zero knowledge. desperate plzzz help!!! outdoors help

if anyone could help my screen name for AIM is BTNH4evaRIPeazy but let's say for one plant i don't wanna go all out i just want simple help wit soil water light n all the rest of the bullshit about five minutes of somebody's time would be really greatly appreciated thnx all. everyone seems to grow indoors but i can't do that n don't plan on it that's also way too much maybe up to five plants with that i would be really happy hit me up plz thnx again

What specific questions do you have that aren't answered in the GrowFaq (which I'm sure you've read)?

yea i read it all. if somebody ccould help for a first timer wit simple step by step to grow in the yard outdoor about soil water light n how 2 plant all the bs wit measuring shit n all that it's too much for me i hardly understand the FAQs haha

1. Find a sunny spot.
2. Stick the seeds in the ground.
3. Water them.
4. Fertiliize them every now and then.
5. Wait 4 months.
6. Cut them down.

no one is going to hold your hand and give you a step by step. All the info you need is on this site. You get what you put in as with anything in life. I read for around 80 hours and took 5 pages of notes, before starting my first grow. It can be overwhelming at first but it will sink in with time.