Help!

I am in need of some advice from my friends on RIU, my youngest son of whom many of you have heard me talk about as got himself mixed up in something I can't really discuss on here, but my husband does not agree with this situation and told me tonight he is going to ask my son to leave. Needless to say I do not agree with him and a few choice words were spoken, My husband told me If I wanted to go with my son he would sell our home give me my share and I could go with my son. My son is everything to me and I cannot bare the thought of my husband telling him to go, I am not happy with what is going on with my son but I think to ask him to leave is taking it to far and will only put him in harms way even more. So what do I do I feel so afraid for my son, and sick to my stomach the thought of him being rejected by his own flesh and blood. My husband is very stubborn and the more I protest about his decision the more he's determined to tell my son to go, I feel like running away from it all, suggestions please.

perhaps some time away for now will be a good idea.
sounds like your son did something really fucking bad. if your husband feels that strongly about it. its not ideal perhaps your son needs to learn how to live on his own.
get a job, get his own place and show his dad he can be a responsible adult.

it hurts , and im sure you dont want to let him go but hes an adult granny. and he needs to start acting like one.

thats just my opinion as blunt as it is. A mothers love is amazing, sometimes you need to give a little push out the right door ya know?

Hi granny, wish I had the life experience to help.

The only insight I have is maybe as a son but I dunno granny, good luck and love. x

sunni said:

perhaps some time away for now will be a good idea.
sounds like your son did something really fucking bad. if your husband feels that strongly about it. its not ideal perhaps your son needs to learn how to live on his own.
get a job, get his own place and show his dad he can be a responsible adult.

it hurts , and im sure you dont want to let him go but hes an adult granny. and he needs to start acting like one.

thats just my opinion as blunt as it is. A mothers love is amazing, sometimes you need to give a little push out the right door ya know?

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I know what your saying Sunni, but he really hasn't done anything that's really bad! My husband new what was going on as did I but he say's the worry of it all is getting him down, but if my son leaves this situation will still continue but we won't be their to look out for him.

that's terrible, Granny. Is this something he might relent on given a couple of days when he cools off? Is there anyone on your husband's side of the family that would help you talk with him? Priest or doctor?

BarnBuster said:

that's terrible, Granny. Is this something he might relent on given a couple of days when he cools off? Is there anyone on your husband's side of the family that would help you talk with him? Priest or doctor?

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Nope no one, and he's adamant that my son must leave, the thing is if he does their is a real possibility that I will go with him.

Perhaps your hubby is the one who needs the time away. Mb he's using the situation to further his own agenda. Don't give in. If he wants a separation from his son and you then make him leave. It's your home, it's your family and if he has some hidden need to split apart from it then give him the opportunity. It's probably only temporary anyway.

Granny weed said:

I know what your saying Sunni, but he really hasn't done anything that's really bad! My husband new what was going on as did I but he say's the worry of it all is getting him down, but if my son leaves this situation will still continue but we won't be their to look out for him.

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you dont need to look out for him hes an adult granny.
you are too attached and thats not a bad thing but the kid is not a kid, he will forever be your baby boy, but let the guy grow up and do life , just let go a little.
kid needs to get a reality check and become an adult.

i am positive my responses are not what you wanna hear sorry you can disgard my advice as i am not a parent.

i am by no means saying your husbands bs is correct it isnt, but in terms solely of your son i think you need to let the guy become an adult and straighten his highschool antics up

but than again i dont know the situation only assuming its close to "the worst"

dannyboy602 said:

Perhaps your hubby is the one who needs the time away. Mb he's using the situation to further his own agenda. Don't give in. If he wants a separation from his son and you then make him leave. It's your home, it's your family and if he has some hidden need to split apart from it then give him the opportunity. It's probably only temporary anyway.

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It sounds so easy when you say that, I don't want my family to be torn apart and your right this is my home but trust me what he say's go's I have and always have had very little say in the matter.

