Best Joke to Tell High?
- Thread starter MrDank007
- Start date
WeeGogs
Active Member
does pappa bear like playing with little kiddies,
you sound like you have been forced to suck cock pappa bear by someone at some time,
what a shame big boy, did they bully you at school pappa bear.
ChubbySoap
Well-Known Member
that wasn't a very funny joke....
O__o
this one is very adaptable...depends how well one spins the yarn...
How to catch a polar bear...
Cut a 6 foot diameter hole in the ice in an area frequented by polar bears....lakes are a good spot
Open and sprinkle one to two cans of sweet peas round the edge of the hole.
Wait patiently.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, run up and kick it in the ice hole.
hmmm....doesn't do so well in text form...ah well, to late now....
O__o
this one is very adaptable...depends how well one spins the yarn...
How to catch a polar bear...
Cut a 6 foot diameter hole in the ice in an area frequented by polar bears....lakes are a good spot
Open and sprinkle one to two cans of sweet peas round the edge of the hole.
Wait patiently.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, run up and kick it in the ice hole.
hmmm....doesn't do so well in text form...ah well, to late now....
ChubbySoap
Well-Known Member
i try again...meh...
An alcoholic, a sex addict and a pothead, all die and go to Hell.
Satan is eagerly waiting for them and tells all of them with a twinkle in his eye, "I am in a good mood today, so I am going to let each one of you pick one thing you love from earth and let you keep it here for 1,000 years, and then I will return for the goods."
Satan first approaches the most suspicious of the lot...the alcoholic, "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the alcoholic responds, "I want the finest brew, wine and liquor you can get me". Satan brings him to a room filled with every type of beer on tap, the finest aged cellars of wine and of course the purest grain alcohol, each type of liquor you could possibly think of or never afford to even taste; a never ending supply of it all. The man yells, "WHOOAH!!" in excitement, and runs into the room. Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan then approaches the sex addict and asks "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the astonished sex addict responds "WOMEN! I want lots of beautiful women, one for each day of the year!". Satan brings him to a room filled with only the most gorgeous women imaginable. Some with huge breasts, some with small breasts, some with big asses and some with small asses, some tall with never ending legs and some short. Hundreds of them. All of the women are hot, naked and very horny. The sex addict immediately gets a raging hard on and runs into the room. Satan chortles, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan finally approaches the pothead and asks "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the pothead quickly responds, "Well, that's easy! I want the best pot you got, man! That would be awesome.". Satan brings him to a room which is filled with the tallest, thickest, stinkiest, most dank plants growing on for acres. The sweet smell from the purest plants fills this enormous room, just begging to be harvested. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. It was beyond belief. The pot head was so awed and humbled by the sight of these beautiful plants, that he slowly walked into the room, he sat down Indian style, took several slow deep breathes, closed his eyes and proceeded to meditate on this miraculous sight. Satan, slightly taken aback, looks at him curiously, shuts the door and locks it.
**ONE THOUSAND YEARS PASS**
Satan returns to the room containing the alcoholic, unlocks and opens the door. There is broken wine and liquor glass bottles shattered everywhere. A wave of stench boils from the door, a sickly brew of rotting animal flesh and piss. The alcoholic comes running at the door, naked covered in his own vomit and shit, screaming "HELP!, I don't want anymore. Let me out of here!". Satan laughs, bodily shoves the poor soul back into the room, shuts the door, and locks it tight. Satan lets out a peal of laughter.
Satan then makes his way to the room containing the sex addict, unlocks and opens the door. Thousands of children running run to and fro around the room. The wail of babies crying madly making so much noise no one could hear their own scream. Hundreds of very very old ladies now limp around with no clothes on, still very horny for the sex addict who upon seeing the open door attempts to run out the door as Satan watches. Before the sex addict can utter a word of desperation, or makes it three paces, Satan laughs wildly, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan rubs his hands with glee and continues on to the final room containing the pothead. He carefully unlocks and opens the door. After a quick look inside, Satan's evil grin turns to a look of confusion. Nothing had changed. The plants were untouched; just as dank as the day he left them. Even the pothead was in the same position, sitting down with his legs crossed. So Satan walks up behind the pothead, taps him on his shoulder and says, "What's wrong?". The pothead looks up, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
"Got a light, man?"
An alcoholic, a sex addict and a pothead, all die and go to Hell.
Satan is eagerly waiting for them and tells all of them with a twinkle in his eye, "I am in a good mood today, so I am going to let each one of you pick one thing you love from earth and let you keep it here for 1,000 years, and then I will return for the goods."
