Something Funny You Heard When You Were Stoned

I was at the local 420 camp out and somebody handed my buddy a bong and he said to them "Dude, hold my porkchop".

It's the small things in life that count.

all the different ways to grow church...anyone actually no ?

Me: "Dude, wanna have a smoke?"

Him: "No, I wanna pet the dog right now and then make him think he's more beloved than the cat to make the cat jealous so that it'll realize that among my animals, everybody is equally beloved."

Me: "Right on!"

True story.

That dude sounds like a drama queen! lol

me *making my friend a taco*...mmm this is gonna be good!
her..hurry i cant wait!
me *handing her her taco*
her..looks at me and says..its so big, i dont understand how to eat it...

me..omg look at that hooter..it looks like a hog leg
her..jesus we are gonna smoke that? are you cereal?
lol..guess u had to be there

Guy in the backseat of a hotbox:

How long does it take trees to grow? ... You know... bigger.

I was sitting next to my friend and he passed the bong to me three or four times, we finished up and turned to me and jumped out of the seat cuz he didnt realize I was sitting there the whole time, he goes," when the fuck did Adam get here holy shit dude how long were you there???" ( i was there for about 30 mins)

You should have told that guy if the trees grew any faster they would get too loud!

a sickly friend told me, "the clinic is a bad place to pick up chicks"