How to Fart in Public without Being Noticed

Padawanbater2

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
http://www.lovepanky.com/entertainment/gossip/how-to-fart-in-public-without-being-noticed

IDK why, because I know, deep down, this is a natural human function that happens with all of us, every day.. But the word 'fart' just embarrasses me more than anything, even typing it, especially saying it, to the point of in past relationships which lasted longer than a YEAR I still had trouble saying it. IDK what it is about it, I feel like a person brought up on heavy religious values talking about sex or something..

Do you fart in front of your significant other? Does it bother you? Do they care?

What's the general consensus regarding farts?

How do you feel talking about the subject or discussing it with anyone? I guess that's what the internet is for, right?

Sorry for bringing up this embarrassing topic, I feel dumb for even typing about it, right now, but I must know!
 
Metasynth

Metasynth

Well-Known Member
We call 'em barking spiders around these parts...Fairly common. I fart in front of my girl, and she farts in front of me...though I think she tries to be slick, but I always call her out on it and we share a laugh...lol
 
UncleBuck

UncleBuck

Well-Known Member
i have no sense of smell, but it doesn't matter. she lays bombs. we laugh about it.

not so much with my farts. i favor the more silent but deadly variety, and they are not so funny even when they are loud for the same deadly reason.

if i eat cereal before or during a road trip, good luck on sharing the car with me.
 
PeyoteReligion

PeyoteReligion

Well-Known Member
I particularly like naming my farts based on what they sound like. I can useually get a pretty good trumpet or plain horn sounds nailed. Followed by the machine gun.
 
S

spandy

Well-Known Member
I call em poop particles, what you smell when I fart I mean. Well, how else do you think you are smelling my ass, huh? Small pieces of shit floating in the air, thats how. I tortued my sister with this growing up, lol.

This is why I don't fit in well in crowds, not because I fart more or less than anyone else, it's I just dont play many of the games that the society folk play, like holding in farts wtf?! I bet its even considering unhealthy to hold them back if I had to guess, just seems wrong. I say if you gotta fart, make it count. If someone smells it, well, maybe they should fart back or something, but damn dont hold it in.
 
Padawanbater2

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
UncleBuck said:
i'm more interested in pada's aversion to farts, especially to the point of even typing them.
Click to expand...
Dude, Idk what it is, I can't even fart in front of my immediate family! I feel embarrassed when I'm in the bathroom, alone, while pissing and one squeaks out!

Illogical mental block or something..
 
Metasynth

Metasynth

Well-Known Member
Padawanbater2 said:
Dude, Idk what it is, I can't even fart in front of my immediate family! I feel embarrassed when I'm in the bathroom, alone, while pissing and one squeaks out!

Illogical mental block or something..
Click to expand...
Maybe your parents didn't like changing you as a kid, and expressed their disgust... cause maybe you made some nasty babyshits. And they're all like "Damnit Padawanbaby! Why do you shit all the time!", so maybe you learned to be a good boy and be ashamed of your poopies?
 
Padawanbater2

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
Metasynth said:
Maybe your parents didn't like changing you as a kid, and expressed their disgust... cause maybe you made some nasty babyshits. And they're all like "Damnit Padawanbaby! Why do you shit all the time!", so maybe you learned to be a good boy and be ashamed of your poopies?
Click to expand...
Lmfao!

It's funny, I don't really care about my poopies, visually, or even the smell. The sound is what's tough to deal with. How fuckin' weird is that...

Don't even get me started on public stalls.. I'm not even sure if I've ever taken a shit in a public restroom because of this..
 
B

BlissCannabis

Member
Hahaha, this is a funny topic to stumble upon because last night my girlfriend was asleep on the couch next to me... and she farted LOUDLY, out of nowhere, in my general direction. "There's a smelly in my belly." I laughed so hard. It reminds me of Good Will Hunting, in the scene where the therapist talks about his wife, and how she would wake herself up in bed from farts. I've seen dogs startle themselves awake from their farts.

I don't mind farts too much. But I don't love smelling them.

The article in the OP failed to cover, how to fart in public and not crap your pants. Because no one likes a wet fart :shock:

There's a technique for getting farts out which I'll share... what you do is bend over on all fours, and lower your upper body while arching your butt in the air. It sounds weird, but it helps you pass wind quickly... like, when your girlfriend goes to the bathroom and you want to get them out fast.
 
G

guitarjamman

Member
Not to go too off topic, but the worst was when the class clown would rip one during a perfect moment (e.g. during a test or when there was a slient break in the lecture). Does not matter what grade I was in, I could not contain myself for at least 20 minutes. It could be an hour later and the second I would think of that moment, I would lose it again.

I think you need to just get out there and do it! Most people will enjoy a perfectly placed/timed fart as much as you enjoy the relief you get.
 
aknight3

aknight3

Moderator
Padawanbater2 said:
Lmfao!

It's funny, I don't really care about my poopies, visually, or even the smell. The sound is what's tough to deal with. How fuckin' weird is that...

Don't even get me started on public stalls.. I'm not even sure if I've ever taken a shit in a public restroom because of this..
Click to expand...
when i was growing up in middle school and high school i had problems going in school lol, i would wait the entireday until i got home to poop, i hate pooping inforeign places, its just not right
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top