Great Stoner Quotes

the concept of the flame thrower..by george carlin..

what this tell me is that at some point at some time someone said to them selves ...hay...i sure would like to set those people on fire over there...damn, but im to far away to get the job done ...hummm if only i had somthing that would throw flame on them ..ya know the idea could have died right there...but
his friend...his friend thats good with tools was standing there when he said it and damn right 2 weeks later fruuukkkkkksksksks <--(flamethrower sound) he walks up with one...our friend that had the idea says ...hay you think i can borrow that....

so im learning as much as i can about growing this summer and ive learned that seakelp is good for plants and like 60 micronutreants...so off i go to the beach and venice beach is the closest to me...
so i go to the shore, bag up my kelp, tie it up in the bag all nice and off i go to go back home with my new (fertalizer) kelp...i stop to talk to some stoners put the bag o kelp on the bench for about 5 min and when i turn around its fucking gone ...ok i think maybe someone threw it out ...cheched nope...after a min i relize someone stole it....fuckin hallarious... thinking it was someones goodies from shoping someone took it ..what a smuck..remember i did say i baged it up all nice ..but i just didnt want that stuff leaakin in my car......

so someone ran off with what they thought was loot to only find kelp ..i love it ...this is to funny.. americas dumbest criminals here we come..
have a nice day.

diggitydank420 said:

My favorite comes from my friend P.K. the 50 year old party man:

"Smoke that hog leg and see what happens."

He was always trying to quote Tombstone - "Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens."

Classic

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dude...does this guy play guitar for a guy named John Eddie man?

a while ago I was in my room with my friend, both of us high as hell, and I was playing a video game. I just stopped playing halfway through the game and fell down to the ground and my friend just bust out laughing, which in turn made me laugh and my friend uttered "duude you sound like a rhinosaurus dude!!" we laughed together for at least ten minutes lol.

another occasion, the first time I got high actually, me and that same friend were baked again and sitting on my couch and I looked to the other couch across the room where there was a pile of laundry. I said "dude there's a pink bunny in the clothes man!" we busted out in laughter and fell over on each other and just sat there laughing our asses off for a while.

this was after three or so big bowls...
friend- dude you are spilling the water on you
me- yeah i know
friend- you are still spilling it.
me- oh shit, i spilled the water on my pants

my pants were rank with the smell of bong water.

"i'm high as a couch!.. errrr.. wait..."

Jfred2006 said:

dude the best line when me n my friends were toking on our block at around midnight we all have our own bowls and shit but the problem was we only had one lighter and i had to piss (i forgot the lighter in my hand while walking to piss) then my friends are talking then my buddy mike yells who has the lighter? then friend 1 says not me friend 2 not me friend 3 nah dude josh must have the lighter, wait he has THE! LIGHTER! that asshole. then as i am pissing i get tackled to the ground and he says dude do you have the lighter and i say "no dude i dont know where it is, then i was like wait as he is walking away and i say dude it was in my left hand the whole time

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i have one kinda like this. me and a friend were smoking and i had the liter and i went to piss behind a tree, so i walked out of eyeshot and unzipped and started pissing (it felt soo good). i was about half way through and i realized i was holding the liter not my dick. turns out i pissed all over my pants...

Omg thats funny shit, my mate did that but he just forgot to unzip his jeans completely, we loled so hard at him.

" When i die, I wanna go peacefully, and in my sleep, just like my grampa did - Not screaming for my life, like the other four passengers in his car."

OR

"In the end, i know that 13 1/2 people will decide my fate for the remainder of my life. 12 fuckin jurors, 1 god damn judge, and the 1/2 assed lawyer i hired thats too god damn stupid to get me off of the fuckin charge."

premature dank...

The Drought Season

three finger bag

sixty dollars !?! i could get blown for that!

dont pixie my lighter

this sack is pre - pinch

Alright i got good one that jsut happened few weeks back

*me and some buddies walking down pathway to road afer burning some bong hoots*
Me- Man im so fuuucked, lets grab some pizza munch
Buddy1- Agreed, pizza fuckin key
buddy2 - O shit man look fireworks

( guy on bike passes us)
Bikedude- *pointsup* hey look fireworks

(bikedude hits curbs and flips head over on bike)

me, buddy1, budd2 - HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA ooh shhhhhiiit... ha.. haha..ha

Mikejuana said:

Alright i got good one that jsut happened few weeks back

*me and some buddies walking down pathway to road afer burning some bong hoots*
Me- Man im so fuuucked, lets grab some pizza munch
Buddy1- Agreed, pizza fuckin key
buddy2 - O shit man look fireworks

( guy on bike passes us)
Bikedude- *pointsup* hey look fireworks

(bikedude hits curbs and flips head over on bike)

me, buddy1, budd2 - HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA ooh shhhhhiiit... ha.. haha..ha

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nice dude, by the way, fireworks are the shit while toked out

my dogs know i'm stoned!

imaginativethinker said:

i have one kinda like this. me and a friend were smoking and i had the liter and i went to piss behind a tree, so i walked out of eyeshot and unzipped and started pissing (it felt soo good). i was about half way through and i realized i was holding the liter not my dick. turns out i pissed all over my pants...

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hahahahahahahahaha

Few months back, theres a group of me and some mates done a nice blunt was all stoned like fuck. I started to think I was hydrating - paniced - whitied, my mates were pissing there selfs laughing while I was fucking thinking I was gunna die and needed a drink (I was feeling drowzee and sick possibly the worst feeling of my life lol) they kept laughing and I just randomly fell on the floor pissing myself while I was white as an albino.. Was some funny shit, some strong bud too.

"man you guys don't know how to party man, back in my day...we partied man"

Hers one every stoner has said: Fuck It!

how do we know we're not all just part of a bigger picture? and the earth is a piece of bacteria!

yo im flambayed

yo im feelin chippy chap chongo chim