Love your son, but make sure you're not enabling him by validating his bad decisions.

sunni said:

perhaps some time away for now will be a good idea.
sounds like your son did something really fucking bad. if your husband feels that strongly about it. its not ideal perhaps your son needs to learn how to live on his own.
get a job, get his own place and show his dad he can be a responsible adult.

it hurts , and im sure you dont want to let him go but hes an adult granny. and he needs to start acting like one.

thats just my opinion as blunt as it is. A mothers love is amazing, sometimes you need to give a little push out the right door ya know?

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exactly what I would have said^^

Granny weed said:

It sounds so easy when you say that, I don't want my family to be torn apart and your right this is my home but trust me what he say's go's I have and always have had very little say in the matter.

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your family isn't being torn apart grans..It's time for the bird to fly.

if he is mixed up in bad stuff that badly you will feel worse if he brings it to your doorstep. I think I have an idea of what you are talking about by some of your old posts about your boy.

there is nothing wrong with giving the kid a push hun.

I'm guessing your husband is right on about this.

Metasynth said:

Love your son, but make sure you're not enabling him by validating his bad decisions.

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yes^^

like

sunni said:

you dont need to look out for him hes an adult granny.
you are too attached and thats not a bad thing but the kid is not a kid, he will forever be your baby boy, but let the guy grow up and do life , just let go a little.
kid needs to get a reality check and become an adult.

i am positive my responses are not what you wanna hear sorry you can disgard my advice as i am not a parent.

i am by no means saying your husbands bs is correct it isnt, but in terms solely of your son i think you need to let the guy become an adult and straighten his highschool antics up

but than again i dont know the situation only assuming its close to "the worst"

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I'm sorry I cannot tell you more about the situation Sunni, but my husband is being a hypocrite. I know I have to let go sometime but I believe that time is when they leave home on their own accord that I can deal with, telling my son to leave is different.

Granny weed said:

I'm sorry I cannot tell you more about the situation Sunni, but my husband is being a hypocrite. I know I have to let go sometime but I believe that time is when they leave home on their own accord that I can deal with, telling my son to leave is different.

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dont enable his bad choices. people often striaghten up when they dont have the world handed to them on silver platter.

sunni said:

dont enable his bad choices. people often striaghten up when they dont have the world handed to them on silver platter.

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Deja Vu...

joe macclennan said:

exactly what I would have said^^

your family isn't being torn apart grans..It's time for the bird to fly.

if he is mixed up in bad stuff that badly you will feel worse if he brings it to your doorstep. I think I have an idea of what you are talking about by some of your old posts about your boy.

there is nothing wrong with giving the kid a push hun.

I'm guessing your husband is right on about this.

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I know Joe but this is his home, and my husband is worried he will bring trouble to the door but at least we can see whats happening if he's some where else any thing could happen and we wouldn't know about it, at least here we can try and keep him safe.

Granny weed said:

I know Joe but this is his home, and my husband is worried he will bring trouble to the door but at least we can see whats happening if he's some where else any thing could happen and we wouldn't know about it, at least here we can try and keep him safe.

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he will be int he same city in a rental apartment not in guantomo bay .....you act like him leaving home he is gone forever .
i literally live 5 mins away from my mom.....

Granny weed said:

I know Joe but this is his home, and my husband is worried he will bring trouble to the door but at least we can see whats happening if he's some where else any thing could happen and we wouldn't know about it, at least here we can try and keep him safe.

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your husband is right grans

and speaking as a guy who was once a kid that fucked up a lot......you CAN'T keep him safe

like several said...you are enabling him.

I know it hurts.

sunni said:

he will be int he same city in a rental apartment not in guantomo bay .....you act like him leaving home he is gone forever .
i literally live 5 mins away from my mom.....

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Its not the leaving home I have a problem with its being told to leave his home when their may be other solutions to resolve whats happening.

How old is your son, anyway?