Throwing in the Towel...

So, i just had a lucid dream... but i couldn't control it, this has been happening for about 6 months now, many aspects about these lucid dreams have been the same. This one started out with me waking up from from my girlfriends bed (as i was taking a nap in it when i fell asleep), i noticed a distinct burning smell, as i looked outside through the window there was a car, and a boat on fire... my girlfriend was beside me and turned and i said look at that, they are on fire, when i turned again they weren't on fire.

I then looked through the window at a peculiar house, part of it was missing... i squatted down to get a better look and as my eyes traveled past the middle divider of the window it was back to normal, that's when i knew i was in a dream.

My girlfriend disappeared, i walked over to the door... but somehow i knew even before i got there that it would be locked, sure enough, it was. I turned around and knew that i wouldn't be able to get out the window either... (as this has been happening for months now) so i sat down cross legged... then all the sudden i appeared outside, and i saw the trees start to burn, a fire bigger than the landscape, and a feeling of dread comparable to my sleep paralysis night terrors.

I knew i was dreaming so i tried to fly into the sky like i usually do, to only come back down, i turned away from the fire and started to try to fly away, but it was more like a really long jump.. i started losing control and moving in circles until i managed to catch onto a tree branch, i didn't know what else to do... i figure, a back flip seems kind of scary from up here... lets just try that, so i did... and i slowly woke up with my eyes open looking at my pillow. The feeling of dread, guilt and fear did not subside for a while after i awoke.

I haven't told anyone about these things, but they have been happening regularly, different signs, different things happening that i can't explain even within this reality (yet nothing supernatural). I am afraid i am going to go to hell, and i think i have been getting extremely minor glimpses of what it is going to be like. I don't know what to do, I'm either going mad, or i need to make a change, or both. I have to stop doing things that go against what i think is right, if i don't, i am terrified that i will suffer for it when i die. I hate thinking like this, but it just won't go away, it keeps staring me in the face, the more time passes the more intense the feelings and reality of it all becomes. The more i try to deny it, the more powerfully it seems to bombard my mind.

I think I'm going to start to pray, though i don't like the bible nor the teachings. These things are really hard for me to say, because they go against everything i stand for, logic, science, evidence, this reality... but it is so persistent that i can't deny it any longer, and i don't really have anyone else to tell this stuff to.

I think I'm just going to try that out for a while, to see if these visions stop, to see if these dreams come to an end. I haven't been the best person lately, cheating on my girlfriend, which is something i know i need to stop doing... though i haven't done it in months and it was only a few times.

I don't know, i guess I'm ready for the ridicule, the scientific hypothesis, the spiritual interpretation, and the theological explanations. I guess I'm just looking for any kind of advice that may be able to help me out with this. The only other things i can think of are to pray for forgiveness to some god, and to try my best to refrain from doing things that i think are wrong... any other advice, thoughts or ideas are more than welcome.

Thanks RIU.

Blessings brother,
Simply acknowledging that you need to make a change ,well..thats the first step on your journey.
If your not feeling blessed find a way to be a blessing to someone,then you will start to receive...stop cheating and tell her,the emotional weight of your actions can absolutely have an effect on every part of your life.
Dont know if this is any help,but,it seems your hurting...and I felt the need to reply.

Peace

Thanks bud, means a lot. I have already told her though and it still won't stop... /shrug

This is why we humans are so religious. We are compelled. We're wired for it. cn

28And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions:
29And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit.
30And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke.
31The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the LORD come.
32And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call.

Note to self;

Posting bible verses is not going to help one bit, i would rather have your opinion... that means more than borrowed words.

cannabineer said:

This is why we humans are so religious. We are compelled. We're wired for it. cn

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Do you have any ideas about why that is?

Zaehet Strife said:

Do you have any ideas about why that is?

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Only hypotheses.
Bottom line is I think our social structures as hominids predisposed us to the sort of schematic and hierarchic thinking that has us reflexively assign Purpose to being, and a Boss-principle to managing that Purpose. cn

I say you got an HD view of who you are inside right now, translated into a bombardment of stimulation through many more then simply your 5 basic senses. In the waking dream state i imagine your are at your most vulnerable and most powerful (spiritually/emotionally/mentally speaking) dew to limitless way in which you can examine and express yourself. This is all kinda out there and pretty much pure science fiction from my stand point but firmly founded with in the realm of possibility. I personally think that mankind, for the most part, has abandoned strength of the "spirit" in favor of strength of the "physical", with the mind, most notably, having both spiritual and physical aspects. It could even be genetic dew to societal changes thru history, but i personally think man once possessed much greater strength spiritually than any living man our group can boast. Some questionable science is even pointing to signs that minds may even be able communicate in some dream like states. We focus solely on the performance in the physical as a standard for personal success with little value placed on spiritual condition, often reflected in emotional stability.

