RIU Inspired Story

I continued walking towards Collin's window. "My man, what's happening?" I asked.
"Not much, just finishing up this victory lap." Collin said with a laugh. I looked towards our apartment again. "You're not
getting paranoid are you?"
"I thought I saw someone in our apartment, trick of the weed I suppose" I said, trying to sound like I had my shit together.
"Looks like they're both asleep again eh?" I said, nodding my head to Kali and Jennifer.
"Yeah, but I got to enjoy a peaceful ride. I had some Space Oddity going a second ago." Collin replied. He turned on
Space Oddity and began saying the lyrics "This is Major Tom to ground control."
"Good tune, Sublime was playing when I parked and smoked a joint." He searched around for something, within a moment
producing a small baggie with some marijuana in it.
"How much do you have? I've got three grams of White Widow I got off Turv. Picked it up last night for the move." He stated.
"I've got three grams of Kali Mist left, and a gram of Trainwreck." I replied.
"Well, let's take the girls inside. I'm getting really hungry." He suggested.

With that being said I was also getting very hungry. I bought soft tacos from Taco Bell to keep me from not getting extremely
hungry. But that was four hours ago. My stomach began to make noises as the hunger pains were all I felt. I walked over to my car
and opened Kali's door. She still looked very peaceful so I took her seatbelt off and picked her up. I shut the door with my hip and
pressed the lock button. Thankfully, the front door was held open by a door stop and we were able to get up to the third floor without
putting the girls down. When we reached the third level I walked slowly to our apartment, number 39. Kali was right, the hallways were
very clean and well lit. At this point I had to put Kali down, she woke up quickly when I called her name. I put her on her feet and she
stood against the wall as I reached for our keys to the apartment. I thought about what I had seen before, it made me hesitate for a
moment. I felt it was best not to say what I had seen, especially to the girls. This move was supposed to be exciting, I didn't want to
ruin the mood by suggesting to everyone that our apartment was haunted by malicious spirits.

As we walked through the threshold I looked around for any sign of anyone. With no luck, I locked the door behind everyone.
With an audible click, I walked away from the locked doorway.The apartment was furnished by the owners. Another perk we had
found with this apartment. We didn't have to spend a lot of money to have decent furniture in our new place. The couches were a beige
color, they looked nice and comfortable. Kali walked to nearest couch and layed down, while Collin layed Jennifer on the one closest
to the balcony door. I looked to towards the balcony,nothing looked out of place; however I still felt a certain unease from what I had
seen. "Hey man, come to the kitchen we'll have a smoke and make some food."
"Sounds good man, I'm starving." Collin replied, heading towards the kitchen. I lit a cigarette before I reached the kitchen,
the smoke had a calming effect.
"Man, I have to tell you the shit I saw from outside." I said, taking another drag.
"I knew it, you were paranoid." Collin said with a chuckle lighting up a cigarette.
"It sounds paranoid I know, but from down there I saw people in our apartment. They looked dead." I replied, a chill ran
down my spine as I finished the sentence.
"The weed just has you spooked is all, there's nothing wrong with the place it's perfect!" He said, enthused.

"Yeah, you're probably right man, I'm just really tired and stoned" I replied.
"Now, let's make some of this chef boyardee." Collin suggested.
"Didn't you just have Mcdonalds?" I asked. Reaching for a bowl to microwave some Chef Boyardee.
"Yeah man, this shit is the worst for munchies." He said grabbing another bowl and can.

It didn't take long before the food was done and we moved everything to the living room. It was fairly large I noticed, the walls were
an off white. There were a few generic pictures on the wall, and a nice area rug centered in the middle of the couches. The television was
a flatescreen, much bigger than my old television. This place had so many perks, it doesn't make any sense why this place would be so
inexpensive, or why there were no tenants who already grabbed the place. Collin was already tearing apart pieces of ravioli, I turned
on the television but all it recieved was static. That's funny, I thought they said everything was already hooked up and ready to go.
I'll bring it up to the landlord tommorow, no big deal I thought. I turned the television off and moved forward to reach my food on the
table infront of me. I slowly nibbled at my ravioli, and pulled a pepsi out of my backpack to wash it down. Lightning flashed less
frequently outside, and the rain seemed to have stopped completely.

I decided it was time to actually see the apartment for myself. At first I felt a little weary to explore by myself. However, I
convinced myself I was being an idiot. I stood up as I grabbed a cigarette from my backpack, lighting it before I walked
towards the hallway that led to the rooms. The aparment had three rooms, one more then we needed; although we could use the
extra room for video games. The girls didn't like to watch video games, so we were usually hard pressed to find time to play them.
I tensed up as I turned the hallway light on; but there was nothing. The bathroom was the first door on the left, I decided that I would
check it out first. The door opened with ease and I turned the light that lit the room brightly. Like everything else about the apartment,
the bathroom was clean and spacious. My excitement grew as I turned the light off and headed for the three bedrooms. The first one
was to my right, and the second on the left at the end of the hallway. These would be our bedrooms, the third room would be our
second living room for smoking and video games.

I looked breifly at both of the rooms, like the living room they were completely furnished with new beds, curtains and all the
necessities we would need. The third room was around the corner to the right, unlike the others this room has no furniture
and was bare. On the farthest wall there was a closet, it was open a crack. I didn't know why, but something about it compelled
me to close it. I did so quickly, with a yawn I decided it was time for bed. Tommorow we could talk excitedly about our
new home.

Not good IMO. I used to write like this a found it HORRIBLY cheesey and tasteless. I'm really am sorry but this isn't an insult it's just constructive criticism. I don't quite understand how i changed my writing but it's not entirely WHAT you're writing it's HOW your writing. Wish I could be more helpful! :-/

ImTheDude said:

Not good IMO. I used to write like this a found it HORRIBLY cheesey and tasteless. I'm really am sorry but this isn't an insult it's just constructive criticism. I don't quite understand how i changed my writing but it's not entirely WHAT you're writing it's HOW your writing. Wish I could be more helpful! :-/

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That's alright, i'm not here to impress anyone, least of all a stranger who joined within the last 2 days, I mentioned at the beggining this is just a rough scribble to get my ideas down, the grammer, punctuation and flow of it have not been corrected, i've written through it as fast as possible to get my ideas down, horribly cheesy I can see, but tastless, im just trying to have some fun writing

I haven't been with RIU for only two days. It's not flow or grammar but ideas it is.

Sooo, you're saying the whole idea of the story is just horribly cheesy and tasteless

Lmao. Didn't think he'd get banned!

wt hell-wheres my posts eh??????

LOL hey buddy whats up ya its me man, McNea from park side lol

McNea said:

LOL hey buddy whats up ya its me man, McNea from park side lol

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man-im from south africa-its my slang.
whats up with that dog avatar-are u a dog???lol

Badass man keep it up.