Aahahaha hahahah

[video=youtube;if-UzXIQ5vw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if-UzXIQ5vw&ob=av3e[/video]
Alright ignore the corny song that really has nothing to do with what is going on through my head.

I do not denounce my faith since I'm a little wuss and am kinda scared to do so lol.. but I guess I can't lie to myself.. what really bothers me is how scary it is to be an atheist. We laugh, love, cry, suffer, hate, fight, play, and work but for what? I have turned more pessimistic than ever before.. seriously, I can't really love anybody since I can't stop thinking how pointless it is to love. Maybe I'm just being selfish and I should appreciate life in itself.. but if you think about it, it doesn't matter if I'm alive or dead.. it doesn't matter if the love of my life is alive or dead, the planet will keep on spinning until it is destroyed.. then that's that. Nothing else, life seriously means nothing and it kinda kills me. I'm not sure if other people feel this way but I hope you guys ubderstand my vent..

I just feel like laughing and crying at the world at the same time.. I mean life just kinda sucks now . It's no longer as fun as it used to be.. the whole concept of life and death is so fucked up that I find it hilarious.. but a seriously sad funny.

Hey, Hep! Good to see you around. What's going on with you these days? Sounds like a rough patch. I think some atheists here can relate to your reluctance to let go of your religion, it can be like killing part of yourself and your identity. But, I'm telling you, the freedom that comes from finally accepting that no one is control of your life but you is priceless. You should head over to Zaehet's thread on nihilism, some cool minds share their perspective on how they live with purpose in the face of an indifferent universe...

I've been checking out his threads and most of the posts there mean alot to me. I made this thread before I read his thread.. now I kinda regret this thread lol.

And I agree, it's like a huge burden has been lifted but I kinda want that feeling back if that makes sense. Honestly, I wanna be ignorant to the truth again.. I kinda wish I never questioned my religion. But hopefuly my feelings will pass and I will come to appreciate my newly found freedom.

Hepheastus420 said:

I've been checking out his threads and most of the posts there mean alot to me. I made this thread before I read his thread.. now I kinda regret this thread lol.

And I agree, it's like a huge burden has been lifted but I kinda want that feeling back if that makes sense. Honestly, I wanna be ignorant to the truth again.. I kinda wish I never questioned my religion. But hopefuly my feelings will pass and I will come to appreciate my newly found freedom.

Click to expand...

You will, Hep, big time. I always thought you were too honest to not to discover the truth about reality, you have balls. +rep...

I have sad balls lol.. thanks for the rep bud. It's funny cuz sativahigh always called me an atheist.. I gotta tell him the crazy news.

Hepheastus420 said:

I have sad balls lol.. thanks for the rep bud. It's funny cuz sativahigh always called me an atheist.. I gotta tell him the crazy news.

Click to expand...

I say fuck labels. Atheist is an accusation, not a position on anything. The thing is, even many people that self-identify as religious do not believe in an intervening deity yet go through the motions and never actually examine their beliefs to see if they are reasonable. I am possibly worse off for abandoning religion in some ways. The social support of local communities are usually centered around churches and such and being Jewish, there is the whole cultural identity issue too since it is basically an ethnicity as well as a religion.

Its cool to see you around Hep.I can relate to not believing in God anymore then going through a sort of withdrawal,maybe not the right word for it though.Point is,in time you will start to see the upside to atheism or simply having an honest discourse with yourself about everything you experience throughout life,it isnt all a bed of roses though, nothing ever is.I hope positivity can be an outcome for you in your endeavers.

Hepheastus420 said:

I have sad balls lol.. thanks for the rep bud. It's funny cuz sativahigh always called me an atheist.. I gotta tell him the crazy news.

Click to expand...

I promise man, the sadness will end in time. The realization of absurdity hits hard, and is so very painful. It takes time, courage, and endurence to come face to face with it, and the only thing that can heal it is time and yourself. Carl Sagan really hits home for me when i the realization first hit me. I remember isolating myself in my apartment and just crying and crying, (and im one of those guys that just doesnt cry ya know) trying to figure out who i am, what i am, why i am.