I have not had much luck with the lucid dreaming myself yet, only gaining awareness once and only for a brief moment. but it seems like really exciting stuff, but obviously not with out its risks of damaging you psyche when in such a vulnerable and impressionable state.

this just all gets so matrix / inception like it is a little scary. Which reality do you want to exist in?

Hey, Zaehet! Sorry to hear about your recent unrest, and the awful feelings of guilt you are experiencing. You stated that you cheated on your gf, and that you haven't been the best person lately. Most of us seem to be wired for guilt when we are not living in accord with our principles, and that seems like a handy mechanism to keep us on the right path. It seems like the guilt is consuming you in a disproportionate way, unless you've done really awful things that you have not mentioned. I'm surprised that you wouldn't seek the assistance of a therapist before contemplating the act of prayer. In a lot of urban areas they psychologists/psychiatrists that work on a sliding scale depending on your income, I've utilized this resource a few times during my first marriage when I felt I couldn't handle things on my own. I'd say go with whatever works, but I feel the therapy route may help manage your anxiety and guilt much more effectively than the prayer route. Good luck, and let me know how it goes, bro...

Personally psychologists/psychiatrists therapy would be my last option, short of being institutionalization its defiantly the most expensive, and you are certain to be getting what you pay for and paying for what you get, if you what i mean. You will be dealing with someone who is doing a job, not someone who is passionate about helping you personally work thru your individual life. but good luck either way.

^^ That's why I mentioned the sliding scale, I was paying about a $10 co-pay per session as the State pays the majority of the cost. MDs are also dispassionately treating people effectively, I don't know if their passion and enthusiasm is a necessary part of the healing process...

Man, i wish more people would throw some advice my way...

Zaehet Strife said:

Man, i wish more people would throw some advice my way...

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Advice is only so useful in crises like these. I hope you accept my good thoughts though. cn

cannabineer said:

Advice is only so useful in crises like these. I hope you accept my good thoughts though. cn

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If what you said is as deep as i think... are you saying that it may be just a construct of my mind, manifesting all of my guilt, worries and fears into my dream state?

Or are you insinuating something entirely different?

Either way, you hold my respect, and have for a long time now CN. I appreciate your insights more than you know.

If you think praying will make you feel better, do it. Only way to find out.

When I reached that breakdown part of my life, I asked for peace of mind. I asked for courage and strength to do what was right.

Once you realize what is making you unhappy, (in this case cheating) make the change. Do it for your own heart and head, do it for your partner, and do it knowing it will be hard.

You may have to cut some things out of your life that make you have thoughts about cheating. The less you come into contact or think about those things the better.

I have been there, and it is a hard struggle.

Strife my friend,We only have ourselves to deal with ultimately,to put it simply ,we are our own judge and jury, I find this to be nonstop on very subtle and blatant levels,at least within my mind.You may recognize that you have probably doing something that conflicts with your personality/principles for a while,something seems to restrict your freedom within,Cant say that I know what it is,but one thing is for certain to me, something you have been doing is out of balance with your own core self,you need to get back in touch with youre roots man,talk to your family about it if it will help out for consultation,ground yourself from whatever it is youve been doing and make a change for the better, move on from your current situation maybe,.Ive read many things here that tell me youre a stellar individual and IMO there should be more like you,you have a great mind and Im willing to bet that you can find what it is you would like to do with your life more than anything else and pursue it.It just takes you setting your mind up and hitting GO.I would personaly like to recommend a book that I find a great deal of inner solace with reading,,,and no its NOT the bible,lol.The Tibetan book of living and dying,I think you might enjoy it if you havent read it yet.I hope nothing but the best for you Strife!

Thanks Dis, means a lot bro. I will definitely check that out. What you said makes sense.

Why is it so hard to say no when you get the opportunity to fuck a super hot chick? I hate that my resolve becomes so weak in these situations. I can get over a heroin addiction and quit smoking cigs... yet i can't fucking say no to a hot girl? Even though i know it's going to make me feel like shit afterwords. I've been good so far and haven't done anything since i told her about cheating, but i'm scared that i won't be able to say no the next time it happens.

Zaehet Strife said:

If what you said is as deep as i think... are you saying that it may be just a construct of my mind, manifesting all of my guilt, worries and fears into my dream state?

Or are you insinuating something entirely different?

Either way, you hold my respect, and have for a long time now CN. I appreciate your insights more than you know.

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I was trying to say something humbler actually.

I cannot know what is in your mind. i do not know the terrain of your thoughts, emotions, values. (I have been granted a very coarse survey of it in our exchanges.)
So, knowing that what is central and resonant and the axis of meaning for me ... might translate poorly to you, I withhold advice and instead simply say: I'm here if you want to talk.

I consider it likely that it is a construct of your mind but i cannot know this. This uncertainty makes me careful. The nonzero chance of giving you generally or personally bad advice, even from best intentions, stays my hand ... literally, as this is typed discourse. i hope that helps some. cn

Zaehet Strife said:

Man, i wish more people would throw some advice my way...

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put a pinch of sage in your boots, and all day long a spicy scent is your reward.