Sadista
Member
Copying some ponderings I have very recently written regarding my long term relationship.The logic is sound in my mind but seems to have led me down a rabbit hole and I feel even more lost, can anyone give some insight? Has anyone experienced similar?
"Why would he want to be with someone who he considered to be critical and non accepting of his being? How could he have this opinion of someone on one hand and accept on the other hand that this person loves him? Why would he want to be with me if I were that individual? Because he loves me he would say? Why would he love someone like that?
Perhaps because the truth that I am in fact not like that vibrates within him, and that is why he loves me. Perhaps His soul understands and connects with me. My truth is that I am not that kind of person, I very rarely have malicious intent in anything I do. So if its not me then where is it coming from? Where is the broken link?
What is it that causes his defence mechanism to kick in? What is it that triggers this hatred for me? Maybe hatred is too strong a word, but it is definitely an absence of love. Is it really true love that he experiences for me? How can he call it true love when it can disappear the instant his ego is injured by his prejudiced and misconceived perception of me, by his thought and his reaction? His ego doesnt love me. Pehaps the ego is incapable of love. I dont know.
Is this an inbuilt flaw in the human? If he acknowledged that it was in fact his ego that was causing the problems would that make him more considerate or understanding, would it make him a nicer person? Or are these detrimental reactions inevitable and unavoidable when it comes to being in a long term relationship? Are all couples living today in modern society programmed to only experience an illusion of love from watching bullshit movies and paying attention to the media and acting accordingly while at the same time knowingly or unknowingly harbouring hatred for their other half and accepting this as being part of the experience?
Is true love not described like this?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Need to point out here that I am not religious nor do I place any authority in words from a book but that description feels right to me. This description regardless of its source is something I would aspire to personally. Is it not fair to expect the same back from the man I have sworn to be with for the rest of my life?
[FONT="]All I want to do is love and be loved back, all that seems to happen is I love and as a result get shat on. Have I invested my soul in someone who does not truly love me? I think I have been afraid to ask myself that question for a long time.[/FONT]"
well there it is, Im pretty stoned but not feeling great at all
"Why would he want to be with someone who he considered to be critical and non accepting of his being? How could he have this opinion of someone on one hand and accept on the other hand that this person loves him? Why would he want to be with me if I were that individual? Because he loves me he would say? Why would he love someone like that?
Perhaps because the truth that I am in fact not like that vibrates within him, and that is why he loves me. Perhaps His soul understands and connects with me. My truth is that I am not that kind of person, I very rarely have malicious intent in anything I do. So if its not me then where is it coming from? Where is the broken link?
What is it that causes his defence mechanism to kick in? What is it that triggers this hatred for me? Maybe hatred is too strong a word, but it is definitely an absence of love. Is it really true love that he experiences for me? How can he call it true love when it can disappear the instant his ego is injured by his prejudiced and misconceived perception of me, by his thought and his reaction? His ego doesnt love me. Pehaps the ego is incapable of love. I dont know.
Is this an inbuilt flaw in the human? If he acknowledged that it was in fact his ego that was causing the problems would that make him more considerate or understanding, would it make him a nicer person? Or are these detrimental reactions inevitable and unavoidable when it comes to being in a long term relationship? Are all couples living today in modern society programmed to only experience an illusion of love from watching bullshit movies and paying attention to the media and acting accordingly while at the same time knowingly or unknowingly harbouring hatred for their other half and accepting this as being part of the experience?
Is true love not described like this?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Need to point out here that I am not religious nor do I place any authority in words from a book but that description feels right to me. This description regardless of its source is something I would aspire to personally. Is it not fair to expect the same back from the man I have sworn to be with for the rest of my life?
[FONT="]All I want to do is love and be loved back, all that seems to happen is I love and as a result get shat on. Have I invested my soul in someone who does not truly love me? I think I have been afraid to ask myself that question for a long time.[/FONT]"
well there it is, Im pretty stoned but not feeling great at all
