Funniest Stoner Stories

Alright I got one,
So one day before school I decided to smoke, I was doing good and everything, I get on the bus and sit in the front seat I felt like I was flying It felt soooo cool. I get to school and I had gym for first period so it kinda killed my high but by the time it was over i was still pretty baked. So the bell rings and im walking up the steps to my 2nd period and i fart. I swear I thought i craped myself. It felt so weird, but I was stupid and didn't go to the bathroom to check. So im in 2nd and i had to take a test. The whole time im like moving around in my seat to see if I can fill anything but i couldnt tell. Eventually my teacher says do you need to go to the bathroom and i said yeah. I was walking to the bathroom and im thinking to myself man, i hope i didnt crap myself this is gonna ruin my whole day. I get in there and check but I didn't so i was good. That was the worst 30 mins of my life.

aman1211 said:

Alright I got one,
So one day before school I decided to smoke, I was doing good and everything, I get on the bus and sit in the front seat I felt like I was flying It felt soooo cool. I get to school and I had gym for first period so it kinda killed my high but by the time it was over i was still pretty baked. So the bell rings and im walking up the steps to my 2nd period and i fart. I swear I thought i craped myself. It felt so weird, but I was stupid and didn't go to the bathroom to check. So im in 2nd and i had to take a test. The whole time im like moving around in my seat to see if I can fill anything but i couldnt tell. Eventually my teacher says do you need to go to the bathroom and i said yeah. I was walking to the bathroom and im thinking to myself man, i hope i didnt crap myself this is gonna ruin my whole day. I get in there and check but I didn't so i was good. That was the worst 30 mins of my life.

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Hahahaha you remind me of my friend. Whenever we would smoke, right after he would mumble "Do you.. smell shit." and we would all have to convince him that he didn't shit himself and that he was just super geeked.

lmao thats funny

hah alright, so just a few days ago this was the most funny thing I have witnessed.. Well kinda.. Anyways, so I'm with my dealer and his girlfriend (they are both in their late 20's mind you!) and we are hotboxing in his car with one of my friends at a parking lot in a pretty rural park. So he starts rolling a blunt and says, dude seriously this shit is rediculous, one hit and you are high, and I never have inished a bowl alone without passing the hell out.. So I flip shit all excited, and sure enough, we smoke about half of the blunt and his girlfriend is laughing hystarically at my racist comment lol first my dude said, "You guys are niggers." So then I replied with this most intamate serious face, "if you ever... EVER.. Compare me to a black person again, I WILL STOP AT NOTHING! I will kill you and your family!" Then his girlfriend FREAKS OUT, just busting out laughing and screaming, "I AM SO FUCKING HIGH I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" So she jumps out of the car and is dancing around in the parkinglot like a dumbass haha then she gets back in and is in a ball laughing and screaming about how she can't hit it any more, then she does.. And we finish it! I am laughing my ass off, we all are. And his girlfriend is being super loud. So my dealer(fuck just call him austin.) so austin is like patting her back so I lean over the seat to see what her deal is, and there is a river of tears just flowing out of her face, and then I start laughing really hard saying "Dude is she crying??!?!!?" And then austin goes, "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAA, she is!!!!! " it was awesome! Then kaele, his girlfriend, started yelling at him and us and calling us assholes for laughing at ehr, and then she goes oon and on about how she can't feel her body.. Haha then we go to his parents house for the movie 'blow' and we got terribly distracted making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then his mom came out and knew we were baked as hell because we kept answering everything wrong and blah blah.. what really topped it was us with out eyes getting a movie about cocaine.. Lol but thats not as funny as most of the stories, I just haven't told that one much.. Lol still excited about it, it was funny as hell.

God these stories are soooo epic I hope mine can compare!!

