cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
"so high right now"
Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
curious old fart
Well-Known Member
CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People (almost)
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum
Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A:Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:Take off your glasses.
Q:Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:On their foreheads.
Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:"Gosh, I remember these!"
cof
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum
Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A:Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:Take off your glasses.
Q:Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:On their foreheads.
Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:"Gosh, I remember these!"
cof
Hookabelly
Well-Known Member
herbose
Well-Known Member
CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People (almost)
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum
Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A:Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:Take off your glasses.
Q:Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:On their foreheads.
Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:"Gosh, I remember these!"
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum
Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A:Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:Take off your glasses.
Q:Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:On their foreheads.
Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:"Gosh, I remember these!"
herbose
Well-Known Member
2 guys driving along a country road when they see a ramshackle, hand painted sign advertising an old (Native American) Indian with an amazing memory - can remember anything and everything. Curious, they drive down the dirt path and sure enough, there was a old, leathery-faced Indian sitting below a massive Oak tree.
They park up, walk over and ask, "Are you the Indian with the great memory?"
"Yes".
"Alright then, what did you have for breakfast on, um, say......12th of June 1937?".
Without hesitation and in his flat, halting tone, Indian replies, "Eggs".
The two men have a good laugh thinking sure, anyone can just say eggs, doesn't prove a thing. They drop $5.00 donation into the Indian's hat anyway, and carry on their journey.
15 years on, same 2 guys are driving along the same country lane and see the same sign. Amazed, thinking the old fella would of bought the farm by now, they wheel down the path and sure enough, there's the same old boy, sitting below the massive Oak tree.
Both guys get out, walk over and as they approach, one raises his palm in the traditional Indian greeting manner saying, "How".
The old Indian looks up and says, "Scrambled".
They park up, walk over and ask, "Are you the Indian with the great memory?"
"Yes".
"Alright then, what did you have for breakfast on, um, say......12th of June 1937?".
Without hesitation and in his flat, halting tone, Indian replies, "Eggs".
The two men have a good laugh thinking sure, anyone can just say eggs, doesn't prove a thing. They drop $5.00 donation into the Indian's hat anyway, and carry on their journey.
15 years on, same 2 guys are driving along the same country lane and see the same sign. Amazed, thinking the old fella would of bought the farm by now, they wheel down the path and sure enough, there's the same old boy, sitting below the massive Oak tree.
Both guys get out, walk over and as they approach, one raises his palm in the traditional Indian greeting manner saying, "How".
The old Indian looks up and says, "Scrambled".
herbose
Well-Known Member
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did
some training on a Navajo Indian reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and
came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo,
asked a question which his son translated.
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip
to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could
send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors,
the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son
to translate it. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where
the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to
translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch
out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."
some training on a Navajo Indian reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and
came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo,
asked a question which his son translated.
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip
to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could
send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors,
the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son
to translate it. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where
the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to
translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch
out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."
herbose
Well-Known Member
A hungry man walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow. He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded, staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After ten minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry man bravely asks: "If you don't want it, then do you mind if I have it? I'm absolutely famished. I haven't eaten all day."
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young man and says: "Nah, ye can gae ahead."
Eagerly, the young man reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and then notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was so shocking that he immediately pukes up the chlli back into the bowl.
The old Jock says
"Aye, that's as far as I got too."
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young man and says: "Nah, ye can gae ahead."
Eagerly, the young man reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and then notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was so shocking that he immediately pukes up the chlli back into the bowl.
The old Jock says
"Aye, that's as far as I got too."