Satan first approaches the most suspicious of the lot...the alcoholic, "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the alcoholic responds, "I want the finest brew, wine and liquor you can get me". Satan brings him to a room filled with every type of beer on tap, the finest aged cellars of wine and of course the purest grain alcohol, each type of liquor you could possibly think of or never afford to even taste; a never ending supply of it all. The man yells, "WHOOAH!!" in excitement, and runs into the room. Satan laughs, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan then approaches the sex addict and asks "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the astonished sex addict responds "WOMEN! I want lots of beautiful women, one for each day of the year!". Satan brings him to a room filled with only the most gorgeous women imaginable. Some with huge breasts, some with small breasts, some with big asses and some with small asses, some tall with never ending legs and some short. Hundreds of them. All of the women are hot, naked and very horny. The sex addict immediately gets a raging hard on and runs into the room. Satan chortles, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan finally approaches the pothead and asks "What is it that you would like to have?", to which the pothead quickly responds, "Well, that's easy! I want the best pot you got, man! That would be awesome.". Satan brings him to a room which is filled with the tallest, thickest, stinkiest, most dank plants growing on for acres. The sweet smell from the purest plants fills this enormous room, just begging to be harvested. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. It was beyond belief. The pot head was so awed and humbled by the sight of these beautiful plants, that he slowly walked into the room, he sat down Indian style, took several slow deep breathes, closed his eyes and proceeded to meditate on this miraculous sight. Satan, slightly taken aback, looks at him curiously, shuts the door and locks it.
**ONE THOUSAND YEARS PASS**
Satan returns to the room containing the alcoholic, unlocks and opens the door. There is broken wine and liquor glass bottles shattered everywhere. A wave of stench boils from the door, a sickly brew of rotting animal flesh and piss. The alcoholic comes running at the door, naked covered in his own vomit and shit, screaming "HELP!, I don't want anymore. Let me out of here!". Satan laughs, bodily shoves the poor soul back into the room, shuts the door, and locks it tight. Satan lets out a peal of laughter.
Satan then makes his way to the room containing the sex addict, unlocks and opens the door. Thousands of children running run to and fro around the room. The wail of babies crying madly making so much noise no one could hear their own scream. Hundreds of very very old ladies now limp around with no clothes on, still very horny for the sex addict who upon seeing the open door attempts to run out the door as Satan watches. Before the sex addict can utter a word of desperation, or makes it three paces, Satan laughs wildly, shuts the door and locks it.
Satan rubs his hands with glee and continues on to the final room containing the pothead. He carefully unlocks and opens the door. After a quick look inside, Satan's evil grin turns to a look of confusion. Nothing had changed. The plants were untouched; just as dank as the day he left them. Even the pothead was in the same position, sitting down with his legs crossed. So Satan walks up behind the pothead, taps him on his shoulder and says, "What's wrong?". The pothead looks up, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
"Got a light, man?"
newworldicon
Well-Known Member
Again for the stupid amongst us, this is a joke thread and seen as you are the only one up in arms it seems you might have had to suck uncles cock a couple of times.
Bring back bad memories?
Stop being a council ned!
ChubbySoap
Well-Known Member
One day a stoner decides to try his hand at ice fishing, so he gathers his supplies and heads for the nearest ice.
He wanders out to about 20 feet out, smiles happily, and begins to dig out a hole in the ice.
Suddenly a loud voice booms out "You won't catch any fish there!!"
Startled, the stoner looks around, but no one can be seen.
Somewhat hesitantly, he gathers up is gear, and nervously moves out an extra 20 feet and begins to dig again.
The voice booms out again though, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE EITHER!"
This is too much for the poor stoner....he shouts out, "God!? Is that you!?"
The reply is quick and tart...
"NO YOU DIPSHIT! I OWN THIS ICE RINK!!"
He wanders out to about 20 feet out, smiles happily, and begins to dig out a hole in the ice.
Suddenly a loud voice booms out "You won't catch any fish there!!"
Startled, the stoner looks around, but no one can be seen.
Somewhat hesitantly, he gathers up is gear, and nervously moves out an extra 20 feet and begins to dig again.
The voice booms out again though, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE EITHER!"
This is too much for the poor stoner....he shouts out, "God!? Is that you!?"
The reply is quick and tart...
"NO YOU DIPSHIT! I OWN THIS ICE RINK!!"
watchmefly420
Member
This made me want to cry not laugh.
WeeGogs
Active Member
suck it fat boy.
WeeGogs
Active Member
This guy was on the side of the road, hitch hiking, on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm.
The night was black and no cars went by.
The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him.
It stopped.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car started moving slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve.
The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.