So one night my friend Jason(not his real name) texts me and say our buddy Rick(also not his real name) has a quarter of the DANKEST purple headies he's ever had. Before I even respond I have my shoes on and am walking out the door lol. So I get there and they both meet me in the driveway. Rick looks at me and says "are you ready to have the best thanksgiving of your life?" (it was thanksgiving night btw). I just look at him, with my eyes wide as shit while he pulls out a baggy of the nicest shit I've ever seen. He was a good 2 feet away from me and I could still see the little red hairs so we go in Jasons back yard where he has a picnic table and we sit down. Rick pulls out his new bowl that he got a couple days before. It's a snake! With the bowl in the top of the head and the carb is on the tip of the nose!! So we smoked about half of the shit and decided to save the rest for later. We go into the kitchen and grab an entire 12 pack of cokes and 4 bags of chips. Shit was soooo cash! We went upstairs and by this time Jason is fucking tripping!! And u mean literally TRIPPING up the stairs. We had to tell him to chill the fuck out cuz his parent are right across the hall from his room. We get in, turn on the tv and all 3 computers and just starts chillin then Jason turns to me and says "dude...I feel like taffey right now!" (this is where he got his stoner nickname from lol) then he gets up and decides to lay on the floor. (wtf right?) so me and Rick start talking to each other about random shit and this goes on for about 15 minutes. Then Jason just sits up and screams "WHY HAVE I BEEN UNDERWATER FOR THE PAST FOUR MINUTES??" me and Rick just look at him...then look at each other...and start laughing our asses off! Then about half an hour later we decide to go out and smoke the rest of our shit. We got Sooooo baked that we all passed out outside and when we woke up the next morning, Jason couldn't remember anything!! (yeah he was kinda a lightweight at the time) but anyway that is probably my best story. I will never forget how good that bud was

I've got two stories. Just a couple experiences...

1.) This is about the first time I ever smoked weed... It was a half day of school sophmore year. My cousin had just moved to town from Tennessee and he was going to my school. There's a Del Carmens (pizza joint) across the street from the school. me and him went over behind there nd smoked 5 or 6 bowls of just some regular mid. i remember thinking "well i dont feel any different at all"... welll that all changed... his sister came nd picked him up so im stuck here by the school with nothing to do. this is my first time nd all so im blown outa my mind i couldnt feel my legs nd shit. it felt like i was floating. so a buddy of mine nd his girlfriend are walkin back to his place so i followed. im high as fuck just enjoying the outside nd feeling like im floating down the streets. we get back to his place nd he has these 2 huge huskys. i kid you not one of em was the size of a baby elephant! well we go downstairs nd the smaller dog wont let me sit down. everytime i go to sit he starts growling. he chases me around the couch a number of times (idr i was blazed lol) well it gets time to leave nd my eyes are super red. his gf has to walk across town so he asked me to at least walk her back to the school. i said it scool nd we start walking... about the time i et around the block im tlkin to his gf saying i dont remember walking there. im high, shes hott, im in a great mood havin fun. so i start flirtin with her, end up makin out with her by the school nd she goes on her way. my pops picked me up nd i went home nd listened to music the rest of the high.


2.) I'd been smokin for over a year. i'd blaze up before school. it was the end of junoir year nd my guy hooked me up with some maui wowie. we matched nd smoked 2 blunts nd 3 big packed bowls of it. i go to college half of the school day so i hop on the bus to leave for college. i was blown beyond my imagination. the highest id ever been. i got my ipod going' listening to some b.o.b. nd sublime. im just chillin in the seat, eyes closed, with the biggest goofiest pot head smile in the world (this is the day everyone found out i smoked) the bus ride felt like i was on a roller coaster. it was ridiculous! the craziest high of my life. i get to the college go into the class music still going just crackin up at everything anybody says or anything popping into my head (which was ALOT!! at the time) im sittin here laughin the whole class is looking at me. lol. i pass out nd when i wake up the people around me were tellin me how i had this huge smile on my face the wole time i was sleeping. ever since that day my teachers been calling my Dopey haha. nd the girl next to me named me precious.


3.) I'd been workin for a few months so i had some extra cash. my parents were out of town nd i was "staying with my buddy" (more like kickin it in my car lol) but i go to the skatepark around 10:00 am sober. i call up a buddy nd turns out hes ridin around with his dealer. they come nd get me nd we matched kush blunt after kush blunt hot boxin the car all day until maybe 4pm (i gotta be at work at 5 down the street from the park) when we pulled back up to the park everyone was there. we got this game where we would roll up nd smoke in front of the park ranger nd when he would come over who ever had the blunt/joint/bowl would just drop it in the grass under our picknick table (never ever got caught ) time comes i gotta go to work. i get in my sunfire (had the shroom nd the windshield nd a secret comparment for weed! with my two 12"s in the trunk which is amazing for smoking) nd head off to work... talk about HIGH! the road was swerving nd the stop lights were moving. i was trippin. i get to work stoned, ignoring everyone the whole time just focused on flippin them burgers. 8pm rolls around i get this super nasty headache. the boss always keep tylenol extra strength in the back room so i go back there im dying cuz of my head i popped 8 of em. I WAS FUCKED UP!!!!! shit was swerving nd spinning nd making noises. i was fucked up! (i got fired the next week lol) i get off work, go straight back to the park. theres a party hell yea! kush, joose (a energy alcoholic drink), nd music. im the only one there with a nice system beside my buddys dealer but mines nicer. we get some music bumpin loud! im enjoying myself it was my bday the day before i think cuz for some reason everyone was giving me there weed nd drinks haha. im wasted, high as hell, nd on tylenol extra strength with alcohol lol. im tlkin to this girl nd enjoying myself. all of a sudden a car pulls up nd this girl gets out that looks just like her! im fucked up so im freacking out lol. i back up right into a hole... im feeling stupid. i was gettin somewhere with this girl nd now im in a hole! anyways i get over it, have a few more jooses nd smoke a lil more. a park ranger shows up... i slam my trunk shut nd lock my doors. we all take of running up the hill. theres a hole in the gate crossing the highway. we cross the highway nd i dont remember much after that. just remember walking back with that girl nd a friend of hers later that night nd waking up at my buddys house. i still see her at school every now nd then. something must of happened that night cuz its always akward passing her in the halls.


