Spoken word (poetry) written to a track produced by WellEquiptRecordz (by:WE1)=ME1

Baby mamma drama occurred twice incidentally,
Cuz’ we couldn’t bare the pain of wrapping seeds inside of T.P.
See the outcomes the babies died prematurely
And I was left to fend alone in life insecurely
I can’t express exactly how my life changed indefinitely
But it definitely did She felt she had to blame me
And all this blame this I probably didn’t deserve
But blame me she did cuz’ I know the pain hurt
One more LIFE lost…The effect of the cause
Our friendship was the cost and I learned that love is flawed
Cuz’ in the end we are who we are
And even though we try… We can’t take it that far
I used to think that love could conquer anything
But every single time we fell in the same predicament
Vindictive more than jealous love
We came from different backgrounds it fuels what we become
And even though we practiced it was not enough
Cuz’ the moral to the story is there is no SUN
Or a little daughter my prides been dishonored
And After this infliction life seems so somber
So positive feelings are impossible to conjure
I am pessimist cuz’ my optimism’s slaughtered
I’d try to get it back but my heart is still trapped
Behind these walls of fake prides… and false masks
That will never allow me to adapt to habitats
I try to step forward but in the end I always backtrack
Back to drugs and soul inebriation
Afraid to love again so I’m alone masturbating
Spiteful… that I’m stuck in this arrangement
I’ve continued to sever every single close relation
Through the years I’ve sabotaged them all
I’m still trying to stand tall but in the end I always crawl
Back inside of these lonely dug trenches
So my life is held hostage by my best senses
So I’m plagued to stay stagnant no convalescence
Cuz’ my future is crippled from pain of past lessons
But when the last teardrop is finally shed
When all is done and said looking back in retrospect
I might feel happiness and life again
Cuz’ these lessons didn’t break they made me who I am
Who I am, who am I, I am…….Carved by the razors edge

The end

Dedicated to Hannah, Michelle, and Sarah (R.I.P.)
though I toke to this day....

yo your poem sucks dude!

Hey will someone please read this and comment, I know this isn;t the most popular forum but I am especially proud of this work, I have been writing for quite some time but I was always scared to touch this subject. However I think it works quit well, at least when I read it, but that is because I know how it is meant to be read, I was wondering how it reads for a general audience though, because the rhyme scheme is quite simple, but the actually rhyming words are quite slant (high, hight, sign, mine. ect....) I think the pattern is very simple (A,A,B,B,C,C, ECT...) I write rap music, but this is the first time I have tried to stick to a structure and lame ass rhyme scheme. At least it aint a sonnet!!!!! I don't know how the fuck to read that shit because it doesn't sound right in my head, besides rap is 4/4 pentameter, which is the diddy of today, and sonnets are a thing of the past.

I read it through but to be honest i am no critic when it comes to this kind of thing i haven't a clue.
I would be able to take it on board better if i could hear the music with the lyrics.
As far as i can tell it seems to be fine.
Tells of a guy being left on his own by a girl who miscarried or had a stillborn child?
Sounds very deep.
I can see nothing immediately wrong with it and it all looks cool but as i said i am no judge of this kind of material.