Getting off dope

stick to it Hank you can do it. were rooting for ya!!!!!!!

8 days is awesome hank.. the harshest part is behind you now ime..
What helped me was remembering how shit the last 8 days have been and if I picked up now it was all for nought. Granted I picked up plenty of times after a few days clean lol.. still trying to keep the w/d process fresh in my mind helped a bit ..
And nice skunxx.. may 13th is my clean date.. may 13th of 01.. time flies once you get a bit of clean x under your belt hank and the compulsions with wanting to get high greatly wan over time as well.. the more time and distance you can manage to put between you and the drug the better.
I was never a believer in running from addiction though as no matter where I ran ultimately there I was.. along with my problems... but hey if you think it'll help I'm not knocking anything that will help a person get clean..

Good job, the worst is behind you bro!

Great job hank! I'm glad you're feeling better. It keeps getting better, too! Keep it up

As you know there will be hard times and temptation. Try to prepare yourself for those times, and what you'll do to deal with it.

16 days. I'm still fucking tired all the time. Damn. It's just tough to get up and get shit done. Still aching. But really, I feel much better than I did just before kicking.
I am smoking 10x the herb I was before, but, that ain't so bad. It's not helping with the exhaustion I'm sure.

I have this friend that wants to go clean too...
So, when trying to help him I caused him lots of trouble. He had subs and wanted a little xanax to help with sleeping. So, I went and got him some xanax.
He ended up eating way too many, got kicked out of his temp place, his gf left him, got robbed and went to jail. I picked him up the next day and he was in pretty rough shape. I feel partially responsible, but I was only trying to help. His side of the story was all him being the victim, but I'm sure there was more to it. People do some crazy fucked up shit when on too many benzos.

So, I felt really bad and decided i wanted to try and help him again. We took a trip to CVS and got him a mess of OTC meds and some more subs to help with kicking... then went and got him a greyhound ticket. He was ready to just get out of this city. Before the idea of leaving town came up he was talking about suicide. I didn't know what to say. But, I convinced him on a change of scenery instead. When I parted with him today he was talking on the phone to old friends in his new destination and was smiling and laughing, so, I think he might be alright. The problem is, the city he is going to is a NW city that H is much more available than here. But, it's not my life. I can't kick for him. I've been trying to help though. I hope this isn't another "help" that turns out bad for him.

I don;t know what the hell I was thinking giving him a supply of benzos like that. I should have thought about that going wrong. I was really just trying to help.
My cousin had just a couple benzos around when I was going through the first week and it was a life saver. I never would have slept night 3 and 4. Just .5 mg was enough to really bring the anxiety level down to where I could catch a little sleep.

It's not your fault dude. Good for you for going 16 days, the fatigue and aching should be getting better soon.

heres my thoughts on this : get yourself better first before you get mixed up and try with someone else, you may relapse with him again. you will never know how someone can effect you and weight you down. if he needs help he needs to do it on his own or with professional help not with someone 16 days clean

Thanks dude. I shouldn't have played dr.. but, maybe that fucked up experience will turn into good for him. His gf was totally using him for dope. I don't know how he never saw that. Really, it's probably the real reason she left him (trying to kick).

sunni said:

heres my thoughts on this : get yourself better first before you get mixed up and try with someone else, you may relapse with him again. you will never know how someone can effect you and weight you down. if he needs help he needs to do it on his own or with professional help not with someone 16 days clean

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You're totally right. It's a huge relief to see him leaving town. I love the guy, but I don't need that right now.

HeartlandHank said:

You're totally right. It's a huge relief to see him leaving town. I love the guy, but I don't need that right now.

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no you dont but you can do it man! i swear when i got off that shit it was the best for me, and i watched someone die from it, dont play doctor until youre strong enough , if theres a will theres a way if he wants to truly get clean he will!

Word, it's just a good buddy.. kinda hard to watch. Hopefully things go well for him in the NW.

HeartlandHank said:

Word, it's just a good buddy.. kinda hard to watch. Hopefully things go well for him in the NW.

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i watched my ex die , he committed suicide 6 months ago, recently ive been having dreams of him telling me to play guitar i picked it back up today

It always is man.

sunni said:

i watched my ex die , he committed suicide 6 months ago, recently ive been having dreams of him telling me to play guitar i picked it back up today

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Damn, I'm sorry to hear that Sunni.

HeartlandHank said:

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that Sunni.

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i had what they call survivors guilt i guess he was very sick, very paranoid probably herd voices kinda thing, i always felt bad cause we tried aa, and help, therapy, he always said he was going to kill himself, so we broke up for other reasons cause he was very scary when he was drunk , or high off oxies and we would get into fights, and stuff, anyways he committed suicide and i always wondered if i did enough for him, i cried forever after he died cause i got clean and he didnt, in the end i know he loved me and iloved him dearly, my mom used to call us sid n nancy we were that fucked up together all the time kinda deal.

sorry for the sad story

Never have tried it myself but I have seen it take the lives of several people ive known prematurely and before the age of 25. I don't know what it is like trying to get off of something like that but im sure it is hell physically and mentally. I wish you all trying to kick it nothing but the best. Stay strong.

Sunni one of my best friends had very similar circumstances happen to her. My thoughts are with you.

sunni said:

i had what they call survivors guilt i guess he was very sick, very paranoid probably herd voices kinda thing, i always felt bad cause we tried aa, and help, therapy, he always said he was going to kill himself, so we broke up for other reasons cause he was very scary when he was drunk , or high off oxies and we would get into fights, and stuff, anyways he committed suicide and i always wondered if i did enough for him, i cried forever after he died cause i got clean and he didnt, in the end i know he loved me and iloved him dearly, my mom used to call us sid n nancy we were that fucked up together all the time kinda deal.

sorry for the sad story

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Ah man. This is why I need to stop whining/feeling sorry for myself. Fucked up shit is happening to people all over. I'm sorry you went through that.
You've always been good shit Sunni. I'm happy for you getting yourself up out of it.

Don't think off how he died... But think how he lived

My heart goes out to your hank. And you too sunni. I've lost so many people I loved in the timespan of about 2-3 years I was actually beginning to believe that I had some kind of "curse" that the act of me loving someone or caring about them a great deal was like some sort of death sentence. I know what you mean about survivors guilt. Ten years ago, almost to the day as a matter of fact, my best friend saved my life. 11 months later he was dead. I still feel like it should have been me. A year later, the girl who called that morning to tell me he died, a girl I knew since the 1st day of kindergarten and the 1st girl I kissed, committed suicide. All of this was either directly or indirectly drug related. I've been a non-theist since I was in my late teens. I admit, this who scenario was so bizzare and seemed to crazy to be just coincidence, it shook my beliefs, or should I say non-beliefs, to the core.