What would you do

If you just recently have separated after 10+ years. Live in a state with 0 family and friends. Have been cooped up for so long you feel institutionalized.
I've been waking up every day this past month, with absolutely no reason to even get out of bed. Yet I force myself, and try to find something to do... Every day is the same... I'm still trying to quit smoking in hopes that things will get different.
I'm pretty sure I have severe depression. I'm starting to think I may need to commit myself some where. Like a mental hospital or something...can't really afford that though.
I haven't had a job in about two years. My last job was part time at papajohns, bout a year. Before that I had a good job working for a cable company and I was in tech support, you know, the department that everyone loves getting transferred to..was there for a year..my ex and I use to work there together, we both hated it, and just bounced out of there one day. Between the two of us, we had about 10k saved up. So we decided let's move to Albuquerque! I'll get my card and liscense, and grow weed out the ass. She has her bachelor's degree, so we assumed it would be ez for her to find a job, which it was.
Well let me back up even more. I use to have lots of friends. Some might even say I was kinda popular. But when I fell in love, I really didn't even want to hang around anyone else anymore. I guess just wanted to do everything with her..That went well for probably the first four or five years, then life just got dull as fuck! Beyond bored with the same day by day routine, I started secretly smoking weed again( we met in rehab and were trying to take the sober route) it didn't take long before we were both smoking, and smoking a lot..this had lead us/me to being comfortable with not doing anything ever. Just sit around and be stoned outta my mind all day everyday. At first I didn't think it would ever get old. But now here I Am. Whenever I'm at home, I wish I was out doing something fun, but when I'm out, all I can think about is getting back home.... Literally nothing excites me anymore it seems. I honestly think if I had enough money to go out and buy a Lamborghini, I would just let it sit in the garage. Nothing sounds fun....
So everyday I wake up motivated to not smoke weed, hopeing for a change, but every evening, I end up giving in. For some reason, when it starts getting dark, that's when I want to smoke the most, cause I think, well the days already over, I can take a hit and be ok, or I can continue to try and stay sober, and basically go crazy.
Also, I've heard this time and time again. When I was very young and first started to smoke, it was awsome, I loved to go out and do stupid shit with my friends. Now it the opposite.. horrible anxiety. I literally can't step out the house or talk to anyone besides my ex if I'm high. I guess I always thought if I smoke enough of it, it will eventually get back to the way it was, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just been getting worse every year.
Ugh, and here I am, spent at least an hour writing this, and for what.. Will I get something out of it? Probably not..what could I possibly get out of it? I don't see how any advice can help my situation.. I guess it's just good to get some of this stuff out...

Sorry to hear about your slump. Really don't have any advice, maybe try changing your diet, see a psychiatrist/doctor? Idk man, hope it get's better for you.

Will Ferrell said:

If you just recently have separated after 10+ years. Live in a state with 0 family and friends. Have been cooped up for so long you feel institutionalized.
I've been waking up every day this past month, with absolutely no reason to even get out of bed. Yet I force myself, and try to find something to do... Every day is the same... I'm still trying to quit smoking in hopes that things will get different.
I'm pretty sure I have severe depression. I'm starting to think I may need to commit myself some where. Like a mental hospital or something...can't really afford that though.
I haven't had a job in about two years. My last job was part time at papajohns, bout a year. Before that I had a good job working for a cable company and I was in tech support, you know, the department that everyone loves getting transferred to..was there for a year..my ex and I use to work there together, we both hated it, and just bounced out of there one day. Between the two of us, we had about 10k saved up. So we decided let's move to Albuquerque! I'll get my card and liscense, and grow weed out the ass. She has her bachelor's degree, so we assumed it would be ez for her to find a job, which it was.
Well let me back up even more. I use to have lots of friends. Some might even say I was kinda popular. But when I fell in love, I really didn't even want to hang around anyone else anymore. I guess just wanted to do everything with her..That went well for probably the first four or five years, then life just got dull as fuck! Beyond bored with the same day by day routine, I started secretly smoking weed again( we met in rehab and were trying to take the sober route) it didn't take long before we were both smoking, and smoking a lot..this had lead us/me to being comfortable with not doing anything ever. Just sit around and be stoned outta my mind all day everyday. At first I didn't think it would ever get old. But now here I Am. Whenever I'm at home, I wish I was out doing something fun, but when I'm out, all I can think about is getting back home.... Literally nothing excites me anymore it seems. I honestly think if I had enough money to go out and buy a Lamborghini, I would just let it sit in the garage. Nothing sounds fun....
So everyday I wake up motivated to not smoke weed, hopeing for a change, but every evening, I end up giving in. For some reason, when it starts getting dark, that's when I want to smoke the most, cause I think, well the days already over, I can take a hit and be ok, or I can continue to try and stay sober, and basically go crazy.
Also, I've heard this time and time again. When I was very young and first started to smoke, it was awsome, I loved to go out and do stupid shit with my friends. Now it the opposite.. horrible anxiety. I literally can't step out the house or talk to anyone besides my ex if I'm high. I guess I always thought if I smoke enough of it, it will eventually get back to the way it was, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just been getting worse every year.
Ugh, and here I am, spent at least an hour writing this, and for what.. Will I get something out of it? Probably not..what could I possibly get out of it? I don't see how any advice can help my situation.. I guess it's just good to get some of this stuff out...