4.) im at a buddys house (not really a buddy i was bored) his house blows... his parents are out of town. i stayin the night. but its me ive always got weed. i had 2 O's of purple kush nd an O of maui wowie. he had like an 8th of some shitty shit weed. im over there thinkin im gonna be bored all night. (i sure as hell wasnt gonna match with him i kept mine in my car) anyways his brother nd his brothers friend comes home... the smoke! they have weed! yes! so i break out some kush we start smokin. my "buddy' wants some drink. he calls up his cousin nd she takes her gmas car over nd shes only 20 so he goes with her to get a big ass bottle of vodka. she has weed! we're drinking screwdrivers nd takin breaks to smoke. i eventually pull out a whole O of kush. the night goes on, i dont remember much except drinking with smoke breaks. we have alot of weed. we takin a smokin break nd his cousin starts flirtin with me i end up popin one of her toes in my mouth nd sucking. i musta hit what she liked cuz it was straight to the bedroom. im 16 shes 20. im in paradise lol. she sucked me nd all kinds of shit ive never experienced. i ate her, we screwed. next thing i now my buddys beating on the bedroom door in the morning around 10:30. im but naked in bed with his cousin. he doesnt know. its my mom on the phone... FUCK!!! shes telling me i need to be home in an hour. i get all my shit packed up. then see a frickin huge hickey on my neck. it went from my ear to my collarbone. (my family likes to swim alot nd i have some of the strictest parents in the world) its black nd purple... BAD! i go in his parents room nd throw any kind of coverup on me that i could find. i had that bitch of a hickey for 4 weeks! went swiming so many times. somehow i hid it lol. now that ive got a steady girl somehow my mom will notice a lil red spot on my neck!

well more than 2 lol i still have plenty
hope you liked em. sorry theyre so long. my "buddy" is still pissed off at me to this day hahahahaha

Right I've got one for you guys.

One night I was just chilling at home, Nothing planned for the night. Then I got a phone call from a friend of mine (we'll call him Mike) who was with another guy I knew but not all too well (we'll call him Louis). They were both gonna be heading out for the night and were wondering if I wanted to meet up with them for a couple of hours to toke up before they head out. I agreed and left to meet them.

I met them at a secluded area with a river and a walkway where no one ever went. We started blasting up and they started drinking some vodka also. A couple of hours of laughing at dogs and their awesomeness later and they were gonna head out for the night (They were pretty drunk by this point). They invited me out but I didn't fancy it so I left them to head home. When I got back, I decided to just blaze up non stop for about 3 hours or so.

I got a phone call around 1 or 2am from Mike. He was absolutely pissed and wondered if I wanted to meet him again for a session. Me being absolutely bombed out of it thought fuck it and decided to head out and meet him.

Met him and Louis along with some other random chick up the town, they were skipping around when I met them. I decided to join in and we all started humming 'The Wizard of Oz' as we ran down the town. We landed down this ally and I whipped out a joint and sparked it. Literally 5 seconds later I hear these footsteps behind me, I turn around and see an old guy walking drunkenly towards me shouting "Who's got the blow boys!? Who's got the blow!?"

Me, absolutely baked off it find it fucking hilarious. Mike & Louis start chatting away to him while me and the chick chat away blasting up. After a while, Mike turns to me and says "Sure we'll head into this guys flat to see about some tins of beer then" (apparently the guy promised him tins of beer if he came back to his flat)

I was against the idea in fear of being raped but after a lot of voicing this and running around, almost falling into a ditch. I was dragged into the flat in mid-skip.

