recovery

hey wats up all my brothers and sisters out there!!! hey i have a question for anyone out there that is in recovery from controlled substances: what do you do when you are havein some trouble wit the temptation of pickin the old habit back up? i been struggling this past week with goin back to painkillers which is like my drug of choice. now a lot of ppl have been tellin me to hit meetings but i dont really like meetings all that much. ive only got 7 months of recovery under my belt and i just kinda been tryin to muscle thru it but that doesnt seem to cut it for me anymore. lol now i kno this may be a weird question for this site seein as you kno we all smoke weed but like i said im talkin about painkillers so if you actually have some constructive info please help me out. peace and love---phree

to quit something on your own is very hard,,trust me I know,,,the last thing you wanna do is sit around with a bunch of fuck ups(who are usually forced into it and don
t wanna quit,,but have to be there) and talk about what your trying to quit,,,I also think getting one drug to make you forget about another drug is completely fucking wacked,,in my experiences all you need is willpower,,and a mental capacity to know the route each road will take you and which direction you want to go,,you need to set goals and try to achieve them,,maybe change who you hang out with ,,or where you live even,,,nothing like a fresh start somewhere new,,it can completely change a person,,if thats what they want,,anyway phree23,,Good luck,, I hope you don't fall back into it and you can pm me for my # if you ever just wanna talk to another pot growin stoner who's been through some shit

Well I cant speak from experience since i only smoke the ganj, but if i was in your position I would just tough it out as long as i could like you have been doin. But when you feel thats not workin out, personally i would try to just smoke a good large amount of the ganja to try and help me relax that need for the pills when i got those urges.

But other than that honestly the rest is up to you. How bad do you want to stay clean?

I white knuckeld my way off booze and crank, so I understand how you feel. What helped me alot was working out. I hit the weights to get the endorphine rush and it got me through alot of times. Ultimately, I finally got to a point where I had some perspective. I realized I didn't have to fight the cravings and old way of thinking. I also didn't have to give in to them. It was a fight that could only be won by walking away from it.

HoLE said:

to quit something on your own is very hard,,trust me I know,,,the last thing you wanna do is sit around with a bunch of fuck ups(who are usually forced into it and don
t wanna quit,,but have to be there) and talk about what your trying to quit,,,I also think getting one drug to make you forget about another drug is completely fucking wacked,,in my experiences all you need is willpower,,and a mental capacity to know the route each road will take you and which direction you want to go,,you need to set goals and try to achieve them,,maybe change who you hang out with ,,or where you live even,,,nothing like a fresh start somewhere new,,it can completely change a person,,if thats what they want,,anyway phree23,,Good luck,, I hope you don't fall back into it and you can pm me for my # if you ever just wanna talk to another pot growin stoner who's been through some shit

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hey thanks dude i appreciate it. i actually put myself into treatment 7 months ago and completed 2 months inpatient and after i got out i moved about an hour from my old place and got a number change and dropped all my old user buddies numbers and shit. i hear ya on the changin drugs thing and i havent touched any other hard drugs since i decides to change and just been keepin it green. i also got my tattoo as a reminder to myself of wat i been thru because of bad decisions.

hey thanks you all for replyin i appreciate it a lot and its good to kno that im not alone. thank you all for the support +rep to ya!

PussymOneyWeed said:

Well I cant speak from experience since i only smoke the ganj, but if i was in your position I would just tough it out as long as i could like you have been doin. But when you feel thats not workin out, personally i would try to just smoke a good large amount of the ganja to try and help me relax that need for the pills when i got those urges.

But other than that honestly the rest is up to you. How bad do you want to stay clean?

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dude i need to stay clean man. i lost everythin to pills. my job, my crib, the love of my life, and i almost lost my family man. if i dont stay clean all of that is gone again.

guitarabuser said:

I white knuckeld my way off booze and crank, so I understand how you feel. What helped me alot was working out. I hit the weights to get the endorphine rush and it got me through alot of times. Ultimately, I finally got to a point where I had some perspective. I realized I didn't have to fight the cravings and old way of thinking. I also didn't have to give in to them. It was a fight that could only be won by walking away from it.

