Well, ever since I got busted when I was 17 (im 21 now) I have had the mentality of rushing to my window EVERY TIME I hear a car door outside. The fear and paranoia (i wasnt even growing) consumed my life in a large way. I wasnt even put in jail really, when they arrested me, they walked with me to the atm (to be honest the actual arrest wasnt as bad as the account that got me arrested) so I could get me $100 bail. It was the way they dehumanized me, took away all of my control. They were in my life and controlling me. When i finished probation tha control feeling never lifted.
Now that I am legal, the fear is still there. It's more of a "we wont arrest you, as long as we dont find you" thing really. Sure sometimes people get off, but there are plenty of cops who do more than "just there job" they get off on destroying lives. They know if they push hard enough, they will find something to bust us for. It just takes that one shitty cop to stumble upon your garden, to at the very least ruin your day. Its nothing for them to find it and go "okay, taking these plants for evidence" and bam, you are set months back, go without meds.
Every time O hear a car door, I am positive that its finally time. There isnt a big sign on my house saying "legal medical grower". If they discover I am gorinw,g I promise they will raid first, ask questions later.
We arnt humans to them, anymore than the jews were humans to the nazis. They have had the propaganda drilled into there brains that mary jane makes people druggies, these alien creatures. Lifeless scum, that its there duty to eliminate. In there minds, destroying us will make the world better, safer. A person with "divine right" is a dangerous thing, especially when the only repercussion they could get would be suspension.
Its the new hate. Every civilization needs soemthing to hate. to unify the people. People dont unify over good things, they unify over hate (im using hate kinda loosely). When you sit down with "the guys" for some football, its not the love of the game that made those "the guys" its the hate for the opposing team. This unifying hate brings together stoners, nothing makes you more comfortable with someone your smoking with then talking to them about the shared hate for cops. The same goes for them, the same goes for so many people within society. They unify over the destruction of something, anything. Before its been jews, its been the british, its been a any number of things since the beginning of recorded time. Society is fueled by hate. All of our technology comes from hate, weapons are the main source of technological advancement.
Religion, everyone of them, have had major roles in war. Unify its people over the "heretics". Religion honestly has the strongest ability to unify people and turn them on one another. Look how religion is used to justify the hatred of anybody. It's not only effective, its terrifying the power it has. Enough of our population sits on there asses in a little trailer wit a small little tv, drinking beer, getting shitfaced, listening to these things about "there religion". If its labeled right, these people eat it up. Now even just trailers, anybody who accepts the world at face value will find themselves buying into anything thrown at them that sounds good for you and especially stuff that sounds bad for other people.
We cant just give up the fight now. In the sugar plantation days, working long enough as a slave, you got freed and could then turn and get your own slaves and make it. The logical option from the outside is "then turn and destroy slavery, you know what it does" yet for an incredibley long time,nobody stood up. Why would they? they were done, its the other peopls turn to suffer just like you. And there it is. It isnt about some psycological need to be a douchebag, its a psychological need to feel better by comparison, instead of better by ones own self value. Stuff happening to other people isnt you. You are fine, the other people are the "evil" ones, they are the ones who "deserve" it. You feel better because the world is being made better by others, by you, you are with the others in the unifying fact that you hate somebody. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. It works so well when the enemies are made up.
In short, I still loose sleep, lots of sleep. I abide by there laws as best I can, not for respect, but for fear (I have an entire paper written about there use of fear and how it ties to the creation of religion as a concept and holidays, but I am already making a wall of text so im going just with hate for now, but in short: Ever see people trying to control there kids, when there kids dont fear them at all? How do you make people afraid of you? arrest a large portion of the population to show you mean business). This fear rules my life, and the idea behind it rules everyone here, even if they arnt afraid. I always laugh at people with the "it was illegal mentality" because yes, ye it was, and still is. They are out to get you, they do want to hurt you, they do hate you. They hate everything about you, even without knowing anything about you. The simple fact that you smoke is enough for them to hate you. They dont care that your favorite show is spongebob, they dont care that you run a club dedicated to peace. To them you are an alien piece of shit that needs eliminating.
My final note: Just because I'm paranoid, doesnt mean they arnt out to get me. The truth is, they are out to get me, you and anyone else, they are trying really hard and have no intention of stopping.