Two sentence joke

What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls on your head?
A pool table.

What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

Pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel on his crotch.

Rrrr it's drive'n me nuts.

Did you hear what happened; when the Pope went to Mount Olive?

Popeye nearly killed him!

What do you call that piece of skin that surrounds the vagina?.............................A WOMAN

Dark humor is like food in Venezuela and North Korea, not everyone gets it!

Best pickup line ever.
Go up to a girl sitting at a bar.
And ask her. Can I push up your stool?

How do Ethiopians celebrate their child’s first birthday ??????


They put flowers on the grave.

TwistItUp said:

Best pickup line ever.
Go up to a girl sitting at a bar.
And ask her. Can I push up your stool?

Click to expand...

"I shit my pants, can I get in yours?" Lol never works..

lol you guys where like fuck it lets bring back a year old thread and work on that shit.

Two guys are walking through the woods when they found a big pile of Rabbit Shit ...

“ What’s that ? “ ...one of the guys ask.

“ They’re Smart Pills “ ... the other guy said.

Just then the first guy grabs a scoop and eats them .....
“They taste like SHIT !!!! “..............

Second guy says ... “ SEE ....you’re already getting smarter !!!! “

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know but it’s flag is a big plus.

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There are no menus because you get what you deserve.

What did the stoned bank robber say upon entering the bank and pointing his gun ???? All right mother stickers this is a fuckup !

what did one nut say when trying to catch the other nut?
I'm a cashew!

What did one burp say to the other burp?
Let's be stinkers and go out the back door.

What's green and slimy and smells like bacon?
Kermits finger.

SageFromZen said:

Two Asians clip each other in an intersection...

...sounds like a Nguyen-Nguyen situation to me!

Click to expand...

DID YOU ALL HERE ABOUT THE BLIND PROSTITUTE? YOU GOTTA HAND IT TO HER

Whats the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

a drunk doesn't need to go to those stupid meetings!


Why do women with bad hygiene have belly button rings?

Its the best place to hang the air freshener!


Why do men die before their wives?

They WANT to.


How is a puppy like a near sighted gynaecologist?

They both have a wet nose

An old couple (who own a Chinese restaurant) are laying in bed. The husband suddenly turns to the wife and states
"I wanna '69' NOW!!" The wife replies; "why you want 'beef and broccoli' at this time of night?!"

What should you do if you come across an elephant?
Apologize and wipe it off.

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.