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thanks man. sounds like i should start hittin the weights dude

I've had my issues with morphine back in the day...
I still want it, but I try not to think of it. It's really a mind over matter kind of thing for me.
Not sure if I helped in anyway, but I hope I did.

MetroidThatSmokesTheGanja said:

I've had my issues with morphine back in the day...
I still want it, but I try not to think of it. It's really a mind over matter kind of thing for me.
Not sure if I helped in anyway, but I hope I did.

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yea i kno wat ya sayin man. i know that its always gunna be there in the back of my mind. and a lot of it has been mind over matter for me so far i dont wat it is but this past week has just been really tough for me. im not positive but i think i remember hearin somewhere that it takes like 18 months for your brain to full "recovery" after your last use of opiates and that a lot of ppl hit a wall, so to speak, at 6 month, a year, and a year and a half were the urges get really tough so im wondering if im just hittin that first wall or somethin.

good luck. pills are scary, talk to somebody, do something to get your head off it, the gym sounds like a good idea

I went through a 7 year stretch where I was averaging 30 to 40 painkillers a day. That's roughly 10,000 a year. It all started crashing down on me and thank god my wife stuck by me and my employer didn't turn his back on me either. There was no way I was going to go to rehab and narc-a-non would have been to embarrasing. I did go to counseling for a year and that help me get my mind wrapped around the problem. I had a few setbacks early on as anyone with a serious addiction will. Those that haven't been truly addicted to something will never understand what the addicted mind goes through. Anyone who says it's just a matter of will power obviously hasn't been there. I remember being so pissed at myself for being so weak minded that I let this get the best of me. Yet I was helpless to stop it. The notion of dealing with it just one day at a time has a lot of merit but as time went by I realized that you don't even have to think of it as one day at a time. It's a 30 second struggle at a time. We pretty much always desire the drug yet we have to learn how to manage that desire. For me it was dealing with that strongest craving during the first 30 seconds. On a daily basis I'm not confronted with it so it's easy to manage. I mean, crave it or not if it's just not available then there's really nothing to worry about aside from getting past that craving. My 30 second method is for those times that it's in my face and all I have to do is reach for the pill bottle and shake out 6 or so. It's in that first 30 seconds that the mind will fail you. You know that you can't take them yet you start to rationalize that " we'll just this one time won't hurt, no one will ever know" the problem is that 1 is to many and a million is not enough. 30 seconds. Give yourself 30 seconds to stand firm and don't take them. At the end of that 30 seconds start putting some distance between you and that temptation. Demand of yourself that you will win this one battle right now. Don't try to win the lifetime battle at this moment just this one battle at this very minute. Get in your car and leave or take a walk down the street but whatever you do get away from those pills. Ten minutes later hopefully you're somewhere that no matter how bad you want them it doesn't matter because there are none to be had. My hardest most difficult times to this day are those time when I stop in to see a friend or relative that's just been to the dentist or had some kind of surgery and they've got pills right there in front of them. 30 seconds. 30 seconds. 30 seconds. My will power is not strong enough to kick them for life. It is strong enough for 30 seconds. The depth of my addiction was that every 3 or 4 hours I had to take at least 8 darvocet or 10 5/325 hydrocodone or 6 oxycondone or if desperate a full bottle of cough syrup with hydroconde. If I were lucky I would have some methadone cause 6 of those in the morning and another 6 in the evening would keep going. I mean 40 or 50 of those would last me 4 or 5 days instead of just one day like the other pill would last. The end for me came when I was taking 3 oxycontin 80's in the morning and 3 at night and this went on for 3 months. When those ran out no amount of any other painkiller would stave off withdrawls. My desperation at that point is what finally got me caught by my employer. I didn't sleep for 6 days and my legs and lower back hurt so bad I literaly wanted to die. I went through withdrawl several time over the years beacuse I couldn't always keep a stash going but those oxycontin withdrawls were so bad that I swore that no matter what I had to do I wouldn't put myself through that again. 12 steps? not for me. 30 seconds I can cope with. When I did kick them I didn't drink or smoke weed for the first year. I had to get the memory of what it felt like to be high completely out of my system. Now 5 years later I drink only occasionaly and smoke weed like I used to before I ever got caught up in the painkiller nonsense. I'ts nice that a couple of Naproxen will help a sore back now. If I find that I'm starting think about pills now, I just go smoke a bowl.

