Teach your children well please

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

I was hanging out with one of my best friends, his wife and 3 kids the other day at their local farmers market. The 2 older girls were talking with me (one is 5 the other is 3 years old) and I asked them if they wanted cookies from booth next to us. Of course they said yes and then I asked, "pick whichever one you want." The younger one picked these small heart shaped cookies and the older one picked the regular size star shaped cookie. I bought 6 of the small ones to compensate for the small size and so that they would be equal. I'm so nice right?

Well, 2.4566 seconds later, the youngest girl starts crying at the top of her lungs....."I want a star cookie! I'm in front of my friend now and it feels like I did something wrong for buying her a cookie. All was peaceful before that. But, you know what he does? He says "ok", picks her up and takes her back over to the cookies stand and buys another one.

Those girls are going to be just like my soon to be ex who gets everything she wants. I like to get what I want to, like everyone else, but not to the point where I'll manipulate someone else for it. Crying is a passive form of manipulation and it's one of little girls' best weapons as children.

I would have never bought her another one and taught her right there to say thank you to me and to either eat the cookie or give it back. I told my friend this but he is just interested in the easiest way to get her to shut up. The path of least resistance on his day off is a lot better than more screaming. He really just wanted to nap.

So, if you're going to add to the 7 billion people on this planet, do so with enough time to teach your children. This will just go on and go on, just like this ranting post will do nothing to change it.

Oh, and to my sister in law: stop sleeping in the bed with your kids. Past 5 years old is kind of sick in my opinion but your youngest kid is 13 now and that is bordering on perverse. You sick fat bitch. :fire:

Ok, I'm done now. Chime in now and if there are any opposers to what I say, go read a child psychology book and then argue you sickos.

spandy · Aug 28, 2012

Well, parents these days have it in their minds that they are raising children and they treat them as such.

My wife and I are raising adults. They are children now, but soon the world will expect things of them, and why not have them ready for it all?

Balzac89 · Aug 28, 2012

My parents never bought shit for me. But when it came to college then they wanted to help me pay my way through.

Thats the difference between need and want. That is what we should teach our kids.

TheWiseInfidel · Aug 28, 2012

i woulda backhanded that girl(if i was her father of course)

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

spandy said:
Well, parents these days have it in their minds that they are raising children and they treat them as such.

My wife and I are raising adults. They are children now, but soon the world will expect things of them, and why not have them ready for it all?

well put spandy. it's amazing to see differnet cultures' solution or way of dealing with children. ever go to Japan, Hong Kong, or other Asian countries? if you did you would notice that the kids are acting like little adults. they interact with them on an adult level and it's awesome. no screaming, no yelling, etc. just children that are tought to live in an adults society.

the reason why? because (in Japan the most), they have a 'we' mentality. by 'we', i mean that when they talk of something, they say we as in we japanese. they consider themselves as one entity, to abide by their norms and assimilate with the rest of the culture. not the individual mentality that we have where it's the best man wins.

i'm not for or against our culture or any other, but i find it absolutely facinating to watch. i don't believe that there is only one way to do things, but a blend would be nice. the more you know and learn the more you can implement within yourself.

i really feel like a fortune cookie right now

mellokitty · Aug 28, 2012

on the one hand, i see where you're coming from. every parenting book/article/study i've ever read says that if you give in to demands to get them to stop an unpleasant behaviour (whining, crying, hitting, etc.), it reinforces the idea that that behaviour = getting what i want. (i fucking ABHOR whining. "i can't hear you when you whine" has served me well this year.)

give it a decade; your buddy is bound to feel the sting of that well before his daughter is inflicting her sense of entitlement onto some unsuspecting young man.

