I believe I'm in need of serious help here guys

I am unsure wether or not I'm past the point of no return or not. Not a clue if anyone had glanced at my profile before.....but I am 20 yr. old male, and with that I want to go into a bit into my past. I want to be able to have fellow readers get an understanding just where I am coming from. In that very short period of time, I have been through hell and back numberous times....only to seem like I have reached that mountain top....but that's a mirage.... The disease of alcholism has (and to this day still is) effecting both sides of my family. Now it has a grip on me, abuse (all three.....you'll know what I mean.....hopefully) from childhood and such hasn't made living through 35 brain surgeries from my Hydrocephalus and Cerebral Palsy any easier. Between those two doorknobs (parents), and multiple visits to a shrink (from @ age 4), I never thought I'd be able to keep sane. At 7 yrs old I wanted to die, from all the pain of needles and anti-social behaviours I displayed....I was only ever manipulated to do what they wanted......

I since moved from Midland, Ontario to Vallejo, CA at the age of 19....and that was were I thought things might of changed. Now I find myself in a bit of a dilemma, on one hand I know if I go back to Midland, I'm not going to be in the greatest frame of mind......but if I stay here, I feel this place where I am residing will be the death of me

Morally I feel like I have those demons attempting to rule my life, I keep battling...but I feel like I am on the losing end.....

I looked up any drug or rehab facilities in Vallejo.....I just want these damn demons gone from my life.

Does anyone have any advice??? I realise this isn't usually the type of forum for this stuff, just need abit of guidance here.....

Thank you all for reading this feels like home,

Buddy

Well the 1st thing you should do is reach out to AA .. If you call them THEY WILL COME TO YOU ... Just dont jerk their chain .If you wanna stop drinking call the nearest AA chapter .. Two people will be there at your side shortly ,, The #'s are in the phonebook, newspapers , Call you can thank me in 90 days ... Good luck to you

Budda said the door to the universe: meaning wisdom and most of all- PEACE, is found only in you yourself. Try meditation. Google videos of Alan Watts explaining his techniques.

I hope it helps. I wish i had better advice to give you. But I do not believe peace or answers are handed freely from another lonely, lost soul. Questions can only be answered to satisfaction by the one who asked it.

Start here: Quite = Peace

p.s.: you are not alone.

Well if contacting the AA is step one then writing here is the first 1/2 step. Ive heard some bad shit bout them but i dont know anything better either.

valuablevariable said:

Well if contacting the AA is step one then writing here is the first 1/2 step. Ive heard some bad shit bout them but i dont know anything better either.

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AA is a good step in the right direction . It will help get and keep you sober .. you need to have a DESIRE to stop drinking ,,,, Im no 12 step holy roller, Ive had my own issues with drinking .. I just dont do it ..

Well, weed generally slows drinking. As a club musician, I drank A LOT for 30 years. Never saw it as a problem, just part of most musicians' pay. Then I retired, grew a few plants, and completely quit the alcohol on the first attempt with zero discomfort.
Maybe I got lucky, but it's the truth. Don't miss the beer and tequila. The only problem I have with AA is that you pretty much have to believe in God for it to work.
Sounds to me like you might need real help, not just AA.

hang in there Buddy, at least you realize what you want and what you don't. sound cliche' but really just take it one day at a time. Daydrops is right about meditating, I have been doing it for a little while now, I can't go without now. Good Luck Buddy!

I can only say that if you try the meditation and the AA, it might help, and it's worth the try... Good luck Buddy, I'll keep you in my thoughts!

pray to god and ask for forgiveness and ask him to guide you and to give you the strength to get through this. good luck man, i'll definintly be praying for you man.
i also recommend meditation, or smoking weed.

or both....

i am an alchoholic......i havent had a drink in almost 10 yrs now....i still go to AA mtgs every now and then to keep what ive gotten from them...i just dont like to go alot because i smoke pot and i feel like an ass around all those people that are trying to get sober, but thats my shit, anyways......if you are struggling with alchohol and depression i would suggest going to check out AA....after going through the 12 steps a couple of times i realized AA isnt about not drinking its about how to live a sane and healthy life free from the insanity, resent, anger and guilt that some of us live with and battle from our day to day life...the first thing you are doing right is talking about it...you dont know how healthy that is brother...most of us just curl up in a depressed ball, lock the doors and get fucked up.......it takes alot to ask for help..and from my experience its false pride and ego that is the biggest road block for malajusted people..we dont want to ask for help..we want to do it our way all day even though our way is what got us to the place we are now....if you want to talk more indepth or if you have any questions you can pm me...im in the ca. bay are so i might be able to help you find some local recources....just remember brother...things are never as bad as we make them out to be...all we need to do is stop relax and look from the outside in not the inside out..........

Go to AA and find people who are actually clean and actually want to help others stay clean. Many people just end up meeting other people who are currently drinking and just party harder. Get help in any way you can. I lost my closest friend to drug and alcohol addiction this year and it is a very serious problem. If you feel your current situation will kill you then get out and find a cleaner environment.