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Funniest Stoner Stories

Discussion in 'Toke N Talk' started by PolyploidyPrince, May 15, 2008.


    PolyploidyPrince Well-Known Member

    Ok So I've been here for a bit and thought I should contribute. Every single one of you has on ridiculously funny story about smoking the ganja. I wanna hear em....Even if its on of those "I drank the bong water" kinda stories. So post em here and now!

    PolyploidyPrince Well-Known Member

    I'll start with mine. Me and a few buddies got really wasted one night and decided to go cause some havoc (FYI ranch dressing should not be used to stop a flaming wheel barrel). So after a long night of dangerous and stupid ideas we head back to my house. John Fred Faust (not real names). So we're walking through this field and a car rolls down the street behind us "is that a cop man?"
    Me "naw look at the car, cop cars don't have.....sirens....."
    BAM a spot light hits us.
    Fred Faust and John start running for a patch of woods. I just kinda stand there watching the whole thing (too baked to run) john reaches the tree line first and trips over a root going face first in the mud. Fred jumps over him and a tree branch clocks him in the face landing him right on john. Faust makes it past em both before his leg get caught in some thorn and he fall flat on his face. I'm still standing in the middle of the field. I look back at the cop car and I can see the cop LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF. he turns off the spot light and turns at the next street. IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF US. So we walked the two blocks back to my house and spent the next hour trying to figure out what just happened.........what a night....

    Pseudonym Well-Known Member

    One of my first times smoking me and my boys decide to hot box it in the driveway because one of our friends' parents were sleeping. Obviously it gets smokey as fuck and we're all making fun of each other. After about 10 minuites we all start getting paranoid as fuck that someone is watching the car. So we turn it on and just drive it around the block a little bit. Somehow we get lost and end up parking in this guy's yard just to smoke some more. Every time a car would drive by we freaked and then went back to smoking. Shit, that weed made everything funny that night.

    We ended up at Perkins with a shitty waitress who told us to get our own ketchup. We tipped her $0 on a $50 tab.

    Wh00p Well-Known Member

    I think all funny stoner storys involve the woods..

    but ill try to spin away from that..

    this was back when i was about rebellious, i was 18, living with a room mate..My dad gave me a brand spanking new Half stack =O =O(big amp) And gave me a guitar that me and him had been working on for like 2 years..(i put up a pick in fdds guitar thread) And of course i invite a shit load of people, get my room mate to buy booze, My Dad as a side deal gave me a QP of some dank shit for a family discount of 450..
    (you should have seen the house i lived in back then, it was dank as shit for a grand a month.) so anyway, this party is going down, im making mad money of this QP! so Now guess what happens? not the police..I have to perform..And as a update..Im high and drunk as shit..I once told Lacy that i cant play for shit high..much less High as shit! so before i get up there, i grab this energy drink, thinking its gonna make me a little bit better.. Hooohhh shit..im speedy as hell, ready to play some Death metal..
    Everyones loving it, i was bathing in the glory..Hell I even had a friend bring his guitar and jam out with me..

    So now im High, drunk as shit, and hyped up on No fear..

    my friends are screaming, the girls are screaming..

    Now the cop was knocking on the door.

    i put my guitar in the hard shell(NO CHANCES!!!) I talk to the officer, who turns out to be.. My Dads BESTEST friend..

    So he leaves im happy high drunk as shit, hyped up on energy drink and now im pissed,

    some drunk party crasher got up on stage and took out MY guitar.. If you guys thought before this i prob blacked out..this is where i blacked out..

    I woke the next day, to see my purple electric coustie smashed, and a ass "mold" implanted in my wall..

    so let me say it again..

    I was hung over as shit,
    my head hurt like a mother fucker
    I was starting to remember what happened to that guy..
    I wasnt looking forward to cleaning up the mess..

