Best Joke to Tell High?

I ran across this and thought I would share it

Ever heard of the phillip morris sponsored group called MADD ---Mothers Against Drunk Drivers ???/ WELLL THEY AINT SHIT

D.A.M.M--Drunks Against MADD Mothers

Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

A: Pick him up, and give him a blow-job.


Peace Y'all

Ever hear about the woman who had a seashell tattooed on her upper thigh?

You could put your ear up against it and smell the ocean.

not so much a joke but when your mate is really high ask them to open their eyes as wide as they can.

give them 5 seconds and they burst into a fit of laughter

xCanadabisx said:

Ever hear about the woman who had a seashell tattooed on her upper thigh?

You could put your ear up against it and smell the ocean.

Click to expand...

ahahaaaha! that was pretty funny

Why aren't gays allowed to open accounts at sperm banks?
Because as soon as they make a deposit they turn around and
make a withdrawl.

Mommy? Where do babies come from?

Well Jimmy, the white ones come from a stork.

Where do the black ones come from?

They come from crows, Jimmy.


I know, I know a tad racist, but I didn't make that one up, Arnold Schwartzenegger told that one in the 70's

heisenberg is driving down the highway when he gets pulled over. the cop walks up to the side of the car and says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
heisenberg responds, "I have no idea, but i know EXACTLY where i was."

Q-What do u call a lesbian from the middle east?

A-Saudi Alabian

How Come Helen Keller Couldnt Drive?

CUZ SHES A WOMAN!
xD

I Know Waaayyyy To many Anti women Jokes To Be A Chick I Swear.... xD

How do you piss off a pot head?

magnets.. (they take the pot, off his head)

Two Peanuts walking down an alley one was assaulted GET IT

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

how to tell if a blind person has just had sex
the bruses on her face

The Phone Rings at an Alaska Police Station:

Dispatcher: Hello, Police Dept.

Bob: Howdy this is Bob calling bout my neighbor John, I don't know how he's doin' it, but hes hiding marijuana in his fire wood!

Dispatcher: Ok sir thank you for the tip, we will send an officer over to talk to him.

The following day, a police raid unfolds on neighbor Johns house. After the police leave, Bob makes a phone call:

Bob: Hey John its me Bob your neighbor, was just wondering if the police stopped by.

John: Hell yeah they did, they dun come over in all kinds of fancy gear and split up all my wood out back; it was the the damdist thang.

Bob: Happy Birthday Brother Johnny, come on over and hit this bong!!!

Alaskans Git Er Done!

Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
Because it would be racist.

Damn, first my camping trip was cancelled to norway, then my amy winehouse concert was cancelled, then i ended up in hospital in stockport, but never mind, a nice nurse called rebecca is looking after me, she is just changing my drip.

mrs mcvitty had only one titty to feed her baby on,
the poor little fucker had only one sucker to gnash his teeth upon,
and all of a sudden a big mealie puddin came flying through the air,
did she duck,
did she fuck,
it caught her fair and square,
and now she is in the family way,
some poor bastards got to pay,
70 bucks a week, 70 bucks a week.

How is sex in a canoe and american beer alike?


They're both fucking close to water.

Guys, guys, guys. I know a lot of us want to tell jokes about Amy Winehouse, but we should do it one at a time. In fact, we all really should just form a line. It's what she would have wanted.