Doer the ROCKODILE HUNTER - Mass Murder by Rocks, you Vast Idiots

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

Good evening folks. Tonight we have breaking news. Law enforcement officials released a statement claiming that this man, Doer the Rockodile Hunter is on the loose:

Beefbisquit said:
SUSPECTS PHOTO:

Beefbisquit said:

He is to be considered armed and DEADLY. He has recently taken to the internet and posted the following on popular forums:

Doer said:
If I bean you with a rock, I can finish you. I shoot you, most guys will run off, unless I ticked the right little spot. We see that very often on those CCTV foots.

That's right folks, with a rock he is deadlier than most criminals wielding a 9mm handgun.

Doer said:
My first shot with a rock is just as likely to kill as a bullet.

Doer said:
If you think I can't face plant a 1/4 pound rock from handgun distance, you are simply wrong about that. I have hunted with rocks.

Doer said:
When you hit a squirrel with rock...that was my childhood. My facebook page say, I travel the world and throw rocks.

That's right folks; face plant, squirrels, facebook, rocks... You simply can't argue with the following facts:

Doer said:
We would have to work up some stats in foot-pounds. We need to look at how well a depressed, brain exposed skull fracture is survivable compared to say a 9mm to the Brain. Didn't someone just survive that? A Congress woman? And he walked up close. If you get your face crushed, that is immediate termination, you realize that, right?

He elaborates:

Doer said:
So, a 9mm slug is about 7.5 grams and leaves at about 1150 feet/sec and if within 10 feet will deliver 340 foot pounds. An 88 mile an hour baseball (weight=5.25oz.)

Doer said:
pitch is 129 ft/sec. That baseball speed is the across the plate measure, all the way from the mound. So, let me have a 2 pound rock at 10 feet at 100 feet/sec. That delivers 310 foot pounds and will not cut thru and thu like a bullet and embed itself elsewhere. It will dump all that into the brain, like a giant dum-dum.

Note: We ask that you refrain from referencing simple physics here and believe that a human can throw an object 6 times the weight of a baseball at the speed of a major league fastball.

Doer said:
No one can stand a 2 pound rock in their face, I don't think.

Doer said:
A rock at 100ft per second at 2 pounds will not bounce off your head. It smashes your skull.

Can't argue with those statements..

Doer the Rockodile Hunter boasts horrifying credentials:

Doer said:
My brother and I played all kinds of rock throwing games. Mostly at each other. We took turns crawling up a tree while the the other one fired on us with big rocks. Big. Gotta be that squirrel hunting, right? The idea was to climb up and down and around the tree, and not get hit. And since it was a bit downhill throw, because we could only get up to 45 feet or so, in the Aspen tree, there was a good 2.5 seconds before impact. And waving the tree back and forth was part of it.

Doer said:
We almost killed each other, several times. A fall from the tree would be bad. The thing is, in a 50 ft throw with a 3 pound rock, both of us could nail that tree dead on and take a head size piece of bark off, most of the time.

Gasp! The credentials go on:

Doer said:
Not lucky shots. We could throw it by at the knees, and make us jump, we could lean out on the tree and taunt. But, for both of us, zoning in on the bullseye was doable. And the tree guy had to move.

Doer said:
Don't tell my Dad, OK?

We wouldn't dream of it. The last thing we would want is a Rockodile Hunter after us.

Doer said:
I was raised with rocks in Texas. And my brother and I taught each other how not to blink.

That's right folks, TEXAN ROCKS!

Doer the Rockodile Hunter is seen in this video shared by forum member BeefBisquit:

Beefbisquit said:
[video=youtube;WjXZvcgHIXY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjXZvcgHIXY[/video]

The taunts and threats on forums continued late into the afternoon:

Doer said:
If you want to stand there and let me wind a 3 pounder between your eyes, I guarantee you it won't matter how fast it was going. It will be going plenty fast enough.

Note: Law enforcement officials advise that you don't stand there and let him wind a 3 pounder between your eyes.

Doer said:
Just imagine you are looking at this.

Doer said:

Here is an image provided by Doer of a rock victim:

Doer said:
Smashed and robbed

Doer said:

Here Doer the Rockodile Hunter slips and gives possible defenses against rock attacks:

Doer said:
Smashed and crushed are not synonyms in this context. So, obviously you need a vitamin B shot or something.

His taunts and threats did not stop there:

Doer said:
Tell me I could not come up and kill you with that blow...or debilitate you. Here is how. I would smash you with a palm plant of the rock, and let you live. But, if I unleashed at close range,

Doer said:
a full hip swing power throw with a big rock on your face, you would die almost immediately.

There you have it folks. We strongly advise you steer clear of DOER, THE ROCKODILE HUNTER! If you should encounter this man, we urge you to seek shelter and contact authorities with his whereabouts immediately!

Reference to original thread that motivated me to create this: https://www.rollitup.org/politics/805890-mass-murder-blade-you-vast.html Starting at post 178

twostrokenut · Mar 5, 2014

One star.
If you have a crush on Doer you should be open and honest about it, lest you are lying to yourself.