    AND i had to answer the cops that were knocking on my door

    ..wait what?

    this time they wernt my dads friend..

    if he was here right now he would smack me for telling everyone this story >.<
    blazed up

    blazed up Active Member

    ok i got a funny story.

    this happened last year.

    my mum bought a brand new 07 plate golf GTI.

    me and 2 friends smoked some 4 gram superblunt and had a 2 gram mix on the go.
    1 hour later all our weed is dead where we have smoked it all.
    For a joke i got my mums car keys and sat in the car listening to music due to being bored.
    i then started the engine and i just had to take the car out. I was very local to my house when driving but that still got me in trouble. I was on a road that is just under 1 mile long and i used it as a drag racing lane.
    I hit 115 mph and slowed down to 50 after coming to the end of the road. I checked my rear veiw and saw blue lights and a police car behind me. I litterly was so scared i just put my foot down and shot off and went down side roads and finaly escaped. I parked the car up on the drive perfectly and 25 mins later i had a knock at the door and it was the police.
    Licence lost for 3 years and a £700 fine.
    ouch i was stupid

    40acres New Member

    I once pulled over for what i thougth was a mandatory checkpoint stop, sat there for 20 minutes wondering why noone seemed interested in me and the cops looking at me like i was stupid. turns out, the gas station that i was sitting in front of had a gas leak or break in or something.
    I dont know if i was relieved or just feeling dumb.

    PolyploidyPrince Well-Known Member

    Similar thing happened to a friend of mine....while I was in the car.... A cop pulled up behind us and he FREAKED OUT cause we had like an 8th, I'm used to having about an Oz on me at all times so I didn't expect him to take off......half an hour later(after out running the cop) he pulls into a parking lot and ANOTHER cop pulls in behind him. I had enough time to grab the keys.....the cop came up and told us his tail light was out, warning. So needless to say he felt like a complete ass.....and I of course agreed....

    PolyploidyPrince Well-Known Member

    Well I guess were all out of funny stories....oh well theres always another one around the bend....
    mr. sir

    mr. sir Active Member

    so i just got done making some special cookies and im letting them cool off when the phone rings. i go answer and get totally caught up in the conversation. after about an hour on the phone i go check on my cookies and 3 of them are gone. my instant reaction was wtf!!!, i go running around the house trying to figure who ate them. and the culprit was my 12 year old brother, he gets all high and doesnt know what is going on and freaks out, and parentals find out and get in a lot of trouble lol,all in all a bad day, out money from buying weed, money from not selling cookies, feeling bad for getting my little brother high, and getting grounded til i move out around ( 14 months )
  10. Ok, heres my story. Me and 2 of my buddies were toking up at the beach at like 1 in the morning. We just kept smoking until we realized that our quarter was gone :( . So we start wondering around ( We were cooked :P) and came across a mansion that was under construction. We saw the security cameras and realized we couldnt actually get inside, so we start taking the rolls of sod from the front yard to the road. We started to unr roll it all over the road laughing sooo dam hard. By the time were done we had covered about 150 meters (450 ft) of the road with grass. The next day we were at my house watching tv and we saw us on the news! It turns out that there was a camera in the front of the house that we didnt see, but had a perfect view of us. Luckily it was dark as fuck and you couldnt see who we were. But making the news when your high is pretty sick!

    TimboSlice Well-Known Member

    Bahhhhhhhhhhahahahahha, thats soo funny



    Thats good stuff .. Ahah..

    foolin72 Member

    I got a million stories but ill put the ones i love most fyi i make alot of typos especcially on this laptop

    anyway i remember a long time ago me and my 2 other friends were in a school field we decided to put a bug in the bong ( i know dumb idea cause we couldv inhailed the bastard) but we didnt so after 1 hit we watched him he was on his back tottaly friend he died whatever we tossed him out anyway we continued to smoke then we got paranoid cause we were againts a fence and there was a persons house behind us and they came outside so we went to the creek smoked there found a couple of my alcohal bottles LOL anyway we go back to the field absolutly no word of a lie a part of the field was on fire so we fuckin panic ( my friend was lighting lighting little fires while blazing IDOIT) so he runs over there and stomps it all out while me and my friend are taking pictures laughing our asses off so when he comes back i interview him and he shows us his burnt shoe and for some reason my friend was walking around with a random toothpick in his mouth