me personally, i find that my kid (like most under-6s) is a bit of a logician - if i can break it down into simple enough words. in this case i'd've tried something like "hey, mr mantis was nice enough to buy you *6 WHOLE COOKIES* because the heart cookie you chose is smaller than your sister's star one. it doesn't matter if her cookie looks bigger than yours now; you'll still end up with the same amount of cookie in your tummies.... now wasn't that nice of mr mantis? do you think it makes him feel good to see you crying over buying you something nice?"
if the tantrum persists, bye-bye cookies. (this is a fertile double lesson - be happy with your choice AND respect/gratitude.)

on the other hand, maybe your buddy was having an 'off' day -- hell, i only have one kid and i have days where i'm like "fine, crayon on the walls if you want...... i'll clean it up just as soon as i can lift my head....."
if they're usually reasonably "with-it", the odd parenting slip-up (we all have skeletons in our closets) isn't going to turn their daughters into octomom.

and one cannot forget the toddler's rules of engagement:

if i'm holding it, it's mine.
if you're holding it, it's mine.
if it looks like mine, it's mine.
if i have the same thing, yours is mine (even if it's not).
if i'm building something/playing with something in pieces, every unit in the set is mine, don't touch it.
if you're bigger than me, you must've gotten something better than me.
if it looks better than mine, it's mine.
......if it's broken/yucky, it's yours.

:lol:

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

TheWiseInfidel said:
i woulda backhanded that girl(if i was her father of course)

that's the way i was raised and my father much worse but i don't think it's right. my gramps was a master sergeant in the army so my dad got potatoes in college. no cookies.

violence is not the answer. i believe in hitting only in self defense. then kick ass and make fubars.

gangnam style

[video=youtube_share;9bZkp7q19f0]http://youtu.be/9bZkp7q19f0[/video]

chrishydro · Aug 28, 2012

The Mantis said:
I was hanging out with one of my best friends, his wife and 3 kids the other day at their local farmers market. The 2 older girls were talking with me (one is 5 the other is 3 years old) and I asked them if they wanted cookies from booth next to us. Of course they said yes and then I asked, "pick whichever one you want." The younger one picked these small heart shaped cookies and the older one picked the regular size star shaped cookie. I bought 6 of the small ones to compensate for the small size and so that they would be equal. I'm so nice right?

Well, 2.4566 seconds later, the youngest girl starts crying at the top of her lungs....."I want a star cookie! I'm in front of my friend now and it feels like I did something wrong for buying her a cookie. All was peaceful before that. But, you know what he does? He says "ok", picks her up and takes her back over to the cookies stand and buys another one.

Those girls are going to be just like my soon to be ex who gets everything she wants. I like to get what I want to, like everyone else, but not to the point where I'll manipulate someone else for it. Crying is a passive form of manipulation and it's one of little girls' best weapons as children.

I would have never bought her another one and taught her right there to say thank you to me and to either eat the cookie or give it back. I told my friend this but he is just interested in the easiest way to get her to shut up. The path of least resistance on his day off is a lot better than more screaming. He really just wanted to nap.

So, if you're going to add to the 7 billion people on this planet, do so with enough time to teach your children. This will just go on and go on, just like this ranting post will do nothing to change it.

Oh, and to my sister in law: stop sleeping in the bed with your kids. Past 5 years old is kind of sick in my opinion but your youngest kid is 13 now and that is bordering on perverse. You sick fat bitch.

Ok, I'm done now. Chime in now and if there are any opposers to what I say, go read a child psychology book and then argue you sickos.

How many kids do you have?

