpose, is not essential to your survival or happiness. some of the happiest people ive met are celibate, this is because they aren't burdened down by the pettiness of sexual gratification. its primal, and only impedes your spiritual advancement. if you have netflix watch "Shortcut to Nirvana" theres a Guru about halfway through that teaches the pointlessness of sexual reproduction unless you want children.
im not saying sex is bad, just dont let it drive you crazy, dont give it that much power in your life, realize its just not that important. who knows maybe when you've come to that realization you may project a less intense energy that you may or may not be aware of that she's picking up on, women dont like to be put on the spot with intimate matters, and making it stressful probably makes her clench up, and if she cant relax your probably making her feel like a concubine or prostitute. especially if she doesnt have any financial contribution, the last thing you want to do is cause her to feel like you think she "owes you something." thats only going to cause resentment and drive a wedge further. you have to let go of your own resentments, its nearly impossible to recover from sexual resentment. it causes a chain reaction of many other problems.
then there's the fact that sadly in america 1 out of 5 women report being touched or worse by a creepy relative or family friend as a child. thats just whats reported, which would most likely cause complications later in like, either lack of inhibitions or lots of hangups. the world is tough on women, its easy for them to feel objectified, and if she feels like you see her as a sexual object because you want to get laid regularly, and made it clear, that not only may cause her to feel degraded, and objectified but it can also make her feel under pressure to perform, which very well may be an instant damper on her mood before she can even be open to it. let it go, back off, and maybe after she's comfortable things may resume. you've made it clear how you feel so she knows you want it, adding any more pressure is only going to make things worse. it could take months, i think every marriage goes through periods like that, post deployment is hell, and few dont part ways that first year, and that place does different things to different people, as does lifes experiences.
so what it boils down to is you can either stick it out and wait the cold war with her, or take pipedreams advice, both options are plausible, harass her until she either caves and lets you have your way, or serves you papers, or if you decide sex is that important to you in the end than move on and find yourself a 20 yo. then you may not find sex lacking.
im not saying sex is bad, just dont let it drive you crazy, dont give it that much power in your life, realize its just not that important. who knows maybe when you've come to that realization you may project a less intense energy that you may or may not be aware of that she's picking up on, women dont like to be put on the spot with intimate matters, and making it stressful probably makes her clench up, and if she cant relax your probably making her feel like a concubine or prostitute. especially if she doesnt have any financial contribution, the last thing you want to do is cause her to feel like you think she "owes you something." thats only going to cause resentment and drive a wedge further. you have to let go of your own resentments, its nearly impossible to recover from sexual resentment. it causes a chain reaction of many other problems.
then there's the fact that sadly in america 1 out of 5 women report being touched or worse by a creepy relative or family friend as a child. thats just whats reported, which would most likely cause complications later in like, either lack of inhibitions or lots of hangups. the world is tough on women, its easy for them to feel objectified, and if she feels like you see her as a sexual object because you want to get laid regularly, and made it clear, that not only may cause her to feel degraded, and objectified but it can also make her feel under pressure to perform, which very well may be an instant damper on her mood before she can even be open to it. let it go, back off, and maybe after she's comfortable things may resume. you've made it clear how you feel so she knows you want it, adding any more pressure is only going to make things worse. it could take months, i think every marriage goes through periods like that, post deployment is hell, and few dont part ways that first year, and that place does different things to different people, as does lifes experiences.
so what it boils down to is you can either stick it out and wait the cold war with her, or take pipedreams advice, both options are plausible, harass her until she either caves and lets you have your way, or serves you papers, or if you decide sex is that important to you in the end than move on and find yourself a 20 yo. then you may not find sex lacking.
I've never been married nor do I know your situation, but that's kinda messed up. I would also try and find out if she was cheating. If she's an overall bitch to you and also not doing anything with you, be a little nosy. Don't make her think you're suspicious, but check up on what she's doing and see if it all adds up. It could just be nothing but I guess it doesn't hurt to do a little research.
*BUDS
Well-Known Member
I think he needs to free the load in his balls first bro,
maybe fuck the yoga teacher.
MellowFarmer
Well-Known Member
Ok fellas maybe you can help me lift one of those wtf's i've been carrying around a while now. one of my good friends in my young 20s had been married around 3 years and her hubby just stopped sleeping with her cold turkey but she'd find him in the middle of the night out in the living room with the porn so there is no saying he wasn't ever in the mood or not feeling well. I can also say he absolutely was not cheating and she had not let herself go and he adored the ground she walked on and we knew he was depressed but i can't imagine him letting his depression hurt her so blatantly so ?
srh88
Well-Known Member
he's tired of her.. or she makes bad sandwiches
MellowFarmer
Well-Known Member
so if you grow tired of a chick you are you saying that physically you just can't do it or why is he saying no to her but yes to his hand?
beardo
Well-Known Member
Let her know I am available if she wants me.
I will do her in the morning and again at night
I like the dishes done and laundry folded, lets see if we can make this work
kinetic
Well-Known Member
I'm a little older, and have found that women tend to ramp up their sex drives in their early 30's. You love this woman, you have to get her to talk. Be prepared to hear something you don't like or maybe she is too ill.
I would start working out like a madman, not going to the gym per say but calisthenics. She may like it and reignite something or may think you've started to have a reason to look good again. (if you don't already, no homo).
Try some spontaneous romance, not candles and barry white, more like a wine tour or a weekend getaway. There are things to do for just a little bit of money that a real woman will appreciate. Gas and a trip to the park can go a long way.
Best of Luck Keep working at it, I've been a serial monogamist before getting married recently, long terms always have their sexual roller coaster.
kinetic
Well-Known Member
I've never had a bad sandwich in my life...
kinetic
Well-Known Member
I know what you're saying, I think there comes a time when not much time is left big picture where that contract becomes not as unfavorable.
malignant
Well-Known Member
relationships are hard, and most of the time seem pointless, i can honestly say i feel your misery, im right there with you, im in a sexless, pointless, passionless relationship. the only reason i think we even stay together is the convenience of staying together and the fact that if we split she would be homeless with nothing to her name and no one to lean on, im trapped and have no way out that i can morally accept. i can condemn her to death by kicking her out to be homeless on the streets, no friends or family to fall back on, no job or even skills to employ. or i can put a bullet in my head and escape this all finally.. thats honestly how i see it, so i stay in lifeless passionless dead relationship day after day same old shit and after a while i realized that sex in un important, its just a lot easier if you no longer want the person your with, it pains me to say but i couldnt tell you if i love or hate her i cant tell the difference any longer , im not sure if im even capable of feeling love and its all actually hate, and its just all i feel.