    2. this was when i was about 12 years old just new to smokin the leaf and me and a friend had a smoking compitision i smoked more but kept on going eventually i smoked it all so i get up im like holly fuck am i ever baked! so i sit on a little hill watching people at the skate park then everything starts to move to the side my head would turn to the side and i would twitch to move it back it happend forever and i would get up walk around twitch and fall on my ass then i started talking to random people and im like is this a dream?! so later on my friend offers to sleep over cause i was way to fucked up to go home so his mom picked us up and i got in the back seat she asks whats your name and reaches her hand out i look at her cross eyed head moves to the side and i twitch shes like are you stoned!?!? i kinda laugh and smile and look out the window so we go to his house and i remember we were leaving his house to hang out later that night i was going down a steep hill and landed face first anyway mission failed didnt find anyone for some reason i watched jean symon family jewels and i normally dont watch that stuff then i pass out wake up the next morning awkward as hell with his parents

    3. Well sadly this is not a weed story but its an acid story i know my fellow stoners will loose interest but its kind of funny so i buy 10 hits of acid one day and i go home grab some water in a water bottle and go to the church yard with a friend and take 6 go on the bus to the mall looking out the window everything is getting colourful so when we get to the mall we leave cause it was boring we go to the school cause it just ended and i take 2 more so im tottaly screwed up then i talk but i cant change my voice like my voice wasnt normal i wasnt tripping out at all i couldnt make my voice normal like picture this talking real low like a demond voice do it right now or at least picture it and you cant change! thats what it was but high pitched but meh i didnt care later on it went away so from there we go back to the mall with everyone then it really starts to kick in holly shit man did it ever i was supposed to save my buddy 4 hits but i couldnt its like having weed and trying to save it but my vission was sooo weird then it kicks in even more when people would walk by it sounded like cars on futurama i had about a half a dozen anxiety attacks and when i was looking at a guys face it was going staticy and i could hear static and his body was going colour full more panic attacks i freak out cause i have to piss more panic attacks so we go out side then i wanna go to a field for some reason and we go through this field that leads to the field we wanted to go to it felt like i was in africa or somthing the grass was brown very sunny but these plants were changing colours real fast im trippin out so we go to the field i just run around and play then its kinda black from there then were at the creek and my friend leaves i walk BAD THING i had to walk home alone tottaly fucked up through these dark streets and dark stairs so i walk and i cant see fuck all cause theres so many colours lucky me i made it home but i forgot to sleep...

    4: this is a story about somthing i did real dumb stoned k starts off with me and the 2 buddys i mentioned before for almost a whole week we smoked weed all day at least 30 minutes every hour sleeping doesnt count anyway so my memory is real black for this but ill say what i remember so i remember i traded my phone for a big bag of weed we smoked it all got real stoned the only real funny part of it all is that me and my friend slept in the other guys tree fort in his yard and we ordered pizza so later that night i had to shit real bad we wernt aloud inside not even in his tree fort so i took a shit in his yard DIREAH! and pissed all over so i call up my dad got a ride home next day i talk to my friend on facebook and he is wondering why theres a big pile of shit in his yard so we just luaghed our asses off and explained to him

    5 i think.... one last story then im done so i remember going to a friends house far away from my city called greenwood i stayed there for a week so i settled in relaxed his parents were stoners too what a home!!! and he knew someone who grew so we went over and he had an amazing fort you first walk in its a piece of shit then you lift up the carpet and theres a hole go through that hole BAM stoner heaven bongs pipes weed tv couch fuckin heaven friends anyway we went there every single day and i was stoned the whole time i was in greenwood and i remember smoking weed the whole way through pinaple express THEN we went camping we rolled around 13 joints got real stoned it was nice i remember i had a sling shot and i was hiding in the bushes shooting his lil bro with some rocks funny stuff and i remember every morning theyd wake me up joint would be already light and wed toke away not that funny like the rest of my stories but hell of a good time

    i apologize that these are long but if you have time and are looking for a good laugh read these i find these halarouse funnyer then the others iv seen but that is because it is proubly my experience and i was there but yeah its pretty funny
    pce :leaf:

