Gary Goodson
Well-Known Member
This morning I arrived at my grand parents house because I received a text saying my grandpa only has days left... I'm heart broke, but I'm too much of either a gangsta or more likely a pussy to show it. So here I sit watching almost as if everything around me is happening in slow motion. My grand father is struggling to breathe. He is gargling and the hospice nurses keep suctioning the mucous out. But they say they can't take it all out or it will actually cause him pain and dry mouth.
I don't find it funny, but I do find it ironic, maybe even a little poetic that the nurses are black. See, my grand father has always been racist, I remember bringing one of my black friends over as a teen and he kicked both of us out on sight. But now here 2 beautiful black people are(one male and one female) taking care of him. Mrs Tonya and Cedric and my whole family loves them both. Even before my grand father was this bad he liked the hell outta Mrs Tonya. She was always good to him when he was in the hospital.
My grandma has been running around the house cleaning like anyone cares. But I guess that is her way of being here, but not being here at the same time. If that makes any sense. Two of my aunts are around his bed crying while my other aunt is already making arrangements for him. At one point my aunt says "Papa me oyes? Estoy aqui" (translation: Dad, do you hear me? I'm here.) He opened his eyes and looked at her, still gargling. I almost lost it, but my pussyness wouldn't allow me...Then my son is in the other room screaming his head off because he wants his tablet. His age coupled with his condition has him totally oblivious to whats really going on in the other room.
So that leaves me, sitting here totally emotionless, blank face, drinking my beer... and honestly, I don't think there is enough alcohol in the world right now. But there is one person that knows me more than anyone else in the world and I'm actually glad she isn't here right now because I know if Mrs G was here she would know my pain and that would turn me to total mush... All it would take would be for her to look at me with that understanding in her eyes and I might fall apart.
I don't find it funny, but I do find it ironic, maybe even a little poetic that the nurses are black. See, my grand father has always been racist, I remember bringing one of my black friends over as a teen and he kicked both of us out on sight. But now here 2 beautiful black people are(one male and one female) taking care of him. Mrs Tonya and Cedric and my whole family loves them both. Even before my grand father was this bad he liked the hell outta Mrs Tonya. She was always good to him when he was in the hospital.
My grandma has been running around the house cleaning like anyone cares. But I guess that is her way of being here, but not being here at the same time. If that makes any sense. Two of my aunts are around his bed crying while my other aunt is already making arrangements for him. At one point my aunt says "Papa me oyes? Estoy aqui" (translation: Dad, do you hear me? I'm here.) He opened his eyes and looked at her, still gargling. I almost lost it, but my pussyness wouldn't allow me...Then my son is in the other room screaming his head off because he wants his tablet. His age coupled with his condition has him totally oblivious to whats really going on in the other room.
So that leaves me, sitting here totally emotionless, blank face, drinking my beer... and honestly, I don't think there is enough alcohol in the world right now. But there is one person that knows me more than anyone else in the world and I'm actually glad she isn't here right now because I know if Mrs G was here she would know my pain and that would turn me to total mush... All it would take would be for her to look at me with that understanding in her eyes and I might fall apart.