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Take a lot of ecstasy and reevaluate your life.

i dunno if this is a troll post or not so ill quickly jot down some shit and hopefully it helps
you have dependency issues when it comes to relationships

you certainly sound depressed which isnt a good thing you should seek out a referral to someone who is a professional who can help you. if you dont want to take medications they cant force you too, just be firm about it
a therapist or counsellor is what you need , they can help you with coping mechanisms.

additionally you should attempt to get out within the community to do stuff, its hard to get yourself out of a slump or rut, however routine typically helps people or a dedication to something
maybe try volunteering once or twice a week somewhere
take up a yoga class, or something healthy within the community
if you put yourself into group settings eventually you will meet new friends and people who you can do things with.

you can also pick up other hobbies at home.
i know it sounds silly but there is a lot of research on how crafting or hobbies help mental health issues.

goodluck best wishes

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I know its always easier said then done, but maybe getting creative could help. When I do music or draw, time flies. You can't screw anything up, because you start with nothing. It's 100% progress in even the smallest ways.

It always feels good to produce some good fruit in life, to break the chain of consumption.

Body in motion, stays in motion. Have a game plan the night before, always. I drink acup of coffee, blaze, take a shower, then on to my tasks. The second I sit idle, reading meaningless bullshit on the net, I get into what I call a 'refer rut'. Only way to get out ime, is a game plan. gotta stay movin'

Speaking of consumtion (sic), consider long pig

After my second divorce, I felt a lot like you do, OP. I started volunteering at a local soup kitchen with a buddy, and that really seemed to help. It helped me get out of my own head and my own problems, and woke me up to the fact that I didn't have any real problems. These hungry homeless people did. A couple of months of this seemed to pull me out of my negative mind state. Try volunteering for the less fortunate, or be a big brother to some kid. The world needs a lot of help, and there's never enough to go around...

Ok so wow, all great ideas. But yeah, easier said than done.
@420God , I just don't think I can afford and doc visits, but that's probably what I desperately need. Changing my diet sounds like a good place to start. I honestly eat very unhealthy.
@mrsunshine , I've actually been asking around(people I sell to) for shrooms. Sounds like it might be exciting..I only did ecstasy once when I was younger and it was a bad experience.
@sunni, love your advice. But how could something like this even possibley be trolling? I thought trolling was ment to piss people off? It definitely makes sense I'm dependant towards relationships. I haven't been single since I was 14...I've often daydreamed about being single, this isn't what I had in mind, lol..I just can't afford professional help. Forcing myself out of the house seems to be the only thing I can think of, but I live about 30 minutes away from town, so it's kind of a lo g drive to do anything. I did go to play poker the other night, which is something I've been wanting to do for the longest. Maybe I can make that a once or twice a week thing. Its just so hard getting out..my main hobby/life at home is messing around in the growroom, and playing with my dog. I'd like to take him to dog parks again, but he picked up a bad case of ringworm from there.. we use to go hiking, it's too cold for that right now though.
(Woohoo just got a txt for a delivery tomorrow)
@xSwimToTheMoon that's a good idea, I have a wooden Indian chief statue that's been needing to be painted for awhile now.
@dangledo, I think that's a very good idea, I just have to come up with shit to do, and stick with it. Usually if I have a plan to do something entertaining, I just blow it off when the time comes..
Ugh I guess I better go eat something.. thanks for trying to help

If you're never happy in your life while not smoking weed, you'll never be happy while your smoking either.
Replace cannabis in your scenario with alcohol or pills or hard drugs...you'd probably already be dead.
If stopping smoking helps you to focus more on changing things in your life that need changing - future, education,
job, relationships, environment, hobbies...then you should do it.

