The "I just masturbated" thread

[mr sunshine]

I just rubbed my finger on my head like it was a clit...I'm still a man doe!!!

 

[leftyguitar]

If I posted here overtime I played with my dick, I would post a few times a day.

 

[bu$hleaguer]

I'm trying to decide if I should pound on my dong or just take a nap. One usually leads to the other.

All this thinking about beating off is fucking exhausting, though. I guess I'll take a nap and then figure out what I'm going to do when I wake up.

 

[Dyna Ryda]

What do you call 4 people having sex? foursome
3 people having sex? threesome
2 people having sex? twosome
sex by yourself? handsome

I haven't had any handsome time in a long time, seriously I almost miss it.

 

[GreatwhiteNorth]

A bunch of you guys really should look into getting a significant other.
The whole "Hands Solo" approach to this situation is not the best action in the star fleet.

 

[cannabineer]

A bunch of you guys really should look into getting a significant other.
The whole "Hands Solo" approach to this situation is not the best action in the star fleet.
View attachment 3297719

I gotta go Hand Solo since I lost my Chewy.

 

[PorterRockwell]

How vulgar!

 

[UncleBuck]

@Blue Wizard

bailey jay finally got me last night.

 

[Blue Wizard]

@Blue Wizard

bailey jay finally got me last night.

She got me too, a few minutes ago.

I was feeling depressed and lonely so I was looking at transgendered girls on OKCupid with a shill account. I had to rub one out afterward.

There was a really pretty one about 200 miles from me but it wouldn't have worked out. She is somehow against gay marriage and is homophobic. How does that even work?

You're a pre-op transgendered woman looking for men? Hello?

 

[Diabolical666]

handsome

 

[Pinworm]

I just birthed a grip of knuckle children. Smells kinda like shrimp flavored pancake batter.

My stomach and right hand is way sticky, and it's pretty awkward typing this...

 

[tyler.durden]

I've been faithful to my old girlfriend, Fistina (rhymes with christina) for a few weeks now. It seems she's always gotta have it. I was super busy today, and she just kept finding her way into my pants. I was like, 'Bitch, get off my jock!' We ain't got time for this...' But she has a way about her that I cannot resist. She is thoughtless, though. I got up to get a paper towel and I slipped on my hardwood floor in a puddle of my spunk and smacked my head on the coffee table. Even though she technically doesn't have a mouth, I swear I could hear her laughing. Evil bitch, see the next time you get some. Ahh, who am I fooling. Come here, you hairy slut...

 

[UncleBuck]

"cat and mouse". 1986 starring jeanna fine.