The Unofficial RIU Joke Page Duel?!?!

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HippyVibes

New Member
There was an Irish man , a scotish man and a english man stranded on a island starving to death and no sign of rescue .

Then out of the smoke they see a vooddo witch that gives them a wish each

He says to paddy irish man what do u wish 4 paddy , I want 2 be in a bar full of lovely women and lots of drink + food back home in ireland .. Voodoo Ok paddy ... capoof hes home

Says 2 paddy scots man what do u wish for paddy ,, I wanna be in bed with 3 mobels and all the food i can eat back home in bonny scotland .. ok paddy and hes gone

Then he says 2 paddy english man what do u wish 4 paddy .. Paddy english man stops and thinks 4 a while .... then says I wish my friends back ...

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F

fizzx

Well-Known Member
Plane Trouble
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
If you look out of the window on the port, or left, side of the aircraft you will see that the inner engine is on fire just below the fuel tanks in the wing. If you look out at the starboard, or right, wing you will observe that a widening crack has developed at the wing root, making it unlikely that the wing will remain attached to the fuselage. If you look down at the surface of the sea over which the aircraft is flying, you will notice a small orange dot. This is a life-raft. In it are your co-pilot, your flight engineer and myself. This has been a recorded announcement."
 
overfiend

overfiend

HeavyMetalHippie
so a blonde walks into a library and says I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES PLEASE!
the librarian says to her i'm sorry but this is a library.
then the blonde says wispering i'll have a cheeseburger and fries please
 
email468

email468

Well-Known Member
Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign: "Whoever can make the horse out back laugh, free drinks!" The guy goes out back and whispers in the horse's ear. By the time he comes back into the bar the horse is laughing and laughing and the guy says: "Well bartender do I get my free drinks?" The bartender says: "Sure!"

Next week, the same guys comes into the bar and sees a sign: "Whoever can make the horse out back STOP laughing, free drinks!". Once again, the guy whispers in the horse's ear and by the time he comes back into the bar the horse is crying and crying and the guy says: "Well bartender do I get my free drinks?" The bartender says: "Sure. But I'm curious. How did you make that horse laugh and then cry?"

The guy says: "First I told him my cock was bigger than his... and then I showed him."

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

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D

dankforall

New Member
email468 said:
Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign: "Whoever can make the horse out back laugh, free drinks!" The guy goes out back and whispers in the horse's ear. By the time he comes back into the bar the horse is laughing and laughing and the guy says: "Well bartender do I get my free drinks?" The bartender says: "Sure!"

Next week, the same guys comes into the bar and sees a sign: "Whoever can make the horse out back STOP laughing, free drinks!". Once again, the guy whispers in the horse's ear and by the time he comes back into the bar the horse is crying and crying and the guy says: "Well bartender do I get my free drinks?" The bartender says: "Sure. But I'm curious. How did you make that horse laugh and then cry?"

The guy says: "First I told him my cock was bigger than his... and then I showed him."

============

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

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Click to expand...
VERY funny!! I like them both!!
 
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