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

mellokitty said:
on the one hand, i see where you're coming from. every parenting book/article/study i've ever read says that if you give in to demands to get them to stop an unpleasant behaviour (whining, crying, hitting, etc.), it reinforces the idea that that behaviour = getting what i want. (i fucking ABHOR whining. "i can't hear you when you whine" has served me well this year.)

give it a decade; your buddy is bound to feel the sting of that well before his daughter is inflicting her sense of entitlement onto some unsuspecting young man.

me personally, i find that my kid (like most under-6s) is a bit of a logician - if i can break it down into simple enough words. in this case i'd've tried something like "hey, mr mantis was nice enough to buy you *6 WHOLE COOKIES* because the heart cookie you chose is smaller than your sister's star one. it doesn't matter if her cookie looks bigger than yours now; you'll still end up with the same amount of cookie in your tummies.... now wasn't that nice of mr mantis? do you think it makes him feel good to see you crying over buying you something nice?"
if the tantrum persists, bye-bye cookies. (this is a fertile double lesson - be happy with your choice AND respect/gratitude.)

on the other hand, maybe your buddy was having an 'off' day -- hell, i only have one kid and i have days where i'm like "fine, crayon on the walls if you want...... i'll clean it up just as soon as i can lift my head....."
if they're usually reasonably "with-it", the odd parenting slip-up (we all have skeletons in our closets) isn't going to turn their daughters into octomom.

and one cannot forget the toddler's rules of engagement:

if i'm holding it, it's mine.
if you're holding it, it's mine.
if it looks like mine, it's mine.
if i have the same thing, yours is mine (even if it's not).
if i'm building something/playing with something in pieces, every unit in the set is mine, don't touch it.
if you're bigger than me, you must've gotten something better than me.
if it looks better than mine, it's mine.
......if it's broken/yucky, it's yours.

interesting take mellokitty. and what a personal dilema it is for all of us? i don't have kids so i can't really say how i would act until i have one. i'm sure i'll give in sometimes as no one is a perfect parent. your logical tactic (double lesson) will work with your child and it's awesome that you took the time to read about it and invested in your childs' future.

lordjin · Aug 28, 2012

mellokitty said:
on the one hand, i see where you're coming from. every parenting book/article/study i've ever read says that if you give in to demands to get them to stop an unpleasant behaviour (whining, crying, hitting, etc.), it reinforces the idea that that behaviour = getting what i want. (i fucking ABHOR whining. "i can't hear you when you whine" has served me well this year.)

give it a decade; your buddy is bound to feel the sting of that well before his daughter is inflicting her sense of entitlement onto some unsuspecting young man.

me personally, i find that my kid (like most under-6s) is a bit of a logician - if i can break it down into simple enough words. in this case i'd've tried something like "hey, mr mantis was nice enough to buy you *6 WHOLE COOKIES* because the heart cookie you chose is smaller than your sister's star one. it doesn't matter if her cookie looks bigger than yours now; you'll still end up with the same amount of cookie in your tummies.... now wasn't that nice of mr mantis? do you think it makes him feel good to see you crying over buying you something nice?"
if the tantrum persists, bye-bye cookies. (this is a fertile double lesson - be happy with your choice AND respect/gratitude.)

on the other hand, maybe your buddy was having an 'off' day -- hell, i only have one kid and i have days where i'm like "fine, crayon on the walls if you want...... i'll clean it up just as soon as i can lift my head....."
if they're usually reasonably "with-it", the odd parenting slip-up (we all have skeletons in our closets) isn't going to turn their daughters into octomom.

and one cannot forget the toddler's rules of engagement:

if i'm holding it, it's mine.
if you're holding it, it's mine.
if it looks like mine, it's mine.
if i have the same thing, yours is mine (even if it's not).
if i'm building something/playing with something in pieces, every unit in the set is mine, don't touch it.
if you're bigger than me, you must've gotten something better than me.
if it looks better than mine, it's mine.
......if it's broken/yucky, it's yours.

Very well said, Kitty.

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

chrishydro said:
How many kids do you have?