    200sxy Well-Known Member

    loving the stories very funny, dont realy have any myself, always just mates getting stoned at someones place just chilling, watching movies, playing games, chatting, and goin to partys. keep the funny stories comming, they crack me up

    stelthy Well-Known Member

    I was in Amsterdam we (4 of my mates inc. me) went into the Grasshopper, we all like to show off when it comes to rolling, we did a windmill, a 10 spliff shotgun, a back-flipped blunt, and i did an OZ pure Tulip it was fuckin' huge we smoked the windmill 1st everyone was coughing it was so hot lol, after 5 or 6 JD n Cokes later we slow toked on this NY Diesal Bf'd Blunt my eyes ballooned up with propper chink-eye and I could hear my heart beating in my ears and lost all sense of balance, we decided to take a seat with some American lads, to toke n share stories they were noobs.. they'd bought pre rolled skunk and some other stuff that was fag heavy (cigerette), we blew our trails into the ash tray from the blunt and i took out this huge motherfucker Tulip, an Ounce + some chocolate tasting Hash and thc crystals from all of our space cases, crystal trays, it smelt hardcore before we even lit it! Everyone was intimidated including us ..the biggest tulip before that we'd ever smoke was a Q, lol, so with out further delay i rotated this bitch in my lips and fired it up :) it was a thick creamy hit with thc streaming out it smelt like Lemonade and Sherbert infused with superb quality bud (no tabboco) we passed it left and everyone except this fat 'super-Hippy' (flares, flower deco shirt, long curly hair, bandana etc) took a hit, we passed it to this hippy guy he was real crazy like! he'd say things like man...it like an ocean of love in here, lol, and talk about his presumably made up weed stories like an acid trip with visuals lol, anyhow, he gets peer pressured into a lungfull lol and he gags THROWS UP LOL, all over the table catches his breath after several minutes and exclaimed "thats a ONE-TOKER" lol, i laughed my ass off his puked was all on the table and the look on everyones blitzed faces were an absolute picture lol, the bar/bud man from the other side of the Cafe starts coughing loudly and calls out SMOKEY SMOKEY, and goes to the door and opens it allowing fresh air in, we had bonged out the whole cafe with this king kong sized Tulip :) the bar dude turns around to see this fat deluded hippy still dribbling with a projectile vomit trail in front of him lol, and says the same thing ONE TOKER EH? lol, :) and throws the dude out, we left after but was laughing about it all night. funny shit :) - STELTHY

    sarah22 Well-Known Member

    man these stories are great! lol. i have some funny stories but they're reasonably short...
    1) when i had first started toking, i got some amazing white widow. it was the first bag of weed i'd ever bought and i got a half ounce of this AMAZING super dank widow. one night i got really really baked. when i came in the house i walked passed the kitchen to get to my room, and the aloe vera plant that was sitting by the kitchen window was chirping like a bird. lol. all i could hear was this friggin chirping from the plant. so then i went in my room to lay down. i was laying in bed on my stomach with my head on the bed and my eyes closed. my window was open and a gust of wind went by my window causing the blind to make a noise and i there was a flash of light from outside. so the sound startled me, i shot up and sat perfectly still, and for some reason my immediate thought was "im getting abducted by aliens!" haha. after a minute of thinking about it i laughed and said to myself "you are not you dumbass" lol. then i heard a voice coming out of my fan in my room. it sounded like a guy drowning...so i looked at the fan and said "dude, you ok in there?" hahahaah god...i miss the days when my tolerance was non existent!