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

I do, I want him bad. Serious crush. A rock couldn't crush on him as hard as I can.

twostrokenut · Mar 5, 2014

Oh no need to explain, your boner speaks volumes.

racerboy71 · Mar 5, 2014

in before lock and or delete..

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

Why delete? Seriously, true quotes here..

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

twostrokenut said:
Oh no need to explain, your boner speaks volumes.

?? Wasn't explaining, I was agreeing. I got a ROCK hard stiffy for the guy..

Beefbisquit · Mar 5, 2014

Some of those quotes are PRICELESS.

heckler73 · Mar 5, 2014

SPORKS!

That is all.

twostrokenut · Mar 5, 2014

thecannacove said:
?? Wasn't explaining, I was agreeing. I got a ROCK hard stiffy for the guy..

ex·pla·na·tion
ˌekspləˈnāSHən/
noun
noun: explanation; plural noun: explanations

1.
a statement or account that makes something clear.
"the birth rate is central to any explanation of population trends"

synonyms:

clarification, simplification; Moredescription, report, statement;
elucidation, exposition, expounding, explication;
gloss, interpretation, commentary, exegesis
"an explanation of the ideas contained in the essay"

a reason or justification given for an action or belief.
"Freud tried to make sex the explanation for everything"

synonyms: account, reason; Morejustification, excuse, alibi, defense, vindication, story, answers
"I owe you an explanation"

I know right?
Explanation + Elaboration = Satisfaction

TWS · Mar 5, 2014

Simply explains Doer and his grows.

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

Thank you for explaining..

twostrokenut said:
ex·pla·na·tion
ˌekspləˈnāSHən/
noun
noun: explanation; plural noun: explanations

1.
a statement or account that makes something clear.
"the birth rate is central to any explanation of population trends"

synonyms: clarification, simplification; Moredescription, report, statement;
elucidation, exposition, expounding, explication;
gloss, interpretation, commentary, exegesis
"an explanation of the ideas contained in the essay"

a reason or justification given for an action or belief.
"Freud tried to make sex the explanation for everything"

synonyms: account, reason; Morejustification, excuse, alibi, defense, vindication, story, answers
"I owe you an explanation"

I know right?
Explanation + Elaboration = Satisfaction

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

TWS said:
Simply explains Doer and his grows.

TWS - I can't speak for his grows, only his epic rock throwing skillz

twostrokenut · Mar 5, 2014

thecannacove said:
Thank you for explaining..

You are very welcome, and thank you for your service.

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

twostrokenut said:
You are very welcome, and thank you for your service.

You're welcome, it was an honor to serve my country.

UncleBuck · Mar 5, 2014

twostroke, apply some vagisil and stop ruining this thread. it rocks.

i'm sure doer feels the same.

Ace Yonder · Mar 5, 2014

I think doer makes a very cogent point. We can outlaw guns entirely now that we know they have been rendered obsolete by rocks. Think how much money we can all save! Think how much the military can save!! I mean, shit, we've been handicapping them with the disadvantage of inferior weapons, when they could have been throwing stones all this time and REALLY kicking some ass! Now that you mention it, my brother in law, an Army Medic who served two tours in Iraq, always talked about how the most severe injuries he treated were from rocks!!! Not bullets, no, he always said "Bullets don't hurt anyone... it's ROCKS that you need to be careful of!!!" I can't believe I didn't remember that until now!

thecannacove · Mar 5, 2014

Ace Yonder said:
I think doer makes a very cogent point. We can outlaw guns entirely now that we know they have been rendered obsolete by rocks. Think how much money we can all save! Think how much the military can save!! I mean, shit, we've been handicapping them with the disadvantage of inferior weapons, when they could have been throwing stones all this time and REALLY kicking some ass! Now that you mention it, my brother in law, an Army Medic who served two tours in Iraq, always talked about how the most severe injuries he treated were from rocks!!! Not bullets, no, he always said "Bullets don't hurt anyone... it's ROCKS that you need to be careful of!!!" I can't believe I didn't remember that until now!

So true, as he said, look at the stats... bullet wounds don't do shit son!

Doer said:
If I bean you with a rock, I can finish you. I shoot you, most guys will run off, unless I ticked the right little spot. We see that very often on those CCTV foots.

My first shot with a rock is just as likely to kill as a bullet. You want to act like everyone touched by a bullet is killed. They aren't. Look at the stats.

Beefbisquit · Mar 5, 2014

UncleBuck said:
twostroke, apply some vagisil and stop ruining this thread. it rocks.

i'm sure doer feels the same.

The Rockodile Hunter feels nothing... but rocks.

Deadly rocks.

twostrokenut · Mar 5, 2014

UncleBuck said:
twostroke, apply some vagisil and stop ruining this thread. it rocks.

i'm sure doer feels the same.

Your chode for me is no match for the thecannacove's ROCK hard stiffy for Doer, sorry fella.

Doer the ROCKODILE HUNTER - Mass Murder by Rocks, you Vast Idiots

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