All your shitty jokes

TaoRich

TaoRich

Well-Known Member
You and lawyer are the only survivors of an airplane crash in the jungle. You mange to find a gun in the wreckage which has 2 bullets.
You hear some noises in the trees, and you see a man eating tiger, a dangerous bear, and a snake.
What do you do ?

Shoot the lawyer twice, just to make sure.
 
shnkrmn

shnkrmn

Well-Known Member
A woman told her priest, “Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'”

“Don't worry,” said the priest. “I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.”

The next day the woman took her parents to the rectory. The male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying.

When the woman placed the female parrots in the cage they cried out, “Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?”

One of the male parrots said to the other, “Put away the beads, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!”
 
Laughing Grass

Laughing Grass

Well-Known Member
Two hunters are in the woods. One of the hunters grabs his chest and collapses to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed over.

The other hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911. When the operator answers he tells her that they were hunting in the woods when his friend collapsed and he thinks he’s dead.

The operator tells him to calm down and make sure that he’s really dead. She hears a gunshot and the man gets back on the phone and says now what?
 
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