How To Launder My Money?

ReverendMaynard said:

Same shit I mentioned, yet I didn't get a +1.

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You get a +1 just for your handle =p

ship gold??? are u out of your mind?? lmao

hope im the postman for that pickup =))

WARNING WARNING WARNING, READ THIS BEFORE TRAVELING SOUTH!!!!!!:
Listen to that guy. Silver is very very important for making certain pharmaceuticals and gold, well gold is gold. Buy Buy Buy! Also if you go to any country in Latin America, or anywhere south of the USA, bring money to bribe people with!!! This is very important. This is especailly so if you travel by boat. If this is the case, yuo should have no problem finding asylum. Trust only your translators, pay them the best and ditch your translator and find a NEW trustworthy translator every so often. These tips might save your life. Let NOBODY know you are carrying large amounts of cash or you are DEAD. I am saying all this because i have been to Venezuela, Trinidad, Cuba along with others,and have faced the military, gov lawyers, crooks, and diplomats and that was just in Venezuela! Be careful and may GOD protect you on your path, brother.

If you actually had that then youre like those guys in Office Space. If you have to ask you probably shouldnt be doing it.

if youre gonna launder money you should wait until you have several million..most off shore banks wont even look at you if youre not playing in the millions.

im not sure about this so do not flame me please, i only know what i have read on the internet (which can be misleading obviously)

definately not from personal experience but i think you can convert you cash into other shit just like gold. Other shit being diamonds!
if you could convert a couple 100 grand into diamonds i thinking this could not amount to much more and a match box of physical space
you could easily have that sewn into a sport coat? pants? hell custom made shoes?
with that kind of paper i imagine you could have some arrangements made.

also wouldnt it be kind of dangerous to post this shit? i could only imagine how many hits this is getting from the gov.
maybe im just noid but thats what i think

The best way is to start a service based business..
You offer a service, say lawn cutting.. Get your business license. Don't do a fucking thing, and at the end of the year, claim you made X amount of dollars. Pay the taxes on it, and bob is your uncle..

haha what is this bob is your uncle speak?


and yeah i guess to launder it all you might wanna take the safe route seeing as that you just wanna jet outta the country with it,
i dont blame you for wanting to keep your hard earned money without fuckers reaching in your pockets though.

Brick Squad said:

haha what is this bob is your uncle speak?


and yeah i guess to launder it all you might wanna take the safe route seeing as that you just wanna jet outta the country with it,
i dont blame you for wanting to keep your hard earned money without fuckers reaching in your pockets though.

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Bob's your uncle is a saying.. I'm sure you know that though, no idea where the fuck it came from.. Hehe..

The "safe route" is how you launder money.. Laundering means giving the government your share so you can legally have the rest.. If you don't, it's not clean money.
It doesn't matter how you change it, for gold, diamonds, etc.. They see you spending more than you make, they're gonna be suspicious.. Claiming it is the only way to clean it up..

Sooo the diamond exchange could work?
or is it too much money and sets off alarms?
if so could'nt you slowly buy it all in gold and then just sell it all off or would you
still have to answer questions on that?

dude if your looking up how to money launder online you probabley shouldnt do it....


uhmmm...idk dude...good question...caymon seems to be the best bet...traveling will be a pain but do it...

THAT or find a pilot and pay him enough.

christopher12345 said:

buy gold coins

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That dont help him he still needs too get al lthat old out of the country dipshit...read the post next time...

King Dingaling said:

Thanks guys for the answers. I currently have a tripple citizenship witch is fairly unusual and one of my passports jusw happens to be brazilian. So im pretty fixed on brazil, over the past week i have been checking out offshore banking. It is not as good as most people think, they are more strict after 9-11. BACK TO SQUARE 1. King

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King - first of all, good for you and providing for your family! Also do you know what "Hawala" is??? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawala
I am not familiar with your situation but may be worth looking into - I understand the Caymans and off-shore banking is better left in the millions range because US money is so volatile the banks won't take the risk unless its MEGA bucks anymore. Maybe your answer lies with the Bank of Montreal? I would read up on the works of http://robertlandori.com/

Also look into jewelers who have shops in Miami and South American who are willing to sell you expensive jewelry here and return it for a small fee there.

Perhaps the best solution though is to invest that $$$ into gold and silver which is worthy currency ANYWHERE. Buy it here, have it shipped there. Once you get your gold and silver to brazil you can cash it as you need it and its value will only ever increase in this market. Its also hard to find people who will exchange the US dollar anymore 'cos its so damn worthless. I am no expert but I would call a broker at Midas ASAP: http://www.midasresources.com/invest.php

---------------- Now playing: Curren$y - Burn an Ounce via FoxyTunes

its not that much money really people are out ther cleaning that much a week. talk to a lawywer in ur area about starting a llc... laywers used to fly the money over to the islands casue they dont have to claim legal 'paper work'.. thats where everyone gets the ideas... now adays not so much the same talk to a lawyer

agree on brazil being a bad idea. Plenty of countries where you could get away with this easily though. As far as safely smuggling cash, multiple trips are the way to go, but too many back and forth's and it might become a question...

Depending on how much you actually have, bribery is probably your best bet. It's the way things get done in most of the places you'd be looking to go.

Bitcoins is all I got to say, anonymous. Try to figure the rest out there. Pretty sure there are many ways to use an anonymous of type of electronic fiat currency.

best way to clean money is to put it in stocks


good luck friend

this thread is a joke or a trap. all these answers are nonsense. King Dingaling is right. You are all his jests.

1. buy bitcoin.
2. move to brazil.
c. sell bitcoin.
d. profit

This thread is not real, well its real but untrue. If you were a citizin of brazil you would not need to ask a bunch of dopers how to get your money home. Im calling bullshit, this is one of those threads for the cool story pictures. Sorry to be the bad apple, but c'mon. If you had money 1.you wouldnt be running on about it on the internet 2.triple citizinship? ok, ill let you have that one just for fun 3. The whole laundering money and asking how-to so you can do it? Get real motherfucker.. either your a pig or your on a quick road to getting fucked by them..

my gut feeling is you just dont know any better, so I will just stay away from this thread. Just to close, if you have the money, the citizenship, and the brains.. you will call a brizillian bank and ask them.. you are a citizen so you say. No need to responde I will not see it.