How to manage my manager?

Today my manager, who I respect(ed) alot, completely flipped out on me in front of my collegues. I have had nothing but a good relationship with him, and have never seen him like this towards me or anyone else before. He was in bad mood all day, which normally isn't an issue. I usually just give him his space.


I had gotten out of a meeting, and went to grab some coffee. I came back, and because there was no coffee, anounced to all the coffee addicts, "someone took the last of the coffee and didnt make more".


Out of nowhere, and unprovoked, (the comment was not directed towards anyone) he said in the most serious tone I've heard from him "why don't you quit being a bitch about it and go make some coffee yourself you lazy fuck". I, and everyone else was so thrown off by this our whole area of the office got really quite for a while, he was also quiet for the rest of the day.


So now I need to know what to do. I'm offended, plain and simple, and should not have to take being spoken like that by anyone, even if he is my superior. One of the problems is our age, he is only three years older than I am, so we have more of a friend relationship than boss/employee. We joke around ALL the time, its what keeps us sane in the office.


I'm contemplating texting him, in the hopes that hes cooled down, and ask him what was up. The fear I have with this is that I know he'll apologize, but he may think I am not able to "take a joke"' and it may harm our relationship. But, since it happened in front of everybody, I feel like I need to draw the line in the sand, that I won't take that kind of disrespect, from anyone, especially unprovoked.


So, what would you guys do?

I'd say just talk to him one on one, he was probably having a bad day due to personal issues n he took it out on you. It sucks, but everyone does it and some point in their life - just talk to him about it

ok, but how do I approach it, do I come at it from a "I need an apology" angle, or do I come at it from, "are you ok" angle?

I think if you explain how you feel about it all he'll most probably apologise. I'm not sure you'd want to ask or even demand an apology as he is your boss after all and things could get messy

go with the are you ok thing. the i need an apology thing makes you sound like a whiny child. then just let him know you won't have him talk to you like that in front of people because even if its a joke to the two of you the others may not know and think you just take that shit, then they could see it as ok to talk to you like that.

Thanks guys, exactly what I was looking for.

Finding the balance between being respected and being an asshole is tricky

I bet he will apologize about it tomorrow. People are not perfect and there comes a time when we all snap a little and there is nothing we can do about it. I say let it go or joke about it in the morning around the office. That will let him know that it is still on everyones mind and he needs to address it.

mjetta said:

ok, but how do I approach it, do I come at it from a "I need an apology" angle, or do I come at it from, "are you ok" angle?

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Ask him how he's doing and you noticed he seemed agrivated about something the other day. Anything I can do to help?

Try to add an emphasis on the fact that you don't like being disrespected like that in front of everybody. But it is your job, so if worse come to worst, just turn the other cheek and cash your pay check. life goes on.

Yeah said:

Ask him how he's doing and you noticed he seemed agrivated about something the other day. Anything I can do to help?

Try to add an emphasis on the fact that you don't like being disrespected like that in front of everybody. But it is your job, so if worse come to worst, just turn the other cheek and cash your pay check. life goes on.

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True true, thanks

Next time he asks you to do something tell him to shut the fuck up and do it himself

zigginanzaggin said:

Next time he asks you to do something tell him to shut the fuck up and do it himself

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Don't do that.

And don't mention it in front of your colleagues. He might see that as undermining his professional authority. Which could put you out of a job or just make him a bigger douche.

I would tell him to do things himself, but he is one of the only managers I've ever had that actually works harde than his employees, ALOT harder. One of the things that makes this more difficult. Today at work neither of us mentioned anything, he acted like nothing happened, but the tension was obvious. It was very awkward.

It'll blow over and everyone will forget it happened. People under stress or pressure sometimes just need to vent and maybe you were just the wrong person at the wrong time. I'm glad you didn't take my advice seriously and tell him to fuck himself lol.