POEM/RAP pleaseread

ExistentialToker

ExistentialToker

Active Member
i posted this in inspired art but it doesnt seem like that many people are inspired over there and i really want some feedback, i just started writing and im really trying to get into it.

TIME SQUARE BOMB SCARE​



so I’m watching the news, hearing shit about some terrorist dude
a middle eastern in the city, NYC, coming out of Connecticut
driving that Nissan with the bombs in the back of it
his intentions are unknown to the public, says the media
who seems to be deceivin ya, I aint believin what I’m seein, na.​

conspiracy theories run through my mind as I try to decide
if what I’m seein is right, who is in on it and who is kept out tight
not knowing a single thing about the world and what’s going on at night
cause they don’t wanna tell you, let you know we all equal,
and you could be the beginning to this worlds next sequel, ​

politicians givin ghostwritten speeches and each one of em teaches
a subliminal mind control over the masses, keepin em from risin
above all these lies n making changes to all the classes
bringing up a new generation without so much tension ​

I’m sick of the lies, I’m sick of not being able to turn on the TV and trust what I see
gray haired men in suits with pins on em, to make ya think that they educated and full of wisdom
young ladies, dressed in v necks so low im seein their titties, and below them
cause who wants to hear a whole lotta nothin comin from some old bitties, not all the old men watchin msnbc to see all them pretty ladies, just givin the station they ratings =]​

we live in a world created to create, you live in a world created to create you
they put ideas on your plate before you even sit down at the table, I stay away cause I sense that bullshit isn’t stable
and for those of you who feed on what they give you, thanks for keepin the world how it is and givin it a reason to hate you.​

two bodies of land separated by water, two bodies of life separated by color
two bodies of mind separated by what, two bodies of shape separated by what (nothing)​

Stan Kenny Cartman and Kyle getting shit for Muhammad goin bear style
it was a fuckin joke if anything, and if you knew behind the show there was meaning
far different from yours I doubt you’d be plotting, a god damn thing,
we live in a modern world possibly different from yours, you can’t take that shit seriously,
do you even realize, kids in this country don’t even know who Muhammad be
but I totally understand your hate towards such an equally, ignorant society,
we aint no different and we aint no better so who the fuck is to say shit, not me! Bombs Away!​
 
steve1978

steve1978

Well-Known Member
not bad....although i prefer kipling.IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
 
ExistentialToker

ExistentialToker

Active Member
steve1978 said:
not bad....although i prefer kipling.IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Click to expand...

damn i felt like i was readin a bible verse to be honest with you, lol. but thats some complex shit, not hating i dug it. What are you reffering to when you say "kipling" is that this writing style?
 
steve1978

steve1978

Well-Known Member
no it was written by a guy called rudyard kipling. inspirational stuff! go to you tube and put in "if" it sounds better spoken
 
ExistentialToker

ExistentialToker

Active Member
a new one.....


million dollar rappers on TV
coming out with their outdated and too late release
I guess for a hint I could just speak recovery,
or do I need to say relapse
motha fucka got ya shit ass backwards
shoulda released the 2nd before the 1st and vice verca
cause im listenin to the recovery and i aint heard not a one original em verse and
it just seems like the dude on mtv we all used to sing along with and smoke a bong to
is becomin a played out lyrical cat, owned by labels and industry rats ​


what happened to your originality and your partner sayin check check check out my reality
i miss the day when i could turn on the tv and flow and relate with what the fuck i would see.
that all changed in this modern world of hate and greed, now everybody just chasin that money, so hungry
i dont know where art has went the poetry is in a splint and the music is computerized and on the internet
i still look up to yo ass cause im guessin its from you where i get most of my lyrical class,
i just wish you would go back to writin from the heart instead of diggin through yo closet
tryna find old raps and tryna remember "how did i write it", clean that shit out tell yo mom, throw her some valium, and get back on it
the game miss ya, the only white rapper to break through the impossible barrier, made it to mtv and made us all see
the game can be different, aint no definition and their aint nothin you can’t do, aint nothin you can’t spew
it aint about the color of your skin or the background of your kin, lil white kids at home lookin up to you, tube in the livin room, starin in
like hey shit, maybe one day i could write like him, express myself and let the world know i aint just about myself
write music for them and they problems cause im one to know we all got them and we all need somethin to solve em

after hearin this new cd, wakin up everymornin lately, watchin tv, mtv, fuse, and vh1 im the one wonderin
how did these so called artists even get their start it doesnt make any sense similiar to their lyrics,
2 paragraphs and 10 hooks, why dont you stupid mother fuckers go and read some fuckin books
write about something i give a fuck about, maybe somethin for the people, the ones you left out
cause anyone of us can come up with rhymes twice as strenuous if we have our minds with us
just gotta find your heart and write from within, don’t even fuckin rotate that erasable pen
keep on goin even if ya aint flowin cause obviously the ink is and that means your feelin somethin
your showin, you speakin mentally, you got somethin to say, somethin on your mind, hopefully its peace you will find

actors turned rappers overnight i aint buyin it, that shit aint sealed tight ​
Where’s the talent that shit aint right.
im askin questions sure as hell seems suspicious and one day i just might
weasle my way in and reveal the corruption, i represent the truth at all costs
and i aint talkin currency like your greedy asses be, 75 grand a song, your fuckin crazy
i write singles longer than your whole compilation be, and your still a 12 year old on mtv
makin it successfully, how the fuck can that be, its straight up ridiculous, tell me the truth, how much you payin ludacris?
haha, i aint even playin im callin you all out cause im sick of wakin up in this fuckin shitty house
hearin your voice on my tv every single morning like give me a damn break, switch it up gimme a different genre
play shit from back in the day cause this new shit is fuckin killin me and i dont know how much longer i can take ya

i remember back when i was just a little kid, watchin tv with my older sister
she was the hipster knew all hottest songs and had a million fuckin cd's
ended up stealin half of em stole her walkman too just so i could see
what this girl i looked up to was listenin to, but it wasnt that she had good taste
it was the music of the time, original and prime, put on my old school head phones and let the music of the time fill me with grace
dr dre 2001, ill never forget listenin to track number 9, a hilarious skit
me and my best frien back in 9th grade, we used to stay up listenin to it
laughin and shit, and when that track was over, we would find our favorite one and play it over and over again
last week i found that cd broken, disappointment, turns out same shit happened to the friend ship
music has carried me through this whole life, it’s like a soundtrack to a movie
except the props, and actors are all too real G, and this noise might be just enough to move me.

so im pleading before you buy your lyrics, make sure they original and have some potential
so im pleading before you write your lyrics, make sure they original and have some potential
the youth of the nation, ignorantly lookin up to the ones who are unknowingly corruptin em,
they dont need any more persuasion through television or a lyrical vision, unless its gon help em
its time for change, and like drake said hes the motha fuckin cashier, but i aint seen nothin new this year.​
​
Hahaha, fuck you bastards.​
 
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