We're now all sitting down in a living room watching some random sitcom on a T.V while this old guy falls drunkenly about the place, not being able to speak. His phone then rings and he answers. He can now speak perfectly. This is when he says "What's up man? Yeah I've got a few 'guests' down at your flat here. Get everyone round now, we're having a party!"

This is when I start to get a bit worried by his sudden tone of voice (not to mention him lying about the tins of beer and the flat being his, there were no tins...). I stand up and casually walk out of the room without drawing attention to myself. I get to the door and try to open it, It's locked!

I start freaking out in fear of being raped or murdered or something along those lines. I go on a massive espionage mission around the flat to find the key, after 5 minutes searching quietly I find it sitting behind a wardrobe... Clearly an attempt to hide it. I run back to the door, unlock it, and sprint out. A couple of seconds later I take my phone out, ring Mike and yell down the phone to him "GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! He hid the key, something is gonna go down if you don't leave right now!"

He shits himself, agrees and hangs up. A couple of minutes later they come running down the street towards me, I'm standing there staring into space. Thinking about how well I got myself out of that situation and turn to them and say "Well, you didn't get raped bent over an ironing board then?"

We then discuss what just happened a while and went our separate ways. All in all, a good night!


I'll try to post some more in time. <3

So me and a couple of friends were chilling and blazing. Let's just call them Ron and Paul. So it was at lunchtime that my friend Paul came up with his friend Chris and said "Hey dude, Chris just got a new pipe and we want to test it out but we have no weed. We were wondering if you could smoke out with us after school and we'll smoke you out when we have some of our own weed." The deal was interested so I was just like hell yeah. So school is out for the day and i'm walking to the parking lot to meet us with Paul and I see Ron is gonna come along. Ron's my best friend so i was like yeah dude this is sick. So we drive over and stop at home grab my bong and my whole 8th of bud. Stupid right? So we drive around town looking for Chris and find him at work. We pick him up and went up this place in our town called 420 gate, its a gate up onto the ridges in the town. So we start lighting off bowls and we were getting pretty fucking chilling after a while. we put in some Rolo's and our red eyes went away in a heartbeat. We left and dropped off Chris, and it's a wednesday and Paul and Ron are mormons and thats youth group night back in the day. We decided to skip. Youth group started at 7:00 and it was only 4 so we were chilling at Paul's house for a couple hours baked. After an hour I go back home for a while drop off my bong and wait a while to meet back up with Paul and Ron later. So we go up and smoke a few bowls in another area of the ridge, not near 420 gate. We get fucking blazed and retarded and we're listening to burning for you. Lol. So we go drive around the back areas of the town and see our friend Bill just pulling in home. We say "Hey bill dude you smoking weed tonight?" and he just replies "Nope i wish" we just say get in the back of the car bitch. So we go driving and ask "Where should we go now?" and then we all decided to get BK. We pull up and we see its the same guy as last week. He was a very very stereotypical BK employee and I wanted to piss him off so behind the window i was like "HES SUCH A FUCKING FAT ASS" and im sure he heard me cuz he was looking at me pissed. So we eat our food and we're ready to go get ripped. So we're thinking and Bill says "we can go on the backroads, all the seniors go back there." So it's the middle of the night and we drive and stop on the side of the road. We're just sitting back there blazing up and we're getting fucking ripped. We see someone's driving down the road and to avoid getting hit we put on our hazards. BAD IDEA! We see them pull over behind us. Then our hearts all fell into our stomachs as we saw the red and blue cop lights flashing behind our jeep. We got so fucking scared. Paul started screaming "FUCK!!!! GRAB THE AXE ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW GET THE FUCKING SMELL OUT!" and Chris is just like "calm down Paul just be chill dude. Say you dropped your phone and are looking for it." So the cop finally walks up and he's like "is there a problem here?" and Paul is just calmly like "I dropped my phone and I'm trying to find it so I pulled over." And the cops just like "This is a bad spot to be parked, you need to get out of here right now." So we we're just like Okay and got the fuck out of there. So we drove away and we're just in fucking shock of what just happened. We would've been ruined if the cops caught us, especially me with an eighth on me. We lost and got all our highs completely ruined. Well peace just wanted to tell my story I know its kinda dumb but it was still scary as fuck to us.

