My response:
"yeah, well I dont like that you waited to talk to me for the first time until my back was turned, just to scare the sh%t out of me. You couldn't have started off slow like writing me a post-it note that says "hey I'm about to talk, be prepared." Then the first words out of your mouth is criticism about my life. WTF? And if your so wonderful, how come I still have to pick up your sh%t from the backyard. Oh and I'm pretty sure I go to college, have a job, and pay for your food, vet bills, and replace the shit you decide to rip up all over the house. All you do is eat, sleep, shit, and repeat.... Maybe you should re-evaluate your life. Have anything else you would like to critique me on?
P.S. I dont like it when you drag your ass on the carpet when I have company over.
LOL that last one maybe laugh a little.