Today

As I sit, once again alone, oh how I disgust myself. Nothing it seems can clear the fog that has for so long clouded my reality. Chemically imbalanced or incapable, does it even matter anymore… Although my day, inactive, I feel as though ive been taken to hell and back. Pessimistic thoughts have taken over; everything is so dark, so lonely. To even think that I could be loved is blasphemy. Awakened by my incessant life, why? I know how today will end, who cares how it gets there. I long for something else… But will I know what it is when its there? Will I miss my only chance? I must be insane, how I see those who laugh merrily, I despise yet… somehow I am trampled by the despair loneliness has brought me. I feel like the only of my kind, some mutant only put on this earth for the amusement of others, if even to amount to that. There is light, when I flip this switch, but I only see darkness, my impending death and how it will come. My miserable existence.. maybe its my fault? I’m almost sure it is, how ive learned to loathe everything and everyone.. maybe I’m the cause of my loneliness..