Everyone who realizes the absurdity must make a choice, to continue to live or to commit suicide. Its said that this is the only real philosophical question in existence.

Personally, after i got over it (and trust me bro, you will in time) you start to find things in life to occupy your time that makes you happy. You find out that living in the moment is all there really is, and that the purpose of life is to just BE fuckin HAPPY... and if you so choose, to help others do the same exact thing, to BE HAPPY. To just feel good about who you are, taking responsibility for the things you do. Fill your time with things you love to do and with people who make you feel good.

You now have the ability to give your own life meaning and purpose, in a meaningless and purposeless existence. I choose to base the meaning and purpose of my existence solely on honesty with myself, and with everyone else. I found that since i have done this, i seem to attract good people all the time. I try to be a good example for others, make sure others see when i go out of my way to do something for someone else expecting nothing but a smile in return. I do these things because it makes me feel good, really good, to just help people ya know?

In time absurdity is something you know is always there, it will never go away... but that doesnt mean you have to think about it all the time. I kinda feel the same way towards fear, its always there, but you don't have to think about it.

I might not know you, but for someone to come out like this, i know that you have so much strength, courage and wisdom. So much more than others are willing to commit to themselves. You must have a great heart, filled with compassion and empathy, filled with a yearning for the truth... yet with the understanding that the truth will never be attained. The closer you get to it, the further it moves away, the more you learn, the more avenues of knowledge open up to you.

Your life is yours to create, personally... i like to keep my glass half full, because it feels soooooo much better than when i kept it half empty ya know what i mean?

Your an awesome dude, and i admire you more than anyone i have unofficially met. Kutos to you my friend, if you need someone to talk to, im always here on riu, its like another home lol, another thing that fills me with a sense of happiness. Good luck dude, if i can make it through this, you can too bro.

...hey Hep. Tests happen often. Once you see that, your balls will fill with joy

*I think Hep Tests happen often too - speaking of troubled genitalia

Wouldn't being scared to denounce your religion make you not an atheist but just unsure of there religion. I'm unsure of my belief system but I'm not going to add a label to it. When I feel I'm correct in my beliefs I will maybe put some word on it to help explain it to others or something. I think that adding labels such as atheist, agnostic, catholic, or whatever is just setting yourself up to be wrong. Why not start a church of who knows? or what the fuck is going on? Or just call it the church of whats been proven and everyone can try to disprove them selves until its all right. To me atheism is kind of a cop out, out of all of the billions of options out there to just say there is not a god is not that likely. By god I mean power source or creator. Maybe atheism is right, I don't know and neither does anyone else that is alive to tell us about it. Personally I do believe in god (Not the same one telling all the war happy leaders or child molesting priests what to do), I just don't have the ability to prove it so I won't go pushing my views on others except to point out the don't know either. Be proud to admit you don't know shit about it and realize no one else does either. I respect any peaceful way of thinking about religion of the lack of.

Hey, hep. I'm right there with you, brother.

To me, the only down side to examining your beliefs like you are is the understanding of mortality. It really sucks to wrap your brain around the thought that when you die, it's over. There is no eternal playground where you will be reunited with loved ones. No matter how I try to spin it, mortality sucks!

The one positive that I can clearly identify is the way I find myself cherishing my friends and family now. I have this understanding that my next breath may be the last one, and I find myself trying to take it all in ...fully appreciating the people that make up my life. It has made me a better father, husband, brother, friend and person. Being honest with yourself about mortality can be very motivational!

The important thing, imo, is balance. You don't want to walk through life with the burden of death constantly on your mind. You also don't want to take life for granted and forget to embrace the special people and moments in your life. Finding a way to live life free of the fear of death, but at the same time using it as a tool to really squeeze the most out of life that you can is the key to this journey.

i think that you got it all backwards hep.. since life right now is all that we have, to me, that means that it means everything to me, as with out it we are nothing..
so to not love or feel now is a wasted life.. why be here for our one time on this crazy planet if you're not going to allow yourself to love and be loved, some of the greatist gifts we have in life..