So it was my first time getting high. Me and a couple of buddies were sitting around smoking from an old classy pipe. All of them had done it a few times before. I sit there smoking, not really feeling anything, until i lean back in the couch. The entire room shifts towards me, and begins falling down with the corner I'm sitting in first. I figured I needed a fixed point to look at, so i begin looking at my hands. My other buddies were watching TV, while i was mesmerized by my hands, sinking slowly into my on mind. A white flash comes from the television, and suddenly, I'm on a boat. Lightning is striking, rain is pouring and it really is a proper fucking storm. I've never been much of a boat person, so i get really fucking seasick, get up and begin walking to the bathroom while grabbing on to the railing of the ship while walking down the hallway. I bend over the toilet, and start puking my guts out. I stand up and look in the mirror. i see my fucking red eyes and remember thinking "good god i fucking love this stuff".

ok well I have a lot of these stories so I will start with the first time I smoked. ok so it was a beautiful day in may and I went to meet up with my friend at the middle school. he was on his bike I was skating so we went to a couple of street spots and then we got bored. he turns to me and said do you want to go smoke. I said sure so we walk about a mile to this couch in the middle of the woods he pulls out the stuff that's when I tell him I have never smoked before he laughs and says ok this will be interesting so he pulls out a can and some green we start smoking and it takes a while to kick in im wondering why do I not feel different so I keep smoking about 8 bowls later still nothing im thinking wow this is stupid so I get up and am about to leave when bam it hits me I said dude I feel it im dying I need to go to the emergency room hes just laughing and filming it he's baked as fuck he turns to me and says your just paranoid I say you dick why didn't you tell me before he said because I wanted to see what you would do he told me it was safe and I would be fine then I sit back on the couch and I turn to him and say dude my dick is gone my dick is fucking gone it went up inside of me its gone he laughs and said ok take a piss and then lets go so I do I peed for like 3 minutes straight I was so confused he told me it was going to last for 24 hours im like oh ok then we walked down to taco bell looking and feeling invinsible I start running because I thought I was he flash and I was just laughing my friend kept turning to me and asking dude are you high and I said noooo he said yes you are and I said I know hahahahah then we walked into taco bell and go to the front counter and the cashier looks up at us and says do you have anymore my friend said no the cashier then whispers I am also baked as fuck he then asked do you want any cookies I said ya sure so we ordered then I gave my friend one of the cookies we ate all the food then we walked out and I realized I still had the cookie in my pocket so I took the cookie out and said to my friend hey watch this and then spiked it like a football we were laughing so hard then we walked another 2 miles up to the skatepark and we shredded I was way to high so I forgot how to skate I only stayed for a little then walked home as I walked inside I realized I didn't fell high anymore I then snapped my friend saying we are all good I am not high anymore he said neither am I...

Two things even happened yesterday!

I'm setting up my friend a grow room and when I saw the measurement of 2 x 2 meter I had to question it coz the room is rectangular! She measured the width twice! Lol

Then, I started drilling into the walls to put up some rails and forgot that I needed 2.2 meter on both sides of the opposite walls and drilled 2 meters into the other side! She didn't even realise either from a standing perspective!

So, moral of the story is:-

Don't do DIY when you are stoned!!

My story involves a deer,three friends and a Volkswagen beetle. Way back in the 70's my friends and I would drive into the country to smoke.....it really was only a few miles from where we lived but free from prying eyes and cops after smoking a couple of joints we decided to head back to our houses. After traveling about a mile or so we all were snapped back into reality with a great jolt . We quickly realized we'd been struck. We soon found out what had it had been. A large buck had hit us in the passenger side door killing itself instantly or so we thought. The driver of the car quickly stopped the vehicle to check out the damage so we all got out to take a look and that's when we saw the deer laying motionless on the side of the road. We all walked over to the beast which had broken one of it's antlers off . I reached down and picked the broken antler up as we circled the animal and all three of us bent down and observed how little damage we could see on the body so we assumed it had broken it's neck. We were touching the deer and I took the antler and touched the remaining antler and like magic that big mofo woke up and quickly stood up and started running and two of us were on the same side of the deer and one of us wasn't and I guess the friend who happend to be the driver quickly thought the deer was chasing him so he took off and the deer was right behind him. One of the things I forgot to say was this area was a wetland area and both sides of the road there was standing water in some places several feet deep.....After running down the road with the deer on his heels he decided his only escape was the water and his first step off of the road he stepped in a hole that was at least 6 foot deep and he disappeared from sight and the deer continued down the road .Well after we got our friend out of the water that's when the laughing started ... as I'm typing this I'm laughing. That was 1977 and those other two dudes are still my friends . We get together whenever we can and although the the deer story doesn't come up all the time .I know it's always on our minds and whenever I'm feeling bad I just remember that day which at the time was just another day in the lives of three stoner friends but for us it has proven to be a very special day. One that I know will be shared at our funerals as that time comes. I just hope I'm the last one who gets to tell it....!