    2) one day i was on the bus going to meet a friend downtown. i had blazed not long before i left the house and was still pretty baked on the bus. so im sitting there looking out the window and listening to my music, and all of a sudden i thought that i wasnt wearing pants. i had a sharp pang of anxiety for a moment because i thought that i'd gotten on the bus without any pants on and i was in my underwear. but then i looked down and realized that everything was all good :D hahaha

    im sure i'll think of more, so i'll come back and write more when i think of them

    RalitsaD Member

    Here is one for.Me and one of my friends were stittin'at home watchin tv and smokin some pot (as usual when my parents weren't at home).After an hour somebody knock on the door,my friend looks at me really seriosly so i start to laught because of the look at his face and he asks "Who is it ? " and they ansawr "The cops." and this is when he said "What an relief" and he replies to them "What do u want?" and the say "We wanna talk to u for a sec." The next my stupid, stupid friend says "How many of u are out there?" Instead of goin there and open the freakin door he kept askin them qustions! Here is the part that realy cracked me up i swear i never though that anybody would say somethin like that! So he asked the how many of u are there, right and they say Its two of us, why and he says with a smile on his face, a really weird smile to WHY DONT U TALK TO EACH OTHER THEN! HE SAYS ......TO THE COPS! I swaer i was laughin so hard that blacked out this is one of the funiest things thats ever happend to me and my friend . I say one of ... because there are more stories involving cops
    Total Head

    Total Head Well-Known Member

    this one has less to do with being dumb from being stoned but being stoned made it even better. we were about 16 or so and about 7 of us were smoking in my friend's garage and this obnoxious chick who wouldn't shut up about her boyfriend just HAD to call him so she asked if she could use the phone (we didn't have cells in the 90s lol). so she's on the phone being all gross with all this i love you crap with all this disgusting giggling and twirling her hair, the whole deal. we all wanted to puke. she's really on a roll and then all of a sudden the phone starts making that loud ER ER ER ER noise like when it's off the hook to long and she jumps a mile and looked like she felt like such an asshole. hahahahahha it was friggin epic. laughed so hard i got internal organ freeze.

    Supgee3 Well-Known Member

    no word of a lie.

    one day I was super baked by myself.... getting ready to leave to walk towards the mall.
    I put my shirt on, I put my sweater on... I put my shoes on... and I open the apartment door..

    I'm walking down the hallway almost outside when I realized, WORD!!! I WAS IN MY UNDERWEAR!!!!

    I laughed hysterically to myself, thanking god that I didn't actually get outside... just down the apartment hallway..

    Good times...

    Jizzum Member

    Well im sitting here reading every one else's post blazed and thinking i should post my own. so here iiiit goes!

    i will base this story on the whole years events. Firstly me and my mate (late teenagers) smoke it up every night and whenever we are home in the day. sometimes we get some good shit and get fuckin buzzin. We have started our own metal band with just us 2 and record songs. When we get bud we take it straight home buy the ciggies and red bull, make sure we got everything so we dont have to leave the house. We grab out the electric guitar and just start blasting away on it and the drums writing random stoner songs. I will admit some shits hectic and blows our minds, especially because it is all improvised. now we have literally written about 1000 songs not joking and are about to start putting the best parts together. So in the end our songs will turn out to be all masterpieces hopefully. but now we have been smoking too long we cant write without bud or even pick up the guitar. And once we have played enough for the night we'll chuck on some tunes and just enjoy and pass the billy back and forth. We have massive d&m's and trip each other out all the time. Doin random as fuck shit and singing some fuckin random songs but in the end they sound awesome, almost like you've heard it somewhere before.

    Anyway we 've had some crazy adventures picking up bud. it seems to be that we mainly pick up from hungry jacks in different towns from different dudes. we talk some crazy conspiracies and always get into some funny shit. paranoid of the cops as most people are.

    And the craziest thing is that we both believe that weed is the best thing there is, well weed & music and the two things blend together too epicly. But there is this mind level that stoners have and the sort of dreamy feeling like everythings a dream (everythings funnier on the weed i always say) and we both feel like we have the same level minded feeling like we are the only ones that exist or we are in a dream but no one else seems to give away those kind of vibes. i guess thats why we are best brothers and both love writing epic metal music and funny as fuck stoner songs all day and night till we pass out then get up for work in the morning.

    We al know about the munchies, we always give into them and go to hungry jacks and maccas, once we ordered 3 family boxes. I could go on forever but i will end it here. Enjoy the music and weed people.

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