0

point taken. however, my ramblings are only based on my somewhat dated education. i was a psychology major at a good state college with a minor in child psychology and finished with a 3.7gpa for my major/minor and received a ba.

i loved child psychology because it puts the responsiblity soley on the parent. the first 5 years are the most important in shaping a child and how they will interact in the future. so buckle down and spend the time doing it right the first 1826 days. you'll thank me when your child is wiping your arse in 20-60 years! if not you'll wind up like my great uncle in a room full of uneducated assisted living folks who don't even change the sheets enough to prevent the bedsores.

lordjin · Aug 28, 2012

The Mantis said:
0

point taken. however, my ramblings are only based on my somewhat dated education. i was a psychology major at a good state college with a minor in child psychology and finished with a 3.7gpa for my major/minor and received a ba.

i loved child psychology because it puts the responsiblity soley on the parent. the first 5 years are the most important in shaping a child and how they will interact in the future. so buckle down and spend the time doing it right the first 1826 days. you'll thank me when your child is wiping your arse in 20-60 years! if not you'll wind up like my great uncle in a room full of uneducated assisted living folks who don't even change the sheets enough to prevent the bedsores.

Don't take it to heart. I don't agree with the notion that having children elevates a person to any kind of entitlement beyond those who do not. Raising children is a self-inflicted hardship, and a person doesn't automatically get a badge just because he/she has a kid.

Criticize away, childless adult. I do it all the time.

Edit:
In fact it's the people with kids that should feel bad. You don't see us dragging a fucking' screaming speaker around in public.

bowlfullofbliss · Aug 28, 2012

TheWiseInfidel said:
i woulda backhanded that girl(if i was her father of course)

So we should teach our children that it's ok to physically abuse them because of a little tantrum over a cookie? WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I can't even believe I'm reading this ignorant shit. If you don't have kids you're in no position to judge a parent for handling a situation how they did. You have zero frame of reference to model your response from. You can do everything the way you wish and kids are still kids, and little jealous moments happen all the time with siblings, period end of story.

Get married, build a life, and add children, then you can have an opinion about someone elses parenting, which should be kept to yourself if you wish to have friends or family that will associate with you.

lordjin · Aug 28, 2012

bowlfullofbliss said:
If you don't have kids you're in no position to judge a parent for handling a situation how they did. You have zero frame of reference to model your response from.

So if I see someone beating the crap out of their kid, I should mind my own business because I don't have children?

mellokitty · Aug 28, 2012

The Mantis said:
interesting take mellokitty. and what a personal dilema it is for all of us? i don't have kids so i can't really say how i would act until i have one. i'm sure i'll give in sometimes as no one is a perfect parent. your logical tactic (double lesson) will work with your child and it's awesome that you took the time to read about it and invested in your childs' future.

lordjin said:
Very well said, Kitty.

awwww...

i'm not without my mothering shortcomings. (but we're not here to talk about those are we?

)

one thing i'm very very happy i did (even though people kept telling me i was crazy) is i started doing breathing exercises together quite early; pretty much as soon as i could tell the difference between discomfort and anger crying.
as soon as we developed words, it became:
"are you mad?"
"YEAH :cuss:

"
"does it feel good?"
"NO :cuss:

"
"breathe with me....... (3 to 6 deep breaths plus arm movements) ....doesn't that feel better?"
"..... yeah......."

now, i have a pre-preschooler who can (sometimes) breathe their way out of a meltdown. it's pretty cute to watch, too (there's a lot of hyperventilating and that h-f-f-f-f-f lower lip thing).

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

bowlfullofbliss said:
So we should teach our children that it's ok to physically abuse them because of a little tantrum over a cookie? WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I can't even believe I'm reading this ignorant shit. If you don't have kids you're in no position to judge a parent for handling a situation how they did. You have zero frame of reference to model your response from. You can do everything the way you wish and kids are still kids, and little jealous moments happen all the time with siblings, period end of story.