It's called being in a rut.
Keep doing the same thing and stay miserable.....or start making small changes to your daily routine and begin the slow climb out of the rut. After a while you'll realize that what once was a problem is now nothing but a distant memory......but it all begins with you my man.
Good luck my friend and BTW you were funny as shit in Talladega Nights

Will Ferrell said:

Ok so wow, all great ideas. But yeah, easier said than done.
@420God , I just don't think I can afford and doc visits, but that's probably what I desperately need. Changing my diet sounds like a good place to start. I honestly eat very unhealthy.
@mrsunshine , I've actually been asking around(people I sell to) for shrooms. Sounds like it might be exciting..I only did ecstasy once when I was younger and it was a bad experience.
@sunni, love your advice. But how could something like this even possibley be trolling? I thought trolling was ment to piss people off? It definitely makes sense I'm dependant towards relationships. I haven't been single since I was 14...I've often daydreamed about being single, this isn't what I had in mind, lol..I just can't afford professional help. Forcing myself out of the house seems to be the only thing I can think of, but I live about 30 minutes away from town, so it's kind of a lo g drive to do anything. I did go to play poker the other night, which is something I've been wanting to do for the longest. Maybe I can make that a once or twice a week thing. Its just so hard getting out..my main hobby/life at home is messing around in the growroom, and playing with my dog. I'd like to take him to dog parks again, but he picked up a bad case of ringworm from there.. we use to go hiking, it's too cold for that right now though.
(Woohoo just got a txt for a delivery tomorrow)
@xSwimToTheMoon that's a good idea, I have a wooden Indian chief statue that's been needing to be painted for awhile now.
@dangledo, I think that's a very good idea, I just have to come up with shit to do, and stick with it. Usually if I have a plan to do something entertaining, I just blow it off when the time comes..
Ugh I guess I better go eat something.. thanks for trying to help

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some people make up drama threads like this asking for help etc but its fake
i tend not to give advice anymore because its far too often its fake rather than serious and than i have wasted my time giving advice

there are programs for people though who can get professional help for free. you just have to ask and dig around

tyler.durden said:

After my second divorce, I felt a lot like you do, OP. I started volunteering at a local soup kitchen with a buddy, and that really seemed to help. It helped me get out of my own head and my own problems, and woke me up to the fact that I didn't have any real problems. These hungry homeless people did. A couple of months of this seemed to pull me out of my negative mind state. Try volunteering for the less fortunate, or be a big brother to some kid. The world needs a lot of help, and there's never enough to go around...

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I've been thinking about the soup kitchen idea for quit awhile now.. I've just never taken that next step to get involved. I think I will start doing research on that tonight, and just do it.

oldtimer54 said:

It's called being in a rut.
Keep doing the same thing and stay miserable.....or start making small changes to your daily routine and begin the slow climb out of the rut. After a while you'll realize that what once was a problem is now nothing but a distant memory......but it all begins with you my man.
Good luck my friend and BTW you were funny as shit in Talladega Nights

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Lol thanks I do have to take partial credit.
Man I've heard about being in a rut, I thought I've gone through a few, but apparently not, this is a big one.

Will Ferrell said:

Lol thanks I do have to take partial credit.
Man I've heard about being in a rut, I thought I've gone through a few, but apparently not, this is a big one.

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Do anything, regardless of how little or insignificant, that you don't normally do; just to slightly change your life. Take a short walk at some point during the day, stuff like that. But keep it up

Will Ferrell said:

Lol thanks I do have to take partial credit.
Man I've heard about being in a rut, I thought I've gone through a few, but apparently not, this is a big one.

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There nothing better than pulling your ass out of the rut and seeing how beautiful things are from an entirely different perspective. You can do it . I have faith in you . And you were funny as shit in Elf !

Volunteer at a dog resue or the spca. And take handfuls of mushrooms better yet ayahuasca but stay away from XTC..

Soup kitchen might make you more depressed. But at SPCA animals are cute and fluffy. And mostly girls work there. Instant pussy magnet.

keep yourself occupied as much as possible

Im smoking some Bodhi Wish Mountain and watching an old 1986 episode of
Magnum PI. In this episode, Higgins is tending to his orchids and says to Magnum,
"A good hobby is essential to the well being of the psyche. Lifting one's thought's above
the mundane day to day problems into a more...uh...elevated plane...wouldn't you say?"
Thought it was relevant.

probably kill myself