wow man thank you so much for your reply spleefed it was a great read and i really took it to heart my friend ill will most def keep the 30 sec trick in mind for cravings man. much love

phree23 said:

wow man thank you so much for your reply spleefed it was a great read and i really took it to heart my friend ill will most def keep the 30 sec trick in mind for cravings man. much love

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You're welcome! And thank you. It's still theraputic and helpful to me to talk about it once in a while. If you haven't already, find a hobby that you can do while sitting on the couch in front of the tv. Boredom is your worst enemy. Keep your mind and your hands busy. For me it was wood carving. I ordered a set of gouges and knives from a company in Canada and went to Hobby Lobby and got a bunch of small pieces of wood just right for holding in my hand while I carved. I now have 70 some odd different tribal looking wood carved heads all over the house. I took one of my favorites to work and set it on my desk with a wood block under it that says " Rub head for good luck". It's just a little reminder to myself to not forget where I was at and how far I've come.

I would offer contacting me for support or just to talk but given the nature of this site I must maintain my anonymity. But I am pulling for you. I truly do want you to put this behind you and to get back to moving forward with your life. Best wishes to you Chief!

spleefed said:

I would offer contacting me for support or just to talk but given the nature of this site I must maintain my anonymity. But I am pulling for you. I truly do want you to put this behind you and to get back to moving forward with your life. Best wishes to you Chief!

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hey man im still tryin to find more of an actual hobby i do like to kill time by reading but that doesnt cut it for me all of the time. im lookin forward for spring because i can go on walks whenever im feeling down winter is just to cold to be doin that to much i still do sometimes just not as much.

i appreciate the thought of contactin you but i too would like to keep myself anonymous. thank you much for the support my friend. thank you all for the support!!

hey i figured i would throw an update on here for you guys that gave me some support!!

well the urges have been gettin more and more mild and farther apart!!! ive been doin some exercisin and borrowed some weights from a homie and been hittin the everyday and that seems to helpin a lot!!! im tryin not to rely to heavy on green when i gettin urges. weathers finally startin to get nice enough to go on walks!!! its been hittin around 45-47 degrees durin the day and its fuckin beautiful out!!!! lol only a minnesotian can think thats nice out but trust me its a hell of a lot better than 10 degrees lol

Keep up the good work phree23,,nice to hear a success story,,,and I can relate to 45-47 degrees being nice out,,I'm Canadian

fuck ya its nice out here man!! to bad i gotta work all the time. but about your temptaitons god to hear they are subsiding, you just gotta keep your head up and look at the positives in your life, use that 30 second shit to i wish i had known of that a long time ago but it does make good sense and sound like a good plan. anyways kep ya head up bro! stay strong

The best part of this is that in another few months your energy levels will start to come back up and you'll wonder why you thought you needed them. It feels good to be able to walk out in the open and enjoy the sunshine and not have the constant thought of how many pills do I have and when am I going to need to score more.

I'm amazed at how much more productive I am at work and at home.

Keep on keepin' on. Sounds like your going to make it. Just remember, you can never take them again. I went to the dentist about 6 months into recovery and thought it would be ok to take the pain killers as prescribed. Wrong! It damned near pulled me back in. You'll learn to rely on regular ol Tylenol for real pain so don't take them unless you just absolutely have to.

I like that you're trying not to use weed every time you get the craving. Don't want to substitute one addiction for another. Doesn't matter what it is.

I just want to say to all of you that have fought and are still fighting addictions that you are the true definition of human perseverance. You are the pinnacle of the human species; you who can truly face their reality and make that change.

You are amazing people and incredible examples of what can be accomplished when faced with darkness and all odds against you.

Respect, my brothers and sisters.