Get married, build a life, and add children, then you can have an opinion about someone elses parenting, which should be kept to yourself if you wish to have friends or family that will associate with you.

jin has a point and usually does (plus awesome jaw dropping female photos) it's been a minute since we last talked about og kush. i'm still growing my cut keeper tahoe og from cc seed. 3rd time now, 1st outdoor. good to see you i'll catch up on your thread soon.

i agree my opinion is baseless without a kid, so take my words as you will. however, i never said my way is best - only that you should read. and i'm not igorant. i'm educated without experience. you seem to have experience, but lack tact, respect, and education because to agrue with me is ignorant in itself. jealous moments happen (jealousy is a normal human emotion) yes, but it's up to the parent to guide the children how to cope with their jealousy. read 'a dangerous passion' by David Buss to see the effects of jealousy in cultures.

maybe i will get a family one day. and if i do, i still won't use profanity at someone who disagrees with me on a message board.

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

mellokitty said:
awwww...
i'm not without my mothering shortcomings. (but we're not here to talk about those are we? )

one thing i'm very very happy i did (even though people kept telling me i was crazy) is i started doing breathing exercises together quite early; pretty much as soon as i could tell the difference between discomfort and anger crying.
as soon as we developed words, it became:
"are you mad?"
"YEAH "
"does it feel good?"
"NO "
"breathe with me....... (3 to 6 deep breaths plus arm movements) ....doesn't that feel better?"
"..... yeah......."

now, i have a pre-preschooler who can (sometimes) breathe their way out of a meltdown. it's pretty cute to watch, too (there's a lot of hyperventilating and that h-f-f-f-f-f lower lip thing).

great exercise mellokitty!

i love the breathing exercises to control my anger and stress. i need to work on it more because i've kind of forgotten about it. i have two awesome ones:

1 - breathe in deeply and slow as possible until you cannot suck in any more breath. then hold in the breath for as long as you can. then let it out as slow and long as possible. repeat. after 2 minutes or so you will almost forget what you were mad about.

2 - more advanced and my favorite. do the same exericise but focus on which nostril is dominate (whichever you think is bringing in more air). once you figure out which nostril is dominate, focus on switching your dominate nostril to the other one. this one is amazing and will remedy almost any mood.

lordjin · Aug 28, 2012

mellokitty said:
awwww...
i'm not without my mothering shortcomings. (but we're not here to talk about those are we? )

one thing i'm very very happy i did (even though people kept telling me i was crazy) is i started doing breathing exercises together quite early; pretty much as soon as i could tell the difference between discomfort and anger crying.
as soon as we developed words, it became:
"are you mad?"
"YEAH "
"does it feel good?"
"NO "
"breathe with me....... (3 to 6 deep breaths plus arm movements) ....doesn't that feel better?"
"..... yeah......."

now, i have a pre-preschooler who can (sometimes) breathe their way out of a meltdown. it's pretty cute to watch, too (there's a lot of hyperventilating and that h-f-f-f-f-f lower lip thing).

That is commendable beyond words. Following the rise and fall of our breathing is at the core of Zen meditation (but you already knew that). The application of those principles to child-rearing is not only creative and intelligent, it speaks of your tendency towards the spiritual.

Look, I'm not some parent-hating asshole who hates kids (well, most of the time), and I realize what a gigantic undertaking it is to rear a child...PROPERLY. I'm just not into the whole idea of parents thinking they know more about life just because they have a screaming brat in tow.

cannabitch81 · Aug 28, 2012

lordjin said:
So if I see someone beating the crap out of their kid, I should mind my own business because I don't have children?

I think ur missing the point of the thread! No one is saying beat the shit out of kids when they act stupid... I think what the OP was trying to say, is that rewarding bad behavior in childhood will lead to entitled adults who lack the skills needed to be productive members of society.

Yes I am a parent.

The Mantis · Aug 28, 2012

cannabitch81 said:
I think ur missing the point of the thread! No one is saying beat the shit out of kids when they act stupid... I think what the OP was trying to say, is that rewarding bad behavior in childhood will lead to entitled adults who lack the skills needed to be productive members of society.

Yes I am a parent.

i fucking hate zombies more than anything. swear that

Teach your children well please

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