TwistItUp
Well-Known Member
I too have a shit story to share that wasn't in the woods, although at the time I would have gladly preferred to shit in the woods with one of them yuppy shitters or a Y tree instead of what I had to deal with.Here's how to do it in the city.
I once got elected by other family members as the only one who would accept the job, of hanging out at my uncles trailer waiting for the cable company to come fix his internet and TV connection, while he was at work. No one wanted to have to go over and wait there because his trailer is filthy, but someone had to be there to let the cable guy in. I made the mistake to take my laptop to watch movies and ended up throwing it away because I couldn't get the bugs out of it, ever since having taken it to his trailer I could see bugs crawling across the screen. That's just to give an idea how bad it is there. Anyway here is my story, so I'm sitting there watching a movie, feeling like bugs are crawling on me, itching, thinking WTF! Wondering why I didn't just wait in the car outside. And then it hits me, I have to take a shit. No way was I wanting to use his toilet which for some reason was supposed to be white but appeared to have never been cleaned and was brown all the way around. If the coloring alone and the thought of getting crabs or some other type of bug on me in addition to the itching I acquired from his couch wasn't bad enough. I then realize the lid isn't on the tank and there is no water in the tank. Not sure how I was supposed to flush it, and was holding it so long trying to refrain from using his bathroom. There was no option of holding it any longer. It appeared to be pull off a hover, or shit myself. I had to call him at work and ask how to use his toilet. He rambled on something about just take the coke can and put it in the hole then turn the valve on, remove the can to flush it. Bloody hell, I didn't even see bowl paper in sight, and even if I did I was too sketched out to have wanted to use any paper in his trailer out of fear of catching some disease, that there may not even be a cure for because the world might not have ever encountered before whatever bacteria may have been in there. I had to devise plan B. At this point I was getting creative and felt somewhat like MacGuyver. (Urban Dictionary - Full name Angus Macgyver. Part secret agent for government and phoenix foundation, part handyman, part mad scientist, part community service volunteer.) Yes indeed I felt like Anus MacGuyver. A secret agent for the government because there was most defiantly official dooty that had to be taken care of in the oval office, the porcelain oval that is. Part handy man fits the bill for this mission. I would have to agree with part mad scientist where this is headed. Part community service volunteer, well yeah that too, no one else would sac up and hang out at his place. After getting off the phone with him and not even seeing said coke can anywhere. I had to proceed with whatever I was going to devise for plan B. And there it was, I found it in the hallway. The cat box ;D I mean haha There was already so much cat dookie in there he might not even notice, and there was plenty of fresh litter still in the container to bury it, plus it was some fresh scent litter so that was a plus. I made the choice to go through with it. I was damn near about to pop a squat and drop a loaf right there, I looked in almost the identical position as the woman in the video, and right then the cable guy knocks on the door. I've never before had to retract such a fierce groundhog in my life, but it had to be done. I couldn't be caught brown handed by the cable guy. It was bad enough I had to explain that I didn't live there as I was nearly gagging from the smell in his trailer from his cats and whatever else funk was going on. I demanded to know how long it should take to make the repairs. All in all I should have just gone with plan C, say F this, pump a dump on his porch and leave.
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