funny story I read

it came from this book I got recently that has a collection of all the best articles and stories from Vice magazine. the setting is that they're in Amsterdam looking for the most stoned people they could find.

Here it goes:

The winners by far, however, were these two brothers we met named Dan and Phil Langford. They were Middle-American boys who we met with their pants down. They were screaming with their hands in the air, and then they collapsed like they were shot.

VICE: What happened here?
Dan: I just got some really good news.
Phil: We've been smoking since early this morning and my head feels like cheese. Like floaty cheese. (hysterical laughing)

What was with the nude victory thing?
Dan: Oh, yeah. We were totally high out of our minds. It got to be a bit too much. I almost bad-tripped.
Phil: I couldn't feel my body. It was a huge body buzz.
Dan: Yeah, your nerves feel weird. My hair felt like cobwebs. Anyway, we were in a taxi and I felt shit trickling down my ass. I didn't even fart but I guess I lost bowel control.

How did you deal with that?
Dan (laughing his head off): I told Phil and he agreed.
Phil: What?
Dan: You shit your pants too.
Phil: Oh yeah (laughing), I was like, "I think I shit my pants too." Because I felt it. I felt it spreading all over my ass. Then I was like, "What are we going to do?"
Dan: Yeah, the more we talked about it the worse it got. We could smell it, too. I had to try to tell the driver that we had to go to a park because of an emergency, but I was laughing too hard. He must have thought we were totally fucked
Phil: He must have totally known we were stoned.

So you ended up in the park.
Dan: Phil just stood there because he didn't want it to go anywhere. I ran behind this bush (points to a large shrub behind us) and I yanked down my pants. I was almost looking forward to seeing how bad it was. But when I looked down there was no shit at all. Not even a skid mark. I was filled with so much joy (laughing) I put up my arms and cheered. I go, "I didn't shit my pants!"
Phil (laughing): Then I checked my pants and I hadn't shit either and I go, "Me neither!" Then I think we realized how we were being like The Sound of Music about not shitting our pants. That's when the laughs really hit me.
Dan: I collapsed face first with my pants down and I laughed so fucking hard. Holy shit. (shakes head back and forth)
Phil: That's when you guys showed up with your tape recorder. We must have looked so fucking funny.

At this point both of the Langfords fell into each other laughing like girls and we had to go.

I wanna be that fucking blazed!

lol yeah man. There were two others that said were eligible and they go:

There were a lot of eligible contestants. We met a Michael Cox from Calgary whose peripheral vision had become smaller and smaller until all he could see was a pinhole in front of him and then he passed out. Then there was a California girl named Jill who was so high she hallucinated a man frantically trying to deal with gale-force winds and an inside-out umbrella. She almost pissed herself and was gasping for air holding her stomach, but the guy was just standing at the bus stop holding his umbrella. It wasn't even windy outside.