Repressed

Balzac89

Balzac89

Undercover Mod
I just wanted to talk about something that happened when I was really young. It has affected me my whole life. It has really made me indifferent to death. I was wondering if anyone else experienced anything like this. I know its hard to talk about.

When I was around 8 years old I was walking to school at the end of my street about 100 ft away I saw people looking at something up in the air.

I walked over to the street and I saw what it was. It was my dads upstairs tenant a really nice guy who was always hanging out with my family.

He was hanging from the utility pole by his neck. I stared at him for about a minute then walked to school. I never told my family I saw it. I only recently remembered it. Told a close friend and he told me how people repress stuff like that all the time.

I just didn't know what to think. It still bothers me because I can see it vividly in my head. His red flannel jacket. His neck at a weird angle. body hanging lifeless. sorry for being so dark so early
 
qwizoking

qwizoking

Well-Known Member
Well repression is never good. I've seen a lot of death you just have to accept it....I'm religious perhaps that helps
 
Balzac89

Balzac89

Undercover Mod
qwizoking said:
Well repression is never good. I've seen a lot of death you just have to accept it....I'm religious perhaps that helps
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I've never been religious or even "spiritual". I never experience sorrow when a person I know passes away.

My view has always been there gone. When my grandfather died everyone else was crying and I was just upset by everyone else being upset but I never cried.

I always looked at it like he lived a full life. I can only hope I live to be that old.

I've had friends pass away and its the same way.
 
slowandsteady

slowandsteady

Well-Known Member
We all see things we wish we could un see. but can't. hidden things can grow into giant specter's, until we open them and examine them and put them where they need to be. Just by writing this your opening the box! More Power to you!!
 
420God

420God

Well-Known Member
That's not so bad dude. I was expecting worse. Sucks you had to see that as a child but life went on for you.
 
420God

420God

Well-Known Member
Balzac89 said:
I know sheltered life right? It is different when your a kid man.
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Sorry if that sounds bad. I kinda have the same view of death as you say you do now. Probably why I'm able to do what I do.

Hey, maybe you should look for a job picking up roadkill, it pays good.
 
S

silasraven

Well-Known Member
yep, i repressed allot from my childhood and had i gotten in peoples faces about it i wouldnt be pacing my apartment jabbering about it. I've let people take advantage of me, have people belittle me or tell me what i am. people speaking over false authority and i've taken it for so long. one situation i had recently was a dude want to give me a blessing ,but i put him on hold to take care of my electric and get an a/c for the house (its 90* by noon and for 12 hours after that). dude just could hold off, i could have very well gotten all of it taken care of had he chilled out. it cost me 400+ dollars i didnt even know i had and a month of hell in my apartment(6 days till a/c God willing).
when i was younger my brothers always used to steal my parents mini van or the sedan and joy ride at night, being the anarchist out of everyone, i didn't steal my parents cars . decided that i would prove to my parents that you could be anything and still have values, brothers broke as many rules as possible(some to the point of arrest), but i held my belief without action. and till this day they still give me more hell then any of my siblings for it. my siblings are angels too them.
those are mine for then and now. repression is a bitch.
 
sunni

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
i dunno wouldnt know i might have repressed it

shitty you had to see that, yes that is THAT bad, no child should see dead people like that in that state
 
LetsGetCritical

LetsGetCritical

Well-Known Member
When I was about 8 me and my younger brother discovered a body washed up by the river. But that pales into insignificance when compared to the nightmare that was my father. :)
 
beuffer420

beuffer420

Well-Known Member
Death is part of life that creates more life. while yes it stuck with you and hurts it also teaches in the same way. I've walked up on 4 people dead(different occasions) when I was living the "crazy" lifestyle. Two of them still had needles still in the arm. Yes I'll never get the images out of my head but it also taught me something important in the process. I guess it's all about acceptance and what light you can pull from the situation.

I hope you find peace in your journeys bro!
 
Balzac89

Balzac89

Undercover Mod
When my grandfather passed away about 3 years ago. My grandmum woke up and thought he was sleeping.

I remember so vividly her crying and telling me how she was letting him sleep in but when he slept past noon she was worried. Cause he never slept that long ever.

She touched him and he was ice cold.

I couldn't imagine having my loved one of 50 years dead next to me in my bed.
 
curious2garden

curious2garden

Well-Known Mod
Staff member
curious2garden

curious2garden

Well-Known Mod
Staff member
Balzac89 said:
Funny thing is I remembered it while tripping on shrooms.

I took 50+ grams of Wet Z-strain and I was riding a wave on my floor kinda drifting in my mind not able to lift my head.
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I hope it didn't ruin the trip for you. But at least if it deeply disturbing it's out now and you can start to work on it. So that could be a gift. I'd love to hear if you try EMDR how it works for you. I am sorry you witnessed that.
 
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