Wet and in shock, he goes to a cafe and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went thru.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same cantina and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, there's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!
The night was black and no cars went by.
The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him.
It stopped.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car started moving slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve.
The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.
Wet and in shock, he goes to a cafe and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went thru.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same cantina and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, there's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!
WeeGogs
Active Member
FREEBIRDS EMPLOYEES LOVE TALKING AND JOKING ABOUT ABUSING CHILDREN
we now know what gets your imagination going pappabear
vapevixen
Member
A lizard's trucking through the woods and he sees a monkey in a tree. "Yo Monkey" he says, "whatchoo doing?" The monkey replies "I'm just smokin' this joint man wanna join me" So the lizard climbs the tree and they smoke the joint together. Pretty soon the lizard says his mouth is dry and he's going to the river to get a drink of water. The monkey says "cool man" and stays in the tree. An alligator is trucking through the woods and sees the monkey in the tree and says "You monkey, whatchoo doing" The monkey looks at the alligator and says "duuude!.....how much water did you drink?"
tardis
Well-Known Member
No offense, but I really wish there were a dislike choice available!
I should probly add a joke as well, since there have been many so far i've enjoyed.
How many Mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, the only problem is fitting both mice inside the same lightbulb.
I should probly add a joke as well, since there have been many so far i've enjoyed.
How many Mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, the only problem is fitting both mice inside the same lightbulb.
BendBrewer
Well-Known Member
"Autistic Kids Rock."
"A dyslexic walks into a bra."
"A dyslexic walks into a bra."
stephaniesloan
Active Member
aaaaaaawww,
did daddy fuck you hard when mommy was at work.
newworldicon
Well-Known Member
How do you arrive at that deduction...I'll pass it off as a stoner moment where you got confused miss tye dye t-shirt shall I?
ShadyStoner
New Member
Not really a joke but it's funny as hell
In the middle of a conversation say the most random thing you can - my favorite is hairy horse cock
people get so fucked up when they hear that they get thrown off
my best time doing it was in a police interrogation
In the middle of a conversation say the most random thing you can - my favorite is hairy horse cock
people get so fucked up when they hear that they get thrown off
my best time doing it was in a police interrogation
ShadyStoner
New Member
Why is there cotton in Tylenol bottles?
To remind black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers. ha
To remind black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers. ha
ShadyStoner
New Member
Little Jonny is an eight year old biy who lives with his mom dad and granda...
Little Jonny here's noises coming from his parents rooms late at night so he goes to see what it is. When he opens the door he sees his mom bent over the dresser and his dad pounding the shit out of her. He asks what he is doing and Dad laughs and says go back to bed.
The next his Dad here strange noise coming from grandmas room, he goes to see if everything is okay. When he opens the door little JOnny has her bent over and hes going at her. He looks up at his dad and says NOT SO FUNNY WHEN ITS YOUR MOM IS IT?
Little Jonny here's noises coming from his parents rooms late at night so he goes to see what it is. When he opens the door he sees his mom bent over the dresser and his dad pounding the shit out of her. He asks what he is doing and Dad laughs and says go back to bed.
The next his Dad here strange noise coming from grandmas room, he goes to see if everything is okay. When he opens the door little JOnny has her bent over and hes going at her. He looks up at his dad and says NOT SO FUNNY WHEN ITS YOUR MOM IS IT?
wangyunan
Active Member
OK I got an old one,
A and B are lost in the wild and could not find anything to eat for couple of days, desperately they decided to cut and eat a small piece of their own flesh to keep em alive. hands and legs are too precious to cut if they wanna make a way out of there, after a discussion they had an agreement that they're gonna cut off and eat their own dicks.
because off the hunger and to make it less painful, A grabbed the machete and chopped his cock off immediately. while A was wolfing down his dick, he saw B was jerking off and A suddenly regretted...
A cried: why didn't I think of enjoy a handjob for the last time!........
B: WTF are you talking about man!! u think I'm in the mood of doing this? I just wanna make my meal bigger!!
A and B are lost in the wild and could not find anything to eat for couple of days, desperately they decided to cut and eat a small piece of their own flesh to keep em alive. hands and legs are too precious to cut if they wanna make a way out of there, after a discussion they had an agreement that they're gonna cut off and eat their own dicks.
because off the hunger and to make it less painful, A grabbed the machete and chopped his cock off immediately. while A was wolfing down his dick, he saw B was jerking off and A suddenly regretted...
A cried: why didn't I think of enjoy a handjob for the last time!........
B: WTF are you talking about man!! u think I'm in the mood of doing this? I just wanna make my meal bigger!!