Alright.. so I'm starting to feel better about this whole thing. I guess there is nothing I can really do but appreciate life. I still believe that life is pretty pointless, but I'll at least be happy while I live .. no point in being sad either right?

zaehet- I used to catagorize people between suicidal and non-suicidal.. so it's funny that you say what you said. Have you ever heard die with your boots on by iron maiden? I know they don't have the most intelligent lyrics but one of my favorite lyrics of all time is from that song.. "If your gonna die, die with your boots on. If you're gonna try well stick around. Gonna cry? just move along" .. meaning don't be a puss puss and live with your boots on or just end it if you think it's so bad.

"the purpose of life is to just be fuckin happy".. well that's just greatness .. It's pretty selfish of me to want more.. but I'm appreciating my emotions more and more each day. I really am feeling happier.


Bigtacofarmer- I tried my hardest to believe in the billions of possibilities.. If you wanna keep your faith then ignore what I'm about to say. WARNING.. There is a possibility that there is a fire breathing dragon that speaks five different languages that lives on a teapot on an undiscovered island.. .
gees I feel like a dick.


Thanks everyone for the replies and positive insight.

Bigtacofarmer said:

Wouldn't being scared to denounce your religion make you not an atheist but just unsure of there religion. I'm unsure of my belief system but I'm not going to add a label to it. When I feel I'm correct in my beliefs I will maybe put some word on it to help explain it to others or something. I think that adding labels such as atheist, agnostic, catholic, or whatever is just setting yourself up to be wrong. Why not start a church of who knows? or what the fuck is going on? Or just call it the church of whats been proven and everyone can try to disprove them selves until its all right. To me atheism is kind of a cop out, out of all of the billions of options out there to just say there is not a god is not that likely. By god I mean power source or creator. Maybe atheism is right, I don't know and neither does anyone else that is alive to tell us about it. Personally I do believe in god (Not the same one telling all the war happy leaders or child molesting priests what to do), I just don't have the ability to prove it so I won't go pushing my views on others except to point out the don't know either. Be proud to admit you don't know shit about it and realize no one else does either. I respect any peaceful way of thinking about religion of the lack of.

Click to expand...

Just to reiterate, atheism simply means one is unconvinced by the arguments for deities: it is a lack of belief, not positing that there are absolutely no gods. There is a small subset of atheists who take it a step further who do believe there is absolutely no gods, but that is faith, and like you said, no one really knows. I would love to attend a few services at 'The Church of What the Fuck is Going On?'

hey hepheastus...

i totally understand what you're going through... and from what i have observed from nature, is that we all exist to live...

now if thats too simplistic... well then thats just it thats what it is... every organism, from protozoa to the most complex such as ourselves, we all keep the cycle going...

even in the death of a star, life is born, and the cycle of energy continues... this isnt some new age bull either... its just how it is... even matter's and energy's purpose is to propagate itself...

and when we all die, something else lives... matter gets rearranged, now this wont be some "spirit" crap where you will be aware of everything, and get to "float up with the angels crap" that is so unfortunately promulgated by so many religions...

but in a way even by the end of our star's supernova the energy released by the destruction of our solarsystem will be passed on again and again as new galaxies merge and do a never ending cosmic dance between each other and the energy will have just moved but never be destroyed...

think of space as a "womb" and matter as the eggs... and energy as we see it as the "sperm"... its all basically the same even if its "inorganic life"...

we all exist to live...

...man, I'm so happy you posted those lyrics Hep. One of my favorite Maiden records. Also, these are not simple lyrics. There is much to 'see' in them

[video=youtube;JhBw80Y54gg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhBw80Y54gg[/video]

i have played a big part in hephs conversion , i remember telling him my goal was to make people question there beliefs and to stop and really think about what they believe in , im glad heph has questioned himself .
he even mentioned me in his first post , i am hummbled by you heph and have much respect for you (even if you are an american ) lol